Chapter Text
Remus crossed the bathroom in two steps and pulled Sirius into a kiss. Sirius' mouth were closed tightly and his eyes widened when Remus pressed his lips onto him. It wasn't long before Remus pulled away and hugged him gently.
“Why haven't you texted me?”
“What...?”
“After we got together you were so quiet...”
“Remus what are you talking abo-”
“Star.”
Sirius jumped back as if he was burnt by Remus words. His calfs hit the bath and he lost his balance falling back into it with a hard tud.
“Pads, you're okay?!”
Sirius wriggled in the bathroom as if he wished to crawl away somewhere backwards tho it was impossible. Remus didn't want him to be scared, to feel cornered so he took a step back lifting his hands up in a silent surrender.
“Remus-”
“I'm Iris” Remus said quickly.
Sirius stopped breathing for a second and Remus was close to panic as well but then Sirius head hit the tiles behind the bath and he laughed quietly.
“Of fucking course...”
“Pads?”
“Was it your plan from the beginning? Did you know I was in that toilette stale where you left your number?”
“What?” Remus asked confused not knowing what the boy is rambling about.
“Fuck, I knew you were smart, fucking genius but that was... It was low even for you.”
“Sirius, what are you even talking about?”
“Nice plan, Moony. And the implementation? Perfection. I fell for that like the biggest fool.”
“Padfoot what are you saying?!”
“I'm saying you're a dick! I know I fucked up, okay?! I know it! But you didn't have to ruin my life because of it!”
Remus frowned. The fuck was this about?!
“Sirius-”
“No! Don't talk to me again! You-”
“Sirius explain to me what do you mean right fucking now!” Remus snapped wih irritation. He had enough of being in the dark with the boy yelling at him.
Sirius winced at the alpha voice but started talking, spilling words like sand from the pouch. Remus had to listen carefully to understand the meaning.
“You knew I was gonna text your number and then you- you fucking make me fall in love with you... again! And- and you... Fuck, you wanted- you waited for when I will be vulnerable enough to need you- you ask me and... And I fell for you and now you- this fucking revange! You wanted to break my heart now again?! How can you be so cruel?!”
“Sirius...” He said softly, afraid to startle the boy and make him panic again. “I see. You think it was my plan but it was not. I forgot I wrote my number in that bar wc. It was long ago. And I had no idea it was you I was texting.”
“Don't lie!”
“I'm not.”
“Then how the fuck do you know now, huh?!”
“I realised fucking yesterday. When you told me about your ex. Well, I wouldn't get suspicious if your fucking ex an I were not one damn person. So I started thinking... I though I was being paranoid but...”
“Remus, coincidences like this do not occure in nature” Sirius huffed weakly.
“Well, I always knew there was something unnatural in our relationship” Remus said and saw Sirius grimace. “Are you okay?”
“No. The fuck are you even asking for?”
“Did you take a test?”
“What?”
“Pregnancy test. After... that situation.”
Sirius froze. “I did... I'm not- Can we not talk about this?”
“Sirius” Remus sighted. “We're theoretically together.”
“We're not.”
“You said-”
“I said it to Iris.”
“I am Iris!”
“No!”
“Okay! Great! Be delusional but if you don't want us to be together then you have to fucking break up with me. Again. I'm not gonna make it easy for you, sweetheart” Remus spat with his tone cold like ice.
Sirius bit his lip and looked away. There was a long time before he spoke again. “I... I don't want to break up with you. I didn't want to the first time too...”
Remus heartbeat grew but he also frowned puzzled. “What do you mean you didn't want this the first time too?” But Sirius was quiet. “Look, I have no right to judge you after what I did to you in last month but for fuck's sake, Sirius, you told everyone I'm gay even tho we agreed it's a secret. Then you broke up with me by a note- fucking note!- and you disappeared!”
“I know...”
“Look, I know I have no right to judge you-”
“You do. You can judge me” Sirius muttered looking at his feet. “I... I didn't want to do this. But I had to make you hate me.”
Remus eyes widened. “What did you say? Sirius- WHY?”
