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Karamatsu looked at the sky outside his window, clouded over, and dark for so late in the morning. He paused to consider the weather again as he stepped out the door, and decided to grab his umbrella after all, although it never seemed to rain here.
Karamatsu walked to the train station, still watching the sky. The clouds moved at a cumbersome pace, each one rolling over the next, paying no heed to its neighbor as they pushed each other along. A breeze pushed its way through the crowd, sending a chill through Karamatsu. His gaze traveled back downwards, toward the city around him. The children dutifully making their way to school, adults to their jobs and appointments. The cars all seemed to travel at a pace somewhat slower than the speed limit, and they took a good few seconds to move again after the lights changed. Karamatsu supposed that it did make the city somewhat safer, but he couldn"t help feeling like his feet were dragging along a bit slower as he watched them pass by.
He redirected his gaze forward, toward his destination, and did his best to pick up the pace.
Stepping onto the train, Karamatsu found himself being pushed along with the crowd. He managed to keep his footing and find a place to stand. Though the train was packed, somehow the chill from earlier remained in the air. The train was silent, except for the sound of it running along the rails. Not even a hushed conversation was heard. Even if he listened, Karamatsu could not pick up an audible sign of life from the people around him. No coughing, humming, not even a breath.
Karamatsu made his way out of the train station at his destination. He almost expected the outdoor air to bring some breath back into his lungs, but it was as stale as the air inside.
A strange feeling came over Karamatsu. The street he now walked on was so similar to the one he was on when he left the house. Logically, Karamatsu knew it was a different street. This was the street that led to his workplace, that other street was the one that led to his home. However, walking down it, nothing had really changed. The people walking down it didn"t seem any different, nor the cars or buildings. Slow moving, dull, lifeless. That was how it felt. Though Karamatsu had left that street over half an hour ago, he might as well have not gone any distance at all.
A sense of longing made itself known in Karamatsu"s heart, and he willed himself to hold onto it. But it was dulled and it disappeared as quickly as it came, and Karamatsu"s heart was empty once more.
Karamatsu sighed and trudged forward once more to rejoin the slow march of the city.
Karamatsu wasn"t sure what he was doing here.
It had been a long day, and an exhausting one. When he left work half an hour ago, he"d wanted nothing more than to be home in bed. Even the journey back home seemed like a mountainous task.
...Perhaps that was it. It was such a long trek home, and Karamatsu really didn"t have the energy for it. Even when he got there, what would he do? There were still a few hours left in the day, and his apartment just didn"t seem like an appealing place to spend it.
Karamatsu wasn"t sure what place would be appealing, but he found himself drawn to this little flower shop he now stood in front of.
A bell above the door made a pleasant little jingle as he entered, and that sound coupled with the sight felt so welcoming to Karamatsu. Flowers and greenery littered the counters, shelves, and coolers, as well as every bit of floor space that wasn"t part of the narrow aisles.
“Ah, I finally got a customer. Welcome!” A man in a red apron grinned at Karamatsu, briefly pausing his current task of trimming the stems of a vase of carnations.
All of this felt very new and unusual to Karamatsu. Not only the shop"s interior, but the employee as well, were so brightly colored and welcoming. It brought a stark contrast to the usual colors of the city, and the air itself felt fresher than even the outdoor air. Though, considering how many plants were in here, maybe that part wasn"t strange.
“Well I was kinda hoping some hot chick would stop in though,” he whined.
Is that how someone should welcome their only customer? Especially in a shop with this much stock to sell.
“Ah- you were just thinking that my customer service sucks, right? Hahaha!”
Karamatsu looked a bit incredulous. This man"s attitude bordered on shameless!
“So what are you looking for today? Need any help finding anything?”
“Eh? Uh... I guess I"m not sure.”
“What"s the occasion?”
“There isn"t one.”
“Then, who is it for?”
“Uh... No one, I suppose.”
“No one...? Well then, what kind of flowers do you like? Or maybe you"d prefer a houseplant?”
Did Karamatsu have a preference? Had he ever thought about it before?
“Maybe... I"ll just look around a bit.”
“Alright. Let me know if you have any questions!” The man smiled.
Karamatsu wandered the aisles for a few minutes, examining each item. Hanging vines, pre-made bouquets, vegetable seed packets. A variety of planters and tools, and various types of fertilizer. Not only did none of it spark Karamatsu"s interest, the task of choosing practically made his head spin.
“I... don"t think I"ll be buying anything, after all.”
“No? Well, that"s alright, as long as you come back soon!”
The man grinned and gave a wave, but Karamatsu just ducked out. He couldn"t help but feel a bit disappointed in himself. The shopkeeper didn"t seem to mind him just looking, but he felt he had wasted the man"s time, as well as his own. Whatever the reason Karamatsu felt drawn to this place, perhaps it was best to just stick with his regular routine, after all.
