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It was an absolutely perfect day to go to the beach. Not only was it Saturday, but the weather had unexpectedly changed from drizzly and dismal to sunny and hot. Yes, absolutely perfect – which meant, of course, that everyone and his/her/their uncle had the same thought. And that meant that there were approximately three billion vehicles trying to get into the beach’s parking lot at the moment, give or take a few.
Stede sighed and drummed his fingers on his steering wheel. There were three lanes leading into the parking lot, and he’d thought that he’d selected the shortest one, but none of them seemed to be moving. The delay was giving him major second thoughts about this entire endeavour.
The more he thought about it – because what the hell else was he going to do while he was sitting here, stuck in the middle of a lineup of stationary cars – coming to the beach by himself seemed like a terrible idea. Maybe if he was a twenty-something, intent on “catching some waves” or “meeting some bros for brewskis” or whatever the hell twenty-something men did these days. But he was in his mid-forties, and he was starting to feel more and more foolish. Everyone was going to stare at the weirdo who’d come to the beach alone. They’d probably think that he was there to ogle them in their bathing suits and unsubtly masturbate under his towel.
On top of everything else, the air conditioning in his car had decided to conk out. He had every window cranked wide open, but with no movement, there was no airflow. Stede felt a drop of sweat trickle down his back, and he squirmed uncomfortably.
Oh, fuck it. I’m going home –
Just one problem with that idea. He was in the middle lane, flanked on both sides by a stand-still wall of vehicles, completely trapped. There was no way to turn his car around unless some kind soul in one of the flanking lanes would let him in.
Stede looked over his left shoulder and caught the eye of the driver one car-length behind. He pointed hopefully at the spot in front of the man’s car and mouthed “May I?”.
To his annoyance, the man – who resembled a bad-tempered badger – scowled at him and extended his middle finger. He mouthed “Fuck off” for good measure, just in case Stede was obtuse and didn’t know what that gesture meant.
“Well, really,” Stede fumed. He realized that his request had probably looked like he was trying to cut in rather than make a getaway, but even if he had, that didn’t merit getting sworn at. He felt moderately better when he noticed that the driver’s companion, a sweet-looking man with a white beard, was berating him. Good. Maybe he was scolding him for his bad manners.
Give him an earful for me, Santa.
He decided to try again with the driver to his right.
Maybe I’ll try breaking the ice first, just in case he’s an arsehole like that other fellow. Stede looked over his shoulder and held up his right hand, intending to wave cheerfully to try to get the driver’s attention …
… and his hand flopped uselessly on the end of his wrist, because DAMN.
This man wasn’t driving a car. He was driving a motorcycle – wait, did one “drive” a motorcycle? – and, from what Stede could see of him, he was devastatingly handsome. Long silvery-black hair, held down by a helmet. Full leather getup (fuck, that must be horribly hot on a day like this), chin stubble. Stede couldn’t see his eyes, because he was wearing sunglasses, but if they were anything like the rest of him –
“Oi! You want something, mate?”.
Oh. His poor excuse for a wave had gotten the man’s attention after all. Stede leaned over so that he could yell out of his open passenger-side window. “Hello, yes, sorry – I was just wondering if I could get between you and the car in front of you.”
The man frowned. “What for? I mean, I don’t mind – no skin off my arse – but this lane isn’t moving any faster than yours.”
“No, it’s not that – I’ve changed my mind about going to the beach, that’s all. I hoped that I could nip through your lane and go home.”
“What for?”, the man said again.
Stede was starting to feel a bit annoyed. This guy might be gorgeous, but Stede hadn’t anticipated a game of Twenty Questions. “I don’t mean to be impolite, but that’s none of your business.”
“Seems like it is my business, if you want to use my lane as an escape route.” The guy grinned at him.
Stede sighed irritably. “Never mind.” He looked over his left shoulder again, on the off chance that there was a different driver there who might take pity on him. No such luck. It was still Mr. Bad-Tempered Badger, and from the looks of things, he was engaged in a full-out shouting match with Mr. White Beard.
“I’m Ed, by the way.”
“Stede.” He grimaced as he felt another trickle of sweat. This one had come from his hairline and was making its way down his cheek. He swiped it away.
