Chapter Text
When his heart was set on something, Hiccup would do whatever it takes to pursue it. It was clear, however, that it wouldn't come easily this time around.
As the rain died down by nightfall and they made their way back to the village, leaving the two dragons behind in the forest, he had offered to make a saddle for Astrid so she could enjoy her rides more comfortably. What he didn't expect was for her to follow him straight toward the forge. Finn, on the other hand, had already settled in for the night.
Hiccup didn't know where he found himself at the moment. There was that sense of ease between them both that had formed the longer they spent time together, but now for him, it was as if there was tar in his bones, tension in his movements. He couldn't stop looking over at her, wondering how in the world did he not see this coming.
She had always been so remarkable—so breathtakingly beautiful. He didn't push it all aside when they had their rivalry but he was only now able to fully take in how much she had grown up into the woman that she was today. And somehow, with her reputation, he had her on his side on something he never thought she'd be able to see past. At that moment, she was one of the closest confidants that he had.
Hiccup went ahead to light the forge up before starting to work, the warmth, a welcoming embrace from the chill that the storm had brought in. He began discarding the heavier parts of his leather armor as he usually did.
In the corner of his eye, he caught her walking closer towards the hearth, sighing as she felt the heat. His movements slowed as he watched her unclasp her mud-stained fur hood from her shoulders, letting the piece of clothing fall from her hair. She took off her metal shoulder pads and placed them near the fire to dry up.
"These are gonna be a hassle to clean up." Astrid muttered under her breath. "I don't usually consider myself as a klutz, so that's annoying."
It was difficult to focus on what she was saying, not when the glow of the firelight captured her so well. The light flickered over the curve of her bare shoulders, over the strands of loose hair that fell from the binds of her braid.
He had managed to get close to her when he helped her practice with a bow and arrow. He did it so effortlessly when all of these things weren't on his mind. But now that it was all that started to consume him, it felt like taking a step close towards her was a huge step, a breaking of a boundary. Even if his feet were rooted on the ground, he wanted so badly to close the distance. To get the chance once more to breathe in that familiar scent of lillies that had imprinted itself in his mind. To hold her, somehow.
The moment he finally realized what his heart wanted, he realized how difficult it was to carry it with him with restraint moving forward. However, it was Astrid Hofferson. With what he had always known about her, he knew that repression was all that he could really do.
༻༺
Astrid sighed with relief as the heat of the fire touched her skin, finally giving her the comfort and warmth she had been yearning for. It was a good idea following Hiccup after the storm. The fireplace back home wasn't bad, but it paled in comparison to the heat that radiated from the forge.
She watched as Hiccup seemed to flow seamlessly into a rhythm within his work. He paced from one table to the next, grabbing different tools with ease as if he knew they had been placed there this entire time without looking.
"Stormfly is a lot taller than Toothless. The way you're going to fly her is different, too, so you need at least a small handle to help you manuever her." Hiccup took out a small notebook he kept with him and began taking down some notes and a bunch of other symbols she knew nothing about.
In all the years she had known him, his work with Gobber had always felt peculiar to her. Why Stoick made him do so? She didn't know. He was thrown into smithing at the same age she learnt how to successfully wield an axe and, by the looks of it, it had done him a lot of good.
"You seem so confident like you've been designing dragon saddles your entire life." She said, her tone dull and sarcastic. Although, the look on his face did amuse her.
"It's all trial and error. Toothless' saddle took me weeks to figure out especially with the tail."
"What's wrong with his tail?" She asked. Hiccup stopped in his tracks as if she had caught him with a net. "Is there something you're not telling me?"
He set the pencil down slowly and looked at her. "More like something I forgot to mention. It's a long story."
"What other secrets are you keeping from me, Haddock?"
"There are no 'secrets'" He groaned, obviously tired of her constant accusations. "Look, it's been a long couple of weeks. So much has happened and there's only so much I could tell you on such short notice."
"Well, we have time." She said, dragging a chair close to the fire so she could sit.
"You plan to stay here?" He hesitated.
"For a while." Astrid replied nonchalantly. "So if you have anything you need to tell me, you better do it now."
Hiccup sighed but he was back in motion, draping leather over his workstation. For a while, he didn't speak. He only kept to his work silently. She let him take the time to find the right things to say, or if he had anything to say at all.
It gave her some time to watch him. She had only a few glimpses of how he was around Gobber's forge but the way he worked was as if Hiccup had made this place his own. Astrid thought of it all as uninteresting at first, but now she couldn't keep her eyes off of him. There was something about when Hiccup was focused and sure of the things he was doing, as if he was pulling her to him without even realizing it.
