Chapter Text
FRIENDSHIPS I
Felix is in his room, in front of his computer, when he hears a soft knock on the door. Before he can answer, Hyunjin's head pops up.
"Hi, are you playing?"
They smile at each other as the blond man swivels in his chair. It's been a while since Hyunjin came to meet Felix.
"No, just seeing some things, come in."
His best friend enters the room and shows him a portable nail dryer, along with the two bottles of nail polish he has with him. One black and one transparent.
"I was going to ask you to paint my nails."
"Of course!"
Felix's smile could light up an entire city and his sweet scent takes over the whole room. Hwang immediately feels like crying, he feels guilty for pushing the other omega away for no reason other than his hypocrisy.
Felix shuts down his PC in record time, while Hyunjin finds a good place to sit, but one that doesn't hinder the work of painting his nails. They end up sitting on the floor, with Hyunjin leaning on the bed and Felix in front of him, the larger man's left hand on the smaller man's knee, while Felix brushes black paint onto his nails.
Chan also used to paint his nails, and it was often Felix's job to do his boyfriend's manicure, and the blond got good at it.
He's concentrating hard on his task, listening in the background to the music from the playlist Hyunjin has selected when he catches his eye.
"How are things with Chan hyung?"
Felix gives the last finger on the left a final stroke before shrugging.
"All right. Much better since he put those piercings in."
He looks conspiratorially at his best friend, raising his eyebrows repeatedly.
In response, Hyunjin kicks him lightly on the thigh, then takes a quick look at his freshly painted nails before turning on the nail dryer and placing his fingers under the UV lamp.
He was more than used to knowing about the nuances of his hyung's relationship - as Felix's best friend, Hyunjin had to listen to the blond's complaints and joys.
The current one was about the nipple piercings that Chan has had since returning from his trip a week ago. The alpha came up with the idea in Sydney, but he left it to do the procedure in Seoul, as he could be more comfortable shirtless in his apartment and it would help with the healing.
Piercings were nothing new to Hyunjin as much as they were to Chan, both of them having had piercings for years, Hyunjin with his tongue stem and Chan with his lower lip ring. Unfortunately, the older man gave up his jewelry after graduating, in order to 'look more professional'.
Now the image of a Bang Chan with nipple piercings was very welcome, after all the alpha was very handsome and Hyunjin liked to admire beautiful things.
Thinking of handsome alphas brought to mind the image of someone else, but Hyunjin pushed the thought away as quickly as it came.
"Hmm."
He hummed, letting out a breath as if he was going to say more, but gave up and put his other hand on Felix's knee to start the job.
Felix realized that his friend was hesitating, and figured that this was the moment he would finally talk about his secret boyfriend. The blond knew how his best friend worked: he'd get something on his mind, then procrastinate and put off talking about it until he felt ready to put it out there.
Lee had been waiting patiently for him, and now that Hyunjin had come to him, he just needed to squeeze him a little more and in the right places. He waits a few minutes, working in silence.
"Whenever you ask about us, I say that Channie and I are fine, and we really are... but every relationship has its difficulties, we've just overcome the ones we've had so far."
Felix begins calmly, brushing and brushing. Hyunjin remains silent, only the sizzle of pop music playing in the background. It's a cue for Felix to continue:
"Look Jisung, he's quite happy with Minho hyung, and God knows how much that man pampers him, but sometimes Sungie still asks for my point of view on some issues that stress him out. It's normal, you know?"
He leaves the question hanging in the air and continues his work, which is now easier with a Hyunjin who has gone completely quiet. Felix is on his last nail when Hyunjin reaches for his cell phone to stop the music playing. He pauses the music and switches hands in the UV booth.
"I'm seeing someone. But- but I'm thinking of ending things because he doesn't know what he wants. It's a relationship that I knew had no future."
Hwang knows he has his attention and knows that Felix won't ask questions he doesn't want to answer.
"The last week has been a mess, but I... I like him and I don't want to stop what we have. I just wish things were simpler. Why can't I have a normal fucking relationship?!"
His voice cracks as he speaks, as if the realization has only just hit him, as if verbalizing it to someone would finally make it true.