Karamatsu had indeed gone back to his regular routine, but it didn"t have that same feeling of comfort that it did before. Karamatsu would go about his day, get done the things he needed to do, and head back home to rest afterward. To him, that had seemed fine, but now he couldn"t put aside this feeling of discontent. It stuck with him all day, and he felt terribly distracted throughout. He frequently caused his coworkers to have to repeat themselves, and accidentally bumped into a few people on the way home. He didn"t even notice the person calling out to him on the sidewalk until he was about to walk right past him.
“Hey, you"re back! I thought you would be.”
“Huh? Oh, it"s you again.”
“Huh?? That"s not a very polite way of greeting someone, you know?”
Can he say that after the way he greeted me yesterday?
“Just now, you were thinking I"m a hypocrite, right?” The shopkeeper laughed.
“Eh?! Ah, well...” Karamatsu looked away.
“Now we"re even, right?” The shopkeeper grinned. “Well, you coming in?”
“Um... sure.”
The shopkeeper ushered him in, and Karamatsu felt his mood improve a bit once he smelled the fragrant air.
“You didn"t seem interested in much yesterday, so I gave it some thought.” The man pulled out a potted plant and set it on the counter. “This little guy"s called a pothos. It"s really easy to take care of, so it"s perfect for beginners. Ah- well you didn"t say if you were, but I thought you looked like one.”
Karamatsu gave him a flat look, but examined the pothos anyway.
“Is it... not doing well? This part looks a bit droopy.”
“It"s meant to do that. This one"s still small, since I grew it from a cutting not long ago, but a pothos is actually a vine. If you let it grow, it"ll start to hang down, and you can even get it to climb along a wall or something. It makes for neat decor, and it"s good for air quality, too! Although if you have pets, be sure to keep it out of reach.”
“Is that so...” Karamatsu felt a bit intimidated by all this new information.
“I figured that was probably a lot, so I put this together for you, too.” The shopkeeper handed Karamatsu a small notebook. Inside were extensive notes on pothos care, though the handwriting left a bit to be desired.
“...Why are you doing all this for me?”
“Because you"re the customer, of course! I don"t get a lot of business in this town, so I need to provide the best customer service if I wanna keep this place afloat!”
Karamatsu chose not to bring up the poor first impression this shopkeeper gave, or his suspicion that this was some pushy sales tactic to guilt him into buying. He was certainly grateful after all, even if he hadn"t really intended to buy anything. And perhaps it would be good for Karamatsu to have something to do when he was at home. When he gave it some thought, after all, he realized he didn"t really do much with his free time at all.
“Well, in that case, I"ll take it. Thank you, uh...”
“Osomatsu,” the man grinned.
“Osomatsu. Thanks. Ah, my name is Karamatsu, by the way.”
“Nice seeing you, Karamatsu.”
Not "nice to meet you?" Karamatsu wondered.
Karamatsu had to admit he felt a bit excited to bring home this new member of his household. He very carefully set up a spot for it in his living room- near the window, but back behind the curtain, paying close attention to the notes he was given. He stood back, admiring the plant for a bit, then went back to reading Osomatsu"s notes.
“Apparently they like humidity... perhaps I should get a humidifier? ...But for today, this should be good."
Karamatsu gave a contented sigh, then went to sit on the couch and study the notes some more. If he was to give this little plant a home, he can"t be careless. This delicate life form was counting on him for protection and care! Karamatsu felt a surge of motivation at this thought- such a seemingly insignificant role was actually terribly important! When he thought about it, he was the dividing line between this world and the next, even if just for this one life, this... Epipremnum aureum. Heh.
With that thought, Karamatsu headed to bed. At first, he was unable to sleep, feeling restless at this new change in his life. Somehow, it was like a bloom of color, overtaking the various greys that had defined his usual daily life. This plant had given Karamatsu new life, and that grey world didn"t feel like enough anymore. Perhaps it was a bit silly, perhaps Karamatsu was getting ahead of himself, but he refused to entertain that thought as he drifted off to sleep.
The next day, on his way to and from work, Karamatsu ignored the red apron, as well as the voice of the person wearing it. He walked faster and faster as the voice grew closer, not slowing down until it had nearly faded away.
The moment he got home, he rushed straight to his room, nearly slamming the door. Guilt and shame wrung out his heart.
I failed it. I"ve failed.
Though it wasn"t an uncommon occurrence for Karamatsu, somehow, he couldn"t brush it off as usual. Why was it? Had Karamatsu grown so attached to the plant? Was he so regretful to waste the money he"d paid for it? Did he feel guilty for wasting so much of Osomatsu"s time? What it was, he didn"t know. What he did know was that a dull ache had taken root in his chest in place of the joy he had previously felt.
