Chapter Text

Hell hath no fury like a frat boy scorned.

"Heaven has no rage, like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury, like a woman scorned." From the 1697 play The Mourning Bride (Act III Scene 2) by William Congreve.

Act III - Reality

~11~

It's so warm when he wakes up, he's sweating and untangles himself while throwing the blanket aside, then realizes the furnace behind him is San. He has no memory of falling asleep, but vaguely remembers saying some more embarrassing things. It doesn't feel so bad this time, or maybe he's too messed up to muster the energy to care.

San wakes up, blinking at him, and the smile that spreads on his lips sparks happy flutters in Wooyoung's chest. San wants to make out and won't be denied and when he's eventually allowed to come up for air, Wooyoung looks at his face and the happiness is replaced by fear. Who is it he has in his bed, and for how long? He's had two nights with this person, three now, that's all. He doesn't actually know him. And Mingi, and the girlfriend… He sits up and picks at his lips nervously.

Draping himself over his shoulders like a warm blanket, San hugs him tight.

"I don't know who you are," Wooyoung states.

"Were you that drunk?" San jokes. Wooyoung stays quiet, so he continues, "I'm sorry. For everything. I'm here now. I mean me , I'm really here."

"For how long?"

San is quiet for a moment, as if reality hits him. He's much more serious when he says, "For as long as you need."

That's just a line, Wooyoung thinks, the kind of thing fuckboys say to avoid talking about real stuff. For a second there, he forgot San is a frat boy. Wooyoung does a lot of questionable things, but he doesn't do this; he doesn't say fluffy romantic shit he doesn't mean, because it's cruel.

"You know more of me than you probably think," San says, maybe just to fill the silence. "It's very hard to talk to you and not… be real." His voice is rough with sleep. He hums a little, trying to think of where to start. "Mingi told me that you have a thing for virgins so we decided I'd pretend I'd never been with a guy before, to make sure you didn't tell anyone or do anything in public. I had to push you so fucking hard, with dropping the other guys, and bottoming, and everything. Other than that… I don't like lying. And all that sucked. I thought I'd feel like an undercover cop, out for justice, but I just felt like an asshole."

"Who knows?" Wooyoung asks. He's been paranoid around the whole soccer team, and all their groupies, and at times the whole school.

"Just me, Yunho and Mingi." It's like a weight lifting off him. San probably feels the deep breath he lets out, because he says, "I'm sorry," again, so quietly he barely hears it, just feels the puff of air against his cheek.

But the fact is that just as with the first round of lies - and Wooyoung is very confused at this point what is true and what isn't - forgiving San for it all is nothing, it's done in the blink of an eye; it's easy. Everything else, not so much.

"So you're not gay?" he asks carefully.

"Right, no, I'm obviously bi," San says, like he's lost track of the lies too. Wooyoung doesn't know what's obvious about it. "I'm also kind of out. I haven't come out like made a statement, but I'm not hiding it, some people know because it's come up, like Yunho and Mingi."

Wooyoung wants to ask about Miyoung but he also can't stand the idea of talking about San's girlfriend while cuddling in bed. He's never felt bad for hooking up with cheaters, and he certainly doesn't now, but he's jealous. Five minutes, five hours or five days, San will eventually leave and go back to her.

So instead he asks, "your parents?"

San nods. "They noticed my first boyfriend, and gave me some talk about not doing stuff just to fit in when I got a girlfriend later, so I had to explain the concept of both." He rubs his lower lip thoughtfully, Wooyoung can just barely see how he's pouting in concentration in the corner of his eye. "I think everything I told you in the late night talks is true. Sometimes I forgot that it… that we… that I was…" He abandons the attempt at defining his crime and moves on. "I used to like being up by myself, listening to the silence and having the world to myself, but lately it's been too quiet. I've missed talking."

Wooyoung wants to tell him how he's barely slept, and the anxiety has sometimes tried to swallow him whole, and that without his voice the nights have been endless. But he says, "Me too." 

"It's pretty stupid," San scoffs lightly, "but I have a whole folder on my phone with shit I wanted to show you, I just saved it anyway even if…" Wooyoung feels him shrug.

He wants to cry and smile at the same time, and tries to keep all the emotion out of his voice. "Me too."

"Really?" San says.

San sounds so casual, like it's just some silly things, and Wooyoung wants to dig his needy hooks in, but the truth is that San went on with his life. This is some little adventure for him, while Wooyoung's chest is trying to rip itself open waiting for the moment he says he needs to go back to his life. He shrugs off San's arms.

"I have instant coffee."

"I don't drink caffeine," San reminds him, so that was apparently true.

"Don't you have practice?"

"I'm missing morning practice."

Wooyoung doesn't know what time it is and gets out of bed to light up San's phone in the bookshelf. "It's only eight thirty."

"I haven't missed it yet, but it will soon tragically slip my mind," San clarifies.

"You can't miss practice. Does it start at nine or ten? We can get you there before ten. Go shower."

He gets no response, and finds San settled in, leaning back on his arms, looking like a man that's going absolutely nowhere. For as long as you need. His heart flutters but his stomach churns. How pathetic can you be? San ripped apart everything he was, and he's going to forgive him, just like that? But the only one who can help him through the process of putting himself back together is San, so what choice does he have? He feels like his mind is running in circles, chasing its own tail. He has to trust to be able to trust and where the fuck is he supposed to start?

Wooyoung can't play this charade and then watch San leave in the end anyway. Better he leaves now, so he can get the crying out of the way and find some way to survive. "Your girlfriend has written to you," he says, having seen the notification.

"We're not cheating," San says softly. There's an instant of hope that San will say she's a cover for his sexuality, that he doesn't give a fuck about her, that he's never touched her. "It's an open relationship," San says instead. "Really we're more like friends with benefits, but we like playing girlfriend-boyfriend."

Wooyoung considers that while filling the water boiler. "She's telling everyone how you buy her things and take her to movies and shit."

"I like being a boyfriend," San says. "I like buying her things and doing stuff for her. I bought you things too."

"You paid for my drinks a couple of times, that's not the same as buying jewelry," Wooyoung thinks.

San is quiet for a moment before he says, "I did buy you jewelry. It's in my desk drawer. I wanted to give it to you but…"

The rusty dagger twists in Wooyoung's chest. Real or not real? You probably think San is a monster, but it's not like that, Yunho had said, he'd do anything for the people he loves. Is it over? Or is this another level of the game? No one would go this far, it's absolutely insane… right? The water boils, he can't find the damned coffee.

"Do you know what people say about you?" he demands, slamming drawers, cupboards and cans. "They think you're the idiot who buys your cheating girlfriend things to win her back. How is it open if she's the only one running around?"

"It's not a secret that we're open," San says, the same way he said being bisexual isn't a secret. "And I hook up in the city, I don't pick people up on campus or bring them here because I don't want it associated with the soccer. You think I fuck like this because I kick a ball around?"

Wooyoung glances over his shoulder to see San's face, even more unsure what he thinks. "You mean you pick up subs in the city?"

With a little smirk that makes Wooyoung's heart skip a beat, San says, "It's more fun if they aren't, at first."

You're his type, Mingi had said. He breaks bitches like you like dry branches. He wants to ask if San's hooked up with Mingi, but if the answer is yes he's going to flip the fuck out so he doesn't.

"My first boyfriend read about this stuff and wanted to try it," San explains unasked. "I was totally against it, I had all sorts of prejudices, but he talked me into trying and… ironically he ended up not liking it, while I… Well, we broke up."

"So Miyoung…?"

"No," San says immediately. "Not like this."

It makes Wooyoung feel a bit better. San is playing perfect boyfriend with her, she doesn't get to see this real side of him. "She's using you! And likes making people think you're a fool for her," he mutters.

But like the happy idiot he apparently is, San just laughs. "She always plays to her advantage. She's sick at Call of Duty, but she also abandons you the second you slow her down, she'd shoot me herself if she gained anything from it." He grins, as if this is something to be proud of. "Remind you of anyone?" he asks, watching him with glittering eyes.

San looking at him like he was adorable when he was mean comes to mind. Wooyoung doesn't want to think about them being similar, because he feels like a fake, a substitute. San's type is people who mess with him? "Fuck you," he says, "because I tell it as I see it people think I'm some villain, but I'd never leave anyone behind."

"Um, you pushed me out of the way to get the only seat on the bus," San says.

"You were too slow."

"And you left me with the tab at how many cafes?"

"You just said you like buying me stuff."

Like before, San looks at him like he's adorable, and Wooyoung doesn't know what to do with that, he shrugs off people thinking he's an asshole but how is he supposed to react to his bullying being cute? "You let people take advantage of you," he scolds as if his and Miyoung's bullshit is somehow San's fault.

"So I've been told," San admits, but it doesn't seem to worry him.

Wooyoung has finally made his coffee and the first gulp takes the edge off his faint but persistent headache. Sighing, he sinks down on his chair and leans back looking at the ceiling, tired, sore, confused about the situation and his own feelings, but at the core of all of it, undeniably happy. The need San woke in him, that he can't do anything about on his own, is finally satisfied. At least until tomorrow.

He hears San come but still twitches in surprise when soft lips are pressed to his skin. San leans on his arms on the chair's armrests to resume his quest to kiss every bit of him, until he finds a tight nipple and gets caught there. With anyone else, Wooyoung would get impatient and start directing them, but he hands his body over to San and melts back in the chair. The kisses soothe his headache better than coffee.

"Can I blow you?"

"You don't have to ask," Wooyoung says, spreading his legs under San's hand on his thigh. "One look, right?" I'll fuck you until one look is enough to make you spread your legs for me. He should be cringing, but settles for blushing slightly.

There's a soft smile on San's lips. "You really remember all the shit I say?"

"It's not shit," Wooyoung thinks, "it's promises." Promises San always follows through on.

Giving head, San uses his hands as much as his mouth, and just like the rest of him, the cuteness of his hands hide power and skill. Wooyoung is starting to think he's going to start begging from a blowjob, when San stands up and commands, "Get on the bed," yanking him to his feet.

