romanticizing mister bridgerton

Felicity: And you know what Hy?
hyacinth: what, felicity?
Felicity: After Geoffrey helped me and Penelope move my stuff out of my dorm last year, Penelope pulled me aside and told me that she thought he was a keeper.
hyacinth: wow, felicity! what an interesting insight into what your sister values in a partner
hyacinth: i, for one, am learning a lot about penelope in this exchange
Felicity: Yes, not a lot of people know this about her!
colin: can you both please get back to work
A look at the Bridgerton family (& co.) group chats as they engage in a casual little wager over Colin and his good friend, Penelope Featherington.

Notes:

For sofiyathealmostwriter.

was eagerly following this fic over two and a half years ago, and while i’d noticed the author refer to the fourth book in the bridgerton series as romanticizing mister bridgerton in the endnotes, it wasn’t like it was a big deal, and i anyways didn’t think i knew them well enough to say it was romancing without it being a bit awkward
i’m telling you that because this fic is dedicated to that author, and it's a special thing to me – both being her friend, and realizing, from that, how long we've known each other now.
also because we've since come to the conclusion that "romanticizing" is a much more fitting title for the book.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

5:13pm, Fri 14 Mar – from: Penelope, to: eloise

Penelope: Hey!

Penelope: I am so sorry, but I think I might be a little late to dinner tonight

eloise: unforgivable.

Penelope: 😭

Penelope: No really

Penelope: Was on my way over when I realised I’d left my laptop charger at Danbury Publishing

Penelope: Had to rush back to the office before anyone locked up for good

eloise: don’t worry lol

eloise: I’m probably gonna be late too

eloise: met up with edwina and there was so much to catch up on, we fully lost track of time

eloise: you are not gonna BELIEVE what she told me by the way

eloise: think it’s meant to be a secret for the time being but I was bowled

eloise: like I have to tell someone

Penelope: !!!!

Penelope: Has Jyoti popped the question?

eloise: …no

eloise: 😭😭 I see how it sounded like I was gearing up to say that, but no

eloise: though kate did tell me that jyoti got her hands on a ring last month, so soon probably!

eloise: no edwina told me colin is coming home next week

eloise: colin!!

Penelope: That’s also nice! 😊

Penelope: Where was he again?

Penelope: Completely forgot

5:16pm, Fri 14 Mar – from: 07700 900308, to: Penelope

07700 900308: This is a reminder from your public library. Your copy of A BRIEF HISTORY OF GREECE is due in 3 days. Please log in to your library account or visit your local branch if you would like to renew this loan.

5:17pm, Fri 14 Mar – from: eloise, to: Penelope

eloise: greece!

Penelope: That’s right

Penelope: Is it such a surprise he’s flying in? Your mum’s birthday is coming up

eloise: no no you don’t understand

eloise: I figured he’d drop in next month, for like the weekend or something

eloise: but edwina said

eloise: that colin asked her

eloise: for jyoti’s contact info

Penelope: I don’t think I’m following

eloise: jyoti works in real estate!!

eloise: as in

eloise: if he’s reaching out to edwina’s girlfriend to help him find a flat

eloise: then he’s probably staying for longer than just a month or two

[Penelope emphasized a message: then he’s probably staying for longer than just a month or two]

Penelope: Okay, that is big news!

eloise: I’m saying!!!

eloise: but again you’re the only one I’m telling this to

eloise: if I heard from edwina then there’s no way he’s told mum yet

Penelope: Not a word from me at dinner!

Penelope: Also please let her, Fran, and Hyacinth know they don’t have to wait on me

Penelope: Just grabbed my laptop charger, but I still have to stop in at Sainsbury’s and pick up a bottle of wine

eloise: you do notttt need to bring anything bro

eloise: and before you tell me “it’s the polite thing to do,” might I add that my mother would say the same

eloise: you’re basically family

Penelope: I’ll be so quick about it!

Penelope: Watch, I’ll cut across Berkeley Square

7:56am, Sat 15 Mar – everyone please text here instead of the family group chat because colin’s cell phone plan doesn’t have the best coverage and sometimes it costs him £4.99 per text or something like that

[Sophie sent a link]

Sophie: Look who was mentioned this morning!

8:02am, Sat 15 Mar – from: Violet, to: colin

Violet: So happy to see your face soon, dear. 😘

8:10am, Sat 15 Mar – from: Anthony, to: colin

Anthony: Have you arranged for a ride from Heathrow next weekend yet?

Anthony: I know you only ever think of that detail last-minute, so let me know.

Anthony: Ned’s team has a match next Saturday, but if you’re landing any time before noon, I can come and pick you up.

8:23am, Sat 15 Mar – from: Daphne, to: colin

[Daphne sent a photo]

Daphne: The welcome home brigade! ❤️

Daphne: (David didn’t want to pose for the picture, I’m sorry)

Daphne: (He’s going through a phase)

8:27am, Sat 15 Mar – from: hyacinth, to: colin

hyacinth: colander

hyacinth: hate to be the bearer of bad news but before you get here you should know that greg was using the printer in your room and broke it

hyacinth: like it was unfixable :( we had to toss it

8:33am, Sat 15 Mar – from: gregory, to: colin

gregory: hyacinth’s probably gonna tell you i did something to your printer and if she does know that she literally just took it from your room and didn’t want to give it back

8:40am, Sat 15 Mar – from: Kate, to: colin

Kate: Colin!!

Kate: Looking forward to seeing you soon

Kate: Btw you’ve been to Maitre Choux before right?

Kate: Also Anthony is asking me to ask you to reply to him

9:05am, Sat 15 Mar – from: Francesca, to: colin

Francesca: 🎉

colin: bruh

colin: what is going on

Francesca: What do you mean?

colin: 😭

colin: i mean i was planning on ringing mum later today to give her a heads up about something, only to wake up and find out that she and everyone else already knows about it?

colin: can’t imagine i did it and forgot

colin: unless i’ve started sleepwalking

colin: it’s possible but

[Francesca sent a link]

colin: ah.

colin: ykw this should’ve been my first guess.

Francesca: Were you trying to surprise us? I don’t think anyone really minded learning from Whistledown

Francesca: They’re really excited actually

Francesca: Which is great for me because the attention’s been diverted to you for now

Francesca: Two weeks ago I was having to talk Daphne down from throwing a dinner party for me

colin: like what, like for your birthday?

colin: or for the sake of you being in town

Francesca: The latter

Francesca: Because it “doesn’t happen often enough”

colin: hey now

colin: you’ve been back home much more recently than i have

Francesca: I pointed this out several times

Francesca: To no avail

colin: bringing souvenir spoons from every place i’ve been must simply mean nothing to her

colin: simply nothing!

colin: 😪

Francesca: No see

Francesca: The real secret to having people go out of their way to do nice things for you is to be a widow

Francesca: It’s the pity that compels them

Francesca: Extra pity points if you’re not even 30

colin: rats

colin: just missed the window by three years then

[Francesca laughed at a message: just missed the window by three years then]

Francesca: Also Anthony is asking me to ask you to reply to him

9:15am, Sat 15 Mar – from: colin, to: Edwina

colin: did you happen to tell anyone about me flying to london next week?

Edwina: Just Eloise!

Edwina: Asked her to bubble tea yesterday, hadn’t seen her in ages

Edwina: Was I not supposed to mention it?

Edwina: That’s totally my bad, I didn’t realise it was a secret

colin: no you’re fine!

colin: it wasn’t a secret, really

colin: was just wondering

7:12am, Sun 16 Mar – Featherington Family GC

[Portia sent a link]

Portia: Did you all catch this? From yesterday?

Penelope: I did

Phillipa: Hubs read it to me while I was brushing my teeth last night

Prudence: We get it, you’re married

Portia: Felicity, you saw as well?

Felicity: Me?

Felicity: Yeah, why?

Portia: No, I was just asking. Since a good friend of yours was mentioned, I thought it’d be of interest to you!

7:14am, Sun 16 Mar – Featheringhuns

Phillipa: I didn’t realise Felicity and Colin were ever considered good friends

Felicity: That’s ok, neither did I 😭

3:53pm, Mon 17 Mar – Marrieds

Daphne: Hmm

Benedict: Hmm?

Daphne: Hmm

Benedict: Are you planning to elaborate

Daphne: Wasn’t Colin supposed to be in Greece for six months?

Daphne: Because it’s not even been five, and it sounds like he’s already wrapped assignment?

Benedict: I thought he left for Athens in September? Can’t remember exactly

Benedict: Neither of you told me how quickly two toddlers will scramble your memory

Daphne: I don’t think that was your having children, I think that was a delayed result of those couple of years you did literally any drug that was offered to you

Benedict: Says you

Daphne: I just don’t forget things the way you do!

Anthony: They sent him there end of October.

Anthony: So, yes, less than five months.

Daphne: Hmm

3:55pm, Mon 17 Mar – Fantastic Four

Daphne: So when am I supposed to be getting filled in?

colin: that’s between you and your husband

Benedict: Audibly groaned at that one

colin: good that’s never not the goal

[Daphne disliked a message: that’s between you and your husband]

Daphne: What have I done to deserve snark today

colin: nothing

colin: sorry

colin: what was i supposed to fill you in on?

Daphne: What’s happened with Nat Geo?

Daphne: Why are they posting you in the UK all of a sudden?

colin: oh, that

colin: they aren’t posting me anywhere actually

colin: just decided it was time to move on so i put in my two weeks… a week ago

Anthony: You did?

Daphne: A week ago? As in, seven days ago?

colin: just about, yeah

Benedict: Are you just messing

Benedict: Or did you really

colin: yes i’ve quit my job and decided to fly home just to mess with you.

Benedict: No it’s just – what’s suddenly made it time to move on?

Benedict: Did you just want out of the gig? Or is there something in London?

colin: lots of things in london

colin: the original madame tussauds, for one

colin: you live there ben, you should know

Anthony: No really, why did you give up before finishing out Greece?

Anthony: What was the thinking there?

colin: are your hands on your hips right now

Anthony: No.

colin: are you lying

colin: i feel like you’re lying

colin: distance really makes the heart grow fonder cause why am i smiling picturing you with your hands on your hips

Anthony: No, Colin, they aren’t on my hips because I have my cell in hand and I’m busy texting you to ask why you’re springing big news on us just like that.

colin: alibi checks out ig </3

colin: and you don’t have to believe me but it wasn’t as impulsive as it sounds

colin: nor did i mean to worry you over it

colin: in fact you shouldn't worry. got a lot planned for when i get back 👌

colin: first plans being interrogating daphne as to why she’s never thrown me any kind of welcome home shindig before

Daphne: …you heard about Fran

colin: i did

Daphne: It was only a ploy to set her up with someone, and she didn’t let me do it in the end!

colin: well i was still very shocked to hear about it

colin: ur favouritism has really come to light here

Daphne: Nooo I’m sorry! 😢

Daphne: Know nothing was meant by it!!

Daphne: Obviously I’m very excited to see you soon, but I’m also not exaggerating, there is no time in the coming month

Daphne: So many birthdays in April

Daphne: Mum’s 65th! We’re still in the midst of planning

Daphne: Hyacinth’s got her internship with Danbury, on top of school

Daphne: Will and Alice’s new bar is opening up soon, and we’re trying to go as soon as we can

Anthony: Gregory is coaching Ned’s football team.

Daphne: There’s that!

Daphne: Simon and I can’t even host very many people yet! We wanted to renovate our yard, and we thought it’d be done by now, but the contractor is taking forever with the firepit

Daphne: Everyone is just so, so tied up

Daphne: Otherwise I’d gladly do something for you

Benedict: You know he only said that so he didn’t have to answer Anthony’s question right

9:41am, Sat 22 Mar – Thunderbolts

Kate: Are you starting Ned today?

gregory: i thought we talked about this after practice

Kate: We did, and I thought you were out of your mind

Kate: He’s the best player on the team!

Kate: He knows how to juggle!

gregory: i know he does!

gregory: he’s our mvp

gregory: but i’ve also put him in as starting forward three weeks in a row, and i have to give the other kids equal playing time

gregory: can’t have the other parents thinking i play favourites

Kate: It’s like you don’t even want the team to win

gregory: not as much as i want them to have fun and understand the importance of teamwork! 🤞

Kate: 😒

7:02am, Mon 24 Mar – Number Five

Violet: Hyacinth? How do I add someone to an existing thread?

hyacinth: i got u

[hyacinth added colin to “Number Five”]

Violet: Thank you.

Violet: Colin dear, just know that we’ve moved our second fridge to the garage.

