Chapter Text
Waking up was never an easy task. In fact, it was always a fight the moment the brunette had to leave the comfort brought by his few blankets, and some of the plushies gifted by his friends, he wouldn’t admit liking or even keeping.
The only thing worse than waking up was getting out of bed early on a Monday. Is not that he didn’t enjoy his meetings with his professor, first thing in the morning, to check on the progress he just finished the night before, because he did, don’t get him wrong, but it had been a busy weekend, to say the least.
His Friday afternoon was filled with explanations on why Oda should keep his thoughts to himself, at least when it involved others and their feelings, and disappointed looks and hard words from Ango. Dazai didn’t doubt for a second that Ango would be on his side, but after a few minutes of his friend not letting slide anything Oda said, the brunette started to feel bad for his friend.
After what felt like the scolding of a little kid, they drank like a regular Friday afternoon. Dazai left earlier, with the excuse that he was tired after the long day he had, which earned him an apologetic smile from Oda, who turned once more on the target of Angos’s glare.
Before leaving, Dazai’s friends told him they would check on him during the weekend, for which the brunette was grateful. But, the result was breakfast at twelve because the brunette refused to get out of bed before that, no matter what they said to convince him to leave the comfort of his room on a Saturday morning.
In the end, it hadn’t been that bad, a crazy Friday followed by a weird weekend, but at least his friends made sure he didn’t stay home alone, overthinking every single life choice he had ever had. Even though, Dazai had decided that he would stay away from Chuuya, at least for the time being.
After their unexpected encounter, followed by the loudest argument their school had seen in years, Dazai couldn’t quite gather the courage to face the redhead so soon.
Dazai wasn’t mad at the redhead, Odasaku didn’t try to convince him to stay away from him, and it wasn’t like he didn’t want to see Chuuya ever again. But it had been some rough days, and with everything that happened, the brunette felt as if he needed some space.
...............
On the other side, Chuuya, clueless as he was, had too much energy and a firm objective in mind. The redhead, who had woken up a few hours later than the, had already set up his mind. Sadly, for the brunette, Chuuya’s plan didn’t fit too well with Dazai’s idea of staying away for the time being.
The brunette left his apartment early, probably too early, but he had already left when he decided to check the time. Now, being too lazy to go back, he decided to head up to campus.
The problem was that it was indeed too early, and Dazai wasn’t prepared to face his responsibilities just yet. Even if the meeting with his professor wasn’t until later, the brunette was sure that if he had gone now to their office, he would have probably found Fukuzawa already there, ready to start discussing concepts Dazai wasn’t even sure anymore.
So, in his way, he decided that the best option was to make time until his thoughts were a little bit more sorted, or he ran out of time, whichever happened first. As it should be, his first option was a nearby café he had discovered purely by accident, and he had become a regular ever since.
The brunette had found out about the existence of the cozy coffee shop, in his fourth year of college, after entering the wrong alley while looking for a bookshop. When the brunette found the cafe, he had been running for weeks on watery coffee, that didn’t get any better no matter how much sugar he poured into it, because the coffee maker of their campus cafeteria broke down.
Dazai had become a regular client the moment he discovered it. A customer that probably came more than he should, and who spent the entire afternoon during finals week over his favorite table, but just that, a customer, nothing special. It wasn’t until he took his friends to the café that everything changed.
The brunette always laid low, or at least he tried. Dazai truly believed that if he didn’t move people wouldn’t be able to see him, so he always tried to draw as little attention as possible. Even when sometimes it backfired, his mysterious aura and handsome looks made it a bit harder for the brunette to blend the background.
Dazai was, most of the time, fine going outside. People didn’t arouse as much anxiety as they did before. Even though, that didn’t mean the brunette was comfortable establishing a conversation with a stranger, neither did it stop Dazai’s body from involuntary tensing up when someone addressed him.
Even if people themselves didn’t present great discomfort, the brunette tried to avoid crowded places as much as possible, and situations that would lead to having to interact more than the bare minimum. Therefore, Dazai was always making himself as invisible as possible, always being polite but not charming and concrete and precise with his words so it wouldn’t lead to misunderstandings he would have to clarify later.
The problem was that, if it could ever be called a problem, whenever he went out with either Odasaku or Ango he felt safe. When Dazai was with his friends the rest of the world was less present, and people’s gaze didn’t matter as much as it did when he was alone. It didn’t mean that his anxiety was suddenly gone but, it did help to make the brunette less self-conscious of every step he took.
