Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jungwon watches Jay stagger off stage, following closely behind trying to catch up. Once he’s next to him, he slips an arm around his hyung’s waist. Jay bumps his head into Jungwon’s in acknowledgement but says nothing, still steadying his breathing. He can feel his hyung starting to shake. Jungwon starts to purposefully slow their steps, hoping to give them a brief moment to come down before rejoining the chaos to come. Once the rest of the team comes into view, Jungwon gives Jay a strong squeeze on his side from where his hand is still resting before reluctantly letting Jay go and straightening up. Jungwon peeks at Jay quickly to double check before they have to continue their responsibilities. Jay finally glances back at Jungwon giving him a soft smile with glossy eyes. Something unspoken hidden in them. 

Can you do this?  

I’m fine. 

We can step away.  

Later, I promise.

Jungwon’s hard eyes soften once he has deemed Jay to have steeled himself enough. He turns and begins to give his full attention to the members, Jungwon heads towards Heeseung and Jake while Jay beeline’s towards Riki. Jungwon laughs lightly to himself at that. Riki has been Jay’s son since the moment they met. Jay doesn’t play favorites openly but he has always been attuned to the maknae. Once he’s close enough to Heeseung and Jake, he notices just how exhausted they all look. Heeseung, who normally doesn’t like affection in public, has spread out on Jake in tiredness. Jake in turn has leaned across Heeseung, looking at something on his phone. Jungwon lightly taps Jake’s shoulder as to not startle him and then moves to pat his hyung’s head. Like a puppy Jake leans into the touch before sitting up and giving Jungwon a small smile. 

“Heeseung hyung must have been really tired for him to be like this.” Jungwon says softly, hoping to give Heeseung a few more moments of rest.

“Yeah,” Jake sighs, leaning more into Jungwon’s touch. “He’s still not sleeping the best, y’know? We’re working on it but there’s only so much we can do right now.”

Jungwon nods in understanding. The back and forth. The  time zone changes. The language changes for fuck’s sake have all been wearing them down. It’s a miracle they are still standing. Well, standing is a loose way of saying it. Jungwon gives Jake one last pet before saying, “As much as I’d like to leave hyung like that, we have to get going soon. He’ll rest better at the hotel. Wake him up in five minutes okay, hyung?” Jake nods before turning back to look at his phone, lightly running his fingers through Heeseung’s hair. Jungwon smiles and turns away to continue making his rounds. He finds Sunghoon seated on the floor in front of the fan. Eyes closed trying to relax while Sunoo is pulling his arm to get him to move.

“Sunghoon hyung, quit hogging it. I can’t deal with my hair clinging onto my face anymore.” Sunoo says, trying to pull Sunghoon harder. Clearly it’s a losing battle. The difference in strength is even more apparent in this moment. Sunghoon could almost bench Sunoo at this point.

Sunghoon looks undisturbed and has a content smile on his face. “Aw, that’s too bad. Luckily there are plenty of hand towels around for you to dry your sweat.” Sunghoon says with a light laugh. 

Sunoo just huffs and sits down next to Sunghoon. He shoves his shoulder into him and Sunghoon finally concedes a little, scooting over to share the fan a bit.

Jungwon finally gets closer to them after observing from a slight distance. Calling over to them. “Don’t spend too long on the floor you two. We need to get ready so we can get back to the hotel.”

Sunghoon finally peeks his eyes open and glances at the leader. “Aye aye captain.”

Jungwon just sighs and shakes his head. Just as he’s about to find where Jay and Riki are, he gets called by the manager to sort out some final things for the rest of the evening and the rest of the week. Jungwon swears he’s paying attention but his multi-tasking skills are failing him at the moment as he’s trying to discreetly search for the missing two while providing acknowledgements and inputs. Once final confirmations are given, his manager says loudly to everyone that it’s time to go. Jungwon glances back behind him and notices that Jake managed to get Heeseung up, if you can call it that. Heeseung is standing but his eyes are still closed and he is still draped over Jake. Jake is whispering something in his ear while petting his hyung’s hair. Heeseung stretches up and starts walking to the exit, pulling softly at Jake’s jacket to follow. Jake being the more coherent one, grabs their bags before following Heeseung.

Jungwon sighs. Two down.

Glancing to his right he sees that the roles have now been reversed with Sunghoon standing trying to get Sunoo up from the floor.