By the bed San picks him up and dumps him on it and it makes Wooyoung's chest flutter and the fear erupt in flames. If San fucks him again and leaves, if he abandons him and goes back to that pretentious bitch, he'll die.

"Fuck you!" he hears himself growl and sets both hands to San's chest to push him away. San isn't prepared for this, is on his way in, he almost tips over backwards and Wooyoung follows, trying to grab his arms while he's off-balance. For a moment there's only grunts and rustling of the sheets. He does better than he thought but is still losing, when San suddenly lets go of him, on his back under him, and stops fighting. It means he doesn't defend himself, and Wooyoung's palm smacks across his cheek. Wooyoung draws for air and freezes, because he hadn't meant to hit that hard, or hit at all.

"Wooyoung," San says.

"Fuck you," he says, where he should apologize. He grabs San's wrists and pins them to the bed, and San lets him. "You think you can just come here, after what you've done, and I'll just take that? All this bullshit, me and Mingi… but you, not one shit has happened to you, you've just sailed right through it, you think I'll let that happen?"

"Wooyoung," he says again.

"You think I'll let you fuck me and walk out again? You asshole! You don't even know… how I…" he draws air between his teeth in a hiss of frustration because telling San his crimes also exposes his own pain. "I can't do this again, I can't trust you, I can't forgive you, I can't just let you back in my life like nothing happened! I can't! Do you understand!"

"I do," San says. "But Wooyoung?"

"What?" Wooyoung roars.

"You have to watch out for the legs."

Wooyoung has no idea what San's legs are up to, he glances behind himself, which means his attention goes off San and his grip loosens. In an instant San is free and flipping him over to lie on his back on San's chest, there's an arm around his throat and a grip on his left arm he's never getting out of, and even if he claws at San with his right, he's not getting anywhere.

Frustration explodes through him. Somehow, San always ends up in control. He's making some stupid sound halfway between crying and screaming, and the arm around his throat tightens until he stops.

"Don't make your neighbors call the cops on me," San says.

"Fuck you!"

"Wooyoung," San says, for the fourth time. "It's me. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I know you shouldn't forgive me, but you want to. You will." San's will and San's voice taking him through the path he can't survive on his own, steady and firm.

He stops struggling, he's not getting anywhere and it doesn't matter. He's too soft, and his defenses never worked on San anyway. "Make me," he whispers, but he knows San already knows that's what he wants. "But if you're going to fuck me and leave then please just go."

San is quiet for a spell but his breaths are deep and fast under Wooyoung, even if the fighting has stopped. "I'm never leaving you again."

This is the fuckboy bullshit again, Wooyoung thinks. Instead of talking, resolving, looking at all the problems, San chooses these one-liners. It's so fucking annoying that it works, that Wooyoung's chest flutters, that his heart hopes.

"Fight all you want, baby, I won't let go of you," San promises. "Although maybe don't get the neighbors to call the cops on me."

He almost laughs. San rolls them over. Wooyoung's body is used up and tired, but he still fights more than he's ever done. San can't keep him down but has to drag him by the hair to the hallway to get a belt from a jacket that he can use to tie his arms. Since they're there already, San hangs the belt on a hook and gets him off with him stuck standing like that. Wooyoung's legs are shaking at this point, he's exhausted himself, there's no more fight in him, and it feels amazing. There's no pretense, no internal conflict, he's done everything he could; he can give up peacefully.

Meeting no more resistance, San slows down and his touch turns gentle. Wooyoung moans in fear when fingered, because he's too sore, and San chooses to fuck his thighs instead, giving praise and promises and petting his burning skin. It's almost romantic. While his cum is still running down Wooyoung's legs, he sets his lips to his ear to repeat, "It's me. I'm here. For as long as you need me." Wooyoung latches onto that, because what San says here, while fucking him, isn't lies or acting or just words to make him happy. It's promises that San always follows through on.

They return to bed. San wraps around him like a protective shell, and they fall back asleep.

~12~

The second time he wakes up, he lets San sleep or he'll be trapped in never-ending cuddles again, and goes to shower. They eat some cold pizza once San has gotten up.

"You want to go to the mall?" San asks, brushing crumbs off his hands. "I need to buy shorts."

"Sure. I should get more sheets." He bought one new set but he's realizing he'll need more.

Once they're in public and San's mind isn't mainly on sex, some of the cute mannerisms Wooyoung remembers return. San's outfit, white t-shirt tucked into his pants, radiates slutty frat boy like a neon sign. He wonders what is real. He also looks around at all the people and thinks they shouldn't be seen together, but San is clueless and carefree, so he doesn't say anything.

When San had said he would miss practice, Wooyoung had assumed it was bullshit, but San doesn't even check his phone when it rings. Instead he spends most of the time looking at Wooyoung, only briefly gracing the racks of shorts with his attention. Wooyoung gets impatient and sends him into a changing room, picking a few for him to try on. San buys the pair Wooyoung likes best, claiming it was his favorite too, but Wooyoung isn't sure that's true. He then pouts his way out of paying for a bag, which is a fascinating thing to behold.

Wooyoung wants to test a theory. When they go for food again, he says the takeout place has the best milkshakes and San agrees. When Wooyoung suddenly and without reason changes his mind and says actually the other place has better ones, San agrees with that too and goes to buy him one there instead, insisting it's no hassle. Wooyoung thinks San says he's very honest, but in reality he lies all the time to make people happy.

San said he likes to buy things for people. Now he's paying for takeout, and carrying the sheets Wooyoung bought, having taken them from him without giving him a choice. Perhaps it's not that Miyoung is exploiting him for gifts, perhaps it's that San has a thing for providing, taking care of people, making people happy. A thing strong enough to fuck a guy he had no interest in prior, to make Mingi happy. And here he is, trying to make Wooyoung happy, saying what Wooyoung wants to hear. Has anyone ever met the real San?

They bring the takeout to the park - because San is some type of supernatural creature that can't be away from a soccer field for too long, he needs to touch grass from time to time to not wilt - and San feeds him the best pieces like in a romance drama, looking disgustingly proud of himself doing it.

"Now what?" San asks when they're done.

Wooyoung gets up and brushes his pants off and says, with an impressive effort of will, "You should go home." He can't manage a smile, so he aims to keep a neutral expression. "The term's almost over, you must have stuff to do. I need to study." He can't look at San's face. 

"Mm," San says calmly, and takes his hand, dragging him along. "Let's pick up your stuff and mine and go to the library."

"Wait, what- wait! San! Stop!" Wooyoung wrestles his hand free. "There's people at the library!" A lower lip comes out in a very near pout. "Your girlfriend…" Wooyoung says, but doesn't know how to finish.

"It's an open relationship," San reminds him.

"Maybe I'm not open," Wooyoung states. He's not sharing with little Miss Perfect Bitch, he's not standing by the side watching her make a fool of San in front of other people. He knows he's a hypocrite, but he'll claw her eyes out. "Maybe I don't want to be your side piece!"

The pout has fully developed now. "Okay?" San says, like he's encountered an unexpected and intimidating obstacle.

"And you said she doesn't know you're into guys?"

San shrugs. "She'll be cool." But there's a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes.

Wooyoung shakes his head. "And Mingi?"

"Mingi," San says with a little flinch of guilt. He grimaces, like he doesn't know what to do with that.

They stand face to face in the sunlight, and Wooyoung wants to ask a lot of stupid things like, do you love her? Are you here because you're sorry and you need people to be happy? Can you forgive me for what I did to Mingi, or are you just ignoring it, like you're ignoring every other problem right now? San's eyes on him are guarded, like he's bracing for exactly these questions and the answers aren't simple.

Wooyoung can't rip open San's life, and he can't get invested and lose San a second time. "Let's not make a mess of everything. This isn't going to work, it's not what I want, I'm not a bottom, and I don't do relationships or frat boys, and after everything… It'll be hell, dealing with all of this. I have to focus on school."

Listening to that whole monologue San looks mildly puzzled, like he did when Wooyoung freaked out about him fucking him the first time. Wooyoung should leave, but his feet are rooted to the ground, he needs San to go. The seconds pass.

Wooyoung fidgets a little because he feels like the game was over before it started, he tried but it couldn't be more obvious how he feels if he spelled it out. "You can't just avoid talking about everything and pretending there's no problem!" he says, frustrated.

San waits for a while longer, before he asks, "Are you done?" Like Wooyoung is a child throwing a tantrum.

"You left!" He intended to say more but doesn't manage to.

San thinks for a moment. "I'm sorry. What I did to you…" The confusion has settled into certainty; he's figured it out, seen through Wooyoung like he does every time. "I'll take responsibility, I'll figure it out. Somehow. I'm not great at uh, emotion stuff but… I'm here, I'm not leaving. Here." He takes Wooyoung's hand and ties something from his pocket around his wrist.

It's a bracelet; beads tied on a fake leather string. There's a few flat beads, and Wooyoung flips them over because there's something written on one side of them, and finds the number 17 surrounded by flowers on both sides. 17, like on San's jersey. He's not excellent at this emotion stuff either, he thinks, staring at it.

"I know it's like, for kids, but we passed it and it's just… cute." San's smile, a little embarrassed but very happy, is also painfully cute.

It would help if San's stupid diversions weren't so incredibly effective at making him swoon. "I don't even know who you are," he says, trying to muster anger. "You don't know me. You're not going to dump your girlfriend and fight your best friends and fuck up the soccer team for a guy you knew - you lied to - for three weeks! This has been so fucking easy for you, but you just lead me on."

San's eyes go wary again, maybe even a little red. "I didn't mean to lead you on but I… the whole time…" and abandons it again, like he's done every time he's tried to talk about what he's done. "You think this has been easy? These two months, I… couldn't talk to anyone, but every time-" San's breath hitches, his eyes have gotten shiny wet, and with an angry snarl he clears his face and wipes his nose. "Let's just go to the library!" He takes Wooyoung's hand and tries to march off.

Wooyoung wants to scream at him, is he stupid, is the library going to solve all their problems? "We're not going to the fucking library!" He tears his hand free.

"Okay," San says, expression guarded but stubborn. "So we can go to your friend's place and play FIFA. Or I can show you my room, and introduce you to my roommates."