[colin liked a message: Colin dear, just know that we’ve moved our second fridge to the garage.]

hyacinth: yes and also colin you should know that greg borrowed your speaker and then lost it 💔

colin: how many things of mine have you stolen since the last time i was home

colin: just approximate the number for me

hyacinth: i JUST said it was greg who did it

hyacinth: are u calling me a liar

colin: you’re kind of forcing me to?

hyacinth: youre not here a cumulative eleven months of the year bruv

hyacinth: if you wanted your things so bad maybe you should’ve taken them with you js 🤷♀️

colin: can’t really take everything i care about with me everywhere i go

hyacinth: excuses

colin: ridiculous, hyacinth.

colin: i’m getting my speaker back

hyacinth: stay away from my room!!!

hyacinth: i’m NOT afraid to spray you in the face with bug repellent

colin: that’s also mine!! was wondering why it was missing from my travel kit when i got to athens

colin: give it back

hyacinth: what do you even need it for now

colin: what would you even need it for at all!?

hyacinth: for when ppl bug me

hyacinth: get it?

hyacinth: colin STOP

hyacinth: i’m locking the door

hyacinth: how old are you even

colin: how old am i??

colin: how old are YOU?

colin: stop taking my stuff!

colin: you are not little enough for this to be cute anymore!!

hyacinth: mum!!!!!

hyacinth: he’s trying to break in!!!!!!!

hyacinth: TELL HIM TO STOP

7:10am, Mon 24 Mar – Book Club

Mary: Anthony told us Colin got in on Saturday! Must be nice having him back, Violet 😊

Violet: It’s certainly a lot less quiet than it was a week ago.

Mary: It’s only him and Hyacinth with you now, isn’t it?

Violet: Correct.

Portia: Violet, that reminds me – I have a little something I wanted to drop off at yours, would you mind if I stopped by?

Violet: Sure, I’ll be home.

7:13am, Mon 24 Mar – Featherington Family Group Chat

Portia: Planning on stopping by Number Five soon. Felicity, would you want to come with me?

Felicity: Can’t! Sorry Mum

Felicity: I’m on page 6 of a ten-page paper right now

Portia: Can’t you finish that once we get back?

Felicity: 🥸

Felicity: It’s due in less than an hour

Penelope: Felicity!

Felicity: I’m getting it done!!!

Felicity: But soon as I turn it in, I’ll have to leave for Danbury Publishing, so I anyways can’t come

Portia: What about after you get back from your internship? I’m sure Hyacinth and Colin will both be home, and when was the last time you saw Colin?

7:15am, Mon 24 Mar – Featheringhuns

Felicity: Will someone just quickly remind her that I have a boyfriend

8:49am, Mon 24 Mar – office goss

Felicity: I thought all-staff meeting was at 9?

hyacinth: it was

hyacinth: it got pushed to 10 because danbury had a visitor

Felicity: Your real bff is here?

[hyacinth disliked a message: Your real bff is here?]

hyacinth: just because he’s her grandson doesn’t mean we should all have to work around his schedule

Felicity: I can tell you’re annoyed because you just typed out the entire word “because”

Felicity: Is this because he called you short last time he dropped by

hyacinth: and what if it was

hyacinth: i’m not even short like?

Felicity: To him you probably are?

hyacinth: yea but i’m not SHORT short

hyacinth: i’m not like penelope

Penelope: Hey!

hyacinth: sorry

hyacinth: you never look at this chat i didn’t think u were gonna see that 🤥

1:17pm, Tues 25 Mar – In-Laws

[Kate added eloise to “In-Laws”]

Kate: Eloise – you're an unbiased party.

Kate: Settle this for us

Kate: Which bakery is superior, Maitre Choux or Aux Pains?

Sophie: (It’s Aux Pains)

Kate: It’s Maitre Choux!

Kate: Simon claims he doesn’t have an opinion on this, so help us out

Simon: Not my fault

Simon: Not been to either place in years

Kate: Baldfaced, you just didn’t want to break the tie

eloise: what is this for?

Sophie: Daphne is arranging for a cake for your Mum’s 65th, but she said it’s more for the display than for people to actually eat!

Sophie: So she asked us if we could figure out other desserts we could have catered

eloise: got you

eloise: been a while but I feel like the last time we were at aux pains, penelope said she found her pastry kinda dry? so I think I’ll have to go with maitre choux

Kate: YES

Kate: You saw how quick that was, Simon?

Simon: All you’re doing is reaffirming that my staying out of it was the right choice

Sophie: Eloise, Aux Pains is good though! 😔

eloise: I’m sorry soph!

eloise: executive decision, it wasn’t personal

11:46pm, Weds 26 Mar – from: Portia, to: Violet

Portia: Violet, did you want to meet me at mine or should I plan to meet you at yours?

Violet: Sorry, did we have plans today?

Portia: I thought so. You mentioned on Monday that you were also free and at home on Wednesdays, and I'd said to you that we should do lunch.

Violet: Oh. Yes, okay.

Violet: I do remember that.

Violet: I apologise, I thought you'd just meant we'd lunch some Wednesday in the vague future. Not that we were doing it today.

Violet: But if you're free, and I’ve already told you I'm free

Violet: Then I don't really know how I can say no to that.

3:33pm, Weds 26 Mar – Moo

eloise: is colin seeing someone

eloise: idc but mum asked me, and like

eloise: fuck if I know, he only just got back

eloise: but I figured I would ask you guys before I reply to her

Benedict: I’m taking it Daphne and Fran both don’t know

eloise: nada

eloise: actually daff didn't even say no, she asked me to ask penelope

eloise: but like ??? because if I don’t know, how would pen?

3:35pm, Weds 26 Mar – from: Benedict, to: Anthony

Benedict: Just zero discretion... 😭

Anthony: From Daff?

Benedict: Yes

Benedict: Asking her about Penelope

Benedict: As if she’s clocked that, I mean

3:35pm, Weds 26 Mar – Moo

Benedict: Well why did Mum think Colin’s seeing anyone at all?

Benedict: Because he’s at home for now?

eloise: that might be part of it? but I dunno

eloise: she just said he’s acting a bit different

Anthony: He is.

eloise: seeing someone?

Anthony: No. Acting differently.

Anthony: Only a little, but you'll have to maybe see him in-person to notice.

6:15am, Thurs 27 Mar – Number Five

colin: there is no reason i should be hearing your alarm from here

colin: no reason.

hyacinth: senioritis is a real thing bruv

hyacinth: ask felicity she has it worse than me

colin: ok. you’re clearly up though so just turn it off.

hyacinth: sure but don’t be mad when the next one goes off

colin: when does the next one go off

hyacinth: 🐺

colin: hyacinth i’m so tired man

colin: like i will pay you to wake up if it means you don’t keep letting these ring

hyacinth: pay me how? you don’t have the income coming in anymore

hyacinth: MUM

hyacinth: he’s in my room AGAIN

hyacinth: i’m not doing anything

hyacinth: just turning the alarm she’s not using off

hyacinth: see? giving her her phone back now

hyacinth: you dgi i have to set up multiple to function

hyacinth: it's called soft launching into consciousness 😫😫

hyacinth: MUM can you please tell him to stop barging into my room!!!!!

8:18am, Thurs 27 Mar – from: Violet, to: Daphne

Violet: I need you to do me a favour.

Violet: In case anyone asks you, I am at your house right now. To check out your new firepit.

Daphne: Firepit’s not done yet!

Daphne: I actually have to try and call the contractor today. His name is Augie and he’s SO hard to get ahold of

Violet: That’s fine. I just need to pretend I’m with you, so no one bothers me for a few hours.

Daphne: Okay! Though when you say “anyone,” who is it exactly that you need me to lie to?

Daphne: Hyacinth? Colin?

Daphne: Mrs. Featherington?

Violet: Yes.

9:14am, Thurs 27 Mar – office goss

Felicity: Penelopeeeee

Felicity: Are you leaving to get food 😇

Penelope: Did you not eat breakfast?

Felicity: I was taking an online quiz for class

Felicity: But also I knew I was going to see you later, and you have a purse

hyacinth: i, too, skipped breakfast 😇

hyacinth: didn’t have a quiz, i j live with colin now

Felicity: Colin ATE your breakfast?

hyacinth: no we’re just beefing

hyacinth: how do u look an enemy in the eye over a bowl of shreddies and remain srs about the beef

hyacinth: you can’t

Penelope: Headed out to meet an author about their manuscript for brunch, I’ll bring you both back takeaway

hyacinth: ledge tyyyy

Felicity: Which manuscript?

Penelope: Butterworth

Penelope: Final draft was due a couple weeks ago, but I don’t have it yet, so I’m trying to jog her along

Felicity: Is this the graphic novel?

Penelope: It is

Penelope: The bits I’ve read are very interesting, for sure

hyacinth: “interesting” sfldkjfslj she doesn’t like the book

Felicity: I heard Danbury picked this one out for pub herself

hyacinth: ouuuu

hyacinth: say it with me

hyacinth: ouuuu

Felicity: Ouuuu

hyacinth: penelope, are u questioning danbury’s judgement?

Penelope: I would never do that!

Penelope: Except when it came to letting you both intern here at the same time

Penelope: That was an interesting choice

hyacinth: dont play you love us

1:23pm, Thurs 27 Mar – Team Basset

Alice: Heard you’re finally making the transition to orthopaedic shoes
[sent with Balloons]

Simon: Balloons?

Will: She's celebrating your old age 😂

Simon: We are all three the same age 😒

Simon: Also, who’s told you about my shoes? I only unpackaged them in front of Daphne and

Simon: Colin.

Simon: Never mind, realised in the middle of typing how this got out.

Will: Yeah he swung by the place today

Alice: Don’t think he had a lot going on because he ended up spending the afternoon helping us unpack glassware

Will: Nice guy

Will: Steadfast gossip, but nice guy

Simon: Did he happen to say anything about Greece?

Alice: Greece...? No not really

Alice: Why do you ask

Simon: No, nothing

Simon: Daphne’s just been wondering, and I don’t think he’s really said much about his wanting to be home other than it feeling like it was time to come back

Will: Does he have to say more than that?

Will: That’s as good a reason as any, isn’t it?

11:34am, Fri 28 Mar – office goss

Felicity: Is it someone’s birthday today? There’s a cake in the breakroom

hyacinth: is there a name on it?

Felicity: No, it’s blank

hyacinth: maybe someone’s dying

Penelope: No one’s dying

Penelope: Why would you even suggest that?

hyacinth: idk no piping just feels ominous

Penelope: Today’s Dorset’s last day

Penelope: We’re gonna send him off at the end of the afternoon

hyacinth: ok so j unemployed... that’s better than death

Felicity: Aw, I didn’t know Dorset was leaving! I’m gonna miss him

Felicity: Has Danbury already filled the position with Creative then?

Penelope: Not yet, as far as I know!

1:33pm, Sat 29 Mar – Thunderbolts

gregory: u guys 😭

gregory: you can’t just shout at the referee like that

Kate: Do not tell me you agreed with that call.

Anthony: Where did they even find this guy? I’m not convinced he knows a thing about offsides.

Kate: No because I’ll tell you, a cardboard cutout could do his job

9:28am, Mon 31 Mar – Council of Elders

[Benedict added colin to “Council of Elders”]

colin: oh good. there are more of you now.

Kate: Hi to you too?

colin: sorry

colin: i just know what this is about

Daphne: What is it about? Tell us

colin: “how long are you crashing with mum” “have you found work” “when was your last bowel movement” like

Benedict: Is there a reason you’re getting this defensive

Benedict: Because no one’s said anything yet

Sophie: …that was what you were going to ask him though

Sophie: His living situation

Sophie: Not that last thing

colin:

Daphne: We just wanted to know how things were going

colin: well if you must know

colin: jyoti sent me a few flat listings i’ve yet to look at, and i’m doing some freelance photo editing

colin: 🙂🙏

[colin left “Council of Elders”]

Daphne: Those emojis felt passive aggressive

Benedict: They were

[Kate added colin to “Council of Elders”]

colin: was there more

colin: did i not please the council

Anthony: Colin, what are you getting so moody with us for?

Daphne: Yeah we only wanted to catch up!

Daphne: You’ve been at home all week

colin: MOODY who said i’m moody!

colin: i’m in a very good mood actually

Benedict:

colin: i am

colin: you lot just keep descending on me with the same questions over and over again, as if i haven’t already answered them

9:32am, Mon 31 Mar – from: Benedict, to: Anthony

Benedict: Think I do see what you mean now

9:32am, Mon 31 Mar – Council of Elders

Anthony: You’re just so unnecessarily elusive.

Anthony: Like a little garden snake.

colin: sure but you don’t have to helicopter me

colin: i’m not a child

Kate: I did hear you sprayed Hyacinth with insect repellent… so

colin: that was HER

colin: she did that to ME

colin: i was the victim

Benedict: The fact that it happened though?

Simon: If I can say something

colin: who’s gonna stop you

Daphne: Cut it out Colin

Simon: We had dinner with Danbury last night, and she mentioned they’re looking for someone to work in graphics at Danbury Publishing House

colin: …okay

Daphne: Don’t “okay”

Daphne: At least consider it

Simon: Yeah, she said it and I thought of you!

Simon: There are so many familiar faces at DPH right now as well

Simon: Hyacinth, Penelope, etc.