So, two years ago, when he arrived at the café like any other Thursday afternoon, but this time, with his friends for the first time, it didn’t cross Dazai’s mind that they were using sign language to talk, after all, it was a regular thing for them. But what wasn"t so usual in his routine was having the blond barista approach them with a strangely bright smile.
‘You are using sign language’ the waitress had said that day, which earned her a shocked look from Oda and Ango and a confused one from Dazai who didn’t catch what she said because he wasn’t looking at her.
“Oh right sorry” she mumbled before starting to sign. “I’m Higuchi, I… I… ‘shit what was the word’ I’m studying…” alternating between signs and words
“Would you like some help?” Oda had offered.
“What?” now it was Higuchi’s time to look confused.
“With your signs, would you like some help to say something?” Oda spoke as he signed so Dazai could understand what was going on.
Higuchi looked between the three friends trying to make sense of what was going on. She had just entered college to study Alternative Communication, and now in the second semester of her first year, after taking a class in sign language and getting good grades, the blond waitress assumed she could be of any help to the three men in front of her using sign language.
However, the moment she walked closer, she got so nervous she barely could make a coherent sentence. And to make it worse, her brain had decided to finally collapse completely the moment the taller man of the three had spoken to her as if he could hear her, wait, could he?
Meanwhile, Dazai was at a loss for words. Having the waitress’ café in front of them, looking for answers but not knowing if she was allowed to ask wasn’t exactly his definition of peacefully grabbing a cup of coffee. But, at the same time, he felt intrigued.
Higuchi wasn’t too fluent in sign language, but neither was Dazai when he started to learn it, what was important was that she knew it existed, and she felt she had enough knowledge to start talking to them. The brunette only knew of his friends and other deaf people who used sign language, so finding someone outside of his circle who made made it easier for them to communicate was a first for Dazai.
For that reason, against all odds, Dazai decided to engage in the sudden conversation the barista was trying to have.
“Hi, I’m Dazai, and you are using sign language too, right?”
Higuchi froze, “Ah, yes, yes, I learned it in college”
“That’s amazing” Dazai said with a warm smile.
After that, with patience, and some help from Oda and Ango to get the message through when Higuchi didn’t know how to say something, they ended up becoming somewhat friends, or at least close acquaintances.
From that moment, Higuchi had always tried to talk with the brunette. In the beginning, it was hard, but the blond barista never stopped pushing herself trying to understand Dazai, who was patient and never found annoying the extra time he had to wait for his coffee just so Higuchi could form a coherent sentence to properly greet him, neither he seemed to care about the attention the two of them attracted while immersed in their conversation.
Now, after almost two years, Higuchi was practically done with her degree, and even if they weren’t that close, she always cared about Dazai. Always excited to engage in small conversations with the brunette as she prepared his caramel latte with extra sugar. The way Dazai took so much sugar in just one coffee and was still alive was a mystery to the barista, but she was tired of suggesting cutting a bit on the sweet just to receive a dramatic refusal.
At this point, she just made the ridiculous sweet drink, not even asking anymore what the brunette wanted. That way, Higuchi had extra time to talk more about how Dazai was doing and not waste time discussing the quantity of sugar a regular human should take per day.
After the second cup of coffee that morning, Dazai felt it was already a good time to head up to his meeting with Fukuzawa. The brunette closed the book he was reading and waved goodbye to Higuchi, who now was attending to other customers.
On his way back, the Dazai prepared to face the new day. The possibility of meeting Chuuya crossed his mind, but Dazai decided to push it to the back of his head. The brunette was going to meet with his professor and then he had work to do at the library, so he couldn’t afford to lose time thinking about the pretty redhead who lately had been occupying his mind more than he had liked.
After all, in all his years studying at Yokohama University, he had never met Chuuya before, so what were the odds of encountering him again?
...............
“Shit Albatross I’m late” said Chuuya as he stormed out of his room with his pants half on and terrible bed hair.
“What?” asked his roommate from the couch where he was enjoying his morning coffee.
“Today is Monday!”
“And?” responded Albatross even more confused.
“Tross, is Monday and I’m late!”
“And?” he asked again, not understanding why Chuuya was in such a hurry. “Chuuya is Monday, we don’t have class until after lunch, what in the world would you be late for?”
“Ugh! You just don’t understand, and If I keep talking to you, I’m just going to be even later”
“Sorry?” said Albatross wondering if he should ask more about it or just let his friend be.
As Albatross kept enjoying his morning slowly waking up, Chuuya was all over the place, going from his room to the kitchen to his room again, then the redhead entered the bathroom and then back to the kitchen again.