And Wooyoung finally understands. All those places have people who know them, that's the point. Like making a statement, like changing your SNS relationship status. To the library, where people will see them, and everyone, including Miyoung and Mingi, will find out, and neither of them can back out of this. Did San actually need shorts, or did he want them to go to the mall so they'd be seen?

It will be them against the whole world. San isn't actually out, Wooyoung is infamous, Miyoung and Mingi will be a nightmare, Hongjoong won't be easy either. It will be one painful fight after another, and in the middle of that they'll need to figure out how to be together. San has a lot more to lose than Wooyoung; his girlfriend, the team, his reputation, even his family. He's putting it all on the line. He's not avoiding the issue, he's already mid-charge right towards it; he's all in.

He's a stubborn, romantic idiot. Wooyoung never stood a chance. Admitting defeat to the force of nature that is Choi San, he lets him take his hand this time.

"You'll get to know me," San promises, leading him away. "We have the rest of our lives. Or, you know, summer break, to start with."

So they go to the library.

~13~

"What did you think would happen?!" Wooyoung throws his bag aside, storming into the apartment. San stands in the middle of the room watching him fume around.

"Babe-"

"And why the fuck did you call me babe!"

San looks at the accusatory finger he's gotten in his face. "Because… that's… you?"

Wooyoung roars with frustration.

"Babe," San tries again. "Why do you care?"

"Because I'm not a bottom!"

Going to the library was fine, and Wooyoung actually got some studying done, and when some soccer guys showed up San was very normal with them and they left peacefully. The problem turned out to be Wooyoung's friends, who found him with a soccer jock and immediately assumed it was the guy that fucked him into submission and turned the tiger into a doormat. It's all the more infuriating because it's correct.

Wooyoung had turned himself inside out trying to at least introduce a drop of doubt into the concept that San is the obvious top between them, and then San had said, "Let's go grab something to eat, babe," and all his work was undone.

"Wooyoung, I don't know what's going on here, exactly," San says, holding out both hands at him like he's some type of UFO event. "But you can be both."

"Of course you'd say that, who can't make up your mind about anything!"

San's eyes harden. "What's that supposed to mean? Because I'm bi?"

Regret manages to choke down Wooyoung's exploding insecurities an inch. "Sorry." Some people talk about bi guys like sexuality is somehow a choice for them when it's not for anyone else, like they're cowards who want to have the cake and eat it too. "But wouldn't it piss you off if someone decided you're gay, not bi, because you date a guy? I'm not a bottom, I just, you're an exception!"

"Is this really that big of a deal?"

"Then you bottom!"

"No," San says. "What other people think doesn't decide how I want to be with you. We're good together, like this, I know you think so too. Isn't that more important than… I don't actually understand the problem." He's trying to, but can't, and it kicks Wooyoung back up to anger.

"I'm not like that!" Wooyoung gestures. Maybe it's unfair to be pissed off at San for not understanding when he can't explain, he just knows that it's not what he is. "Even when I tell them I'm just there for a fuck, they just, they get clingy, the fucking crying and whining, and I have to be the asshole that tells them to get a grip and fuck off! I'm not like that, if I'm not wanted I just walk, no big deal! I can take care of myself!"

San is trying so hard that it feels belittling somehow. "The guys I've hooked up with haven't been like that at all, kind of the opposite, sometimes I've felt like they don't give a shit about me, just my dick. Baby, I don't think anyone thinks you can't take care of yourself because you're with me?"

"You saw those guys! The second they decided you're fucking me, I stopped being a person and started being your accessory!"

"That's not what-" San sees his face and chooses a different approach. "So those guys are assholes."

"No, they're not, they're normal people! That rumor that Mingi started about me, it's turned into this whole thing were I'm some poor broken bad boy that just needed to get fucked properly to fall in line!" He snatches up the bag again. "And you don't fucking mind, because for you it's all cred, wow Choi San fucks so well he got even that whore under control! Just wait until they realize you're still with Miyoung, and I'm so fucking desperate that I take the crumbs that she leaves! I don't want to be your fucking side piece!"

"Whoa, whoa, wait, slow down." San's brain is working overtime. "You're not a side piece! Wooyoung, I like you, I mean it. I want to help but I don't know how." He tries to take Wooyoung's hand, always trying to physically connect them when he doesn't know what to say.

"How about you let me fuck you! What, it doesn't matter but you only top?" He dodges, refusing to let San pull him in and take control again.

San sighs, a wariness comes into his eyes. "I do bottom," he says, "but every time you say that, you look at me like my dad does. Like if I show a moment of weakness you'll write me off and kick me out."

Wooyoung's heart nearly stops, Seonghwa's line echoes in his ears, before you fuck them and lose all respect, and he lashes out. "What the fuck! You're such a brainless frat boy it's insane, how can you not understand anything!" He storms outside, because the apartment is too small and he needs space.

He walks down the street aimlessly, wants to go to Hongjoong but that's a whole other beehive, and it feels like everyone's looking at him even if he knows it's not true. Finally he stops at a corner store to buy ice cream and when he picks one out of the freezer San pops out of nowhere and says, "Grab me one too, babe?"

Is there a medical diagnosis for wanting to kiss and murder someone at once? He picks up another ice cream, and San of course pays for them both. Wooyoung heads back towards the apartment.

"Miyoung is out of town," San says, patiently following along like he used to the first three weeks. "She'll be back on Monday, I promise I'll talk to her then."

"You'll break up with her."

"I will- we will talk to her," San insists. He grabs Wooyoung to stop him. "Look, so I don't have everything planned out, sue me. We'll figure it out as we go."

"Yeah," Wooyoung says, "can we skip to the part where you figure out you don't have time for all this bullshit." He tears his arm free and walks.

San catches up and stubbornly stops him again. "I said I'm not leaving," he says. "I don't know how we'll solve everything but I'm not." His phone has been buzzing for a while now, and he takes it out just to turn off the notifications. "It's just the guys, they told Mingi about us. I'll talk to him in person. Some of the team are meeting tomorrow night to hang out, so I'll talk to them then." He visibly has an idea. "Do you want to come? I can say I want to introduce my boyfriend, and we'll take it from there."

Boyfriend? San keeps talking but Wooyoung's brain can't process any more words.

"Baby?" San asks, noticing he's not following.

"Okay," Wooyoung says. "Fine."

"Yeah?"

"You'll back me up, right?"

"Of course, babe," San swears and smiles proudly.

"It might get nasty, San."

San laughs. "They're good guys. Well, Number 25 is always after my position, but the rest of them." He says it like it's a name, or a nickname probably, and it's such a frat boy thing that Wooyoung feels himself smile faintly.

"Eat your ice cream, it's going to melt," he tells San.

San looks at the package in his hand like he's forgotten it, but opens it and eats. They return to the apartment, San pulls him to sit in his lap on the chair and finish off the ice cream. In private again, his hands roam.

"How the fuck are you so horny," Wooyoung comments.

"I have a few months of fantasies to catch up on," San says, and the mischievous smile is so cute it's giving Wooyoung flutters in several ways. "Actually, totally unrelated but it's really warm, do you want to take a shower together?"

~14~

All conversation stops when Wooyoung enters. He attempts a smile and at least Yunho smiles back. San has told him that Yunho has agreed to help.

"The pizza has arrived," San declares from behind him, carrying the stack.

This is the common room connected to San's room, and also where the video was taken of San playing with his arms around Miyoung. All of it feels surreal, from feeling the rough fabric of the couch to Yunho handing him a game controller with the same fighting game running on the TV.

Wooyoung has never played this kind of game before. Yunho tries to explain but he's mostly randomly mashing buttons. He breaks into laughter at the silliness of it and starts thinking maybe it'll be okay. There is an unmistakable tension, though. San has talked to Mingi separately and then the guys, and they decided to let Wooyoung come, but the ball is still in the air. The others are clearly watching Mingi for cues.

Wooyoung manages to strike up conversation with the team without it seeming forced, letting them know he's seen all the games and knows the score of every match of the season, and they're warming up. Then one of San's unrelated roommates comes home, and while weaving between soccer guys to get to his room he notices Wooyoung.

"Oh, you're the guy San is fucking?"

Both Wooyoung and San freeze up.

"He is," Mingi says, stone cold.

The room falls silent, and Wooyoung's pulse has shot up to the fucking moon.

"Don't be rude," San scolds.

"Maybe I'm fucking him," Wooyoung has said before he can stop himself, and scowls when San shoots him a look. If San thinks this is so easy, let him take the blow then.

"You said you only top?" one of the soccer guys says. 

San's jaw clenches. He's caught between a rock and a hard place, the soccer guys demanding one truth, Wooyoung demanding another. "I prefer it," he clarifies, trying to walk a middle road, and Wooyoung suddenly isn't sure what the truth actually is. The soccer guys also seem to be losing trust, looking to Mingi again. "Look, what the fuck," San attempts, "you want to try asking Miyoung what she likes? She'll kick-"

"What, pegging you?" There's a couple of muted chuckles.

"Very fucking funny, 25," San says.

"I'm sure she fucks better than you do," Mingi states.

"Mingi, come on," Yunho tries, swinging over the back of the couch to walk up to him, but it's too late. The verdict has come down and the whole room turns hostile.

"You just had to think with your dick, didn't you, instead of looking out for the team?" Number 25 says, coming closer. "If you had to stick it in the bitch that fucked him up, you could at least have done it quietly, instead of parading it around!"

"It never works out to keep secrets in the team," San says.

"You want to lecture about keeping secrets?" Mingi taunts. "When you let me fuck you after the birthday party during spring break, as long as I didn't tell anyone and out you?" Wooyoung feels like the bottom has fallen out of his stomach, he has to focus to not stagger, and the little grin Mingi sends him sinks claws into his chest. "Didn't tell you, did he? It's not the only time we went for a drunk drive, just the only time he rode."

"Fuck, Mingi," San says. "It's not true!" to the room, and then again to Wooyoung. "Baby, it's not true. Mingi, what the fuck-"

"So good with the talk, remember?" Mingi says to Wooyoung, while pushing Yunho away and raising his voice over San's attempts at silencing him. "And the cute sounds when you fuck him deep… what, you don't know? You really only take it?"