The car in front of Ed moved up slightly. He rolled forward until he was side-by-side with Stede. “All joking aside – if you’ve got an emergency of some kind that means you have to leave, mate, just say the word.”
“I don’t need to justify myself to you!”, Stede spluttered.
“No, you don’t, but if you’re about to have explosive diarrhea, that’ll be unfortunate –”.
“I don’t have explosive diarrhea!”.
Oops. That was a bit loud. Thank goodness everyone around me has their windows rolled up.
“It’s nothing like that,” Stede said, more quietly. “It’s just that I’ve had second thoughts.”
“Why?”.
What was it with Ed and all his bloody questions?
“Going to the beach on my own just seems pathetic, all right?”. He realized too late that Ed was on his own as well. “Um, I mean –”.
Ed’s lips quirked, but he didn’t mention Stede’s faux pas. Instead, he said “What’s wrong with going to the beach alone? Sit on the sand, read a book, eat a nice picnic, go for a swim … sounds like a great way to spend the day.”
That was, in fact, what Stede had planned, and it did sound great, but … “People might think I’m a pervert, though.”
Ed laughed out loud. “Are you?”.
“No!”.
“Then what the fuck do you care about what a bunch of strangers think of you?”.
“Well … huh.” That was actually a very good point. Why did he care?
Now I’m having third thoughts. Maybe I’ll stay after all –
Rumble rumble
“Holy shit,” Ed exclaimed. “Was that your stomach?”.
“You heard that?”, Stede said in dismay.
“Mate, I think you just scared a flock of geese into flying away. You hungry or something?”.
“Starving.” Stede glanced at the clock on his dashboard and groaned. “It’s already almost noon. By the time we actually make it into the parking lot, it’ll be long past lunchtime. If I get out of here, I can just eat the food I packed when I get home.”
That seemed like a very reasonable plan. Now he was up to fourth thoughts. If nothing else, he’d probably set the record for the number of times a person changed his mind in one day.
“What did you bring?”, Ed said, looking intrigued.
Yet another question, except that Stede didn’t mind this one, being a born foodie. “Chicken sandwiches with brie and mango chutney,” he said with enthusiasm. “Pink lemonade, and homemade chocolate chip cookies.”
Ed moaned. “Fuck, now you’re making me hungry. I didn’t pack anything, because I was planning to just visit the hot dog kiosk once I got there. Of course, it’ll probably have a huge lineup, too, and I’ll waste away to nothing before I get served.”
Stede hesitated.
“Don’t do it,” he argued with himself. “That’d be weird. You don’t even know this man.”
“Would you like to share my picnic?”.
Dammit, Stede.
Ed’s smile was pure pleasure. “Really? I would absolutely love that – but do you have enough?”.
“I always overpack,” Stede confessed. He threw his car into Park, popped his trunk, and climbed out to access his cooler. He was so intent on unwrapping the sandwiches, he didn’t notice when Ed applied his bike’s kickstand and stood beside him.
“Looks fucking delish, mate.”
“Oh!”. Stede squinted at him. “You startled me.”
Ed lifted his sunglasses. “Sorry.”
Stede suddenly lost the power of speech.
Yes, I was right about his eyes. Good heavens. They’re huge. Hypnotic.
“Quite all right,” he said awkwardly. “Here.” He handed over a sandwich.
Ed craned his head around Stede’s vehicle to check the status of the traffic. “Don’t think we’re moving anytime soon, so I’m going to try this right now.” He tapped his sandwich against Stede’s. “Cheers.”
“Cheers,” Stede said, and he watched Ed anxiously as he took a bite.
Ed’s eyes
(remarkable beautiful incredible eyes)
widened with appreciation. “Fuck me, you should be a chef with sarnie skills like that. I am impressed.”
“Thanks. I baked the bread, roasted the chicken, and made the chutney myself,” Stede said with pride. He tried his own sandwich and let out a tiny sigh of relief. It was good.
“No shit? Then mark me down as super impressed.” Ed looked him up and down as he chewed. “Doesn’t seem fair that you look like that and have culinary prowess.”
Stede blinked, feeling his entire face heat up in a way that had nothing to do with the scorching sun. “Aren’t you hot?”, he blurted, then he wanted to kick himself at what sounded like a completely inept attempt at flirtation.