After a few minutes, there wasn’t a trace of the Chuuya that had just woken up. The redhead that stood now in front of his friend was wearing a black turtleneck under one of his white dress-up shirts, black plants complemented with a belt, and dark boots. His hair was perfectly done, a small braid gathered in a low ponytail over his left shoulder, not a hair out of place, which emphasized the eyeliner he had flawlessly managed to pull in the five minutes he had been in the bathroom.
“Well look at you… Didn’t you go a bit overboard for just a lecture?”
“Don’t know what you are talking about” said Chuuya trying to dismiss his friend"s comment.
“Oh, that’s not going to work on me missy, who are you going to meet?”
“No one”
“And does that ‘no one’ has a name? Wait! Don’t tell me you are going to meet with that dorky beanpole?”
“Ugh Tross, I don’t have time for this” said Chuuya while preparing his bag “and he is not a dork” mumbled after a few seconds.
“Ha! Then you are meeting him”
“He has a name” said Chuuya annoyed as he walked to the door “and I’m taking the motorcycle”
“Huh? Don’t you dare let that… Dazai anywhere near my baby”
Chuuya opened the door of the entrance cabinet to grab his black and red helmet that was next to Albatross’ fluorescent orange one, ‘as flashy as his personality’ Chuuya thought. Then he grabbed the keys sitting at the top of the cabinet and with a short ‘bye’ and a slam on the door, he left the apartment.
The redhead wasn’t so sure about whether he should feel grateful that his friend was at least trying to be somewhat close to nice about this situation with Dazai, or annoyed because he made him lose a lot of time with the morning interrogation.
It was already later than he would have liked. Last week, when he met Dazai for the first time in the library, it was around 10 am. Chuuya doubted the brunette had the same schedule all week, but if he was lucky enough, he might just find the pretty librarian doing his usual work. That way, Chuuya could talk to him. If that didn’t work, the redhead planned to roam around like a vulture until Dazai fell under his gaze.
In an idyllic world, Chuuya would have woken up an hour earlier, not because he needed all that time to get ready, but just for the sake of not having to deal with the traffic at this time of the day. After a big traffic jam, a few insults, and an incredible number of murderous thoughts, Chuuya arrived at college.
At ten thirty, Chuuya entered the library, his braid was slightly crooked, and some of the hair was out of place. The culprit, now being carried alongside the redhead"s backpack, was none other than his helmet, which made the head of almost everyone in the library turn as he passed by.
When the redhead passed the last line of bookshelves without any sign of Dazai, he started questioning how stupid his oh-so-brilliant idea was. Nevertheless, Chuuya was quick to push that thought aside, not letting himself get too discouraged. After all, it was just his first attempt to see the brunette, he could arrive later, or they could cross paths around campus.
With that thought in mind, Chuuya put in motion plan B. The redhead wasn’t so naïve to come unprepared. Even if he hoped for it to work on the first try, he knew that the possibility of that happening was low. That’s why the redhead had decided to try his luck and, in case he didn’t find the brunette, stay in the library until his first class started.
If Dazai’s shift started before he had to leave for class, the redhead would see him and hopefully, they could talk so Chuuya could apologize properly. Even though, that could only work if Dazai didn’t refuse to talk to him or even to look at him. The redhead had also thought to try again tomorrow and the day after tomorrow if he didn’t manage to see Dazai.
...............
Walking through the hallway from his teacher"s office to the library, Dazai thought it wasn’t going to be a hard day. The brunette had just finished his meeting with Fukuzawa, fifteen minutes before his shift started. It would be a lie to say that the idea of walking down the street for another coffee didn’t cross Dazai’s mind, but it would have been his third cup in four hours, and that couldn’t be healthy.
Instead, the brunette decided to head straight to the library, maybe arriving ten minutes earlier would help to put behind his long list of tardies. When Dazai arrived, he went looking for Kunikida. The blond man was over the seventh shelf, as one of his coworkers had told him.
The thing about the seventh shelf, that Dazai had always disliked, is that being positioned the way it is, everyone who dares their gaze towards it, or who simply passes by, can see everything, which only made Dazai feel more observed.
Today, nevertheless, the wide space in the center, with an open view of the whole library, proved to come in handy, because as Dazai was approaching Kunikida he saw a well-kept mat of orange hair, that was like fire burning the pages of the books those azure eyes were reading.