"Enough!" Yunho growls, grabs Mingi's shirt and drags him towards the door. "Everyone out! This party is over! Guys, I am not in the mood, do not test me." The guys sourly file out under Yunho's stern eye, until only he is left. "Sorry, guys. We can try again when everyone's cooled down." The door shuts and leaves them in silence.

San comes in close against him. "Baby, it's-"

"Don't call me that!" He shoves him away.

Injured, San says, "It's not true. It's a shit lie, I'd never hook up inside the team and I barely drink."

They stand in silence because Wooyoung is doing his absolute best to not cry. It was all a disaster, and his fault for freaking out about the stupid position thing, but Mingi looking right into his eyes saying all that was like molten iron going in his lungs. Looking into San's eyes he thinks he must be insane to do this, to try to trust this person, but the tears don't break through until San turns his back and goes into his room. The door swinging shut between them is the iron hardening and suffocating him. He can't stand here crying, but before he can decide where to go San comes back and holds out a tissue box.

Wooyoung stares at the box and he hates it. Hates that he's so fucking weak and cries for everything, hates Mingi for making such a fucking fuss about being dumped, hates San for making him feel this way. But he still takes the box.

"This was perhaps the worst idea I've ever had," San states. "Which is saying a lot, I had orange hair for a while. Baby, it's not true. I mean, agh, sorry." He takes a deep breath. "It's not true."

He wants to believe it, maybe that's the most pathetic thing of all. When San reaches for him, he backs up. Why is San so damned calm?

"Please come inside," San asks, gesturing to his room, and Wooyoung doesn't want to stand here anyway so he goes.

It's the first time he's here. There's a bed, a window, and a desk mostly occupied by a computer, surrounded by game paraphernalia that's covered in cute cartoon characters, mainly cats. He's stopped crying so he puts the box down.

"He said it to hurt us," San tries. "You know that. Mingi and I have never done anything, not a kiss, nothing. And I certainly don't make any cute sounds." He's trying to joke, and dares a small smile, looking like Wooyoung will punch him for it. He does want to.

"He said those things," Wooyoung sniffs. He feels like a child, so emotional while San is barely ruffled. "Good with his hands and good with the talk…"

"Oh, that. I told him what to say," San states, closes his eyes for a second to sigh, and confesses, "actually I wrote it. Whiny insecure sub, steps on others because you can't admit that you want to be stepped on… I don't remember. But he handed me the phone and I wrote it, except for the force of nature thing, he added that himself."

Wooyoung's mind is melting, he's not sure what to believe, or how to feel, or what any of it means. "You called me a pretend bad bitch?"

San laughs, and quickly bites his lip to stop. "Yeah. I mean, he wanted to rile you up, so I… wrote what I knew would rile you up."

Absurdly, it makes him happy. Thinking Mingi had written it, he'd wondered if other people saw him as fake and laughed behind his back. But San had seen it because he'd dug it up, and no one else had ever known. He smiles and boxes his boyfriend in the chest, and San pretends it hurts terribly before smiling back.

San takes something from his desk drawer. "Turn around," he requests, and as soon as Wooyoung does, a silver chain flashes by his vision. "The plan was just for me to fuck you. But the days kept passing, and the nights, and I wanted you more and more but couldn't make myself move forward, because the moment I did it would be over. And if I came clean, I'd never see you again."

This is all he ever wanted to hear. He looks down at the thin, loose chain, and there's a wide silver ring hanging off it. San's fingers fumble trying to close it at his nape. It was true when San said he liked him, the whole time, this is the hard evidence. I did buy you jewelry, it's in my desk drawer.

"After the first time I kept using Mingi as an excuse, saying I wasn't done, but really I didn't know what to do. I bought this then," San says, and pats the chain on his neck and steps back. "It was a stupid dream, but I wanted to give it to you, and ask you to be my boyfriend. I'd stand here, at night, with it in my hand…"

Wooyoung turns towards him, but San takes his shoulders and leads him to the window. The blinds are pulled down, so he can see himself in the reflection. And San, holding his shoulders very gently, looking at the necklace.

"The second time, you cried and I knew it had to stop. The only thing I could do for you was leave. Every day," San murmurs into his hair, "every hour, every minute since then I haven't stopped thinking about you. I've never felt like this before." Wooyoung turns around, and San immediately twitches away and can't meet his eyes. He heads to the door, "Let's go home."

"Aren't we home?" Wooyoung wonders, gesturing at San's black sheets.

San shakes his head. It seems he also thinks Wooyoung's place is his, now. Clearly, because he's slept there every night since, and scattered his clothes about like a twelve-year-old, it's infuriating.

He grabs some things from his room and they go home.

~15~

On Monday morning Hongjoong shows up and walks in as he always does, handing Wooyoung a cup of coffee and talking about a work thing, and finds San sitting in bed, rubbing his eyes.

"What the fuck," Hongjoong says, so shocked he doesn't even yell. "No. No, no, no. Nope. Under absolutely no circumstances, Wooyoung, this guy, no." He scans the floor and peeks into the trash, and raises a judgmental eyebrow. "Still no protection?"

Wooyoung glares at the total disregard of his privacy, but doesn't dare to answer because he'll start a fight. The truth is that Hongjoong is his only real friend and their constant bitching is one thing but this won't be like that.

So instead San assures him he has to stay in peak physical form for soccer and uses it with everyone else. Wooyoung gets stuck wondering if that includes Miyoung too, while San tries to act the perfect son-in-law, which makes Hongjoong impossibly more certain that he's a manipulative asshole. In the end Wooyoung manages to chase Hongjoong out saying he'll be late to class, because his education comes first.

"Sorry," Wooyoung says.

"It's not the first in-laws I have to deal with."

"How many people have you dated?"

"A lot," San says.

Wooyoung gets a sneaking suspicion. "What's the longest time you've been single, since you started dating?"

"Uh… a month or something?"

"Fuck me," Wooyoung says. San is one of those people. "Have you ever cheated?"

"Nope," San says. "It's not been serious relationships, Wooyoung. Just the type where I have to look decent to the in-laws for five minutes so nobody feels like a whore and we can have a good time."

Wooyoung doesn't know what to say. Is this that? How would he tell? "Did they know it wasn't serious dating?"

"Of course." San comes to bump their noses together like a cat. "What do you think about me moving in, officially? I can pay the rent, I have a big scholarship."

"Where would you even put your stuff?" Wooyoung asks, because he has no idea what he wants but Hongjoong would definitely say it's way too soon, and that felt reassuring but also suspiciously like one of San's one-liners that always manage to hit him right in the heart.

"We can get our own place," San suggests. "Aren't you showering? You'll be late."

"Shit!"

That afternoon San returns saying Miyoung refused to break up. Wooyoung tries to claim that you don't need the other person's approval to break up, but San distracts him. Tuesday morning San tries to convince Wooyoung that open relationships are good, and by Tuesday night Wooyoung has understood that San didn't try very hard at convincing Miyoung. He stubbornly calls Wooyoung boyfriend and her girlfriend and won't listen to complaints from either side. Wednesday morning they fight about it, but San distracts him again, this time with sex.

Wednesday afternoon Wooyoung comes back to his place and he's given San his extra key, after stealing it back from Hongjoong, but finding Miyoung sitting on his table he thinks he maybe shouldn't have. Their eyes meet and they both give each other the once-over, sizing up the competition, and Miyoung turns to San, who is sitting on the chair, saying, "Really babe?"

He slaps her knee. "You promised to be nice."

"Are you sure you want to do this. Babe." Wooyoung says dryly, coming inside. The place where he usually puts his bag is occupied by a small leather backpack, and he stalls for a second before he pushes it aside and reclaims the spot.

"I know this is like putting two wildcats together," San says, "but I really think you're both wasting your time. You'd get along really well."

"We'll get along perfectly," Wooyoung claims, "once you break up with her."

"You're cute, but you can't play both sides forever," Miyoung tells San, crossing her arms.

"Exactly."

"Don't smile," she tells San, "we're agreeing that you're a people-pleasing coward who's used to getting what you want if you just smile prettily."

"Mm, and you'd agree on a lot more, if you gave it a chance," San says.

"It just means we overlap," Miyoung tries. "You don't have two goalkeepers at the same time."

San grimaces, as if he accepts there is an issue with that at least, but taps a few takeout bags behind Miyoung. "Let's eat, and then talk."

It would be so much easier if Wooyoung could hate her. But she spends this time making fun of San for hiding his sexuality from her, saying he's been so afraid she'd disapprove that he's foregone a great opportunity. "You're telling me I could have brought a guy, this whole time, instead of threesomes with girls that I don't really like?" She's apparently as aggressively straight as Wooyoung is gay. San's eyes flicker between them and she kicks his shin. "Don't even think about it."

"Unless you want to give us a chance to strangle you," Wooyoung says.

"You take the throat, I take the balls?"

It would really help if he didn't like her.

They don't reach a decision today either. Miyoung is not willing to give up her perfect arrangement, Wooyoung will under no circumstances be anything that could even be vaguely misinterpreted as "the other woman", and San… is a people-pleasing coward. This is all bullshit, absolute bullshit, but Wooyoung doesn't know what to do about it. He can't literally force San to break up, his option is to walk but he can't do that either. And most annoying of all is that San is right, they do get along well, he hates it.

"Do you love her?" Wooyoung dares to ask, because San stays with him and drags him into bed to cuddle, while Miyoung returns to the dorms.

San thinks for a while, before his eyes find the bracelet around Wooyoung's wrist. He spins a few beads to get the 17 to show. "I've never given her something like this, and I wouldn't," he says. "We're friends. The boyfriend-girlfriend thing is more like a business arrangement."

"She's pretty different from her first impression," Wooyoung thinks. Far from the well-behaved, sentimental princess he thought she was, when looking at her SNS profile the first time. "Would she let you fuck her, if you went to her now?"

"Yeah," San says. "We've had disagreements over what open means before. I'm a pretty possessive person, really, it's taken a lot of communication to get here."