“Oi~, Karamatsu~”
Karamatsu kept his head down as he walked by.
“Hey, are you going to keep ignoring me?”
Sighing, Karamatsu stopped and waited for the florist to catch up.
“What"s up, dude? Having a bad day? Or days?”
“...Yeah, something like that.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
He would probably feel better, but Karamatsu didn"t want to have to admit to Osomatsu that he"d killed the pothos in just one night. Actually, when he thought about it, it was pretty absurd. Or rather, wasn"t it really unusual? No matter what about its new environment had been disagreeable to the plant, it surely could have lasted just a bit longer, right?
Were Karamatsu"s suspicions about the florist"s sales tactics true, after all? Could the plant have been sabotaged? That seemed unrealistic as well, though. Karamatsu"s motivation to buy something from the shop had already been waning, and by now it had entirely dissipated. It should have been clear enough to Osomatsu as well, and anyway, Karamatsu felt that it was wrong to suspect him to begin with. He definitely seemed to care a lot for all the plants in his shop, or else they wouldn"t be thriving so much. And he"d gone to such efforts to write all those notes, too. There would be no reason to do that if he had really set the plant up to wither so quickly.
Karamatsu"s thoughts were interrupted by a hand on his shoulder.
“Let"s go sit down somewhere, yeah?”
Sitting on a park bench, Karamatsu stared at the clouds for a while, unsure what to say. He"d rather not fess up to destroying the shop"s merchandise, even if it was technically his.
“So? What"s up? I know you heard me calling you yesterday, and today you tried to walk by again. Did something happen to the plant?”
Karamatsu looked away, guilt surely showing on his features.
“You know, you could just bring it by. I"m sure I could help you figure out what the problem is and fix it. It"s not a bad thing to need help, especially with something you"re new at.”
“...I killed it.”
“Eh?”
“I killed the plant.”
“Killed it?” Osomatsu raised his eyebrows. “What do you mean? Why would you do something like that?”
“Not on purpose!”
“Maybe you should bring it by after all, then.” Osomatsu laughed. “It"s probably not dead. You can"t just kill a plant that quickly, unless it caught on fire or something. It didn"t, did it?”
“No, it didn"t catch on fire. But it"s definitely not alive anymore... I tried to follow all the advise you gave me. The placement, the lighting, everything. I went over the notes multiple times. But when I woke up the next morning... it was completely dry and shriveled and brown, even down to the roots.”
“Ehh~? ...Even the roots, huh?” Osomatsu stared at Karamatsu for another moment, then leaned back on the bench. He stared up at the city"s ever-dark clouds for a few minutes, so Karamatsu did the same.
“Well,” he continued at length, “one day is pretty impressive. But don"t feel too bad about it. Even I mess things up sometimes. I"ve killed plants before, and I"ve screwed up plenty of things in my daily life, too. There were times when I didn"t think I"d be able to fix things, but somehow they worked out. What I mean to say is, if you"ve done the best you can, why keep worrying? It"s not gonna do you any good, and it"ll turn those wrinkles permanent, you know?” Osomatsu chuckled, poking the spot between Karamatsu"s knit brows.
Karamatsu relaxed upon realizing how tense he"d been, but his mouth remained down-turned.
“It"s not just the plant,” he explained. “I was excited to have a change for once, even if it was just a little one. It made me happy to have something I chose to do, just for the enjoyment of it. And it was nice to have something that looked so colorful compared to my usual surroundings. The thought that I took something like that only for my own sake and ended up ruining it makes me feel guilty, and I wonder what the purpose of it was. It"s one thing to accept that I failed, but to even think of trying again...”
“But you didn"t accept it, did you? If you"re still thinking about it, and if you have that much to say about it, aren"t you still hung up on it?”
“Maybe, but what difference does it make? Even so, I think it"s for the best if I just go back to my normal life. Not just for me, but for the sake of whatever else I might ruin.”
“”What dif-" It makes a huge difference! You know how much less bummed you"d be feeling right now if you"d actually accepted your failure? And then you try to logic your way out of having to try again!”
Karamatsu looked away, stubbornly refusing to respond.
After a few moments, Osomatsu stood from his spot on the bench, looking over to meet Karamatsu"s eyes. “You can be stupidly stubborn sometimes, you know. You"re not doing yourself or anyone else any favors by staying stuck like this. I"ll be at the flower shop like usual tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. And when you"re done keeping yourself in a rut- stop in again, okay?”
Hearing the smile in his voice, Karamatsu felt a pang of shame at his continued refusal to answer the man. Once his footsteps had faded away, Karamatsu let out a deep sigh and started on his way home.