“Sunoo, you do know I’m being nice. I will pick you up and throw you over my shoulder. Obnoxiously. Unceremoniously.” Sunghoon says with one hand on his hip.

Sunoo looks up and glares at him. “You wouldn’t. You’re just as exhausted as I am.”

Sunghoon smirks. “Try me.” Sunoo’s glare only intensifies.

Before the bickering can go further, Jungwon speaks up. “Sunoo hyung, you better get up now. You know Sunghoon hyung will do it out of spite and I will happily record it because I know you will squeal.”

Sunoo’s eyes go wide and Sunhoon’s grin only grows bigger.

“Fuck you both.”

“One.” Sunoo still doesn’t move.

“Two” Sunghoon gets in position.

“Fine! Assholes.”

Sunoo finally gets up. Muttering curses under his breath while walking towards his bag. Jungwon goes closer to Sunghoon giving him a high five. “Thank you for your service hyung.” “Always a pleasure Jungwon.” Sunghoon gives a final smile before walking to his own bag. 

Four down.

Jungwon rolls his shoulders and neck before finally searching for the final two. He finally catches sight of them huddled in the corner. Riki has a tight grip on Jay's jacket. Both are talking softly to each other. Jay’s hand runs through Riki’s hair softly. Jungwon can tell something is not right but it seems like Jay is taking care of it. Jay looks to be in parental mode and Jungwon starts making hesitant steps towards the two just to be safe. 

As if sensing Jungwon’s thought process, Jay lifts his head slightly and glances in Jungwon’s direction.

Jungwon frowns slightly and tilts his head to the side.

Jay just smiles and shakes his head in response.

Is he okay?

I got it.

Jungwon nods and uses his head to gesture to the exit. Jay nods and tilts his head back to Riki’s ear. Riki perks up a bit and Jungwon takes that as his queue to turn around and gather his own stuff before heading to the exit.

The cars are pulled up and as desperate as Jungwon is to sit by Jay, be near Jay, it doesn’t work that way. Jay goes with Sunoo and Riki while Jungwon goes with the rest of his hyungs and that’s okay. Jungwon can wait. No matter how impatient he is, he can wait. This is why he and Jay consistently share hotel rooms. They’ll have their moment. Just a bit longer.

Jungwon sits next to Sunghoon as Jake and Heeseung have taken up the back. Heeseung is back to spreading himself all over Jake again. Jake and Sunghoon have taken to scrolling on their phones while Jungwon gives himself a moment and rests his still warm face against the cool window. Closing his eyes to give himself a few moments to relax.

-

The drive to the hotel is fairly quick, thankfully. Jungwon is grateful his mind decided to give him a few moments of peace. Once at the hotel and room keys have been confirmed, Jay and Jungwon help the rest of the members get sorted. Jay follows Riki and Sunoo to their room while Jungwon trails behind with the other hyungs. Although Heeseung got the solo room, it seems Jake has been taken hostage for the evening. As Jake is getting pulled to Heeseung’s room, he hears, “Heeseungie hyung, give me one minute okay? I just need my other bag.” Heesung only grips him tighter and pulls him along. Jake makes eye contact with Jungwon before being pushed into a room. “Jungwon can you-”

“I got it hyung. Just open the door when I knock.”

He gets a thumbs up before the door closes. Sighing, he follows a giggling Sunghoon to what would have been Jake and Sunghoon’s room.

Once inside, Sunghoon points to the corner with Jake’s things. “Will you be good by yourself tonight hyung?” Jungwon says, leaning over to double check Jake’s things. It’s moments like this where he is grateful for Jake’s consistant organization skills. Everything is fairly easy to gather.

“Thanks Jungwon but I’ll be fine.”

Jungwon finally straightens from where he is, Jake’s luggage in hand.

“Are you sure? I can-” Sunghoon cuts him off.

“I’m sure. Besides I saw how Jay looked. You two should only worry about each other tonight. Don’t let us bother you.” Sunghoon gives Jungwon a sad smile.

Ah, so Sunghoon noticed too.

Jungwon looks at Sunghoon with a melancholy smile of his own.

Sunghoon helps Jungwon with the last of Jake’s stuff before trying to lighten the mood. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll probably make my way to Heeseung and Jake anyways at some point.” Both he and Jungwon laugh at how true that statement is.