Wooyoung thinks about that for a second. "Being open was her idea," he understands. "So… you'd be okay with…" He remembers Mingi, shy and blushing, asking if they could be real boyfriends, fingers grazing his, not daring to take his hand. Wooyoung had wondered why he had to make such a big deal of it, but right now his heart is hammering and San can probably feel it. He was such a fucking asshole to Mingi. And he's such a fucking loser now. "I don't want you to see other people."

It's a little jarring that San seems to think about this for the first time, but Wooyoung understands why when he says, "Are you sure that's what you want?" He's assumed Wooyoung wants to continue with his hookups.

Now wondering if San thought he was trying to get rid of Miyoung while still open for others, he jokes, "You, I said. I can keep fucking other people."

A slow-burning fire lights up in San's eyes, he pulls Wooyoung closer, wrapping arms around his waist to keep him there. The hum is like the purr of a panther, and the way he meets the challenge in Wooyoung's eyes reminds of his body language on the field, when they're one down and he's sick of the dirty tricks of the defender. "I can do open, kitten," he murmurs, "but if we close, then we're closed. And your friend is right. I don't handle getting cheated on very well."

"If we close, that includes her," Wooyoung says. He can feel the panther weighing its options, San's intense eyes on him, breaths slow and controlled. He hates how long it takes. "Okay. Then, if we're open, I'm going out. Don't wait up." He manages to slip out of San's arms to sit up, but the collar of the t-shirt he's wearing is instantly yanked back, so hard he chokes.

He's pinned down and San runs a hand up his torso to push the t-shirt up, his eyes following the contours of love bites and bruises up his chest. San likes leaving them, but he likes even better to admire his work once they've started to shift color. Now he finds the darkest one and presses his thumb against it hard, pushing a groan out of Wooyoung.

"It's no more than fair!" Wooyoung claims, desperately trying to defend himself because San is different than usual. His force is usually under perfect control, but now there's a glint of wild animal.

"I said I'm a pretty possessive person, Wooyoung. I can talk about things, but don't push buttons you'll regret."

"Or what, you're going to beat me into accepting being second?" he asks, and fear grabs hold of his stomach and squeezes, because in an instant he knows what will happen. He can't walk away from San, so eventually he'll be forced to accept Miyoung, and what's left of his self-respect will be buried six feet in the ground. He'd worried that the real San would be too soft, but he should have worried that San was exactly the same as the creature that ground him to dust.

"I'm here," San states. "You're not second."

The only way Wooyoung can figure out to pressure San is kind of pathetic too, but he'll take it over the humiliation of people thinking he's some kept pet. He forces himself to meet San's scary eyes and snarls, "I will fuck every motherfucker from this end of the city to the other, one by one, until you keep your hands off her!"

The panther bites. San literally wrestles him down and bites the insides of his thighs until he thinks he'll bleed. No amount of begging will do, San is only interested in one thing. Wooyoung tearfully takes it back, and swears he won't, and just like that San is back in control, and safe and stable again.

Wooyoung accuses him of being a stupid jock brute that can only use strength and violence. The touch turns light and San fucks him with sensual rolls of his hips. He gently and painfully slowly leads Wooyoung right to the edge only to reel him back, over and over, while licking sweat and tears off his cheeks like they're a reward for a job well done. Without the slightest hint of pain, San makes him take that back too.

~16~

Despite the constant conflicts, it feels like they're inching forward, but on Thursday morning there's a knock on their door. When Wooyoung opens a very proper middle-aged couple stands outside.

"You must be Wooyoung," the woman says, instantly judging his naked chest, but it's warm.

Sleepy, Wooyoung thinks the man looks a bit familiar, and oh fuck. Meanwhile, they let themselves in. San is only halfway out of bed and still pulling on pants. His face shifts instantly into a cold, stiff mask. "Mom? Dad?"

"Asleep at this hour."

"I have the morning off, practice was canceled."

"So you should practice on your own," his father scolds. They look around at San's things everywhere, and the pile of empty takeout boxes that Wooyoung was going to bring when he left.

"Um, Woo." San discreetly gestures to his chest, and Wooyoung looks down to find the numerous marks and love bites, layered over the past few days. Shit. He finds a shirt, even if it's far too late.

One of San's friends - obviously Mingi - has called his parents, worried about San's life choices. San answers questions about soccer and his coursework like he's being interrogated. Without a flicker in his eyes he lies that Miyoung has broken up, and that he's canceled his dorm room and will be moving in with Wooyoung, and this place is messy because they're looking at apartments. When the interrogation turns to Wooyoung, San tries to assure them that he's respectable but that succeeds less well. Mingi has told them a lot, nothing untrue but the truth is bad enough.

At least Wooyoung learns something, watching San interact with his parents. The slightest emotion in San's voice or face is instantly punished. If he raises his voice he's hysterical, if he looks sad he's manipulative, if he's hurt he should pull himself together and be a man. Wooyoung hates them. Unfortunately they hate him too, and insist San leaves with them right now. So Wooyoung takes desperate measures. He video calls his own parents on the laptop.

The plan, as much as there is a plan, is to prove he's from a stable middle-class background and not raised in a drug den, and their parents bond over Wooyoung's despicable lifestyle and how he's misleading naive and well-behaved San. Clearly they don't know their son at all, and in this case it's not San's fault. Wooyoung suggests that conversely, San is making him straighten up, which somewhat unexpectedly leads to the four parents planning out their whole lives, complete with picket fence.

"You want children, don't you?" San's mother asks Wooyoung.

"Uhhh yeah, of course, children," Wooyoung says. He kind of does, actually, but it's more of a one day in the far future when his life is in order and pigs fly kind of thing.

"Supporting a family is a serious responsibility," San's parents tell San. "Soccer is a healthy hobby, but you know only a small percentage makes it. You need a safe, stable income."

San looks a bit betrayed, like Wooyoung has thrown him to the wolves. This is too early in the morning for him, and talking over his head calling his boyfriend a flake and a whore - in only slightly less obscene words - has not improved his mood.

"Once you finish college, you need to put the soccer to the side and focus on a real career." They want guarantees. Wooyoung's parents want guarantees too, jumping at the chance to pretend their son isn't the only one with problems, as if being a college soccer star is to compare with being the city's public joy ride.

"Just tell them yes," Wooyoung says. Whatever, they just want the parents off their backs for now.

Even more betrayed, not only thrown to the wolves but abandoned, San looks between the five enemies in front of him. His father tells him to not be dramatic, so he cleans his face of emotion and says, "Fine, I promise."

That's apparently that, they finish the call. Wooyoung gets a scolding over the state of the apartment which is incredibly unfair, it's San's stuff. He eventually realizes they've been assigned traditional gender roles and barely manages to get the parents out the door before he loses his temper.

"Don't worry about it," he tells San, who starts aggressively sulking the second the door closes. "Nobody's providing for anybody, do what you want with the soccer."

San shakes his head. "I promised," he says.

"Give it a year and they've forgotten about it."

"My parents don't forget anything. I figured I'd join an amateur team next to a job, but… I guess I could dream." He takes a deep breath and wipes his hands on his pants. "And I guess I'm done dreaming now. I need to go, I have to talk to my professor before my afternoon class starts. See you later." He kisses Wooyoung's forehead instead of his lips.

Watching the door close, Wooyoung realizes this is the first time since San started staying with him that he's left the apartment first. Wooyoung has probably developed some kind of trauma around being left, because he knows San is just going to class but anxiety leaps through his chest like a beast let out of a cage. Before he knows it he's tearing up. How much trouble can he be, before San gives up? Is he holding on to Miyoung as an exit plan? It takes a while for Wooyoung to gather himself, so he's late. San picks him up after class, and that feels better, until they run into Mingi in the corridor.

"You called my fucking parents?" San demands. "You got your revenge! You promised me, Mingi, you said if I did what you wanted you'd let it go! Wooyoung is nothing to you anymore, but he's my boyfriend! You're starting rumors and talking shit, and you know how I feel about my parents!" He's so angry, Wooyoung doesn't know where it's coming from, maybe he's taking out his frustrations with his parents on Mingi. Or his frustrations with Wooyoung?

"I didn't start any rumors about him!" Mingi protests. "I called your parents, and I sent the stuff to Miyoung and Hongjoong, but that's it!"

There's a second of deafening silence before Wooyoung says, "What?"

"Fucking hell, Mingi, what did you do?" San asks, looking like the sky will fall down.

"I just showed them what you do to him," he says and taps his own chest. "I sent them photos."

The marks. Wooyoung doesn't know how Mingi's gotten hold of photos of it, but he means the bruises and scratches and love bites. The sky has now fallen on San, his lower lip is trembling. "Fuck you," he says. "We're done. You stay away from me."

"San-"

"It's not like I'm fucking Wooyoung to mess with you! I told you I like him but you-" San wants to take Wooyoung's hand, but Wooyoung tears free and walks away, because there are so many people watching.

San catches up with him two corridors down. "Don't touch me!" Wooyoung barks when he tries to take his hand again and storms off, leaving San where he stands.

While he's walking home, Hongjoong calls to ramble about how worried he is about him, and he doesn't get the chance to speak for something like ten minutes. When Hongjoong threatens to call the cops, Wooyoung finally yells over him. "It's just a couple of bruises, I'm not a god damned mosaic!"

"You could barely stand up when I came to pick you up!"

"Can you fucking listen to me for one fucking second!" Wooyoung is already running high on anxiety, he didn't eat lunch, San didn't come after him - what if he's had enough - he just loses it. "It's just rough sex! Stop treating me like I'm going to blow my brains out as soon as someone breathes on me! You're so fucking overprotective and I'm sick of it, just stay the fuck out of my life!"

He's in the street, people are staring at him and crossing the road to avoid him. Freaking out, he hangs up and runs the rest of the way home. At home, he finds Hongjoong's sent him three photos with the text, "So you gave consent for these to be taken and spread around then?" It's him, asleep on his bed stretched out on his back, naked. All the marks and bruises are clearly visible despite the dusk. There's only one person who can have taken these; the one in bed with him. Is this still a play, did San give these to Mingi, what is even going on?

When San finally comes, over an hour later, he's bringing takeout but is tired and grumpy. Looking over Wooyoung's balled up shape in bed, reading and trying to write on his final hand-in in a course, his body language softens. "Am I not allowed to hold your hand?" he wonders, sitting on the side of the bed, hands in his lap.