“He sure likes to talk as if he knows me. I haven"t accepted it? I don"t know how much more I could accept it. And I"m not excusing myself from trying again- isn"t it just the right thing to do? If stepping outside of my usual routine might cause harm, then I should just stop. And it"s not like my usual life is so bad... I"m not unha-...”
Karamatsu"s face went red upon noticing the people around him starting to stare. He ducked his head down and increased his pace.
Anyway, is he really just going to wait around for me to show up again? What reason does he have to care so much? Although, if it"s as he said and he doesn"t get any other customers, he probably doesn"t have much else to do.
Well, what else could he do? If nothing else, Karamatsu felt obligated to go back if Osomatsu was expecting him.
...And I"m stubborn, huh?
Though he intended to go back, Karamatsu couldn"t help but avoid the flower shop the next two days. Maybe it was his fear of trying again, or maybe he felt a bit spiteful about the shopkeeper"s assumption that he"d come back.
Regardless, Karamatsu paced about his apartment, unsure what else to do with his day off. He"d love to find anything else to do, but he started to wonder just what it was he"d always done on his previous days off. When he tried to remember, the memory was foggy. He thought he usually hung around his apartment, but there wasn"t much to do here. He didn"t really have any hobbies, and he usually bought pre-made food instead of cooking. He didn"t have a TV either, but he remembered lounging about quite a bit on past weekends.
This time, however, Karamatsu couldn"t sit still for long. His thoughts wandered, his leg started to bounce, he tapped the armrest and his gaze wandered around more and more quickly. Surely he couldn"t have done this all day before.
Fed up with his increasing boredom, Karamatsu got up to take a walk instead. He noted the usual details of the city. Grey overcast, cars moving at a sluggish pace, people going about their routines with seemingly no joy.
It was the usual, yes, but it looked very different to Karamatsu. Was anyone in a rush? Did the children never play? Had he ever seen a blue sky overhead?
Karamatsu stopped at the park and sat down on a bench, continuing to examine his surroundings. Even here, people simply walked about or sat on the grass. There was no yelling or laughing, no running or playing. No one seemed to be enjoying themselves much, though they didn"t necessarily look bored, either.
Was Karamatsu like them? He lived and worked here. He never left. He"d never had a feeling that he was out of place, so surely he fit in, right? Karamatsu thought he should want to fit in, since it was his home, but the idea that he was just like them made Karamatsu deeply unhappy.
Maybe it was their apparent lack of unhappiness that caused Karamatsu to never see a problem with it. After meeting Osomatsu, however, Karamatsu now had a comparison that he couldn"t ignore. The shopkeeper laughed and joked easily, and didn"t seem to mind even when he came across as rude. He took joy in his work in a way that Karamatsu had never felt himself or saw in others. He wasn"t affected by the overall mood of the city, which Karamatsu felt more and more inclined to describe as “dreary.”
What kind of person was Karamatsu, then? Was he more like the people around him, after all? Could he be a more colorful person, or live a more colorful life, like Osomatsu or the pothos? Karamatsu was uncertain, but he stood up from his seat and headed straight for the flower shop. If he wanted to find out, at least, he couldn"t keep sitting around like this.
“Hey, you!” An angry voice greeted Karamatsu. “I"ve been waiting around for two days, you know!”
Osomatsu stood at the counter, arms crossed.
“Ah, sorry.” Although I never promised I would.
The florist narrowed his gaze at Karamatsu, then relaxed. “I"ll forgive you this time, and I"ll look past the insincere apology, too. So? Are you feeling better then?”
“Yeah, I think so... thanks.”
The usual grin returned to Osomatsu"s face. “So! I"ve been thinking. Maybe I kinda pushed the pothos on you before.”
“That"s not-”
“So how about this? I"ll make suggestions, but you"ll be the one to decide.”
“...Osomatsu, I don"t really want anything anymore.”
“Come on, this time we"ll find something you like!”
“I"d prefer not to. And aren"t you trying really hard just to make another sale?”
Osomatsu looked at him for a moment. “...Alright then, it"s on the house.”
“Eh?! Why?!” Karamatsu was thoroughly confused by this man. He"s been pushing Karamatsu to visit his shop and look at his stock, striking up conversation (even if he was sometimes a bit annoying), and for what? Just so he could give stuff away for free? “How come you"re willing to give product away for nothing? And why is your shop so full to begin with?”
“Well, for our customers, of course!”
“But you said you don"t get any customers.”
“Not yet, but...”
“But what? How long are you willing to wait just for one customer? How is a shop like this sustainable?”
“It"s not about sustainability. I just do this because I want to.”
“How can you enjoy something like this?” Karamatsu was starting to feel vexed, though he didn"t know why.
“How? I don"t know, it"s relaxing I guess? I like watching the plants grow, or putting a nice bouquet together.”