When he finally spoke, she found the strength to turn her attention towards the fire instead of him. "I had caught Toothless that night I was supposed to take him down." The statement felt unnaturally cold. Coming from Hiccup, it felt as if it had took a toll on him to admit so. "I hurt him, too. His tail was badly injured because of me."
"I didn't know." It must have been the last night he wheeled out the contraption he had been working on to capture the Night Fury. He remembered how he looked. Dazed and conflicted, with Finn behind him mirroring his expression. "All this time?"
He nodded at her, and she found the irony of it all a bit too cruel. All this time Stoick had tasked him with the capture, he had succeeded on his first night. She looked back to the couple of times Hiccup had arrived to training or meetings, disheveled and out of breath. Then, she recalled the massacre with the Nadders. The unrestrained anguish written on his face. Anger that was not aimed at anyone in particular, but she knew now was towards himself.
"Honestly?" She didnt know if it was the right thing to say, but she'd say it anyway. "I'm impressed."
"What?"
"How did you manage to go on like this? You've been killing dragons for a while now."
"It was never easy. Ever since Toothless, I couldn't stomach the thought of killing another dragon anymore but what other choice do I have?" He set his tools down and faced her, his tone rising with every word. "With everything Berk has to face, I couldn't exactly start preaching about pacifism to the village out of nowhere."
"I don't blame you, okay?" She didn't like how he sounded so accusatory.
"I just— It's been difficult. I'm sorry." He walked towards the fire and slumped on a table in front of her. "I've been on edge for months, Astrid. It feels strange that somebody finally knows about this after all this time."
"Were you betting on Fishlegs finding out instead of me?" She tried to play it off coolly to lighten the mood, but the way he tensed up made her frown.
"I didn't know what I was betting on. Until now, I have no idea what to do." The weight of their reality hung between them, and it made her feel just as uneasy. "Who knows what they find out in Outcast Island."
"Don't." She said too quickly, thoughts of her father on sea feeling unwelcome at the moment. "I don't want to worry about that right now."
"Sorry. Again." He replied and faced the fire.
She didn't like the silence that followed. She leaned forward towards him. "How do you plan on telling your dad?"
He gave out a nervous chuckle and shook his head as he began to fidget with the pieces of clutter on the table. "He might as well accuse me of working with Drago like you did." His fingers found another pencil that he started twirling between his fingers. "I, also, don't want to worry about that right now.
Her gaze was transfixed at the white scars on his hands and the rough callouses on his fingertips as the pencil danced in his grip. He could never sit still, she noticed, a restless soul bound by the rules of their kin gripping him like a vice. She could see it in the way he avoided the question—a topic for another time, then.
"Well, there's something else I want to ask." He didn't answer, so she continued. "Can you tell me how it all started?"
"Toothless?" He faced her instantly, curious to know if she really meant what she just said.
"Yeah. You haven't told me the whole thing yet. All I know is that you found him, you managed to tame him, I found you, and now here we are." She shrugged at him. "How does Finn fit in to all of this, too?"
The stone-hard facade he built up crumbled bit by bit, softening as he recalled the night he encountered the Night Fury. He had found Finn cornered by wild dragons only to be saved and protected by Toothless. How, in an attempt to save the dragon mid-aerial combat, he had shot him out of the sky instead. How he found him trapped and wounded in the woods. How he had showed him mercy, and in turn, Toothless had showed him respect.
"It was weird but also one of the worst weeks of my life, having all that you've believed in your entire life crumble to pieces." He shook his head in disbelief and continued to stare at the fire. "Who would have thought that I would ever find a Night Fury." Who would have known that he'd set him free at all? He didn't say it, but she believed that it was what he truly meant. "I could have killed him right then and there."
"A lot of us would have done it. So, why didn't you?"
A pause. Despite the warmth of the hearth, the cloud of his breath was visible as he sighed heavily. It took him a while to find the right words to say, but she was waiting for him patiently. "I wouldn't kill him 'cause he looked as frightened as I was. I looked at him and I saw myself."
His words hung in the air between them, but Astrid felt a pang in her chest. He made her think about Stormfly, her first encoutner with her in the woods. When it all still felt so new to her, she was unsure and ignorant, backflipping between two worlds that couldn't seem to make sense with each other. There was no malice back then in Stormfly's golden eyes. It wasn't hostile. It was curiosity, perhaps the same curiosity Astrid had felt deep within her psyche.
"Toothless means a lot to me now. I spent days trying to figure out where I stood in all of this but one thing was for sure; I would protect him." He sat up straighter now, the pencil on his hand now stationary on his palm. "And it's not because he didn't hurt me or kept me alive for this long. I have a strong feeling that everything we have known has to be wrong somehow."