The brunette stopped in his tracks, trying to hide behind something, anything. In the end, he decided to take cover behind the end of the bookshelf and waved his hand to Kunikida.
The blond man noticed the wavering Dazai as if trying to catch his attention but not wanting to get closer, taking cover instead of just walking next to him. Kunikida’s first reaction was a confused look, which soon turned into an annoyed glare accompanied by a heavy sight.
In the end, Kunikida ended up standing up from where he was crouching, probably placing books in their right spot and walked up to an even more weird-looking Dazai.
“Wow! You are actually on time, but still equally annoying as every day” Kunikida managed to sign some and spoke the rest.
By the look Dazai had, Kunikida figured out he didn’t understand a thing, or he was just pretending he hadn’t. In front of him, Dazai was looking around as if he had gotten lost in the halls of the place where he had been working for two years now. That’s when a third possibility arose in Kunikida, the man in front of him with a disorientated face and sketchy behavior wasn’t even paying enough attention to him to know that they were having a conversation.
“Dazai!” Kunikida snapped his fingers in front of the brunette’s face.
“Oh sorry… I” Dazai wondered if his coworker knew more than just basic sign language or if he was just looking like a fool wiggling his hands around, but well he had to try. “I want to do the inventory” he said not too sure of his choice.
“What? You want to do what?” said Kunikida with a confused look.
Dazai wasn’t sure if Kunikida was just surprised that he wanted to do the task that the brunette had been postponing for the last three weeks or if he hadn’t understood the word itself, so he tried again.
“I want to do the inventory today”
“You want to do something I get it, but what does ‘inventory’ mean?” asked Kunikida.
“Oh, sorry, i-n-v-e-n-t-o-r-y” seeing that Kunikida didn’t know what the word meant he spelled it hoping that he would understand.
In the few seconds it took Kunikida to decipher the spelling and take in the meaning of the word his face went through a shower of emotions. From confusion to realization, to surprise and confusion again, just to end up in disbelief as he spoke louder than he should in a library.
“You want to do what!?”
“The inventory, do I have to spell it again?”
“No no, but why?” asked Kunikida in utter disbelief.
“Because you ask me to do it”
“Dazai, I ask you to do it like three weeks ago…”
“And?” said nonchalantly.
“Well… never mind, wait here I’ll go for the key” sentenced Kunikida as he left to the employers" room.
When Kunikida returned, he signaled Dazai to follow him. The brunette did follow his coworker, but not before throwing one last glance over his shoulder to look at where Chuuya currently was. The redhead had his head resting on his shoulder, eyes slowly closing and opening again even slower, and his body immediately jerked up when he realized he was falling asleep.
It was cute if you ask Dazai, but why in the world would be Chuuya doing in the library if it was painfully obvious that the redhead wasn’t suited to study at this time of the day? He looked tired and, on top of that, he was just making things more difficult for Dazai’s plan of avoiding him.
Dazai would be lying if he denied the warm feeling that grew in his chest when he saw Chuuya at one of the tables of the library. However, the worries of Chuuya hating him and the fear of making a fool of himself again were a much stronger feeling that made ignoring the butterfly in his stomach much easier.
At some point, the brunette stopped walking, and he realized he was in front of a wooden door, at the far end of the library, labeled with a small golden plate where he could read ‘archives’ even if the tag was worn out.
Next to him, Kunikida was holding the key, probably labeled the same way as the door, and Dazai couldn’t help but wonder how he had gotten himself into this mess. The brunette had been avoiding this tedious task for weeks now, as Kunikida had pointed out, so how did he end up here anyway?
The last thing that Dazai would have imagined was to be the one asking to do it, instead of waiting until Kunikida got tired of his poor excuses and forced him to do the inventory once and for all. The worst thing was, that the one to blame for all of this was no other than a handsome redhead, now oblivious to everything, sitting a few meters away, fighting to stay awake as the time went by.
Suddenly, a waving hand brought Dazai back from his trance.
“Dazai are you with me?” asked Kunikida next to him.
“Yes, yes” Dazai said with a big smile as if he hadn’t been spacing out for the last few minutes.
After that, Kunikida opened the door. The brunette was finally able to finally confront the mess he had gotten himself into. The narrow but long room was full of shelves and cabinets containing a ridiculous number of books for the space that was the room. Surprisingly, everything was well-kept and organized, even though, if you bear in mind that Kunikida was in charge, is not that surprising at all.
The blond man explained how he was supposed to do the inventory. It was quite amusing seeing calm and collected Kunikida get frustrated as he tried to explain every detail in sign language even if he didn’t know how to do it yet.