Jungwon gives Jake's stuff to him before making his way to Riki and Sunoo’s room. Luckily the door is still cracked open so he lets himself in. Jungwon shuts the door behind and leans against the wall, observing and ready to step in to help if needed. Jungwon can tell Jay is almost at his breaking point. His shaking is picking back up as he’s helping Riki and Sunoo get settled for bed.

“Jay hyung.” Jungwon calls softly. Still watching. Jay just finished getting Riki settled in bed and is making his way to Sunoo in the bathroom.

Jay looks up and meets Jungwon’s eyes. He immediately relaxes and lets out a breath he doesn’t know he was holding. Jay glances over at Sunoo, who’s finishing his skincare at the sink.

“You good Sunoo?” Jay says double checking.

“I’m fine Jay hyung, don’t worry. Go already,” Sunoo says with a light laugh, “I think we’ve kept you long enough.”

Jay ruffles his hair before finally making his way to Jungwon. Jungwon stretches out his hand, pulling Jay out of the room.

“Come on hyung.” He says softly. Jay only nods in response. 

Jungwon leads them to their own room. Once the door is shut and locked securely, Jungwon finds himself with his back pushed against the wall softly. Arms wrapped gently around him. He feels Jay's breath shudder against his shoulder. Jungwon slowly, never rushed when Jay is like this , puts one hand on Jay’s nape and another in his hair. Jay only tightens hold in response, keeping his touch gentle.

Even when he’s like this Jay is still too mindful. Still won’t let himself go.

“I got you, Jongseong. In. Out.” Jungown whispers into Jay’s ear. The hand he has on Jay’s neck begins to rub slowly, trying to release some of the tension. 

Jay's breathing finally stabilizes a bit as he moves his face away from Jungwon’s shoulder. His arms not leaving Jungwon’s sides.

Jay’s glossy eyes meet Jungwon’s soft ones. “Won-ah.”

Jungwon leans his forehead against Jay’s, keeping eye contact. “I got you Jongseong.”, Jungwon says softly again. Jay nods in acknowledgement, letting his eyes slip closed. Jungwon keeps his eyes open. His eyes begin scanning over his hyungs face. He sees how much everything is truly weighing on his counterpart. He removes his hand from Jay’s hair and begins to softly trace his fingers along his hyung face. The sweat from earlier has washed away enough of the make-up to make Jay’s dark circles visible. 

Perfection is what is expected of them. Seven days a week and all hours of the day it feels like. If it’s not a performance, it’s an interview. If it’s not an interview, it’s a photoshoot. If it’s not a photoshoot, it’s a content shoot. The list goes on and on. All of this is mostly what they signed up for.The key word there is “mostly”. They didn’t sign up for the endless criticism and the millions of cameras that seem to find them even in the most hidden of places. Moments that should be private tend to get put on display for everyone to see. To judge. 

As the leader, Jungwon does whatever he can to protect his members but he is only human. His members are only human. Jongseong is only human . They all try to compensate for each other but there is only so much they can all do. They are professionals in more ways than one, much to their own dismay sometimes. It all takes a toll though. Especially, with how much they have been traveling recently he can only imagine this being even harder on Jay, Jake, and Niki. The three have been translating whenever they can at overseas schedules. 

Jungwon nudges Jay, foreheads still attached. Jay slowly opens his eyes. 

“Let’s get cleaned up. I’ll help, okay?”

“Okay” Jay says it so quietly. They both reluctantly pull away, Jay keeping a soft grip on Jungwon’s clothes. 

“You start the water and I’ll grab our clothes, okay? I’ll be in there with you in less than a minute.” Jungwon tries to reassure his hyung. When Jay reluctantly releases Jungwon fully and nods, Jungwon presses his lips softly against his cheek in response before stepping away quickly to gather their clothes. 

-

They take their time washing up. Jay keeps Jungwon close in the shower as the water washes away the physical grim from the day. If only the water could wash everything away but they take what they can get. They wash each other leisurely, not wanting to rush any of the time they get to themselves. Once out and dressed, Jungwon sits Jay on the toilet and dries his hair with the blow dryer. Jay keeps a hand clutched on Jungwon’s shirt. Jungwon doesn’t dry Jay’s hair fully, leaving it slightly damp. Jungwon loves looking at Jay like this. He looks soft and fluffy. It makes Jungwon want to protect him from the world. 

If only I could keep you as safe as you keep all of us .