Simon: I can forward you some info if you’re interested

9:36am, Mon 31 Mar – In-Laws

Kate: Slick

Simon: What is?

Sophie: You are

Simon: I don’t know what either of you mean

Kate: Yes you do

Kate: “Oh, by the way, that’s where Penelope also works”

Simon: I was just mentioning something I heard from Danbury, and Daff’s been worrying about why he's been so cagey all week

Simon: The fact that Penelope Featherington works there is just a fun bonus

eloise: wait what lol

eloise: what are we talking about

9:38am, Mon 31 Mar – from: Sophie, to: Kate; Simon

Sophie:

Kate: …I forgot Eloise was still in the chat

Simon: Why what’s wrong

9:38am, Mon 31 Mar – In-Laws

eloise: who’s working with penelope? haha

9:39am, Mon 31 Mar – from: Kate, to: Sophie; Simon

Kate: Eloise doesn’t know.

Simon: I’m lost

Simon: What doesn’t she know?

Kate: About Penelope’s thing for Colin

Simon: You’re lying

Kate: I’m not

Simon: You are

Kate: I’m not!

Simon: When I ask this, know that I mean it in the nicest way

Simon: But how is that possible?

Kate: I don’t know! It just is

Sophie: …so who’s gonna reply?

9:40am, Mon 31 Mar – In-Laws

Kate: Simon was telling Colin he should look into a position at Danbury Publishing

Kate: Because he’s looking for work

eloise: sure but why is penelope working there a “bonus” 😅

Kate: Well

9:41am, Mon 31 Mar – from: Sophie, to: Kate; Simon

Sophie: 👀

Kate: We’re in it now, Soph

9:41am, Mon 31 Mar – In-Laws

Kate: We were just joking around because there was a bit of a matchmaking angle

Kate: Since Penelope’s always fancied him a bit

eloise: lol

9:42am, Mon 31 Mar – from: Kate, to: Sophie; Simon

Kate: Maybe I should’ve made something else up

Sophie: No, you know what

Sophie: Mountain out of a molehill

Sophie: Eloise is 28, it’s not like her being told an adult she knows likes another adult she knows would be a big deal

9:42am, Mon 31 Mar – In-Laws

eloise: wait are you being serious

eloise: no she doesn’t.

9:42am, Mon 31 Mar – from: Sophie, to: Kate; Simon

Sophie: Walking what I just said back

Kate: Help me out

9:43am, Mon 31 Mar – In-Laws

Sophie: She does

Sophie: More than a bit

eloise: colin?? like my brother, colin

Kate: Yes

eloise: no lmfao

eloise: she doesn’t.

9:43am, Mon 31 Mar – from: Simon, to: Sophie; Kate

Simon: 😳

Kate: Convenient that you’re letting us fend for ourselves

9:44am, Mon 31 Mar – In-Laws

eloise: I’ve known penelope since we were both six

eloise: if she liked my brother, then how would I of all people not know about it?

Simon: It’s just always been very apparent

Simon: From the way she looks at him, and talks to him, and generally acts around him

9:45am, Mon 31 Mar – from: Kate, to: Simon; Sophie

Kate: Why would you say it like that

Simon: I panicked

Simon: Did not mean to sound glib about it at all, I just don't know what other way to explain something so obvious

9:45am, Mon 31 Mar – In-Laws

eloise: then what am I like a shit friend or something

eloise: how do all of you know penelope fancies colin and I don’t

eloise: how does SIMON know and I don’t

eloise: simon never knows anything

eloise: no offence

Simon: None taken whatsoever

Sophie: No Eloise not at all!!

Sophie: We were just being a little nosy because we like Penelope and Colin both, and since Colin might potentially be around more now, if something could happen there, that’d be nice :)

Sophie: That’s all that was happening here

Sophie: It’s not something we routinely chat about

Sophie: Nor is it something Penelope’s gone and told everyone but you!

eloise: ok.

Kate: It’s true!

Kate: You could even ask her yourself!

9:47am, Mon 31 Mar – from: Sophie, to: Kate; Simon

Sophie: Why… would you say that

Kate: Would you believe me if I say I panicked

Kate: Because I did

Simon: See?

9:47am, Mon 31 Mar – In-Laws

eloise: I will.

eloise: mostly because I think you’re all wrong.

eloise: but I will.

9:48am, Mon 31 Mar – from: Simon, to: Kate; Sophie

Simon: That was so stressful holy shit

Sophie: YOU’RE stressed?

Sophie: I did ALL the work at the end there

9:52am, Mon 31 Mar – from: eloise, to: Penelope

eloise: I have something I need to ask you

Penelope: Give me ten, I’m in a meeting!

eloise: it’s an emergency

Penelope: Oh? God okay

Penelope: Let me just tell them I’m stepping out

Penelope: Are you alright?

Penelope: Is everything okay?

eloise: no.

eloise: do you like my brother

Penelope: Sorry?

eloise: answer the question it’s so serious

eloise: why isn’t there a response yet

eloise: “no I don’t” takes two seconds to type

Penelope: This was your emergency?

Penelope: I thought someone we knew was sick

Penelope: Or dying

eloise: I’M sick

eloise: IN A BAD WAY

Penelope: Okay

Penelope: I’m going back to my meeting

eloise: you realise you’re answering my question by not answering it right?

Penelope: I can’t answer your question because I honestly don’t know which brother you’re talking about

eloise: well now you’ve REALLY answered my question because i would’ve called you if it were any of the other three, but fine.

eloise: let’s go down the list and figure out via process of elimination then

eloise: anthony, married

eloise: ben, married

eloise: greg, a baby deer

Penelope: Isn’t he seeing someone

eloise: alright well

eloise: as far as hyacinth’s told me, he’s currently in love with his situationship

eloise: but we’re also talking about like. someone who was in his year at school.

eloise: *someone who doesn't really know what snapchat is. a fellow baby deer.

eloise: the point mostly stands

eloise: who does this leave us with

Penelope: What would you like me to say here

Penelope: That I used to have a tiny crush on Colin?

eloise: yes that is what I wanted you to say

Penelope: Well there it is

Penelope: Can I go back to work?

eloise: no!!!

eloise: how is it that I didn’t know this!

Penelope: Because it wasn’t as though it was ever something worth mentioning!

Penelope: It’s not like he’s thought of me that way at any point in time, what was there to tell?

Penelope: It’s just something to laugh about now

eloise: first of fucking all

eloise: how could I have laughed about it if you were never gonna tell me?

eloise: and second!

eloise: I would never have laughed because it’s not like it’s out of realm for him to think of you like that

eloise: he might be my brother but he’s also literally just some guy

Penelope: Okay

Penelope: Good to know

Penelope: May I please go back to my meeting?

eloise: fine. yeah.

eloise: go.

Penelope: Great

eloise: great

12:12pm, Mon 31 Mar – from: Daphne, to: colin

Daphne: Simon’s just emailed you!

colin: yeah i saw that

colin: idk that it’s a good idea to go work for danbury publishing though

Daphne: Why?

Daphne: You’re qualified for it

colin: daphne lol

colin: DPH is literally a subsidiary of QC Media Group

Daphne: So?

colin: so!

colin: we’re talking about two of the biggest figures in uk media

colin: one of them’s on the oxford alumni committee with mum, and the other is literally ben’s godmother

colin: if i wind up there everyone’s gonna know i nepo baby’d my way in

Daphne: Colin no one’s thinking about it like that

Daphne: It’s just a job, and you might not get it either

Daphne: Simon only mentioned it to you because it’s very obvious you quit the one you did have without thinking about what you were going to do next

colin: and i can’t figure that out for myself?

Daphne: Sure! Whatever, I don’t care!

Daphne: But I know you and there’s no way you’re not losing your mind sitting around at Mum’s all day

Daphne: So also, get over yourself a little

Daphne: Will you think about it?

[colin liked a message: Will you think about it?]

Daphne: Non-answer

colin: yes!! i’ll think about it

3:56pm, Mon 31 Mar – from: Penelope, to: eloise

Penelope: Can we forget about what we talked about this morning?

eloise: yes.

eloise: in the cold light of afternoon. I see that I was being dramatic.

Penelope: No it’s fine

Penelope: Maybe I should’ve admitted it to you at some point but it wasn’t meant to be this big secret or anything

Penelope: Colin’s just always been very nice to me, and that meant a lot, especially when I was younger, but that’s honestly all it was

Penelope: I just wanted to reiterate, I’m completely past any sort of crush

Penelope: I have been for like, years

[eloise liked a message: I just wanted to reiterate, I’m completely past any sort of crush]

eloise: by the way simon’s told me colin’s considering applying to work at danbury publishing

3:58pm, Mon 31 Mar – office goss

Felicity: What was that noise lol

Penelope: Sorry that was me

Penelope: Just dropped my phone

2:14pm, Fri 4 Apr – Thunderbolts

gregory: colin asked me if he could come watch ned’s match tomorrow

gregory: then he asked me if there would be snacks

gregory: and i had to tell him they were for the kids, so he said something about bringing his own

gregory: long story short he’s coming

gregory: are we gonna be on our chillest behaviour? 🤞

11:29am, Sat 5 Apr – from: colin, to: Kate; Anthony; gregory

colin: yo i have never seen anyone’s PARENTS get red carded before

colin: 😭😭😭😭😭

Anthony: Personally, I didn’t think he needed to go to red.

gregory: he warned you both with a yellow one

Kate: That was clearly supposed to be a corner kick!

colin: do you guys actually have to leave the premises?

colin: man who’s gonna watch your other two kids now

Anthony: You? I would hope.

colin: i know that was a joke

colin: i’m plying them with fruit snacks as we speak

Kate: We really have to sit the rest of the match out in the parking lot?

gregory: i’m sorry but yes

gregory: there’s nothing i can do for you once you call the ref a bellend

8:13am, Sun 6 Apr – Featherington Family Group Chat

[Portia sent a link]

Portia: Colin Bridgerton is joining Danbury Publishing!

Portia: Felicity, have you seen this?

8:14am, Sun 6 Apr – Featheringhuns

[Felicity sent a voice note]

Phillipa: This is just you sighing?

Felicity: Yeah

Felicity: Yeah it is

8:15am, Sun 6 Apr – Featherington Family Group Chat

Felicity: No, but I did hear about it from Hyacinth 👍

Portia: Well, you should text him! Tell him you’re looking forward to working with him.

Felicity: You know, I think I have too much homework to get around to doing that, so I'm not going to

Felicity: Though you’re onto something Mum

Phillipa: She is?

Felicity: Yeah!

Felicity: I’m sure Colin Bridgerton would love hearing from good friend Penelope

Felicity: Since they’ll also be working together and all

Felicity: :-)

9:03am, Sun 6 Apr – ABCDEFGH & Co.

[Sophie sent a link]

Sophie: Just saw this

Sophie: Congrats Colin! Very happy for you 🤍

gregory: wait i haven’t seen this one yet

gregory: let me go read

gregory:

eloise: omg yaaaay

hyacinth: i told you this like two hours ago, why are you pretending not to know

eloise: Idk it felt weird to say ‘yeah I heard already’

eloise: but anyways yea, congrats, colin

hyacinth: colin since i have seniority on you i think u should refer to me as ‘boss’

[Benedict questioned a gif]

gregory: why r u questioning my dawg

Benedict: I asked you once and you said literally no one used gifs

Benedict: But now I see you use them all the time and it’s like, what happened?

gregory: what lmfao

gregory: wen did i ever say that

Benedict: A while back

gregory: i do not remember this…

gregory: maybe you’re mistaking me for someone else

Benedict: I’m definitely not

gregory: no i feel like you are

gregory:

gregory: i never said that

Kate: Okay Instagram is taking forever to load, but I’m presuming it says Colin got the job at Danbury Publishing?

Francesca: That, and then she takes another three sentences to wax about how he’s “charming” and “kind” and “well-favoured, even for a Bridgerton”

eloise: lolol

Anthony: Those are all good things?

Anthony: Particularly when the next paragraph starts out with, “Failed journalist, Cressida Cowper.”

Kate: She shouldn't have made up her sources if she didn’t want to be called that

eloise: no they are good things

eloise: just, what does that have to do with anything

[Anthony laughed at a message: just, what does that have to do with anything]

Anthony: Fair.

Benedict: Yeah she's fairly sweet on Colin

Daphne: @colin I’m so happy everything worked out! 🥰

[colin loved a message: Congrats Colin! 🤍]

[colin loved a message: but anyways yea, congrats, colin]

[colin questioned a message: colin since i have seniority on you i think u should refer to me as ‘boss’]

[colin loved a message: @colin I’m so happy everything worked out! 🥰]

colin: you all really still keep up w this?

Kate: Which?

Kate: Whistledown?

colin: yeah

colin: you’re telling me all of you legit still read it?