“No, that"s not what I mean! I mean, I-… I guess I don"t really know.” Unable to word his frustrations, the feeling floundered and sunk before Karamatsu could even get a grasp on it. When he thought about it, he really couldn"t say when the last time was that he had even felt that way. The monotony of daily life had smothered any strength his emotions may have otherwise wielded, so Karamatsu felt a bit helpless now, unable to hold onto even such an unpleasant one as anger.
“Why don"t you just give it a try, this once?” Osomatsu"s smile was more sincere and soft than usual, matching his tone. At said tone, Karamatsu lost the last of his will to argue, and relented.
“Then, let"s start with... how about these?” The florist held up a green flower with countless petals. “It"s a chrysanthemum. Green ones symbolize good fortune or good health. You"ll probably need it if you want this bouquet to last longer than that pothos,” he laughed.
“Eh, you"re going to bring that up again??”
“Sorry, sorry!”
“...Well, it does look nice. I"ll take it.”
“Okay! Next, I"m thinking some purple carnations.”
“They"re certainly pretty. What"s the meaning behind these?”
“Whimsy, I think? Spontaneity?”
“Hmm...”
“No? How about these, then?” Osomatsu held up a tall stalk with flowers growing on the upper portion. “This ones a delphinium. It represents positive change.”
Karamatsu smiled. “I like that.”
“Alright, we"ll add this one in then. For the next one-”
“These ones!” Karamatsu pulled out a sunflower. “It would brighten up the bouquet, no?”
“Good choice!” Osomatsu regarded the choices so far. “You"ve got a few good-sized flowers already. You don"t want it to look to bulky, so for the next one, we should probably add some texture.”
“Texture? How do you do that?”
“There are different ways.” Osomatsu pointed out some options as he spoke. “Maybe some foliage, or berries. You could even add something like feathers- but I don"t have any here,” the shopkeeper added upon seeing Karamatsu"s eyes light up.
“No feathers, huh? A shame, it would have added some... je ne sais quoi.” Karamatsu smirked.
“Huh?” Osomatsu cackled. “What does that even mean?”
“Well, it means... uh...” Karamatsu looked away, unable to answer. “Ah! How about these, then? Perhaps this meets the standards of "texture"?”
“Oh, pink astilbe? I think I can work with that.” He picked a small bunch, then added it to the other three. “Well, this is a pretty good amount, I guess.”
“Eh, just that?”
“Hm?” Osomatsu looked up at Karamatsu. “Karamatsu, are you having fun with this? Even though you were so grumpy last time we talked?”
“I wasn"t grumpy, I just... was having a bad day.”
“Grumpy then, got it.”
“Anyway,” Karamatsu interrupted, picking up another flower, “I think I"d like to add these ones. What do these mean?”
“Just so you know, you can add whatever looks good- it doesn"t have to mean anything. But if you"re interested, the red geranium symbolizes good health, if I"m remembering right. And happiness, I think.”
“Happiness, hmm? Let"s add it.”
“Okay, done. How"s this, then?” Osomatsu held up the selection. “I"ll add some greenery, and then-”
“That"s all?”
“Eh?”
“Well, I could add more, couldn"t I?”
“This is free, you know? I feel like my good will is being taken advantage of here!” Osomatsu complained, half-seriously.
“Then, I"ll pay.”
“Seriously?” Osomatsu stared for a moment, then chuckled. “I guess you must be feeling better, after all. So? What is it you want to add?”
“It just feels like it"s missing... something.”
“What, that je-ne-say-whatever?”
“Hmm...” Karamatsu held a hand up to his chin, then looked around the shop. “This!”
Osomatsu followed Karamatsu, who had plucked a blue rose from its vase.
“That one? Are you sure? You already have a bunch of different colors, and it really is getting kinda bulky.”
“It won"t work, then?” Karamatsu"s face dimmed slightly.
“Well, I didn"t say that. I"m a professional, remember!” Osomatsu eyed the mix along with the roses. “Yeah, I think I can make this work. Gimme about an hour or so.”
Karamatsu wandered town restlessly, constantly peeking through shop or restaurant windows to check the time.
Only half an hour has gone? Well, I suppose I can"t head back yet, then.
Karamatsu wondered how the arrangement would turn out. Would it come with a vase? The shop did have vases, so Karamatsu would have to get one if he wanted the flowers to last more than a day.
Hopefully they can last more than a day.
Now that Karamatsu thought of it, there were quite a few flowers in the mix that he"d picked. How would he get it home? Would it be awkward to carry? Speaking of awkward, Karamatsu would definitely stand out on his commute carrying something so big and colorful. The fact that he bought it for himself was probably unusual too, right? Not that a random passerby would know. Well, it was too late to be rethinking his purchase now. And anyway, Karamatsu still felt happy about it. He didn"t have much else to spend his money on, and he got the feeling that by doing this, he might change, even if just a small amount.
