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“You don’t have to do this, you know?” Quinn spoke softly as though his words could shatter Bert. Maybe they could. After everything Bert had been through, Quinn wouldn’t be surprised if he was as fragile as porcelain. “You don’t owe them anything,” He assured him. They were headed up to Bert’s parents’ house to try to reconcile what was left of their relationship before they left town, escaping Utah forever to chase after fame.
They’d parked about five miles away from their house, fast food bags littered between them. Bert’s food had barely been picked at, a handful of fries missing, but nothing more. Bert had grabbed at Quinn’s hand instead of his food, clinging onto him like he was worried he’d float away if he didn’t ground himself. Quinn wasn’t used to him like this, bony hands desperately holding onto him and those wide eyes lit up with anxiety instead of excitement.
“I know I don’t owe them anything, man. But I owe it to myself, right?” He asked and Quinn felt like he wasn’t really supposed to answer that. “I don’t think I can live with myself if I don’t at least try before we fuck off out of here,” He admitted to him, Quinn nodded along to the words, trying to show that he was listening and he understood. He’d never been good with his emotions, but he wanted to show Bert that he was there for him.
“If you feel like you need to do this then I’ll be right there with you,” Quinn said after a few moments of considering what Bert needed to hear. That was probably the right thing. It was supportive, no matter what Bert decided to do. From everything he had said about his family, Quinn couldn’t quite understand why Bert would even want to reconnect. But what he did understand was that Bert was a vulnerable person, one who was nothing but raw emotions and someone who seemed a lot younger than he actually was.
Maybe it was the big doe eyes or the way Bert was far too skinny, years of living on the streets had been hard on him, but he still looked like just a kid. Quinn knew he wasn’t much younger than himself, but he felt the need to protect Bert. From the very day he met him, he knew he was always supposed to find Bert. There was no other way to explain it, being around Bert was like finding a missing piece of his own soul.
Bert was leaning over quickly, pressing their lips together at an awkward angle. It caught Quinn off guard and he didn’t react for a moment. Bert was pulling away and apologizing before his brain caught up to what was going on, but as soon as he was on the same page, he was dragging Bert back towards him. It felt natural to be doing this, not really feeling awkward or strange. His fingers dug carefully into Bert’s hair, holding onto him.
They stayed close together even after they broke away from the kiss, as close in each other’s personal space as they could be. Quinn slipped his hand out of Bert’s grasp and moved to hold onto his thigh instead. There were no ulterior motives behind it, he just wanted to hold onto him. His thumb rubbed against the fabric of his jeans and he stole a few more kisses from Bert in the meantime, neither of them in a rush to go anywhere.
Quinn was surprised by this newfound dynamic in their relationship. He hadn’t really considered Bert as a potential partner before, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want this. The way he felt about Bert was so different from anything he’d felt before. It wasn’t like it had been with any of his girlfriends. Bert made his heart do somersaults in his chest and his head feel like it was full of bees, swarming around his thoughts and making them all jumbled up.
Bert rested his head on Quinn’s shoulder and they stayed like that for a bit. Neither knew how much time had passed, but the silence was comfortable. It didn’t feel awkward or heavy, it felt content. The moon was out and bright in the sky, unobstructed by any clouds and when Quinn looked over, he could see it reflected in Bert’s bright eyes. There was something poetic about that and he’d have to remember it for a future song.
Quinn thought maybe Bert was going to decide against seeing his parents, after all. That maybe whatever piece of himself he was looking for in his family, he might be able to find it in Quinn instead. Maybe it was a selfish desire, but Quinn would keep it to himself. He genuinely would support Bert no matter what he wanted to do. A less selfish part of Quinn wanted to turn the RV around and drive them right back to where they’d come from.
They’d stop only long enough for Branden and Jepha to get on board, and then they’d be gone. They could disappear into the night and never have to come back to Provo or Orem or any part of fucking Utah ever again. He could take Bert far away from this place and they could simply run away together, taking care of Bert and being everything he needed. Everything he deserved, someone kind and gentle and accepting of every part of who Bert was.
“Just needed a kiss for good luck,” Bert whispered after what felt like forever, smiling at Quinn as he leaned back into his own seat. Quinn broke out into a laugh at the words, nodding a bit. “Let’s get this show on the road!” Bert clapped, seeming to regain a bit of confidence and that was the thing about Bert. Quinn might see him as porcelain and he’d definitely treat him as delicately as such, but he still had a lot to learn about Bert.