Benedict: If someone sends a post to me, yeah

Sophie: I have notifications turned on for her

Francesca: I thumb through her Stories sometimes

Francesca: Sometimes an easier way of seeing what’s up with some of you, rather than asking outright

Daphne: YOU are saying that to us?

colin: i must be the odd one out then lol

gregory: don’t lie omg?

colin: i’m not!

colin: i thought whistledown fell off, like long ago

hyacinth: she’s got seven million followers?

colin: see and that’s wild

colin: it was one thing a decade ago when it was like, a blogspot with a couple thousand readers, but she’s still peddling hearsay to millions of people, and we’re all just letting her?

9:10am, Sun 6 Apr – Granville Winter Exhibition

Kate: Is this a bit I’m unaware of, or something?

Benedict: I’m not sure

9:11am, Sun 6 Apr – ABCDEFGH & Co.

colin: why engage with it at all?

colin: why are we giving her that attention?

eloise: be calm

colin: i AM calm

9:11am, Sun 6 Apr – The B Team

gregory: whats blud waffling about 😂😭

9:12am, Sun 6 Apr – ABCDEFGH & Co.

Benedict: I genuinely can’t tell if this is you still being moody for no reason or if you’ve always had strong opinions on this

Francesca: Yeah, what did she do to piss you off?

colin: fucking nothing

colin: they’re just regular opinions that i think most people share

9:12am, Sun 6 Apr – The B Team

gregory: no really dfljfs what is his problem

eloise: no clue honestly

9:13am, Sun 6 Apr – Moo

Anthony: You see what I mean now?

Benedict: Yes

eloise: yeah because this isn't even him being a shithead

eloise: he’s just genuinely being

Anthony: Irritable?

Benedict: A bitch?

Benedict: We said two different things but I think we’re getting at the same idea

9:13am, Sun 6 Apr – ABCDEFGH & Co.

Francesca: Don’t fucking swear at me?

Kate: No hey okay

Kate: I sort of see Colin’s point

Kate: Did I like going from reading it to being in it when I started seeing Anthony? Not necessarily.

Kate: Do I still read it? Yes.

Kate: It is technically gossip, but I think you can all agree with me that part of the appeal is that she’s never really been proven wrong about something before.

Kate: Even when she’s opining!

Kate: So I do understand why people follow along, and put some stock into what she’s got to say.

Kate: But to each their own, right?

[Anthony liked a message: But to each their own, right?]

Daphne: I remember when it was just a blog

Daphne: She sort of sensationalised me breaking Mum’s friend’s nephew’s heart, but my friend Rose also told me Lindsay Trowbridge kept hate-reading it because she was jealous I was in it

Daphne: Sometimes I pull up that archive and look at those first few posts that were about Simon and me, just to reminisce

eloise: god I wish you hadn’t tacked onto kate’s thing

eloise: now we all have to pretend you didn’t just admit something very sad about yourself

Daphne: It’s not sad!

Daphne: Is it?

Daphne: No one answer that.

9:19am, Sun 6 Apr – from: Sophie, to: Daphne

Sophie: Didn’t want to risk Colin or Eloise’s judgement

Sophie: But I get you

Sophie: Posy's told me Rosamund still reads it, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't find any satisfaction in that

Daphne: Thank you!!

Daphne: It’s human to be a little petty!

9:34am, Sun 6 Apr – from: hyacinth, to: colin

hyacinth:

hyacinth: zero likes

colin: will you please leave me alone

9:46am, Sun 6 Apr – from: Benedict, to: gregory

Benedict: But you did say that

Benedict: You remember that right, like you said it

gregory: if youre still talking about this gif thing, i don’t remember this at all

Benedict: It was right before Anthony met Kate

Benedict: I used a gif from The Office and you told me to stop being corny?

Benedict: I’ve not used one since

gregory: 😭😭😭😭😭😭

gregory: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

gregory: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Benedict: STOP LAUGHING

gregory: no bc i’m in tears

gregory: when you said a while back you meant TEN years ago?

gregory: like even if this happened why would you have listened to mefsfldks i was like 12??

4:48pm, Sun 6 Apr – city girlsssss

Daphne: If any of you are still coming to Mondrichs’ today, it’s packed!

Daphne: Simon and I can only hold down so many seats

hyacinth: i want to but i’ve got an marketing exam tmrw

eloise: “marketing exam” is an oxymoron but okay

hyacinth: i don't disagree but i do have to put together a business cazh outfit

Francesca: Think I’ll go another day! Going to stay in as well

hyacinth: with who

Francesca: Just myself?

eloise: pen and I are still coming

eloise: she’s waiting on me, I just had a few emails to reply to

Daphne: Ok! If it’s just you two, maybe I’ll see if Colin’s free too? Penelope wouldn’t mind that, right?

eloise: nah don’t invite him

eloise: he’s no fun today

Francesca: Do you mean his Whistledown spiel?

eloise: yes 💀

eloise: “hearsay” like is the hearsay in the room with us right now?

hyacinth: it’s not even bad stuff on him idgi

[eloise emphasized a message: it’s not even bad stuff on him idgi]

Daphne: That’s not fair

eloise: how am I not being fair

eloise: even you can admit he’s been a bit of a bitch lately

colin: i’m in this chat fyi

hyacinth: jumpscare wtf

hyacinth: who let you in here

hyacinth: this is supposed to be sisters only

eloise: oh right

eloise: was daff’s doing

eloise: she needed someone to get tampons for her while simon at an away game, and hy and I were busy

Francesca: Sorry, Colin

Francesca: I won’t say we didn’t mean it, because you were being a bit melodramatic this morning, and not even in a fun way

Francesca: But, sorry. We shouldn't have said it like that

Francesca: Colin?

hyacinth: hes gone with the wind

Daphne: “We” is doing some heavy lifting in Fran’s apology

eloise: oh, what? you’re gonna say that was my fault?

Daphne: If you remembered he was here, then yes?

Daphne: It was?

eloise: I didn’t remember until he popped up!

eloise: I figured he’d quietly left at some point! that's what you’re supposed to do if you're no longer needed in a chat, or you don't want to be there anymore! leave, and don't make it everyone's else problem!

eloise: plus unlike everyone else at least I didn't say it behind his back.

11:14am, Mon 7 Apr – office goss

[hyacinth added colin to “office goss”]

hyacinth: have you guys noticed peggy has been hanging around by fife’s desk like all day

colin: peggy?

hyacinth: peggy goring

hyacinth: she keeps acting like she's gonna make herself a cup of coffee in the breakroom and then makes a detour for his cubicle

hyacinth: i’m not saying anything...... but 👀

Felicity: Wait

Felicity: Peggy Goring from Accounting?

Felicity: I thought she was married

hyacinth: IS SHE?

Felicity: She’s wearing a ring?

hyacinth: omfg

hyacinth: i thought that was decorative

Felicity: You thought a gold band on her ring finger was decorative?

colin: don't you guys have work to do?

hyacinth: what do you think i’m doing?

hyacinth: part of my job is to keep the office informed of new updates 👻

colin: the office?

colin: it looks like it’s just the four of us in this chat

Penelope: Yeah

Penelope: That’s all this is

Penelope: Just the two of them goofing off while I’m trying to get work done

colin: ah

colin: that tracks completely

hyacinth: 😲

11:17am, Mon 7 Apr – from: hyacinth, to: Felicity

hyacinth: forgot to tell you

hyacinth: colin is no fun anymore :/

Felicity: I thought you and he were fighting?

hyacinth: no this one’s beyond the beef...

hyacinth: even fran said he was off

Felicity: Oh

Felicity: I didn’t take it that way, I figured he was siding with Penelope, just because

hyacinth: oop

hyacinth: well 👀 could be that too

1:42pm, Mon 7 Apr – a himbo, a mean bisexual, an even meaner lesbian, a sunshine she/they, an astrology bitch who has everyone’s birth chart memorized, and a short king

henry: April 21st, two weeks from today

henry: Round up your friends, your loved ones, etc etc

[lucy liked a message: April 21st, two weeks from today]

genevieve: putting it down in my cal now!

henry: Thanks

henry: Press will be there as well, so I need a full house

wetherby: you worry too much

henry: Don’t worry about how much i worry ❤️

1:45pm, Mon 7 Apr – from: Benedict, to: henry

Benedict: Can invite whoever though right?

henry: Yes

henry: But if you bring Kate tell her she doesn’t have to try to get an auction going in the middle of the floor this time

henry: It’s flattering but I can’t sell her anything just yet, the pieces are only for show

Benedict: I think she knows that, she just enjoys gassing the artists up

Benedict: You’re just gonna have to let her do it

Benedict: But I also wanted to invite my younger sister’s friend, if that’s cool

Benedict: She’s interested in this kind of thing

henry: this is eloise’s friend? the quiet one?

Benedict: Hyacinth’s friend, actually

Benedict: She’s very talented!

Benedict: Plus if I were still her age, and I'd already been at a point where I was willing to tell people I wanted to be an artist

Benedict: It would’ve been nice to have someone be as encouraging as you and Soph are

Benedict: Or even the way Kate is, with her illegal bidding and all

henry: That’s very sweet of you, ben

henry: Yeah of course, bring whoever you’d like along

8:19am, Tues 8 Apr – office goss

hyacinth: happy birthday pen!

colin: happy birthday!!

Penelope: Thank you! 💖

Felicity: They got you a cake! Peggy made sure they wrote ‘Happy Birthday’ on it, so no one would think you’re dying

colin: why would anyone think that?

Penelope: Don’t ask

colin: 😭 if you insist

colin: any fun plans today?

Penelope: Nothing exciting, ha

Penelope: I’ve got some last-minute shopping to do and then Eloise and I are gonna do what we do every year

Penelope: Order soup dumplings and watch The Princess Bride

Penelope: Anyways

Penelope: How do you like your desk, Colin? I like the setup you’ve got

colin: it’s great! the window in front of me is distractingly clean lol i can see my reflection so clearly

Penelope: Yeah. The view from up here could’ve been really nice if they’d chosen less reflective glass for the window panes

colin: for real 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

8:22am, Tues 8 Apr – from: Felicity, to: hyacinth

Felicity: SEVEN laugh emojis

hyacinth: she wasn’t even saying anything funny? sdjflksj like

1:06pm, Tues 8 Apr – from: Penelope, to: Felicity; hyacinth; Peggy

Penelope: Did one of you put these sunflowers on my desk while I was out on lunch?

Peggy: Wasn’t me!

hyacinth: not aye

Felicity: Maybe they were delivered?

Penelope: Can’t be, they’re from Kate’s shop and I know someone would’ve needed to sign for them

Peggy: Maybe it was Danbury? She likes you loads

Penelope: You just say stuff

Peggy: She does! Don’t deny it, you know it’s true

Peggy: She probably just wanted to do something nice because it’s your birthday

Penelope: I guess it could’ve been her, only because I don’t know who else in this office it would have been?

Penelope: I should go thank her

1:08pm, Tues 8 Apr – from: Fife, to: colin

Fife: Where’d you disappear to?

colin: left to grab lunch

colin: where else would i have been lol

5:16pm, Tues 8 Apr – from: Penelope, to: eloise

[Penelope sent a photo]

Penelope: Which one do you like better?

eloise: slay but what happened to colour

Penelope: “Overripe citrus fruit”

eloise: right right 😭 sorry sometimes I forget

eloise: you really caught a stray with that one

eloise: silver

eloise: I really like the silver

Penelope: Really?

Penelope: You don't like the black?

eloise: no I do!

eloise: but if I had to pick, I’d go silver

Penelope: The thing is, I don’t know that I own the right bra to go with the silver

Penelope: Even if I did, the neckline still feels a little too low-cut

eloise: it’s a party

Penelope: It’s your mother’s party

eloise: yes and I think she would want you to be tits out for her birthday <3

Penelope: Be serious 😭

eloise: I am!!

eloise: no ok don't listen to me

eloise: do you have a preference between the two?

Penelope: It’s hard to decide?

Penelope: My mum’s the one to told me that you should wear what makes you feel good, but ironically every time I try something on, instinctively I can hear in my head what she would have to say about it

Penelope: And it’s never nice

eloise: 🥺

eloise: that’s really shit, I’m sorry

Penelope: No it’s fine. I’ll decide from one of these two

eloise: don’t dwell too much on what she’d say

eloise: because I think you look fine as shit in both

eloise: and unlike the majority of people, I am always right

Penelope: You are

eloise: I am!

eloise: can’t go wrong with either dress

eloise: not to rush you or anything either but princess bride is waiting for you and I’ve just picked up the food

eloise: and you know the dumplings won’t be nearly as good if they’ve got to be heated in the (nigella lawson voice) microwave

Penelope: Will try to be home in less than 30!

2:08pm, Weds 9 Apr – Not Really Chestnut, More of a Raven Colour

Benedict: You all recall Greg saying gifs weren’t a thing people used anymore right

eloise: not this again

Benedict: No but he did! He said that to me!

colin: even if he did

colin: what do you want us to do about that now

Benedict: At least tell me that I didn’t make that up

Benedict: I know I didn’t, and I know that if anyone were to remember it, it would be Eloise

eloise: what am I getting singled out for

Benedict: Shouldn’t you have my back

Benedict: What happened to bi-lesbian solidarity

eloise: over GIFS?

eloise: 😭😭😭😭?