"Not after you declare to the whole fucking school that you're fucking me," Wooyoung answers.

"I didn't-!"

"You yelled it at Mingi right in front of everyone!"

San takes a long, tired breath. "I'm sorry," he says, rubbing his lower face.

"I know you think I'm ridiculous for caring about it, but I-"

"No," San says. "I'm sorry, I know it's important to you, I shouldn't have said that. Today… My parents-"

"Yeah, well," Wooyoung breaks in, wanting to ask about the photos but the doorbell rings. San goes to open, and then backs into the room as Miyoung comes, furious.

"What the fuck is this?!" she demands, shoving her phone in his face.

San's eyes widen. "What the fuck-"

"You told me you stopped!"

"B-baby," he tries, backing up.

Wooyoung gets up out of bed. "What is that?"

"Nothing," San says and swipes the phone from Miyoung's hand. "Can we talk about this outside?"

But Miyoung is going nowhere. "You told me that you hated this and you stopped and you weren't doing it to anyone else! Is it just him, or have you been doing this to people the whole time? Lying to me this whole time?"

"How did, I didn't, th-this," San stutters, tired and struggling to keep up.

"You're talking about this, right?" Wooyoung says and holds out his own phone with the photos, and San's eyes widen a second time.

"I-I don't understand, how did-"

"We're lucky Mingi didn't spread them to the whole fucking school! When did you even take these?"

"But I…" San rubs his face again. "You know I stay up sometimes, you were so beautiful-"

"Oh spare me," Miyoung says, rolling her eyes. "You mean you get off on seeing the damage you've done." She turns to Wooyoung. "Is he like that with you too? Swearing it's an accident and it's awful and he'll never do it again?"

Wooyoung's head is spinning. Who is Choi San? His parents, his girlfriend, his friends, none of them know him. Has anyone seen the real person under all the bullshit? Does San fuck him like this because he wants him to? "You hate it?"

San looks between them, trapped, starting sentences he doesn't know how to finish.

"Did you send these to Mingi?"

"No!" San abandons Miyoung to come to Wooyoung. "No, please, I would never! He must have gotten into my phone at practice, I'm sorry!"

"I don't know who you are," Wooyoung states. "You like it or you hate it? And this, you taking photos of me when I'm sleeping, and, and what else are you… I can't do this." He moves towards the door because he needs air.

San flies into his path, blocking the way. "Wait," San says. "I'm sorry. I didn't think of… Of course it's your body, I shouldn't have taken those, I didn't want to wake you up, I won't do it again."

With a stab of guilt, Wooyoung remembers the video Miyoung sent him, San's naked back in the dusk, and how many times he's gotten off to it. His hypocrisy is reaching new heights. But Miyoung gives absolutely no shits about her own hypocrisy and says, "Yeah, like you told me you'd never do it again and it took two months before you stopped. Except you never actually stopped."

"Please," San says, and when Wooyoung tries to move again he comes in to put their foreheads together, a firm grip on Wooyoung's shoulders. His voice is heartbreaking but Wooyoung doesn't know what to trust. "Don't go. I'm sorry. Don't go, I can't… I can't let you go. Say you forgive me, I won't do it again."

"You won't do it again?"

"I promise. You know I keep my promises."

"What," Miyoung breaks in. "Like you promised you stopped?"

"I did stop," San shouts, losing patience with her tone. "I haven't put a mark on you since!"

"You lied."

"Yes! Fine! Yes, I lied!" He looks over his shoulder at the woman standing in the hallway, a hand on her hip. She looks fed up with this, but nowhere near as much as San does. "You hated it so I told you what you wanted to hear! What I do with other people is none of your business; do I tell you what to do with your hookups?"

"I don't abuse them."

San turns his back on Miyoung, which means Wooyoung sees his face twitching through emotions that he crushes down like holding a person underwater until they stop kicking, so that he can meet Wooyoung's eyes calmly. "Please don't go," he whispers, so quietly that Wooyoung barely hears it, she certainly doesn't. He holds his hands up to show he's not physically stopping him. "I'm sorry, for the photos, and saying that stuff to Mingi, and taking your hand, and calling you baby, and whatever else, for everything I did before. I'm trying to make it up to you; I'll make it up to you. Don't go."

Wooyoung looks into his eyes and hears himself say, "If you want to make it up to me, promise me you'll never speak to her again."

There's stars of pain in San's eyes again, he fights with himself, not finding a middle road out of this decision.

"Oh, I see. I figured you were in charge, but I see you're also a manipulative little shit," Miyoung says. "Well, if you're waiting for a decision, you'll be waiting forever, so let me help you. I'm done, you can have him. Good luck." Miyoung marches up to them and holds out her hand. "My phone."

San doesn't move. She nabs the phone from his grip and leaves.

Miyoung thinks he's in charge? She knows San, as well as anyone knows San. Their parents are traditionalist assholes and Wooyoung's role was assigned based on shoulder width alone, so fuck them, but Miyoung's even seen the marks and she still thinks Wooyoung's in charge? She'd said it like it was so obvious.

"San," he says.

"I promise," San says, and comes to hug him. He buries his face in the crook of Wooyoung's neck and stays there. "If you don't want me to do it, I won't. It's not a big deal. We'll do whatever you like."

Getting convinced that his San is actually the real one, Wooyoung pushes his own shirt up to find the bruise on his hip. He got that one by banging his hip bone against the bed frame and it's no more than 20% San's fault, he thinks. He takes San's hand and puts it over it. "San."

San separates from him and his expression go wary, wondering what he's playing at, but there's no mistaking the hunger that lights up his eyes, nor the way he tries to not look but still does. He runs his thumb over the darkened skin, and the stress gradually comes out of his shoulders. When Wooyoung kisses him, his hand flows down over his fly, and he asks, "Come sit down. I want to suck you."

Maybe he is in control, in other ways than he's used to so he didn't see them, Wooyoung thinks. "Only if you call me babe."

The stars are gone, San smiles and licks his lips. "Sure, babe, whatever you say."

~17~

They have to focus on finishing off the semester, so it's not until two weeks later, with year two officially done, that he can set up a meeting with Hongjoong at a cafe. Wooyoung hopes they might be able to keep it somewhat civil in public. When they arrive, Hongjoong and Jongho are sitting at a central table, facing the door.

"Sorry, I didn't realize the place was so cute," Wooyoung says to San as they sit down across from them. It's all white tablecloths with embroidered flowers and pastel colors.

With the cutest little head shake, San says, "I like it." And he smiles to himself flipping through the little pamphlets on the table too, with all the fluffy pastry options full of hearts and sparkles. 

Hongjoong's disgust with San's cuteness is loud, however, and Wooyoung wishes he'd chosen a different place. He should take San here another time, just the two of them, and let San coo over winged pig cupcakes in peace. The conversation is stumbling and awkward, and Hongjoong manages to trigger San's possessiveness, which hits every note to set off Hongjoong's overprotective bullshit. Jongho attempts to be polite, at least, but does nothing to hold Hongjoong back.

Finally, Hongjoong snaps, "If you think I'm going to let you prance off into the sunset with your fucking rapist-"

"What the fuck," San says, looking around, because Hongjoong is barely lowering his voice.

"Stop saying that, that's not how it was," Wooyoung hisses.

"Yeah, the girlfriend, and the photos, and the three weeks you spent crying on my couch, they were so consensual!"

San looks worried when he turns to Wooyoung, because this is technically the first he hears about that.

"Great," Hongjoong says. "You haven't even told him how much he fucked you up. There's only two ways this will go; either he dumps you and goes back to his girlfriend, or you cheat and I'll have to identify you at the morgue."

"I would never-!" San protests, glancing around again.

"You already did. He could barely walk, and you know I saw the bruises that you-"

San gets up and carefully pushes his chair in. "I'm sorry," he tells Wooyoung. "I can't have this conversation." He's worried about the soccer team, and probably his reputation in general, and Wooyoung understands that.

"I'm thankful for everything you do for me," Wooyoung assures Hongjoong, "I am, really, but I'm not going to stop seeing him. I can make my own decisions."

"Oh you mean like encouraging the guy who was obsessed with you, because it fed your ego and clearly he was harmless, until he kicked the shit out of a guy you tried to go home with? Or the guy who got jealous and broke into your apartment and tried to set it on fire? And now, this Mingi guy is really going in for fucking up your life. Your decisions about men are absolute shit, that's why I stick my nose in!"

Wooyoung grits his teeth. Hongjoong's been there for all his mistakes, but refuses to see that he's learned a lot from each one. "So he's a stupid frat boy, and kisses ass and can't make a choice to save his life, and he's a possessive, lying asshole that will probably beat me half to death for cheating one day, that doesn't change the fact that it's my life and-"

"I… I'll just head home." Wooyoung freezes, hearing San's voice over his shoulder. He'd thought San had left, gone outside. He spins around but San is already halfway to the door.

Turning back, he looks at the two men in front of him and realizes they both saw San stand there and let him go on, and that's it. Nobody gets to treat San like this, especially not in public.

"Wooyoung, you don't like him," Hongjoong says, "you're in some kind of Stockholm syndrome."

"What the fuck would you know, you can't even say I love you to your own fucking husband! You know why he's always telling me to drink less, when we go out together?" he asks Jongho. "I've never had a problem. But he can't get too drunk around me, because he starts telling me he's in love with me."

Hongjoong stares at him in betrayal, his face going red. Wooyoung's heart is careening like a spooked race horse. He's pretended not to notice, and Hongjoong always claims to not remember, and they've both always known that if either of them brings it up, their friendship will be over.

"It's not about the marks or whatever he did, it's that you can't deal with that I actually like someone."

With a massive effort of will, Hongjoong pushes his voice down flat. "No," he says. "Think what you want about the rest, but with your track record, and what he's done to you, I am actually genuinely worried, Wooyoung."

"Mm, go ahead and reassure me, instead of your husband."

Hongjoong flinches. But Jongho has looked unnaturally calm through it all. "It's fine," he says now. "I already know." Both of them stare at him, speechless. "What I want is a stable relationship, with a good, respectful person, and I have it."