"Hiccup, how could you say that?"
"You don't see it?" He asked her. "Why have we been killing them for so long when they aren't all inherently dangerous? What made all of this war possible in the first place?"
"I didn't..." Astrid was about to say 'I didn't realize', but really, what she had in her head was 'I didn't want to think about it'.
It was easy to hide from the truth once it rears its ugly head in the midst of continuous action flowing into your life, when you're thrown into one problem after the next without rest. But now that she was thinking about it, how does she make sense of it?
Where does it all fit?
She had spent most of her life running away from complicated emotions, throwing herself into the next task she needed to do to fulfill her ambitions. Rarely did she ever ask what it all means. Hiccup, a person she had known her entire life as self-absorbed and arrogant, now she knew was the type of person to question every single thing that comes their way. He was the type of person to run, to keep running, and yet still find the nerve to question it all. Looking at his determined expression, the furrow on his brows as he searched the flames for answers as if it had any, she preferred him this way.
"Maybe figuring out 'whys' first can help us figure out the 'hows' or 'what's next"?" She said, albeit not truly knowing if it made any sense to him at all.
"Where do we even start?"
"Well, that I don't know."
He turned to smile at her unexpectedly, a soft and small one that eased the tension on her shoulders, that cooled down the heat of the questions lingering about their conversations. He had shared a lot to her, his vulnerability, his confusion and torment, more than she had ever expected. The green in his eyes, dark in the firelight, evaporated whatever spite was left in her gut.
For once in her life, Astrid Hofferson was defenseless.
"How long can we keep up this whole 'not knowing what to do' business?" He asked.
She leaned back on her chair. "I could go on for another week or two."
"How 'bout a month?'
"You're demanding too much from me, Haddock."
"Hasn't it always been that way?"
A short laugh escaped her lips, tame yet very uncharacteristically her. "Another month then." She replied and she drank in the brief moment of vulnerability, one that could only last in rare nights such as this. Astrid didn't know when she could allow herself to feel this free again. Having her guard down in the presence of Hiccup, whose gaze she could always feel, was the last thing she expected to come out of their checkered past.
And yet, here they both were. She kept watching his movements. She found herself staring at the curve of his lips and the way the firelight danced on the shadows of his face. When he turned to look at her, a knot was forming in her stomach and she fought the urge to look away.
As Hiccup went back to his workstation to continue the saddle, Astrid stayed a little while longer. The silence was no longer suffocating. It was a peace she had been searching for so long. A part of her wished she could just stay, place the moon and the stars in a standstill on her command.
But everything must come to an end somehow. She willed herself to break free of the comfort. She bid Hiccup good night and walked the length back to her house, no matter how much she didn't want to.
༻༺
Days have passed and Stoick had been demanding Hiccup for answers on his progress with catching the Night Fury. He always had none to give him. This time, he could no longer run away as the sound of the horn on the distant side of the village rang. Another dragon raid was on its way.
Hiccup had no excuses now. All he wished was that this time, Toothless would not show himself as to give them away. With his father in attendance, Hiccup was running out of options on how to push through with keeping both dragons and vikings alive without alerting Stoick. As much as possible, he didn't want another bloodbath on his hands.
Hiccup took out his sword but never used it. He sprinted towards areas he knew dragons would flock towards: the storehouses, the fields, and the docks. He used everything he could think of to scare him away. But the sounds that came from the village square made him the most uneasy. Mortifying squeals of injured and captured dragons pierced his eardrums, and he was starting to draw blood with the amount of times he had bit his lip from wincing.
Whatever Stoick was doing was not something Hiccup wanted to see.
In the flurry of battle, he managed to spot Astrid on the higher cliffs of the village wielding her axe. She was looking out at the commotion of dragons flying in chaotic groups from the north. Time seemed to blur at that second, his movements faltering as he watched her hesitation. He had to get to her somehow.
But then the whistling of a Night Fury's descent pierced the night sky, followed by a flash of purple towards the far end of the island. At the same time, a group of dragons emerged from that direction, scattering and flying off into the horizon as if they were frightened by the attack. Panic rose from his chest. As helpful as Toothless was in their task of quelling casualties in raids, his presence was a liability with Stoick around.
Hiccup whistled loudly towards the night sky, hoping Toothless could hear from where he was. Sheathing his sword, he bolted towards the edge of the cliff, using all his strength to push himself from the ground to jump. A few seconds hanging in the air, Toothless caught him with ease; a routine that they were able to blend into like clockwork. He flew them both instantly back in the cover of the night away from the glow of the fires below.