Ed smirked. “Why yes, I am. Thank you for noticing . Or do you mean temperature-wise?”.
Arrrrgh. “You know that I meant temperature-wise,” Stede said crossly. “All that leather, on a day like this?”.
Ed’s eyebrows lifted. “You’ve never ridden a motorcycle, I take it.” He ate some more sandwich.
“Shockingly, no.”
There was that quirky smile again. “Leather provides protection while I’m riding, in case of an accident. I’m not planning to wear this once I’m on the beach. I’m going to strip off.”
“Oh.” Stede fiercely told himself that the words “strip off” were not making him imagine a mostly naked Ed. He stuffed his sandwich in his mouth before he could say anything else unfortunate.
The sound of engines starting up suddenly filled the air. “Oh, shit,” Ed said, quickly devouring the last of his sandwich. “I think we’re getting ready to roll. Thanks very much for that, Stede, it was amazing.”
“You’re welcome.”
Ed put his sunglasses back on and headed for his motorcycle, then he looked over his shoulder. “Hang on. You mentioned cookies?”.
“Chocolate chip, yes.”
“Fucking love chocolate chip cookies, mate. I’ve got a sweet tooth like you wouldn’t believe. So – if you change your mind about leaving – maybe come find me on the sand, yeah? I’ll be the one with all the tattoos.”
“Uh –”.
HOOONNNNNNK. “Hey! Blondie! Stop flirting with that guy and get back in your car!”, an indignant voice roared.
Stede let out an undignified squawk. He quickly put the cover back on his cooler, slammed his trunk shut, jumped back into his car, and shifted it from Park to Drive. Ed’s motorcycle revved off, and for a brief moment, there was a Stede-sized gap in the right-hand lane. Just big enough for someone who’d decided to forego the beach and go home instead.
Stede ignored it and drove forward, a slightly nervous but hopeful smile on his lips. Call this “fifth thoughts”, but this is the last time I’m changing my mind today.
Probably.
-----
Ed flipped over onto his stomach and groaned blissfully at the sensation of the sun and gentle breeze on his bare back. “Ahhh, that’s heaven.”
“Soooo, Ed – Izzy and I noticed that you seemed to be getting along pretty well with that blond fellah,” Fang said slyly.
“His name’s Stede, and yeah,” Ed said dreamily, his mind full of hazel eyes, floppy golden hair, and a dimpled smile.
Izzy snorted. “That twat? He tried to jump the queue, and I let him know in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t having any.”
“Yes, and I gave you royal hell for that,” Fang said with spirit. “There’s no need to be mean.”
“’Mean’, my arse. No-one cuts in front of me –”.
“He wasn’t trying to cut in front of you, Iz,” Ed said patiently. “Mind you, I owe you one.”
“How’d you figure?”.
“If you hadn’t been such a dick – don’t think that I didn’t see you flipping him off – I wouldn’t have gotten to eat the most delicious sandwich ever. I would’ve been stuck with one of those disgusting hot dogs, like you.”
Izzy flipped off Ed and shoved his sad excuse for a hot dog into his mouth. “Nothing wrong with this,” he said, trying his best to look as though he was enjoying a rubbery wiener and flabby soggy bun.
“Think you’re going to see Stede again, Ed?”, Fang asked.
“I sure hope so, mate,” Ed said, thinking of how unbelievably sexy Stede had looked in the shorts and tight t-shirt he was wearing. Legs. And arms. And also legs …
“You gonna text him?”.
“Oh, fuck,” Ed said with sudden horrified realization.
“You did get his number, right?”.
“Oh fuck!”.
“You didn’t? Damn, Ed, that’s not like you!”.
“Arrrrgh.” Ed rubbed his eyes and then cursed as he got sand in them. “I must’ve been distracted by the most delicious sandwich ever.”
Given to me by the most delicious man ever, with legs and arms and legs. Now it’s too late. He’s probably on his way home as we speak …
“Ahem. Ed?”.
“Stede?”. Ed raised his head with delight.
Then his brain short-circuited.
Stede had changed out of his shorts and t-shirt into a set of bathing trunks. They weren’t particularly skimpy, but they revealed a lot more of him, and DAMN.
Legs chest legs tummy legs legs
Bulge.