"What?" Hongjoong whispers, staring at him. There's silence for a heartbeat, no one knows what they're talking about anymore, and then Hongjoong realizes, "You don't love me."

"Why would I get married to you without us ever talking about love if…" Jongho's confusion is shifting into defensiveness. "Don't give me that, we have a good thing here, you have no right, you're marrying me while being in love with your best friend!"

Wooyoung is afraid to breathe, because Hongjoong's expression is the calm before the storm. The next moment Hongjoong gets up so sharply his chair falls over. "You've been sitting with me at the lawyer, listening to me going on about tying our lives together!" He flips the whole tray with tea and pastries into Jongho's lap, sweeping the flower vase on the table down too in the process, and he's in Jongho's face, shouting, "You just let me go ahead because it's completely fucking impossible that I can love more than one person?" Jongho's never seen him hit max level, he's having more trouble handling being yelled at by a banshee than the hot tea in his lap. "I thought you understood and that's why you didn't push! I don't get drunk with you either! You fucking-" his breath hitches too hard and cuts him off.

Hongjoong wipes his tears, shoves Wooyoung's tray off the table too although not at him, kicks the table and storms out. People are moving away like the Red Sea parting. As the final display of his tantrum, he sweeps down a slim, tall, standing flower by the door on the way, spilling ceramic shards and plant pellets all over the floor. Jongho curses, standing in the mess, hands hovering in the air, mind stalling.

"What the fuck," Wooyoung says, for some reason trying to restore the flower vase to order, although it makes no difference to the chaos they've caused. "What the fuck?!" This time to Jongho, because apparently he was worried about Jongho getting hurt when Hongjoong was the one who needed help and protection.

With an empty stare, Jongho swiftly brushes vanilla cream off his pants. "I started the rumor about you," he says.

"What?"

"Not on purpose. I wanted to help, so I talked to San, and I didn't realize other people could hear us. In case I don't see you again, I want to say I'm sorry."

"What," Wooyoung says, because he has no idea what to do with any of this, and his mind is slowly catching up to the fact that he needs to go after San. Then, in return for the honesty, "He's going home to smash all your stuff, that's what he does."

Jongho leaves, chasing after Hongjoong. Dazed, Wooyoung rushes out the door before the cafe staff comes looking for culprits. Looking up and down the street, he knows Hongjoong went right to get to the subway and San went left, towards their apartment. He's been with Hongjoong for years, he's more like family than his actual family, they've gotten each other through tough times again and again. But he can't let San leave. Somehow, Wooyoung thinks, he always manages to make himself the asshole of every story. He goes left.

~18~

Wooyoung isn't sure how this fight started, because catching up with San after the meeting with Hongjoong he only wanted to apologize, but all the struggles lately erupted and compounded with this pressure that's been growing the past weeks, that Wooyoung isn't sure where it came from. His head is pounding almost as bad as his heart. They're standing in Wooyoung's apartment staring at one wall each and the words that have been said are bad enough.

"You've already decided that you'll cheat!" San accused him.

"No! But I fuck up! I break promises! I'll do my best, but I suck, okay? I don't want to cheat, but I'm just trying to be realistic!"

"You don't? You don't want to cheat?"

Wooyoung couldn't believe he had to answer, "I don't," to that, as if it was a question, as if he hadn't also gone through hell and lost everything, including himself, to be here.

Some yelling later, Wooyoung defensively said, "How was I wrong? You never made a choice with Miyoung, she made it for you!"

And San roared, "You made it for me!"

The words are bad, but not what ended the fight.

Wooyoung turns his back, because he's nearly crying and he cries in front of San too much while San has never cried. He listens to the sounds of San putting his jacket back on, because he threw it across the room before. That's how the shouting ended. San got agitated, threw the jacket and raised his arm to gesture, and Wooyoung ducked as if he'd get hit. It hadn't been conscious, San had moved so suddenly. All the stars of pain had lit up again in the ensuing silence. In the end, they'd yelled a hundred horrible, regretful words, but a single action spoke a thousand.

San gets into his shoes as well, and Wooyoung glances over his shoulder to see him set his hand on the door handle. The little abandonment trauma he's fostering makes his chest cramp in fear. He wants to ask San to stay but no words can get over his lips, he can barely breathe, so he turns his back again.

A sound he's never heard before cuts through the anxiety, his first thought is that it sounds like how he feels. Then he realizes San is crying - not just a tear or two falling but really crying - and finds San's hand still on the door handle but the man curled forward around it, head resting against the thick wood. Everything hurts but San's pain hurts worse. He walks closer, touches San's shoulder, and San glances at him like he'd forgotten he was there. The crying instantly stops, the tears swallowed down with a massive effort of will; San turns away to wipe his eyes and nose. He finally takes his hand off the handle to rub his face as he turns back.

"You don't have to hide from me, I'm not your dad," Wooyoung tries.

"You don't think I've done enough to you?" San says, and the base message is clear - he'll not bother Wooyoung with his own pain because he's trying to make up for what he's done. But there's a second where his gaze turns into a hateful glare and Wooyoung wishes he would stop saying what he thinks Wooyoung wants to hear and tell him the truth.

"Am I innocent?" he asks because even the stupidest frat boy in existence can't say yes to that. San looks like he doesn't care about that, though, which is because he refuses to tell Wooyoung what the fuck this is actually about. Wooyoung attempts, "I didn't mean any of that stuff I said to Hongjoong, I was trying to make a point!"

"You never say anything you don't mean," San says.

"I say a lot of things I don't mean," Wooyoung thinks.

"Not when it matters," San insists. "It was clear enough just now."

He means Wooyoung's flinching, he'll beat me half to death the day I end up cheating. "I was startled, San, that's all. I know you won't hurt me. I meant that even if you'd be all those things he thinks you are, it'd still be my choice if I want to date you, not his. You haven't done anything to me, I've already forgiven you. Let's start over. Clean slate."

San rolls his eyes but doesn't speak, and Wooyoung can't read his mind.

"How do you expect me to ever trust you, or get to know you, if you never tell me what you actually think?"

The exhausting emotional storm lately has eroded San's walls, and that's the final little tap that makes them come crumbling down. "The guys won't talk to me, even at practice," he says. "I did so much awful shit to help Mingi, and now I'm fucking him up, and for what? You don't want to be seen with me because you think they look down on you, but Wooyoung… the only one who does is you. You're ashamed of being with me! You wanted time to deal with all that, so I'm trying to give you time, but you… you wouldn't shut up for one day about Miyoung, like I should drop my best friend the instant you told me to."

"That's not the same thing! You want to keep your girlfriend-"

"Miyoung and I were always business, but she always had my back. People think I look hot or fuck well, and call me stupid without giving me a chance, but she listened. She read poetry to me. She was proud of me, Wooyoung. She could be an asshole sometimes, but she was on my side, you fucking helped my parents!" Tears are escaping again when he fixes his eyes on Wooyoung. "Is this what you want to hear about?"

No, he wants to say, because he clearly doesn't know anything, he hadn't realized he missed her so much, he'd moved on so quickly, and Wooyoung doesn't like poetry. His fingers slip off of San's shoulder and he half turns away.

"I am a stupid frat boy," San says, rubbing his eyes, but can't make himself stop crying now. "I've given up everything for you. But you hate people for being weak, I'm barely allowed to touch you in public because you think you'll look weak, so how am I supposed to tell you that I miss her? Or that I've tried so hard to get free of my parents. Or that I feel like you don't actually want to be with me."

"You-you want to blame me for that because I haven't asked you to fuck me yet?" Wooyoung blurts out, and hates himself for that at least, because it's defensive asshole bullshit, the kind of stuff he's trying to grow past.

That flash of a hateful glare comes for a brief visit, before San says, "Wooyoung, this entire time you've never even said you like me."

That can't be right, Wooyoung thinks while San cries, brain stalling trying to find the moments, the many moments when he's obviously said it, but it comes up empty. He's thought it so many times it feels stamped on his forehead, like he exposes himself constantly and San never lets him in. But San has told him over and over and he can't find a single memory of speaking the words to San.

"I show you all the time!" he claims. He does, with his choices and actions, what does a few words matter when he just abandoned Hongjoong for San? But he's also desperately searching for memories because it can't be right, he just fucking yelled at Hongjoong for never saying I love you, he must have said it! What kind of insane, self-obsessed, toxic fucking asshole would need someone so much, and be given so much, and not say it? The answer is Jung Wooyoung, apparently, because there's nothing. He's said all the opposites; that he doesn't want to be with San and doesn't want to be his, that San is stupid, that he doesn't know him; he's told San to stop touching him, stop calling him baby, stop talking about him to others - but he's never said he likes him. You don't say anything you don't mean, San said, and in between the lines Wooyoung finds, so you won't say you like me.

"I'm not ashamed of you-" he starts, because San is brave and beautiful and polite, a steady and safe place, loyal and a hard worker, a talented soccer player, and someone who understands parts of him he'd never have discovered on his own, but he's never said any of this, not to San or to anyone else. And he's talking to a door closing in his face.

He's alone. The anxiety explodes, paralyzes him like the shockwave of a bomb. San walked out, he left, he's not coming back, Wooyoung is going to die, he feels dizzy and staggers over to his chair to sit down. He's done it again, he's cut San off from everyone else, made him think he doesn't care about him, he can't make anyone feel loved, he only fucks people up. Taking deep breaths, he slowly regains control of his mind.

He's taken everything, he has to return it. His phone is on the table. He finds the number in his list, leaving the phone where it is and turning on speaker because his hands are shaking, and waits.

"Really?" he gets, dripping with hostility.

"I'm sorry," he tries. "But I… don't know where San is, he's upset, I fucked up. He misses you. If you could just try talking to him again…?"

"He won't talk to me," Miyoung informs him. "He promised you, so he won't, he's stubborn as a goat."

"I'll come along and tell him I called you," Wooyoung offers. "If you know where he might be?"

She sighs. "There's a gaming cafe he goes to when he wants to shut down and escape the pressure for a while, I'll send you the address."

"I'll meet you there. Please."