[Benedict disliked a message: over GIFS?]

eloise: listen if I could, I would dig up old messages for you, but I don’t have the time today

Benedict: I’m being gaslit

Benedict: I’m being gaslit, and you don’t have the time for it

eloise: yeah. I’ve got pilates to get to, and if I don’t get there in time all the good mats are gonna be gone

colin: just buy your own mat? damn

eloise: in this economy?

colin: you are a software engineer and you own your own car, stop chatting shit

colin: or, take mine then, i never use it anymore

eloise: gross

eloise: I don’t wanna share a mat with you

colin: but with a bunch of strangers, that’s totally fine?

Benedict: Don’t derail my conversation please

Anthony: Okay, Ben.

Anthony: If I said I don’t really take what Gregory says too personally because there’s almost two decades between us, and even if I wanted to, it’s almost impossible for me to keep up with what he deems cool or not, but also since vernacular and dadaist humour evolve over time, whatever he says at any given moment is arbitrary anyways, would that help?

Benedict: Honestly? No

Benedict: 😫

Benedict: I just want someone to validate that this happened to me

10:15am, Thurs 10 Apr – from: colin, to: Felicity

colin: pssst

colin: who’s the guy who just walked in and nicked a paperclip from hyacinth’s desk

Felicity: I thought you were ‘too busy getting work done’ to gossip

colin: oh i can make time for this

12:20pm, Thurs 10 Apr – Disneyland Paris

Kate: Someone take a look at this seating chart for tomorrow and tell me I’ve done a good job.

[Kate sent a photo]

Daphne: Looks good!

Simon: Nice job

Kate: Thank you. I know.

Kate: Everything else is set for Violet’s party, right?

Daphne: On our end, yes, but you'll have to check with Sophie and Ben about the photographer.

Anthony: Great. And you've made sure to tell the bakery to not put Mum’s age on the cake?

Daphne: Who do you take me for? Of course I did

Simon: Does Violet not like people knowing her age?

Daphne: Yes! You know this

Simon: I didn’t 😬

Daphne: You did!

Simon: How could I? You’ve said how old she’s turning numerous times in this chat alone

Daphne: But what’s key is that she’s not here to see it!

Anthony: Hate to think what would happen if she was.

Simon: …add one more thing back to the to-do list, Kate

Simon: Since no one thought to mention this to me before putting me in charge of birthday candles

1:37pm, Thurs 10 Apr – office goss

hyacinth: were it not for the laws of this land i would’ve slaughtered you by now

Penelope: Which one of us are you talking to

hyacinth: COLIN

Penelope: Got it

Penelope: Carry on

colin: what’d i do

hyacinth: why did you tell danbury she should bring st. clair as a plus one to mum’s birthday??

colin: you mean gareth?

colin: idk he stopped by my desk on his way out and we got to talking

colin: he told me he was a friend of yours

hyacinth: well he’s NOT

colin: oy vey

hyacinth: IT’S NOT FUNNY

hyacinth: now i have to go out on my lunch break!!

Felicity: Wait, what?

Felicity: Go where? 😭

12:34pm, Thurs 10 Apr – The B Team

hyacinth: peeps

hyacinth: on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do we like these shoes?

[hyacinth sent a photo]

Francesca: 2

gregory: 0

eloise: negative five

hyacinth:

hyacinth: every day i’m bullied in this chat

eloise: and every day it’s deserved

Francesca: Shouldn’t you be in class?

Francesca: Or at your internship?

hyacinth: i’m on my break

gregory: if you need something last min why not just go to daphne

gregory: she lives for this kind of thing

hyacinth: daphne??

hyacinth: you mean bigfoot??

eloise: 😭

eloise: even I can admit that was out of pocket

Francesca: She’s not wrong

Francesca: Daphne’s shoe size is bigger than any of ours

Francesca: If she asks though, I never said that

[hyacinth emphasized a message: on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do we like these shoes?]

hyacinth: can at least one of you be of any help

hyacinth: i have to be back at danbury publishing in 20 min

eloise: ok

eloise: my honest opinion is I know you, and I don’t think you’re gonna enjoy walking in those for an entire evening

Francesca: Agree

Francesca: They do look nice! But too tall

eloise: yea. you’re gonna be wobble city.

hyacinth: wow

hyacinth: wish you’d said all that before i bought them

eloise: !?!?!?!???!

eloise: I can’t STAND you

eloise: why’d you even ask us what we thought if you were gonna do it anyways??

10:15am, Fri 11 Apr – from: Fife, to: colin; Peggy; Penelope

Fife: Thinking of hitting Mondrichs’ after work, if either of you want to join

Fife: Any of the three of you, I mean

Fife: Realise I don’t know Peggy’s plans either

10:17am, Fri 11 Apr – office goss

colin: so are we just supposed to pretend we know nothing about him and goring?

Penelope: Yes

10:17am, Fri 11 Apr – from: colin, to: Fife; Penelope; Peggy

colin: can’t tonight

colin: mum’s birthday, and all

colin: but next time 🤗

[Fife liked a message: but next time 🤗]

Penelope: I always jump when people use that emoji

colin: what, the hug one?

colin: 🤗?

Penelope: Is it supposed to be a hug?

colin: yeah? what did you think it was

Penelope: Nothing

Fife: Clearly not nothing?

Penelope: Well if you all thought *hug,* then I don’t want to say

Penelope: Not while we’re at work

colin: 👀

colin: well now you HAVE to tell us

[Peggy emphasized a message: well now you HAVE to tell us]

Penelope: Fine

Penelope: It just immediately makes me think, boob grab?

colin: pen??

Peggy: Penelope!

Penelope: Sorry

Penelope: But look at his face!!!

Penelope: He’s so excited for a handful of titty

Penelope: TWO handfuls of titty, pardon

colin: 😭😭😭😭

Penelope: I told you! 😭 It was too much

colin: no no like i laughed!

colin: out loud

colin: i just didn’t expect that from you 😭

10:20am, Fri 11 Apr – from: Fife, to: Peggy

Fife: Are we supposed to pretend like we don't know they're fucking

Peggy: I don't think they are?

Peggy: Penelope's honestly quite private, but I also think they're just friends joking around

Fife: Alright fine

Fife: Are we supposed to pretend like they don't obviously want to fuck?

10:48am, Fri 11 Apr – from: Archie, to: gregory

Archie: Hey happy birthday to your mum

Archie: It is today, right?

gregory: it is :)

Archie: What’s with the smiley

gregory: i just think it’s cute you texted me about it

gregory: you refuse to let me make you breakfast but a birthday text? for my mother?

gregory: world stop

Archie: Shut up

gregory: no no bc i’ll wish her for you

gregory: i’ll serenade her for you!

Archie: You’re very annoying, has anyone ever told you that

gregory: lots of people 😋

2:43pm, Fri 11 Apr – Number Five

colin: so good news

colin: i found a place to live

hyacinth: so you’re moving out?

colin: you don’t have to sound so excited about it but yes

colin: which means now you have to give me all my stuff back!
[sent with Confetti]

hyacinth: no i checked with anthony and legally speaking he said we can operate by finders’ keepers <3

colin: oh really? that’s what anthony said?

[Violet loved a message: i found a place to live]

Violet: That’s wonderful 😘 Where is it?

colin: over in bloomsbury

colin: just have to go to jyoti’s office on monday and sign some papers to finalise things

Violet: How long is the lease?

colin: only a year

Violet: A year?

Violet: As in, 12 months?

colin: twelve months, yes

Violet: Oh, that's nice.

Violet: That's a very nice birthday gift.

colin: i did get you an actual gift, mum 😅

colin: or

colin: hang on

colin: hyacinth, what's happened to the gift that was on my desk this morning?

hyacinth: …

hyacinth: if that was supposed to be a gift why didn’t u wrap it up

hyacinth: or put it in a bag

hyacinth: common sense 💆‍♀️

colin: i will not miss you when i’m gone.

3:10pm, Fri 11 Apr – Bridgerton Family GC

Anthony: Need you all at Number Five by 6. Thanks.

3:11pm, Fri 11 Apr – three queens coming together to maximise their joint slay

gregory: what time do we really have to be there

Daphne: 8, at the latest?

gregory: gracias

5:32pm, Fri 11 Apr – two-time academy award winner greta gerwig

eloise: penelope I know you’re still in the shower but just letting you know I’m out the door!!

Felicity: I thought it starts at 8? Or am I wrong

eloise: no it does

eloise: fran just needs me for something

5:45pm, Fri 11 Apr – Fantastic Four

colin: looks kind of like a wedding reception in here

colin: name cards on the tables and all

Daphne: Yes, Kate made a seating chart

colin: cool cool cool cool

Benedict: That was four too many “cool”s

Anthony: Colin, do not mess with those.

Anthony: I need confirmation that you’ve read this message, please.

6:27pm, Fri 11 Apr – three queens coming together to maximise their joint slay

Francesca: Hey Greg, if you can, try to arrive soon!

Francesca: We’re taking family photos

gregory: WHAT

gregory: why did daphne say 8??????

Daphne: I was telling you the latest possible time you could show up! Which is what you were asking me!

Daphne: But also in my defence, the photographer was Benedict’s doing

gregory: TELL THEM TO WAIT????

6:30pm, Fri 11 Apr – Bridgerton Family GC

Sophie: These are the ones I asked him to take on my phone!

[Sophie sent a photo]

gregory: HELLO????? AREN’T YOU MISSING SOMEONE??????

Anthony: I told you to be here at 6!

gregory: i was fed misinformation 😫😫😫😫😫😫

gregory: why did everyone show up early but me???

hyacinth: i live here

colin: as do i

Francesca: Eloise forove me here

Francesca: *drove

Sophie: Don’t feel bad Greg! Photographer will be here all night

Benedict: Yeah and we have to retake some anyways

Benedict: Can’t see even Fran’s face with Hy towering over her

6:32pm, Fri 11 Apr – The B Team

hyacinth: these shoes are so uncomfortable you guys omg

eloise: I do NOT want to hear it from you.

hyacinth: 😕

hyacinth: i think im gonna return them tmrw like i literally can’t wear these again

6:32pm, Fri 11 Apr – three queens coming together to maximise their joint slay

gregory: so this was a lie

Daphne: I’m really really sorry

Daphne: Simon and I only got here early because I had to meet the caterer, and we had so much going on I didn’t notice you were missing until way after Anthony, Ben, and Colin lined up for a photo

Francesca: I don’t think you’re helping

8:10pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Kate, to: colin

Kate: Are you good

colin: fine? why

Kate: Because I just watched you almost walk smack into the champagne wall?

Kate: What happened?

8:10pm, Fri 11 Apr – from eloise, to: Penelope

eloise: this wasn’t one of the dresses you showed me 👀

Penelope: Yeah this is actually something I already owned, just haven’t had the chance to wear it yet

Penelope: I did like the silver, but I was feeling this more?

eloise: well you look stunning 💚✨

8:11pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Daphne, to: Simon

Daphne: Before you bunker down in the den upstairs

Simon: Too early for that

Daphne: I know but before you do

Daphne: Come say hi to Danbury

Daphne: She’s brought Gareth with her

Simon: Gareth?

Simon: Unexpected

8:13pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Simon, to: gareth

Simon: I didn’t know you’d be here!

gareth: yea

gareth: ran into your wife’s brother the other day

gareth: very persuasive guy

gareth: are those ortho shoes you’ve got on?

8:14pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Simon, to: Daphne

Simon: If you need me, I’ll be in the den upstairs

8:16pm, Fri 11 Apr – ABCDEFGH & Co.

hyacinth: which one of you put me next to danbury and her grandson 😃😃😃

Kate: You weren’t supposed to be!

Kate: You were with Greg and Felicity and Geoffrey

Anthony: Colin.

Kate: No, Colin’s with Edwina and Jyoti’s table

Anthony: No I mean he’s moved some name cards around.

hyacinth: colin you sick twisted man

hyacinth: you sick sick raggedy man

hyacinth: when i catch you

hyacinth: you WILL fear for your life

Benedict: Much as I’m enjoying whatever this is

Benedict: He and Dankworth are at the bar. I don’t think he’s seeing your texts

Daphne: Sorry but am I missing something, Hy?

Daphne: Do you have some sort of issue with Danbury…?

8:19pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: posy, to: Sophie; Francesca; eloise; hyacinth

[posy renamed the chat: “hot guy???”]

posy: Who is the guy sitting next to Fran??

Francesca: Michael’s not here yet 🙂

posy: I was talking about the guy on your left!

eloise: you mean hugh?

posy: Hugh 👀

posy: Do you know him? Well?