Hyunjin always left this thought in the background of his mind. He tried to convince himself that he could end that connection with the alpha the moment things became too complicated and the pleasure was no longer worth it. Hyunjin tried to convince himself that he wasn't in love with Changbin. Of course, he never succeeded.
That's why a part of him understood this side of Changbin, he knew what it was like to like someone who didn't reciprocate your feelings. He knew how hard it was to let that feeling go.
"Ahhh, Jinie, you're amazing and you're so gorgeous! You know, when I first saw you I was really jealous." Felix makes an attempt to laugh, to lighten the mood and get his friend out of his pit of regrets. He starts spinning the Gemini rings of friendship he has with Hyunjin.
"My Omega felt threatened, you know how I am with Chris and when I met you and realized he had access to such a beautiful Omega, I got a bit possessive."
Felix moves to meet Hyunjin's eyes, which are fixed on the floor. The blond practically lies down on the floor and turns upside down so that his eyes finally meet Hyunjin's.
He continues:
"It went by fast though, after we were introduced and became close I started to think that you were actually an angel... I mean, omg no one can be that perfect!"
Hyunjin felt his throat closing and his tear ducts filling up. He hadn't gone there with the intention of talking about his complicated relationship, he hadn't gone for encouragement. He had gone after Felix because he realized how much he missed his friend, hearing his deep voice saying cute things.
He also didn't intend to start crying at words he didn't know he needed to hear until he heard them.
"I'm not perfect."
Hwang speaks, his voice already watery from his best friend's words. Felix remains in his lying position and Hyunjin looks at his face, his adorable freckles and snub nose, his hair fluffy and messy from movement.
How can someone like him say that Hyunjin is perfect? Felix who is perfect, Felix has exactly everything an alpha looks for in an omega, Felix is the person Changbin is in love with.
The more he thinks about it, the more Hyunjin wants to cry, he doesn't want to look at the person who is the epicenter of all the mess he's gotten himself into. He doesn't want to, because he knows that Felix is totally blameless, Felix is not to blame for the feelings and thoughts that others have about him.
If there is a culprit there, it's Hyunjin himself, who made his choice even though he knew the situation.
But... it would be so easy to blame someone else, to take his anger out on someone else.
It would be so easy... if that person wasn't Felix.
Hyunjin can't bring himself to hate or blame Felix, not for one damn second when he tried before.
"No, you're not, and I love that about you. I love your laugh and also your dramas, even if I want to kick you sometimes. I even love your little snores when we sleep together. I love having you as a best friend."
Lee says all this looking into his eyes, pauses when Hyunjin closes them tightly, and speaks again when he finds himself staring at him again:
"The point is that you're not just beautiful in appearance, you're also incredible as a person, Jinie." Felix pauses for a moment, his tone of voice abruptly changing from gentle to harsher. "And if that person makes you feel less than then he's the problem, not you."
When Hyunjin's tears finally start to fall, Felix jumps up from his seat and grabs him for a hug. The taller one has to adjust himself to fit into the circle of smaller arms.
He somehow manages to rest his head on Felix's shoulder while his friend kisses his hair again and again. Tears flow from his eyes, as do the words from his mouth.
Hyunjin feels like shit.
"He likes someone else. And I stayed with him even though I knew it."
"I'm sorry." Felix mumbles into his black hair.
"I brought it on myself."
Felix lets him cry out his sorrows, himself feeling his eyes water. When Hyunjin finally breaks down, he notices that Felix is crying too. Because he's that kind of person, that kind of best friend. He feels your pain with you. And he cries with you.
"God, I'm a mess. My cycle is coming, that's why." Feeling that he might start crying again at any moment, Hyunjin raises his hands to dry the persistent tears, but Felix stops him, holding his wrists.
"No, you'll ruin your nail polish. Let me."
Soon the little fingers of the smaller omega are on his cheek, drying it with their thumbs. He closes his eyes as Felix carefully runs his fingers over them.
"Thanks for always listening to my dramas."