"See you in half an hour," she says and hangs up.

When he gets there, it's a small place, pretty dusky with blue interior. Miyoung is outside, leaning against the wall by the window, and stands up when she sees him. Just seeing her face is a bristle of emotions he has to pat down. "Thanks for coming."

"He's inside," she says. "He hasn't seen me."

He gestures for her to lead the way. She scrutinizes his face as she walks past him, trying to see through his calm act. He's trying to hold on to the determination that this is the right thing and he wants San to be happy, because that's what you do when you like someone, you put them first. Whatever she finds, she doesn't say anything.

San startles when she nudges his shoulder after failing to call his attention because the noise-canceling headphones are too good. He doesn't answer her though, even when the headphones come off, stubbornly keeping his promise to Wooyoung.

"San," Wooyoung says, and Miyoung steps out of the way so he can see him. "I called her, it's okay."

Before San can answer, Miyoung gestures to the screen. "Are you still playing that character? Stop picking the ones that look hot! The multipliers on the finishing move are shit! You're never going to solo the water boss, the dps-race-"

"I already did," San says, provoked into defending himself. "I mean it took nine tries but with food buffs-"

Wooyoung leaves them to it.

~19~

San has called him four times but he's let it ring. He's wrapped up like a turtle in his blankets, watching an action thriller on the laptop, on his stomach on the bed, eating microwave popcorn for dinner because why the fuck not. The door unlocks, and there's only one person with a key.

"Excuse me," he says as San comes inside and kicks off his shoes. "You don't live here, you could at least knock." He feels a lot calmer than he thought he'd be, seeing San again, like the emotional turmoil lately has either hardened him or exhausted him, or most likely both, but his stomach knots up a bit.

San scans the situation. "You're not answering your phone because you think I'm breaking up with you and going back to her," is the conclusion he draws.

Wooyoung eats some popcorn.

"Can you trust me, if I want to keep seeing her as a friend?" San asks.

That definitely does not sound like breaking up. While San's been out, Wooyoung has attempted some character development. San has let him run wild, not setting any boundaries because he feels guilty, and Wooyoung, being himself, has ignored all the obvious signs that San was hurting. He's made everything about himself and his own fears. Hating weakness and therefore himself was one thing, but it makes San feel like he hates him too; it's hurting San more than himself and he can't allow that. Being embarrassed in public is one thing, but here, between the two of them, it has to stop. So he wants to explode at the idea of people thinking San is still seeing Miyoung, but he doesn't.

"I don't know, but we can try," he offers.

San sinks down on the side of the bed and takes off his jacket. He looks tired, but not so upset anymore. "Is it any good?"

"Want me to start it over?"

"Nah."

Wooyoung does anyway and holds out the blanket so San can slide in under it. The opening is a long sequence in a forest with a killer chasing down two children, no dialogue. Wooyoung spends it with his eyes closed, trying to work himself into the mindspace that San leads him into. What are you ashamed of, baby? The answer should be: nothing, in front of you. Two minutes in he manages to admit, "I think I can't live without you. Pretty literally, because it's hard to breathe without you. If that's love, that sucks, but I guess it's in line with how life has worked so far."

He can see San smile just enough for the hint of dimples, and the knots in his stomach ease up some.

"I like you. I like you a fucking lot San, so please don't leave like that again. If you want space I'll try to give you space, or anything you need, but when you walk out when we're fighting… I feel like I'll die."

San kisses him but for the first time does not promise; choosing truth over what Wooyoung wants to hear. "I'm sorry about Hongjoong," he says.

"I'm sorry about Mingi. But maybe Yunho can help you smooth things over with the team?"

"Maybe," San says. He wraps an arm around Wooyoung to pull him tight against his body. "I guess it'd be weird if we got some fairytale happy ending. But.. Clean slate, new start," he says, like Wooyoung did earlier. "We can try to do better."

It's strange how safe Wooyoung feels, all of a sudden. San left, but he came back. On his own, without any begging or provoking, calm and steady and sure again. Maybe all he needed was a moment to himself to think, they've been joined at the hip for a while now, Wooyoung terrified to let him out of his sight, and San trying to make up for his mistakes and reassure him. "You're kind of sexy like this."

San smiles, flattered. "Like what?"

"Like… not a dumb himbo frat boy."

Wooyoung breaks into snickers already halfway through that, as San's eyes widen for a second before he shoves fingers in his ribs, rolling them over, tickling him until he squeals for mercy. At that point San's on all fours over Wooyoung, eyes hungry.

Wooyoung has always needed San to show the way, to force him past the stupid barriers he's set for himself. Admitting he likes San, and forgives San for everything he could ever do, is easy. It's this part that's hard. But Wooyoung looks into those scary eyes, into the bottomless, self-destructive want that will surely lead them into ruin more times than this, and there isn't a barrier in existence that can stop the force of nature that is Choi San.

"I want you to fuck me up," he says, because it's easier.

A corner of San's mouth comes up, as he comes down close against his lips. "I think you can say that nicer."

"Please," Wooyoung says, body rising at the promise, "fuck me-"

San kisses him.

Exeunt Omnes

(~20~)

"Nineteen… twenty," Wooyoung counts. "Take thirty."

From the pushup position, San drops flat on his stomach on the floor, panting. His bare chest is covered in sweat, his hair soaked in it, drops of it spread on the floor below him.

"You can do two more rounds," Wooyoung thinks, sitting leaned back in his chair.

A negative noise comes out of San, like he's too tired to speak.

"For sure. Ready?"

With a rumbling groan, San comes back up in position. "You're worse than my coach," he complains.

"One!"

Despite the complaining, panting and sweating, San immediately jumps.

At the last of the various exercises of the round, San returns to pushup position and Wooyoung tells him to try a different placement of the hands. He's started reading about workouts to be able to help San. "Like this," he says, coming over to nudge his wrist with his foot. San doesn't say anything, just does what he says and waits for him to start counting.

Wooyoung remembers that at some point, at the very beginning, he imagined something almost exactly like this. San's pecs are swollen and his skin blooming, glistening and dripping. His arms are starting to tremble with the strain, and a drop of sweat is slowly making its way down the side of his face to find his jaw and slide down his chin, red lips parted around puffs of hot air…

"Baby."

Wooyoung hums.

San glances up, and immediately sees the result of Wooyoung's musings; his thin summer pants bulging. A breath of disbelief comes out of him, but he stays in position, waiting, trusting that he'll take the workout seriously. Sooner or later. Wooyoung licks his lips.

"One."

At the end of it, San gets on his feet and waves away any claims that he can do one more round. "It's too warm," he says, drinking some water and wiping his face with a towel. "We really need to move. This place is a fucking sauna in summer."

"I told you we should go outside," Wooyoung says.

"Mhm." San comes closer and draws the side of his finger up over Wooyoung's half-hard cock. "But you always get like this whenever you help me work out. You want to show it off in the park?"

Wooyoung snickers. "I've got nothing to hide." But then San tosses the towel on the microwave. "Hey! Don't just leave it there!" He gestures at the rest of the apartment, San's clothes scattered all over, another towel flung over the corner of the bookcase, his notebooks and a scattering of books occupying three quarters of the table.

San chuckles, and Wooyoung knows how Jongho felt because just like ex-soccer guy Hongjoong, this soccer guy never lifts a finger to clean up.

"You're such a fucking frat boy," Wooyoung accuses him.

"Sure, babe, whatever you say," San says, one hundred percent teasing him, and kisses his temple, making Wooyoung swat at him.

"Ugh, you're all sweaty. You're not getting laid until you clean up your shit!"

"So bossy," San complains and lets go of him. He starts picking up clothes randomly and gathers them all in a pile on the floor, which Wooyoung supposes will do, and then throws the sweatpants he's wearing into the pile too. "You said if I clean up I'd get laid," he grins, coming to tug Wooyoung's shirt off him.

"That's not at all what I said and you're still sweaty," Wooyoung says, but San has already shoved a hand down his pants so whatever.

It's too warm and San is actually for once too spent to get into anything too enthusiastic, but bound and blindfolded on his knees Wooyoung still has to pay for the bossiness as San fucks his mouth and then leaves him to fuck himself to completion on a toy. He's so tired he can't stand up when San tries to get him to the showers, so San picks him up. They could just have waited for a moment, but right now they're in the phase of Wooyoung vehemently denying he likes being carried around.

Afterwards they're cuddling and Wooyoung randomly thinks of something and asks, "True or false, you knew for sure that I was up for it, the first time."

He gets a murderous glare. "Excuse me?"

"I said I don't bottom like four times."

"You were all over me," San thought. "And I gave you at least ten separate openings to walk out but you just kept staring at me like you wanted me to eat you."

Wooyoung can't stop himself from blushing. "I did not!"

"Sure, babe, whatever you say," San teases. Wooyoung tries to poke his ribs and San grabs his arm, traps it behind his back and hugs him close. "True or false," he says, voice dropping into a more intimate tone. "You were into the rough stuff before me."

"False," Wooyoung says, "I can be bossy and slap a cute ass, but that's not the same as what you do."

"I mean on your back," San says.

Wooyoung thinks of all the times he was disappointed when people stopped when he told them to stop, and how his skin had ached to be securely locked down almost as much as his mind had, and chooses to change subjects. "True or false, you could turn anyone into a sub."

"I did my best with Miyoung and got absolutely nowhere," San points out.

"Hongjoong," Wooyoung says, "you could get Hongjoong to sub for you?"

San licks his lips. "Well, I like challenges. And he's cute when he yells."

Seeing San dominate Hongjoong might be the hottest thing Wooyoung has ever heard of in his entire life. "If I can get him to agree to try it, you'd do it?"

"He's barely started talking to you again, how the hell would you get him to agree to this? And I thought you didn't want to share," San says, amused.

"This isn't sharing," Wooyoung claims. "It's giving myself the greatest gift of all time. You would? For me?"

San shrugs, smile teasing out the dimples, eyes lighting up with competitiveness. "Sure, babe, whatever you say."

FINIS

"For blessings ever wait on virtuous deeds; and though late, a sure reward succeeds." The Mourning Bride (Act V Scene 3, final line) by William Congreve.