Francesca: Vaguely

Francesca: He’s a friend of Ben’s through Henry? Or Gen?

Francesca: Can’t remember now

Francesca: Colin must’ve switched my name card around I’ve no idea why I’m seated here

Sophie: Hugh’s actually a friend of mine! His mum is neighbours with us in Wiltshire

Sophie: He's a guest but he also offered to take some pictures because Daphne's photographer connect fell through

posy: So you’ve just been hiding this man ??

Sophie: Do you want me to introduce you? 😅

Francesca: Or you can just take my seat, Pose

Francesca: I need to get a drink anyways

8:23pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: eloise, to: Felicity

eloise: can you make sure hyacinth doesnt injure herself for me

eloise: she keeps stumbling and I am legitimately concerned

Felicity: Yeah of course

Felicity: I didn’t realise she took the height comment so personally 😅

Felicity: But I guess it makes sense that once she knew Gareth was coming she’d want to show him

eloise: back up back up

eloise: what height comment

eloise: who is gareth

8:29pm, Fri 11 Apr – Featheringhuns

Prudence: I thought your doctor said it wasn’t okay for you to drink while you’re still breastfeeding?

Phillipa: One or two should be fineee

Phillipa: We’re Irish

Felicity: We’re not Irish?

Phillipa: Yes we are

Phillipa: Aren’t we?

Prudence: Like an eighth, I think

Felicity: How is this something neither of you know for sure?

Prudence: Ask Penelope, she'd know

8:32pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Felicity, to: Penelope

Felicity: Are we Irish??

Penelope: Like an eighth, yeah

Penelope: On dad’s side

Felicity: Me just finding this out

Penelope: He’s dead 🤷

Penelope: He’s also the reason the bank foreclosed on our old house, so I don’t think any of us remember him or his side of the family as nicely anymore

Felicity: Cool so I didn’t know that either

Penelope: Yeah

Penelope: Sometimes I forget how young you were when the majority of that happened

Penelope: Was gonna go get an éclair – do you want anything? 😊

Felicity: I’m okay I need a moment

Felicity: To process this

8:52pm, Fri 11 Apr – bullshite

Sophie: You figured out the name card thing, right?

Sophie: I’m assuming yes because Anthony looks a little more relaxed now

eloise: don’t know about the name cards

eloise: but I did swipe his phone and set it to do not disturb

eloise: hence – ppl aren’t bugging him with shit

eloise: if one of you could do the same for kate, we’ll be aces

Benedict: Kate’s not going to hand over her phone?

eloise: did you think anthony voluntarily gave me his

9:05pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Benedict, to: Sophie

Benedict: Do you need saving?

Sophie: No! Not at all

Sophie: I was trying to eavesdrop on Posy and Hugh when she started chatting with me, but I didn’t mind

Sophie: I feel like she really took to me

Sophie: Said I could call her Charlotte 😅

Benedict: Major

Benedict: Even I’m not on a first-name basis

Sophie: She’s actually a fascinating woman

Sophie: Also found out we’re both avid Whistledown readers?

Benedict: Really?

Benedict: Why can’t I picture someone like her even knowing about that sort of a thing

Sophie: No she said one of her staffers put her on!

Sophie: Apparently her paper’s editorial team even had a bit of a pool going last year, to see if anyone could identify who runs the account

Sophie: But even they came up short

Sophie: Actually found it fascinating that even they couldn’t figure it out

9:11pm, Fri 11 Apr – hot guy???

posy: ok so friend’s pulled him away

posy: but when he gets back i’m gonna slip him my number

posy: does anyone have a pen?

[hyacinth added Penelope to the chat]

hyacinth: there’s a pen

eloise: you’re a thoroughly unhelpful person

hyacinth: yes i’ve never claimed otherwise

Penelope: What’s going on?

eloise: you have anything to write with on you? posy wants to give sophie’s friend her number

Penelope: I’ve got a red lipstick?

posy: that’ll do!

posy: actually perfect for the vibe i’m going for 😛

Penelope: Just be careful with the cap!

Penelope: That thing stains very easily

9:19pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: eloise, to: Edwina

eloise: you look very concentrated on something

Edwina: I’m plotting to steal my sister away from your brother

Edwina: He’s danced the last three songs with her

Edwina: Like, sir it’s my turn!

eloise: you’ve got a wholeass fiance right next to you 😭 doesn’t she want to dance?

Edwina: Jyoti and I aren’t engaged?

9:20pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: eloise, to: Penelope

[eloise sent a screenshot]

eloise: BAH

Penelope: You are terrible

eloise: I’M BAD WITH SECRETS

eloise: what do I do

Penelope: Just say they’ve been together long enough that in your mind they’re basically engaged?

9:21pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: eloise, to: Edwina

eloise: you’re practically engaged in my head mb

eloise: but yeah, where is jyoti?

Edwina: She has a nut allergy! She didn’t realise there were cashew halves in the pilaf, so she’s gone to chuck her plate

eloise: oh fuck I'm so sorry?

eloise: are there no proper allergy warnings?

Edwina: I think they just missed that one? Colin caught it in time, don’t worry

eloise: agh

eloise: no because he and felicity both have allergies, and they're not even food ones, but it annoys me so so much when they're not taken seriously

eloise: you have me paranoid now, let me double check the food that's out real quick

9:23pm, Fri 11 Apr – Bridgerton Family GC

Kate: Hy, are you okay??

Kate: Wait why do I have so many unreads

eloise: probably spam

hyacinth: fine fine fine I'm fine!

Benedict: What happened?

hyacinth: don’t worry ab it

9:23pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: eloise, to: Kate

eloise: what happened to hy?

Kate: Saw her nearly take a tumble! Danbury’s grandson was standing next to her, and he caught her before she fell, but I’d just wanted to check in

Kate: Make sure her ankle was okay

Kate: Any chance you know why my phone’s been set to Do Not Disturb?

9:23pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: gregory, to: Francesca

gregory: 😭

gregory: you saw that right

Francesca: Yes.

Francesca: They all flocked to him the second he walked in

gregory: wot

Francesca: What

gregory: i was talking about hyacinth tripping and falling

gregory: what were you talking about??

9:24pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: eloise, to: hyacinth

eloise: you broke a heel didn’t you

eloise: that’s why you almost fell

hyacinth: no

eloise: you did

eloise: I can see you, you’ve got a shoe in hand right now

hyacinth: DON'T LOOK AT ME

eloise: oh my god hyacinth

eloise: how much were they??

eloise: they’re not gonna let you return them now!

hyacinth: STOP texting me if you’re not gonna be helpful

eloise: yeah I did not say I was texting you to be helpful

eloise: emulating you, really

hyacinth: wish penelope laughed at less of ur jokes because clearly she's tricked you into thinking ur funnyyy

eloise: no fine ok, I'm sorry 😭

eloise: will find you some glue and we can fix it

9:26pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Daphne, to: eloise

Daphne: Where are you going?

eloise: need superglue from the den upstairs

Daphne: I can fetch it for you?

eloise: no I’ve got it

Daphne: Are you sure sure? Because I’d be happy to

9:27pm, Fri 11 Apr – two tots and a thot

Francesca: Colin why did you move my bloody name card around?

9:27pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: eloise, to: Daphne

eloise: fine

eloise: but only because I have something else to deal w

eloise: should be in the second topmost lefthand drawer of mum’s desk

9:27pm, Fri 11 Apr – two tots and a thot

colin: i didn’t!

colin: swear to god i didn’t

colin: i know i made it out like i shuffled a bunch around but i only actually moved hyacinth’s

eloise: frannie you can sit wherever you want by now, they’re literal pieces of paper

eloise: or go mingle!

eloise: or come dance with me!

colin: or me!

eloise: she doesn’t want to dance with you, she wants to be alone obviously

colin: i literally just said the same thing as you bro

9:33pm, Fri 11 Apr – hot guy???

posy: Penelope, I’ve got your lippy!

posy: You weren’t kidding it stains like crazy

posy: You’d think I had red dye on my fingertips

posy: Where are you?

9:34pm, Fri 11 Apr – In-Laws

Sophie: Colin's asked Penelope to dance!!!

eloise: I thought this wasn’t something you routinely talked about

9:35pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Sophie, to: Kate; Simon

Sophie: Is there a way for us to politely ask her to leave that chat

Sophie: Because I can't live like this

9:40pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Agatha, to: Violet

Agatha: Where's that son of yours?

Violet: You'll have to specify which one.

Agatha: The one who works for me.

Agatha: Never mind, I see him 🧐

9:41pm, Fri 11 Apr – ✨ girlboss / gaslight / gregory ✨

gregory: take a shot every time fran takes a shot

eloise: someone go join her for me?

eloise: or slow her down

hyacinth: can't

hyacinth: i have this thing where my heel just broke and someone's meant to get me glue

gregory: i’ll go

9:40pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: eloise, to: Daphne

eloise: hey did you find the glue by any chance ?

9:42pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Benedict, to: Felicity

Benedict: Just bumped into your mum

Felicity: I am so sorry 🙏

Benedict: No no! I was going to say, she was telling me you just finished the piece you’d showed me and Soph a few months ago

Felicity: Oh! Yeah

Felicity: I don’t know that I can call it real piece haha I’d just been tending to it whenever I had free time

Felicity: But it is done, and I think it came out nice-ish?

Benedict: Love that

Benedict: Would love to see the final thing some time

Benedict: But it reminded me, there’s a modern art exhibit opening at my good friend’s gallery in a couple weeks or so

Benedict: Lot of people will be there

Benedict: A few very established artists included

Benedict: Just thought you might want to come! Sophie, Kate, and I are all going

Felicity: Really?

Felicity: That’d be awesome! Thanks

Benedict: Anytime 😊

Benedict: Also while I have you

Benedict: Can I ask you a question about gifs

9:44pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: eloise, to: Edwina

eloise: potential allergens all accounted for now, I've triple-checked

eloise: including the desserts

eloise: sorry about that

[Edwina loved a message: potential allergens all accounted for now, I've triple-checked]

Edwina: Do you need help with anything by the way?

Edwina: Realised Penelope's usually with you when you're running around, but I noticed she’s talking to Colin and Mrs. D!

9:46pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Felicity, to: hyacinth

Felicity: Why are you sitting by yourself?

hyacinth: 😫

hyacinth: heel gave out on me

Felicity: Diva down?

hyacinth: stop😭😭

Felicity: No, I'm sorry 😭 Were you standing when it happened?

Felicity: Is your ankle okay?

hyacinth: yes

hyacinth: and yes

hyacinth: i dont want to talk about it

Felicity: Okay?

Felicity: Here, if you want, Geoffrey and I will come sit with you

Felicity: We’ll people watch

9:57pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: gregory, to: Archie

gregory: are u still up?

Archie: It’s 10 on a Friday night

Archie: So yeah

gregory: at home?

Archie: Yes

gregory: stay where you are

Archie: So long as you’re not coming to serenade me

gregory: i’m a little bit tipsy so

gregory: can’t promise you that

10:01pm, Fri 11 Apr – ✨ girlboss / gaslight / gregory ✨

eloise: where has greg gone?

gregory: i decided to take a shot🤓

eloise: where, at the bar? I don’t see you

eloise: who is watching fran? where did she go?

eloise: ugh

eloise: hyacinth, where are you?

hyacinth: where is my promised GLUE?

eloise: no idea

eloise: daphne’s been gone for ages

eloise: forget her, I’ll get it for you now

10:02pm, Fri 11 Apr – bullshite

Sophie: Has anyone seen Simon? Anthony has a question about the new candles he bought for the cake

Sophie: Namely how Violet’s supposed to blow them out if they keep relighting themselves

Benedict: He’s probably snuck off somewhere quiet to watch the Man City game

Sophie: Wouldn’t the match be over by now?

Benedict: Yeah but high chance he never came back

Benedict: He’s probably in the den upstairs or something

eloise: thank fuck you said that holy shit

Benedict: …you’re welcome?

10:02pm, Fri 11 Apr – ✨ girlboss / gaslight / gregory ✨

eloise: hyacinth I can’t get your glue rn

eloise: you’re just gonna have to deal

10:14pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Daphne, to: eloise

Daphne: Oh god, sorry! Yes I found it, I’m coming downstairs right now

eloise: 😶

eloise: it’s fine now

eloise: think hyacinth’s gone to her room, so we’ll just have to glue her heel back on tomorrow.

Daphne: The glue was for her shoe?

Daphne: Why didn’t you tell me this was time-sensitive?

eloise: because I had a million other things to juggle and I didn’t really think I had to explicitly ask you NOT to shag your husband for you to go retrieve it in a timely manner

Daphne: That wasn’t what we were doing!!!

eloise: sure

Daphne: No I swear!! That wasn't what delayed me!

Daphne: Augie just called us with an update!

eloise: am I just meant to know who “augie” is

11:32pm, Fri 11 Apr – the Real middle children

Benedict: Afters anyone?

eloise: this is a family thing?