Jungwon’s thoughts don’t get very far as Jay silently pushes him to the floor and begins blow drying his hair. Jungwon just laughs softly, putting up no fight. Jay dries Jungwon’s hair a little longer than the other did to him but once he is satisfied, he puts the hair dryer on the counter and helps Jungwon up. Jay grabs Jungwon’s hand and leads them out of the bathroom. Jungwon expects Jay to lead them to the bed but instead he takes them to the lounge chair next to the window. Jay sits sideways and pulls Jungwon in between his legs.Jungwon leans his back against Jay’s chest with Jay's arms settling loosely around Jungwon’s waist. They both turn to stare at the view of Tokyo. It’s almost calming when you get to see it from so high. They are high enough to not hear the traffic sounds but also high enough to see the city lights flicker softly. 

“It’s just us now Jongseong. Just us.” Jungwon says in an almost whisper. He softly lays his arms on top of where Jay is holding him, lightly squeezing. Jay tightens his grip and takes a few deep breaths in response.

Jungwon doesn’t rush him. He knows there’s no reason to. Jay wears his heart on his sleeve but he still refuses to be vulnerable in front of the others, sometimes stubbornly so . However, once it’s just him and Jungwon, alone, and away from prying eyes, he knows he can let go. They’ve been together long enough at this point to have this unspoken understanding now. They are each other’s safe space.

“It’s-It’s just becoming too much. I can feel my body giving out. My thoughts were…are becoming overwhelming.” Jay is speaking softly but Jungwon can tell his voice is straining to even say them. Jungwon squeezes Jay’s arms in response, knowing there is more but also acknowledging him. Jay sighs and puts his head lightly on Jungwon’s. He keeps his gaze on the night view. If Jungwon focuses he could make out their reflections but he isn’t ready to see his partner’s face just yet.

“I know I have no right to say anything-”

Yes, you do. Don’t minimize yourself. Jungwon thinks but stays quiet.

“-because we are all working hard. We all have the same if not rougher schedules but I just…I just almost broke. I can’t do that though. We- Us - I.” Jay is struggling but Jungwon just squeezes tighter.

You’re allowed to take a step back, I promise Hyung. 

“We can’t keep this up but we have to, it's our job. At least one of us needs to be okay and if I can fake it long enough to keep the rest going then it’s fine. It’s fine because everyone does so much. You, especially you Jungwonie, do so much for us. But me…..I can do more, take on more to carry some of their weight. I should be doing more so all of you can keep going.” Jay let’s out. He takes deep breaths like it took everything out of him to even say that. To be honest it probably did.

Jungwon finally focuses his gaze on their reflections instead on the skyline. Jay’s eyes are closed but Jungwon can tell he’s holding back tears Jay is back to slightly shaking against him. Jungwon takes a long breath of his own and sorts his thoughts before making his next move.

Jungwon gets up from where he is and slowly, carefully readjusts their positions so he’s on Jay’s lap, face to face. He wraps his arms around Jay’s neck and pushes their foreheads together again. Jay’s eyes are still closed, so he nudges to catch his attention. Jay’s eyes slowly open. The tears are in his hyung’s eyes but they haven't quite fallen.

Jungwon takes a deep breath, “You help Niki and Jake translate so the pressure is not all on them. You practice harder than anyone else and let Heesung’s voice rest. You keep Sunoo and Sunghoon distracted enough so they don’t notice the crowds. When we get to be at the dorm for once, you make it so easy for the rest of us. You protect us. All the time.” 

Tears start to fall. Jungwon forces eye contact.

“You work so hard. You do so much. I promise you it’s enough. You’re enough. More than enough.”

The tears keep falling as Jungwon slowly wipes them from his hyung’s cheek. The past 9 months have been harder on Jay than the rest of them and he’s been putting in so much effort to ensure everything is fine, to ensure that the best foot is the one being put forward. It gets hard though when there is still so much criticism floating like clouds around them, just waiting for the right moment to turn into lighting used to strike them down. 

Jungwon presses soft kisses on both of Jay’s eyelids before tugging him into his chest. Jungwon slows his breathing hoping Jay will match it.

It takes time for Jay to come down but when he does, he places a small kiss on Jungwon’s chest. His head turns to look back at the Tokyo skyline. Jungwon does the same after placing a kiss on the top of his head. 

Jay is the one to speak first. “Do you think they heard me today?”