The effort was much appreciated though, and every time Kunikida struggled with the signs while trying to talk to him was an opportunity to help him. The brunette wasn’t sure how to label his relationship, but even if he wouldn’t admit it out loud, Dazai was grateful for everything the blond man had done for him. So, he was more than happy to help whenever his coworker wanted to learn more signs, improving their communication.
After all, he had been working really hard to get as close as the brunette let him, always trying to make Dazai feel comfortable around him and even learning sign language for him, and that’s something not everyone was willing to put up with.
Don’t get him wrong, the brunette understands that going through the trouble that is himself is not something appealing for most people, it doesn’t have to be. That’s why, even if he understands and doesn’t take it to heart the lack of commitment, when someone is determined to get past that and make it easier for the brunette, he feels grateful and seen, even a little understood.
Kunikida left with a sarcastic ‘good luck’ after he managed to explain everything. Dazai found himself alone in a room full of books, which would have felt like a dream if it wasn’t because he had to write down the names of those books and classify them by genre.
At least, Kunikida had explained that he didn’t need to finish everything today. The blond man had told Dazai that he had until Thursday, but he recommended not to let a section in the middle before leaving.
Three hours later, Dazai had gone through nearly a quarter of the books in the archive, which made the brunette doubt about finishing any time soon. With his nose deep into a book, Dazai noticed neither the door opening nor the person who walked in.
The person by the door switched the lights off and on to catch Dazai’s attention, who looked up and immediately turned his head towards the door to see what was going on.
In front of him was one of his coworkers, Ranpo-san. The witty green-eyed man was a few years older than Dazai. Even if he had already finished his literature degree, Ranpo had decided to keep working at the university’s library.
If you ask Dazai, he thought that the tall and shy former teacher assistant, now substituting a teacher, had something to do with Ranpo’s choice of sticking around, but he wasn’t one to meddle with other’s affairs.
Ranpo was pointing at his phone, which, as if rehearsed, made Dazai close the book and grab his phone. He had three new messages, two from Odasaku and one from Ranpo that just said: ‘lunch break’.
The brunette gave his coworker a polite smile and then turned his face to the phone again, typing ‘I’ll go in a minute’, wishing that Ranpo would leave. To his misfortune, his coworker shook his head, after reading the text, just to send his answer: ‘Kunikida sent me to come and get you… he doesn’t trust you’. And with good reason, it wouldn’t be the first time he skips lunch.
It wasn’t weird to communicate through text messages, especially with his coworkers. It made communication easier for everyone, principally if they weren’t close enough for Dazai to be able to read their lips, or if the brunette had to say something more elaborate than a simple yes, no, or thank you.
After reading the last message, he finished annotating the book he had in his hand, put it back on the shelf, and walked to the door. When the brunette was close enough, he left with a quiet ‘thank you’ and slightly bowed his head, before reaching for the door.
“No problem” said Ranpo when the brunette had already left, before turning off the lights, one last time, and leaving.
Dazai left the archive way too conscious of his surroundings. The brunette double-checked before actually going out of the room, just to realize that Chuuya was no longer sitting where Dazai had seen him before.
A fact that, instead of easing Dazai’s nerves, only made him act wearier in case the redhead had decided to take a stroll around the library. Luckily Chuuya was nowhere to be seen. Releasing the air the brunette wasn’t conscious he had been holding, he exited the library and headed to his office.
Oda’s message, which he saw while talking to Ranpo, said that Ango had made enough food to feed a whole neighborhood, so, on his way to work, he had left a portion in the office. Well-knowing that the brunette probably wouldn’t go through the trouble of eating a proper meal if it depended on getting it himself.
When Dazai arrived at the office, he could see the lunch box, wrapped in a light blue cloth with little yellow ducklings, next to a thermos, which he guessed contained coffee. When the brunette got closer, he was able to read the sticky note on top, ‘Today is going to be great. Pd. Eat all your lunch’.
Dazai put the note in his pocket. Before leaving with his lunch, the brunette walked to the shelf next to the other desk in the room. Kunikida had forbidden him to have lunch at the office, and even if the brunette wasn’t too fond of listening to that particular rule, mainly during winter, today was a rather nice day to have lunch under the warm rays of the sun.
Returning to his desk empty-handed after no book had piqued his interest, Dazai put the thermos in his bag. With his lunch in one hand and the bag in the other, the brunette walked to the door. It was a perfect day to find a nice and not-too-crowded place where he could relax and rest before going back to work.