Benedict: No

Benedict: Kate and Anthony just said they wanted to hit Mondrichs’, and I think Simon and Daff might already be there

Benedict: I think they’re celebrating the party being over more than anything, but since Soph and I were thinking of joining

Benedict: And since Sophie likes to include everyone

colin: there it is

Benedict: I’m asking you guys as well

Francesca: I think I’m calling it a night

eloise: drink water for me?

Francesca: I’ll be okay

colin: are we inviting the rugrats

Benedict: Greg’s gone off somewhere but Soph’s gone upstairs to convince Hyacinth into coming, so we’ll see

eloise: I’m gonna get something to eat I think

eloise: never really got a chance to sit down

[Benedict liked a message: I’m gonna get something to eat I think]

Benedict: Colin? Wanna come with us?

colin: yea why not

colin: cap to a nice night

11:34pm, Fri 11 Apr – from: Sophie, to: hyacinth

Sophie: Hy, will you open the door?

Sophie: Daphne told me about your shoe, I’m so sorry :(

Sophie: Though I’m also sure you could return them, easy! A heel shouldn’t break on you like that

Sophie: But don’t sulk. Come out with us!

hyacinth: im not sulking

hyacinth: i’m j plotting

Sophie: On...?

hyacinth: on colin

Sophie: Okay, sure! But you can also do at that Mondrichs' too

Sophie: Come on, get up

Sophie: Leaving in 5

Sophie: 4

Sophie: 3

Sophie: 2

hyacinth: how long will it take to get there

Sophie: 🤗

Sophie: Twenty minutes if we leave now

Sophie: But we didn’t get to hang all night so come, you catch me up on your night, and I’ll catch you up on mine

12:00am, Sat 12 Apr – from: eloise, to: Violet

eloise: let me be the first to wish you a happy birthday on the actual day

Violet: Thank you, sweet

eloise: did you have a good night?

Violet: I did. It meant so much to me to have everyone together.

Violet: Did you?

eloise: yeah :) exhausting but yeah

eloise: penelope and I just got back home, and buttercup is already trying to swipe my fries

eloise: this cat is relentless

Violet: 😂

Violet: Thank you for the wishes. I love you.

eloise: love you. goodnight mum 💙

Violet: Goodnight

9:13am, Sat 12 Apr – everyone please text here instead of the family group chat because colin’s cell phone plan doesn’t have the best coverage and sometimes it costs him £4.99 per text or something like that

hyacinth: hello family

hyacinth: i’m reviving this chat because i have an idea

hyacinth: but colin can’t know about it

eloise: no

hyacinth: i haven’t even said what it is yet

eloise: “i have an idea” already I just know it’s not gonna be good

[Benedict laughed at a message: “i have an idea” already I just know it’s not gonna be good]

hyacinth: haters

Benedict: She made me laugh, was all

Kate: I kind of want to hear it?

hyacinth: thank you kate 😤

hyacinth: u know they simply hate to see a girlboss win

hyacinth: sophie gave me this idea last nite actually

Sophie: I did?

hyacinth: yes

hyacinth: you know how you were telling me mum’s friend was telling you the newspaper she owns had some kind of a wager going over whistledown?

hyacinth: i was thinking we could have something like that of our own

hyacinth: but about colin and penelope

eloise: what about them?

hyacinth: i just have this feeling

hyacinth: that they’re about to lose focus and have a consensual workplace relationship

Daphne: 👀

Francesca: Boo

Francesca: *For the incredibly dated joke

hyacinth: but you know what i meant by it

gregory: no lol

hyacinth: yes!

hyacinth: felicity and i have been with them all week, AND we were watching them last night. like i am actually very confident in this.

gregory: no we’re all confident in it

gregory: everyone knows whats up

9:18am, Sat 12 Apr – In-Laws

[eloise left “In-Laws”]

9:18am, Sat 12 Apr – everyone please text here instead of the family group chat because colin’s cell phone plan doesn’t have the best coverage and sometimes it costs him £4.99 per text or something like that

gregory: i just meant the wager.

gregory: i’m saying no to a wager.

hyacinth: why?

gregory: something like that just wouldn’t be fair?

gregory: you’d have such a distinct advantage over us you literally work at the same place as them both

gregory: eloise would have an advantage too she lives with penelope

gregory: also daphne! colin tells her everything

Daphne: 🥰

gregory: completely unfair to the rest of us. why would i bother betting against any of you?

Anthony: I’m also not a huge fan of this idea.

9:20am, Sat 12 Apr – from: Kate, to: Anthony

Kate: ?

Kate: Why?

Kate: It would be like

Kate: VERY easy money

9:21am, Sat 12 Apr – everyone please text here instead of the family group chat because colin’s cell phone plan doesn’t have the best coverage and sometimes it costs him £4.99 per text or something like that

hyacinth: ok greg being a coward is understandable

hyacinth: but anthony! 🥺

hyacinth: you’re the most competitive person i know

Kate: What? What about me?

hyacinth: you can be tied for most competitive, how’s that

eloise: why do I get the feeling you’re only wanting to do this because you lost so much money on your shoes?

9:23am, Sat 12 Apr – crochet club

gregory: i thought it was payback for colin inviting danbury’s grandson last night

eloise: also a high-ranking possibility

Francesca: Which grandson?

gregory: your attention was somewhere else yesterday wasn’t it

eloise: felicity told me, it’s the guy whose dad ran for PM

eloise: gareth st. clair

Francesca: Noted

9:24am, Sat 12 Apr – everyone please text here instead of the family group chat because colin’s cell phone plan doesn’t have the best coverage and sometimes it costs him £4.99 per text or something stupid like that

Francesca: Yeah don’t take her up on this

Francesca: The timing is very suspect

hyacinth: it’s not about the money!

hyacinth: i’ve just gotten to spend a lot more time with colin lately, and penelope is my friend

hyacinth: and i thought it’d be fun

Simon: I’m… down

9:24am, Sat 12 Apr – from: Daphne, to: Simon

Daphne: ?

Simon: 🤷🏽

Simon: It’s Colin

Simon: Do you know what I mean

9:25am, Sat 12 Apr – everyone please text here instead of the family group chat because colin’s cell phone plan doesn’t have the best coverage and sometimes it costs him £4.99 per text or something stupid like that

hyacinth: yesssss

hyacinth: who else wants in

Sophie: I do

Kate: Me too

hyacinth: excellent

hyacinth: i’m gonna start a gdoc

Daphne: …I’m in too.

[hyacinth loved a message: …I’m in too.]

hyacinth: u are my favourite sister 💖

eloise: she called you bigfoot the other day

Daphne: What?

[hyacinth renamed the chat: “WAGER”]

[hyacinth removed eloise from “WAGER”]

hyacinth: any other takers?

hyacinth: going once

hyacinth: going twice

[Benedict added eloise to “WAGER”]

Violet: We’re placing bets on the day?

hyacinth: that’s the idea

hyacinth: whoever picks the correct date, or lands the closest to it

hyacinth: winner's prerogative, but they get to be the person to break it to colin afterwards

hyacinth: that we were alllllll waiting on him to get his act together

Violet: I see.

Violet: I think I’ll throw my hat in the ring too.

hyacinth: u are my favourite mother 😌

Benedict: Do you have more than one mother?

9:28am, Sat 12 Apr – from: Anthony, to: Benedict

Anthony: Chime in and tell them this is a bad idea.

Benedict: Why

Benedict: I was about to say I’d do it too

Anthony: Benedict.

Benedict: Because she’s made a compelling point

Benedict: It would be so deeply glorious to tell Gossip Girl, of all people

Benedict: That all along

Benedict: We were in on something he wasn’t

Benedict: And good for him and Penelope or whatever, but the first thing –

Benedict: Glorious

Anthony: Great, so you’ve just forgotten about Francesca’s bridal shower?

Benedict: …

Benedict: I was doing an incredible job of repressing the memory until just now actually

Anthony: So you do remember?

Benedict: Yes unfortunately

Anthony: And you understand what I’m getting at?

Benedict: Okay no yeah I do

9:30am, Sat 12 Apr – WAGER

Benedict: Yeah I think I’m with Ant

Benedict: I don’t think this is a good idea

gregory: i said it wasn’t a good idea before anthony did??

9:31am, Sat 12 Apr – from: Sophie, to: Benedict

Sophie: ?

Sophie: Haven’t you always said Colin is full of it?

Sophie: Calling himself the family matchmaker and all?

Sophie: Is this not your chance to turn the tables on him?

9:31am, Sat 12 Apr – WAGER

Anthony: It’s just that Colin is the very last person to take well to any of us nosing around his love life.

Simon: Think that's Hyacinth's point, mate

Benedict: But even if he wasn’t, you realise he’s been very tetchy lately

hyacinth: k no one said you HAVE to participate

hyacinth: we already have enough takers

Sophie: How much are we each throwing in?

hyacinth: let’s say 20 quid

Kate: Make it an even 30

Simon: 20 is even as well?

Kate: You know what I meant

Sophie: £30 sounds good

gregory: wait ok i would be willing to change my mind

eloise: he’s just done the math on how much money is being pooled

hyacinth: he can do maths?

[gregory disliked a message: he’s just done the math on how much money is being pooled]

[gregory disliked a message: he can do maths?]

gregory: as i was saying

gregory: i would be down but only if we put down some ground rules

hyacinth: like what?

gregory: like no one should be allowed to meddle

gregory: or do anything to sway the outcome

gregory: we’re not doing anything to set colin and penelope up, we’re only placing bets on when it is they get together

Daphne: That makes sense to me?

Francesca: I thought that’s what we were already doing to be honest

Violet: When you say meddling, what do you mean?

Benedict: Oh please.

Violet: I’d just like some specificity?

Sophie: I think it’s that Hyacinth is right to say that they are spending a lot of time together

Sophie: So we just shouldn't try to involve ourselves in whatever's going on?

Sophie: I’m speaking for Greg, but I think that’s what he meant

Anthony: If that’s the case, then I guess I’m not so opposed.

Benedict: …same

hyacinth: fine by me

hyacinth: no messing with either colin or penelope in order to secure your win – it will be considered cheating!

[hyacinth shared a link]

hyacinth: here’s the doc

hyacinth: i made a calendar 😇

hyacinth: put yer names down

9:37am, Sat 12 Apr – from: Simon, to: Daphne

Simon: Which day are you picking?

Simon: Never mind I see your cursor in the doc

Daphne: Don’t choose the same day as me!

Simon: Why not?

Simon: You’re probably gonna be right on the money anyways

Daphne: 🥰

Daphne: But no seriously pick a different day

9:37am, Sat 12 Apr – from: Anthony, to: Kate

Anthony: Feels like there should be a special prize if I beat you at this AND Pall Mall back-to-back?

9:37am, Sat 12 Apr – from: Benedict, to: Sophie

Benedict: I think you’re the only one going as late as June

Sophie: I just really believe in June 9th

Benedict: Nice

Benedict: No but actually, where are you putting your name down?

Sophie: Okay yeah – I was thinking that if we want to win, then strategically, we should cover our bases

Sophie: Everyone seems to be spreading out over the rest of April

Sophie: I think you should nail a date somewhere there just in case, and I’ll go for mid-May?

Benedict: Let’s do it

9:39am, Sat 12 Apr – from: Kate, to: Anthony

Kate: Sorry didn’t see this

Kate: I was too busy picking the correct date! ❤️

9:40am, Sat 12 Apr – from: posy, to: Sophie

posy: Can vets write prescriptions for humans?

Sophie: Not really no

Sophie: What’s wrong?

posy: 🥺

posy: Call me please

9:40am, Sat 12 Apr – from: gregory, to: Kate

gregory: proposition for u

Kate: Is it about starting Ned today?

gregory: …no

Kate: Then I don’t want to hear it

gregory: youth sports has really come between our best friendism because omfg?

9:40am, Sat 12 Apr – from: gregory, to: Daphne

gregory: heyyy

gregory: actually i just remembered u told me the wrong time last nite

9:41am, Sat 12 Apr – from: gregory, to: Sophie

gregory: i have an idea for a classic greg sophie mess around

gregory: not u turning your back on me too…….

9:39am, Sat 12 Apr – crochet club

gregory: 🤓

eloise: what do you want

gregory: do you think we can like

gregory: form alliances

Francesca: What do you mean?

gregory: like we’ll all spread out on the dates we pick, and if one of us wins, we can split the money

eloise: weren’t you just on your high horse about the integrity of this bet?

gregory: i was and it’s called the long con

gregory: no one will suspect me of cheating now

Francesca: I don’t understand your brain

gregory: and you don’t have to

eloise: I didn’t say I was doing this by the way

gregory: nooo we need you

gregory: you’re the one who’s got an in with penelope

gregory: plus you know hyacinth is gonna cheat anyways

gregory: we have to best her!!

Francesca: Hyacinth does see Colin and Pen every other day

Francesca: So, it would be kind of funny if the three of us pulled this off

gregory: do it! do it! do it! do it!

eloise: ugh

eloise: fine. I will pick whatever date you tell me to.

