Work Text:
文豪ストレイドッグス © 朝霧カフカ/春河35
[ Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya ]
Alternate Universe - Canon Divergent
The cold breeze of Yokohama sea didn’t stop the citizens from doing their activity on that busy Sunday morning. All the things that happened for the past three months were a starting point of rebuilding the city. The government, the citizens, as well as the gifted organizations worked together to keep their beloved city safe.
Amongst the sea of humans, Dazai Osamu walked down the cloudy street, with a grocery bag in his left hand. The alleys that were usually full of thugs were empty. They were filled with empty bottles of alcohol. Dazai stood there, looking at the empty alley with a bottle of whiskey rocking and rolling down. His eyes were empty too, just like the bottle and alley, as his mind traveled through time.
Oi, shitty Dazai! You really have no taste in music. Rock is clearly the best genre!
Bring me to your favorite bar. What’s the name again? Can you really drink alcohol, huh?
You really think that Oda can make it out alive from the Port Mafia?
A sigh escaped his lips and he continued walking back to his apartment in silence, letting all the buzzing noise of the city fill his ears. He needed that, those sounds, to distract his mind. He did not want to remember about the past, that one thing that would hurt him for the rest of his life.
Arriving at the apartment, Dazai quietly closed the door. A soft meow could be heard inside, welcoming Dazai home. An orange munchkin came closer and bumped his head to Dazai’s legs. The brunette put the groceries on the counter and gave his attention to the little cat.
“Hi, Pete.” Dazai greeted the cat and picked it up.
A meow came again and Dazai realized that his apartment was messed up. Similar scenes like the empty alley could be seen. Empty wine and whiskey bottles filled the room.
“Am I just becoming like you …?” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his ears at all.
Dazai brought the cat to his room, putting it down on his bed. The bone white colored room looked dull. Most of the plants inside the apartment dried and died. Trashes were starting to pile up in the corner of the room.
After a week, Dazai finally took a broom and a dustpan. Slowly, he started to sweep the floor. The silence in the apartment was deafening. He could hear the tick-tock from the clock, the buzzing noise from the air conditioner, and even his own heartbeat that beat slower than usual.
It was an ordinary day.
Yet, the slow heartbeat reminded him that a huge gaping hole was there in his heart. It was supposed to be him there, who was no longer here.
All the cleaning and organizing drained Dazai’s energy. Even though he was extremely tired, Dazai was not someone who easily fell asleep. His previous job in the Mafia and his current job in the Armed Detective Agency required him to stay alert all the time.
Yet, here he was, lying down on his bed, closing his eyes. No, he was not trying to sleep. He tried to listen to the voice in his head. The voice that he wished he never forgot until the end of his life.
His voice.
Dazai didn’t mind at all to get scolded and insulted, or go through their usual banters, if he could hear that raspy but high-pitched voice one more time. Besides their bickering, they were partners that trusted their lives into each other’s hand. They spent most of their time together, whether inside or outside the mission, sharing about their tastes and interests, which sometimes would lead them to have different opinions.
He cared for others, but he was not the type who expressed it using words. Action was his way to show that. Sometimes, this left the person around him wondering whether he really cared or not.
But he did. He did care.
The fuck are you eating? Spit it out, you dumbass!
So fucking weak, feeling defeated like that. Heh, definitely not the Dazai Osamu I know.
Pete’s meow made him show his dark brown eyes. The cat’s meow filled with distress, like something was bothering it. It climbed on the bed and snuggled in fear.
“There, there.” He whispered. His hand patted the cat.
His eyes darted from the trembling cat to the plants near the window. They weren’t as fresh as before since Dazai was not the one who really knew how to take care of plants. The sky started getting darker and darker when Dazai stared at the window. It hadn’t reached half of the day, yet the sky was gloomy and the cold breeze turned into harsh wind.
The sound of thunder snapped and Pete jumped from its original position, meowing loudly and trying to find comfort on Dazai’s arm. Little did it know that Dazai himself really needed comfort, shown from his trembling hands.
DING … DING DING DING.
“That bell pattern ….”
Dazai would never forget how that man rang a bell when he visited Dazai’s apartment. It was a unique pattern that no other person used, except him . The longing in his heart couldn’t be contained anymore. Dazai waited and waited, having that tiny hope he might come back to live together. As the door opened, Dazai looked and found Atsushi standing in front of the door, not the person Dazai expected to be there.
“Dazai-san.” The were-tiger called his name.
“Atsushi? What are you doing here?” Dazai asked. He didn’t recall having a meeting today in the agency, so why did the were-tiger come to his apartment?
“I … I just want to visit.” He said, a little timidly.
Very Atsushi-like answer.
With a heavy heart, Dazai closed the door. Of course, it was not him. There was no way it was him.
“Come in, then.” Dazai let the younger one come inside.
Dazai noticed that Atsushi was scanning his apartment, probably trying to find things that could drive Dazai to do his crazy action . Then, Atsushi opened his mouth, “That cat …, I didn’t recall you having a cat, Dazai-san.”
“It was … not mine. The owner left it here.”
That orange fur and little legs reminded Atsushi of someone; someone close to Dazai. Atsushi quickly understood who Dazai was referring to. “How are you, Dazai-san?”
“Me? I’m doing just fine.” Dazai shrugged.
Atsushi looked hesitant. He wanted to say something, saying that what Dazai just told him wasn’t true. Dazai looked anything but fine. Atsushi kept opening and closing his mouth, trying to find words that would not hurt Dazai.
“Does Shachou ask you to come?”
“A-Ah.” From what Atsushi looked like, Dazai knew he hit the jackpot. “Shachou did, but I do want to come here too.”
“Why?”
“To check on you.” Atsushi replied. “You know that you are not alone, Dazai-san.”
“No one could replace him.” A hint of sadness was heard. Atsushi definitely didn’t miss that.
“I know, but you still have us to share your burden and story.” Atsushi didn’t move from his position. He knew Dazai needed comfort, but he respected Dazai’s space. “Do you … miss him?”
“Definitely. I’ve known him since forever.” Dazai let out a pained chuckle; eyes showing distressed. “I know that I miss him. It was obvious, truly, but ….”
“But?”
“I don’t know the feeling inside my chest.” Dazai looked at his hand and he swore he could see the blood from that night. “It hurts so much. I can die from the pain.”
The storm that day was enormous, destroying both living and non-living things. The vortex was walking towards the city as thunder roared. Screams of terror from the people were like melodies in his ears. It was a mesmerizing sight, but that sight cost him his life. The way his body fell down from the sky, the way his ginger hair moved because of the wind, the way his blood seeped from Dazai’s hand. Every inch of him left scars on his heart.
“As much as we like to bicker, I don’t want to lose him.” Dazai whispered. “I don’t—”
“Dazai-san ….”
The next second, Dazai was gasping for air, letting all the emotions he had bottled up for the past 6 months after the storm calmed down, Atsushi finally scooted closer and brought the older one into his embrace. He didn’t mind that his shirt got stained by Dazai’s tears. His mentor’s well being was far more important than a mere shirt. Atsushi (and everyone Dazai knew) had known what Dazai felt all this time, but they never got the courage to say it, because they knew that Dazai would completely break down.
It was—no, is love. It is love all along.
You love him. You love Chuuya-san.
= END =