Hiccup surveyed the damage from their vantage point. It was much worse than the past few attacks had been. Their vikings retaliated with more gusto now that their Chief was present, wooden houses charred and splintered by aggravated dragons.
"This is much worse than I realized." He murmured under his breath.
They were both forced to work farther away from the village, targeting the dragons ransacking the eastern fields. Hiccup wanted to minimize the amount of dragon fire they'd have to use to scare them away, but when a dragon near the main village was threatening to enter one of the houses, tearing through the loose windows in an attempt to pirate whatever was inside, a quick plasma blast was needed.
There was only so much he could do, having to steer Toothless away from the commotion before any other viking risked a closer look at the sky. When the dust settled, a looming feeling of dread fell on his shoulders even as he dismounted Toothless on an empty cliffside and watched him fly back to safety.
With every step he took towards the main square, he steeled himself for whatever realities lie ahead.
Gobber beat him to it, greeting him with a "Where have you been? Yer father's been lookin' everywhere for ya!" He didn't respond back as he usually did, following in haste towards a sorrowful sight.
Three dragons were sprawled around the square trapped in large nets, their limbs tied with rope. Standing before them, none other than Stoick The Vast. He walked towards his son with a single raise of his eyebrow, enough for Hiccup to know what he was asking for. "No Night Fury tonight, Dad." He sighed, adding an "I'm sorry," for good measure.
Thankfully for him, Stoick didn't seem to mind the disappointment. He simply gestured towards the captured dragons. "For dragon training to be back and running again."
Hiccup tried his best to mask his worry. It was something he should be used to by now in front of his father. But it felt too difficult to do so this time around especially when right passed a fallen Nadder, Astrid gazed at the scene with horror in her eyes.
༻༺
She prided herself in being so, incredibly brave for her age. Blood did not sicken her. Slaughter was a skillset she had to master at an early age. But when empathy for an enemy they've known all their life has been introduced into her psyche, all she could do was watch, for the first time, helplessly.
The morning after the raid came with so much conflicted emotions. She couldn't bear to watch them wheel the captured dragons into the arena, hearing their tortured yelps as they desperately tried to break free of their muzzles. She couldn't stand the thought of being tasked to handle them with a ruthlessness she thought she used to hold, but now she realized she never had in the first place.
When it came to killing dragons it wasn't out of the satisfaction of their demise. It was for protection. It was because it was all she had ever known; that they were mindless killers themselves that threatened their existence. Predator against pray. Life or death. The circle of life that kept their world in check.
But now, who was truly the predator? Has it always been this way? Why did they have to live in such a twisted truth?
She saw Stormfly in the eyes of every Nadder she encountered last night, even more so in one of the dragons now currently caged in a cell. She felt sick to her stomach as realization after realization hit her like a spear to the chest.
I have a strong feeling that everything we have known has to be wrong somehow. Hiccup's words echoed in her mind, a sentiment she has now started to share. She wants so desperately to find an answer—an ending to all of this turmoil—
"Astrid. Is that you?" His voice broke the hurricane of thoughts circling in her head. She was sitting on her own in the cove deep in the forest, waiting for Stormfly or Toothless to make their way back here. Instead, Hiccup had found her.
"How'd you know I was here?" She asked.
"I didn't." He hesitated in his steps. "I was looking for Toothless."
She turned away from him. "They're not back yet." She felt him walking closer to her, watching or waiting for her to address the issue. He didn't pester her at all like she thought he would. His silence felt too suffocating, and for once, she actually wanted him to say something. Anything.
"I've been ignoring this for too long now." She blurted out. Did he feel for her, somehow? He had been and is in a similar situation to her, right?
"I know how you feel. Believe me, I do. It's not the easiest thing in the world but what we have to do right now is to try and find a way out of it. Or at least, to get through it somehow."
"I can't do what you did, Hiccup. How could you kill those Nadders after learning about all of this?" The pain. The slaughter. The image flashed before her, now a memory painted with regret and agony. She continued. "I can't just pretend like this. I can't... I can't kill another dragon."
"I know you can't. And I hope you don't ever have to anymore." He threw away whatever barrier was between them, reaching out to hold her shaking hand with his own. "And we won't. I promise you that."
"I won't."
"I know."
She was desperate. Oh so desperate for things to just start working out. "I can't."
"Astrid," His voice was soft and reassuring, his firm grip on her hands an anchor she could cling on to. "You're the bravest viking I've ever known. You don't think we can handle this?"
She couldn't find an answer for that. Even looking into deep green, knowing eyes, she felt hopeless.
He didn't have to wait for her response. "You have me no matter what." She was magnetized by the comfort he emanated. She wanted to never let go of it. "Whatever it means, whatever you want it to mean, I am with you."