Their faculty had a square shape, with an inner courtyard that could be seen from the windows, and which could be accessed from different points. Walking to the east gate, Dazai passed the cafeteria, which also had an exit to the courtyard, that, if possible, the brunette preferred to avoid, because it always gets too packed, especially at this time of the day.
The brunette was not yet out when he stopped, dead in his tracks. In the distance, he could spot the top of a red hair accompanied by two other men Dazai was sure had seen before.
Frozen in his spot, too concentrated on the redhead, who hadn’t noticed him yet, the brunette took a couple of seconds to sense a pair of eyes piercing his skull. The moment he realized, his gaze jumped to the man on Chuuya’s right.
He was taller than Chuuya, which wasn’t hard considering the redhead’s height. He was wearing a leather jacket on top of a white t-shirt with a pattern the brunette couldn’t quite see from where he was standing, and, on top of that, his hair was a mess. The pretty blond color did nothing to help the number of tangles that made it seem like a nest rather than a mane.
Dazai finally snapped out of it when he saw Chuuya’s friend turning again, saying something to the redhead, and, as if the brunette had never been there, he was long gone before Albatross could put his gaze on him again.
His heartbeat was increasing dangerously, his lungs were burning, and his breath was caught up in his throat. Dazai couldn"t stop walking, even if his chest was rising and falling violently and his legs were on the verge of giving up, he had to keep walking until he was far from those green eyes, which, if he didn’t know any better, had assumed were looking past him.
On his quest to get away, the brunette realized he had been walking more around campus this last week than in all his years as a student. In the end, he decided to go to the rooftop. In his first year of college, the rooftop had been open and a free space for students.
Later, the access was prohibitedeverywhere, under the excuse that it wasn’t fully safe for students to be there, even if everyone knew that it was because students had been using it as a smoking area, which didn’t go well with the rules of their university.
But, even if it was a restricted zone, the oldest students knew a way of getting there without needing the janitor’s key, and luckily Dazai was one of them. When he got there, there was a group of students working on some kind of project or doing a study session, Dazai couldn’t decide which one it was.
Whatever they were doing, Dazai wasn’t going to be a bother. The brunette moved to his favorite spot, the back wall, where he could see everything and take shelter from the rays of the midday sun but still enjoy the warmth of the day.
When the brunette was done eating, he relaxed into the wall and closed his eyes, enjoying the cool breeze and letting all the stress from the last events of the day wash away. It was just normal to cross paths with Chuuya around campus, after all, they studied at the same place.
But even if Dazai was aware of that, and even if, deep down, he knew that Chuuya probably didn’t hold any resentment against himself, he couldn’t help but get nervous when he saw the redhead around. Wondering how he should act or what he should say, just to end up running away with an overheated brain.
Ten minutes before his shift started, Dazai returned to the office to drop the lunch box and set a reminder in his phone so he wouldn’t forget to come for it before leaving campus after work. After that, he started heading to the library to continue with his passionate and extremely fun task of counting books and writing down their names.
When he got back to the library, the brunette double-checked by the door if Chuuya was around, luckily, the redhead was nowhere to be seen. Kunikida gave him the key to the archive accompanied by a confused look due to his weird behavior.
By the time Kunikida entered the room, letting him know that his shift was over, the alarm the brunette had set to pick up his things, started vibrating in his back pocket.
Dazai had managed to finish half of the books in that infamous room, and he hoped to finish the rest of it tomorrow, that way he would have a spare day before the deadline, Kunikida had set him, in case there was any problem.
After everything that happened during the day, the brunette was exhausted. Not only did he have to spend all day in a small room surrounded by tall shelves full of books, but he also had been trying to avoid the Chuuya all day. Who would have thought that someone he had never met in all these years could appear everywhere he looked, and be everywhere he went?
The sun was slowly descending, a subtle warning of the approaching night. It wasn’t cold, but the sun’s rays no longer warmed the brunette’s body as they went through the hall’s windows. Dazai was ready to call it a day, but he had to drop off by his teacher’s office before heading to his apartment.
The stop at the office didn’t take much time, the brunette opened the door, grabbed the lunch box, and left. After locking the door, Dazai put the keys in his bag and walked toward the exit.
The main door was closer to Fukuzawa’s office than the library, that way, Dazai only had to pass by a few classrooms, often used for seminaries or large groups due to their bigger size compared with the others.
It had been a long day, and whether Dazai wanted to acknowledge it or not, he had been tensed since he saw the redhead that morning at the library. But, right now, Dazai walked completely unaware of his surroundings, in mind only the thought of arriving home and lying in bed.