Jungwon doesn’t need to ask what he’s referring to. He knows among Jay’s worries this is the one that is probably at the top of list. The fact that no matter how loud he sings, how he tries to sing with no backing track, that no one will hear him. That no one will acknowledge his ability. That they won’t think he deserves the parts he’s been given. With their latest song “Blossom”, this worry of Jay’s only grew. Jay was given more lines, deservingly so , and a high note that shows off his true range. However when the song was released, no one believed that it was him that pulled it off, that it had to be someone else. Every time they got to perform the song live Jay put extra effort in. Practiced and practiced to ensure no one had a doubt about him. Today at CDTV was no different.

Jungwon glances at their reflections before returning his gaze to the view. 

“They heard you, I promise.” 

-

They stay in the lounge chair for some time before Jungwon finally gets them up and moves them to the nearest bed. He tucks Jay in partially before he grabs their phones, putting them to charge and setting alarms, and then getting into bed with Jay. As soon as the light is turned off Jay pulls him close to his chest. 

“Thank you Jungwonie.”

Jungwon tilts his head up from Jay’s chest and kisses his lips softly. “No need to thank me Jongseong. We take care of each other. I will always keep you going and you will always keep me going. Lifelines.”

“Lifelines.” Jay mutters before kissing Jungwon back. 

The way they mold to each other has always been easy, natural. The way they can understand each other by just a look or touch is instinctive. Where there is Jay, there is Jungwon and vice versa. While Jungwon is their leader in their careers and group dynamics, Jay is always in the background taking care of daily life needs. Making them feel normal and like the teens/young adults they are.

They breakaway from one another but keep the distance between them very limited. Speaking in only hushed whispers as if taking any louder will break the bubble they created for themselves.

“I love you Jungwon.”

“I love you Jongseong.”

Their lips meet in the middle and pick up where they left off. Nothing rushed between them. Taking their time to explore and feel each other as if it’s the first time again. Gentle touches carrying more meaning than could ever be explained out loud. They forget the world around them as they fall into their love.

-

Let it be known that Jungwon’s alarm is one of the most annoying among all the members. It’s for good reason as Jungwon needs to make sure all of them are up and ready but it doesn’t mean he likes it. Jungwon sighs and opens his eyes. He reaches the night stand and turns off the alarm. Once off he settles back into his original place a little quicker than intended. The arm draped around his waist tightens and pulls him back. He chuckles and flips around facing the owner of said arm. Jungwon knows Jay is pretending he didn’t hear that alarm and is trying to go back to sleep.

Hyung is lucky he is cute.

Jungwon begins to trace Jay’s features with feather light touches. He goes from his eyebrows to his cheek, to his ever sharp jawline. Jungwon isn’t trying to wake Jay up just yet and honestly the touches seem to be putting Jay to sleep anyways. Jungwon could stare at his hyung sleeping all day and if it were a real day off he would but they need to get ready to fly out Milan. Airports really tend to be an all day thing. Jungwon cups his hyung’s cheek and begins placing soft pecks all over his face. Jay starts groaning with fake annoyance.

“Wonie~~ sleep longer.” Jay whines. Forcing his face into Jungwon’s neck.

“I wish hyung but we can't. We have to fly out today.”

“Even more reason to stay in bed.”

Jungwon just laughs and begins to tickle Jay’s sides. Jay yelps and starts reciprocating. Eventually flipping their positions so Jay is on top of Jungwon. 

Jay smirks looking down at Jungwon. “What if we go for Round 2? We’re already half undressed.” They hadn’t bothered putting their shirts on from last night. One, they were too lazy and two, they just needed to feel each other more to ground themselves.

“Hyung, if we do that you will have to carry me through the airport and I don’t think I can handle that.”Jungwon laughs.

“I’d be down. I could carry you princess style.” Jay counters leaning in for a kiss. Jungwon dodges and bites Jay’s shoulder instead. 

“Ow!”

“You deserved it.”

Jay just pouts and collapses on top of Jungown in protest. “Come on you big baby. Help me out with the members. We can cuddle on the plane I promise and have fancy room service in Milan, okay?”

Jay turns his head to look at Jungwon. “Kiss first.” Jungwon just rolls his eyes but gives in anyways. Both smiling when they pull away. 

Jay gets out of bed and starts organizing the room, doing his rounds to ensure they have everything. Jungwon sends a text in the group chat.

Enha is in Pain this Week

Jungwon : Anyone awake???

Jungwon: Hellooooooo??