“Alright, here it is! How"s it look?”
“Wow, it really came together!”
“I said I was a pro, didn"t I?”
“Indeed you did, shopkeeper-san. I must say that your work speaks for itself, even in spite of your casual demeanor.”
“Hey, I"m not that bad!”
Karamatsu laughed. “No, I suppose not. So? How much will it be?”
“Eh, don"t worry about it. I already said it was free, right?.”
“I couldn"t take this for free!”
“Just take it, dude. I"m not actually here to make money, you know. I just like this job.”
Karamatsu pulled a few bills from his wallet. It was surely not enough, but he had to pay something. “Here, at least let me give you this much. You see, I could not bear to profit from the unpaid labor of a retail worker! Those civil servants who work day by day simply to improve the lives of others-”
“Alright, alright, I"ll take it! As long as you"re done with that painful speech.”
“Heh.” Karamatsu gave a smirk of satisfaction. “Then with that, I"ll take my leave. Thank you for your help, Osomatsu.”
Carefully taking his flowers and a sheet of care instructions, Karamatsu made his way home.
“Oi~, Karamatsu!” Osomatsu called as Karamatsu made his way to work.
He shouldn"t really be wasting any time right now, as he"d already left later than usual, but Karamatsu wasn"t really in the mood to work, anyway. Surely it"d be fine if he took a small detour just once.
“So? How"s the bouquet holding up?”
“About that...”
“Eh?? It"s already-”
“No, no, it hasn"t wilted. Not yet. It still looks very healthy, actually.”
“Oh, well that"s good then!” Osomatsu looked relieved. “I was about to wonder if you were being haunted by the ghost of some mistreated plant. ...So? What"s the problem, then?”
“Well... even if it brightens up my apartment, I can"t help but feel anxious whenever I look at it.”
“How come?”
“Because... it won"t last. These are already cut, so I don"t even have the possibility of keeping them alive. Part of me hoped that would offer some reassurance, but it didn"t. I don"t regret buying them, and yet I still wonder what the point was.”
“Hmm... you sure worry a lot about stuff that hasn"t happened yet. ”
“How can I help it? It"s disheartening to see these plants fade away so quickly. Before, at least I didn"t have to worry about losing anything.”
“So what, you"d rather just go back to how you were living before? If you ask me, it isn"t worth the effort to sit around wringing your hands over some uncertain future. You should stop worrying so much.”
“...”
“Hey Karamatsu, can I ask you something?”
“...Sure.”
“Are you happy?”
Karamatsu was unable to immediately answer, as he"d never thought about it before. But... now that he did think about it, the answer came to him surprisingly quickly.
“No, I don"t suppose I am. It"s rather... lonely here.”
“Well, if you"re so lonely, then why don"t you just leave?”
“Eh? I guess... I hadn"t ever thought of it.” Karamatsu"s own words surprised him. Actually, weren"t there many instances like this lately? Why are there so many seemingly obvious things that Karamatsu has never thought of before? Does it mean he truly is lacking somehow?
“Did I ever mention that I wasn"t from here?”
“You didn"t, although you do seem somewhat... out of place.”
“Right? Where I"m from, it"s nothing like this. Everything is colorful and disorderly- the weather, the surroundings, and the people too.”
“The people, too? What are they like? Are they nice?”
“Nice?” Osomatsu pondered. “If you catch "em on a good day, then maybe!” He laughed.
“And... you like this place?”
“Of course! A place like this is just boring, don"t you think?”
Karamatsu frowned. “...It"s a bit boring, true, but at least it"s predictable.”
“You like that?!”
“Well, that"s because... it has a sort of security...”
“But you said you weren"t happy, so what"s the point? Maybe every day isn"t fun where I"m from, but it"s way better than here!”
For some reason, this time, Osomatsu"s laugh irked Karamatsu.
“You can call it boring all you want, but I"d much rather stay here!”
“Ah- hey, wait up!”
Karamatsu ignored Osomatsu"s pleas, quickly walking until he was out of earshot, then slowing down as he continued his commute to work. He wasn"t sure why he felt so irritated. Did he care for this town so much? Karamatsu never thought of it as a bad place, but at the same time, he didn"t have much of a connection to it, either. And surely Osomatsu didn"t mean much by what he said. It"s certainly his right to have a preference, and isn"t it natural to prefer the place you come from? Then again, Karamatsu wondered how Osomatsu ended up here, if he preferred his hometown that much.