Ed scrambled into an upright position so fast, he bonked his head on his beach umbrella. “Motherfucker – I mean, good to see you, mate!”.
Stede held up his cooler. “I just wanted – oh.” His lip curled at the sight of Izzy. “It’s you.”
Izzy sneered back. “Yeah. Me.” He folded his arms, brows lowered in a pugnacious scowl.
“You were very rude, you know.”
“Hmph.” Izzy yelped as Ed kicked his shin and Fang flicked his earlobe. “Okay! I’m sorry! I was in a bad mood because it was taking so fucking long to get into the parking lot.”
“Yes, well –”. Stede gave a half-smile. “I was in a pretty awful mood myself. Truce?”.
“I s’pose – ow!”. Izzy rubbed his shin and glared at Ed. “The fuck, Ed?”.
Ed glared back. Stop being an ungracious shithead and be nice. I like this guy.
“Yes. Fine. Truce,” Izzy grumbled. “M’name’s Izzy.”
“I’m Stede.”
“I’m Fang, and you already know Ed. He’s told us all about you – ow!”. This time it was Fang’s turn to rub his shin. “What was that for, Ed?”.
More glaring. Stop making me sound uncool. I’m trying to be suave here.
Fang nodded knowingly and stood up. “C’mon, Izzy.”
“Where?”.
“We’re going for a swim.”
“We are?”.
“Yes. We are. A very long swim. We’ll be gone ages.” Fang pulled Izzy to his feet and began walking towards the water.
Izzy followed him, grousing about how he didn’t even want to go for a swim.
-----
Stede watched them leave, and he fought the absurd urge to call them back. He suddenly felt extremely shy to be alone with Ed, especially now that they were both wearing next to nothing. He wondered if it would look peculiar if he were to put his t-shirt back on.
“You gonna sit?”. Ed patted his blanket invitingly.
“Um …”, Stede faltered.
I thought you’d be on your own, like me.
You’re not.
Are either of those two guys your boyfriend?
Oh God, please don’t say that you’re dating Izzy.
He sighed glumly.
I lied. I’m changing my mind after all. I’m going to go.
Damn it.
“I don’t want to intrude.”
“You’re not intruding, Stede.”
“No, it’s fine,” Stede babbled, still standing. “You’d asked if I could bring you some cookies, and that’s why I’m here.”
“Cookies,” Ed repeated, frowning.
“That’s right. I’ll drop them off, then I’ll leave you to your day.”
“Now wait just one fucking minute. You also mentioned pink lemonade,” Ed said, deadpan. “You trying to hold out on me, Stede?”.
Stede blushed. “Oh. Right.” He put down his cooler, lifted the lid, and began to rummage.
An exasperated sigh. “Fuck, I must be losing my touch.”
“Hmm?”.
“Stede – I’m sure that those cookies and lemonade are the fucking bees’ knees, but that’s not why I asked you to come find me.”
Stede raised his head and smiled uncertainly. “Really?”.
“I wanted to see you again, you ridiculous man.”
“Oh. Does that mean that Izzy and Fang – neither of them are your –”.
Ed gaped. “Fuck, no. The two of them are a couple, but they’re just my friends. Some days they’re more like annoying older brothers, if I’m going to be honest.” He patted the blanket once more. “Please sit with me.”
This time, Stede took him up on it, smiling from ear to ear.
-----
“Can we get out of the water now? I’m fucking cold, and my fingers and toes are all pruney,” Izzy griped.
Fang shaded his eyes with his hand and squinted at the shoreline. “Not yet.”
“The fuck are we waiting for?”.
“For Ed to make his move. And … there he goes. That’s my boy,” Fang said with satisfaction. “Looks like Stede’s extremely into it.”
“Great. Fan-fucking-tastic.” Izzy began to make his way towards the shore, then he barked with annoyance as he felt himself held back by Fang’s fingers hooked in his waistband. “Now what?”.
“Give ‘em a few minutes. They’re not going to want an audience.” Fang shook an admonishing finger at his grumpy boyfriend. “Stop your sulking. Don’t you remember what it was like when you and I kissed for the first time?”.
Izzy smiled unwillingly. “Yeah, I do.”
Fang twinkled at him. “Feel like taking a trip down Memory Lane?”.
Izzy put his arms around him and pulled him close. “Yeah. I do.”