Jungwon: Pls be awake. Today’s going to be a pain and I promise you all can sleep on the plane

Sunoo : I’m up, no worries Jungwonie. Riki is a different story

Jungwon : How bad?

Sunoo: He’s dead asleep and somehow kicked all his pillows off the bed

Sunoo : I nearly fucking fell twice trying to get to the bathroom

Jungwon: sigh~~

Jungwon : I’ll send Jay Hyung over in a bit, just focus on your stuff and let me know if he wakes up

Sunoo : Okieeeeeee

Jake : I’m up mostly but I’m trapped. Send help pls~~~

Sunoo : By Heeseung hyung or Sunghoon hyung?

Jake : Both! Every time I try to move they grumble and tighten their grips

Well I guess Sunghoon did really make it over there.

Jungwon : I’ll send Jay hyung to you first Jake Hyung. Riki will be easier than those 2

Sunoo : *rolling eyes emoji* 

Jake : The sooner the better. I’m getting stiff

Sunoo: I’ll try to wake Riki but no guarantees 

Jungwon : Noted

Jungwon sighs, setting his phone back down. He looks around the room and sees Jay has taken care of almost everything. He notices their outfits hanging up against the wall hooks. 

“Jay hyung~~” Jungwon whines from the bed. 

Jay's head pops out from the bathroom toothbrush in hand. “What’s up Wonie?”

“Can you go to Heeseung’s room and wake him and Sunghoon? Jake says he’s trapped.”

“Again?”

“Yeah.”

Jay laughs and shakes his head. “Sure. Let me finish and then I’ll head over. Can you double check everything and put the portable chargers to charge?”

“I got it.”

-

Jay leaves the room with Jungwon’s extra key in hand and heads to Heeseung’s room.  He doesn’t announce his presence once inside the room but observes how messy it truly is with the amount of stuff thrown around.

This is why we don’t have the 3 of them share a room.

Jay laughs quietly to himself and starts picking some of the items around him as he makes his way to the bed. As he gets closer to the bed he notices the tangle of limbs with Jake is noticeably asleep in the middle.

Trapped my ass.

Jay does a full lap around the room doing light tidying before commencing to wake up three. He pulls the blanket off the three of them, a rush of cool air coming through. That seems to wake Jake up at least.

“Jay?”

“Morning!” Jay waves slightly reaching for a water bottle on the end table. “I would cover your face or better yet turn towards Heeseung.” Jake's eyes widen slightly, definitely more awake now and takes the advice. Jay unscrews the cap of the water bottle and proceeds to pour a small amount into Sunghoons ear. Well, a relatively small amount.

Sunghoon jumps awake, arms flinging widely.

“Yah!”

“You asked for it.”

“I didn’t ask for anything! I was asleep.”

“Like I said you asked for it.”

Sunghoon just glares at Jay while sitting up in bed. Jay just smiles with a shrug. “We need to get ready. Airport day. I trust you two to deal with him.” He says pointing to Heeseung, who is still spooning Jake and asleep despite the noise.

Sunghoon looks over smiling softly at Jake and looking at Heeseungie. “Why doesn’t he get the same treatment?”

“Because I value my life.”

“That’s -”

“We got it Jay. With Sunghoon awake this should be easier.” Jake says quickly with a smile. Sunghoon just sighs and nods in agreement.

“Great! My work here is done.” Jay turns and starts to leave.

“Asshole.” Sunghoon mutters.

“I heard that!”

As Jay leaves the room, he sees Jungwon coming out of their own. “Are they up?” Jungwon asks. Jay smiles,  “2 out of 3 but they will take care of Heeseungie hyung.” Jungwon just nods and then gestures to Sunoo and Riki’s room.

“Are they not up?” Jay asks, making his way over.

“Sunoo has been for a bit. It seems like he just got Riki up but Riki isn't quite functioning yet.”

Jay nods in understanding. After the talk he had with Riki last night it’s understandable. People forget how young they all truly are, how young Riki is. Being a teen is hard enough, body changes, hormone changes, losing adolescence. Add their careers and living alone in a literal foreign country to the mix, it takes its toll. An outsider would think that being in his home country would make it easier, make him happier. However, it’s often the exact opposite. It reminds him what he gives up every time he leaves, that he’s slowly forgetting the language he grew up with, the language his entire family speaks. Jay does what he can to help. He’ll talk in Japanese more often than not with Riki and will watch over him making sure he never feels the loneliness that creeps in the corners of his mind. With how much they have been traveling back and forth from Japan though there’s only so much they can do.