Karamatsu didn"t get much done at work that day, and sat on the couch for a while after he got home, further contemplating the argument. It just didn"t sit right with him that he should remain upset about a topic he didn"t really have any stake in. His eyes drifted between this and that out the window, until he tired of that and opted to find something else to stare at. For a moment, his eyes landed on the bouquet, but it reminded him of an argument he didn"t feel like dwelling on any more right now.
Ah- the pothos.
Karamatsu couldn"t find it in him to throw it, so it sat on the kitchen counter for now. Its pitiful withered leaves had caught Karamatsu"s eyes, and his stomach twisted at the sight of it. He"d truly failed his little housemate, and with such swift timing. It was the first time in a long time he"d felt such disappointment.
“If you ask me, it isn"t worth the effort to sit around wringing your hands over some uncertain future.”
Karamatsu sighed. How much longer will I keep moping about this, even when I go back to my usual life?
...Maybe Osomatsu had a point.
The shop door"s bell jingled as it opened.
“Welcome- oh, Karamatsu!”
“Hey, Osomatsu.”
“I was worried you might not come back after that. Look, I"m sorry about what happened. I didn"t mean to upset you, and I guess I went too far.”
“It"s not-... Do you have time to go somewhere and talk?”
Osomatsu smiled. “Sure.”
Sitting at the same park bench as before, Karamatsu took notice for the first time of the trees and other plants in the park. Much different from the ones in the shop, these all matched the muted colors of the city. In addition, Karamatsu noticed something else he hadn"t before- all of these plants- no, even the city itself, and the people too, all had a sort of... fuzziness? Or a lack of detail.
“It"s pretty convenient to have a park so close by. The shop"s nice, but it"s pretty crowded, so it"s good to get out and stretch my legs every so often.”
Karamatsu, now looking at the florist, noticed a stark difference. Osomatsu didn"t have that lack of definition. Karamatsu"s view of him wasn"t fuzzy, or muted. Wasn"t the shop the same? And if Karamatsu were to look at himself, what would he see? Karamatsu wondered, but he was afraid of what the answer was, so he didn"t look.
“Are you feeling okay?”
Karamatsu was pulled from his thoughts, remembering the reason he"d gone to the shop this morning.
“Osomatsu, I"m sorry about yesterday. I overreacted, and I shouldn"t have yelled at you.”
“Hey, it"s okay! I was in the wrong, too. I guess I kinda acted like a jerk, huh?” Osomatsu rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.
“I think I just took what you said too personally. About the city, since it"s where I live, and about myself... I guess I felt like you were making presumptions about me, even though we"ve just met.”
“Hmm... not to be, uh... presumpting-”
“Presumptuous.”
“-Yeah, that. But I probably know you better than you think I do, Karamatsu.”
Karamatsu was about to argue, but stopped.
What does he mean by that? ...He did accurately guess what I was thinking a few times now. Is he a surprisingly intuitive person?
“So? What are you going to do now? Are you still gonna go back to how you were living before?”
“Well, that was the plan. My work and home life are easy enough to get through, and even if I make a mistake, the consequences are never too bad.”
“"Get through"? What kind of wording is that?”
“What do you mean?”
“What"s the point of life if all you"re doing is trying to get through it? When"s the last time you actually enjoyed something?”
“The last time...? Maybe... when I was caring for the pothos. Or the flowers.”
“Don"t you wanna do things like that more?”
“No! I killed that plant! And it died so quickly, too. Didn"t you say yourself you"d never seen someone so bad with plants?”
“It is unusual, but I didn"t mean it li-”
“It is unusual, right? That"s unusual to you. But what"s unusual to me is the plant itself. All of the plants, and your shop, and you too! None of it belongs in this city. But I do, don"t I? Isn"t that why I couldn"t do anything to keep it alive?”
“You think it was your fault?”
“Of course it was! It died practically the moment I brought it home, and the bouquet is already wilting even though you said it should last at least a week! And that"s not all. I fit in so easily in this city. Every day I just go to work, do what I"m told, then go home and do what I think I"m supposed to. I don"t find interest in anything or anyone, and for the longest time I didn"t even have the cognizance to notice it! I couldn"t have a place where you come from, where everything is interesting and lively.”
For a while, the two sat there in silence. Osomatsu seemed to be pondering something.
“Sorry, Osomatsu. I shouldn"t have yelled, and it was rude of me to say you don"t belong here. I"m not upset with you, it"s just...”
“Don"t worry about it, I don"t mind. But you were right when you said I don"t belong here, and that"s not because I can keep some plants alive. Besides, I think you"re selling yourself way too short.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I think you"re plenty interesting! To start, you"re the only person in town who"s taken any interest in my shop.”
“Really?”
“It"s true! And whenever I say something rude, you make these faces like you"re thinking of telling me off.”
“Is it that obvious?!” Wait, so he knows he"s being rude?!