Felix turns away, taking care to dry his own tears. He notices that throughout the whole event Hyunjin never once mentions the name of this person he's seeing, and wonders internally if there was a reason to keep it hidden.
"It's not drama, it's your feelings! You know you can tell me anything, right? I'll never judge you."
He continues to hold his cheeks, forcing his best friend to look into his eyes again.
"I know, Lixie."
"Do you want to sleep with me tonight? We can catch up on our doramas."
Hyunjin allows himself a smile, after this emotional charge, Felix needs snuggling just as much as he does. Their Omegas beg for each other's scent.
"Yes, let's have our sleepover."
Later, when Hyunjin is asleep next to him and the laptop is playing an episode they'll have to rewatch another day, Felix loosens the elastic that holds the other boy's hair, running his fingers lightly through the silky black strands. With his other hand, he reaches for his cell phone to send a message to Chan, telling his boyfriend that he won't be going to his apartment tomorrow because he'll be spending quality time with his best friend.
..........
Hyunjin wakes up the next day surrounded by Felix, literally. The tiny Omega is clinging to him like an octopus, his breath hitting the side of Hyunjin's neck.
Hwang is too comfortable in his seat to move now, his Omega calm and happy in the presence of the other's scent. That's when Hyunjin realizes how much he missed Felix, this feeling that went beyond friendship, it was pure comfort, as if Felix's presence was the painkiller he needed for his headache. He felt ashamed for having thought of hating the blond at some point in their friendship.
Hyunjin looks around the room, with his vision limited by the few movements he can make without waking the little one, he manages to see what immediately catches his eye: a wall with a photo wall illuminated with yellow lights. Felix updates some of those photos every month and Hyunjin knows that he is in at least 80% of them, he feels a warmth start in his stomach, it's nice to know that he belongs somewhere.
That he has a best friend who wants to be in his company, whether it's taking lots of silly photos, or painting his nails, or simply listening to each other's playlists.
It's funny how he ended up in this student housing with all these people he now considers his crew. Even more so when you consider that the first person he approached when he entered college was Minho, not that any of them were looking for a friend or anything.
It happened when the older omega announced on the student wall that he had three vacant rooms in his student housing, an announcement followed by a list of specifications that interested people had to follow if they wanted to live there. Unlike many people who gave up after reading the list, Hyunjin didn't find anything particular that made him not try for one of these rooms.
He wrote down Minho's number and sent him a message a day later.
At the time, the only thing he felt about living in the student housing was a little longing when he found out that he would have to share a room with:
Minho, an omega
Chan, an alpha
And Seungmin, who curiously hadn't introduced himself yet, despite being only a few months younger than Hyunjin.
Minho was very confident when he assured Hyunjin that this was nothing to worry about on their part, as the alpha and he were long-time friends and his hyung was totally trustworthy and already engaged. And that, unless Hwang had a problem sharing a house with an alpha specifically, he could move in as soon as possible.
Hyunjin had no problem with alphas specifically, and Minho was very persuasive (the younger one found himself really admiring the other), so he joined the trio of friends.
The beginning was lukewarm, he hardly saw Seungmin and Chan, the alpha spent a lot of time in the university studio and Seungmin lived in his room. Hyunjin got used to having breakfast with Minho, and helping him with chores even when it wasn't his day to do them.
Lee Minho was particularly quiet, apart from the times when he threatened the other residents with a broom or frying pan, and also took care of his own business. He didn't question Hyunjin's nocturnal habits, when he arrived every weekend with a different smell mixing with his own.
The older omega wasn't one to judge, he'd never put his mouth on a stranger's genitals, but if that's what Hyunjin liked to do, then so be it. As long as he kept his encounters out of the door, it was nobody's business.
More than half a year had passed and it was just the four of them, the most exciting thing that had happened in their routine so far was Seungmin introducing Alpha on a Sunday morning. That is until, almost a month after the big event, his Chan hyung (no longer "the alpha I share a house with") appeared with a younger, unknown alpha, announcing that he would be the students housing's newest resident.