Sirius chewed on his lip more harshly now. “I... I presented that day. I had my first heat so... I took many, many surpressants that I stole from you,” alpha surpressants are not meant for omegas, you idiot – Remus thought, “and I told Stacy from Slitherin that you are gay. The rumor was quickly on everyone's mouth-”
“Yeah, I know” Remus interrupted him not willing to remember this exact detail. “But I don't understand! Why did you do this?!”
“When I presented my brother noticed that and he texted our parents. They decided to sign me for a character training course at a french facility...” Remus furrowed, still not understanding. “I... I had to break up with you cause this course was supposed to last until I get bonded with an alpha my family chose for me. I had to make you hate me so you wouldn't look for me after I'm gone.”
“Why?!”
“Because at that time I though the facility will be equal to the death sentence and I didn't want to hurt you.”
“What about you?!”
“It was my end. I accepted it” Sirius whispered.
Remus moved before he could think it over and he checked Sirius scent glands. They weren't broken. Sirius was tense in his hands so he quickly pulled away. “You're not bonded.”
“No. I ran away. The facility... well, it had really old methods but as old was their building security system. Even tho it took me a year to achive this.”
“You...” The questions where multiplying in his brain with extremal speed. He gulped and closed his eyes analysing how to lead this conversation to not trigger Sirius nor himself. “Okay. I get it now. I understand why you had to do this. It's in the past. We discussed it, we cannot change it, I forgave you. This subject is closed.” Sirius nodded sadly but seemingly relieved. “But. I get it why you wanted to break up with me back then. But why now? Why we cannot be back together?”
Sirius grimaced and lowered his head a little. “It's complicated.”
“Please.”
“I... I'm not who I was.”
“I know this, Pads” Remus said gently. “I know. I got to know you as Star-”
“No.”
Remus frowned. “No?”
“You don't understand. How could you when I'm not telling you the whole story?” he chuckled bitterly. “But I won't tell you. And you can't be with someone like me.”
Remus wanted to shout with frustration but he couldn't – Sirisu wouldn't open up for him if he did that. “I don't care” he said finally. “I want to be with you.”
“I don't want you to be with me.”
“Okay, you don't want me to be with you but do you want you to be with me?”
Sirius looked at him with wide eyes. The answer was right there in his expression. Yes. “I can't” he whispered.
“Yes, you can. Therfore we are together.”
“Remus- you will regret that” Sirius' voice cracked and Remus embraced him slowly.
“Shhh. It's okay, Pads. Don't decide for me.”
“I can't-” Remus kissed him to stop saying more bullshit. Why is this boy always so difficult?
Well, kissing Sirius to stop him was his first purpose but then Sirius- fuck- he moaned quietly, melting in Remus arms and Remus had to stop himself from going too far. Even tho he kissed Sirius deeply, his hands roaming on the bared tatooed back. Sirius was a bit taller now than when he was sixteen and he gained some muscles. It was so fucking attractive. And his smell – Remus gently pushed his nose near boy's scent gland but Sirius jumped away so quick that Remus didn't even sniff him properly. “Wha-?”
“Not there” Sirius covered his scent glands with his hands.
“What? Why?” Remus frowned not knowing why did he make Sirius uncomfortable.
“It smells bad.”
What. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Remus snapped not so softly.
“It's not sweet and-”
“No, Sirius. Are you for real right now?” he asked again with annoyence.
Sirius shifted in his place with confusion in the eyes. “Uhh, yes?”
“Are you fucking dumb? I know you've changed and everything but you're IQ couldn't possible decrease so much.” Sirius eyes widened but before he could say anything Remus continued. “Your smell is fucking devine. Devine, okay? I would drown in it and be grateful because what a perfect way to go is that!”
“It's not. You wanted to get rid of it too!”
“Of course I wanted to get rid of it! It made me want to jump on you and take your breath away in a way that would definitely be seen as cheating even tho it would be cheating on you with you!” Sirius looked a bit dumbfounded and Remus sighted slowly. “Has anyone ever told you, you smell bad?”
“My pare-”
“Besides your family.”
Sirius was quiet.
“Right... Pads, you're pretty self-loathing now, huh? We will have to work on that” Remus step towards him and gently caressed his cheek. Sirius observed him with round eyes. “I will not touch your scent glands if you don't want me to but... I would want nothing more. Now, get some rest. We will talk tomorrow.” Remus smiled and stepped out of the bathroom and returned to his bed before his heart would explode.