“Yeah dude, it"s super obvious. Like right now, you"re thinking "he does it on purpose," right?”
“Uhh... sorry...”
“You don"t have to apologize, I think it"s funny! And that stuff you said about je ne sais pois, too! Even though those lines were kinda corny, they made me laugh. It"s the most fun I"ve had in all the time I"ve had that shop.”
“It"s je ne sais quoi, my friend. Wait, you thought it was corny?”
“What I"m trying to say is that you don"t have to be so hard on yourself. And all this reasoning about why you belong here, or I belong there- if you have people that care about you, isn"t that enough to belong somewhere? Do you really want to take the easy route if it means being all alone?”
“...Do you have people like that?”
“I do. Even though they piss me off a lot of the time, and worry me sometimes, too... I couldn"t imagine life without "em. Not to get too sappy, but... I"d do just about anything for them.”
Karamatsu felt a strange tug in his chest.
“I... wish I had people like that, too. Maybe then... maybe then I wouldn"t mind so much when things got difficult.”
“Ah, c"mon Kara,” Osomatsu looked over with a smile that almost seemed... hurt? “You"re one of those people too, you know?”
"Kara"?
“You belong there too. Back home. If you go there, you won"t be alone anymore.”
“Eh? I belong?”
“Yup. There"re a bunch of people there who would miss you if you were gone. You should probably get back soon before you worry them. Even right now, there"s someone who cares about you, waiting for you to get back.”
Who are these people he"s talking about? Who"s waiting for me, and what does he mean by "back"?
“...Who are you, Osomatsu? How do you know all this?”
Osomatsu grinned and rubbed a finger under his nose, a response that filled Karamatsu with an overwhelming nostalgia, though he didn"t know why.
“Well, I"m one of the people waiting for you, of course!”
Karamatsu was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to go home, even though he"d never felt that way before about his dreary apartment. No, he still didn"t feel that way about it. The place he wanted to go to was...
“How can I get to this place?”
Osomatsu laughed. “You"re already there, dummy!”
“What does that mean?” Karamatsu felt disappointed. Was it all a joke, then? If so, he didn"t find it funny at all.
“All you have to do,” Osomatsu sat up to face him, “is wake up.”
“Wake... up?”
“Yeah! Wake up, Karamatsu.”
“I don"t under-”
“Oiiii, earth to Karamatsu~”
“Osomatsu, what-”
“Wake up Kara. Karamatsu!”
Finally, Karamatsu opened his eyes. He recognized the room he was looking up at, and the surface underneath him. He was laying in the bedroom on the futon, his older brother kneeling next to him and shaking his shoulders.
“...Osomatsu?”
“Geez, finally. You"ve been asleep almost all day! Nii-chan was getting worried~!” Osomatsu whined. “You catch a cold or something?”
“Hm?”
“I"m asking if you"re sick.”
Karamatsu slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to clear the fog in his brain. “Ah... no, I don"t think so.”
“No? Are you hungry, then? I saved you some food from lunch, if you want.”
Karamatsu paused, trying to remember something, but couldn"t grasp it. “Okay,” he said at length, standing up to change.
Osomatsu led him downstairs, but kept glancing back at him with a raised eyebrow. Once in the living room, Osomatsu went into the kitchen to warm up Karamatsu"s food, telling him to take a seat at the table. Karamatsu complied, saying nothing the whole time. Absentmindedly, he traced a fingernail across the wood grain of the tabletop. Osomatsu returned with a plate for Karamatsu (shamelessly taking a bite for himself) and set it down in front of him.
“Hey, are you alright? Are you sick after all?”
Karamatsu looked over at him. “Ah, no. I was just... thinking about a dream I had.”
“What about?” Osomatsu inquired, taking a seat.
“I"m not sure. I think... it wasn"t a very good dream. And stop taking my food.”
Osomatsu set the shrimp back down. “Aw, did Karamachu have a nightmare~?”
“Well, I don"t know if I would call it a nightmare, exactly. It wasn"t all bad... It was just... kind of lonely.”
Osomatsu looked at him for a moment. He then scooted over until he was sitting next to Karamatsu and pulled him into a hug. Karamatsu leaned against his shoulder and hugged him back. Osomatsu was warm. The kind of warmth that chased away that hollow feeling that had lingered in his chest, even after waking up. The kind of warmth that cleared up the fog that had lingered in his head. With his head clear and his heart full, one thought pushed its way to the front of his mind, almost causing Karamatsu to tear up in response.
There"s someone who cares about you, who"s waiting for you to get back.
Karamatsu couldn"t remember who said that to him, but the memory made his eyes mist up all the same.
Finally, Karamatsu pulled back, and Osomatsu reached up to ruffle his hair.
“Welcome back, Karamatsu.”