Regardless of the unexpected encounter with Chuuya, which wasn’t an encounter at all because the redhead didn’t see Dazai whatsoever, the day unfolded normally. Hence, the brunette forgot about his morning worries and walked on autopilot following the routine he had established, at least, for the last two years.
That’s why, the sudden tug of his arm came as a surprise to the brunette, because who in the world would want something from him at this time of the day? He was right in front of the exit, nevertheless, a strong force was anchoring him, preventing him from taking a step forward.
The first thing that Dazai saw, after turning around, was the top of a redhead, bright as flames dancing over the embers. Trying not to get lost in the mesmerizing sight, the brunette moved his gaze further down, to find two troubled oceans looking right at him with a serious undertone, which didn’t help the brunette organize the racing thoughts in his mind.
In front of him, Chuuya was grabbing his arm. If the brunette hadn’t been so dumbfounded by his presence, he might have caught onto the surprise tints Chuuya’s eyes carried and noticed the small smile that was starting to form, despite the poor attempt of the redhead to hide it.
When the brunette realized what was happening, he turned around immediately, trying to pull away from Chuuya’s grip. Unfortunately, Chuuya didn’t let go despite Dazai’s attempts to shake him off.
Instead, the redhead tried to draw Dazai closer, or at least made the brunette watch in his direction, to no avail. In the end, Chuuya ended up grabbing Dazai’s collar and yanked him closer, that way, the brunette had no other option but to face Chuuya and cease his escape attempt.
That caught Dazai’s attention, who finally stood still as if he were a cat dazzled by the light of a car. An opportunity that the redhead didn’t let go to waste, organizing his thoughts and putting apology in motion.
As if rehearsed a hundred times, Chuuya let go of the brunette"s arm and stepped backward. Under his cautious gaze, the redhead took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When Chuuya opened them again, he apologized.
‘I’m sorry’ Chuuya said, and suddenly everything stopped. They were only two words, but Dazai was too stunned to react, let alone answer. Chuuya’s lips hadn’t moved whatsoever, but his hands were raised.
Dazai expected Chuuya to say anything, he was ready to read his lips, after all, if not to say something, what was the purpose of the redhead stopping him in the middle of the hall? But Chuuya didn’t use a voice Dazai couldn’t hear, instead, he moved his hands in a way the brunette was too familiar with. Chuuya had signed to him.
The boy he had been avoiding the whole day was now in front of him, signing for him, apologizing. Looking at him with false confidence, as his hands trembled, and the faintest shade of red curled up his cheeks. Dazai was astonished, words leaving his brain and refusing to come back, leaving him with no way to express the storm going on within himself.
Meanwhile, Chuuya was far from the calmness he usually carries. A million thoughts in his head tangling with each other and drowning him in his own doubts. Did he mess it up? Maybe he said something wrong, or maybe he didn’t sign it properly, but there were only two words and he had been practicing all night. Was he so stupid to mess it up again?
Anxiety started pooling on Chuuya’s stomach. The excitement when he had found Dazai and chased after him was long gone, now twisted in an arising panic. Wondering if he had made his situation worse, and tried to understand why the brunette was not saying anything at all.
In the end, Dazai snapped out of it first, after all, the redhead’s racing thoughts were starting to reflect on his face, and that didn’t go unnoticed by the brunette. Chuuya felt his world spinning the moment he had his legs forced to move, which he later realized was Dazai, pulling him, leading them outside.
Dazai stopped next to one of the lateral columns, at the top of the stairs from the main entrance of their campus. Once again, they found themselves in front of each other, not sharing a word between them yet, but at least Chuuya had escaped his maze of worries and Dazai could better process the thoughts in his head to have a conversation.
‘You know sign language?’ the brunette signed.
“Uhm… that… that was ‘sign’ but… uhm” Chuuya mumbled, unsure of what Dazai had signed.
The redhead tried to put meaning to what Dazai had said, reviewing, in his mind, the few signs he had looked up for his apology. The thought of being rude for not understanding the brunette started to dissipate when Dazai waved his hand in front of his face to catch his attention and looked at him with a kind smile.
“Do you ‘know’ ‘sign language’?” This time Dazai signed and talked in a really low voice.
“Oh! I looked up a few things after…” Chuuya averted his gaze, too embarrassed to admit that he had done it only with Dazai in mind.
“Hmm?” Dazai looked at him with a confused face with tints of curiosity.