“I’ll go check on him, Jungwon.”

“I don’t mind.”

“No, it’s okay. After talking to him last night I kind of want to double check on him. Can you double check on the other 3 for me?” Jay unlocks Sunoo and Riki’s room, passing the key to Jungwon.

Jungown nods, giving a soft smile heading towards Heeseung’s room. “You still need to tell me about that.”

Jay just hums going inside the room. Once inside he sees Sunoo in his suitcase. 

“Oh good you’re here Jay hyung. Can you get Riki up and ready? Most of his stuff is put together already.” Sunoo says, gesturing towards Riki’s side of the room.

Jay nods and makes his way toward Riki’s bed. Riki is sitting up but he’s definitely not in an awake state. Jay sits in front of him on the bed and taps his knees.

“Riki, I need you to wake all the way.”

Riki’s head raises slightly. Eyes blinking a few times. “Jay hyung?”

“Yes. How are you feeling?”

“Better but also like I got hit by a truck.” Riki groans, rubbing his eyes.

Jay just laughs softly and ruffles the younger’s hair. “That’s what emotions and not enough sleep can do to you.” Riki just groans again in response.

“We need you up though okay, Riki? It’s flight day and we actually have to dress up for this one.” Jay gives one last ruffle to Riki’s hair before standing up and making his way to the door.

“I’ll get the water if you don’t get up in a minute. Sunoo will happily rat you out.”

Riki flops backwards back onto the bed. “Fuck.”

“Language!” Sunoo says as Jay leaves.

-

With relatively little difficulty, Jungwon and Jay have had worse, all the members are dressed and make-up is sorted. The trip to the airport is uneventful and for once getting through security isn’t total chaos. Jungwon only relaxes once they are seated on their flight and Jay is securely next to him. Jay drapes a blanket over them so they can hold hands under the covers in peace.

“Get some more sleep, Wonie. I’ll wake you when they bring food around.” Jays says in a hushed whisper. Jungwon just hums and gives Jay’s hand a squeeze before letting his eyes fall shut.

-

Milan is pure chaos though, unfortunately, as they are on a strict schedule. Multiple photoshoots, promotional content, greetings, it never ends. Jay and Jungwon do get one night to themselves, where they do get their fancy room service. Room service comes while Jungwon is in the shower and once is out, a surprise is waiting. Jay has moved the little table they have to in front of the window, lights low and Milan's night sky on full display. The food is set up nicely with flower petals decorating the table and a couple of full flowers sitting in a water glass in the middle. Jungwon glances at Jay who is grabbing the last of the food from the room service cart.

“Hyung…..what?”

Jay turns around setting down the plates in his hand. “I thought it would be nice to be a little extra. Make it a real romantic date.”

Jungwon just laughs making his way over. “Where did you even get flowers from?” Jay bashfully smiles, “There might be a few missing from the garden downstairs.” Jungwon only giggles more and gives Jay a long kiss. “Thank you. It’s perfect. You’re perfect Jongseong.”

Jay kisses him back, hand coming up to softly cup Jungwon’s cheek. “I’m not. Far from it in fact. But I try my best for you.”

“No need to try. You already are. You’re more than enough.” Jungwon leans into Jay’s hand, kissing his palm. Jay smiles. “Let’s eat my love.”

Their food is nice but for some reason it tastes even better than normal. Maybe it's the ambience, the flower petals scattered on the table, the way they are talking softly to each other. Their conversation comes easy and stays light despite the topics they cover. Jay tells Jungwon about Riki and Jungwon touches on Heeseung and Jake and Sunghoon’s efforts with him. Their lives are never easy but these quiet moments help make it more bearable. 

Once the food is long finished, Jay dims the lights even more and stands Jungwon up. “Hyung?” “Slow dance with me Wonie.” Jungwon chuckles, “Always.”

Jay holds Jungwon close and they begin to sway gently. No music is playing but they move to their own heart beats. Their breathing is in tandem. Sometimes the silence is nice when it’s like this. They are hyper aware of one another and it just aids with calming them. Eyes closed, foreheads meeting, noses brushing for butterfly kisses. 

Jungwon nudges Jay. Eyes opening.

I hear you. I love you.

My lifeline. I love you too.