Han Jisung was very similar in personality to Seungmin, except that Minie leaned towards the sarcastic side, while Jisung went for the playful. He was also very tactile, always wanting to talk and touch, but never overstepping the mark in either regard. Jisung was fun like Seungmin, less scary than Minho and certainly more present than Chan.
He was the perfect person to talk to and get close to, and even though they didn't exactly tell each other everything, they both recognized each other as someone who wasn't quite in harmony with themselves. He was also very cute, those little round eyes could convince anyone to do anything for him.
And it was thanks to those eyes that Hyunjin, along with Minho and Seungmin(!) often found themselves hanging out with "the trio of alphas" (whatever that means) consisting of Jisung, Chan and Changbin, a friend of Chan's who lived in his own house with his parents and also spent all those hours with the other two alphas cooped up in the studio.
It was interesting, watching the others in their social interactions, Hyunjin who had raised his poker face to a professional level, just watching Seungmin revealing himself to be a drinking person, trying almost every drink on the menu and never getting drunk, and Chan dividing his attention between talking to everyone and on his phone to exchange messages with someone, also Jisung writing who-knows-what on napkins with a pen he got from who-knows-where, and Minho watching the younger alpha with heart eyes (that was very interesting, who knew?), but much more interesting was watching Changbin.
As well as being a good sight for sore eyes, the alpha was a social butterfly, no doubt about it. He was always involved in some way in the interaction of the others at the table, whether it was sharing a drink with Seungmin, writing on the menu with Jisung or turning to chat with Chan and him, and Minho if he was paying attention to something other than Jisung.
And so his first year in the students housing passed. It had been a while since Hwang had done that. Going to a club without the aim of drinking and sneaking off with someone, but rather just to dance and spend quality time with a group of friends.
So, just as he wasn't specifically looking for friends at first, he wasn't looking for a crush either, least of all on someone from the aforementioned group.
You see, Hyunjin was an artist, he admired the beauties of life, he found himself constantly admiring Jisung's eyes, Seungmin's smile, Minho's whole face. Not so often, he also admired the other two elders. His Omega was particularly delighted to meet two such charming alphas.
Chan followed the model of what would be called The Perfect Alpha, he had that harmonious beauty, almost bordering on the unattainable. Very unattainable, by the way, because even though he was no longer engaged, Chan never gave more than a glance in his direction.
He was very nice and a good hyung and treated him as well as he treated everyone else, and from a romantic point of view Chan and Hyunjin matched as well as a bird at the bottom of the sea, or a fish above the clouds. Hwang didn't take it personally, because in the whole year they had known each other, he had never seen Chan interested in anyone. Hyunjin just admired his beauty, like someone who admires a work of art in a museum: it's there to be seen, but you can never touch it and it will never be yours either.
Changbin was a case in point, he was also a handsome Alpha and could be very charming when he wanted to be. The first time he met him, Hwang sensed that the Alpha gave off that vibe that he would love to squeeze people in his strong arms, he was right about that, Jisung being his favorite victim, and even Seungmin if he was caught off guard. Sometimes Hyunjin himself was the target, a little more moderately, because instead of strangling him in a hug, Changbin would throw one of the muscular wonders over the omega's shoulders as they walked around the campus together. Like Chan, Changbin always treated him in a kind and friendly way, except that Hyunjin caught him looking suggestively on a few occasions.
Even though sometimes Hyunjin looks in the mirror and feels like getting out of his own body, he knows that he is beautiful. He knows how to enhance that beauty by wearing the right clothes, applying light make-up and doing elaborate hairstyles. He knows he's beautiful, even if he doesn't feel that way most of the time.
So, for the first time, he goes from being the observer to being the one being observed, he pretends not to notice Changbin's glances, he waits patiently for the alpha to come to him.
Except he doesn't. Not for long, and not for the right reasons.
It took three whole years for Changbin to come to Hyunjin, a year before that the omega discovered the alpha's crush on his best friend, and in that same period realized he was in love with said alpha.
It really was a mess. A glass ceiling that was about to collapse, its first shards falling three months ago, when Changbin invited him to spend their cycle together and Hyunjin accepted.
Now it was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down. And Hyunjin would be the first to fall.