“Sorry… I wanted to apologize for everything that happened these last days”
Dazai was captivated to see Chuuya speaking while signing the few words he knew, which weren’t a lot, but it was much more than anyone, besides Odasaku and Ango, had done to try to communicate with him. That led to the brunette"s turn to feel embarrassed.
The faintest red covered Dazai"s cheeks as he outed a ‘thanks’ and an ‘it doesn’t matter’ accompanied by their corresponding signs.
Now that he had the redhead so up close, Dazai could notice the small freckles scattered through Chuuya’s face, especially on his nose, where they seemed to congregate like little people trying to cross a bridge. Chuuya’s hair didn’t go unnoticed either, now looking like untamed tangles of curls kept with a pretty braid in a poor intent of containing them.
The brunette realized he was staring, a little too much, a little too indiscreet. Which only amused Chuuya, who by now, had regained some of his confidence and was a bit encouraged by Dazai’s eagerness.
“Did-”
“Did-”
After a few seconds of pure silence, both started talking at the same time, as if bearing the same thoughts of either wanting to start a conversation or trying to make the situation less awkward. In the end, Dazai let Chuuya continue first.
“Do you… uhm… Do you wanna grab some coffee… w-with me?”
To say that the brunette was surprised at the proposal would have been an understatement. Dazai could not believe what his eyes were reading, confused, thinking he might have understood it wrong. Even though, he dared to ask:
“Now?”
“Yes!” responded Chuuya, who after seeing the brunette’s confusion, added, “Well if you aren’t busy now, if not we can meet another day”
Dazai truly wasn’t sure if he was in a dream, a bad joke, a hidden camera program, or if he had just not caught the right words from Chuuya’s lips.
“With me?” asked the brunette.
“Huh?” now was Chuuya’s time of being confused.
“Coffee with me?” said Dazai, who only confused further the redhead.
“Huh!? Of course, with you silly, with whom else?
Dazai looked dumbfounded, after everything that had happened Chuuya still wanted to hang up with him. He wanted to grab a coffee together, to spend more time together, just the two of them, and even if Dazai wasn’t completely opposed to the idea, it still scared him.
Testing how far he could push, and seeing the hesitation on Dazai’s face, the redhead tried to stir things a little further by suggesting that a ‘coffee’ could be his way to apologize properly to the brunette, for everything he had to endure these last few days.
“No no, you don’t need to” the brunette had said.
“But I want to” responded Chuuya taking a step forward.
Their moment was interrupted when, from the same front door they exited in a rush, emerged one of Chuuya’s friends calling out for him.
“Lipman we are over here” the redhead said as he turned to face his friend.
“Chuuya class is about to start, you should return”
“But-“
“No buts, let’s go” Lipman said as he looked past Chuuya to spot a certain brunette looking at them confused.
“Agh… give me five minutes”
“Okay, whatever you say” he concluded as he turned and entered again.
Before being able to turn, the redhead was faced by Dazai, who had moved closer to his side and now demanded an explanation, with his gaze only, of what had just happened.
“Lipman came to let me know class is about to start” said Chuuya.
“You have classes now?” asked the brunette quite loudly for his usual tone, which surprised Chuuya who was now in front of him again.
“Yes, but that is not important I-”
“Is important… go go” interrupted Dazai, who now was pushing a most perplexed Chuuya who couldn’t believe the brunette’s sudden eagerness.
Chuuya wasn’t going to leave that easily, and he wasn’t going to miss another chance. Turning his feet and grabbing Dazai’s hand so he would stop pushing him, the redhead told him to wait.
“But-”
“No buts, give me five minutes”
And as quickly as he grabbed Dazai’s hands he let them go, turning again and heading toward the door, leaving an even more confused brunette to wait.
Dazai could have left, and it would have been a lie to deny that the idea hadn’t crossed his mind, but in the end, he decided to wait. Chuuya seemed in a hurry, and he had a lesson to attend, but he also said that he would be back in five minutes, so the brunette thought he could spare a bit of his time to wait for him.
After all, he had been ignoring the redhead all day and it seemed he had something he wanted to say, besides the apology of course, or maybe it was just an illusion of what Dazai wanted to see himself. However, no one had picked his interest in a while, and even if it made him a bit anxious, the curiosity to see where this could lead them was way stronger.
When the doors opened again, Dazai was met with a redhead carrying his backpack and holding a helmet with one hand, while the other was extended to the brunette.
“Let’s go” Chuuya said with the warmest smile Dazai had ever seen.