9:44am, Sat 12 Apr – from: Sophie, to: gregory

Sophie: I was talking to Posy! Sorry

Sophie: What did you need? What mess around?

9:45am, Sat 12 Apr – WAGER

hyacinth: 👀

hyacinth: are we done?

Anthony: 👍

Violet: Yes.

Daphne: Can I still change mine?

hyacinth: you have ten seconds

Daphne: Okay never mind

Daphne: Trusting my gut instinct

hyacinth: great. locking the doc now

hyacinth: best of luck to everyone 😈

9:56am, Sat 12 Apr – from: Sophie, to: eloise

Sophie: Are you alright with us doing this?

eloise: yes?

eloise: I put my name on the calendar didn’t I

Sophie: I saw!

Sophie: Just wanted to be sure we weren’t annoying you with any of it

11:34am, Sat 12 Apr – city girlsssss

Francesca: Can I ask for opinions on something?

gregory: ya

hyacinth: this is literally supposed to be our sisters chat u guys what is GREG doing in here?

gregory: wym

gregory: i can hang

gregory: i’m a city girl at heart

hyacinth: i’ve had enough

[hyacinth renamed the chat: community pool]

eloise: ? 😭

Daphne: What did you want to ask Fran?

Francesca: Thank you, yeah

Francesca: So there’s a semi-private screening for Michael’s film coming up

Francesca: It’s on one of his off-days from shooting his new project

Francesca: We were meant to go together but last night I sort of let Phillipa convince me into letting her set me up with one of her husband’s friends?

Francesca: And now I don’t want to leave him hanging

Francesca: Do you think there’s anyone I could pair him up with?

hyacinth: me

Francesca: Do you think there’s anyone suitable I could pair him up with?

hyacinth: 😐

Francesca: I was thinking of Penelope, but it’s a Wednesday night, and I don’t know what her schedule looks like

colin: penelope who

Francesca: What do you mean, Penelope who?

Francesca: Penelope Featherington, obviously

11:38am, Sat 12 Apr – WAGER

hyacinth: ok so frannie is out

Francesca: Out of what?

[hyacinth sent a screenshot]

hyacinth: the wager. you’ve been disqualified.

hyacinth: press f to pay your respects

gregory: f

Benedict: F

Francesca: ??

Francesca: How?

Francesca: We’re not even two hours in?

hyacinth: what other reason could there be to tell us you’re setting michael up with penelope in a chat colin is also in?

Francesca: I said I MIGHT set them up, and this bet was the furthest thing from my mind when I suggested it

Daphne: I think Hyacinth makes a fair point?

Daphne: He leapt into the conversation the second you said her name

eloise: be as that may

eloise: fran is not the instigator you’re making her out to be

Francesca: Thank you

hyacinth: ehhh

hyacinth: let’s take it to a vote

hyacinth: three votes, and fran’s disqualified for cheating

hyacinth: all in favour, drop literally any emoji in the chat

Daphne: 💁

Benedict: 🤡

Francesca: Why did you pick a clown

Benedict: I think you know why

Sophie: (I’m sorry)

Sophie: 💖

Francesca: Are you kidding

Simon: 🐦

Francesca: Simon???

Violet: 😊

Francesca: Okay we’re well past three votes, everyone can stop.

hyacinth: womp wommmmmp

hyacinth: frannie, it looks like you are out of the running

hyacinth: let this be a lesson to all to follow the rules and not cheat!

Francesca: I didn’t cheat!!

Francesca: I didn’t!!!!

Francesca: I’m not a cheater!!!

Benedict: Look at all those exclamation points

Benedict: She knows what she did

gregory: smh

11:42am, Sat 12 Apr – crochet club

Francesca: Greg!

gregory: i can’t ACT like we’re in cahoots!

11:42am, Sat 12 Apr – WAGER

Francesca: This is ridiculous.

Francesca: All of you are ridiculous

Francesca: And this wager was stupid

Daphne: Rules are rules!

[hyacinth emphasized a message: Rules are rules!]

Francesca: So what? That’s what this whole thing’s gonna be then?

Francesca: You’re all gonna act this gung-ho over a little bet?

Benedict: Are you new here or something

11:45am, Sat 12 Apr – crochet club

gregory: sorry :/

gregory: tho i want it to be known that i did NOT vote against you

Francesca: Yes and thank you for speaking up when I was getting disqualified

2:33pm, Sat 12 Apr – Bridgerton Family GC

Violet: Thank you for the party last night, all my darling angels.

Violet: The greatest gift in life is family. I told Eloise this, but I’m so thankful we all got to be in the same place yesterday.

Violet: Thank you also for the birthday wishes today. I feel like such a blessed woman. Sending love right back to each and every one of you.

2:43pm, Sat 12 Apr – Bridgerton Family GC

[Violet sent a photo]

Violet: Does anyone know who did this to my plant?

Sophie: What... is that?

Francesca: That's one of those Maitre Chouix éclairs isn't it?

Francesca: Or half of one, at least

Simon: I never got to try one 🤔

Sophie: And you’re better off for it

Kate: They were GOOD!

Kate: They went so quickly! People liked them

Sophie: If you say so 😪

colin: i think it was fran who did it

Francesca: No it wasn’t?

Francesca: I didn't get to try an éclair either

hyacinth: probably because you were too busy shoving them into potted plants?

Francesca: It wasn't me!!!

colin: look at all those exclamation points

colin: it was fran i fear…

hyacinth: fran i think it’s only right if you get mum a new mini orange tree

Francesca: I would be happy to replace it, but I want it on the record that I didn’t do this

Violet: No I’ve cleaned the cream off by now, but please.

Violet: Also, someone’s gifted me tickets to the Smythe-Smith musicale for Tuesday, but I can’t go. Would anyone else want to take them?

Benedict: Who gave you those

Benedict: You should know they probably don't like you very much

Daphne: Don’t be so mean?

Violet: Would you like the tickets, Daphne?

Daphne: No sorry we have a thing

Benedict: That’s what I thought.

colin: i’m gonna be exhausted from packing i don’t feel like i can take them either

gregory: yeah and i’ve got a date that night

hyacinth: with archie haselby?

gregory: ye

Kate: We’ll take two.

Anthony: We will?

Daphne: Who is Archie Haselby?

Daphne: I thought you were seeing Honoria Smythe-Smith?

hyacinth: they broke up right before valentines

Kate: Yes.

Kate: Those girls work very hard to put on a good show for charity every year.

Daphne: No one told me this?

gregory: it wasn’t a big deal

gregory: tho i’m sure she’d appreciate if i steered clear of the musicale anyway

Anthony: I guess we could see if Edwina and Jyoti are free to babysit.

Kate: Texting them now

Daphne: I feel so out of the loop? When did people stop wanting to tell me things? 😞

gregory: it’s not that i didnt want to tell you! you’ve just been busy w augie

eloise: can we not have two conversations going on at once

eloise: it hurts my brain

Violet: So that’s two for Kate and Anthony, but I still have two more tickets to give away. Anyone else?

hyacinth: sorry mum

hyacinth: i have a ticket already

hyacinth: my work friends roped me into coming with them

hyacinth: if anyone else wants to change their mind, they’re welcome to join us

2:48pm, Sat 12 Apr – crochet club

gregory:

Francesca: You caught that right?

gregory: YEAH

2:49pm, Sat 12 Apr – WAGER

Francesca: Looks like Hyacinth is disqualified!

hyacinth: what did i do??

Francesca: “My work friends roped me into joining them”

Francesca: Why did you have to mention your work friends at all?

Francesca: Could’ve just said “I’m already going!” and left it at that

hyacinth: that’s such a reach?

hyacinth: i didn’t SAY i was going with penelope

eloise: yeah but who are your work friends other than felicity and penelope

hyacinth: i have plenty of work friends

eloise: name one of them then. quickly.

hyacinth: tom dorset

Simon: I thought he left a few weeks ago?

hyacinth: 🤥

hyacinth: simon you used to like to keep most of these group chats muted

hyacinth: what ever happened to that

Sophie: So does this mean Hyacinth is getting disqualified? From her own wager?

hyacinth: no

Francesca: Yes

hyacinth: it was an innocent comment wtf!! he already said he couldn’t go

hyacinth: this is vindictive i haven’t done anything wrong

Francesca: We’ll see about that

Francesca: Three emojis and Hyacinth is disqualified for cheating

eloise: 👤

gregory: 👥

hyacinth: OK TRAITORS?

Anthony: I’m sorry to do this.

hyacinth: do what

Anthony: But I do see the point Francesca is making.

hyacinth:

hyacinth: NOT YOU??????????

hyacinth: ANTHONY

Anthony: If she was disqualified for mentioning Penelope, then I think it’s reasonable to say you brought her up to Colin in a similar capacity.

hyacinth: IT WASN’T SIMILAR

Anthony: I would see the argument in your favour if you’d merely referred to her, but since you added, “if anyone wants to change their mind,” that implies that you were egging Colin into changing his mind because Penelope was going.

Simon: Hey can you guys tell Anthony practises law

hyacinth: YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON I EXPECTED TO DO THIS TO ME

hyacinth: WEREN’T YOU THE SECOND PERSON TO EVER HOLD ME AS A BABY

Anthony: Yes? Though I don’t see how that’s related to what we’re talking about.

Benedict: Did you assume he’d be giving you a pass because you’re the youngest

hyacinth: YES WAS THAT SO UNREASONABLE OF ME??

Anthony: Following the thought process above, I think it’s only fair that you’re held to the same standard as everyone else.

Anthony: 👍

hyacinth: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Francesca: HA

Francesca: Three votes!

Francesca: Thank you Anthony :)

hyacinth: this was UNJUST

hyacinth: literally all of these ppl had it out for me

Francesca: Yeah I wasn’t hiding that

Francesca: I wanted to see you lose.

eloise: so did I

gregory: i was actively praying on your downfall

Anthony: I didn’t want to see you lose!

Anthony: But we did agree a few hours ago to not meddle.

2:54pm, Sat 12 Apr – from: eloise, to: hyacinth

eloise: sorry about your shoes though

hyacinth: don’t text rn i’m in shock

11:06am, Sun 12 Apr – from: gregory, to: Felicity

gregory: felicity
[sent with Echo]

gregory: 😁
[sent with Echo]

Felicity: Hey! How did things with Archie go?

gregory: very well :)

gregory: they said it couldn’t be done but i’ve successfully annoyed him into going on a date w me on tues

gregory: like a real one

Felicity: Well done 👏

gregory: 😘

gregory: tell you more later

gregory: but i was texting to ask if you have penelope’s email?

gregory: the only one i can find in my contact list is [email protected] and i feeeel like that’s probably not her current address?

Felicity: Hahahahaha

Felicity: I completely forgot she ever made that

Felicity: No I don't think she’s ever used that one but here

[Felicity shared a contact]

gregory: double kisses thank u 😘😘

Felicity: Is this related to your bet? About her and Colin?

Felicity: Hyacinth was telling me about it yesterday

Felicity: I would’ve wanted in but I sort of got the sense it’s more that she’s still annoyed about Gareth, so I think I’ll let her have this

gregory: you’re gonna laugh lmfaoo

gregory: but she’s already lost

Felicity: I'm not even going to ask how that happened 😭

gregory: 😭😭😂

gregory: also only met gareth st. clair in passing, so you’ll have to tell me more ab him later

gregory: i cannot let eloise and colin get away with knowing more than me

gregory: but also please don’t tell any of them i asked for penelope’s email

Felicity: I’m staying out of it!

Felicity: Mostly

Felicity: It is my favourite sister, so

Felicity: I still have some vested interest

7:28pm, Sun 13 Apr – from: Kate, to: hyacinth

Kate: I’m thinking here

Kate: The reality is, everyone’s going to cheat

Kate: Like, let’s be honest!

Kate: We all see Colin and Penelope constantly

Kate: And if we can disqualify other people, then maybe, strategically speaking, this is more about catching others out than actually being right about the day

hyacinth: i’m assuming youre conferring with me bc i’ve already lost

Kate: Correct

Kate: And because I’m willing to cut you in

Kate: 20/80?

hyacinth: 35/65

Kate: 30/70

hyacinth: 34/66

Kate: Deal

Kate: Okay, so who is left? We need to do a rundown.

hyacinth: daff, simon, anthony, sophie, ben, eloise, greg, mum, and you

hyacinth: personally i feel like an eye needs to be kept out on daphne and mum

hyacinth: bc yeah they probably will cheat, but they’re sneakier than most ppl give them credit for

hyacinth: simon would cover for daphne’s cheating too

hyacinth: benedict and sophie would also cap for each other no matter what

Kate: No, Ben and Sophie are a house of cards

Kate: They might act facetiously, but they’ve got enough competitive energy to turn on each other at the first hint of betrayal

hyacinth: 👀 good to know…

Kate: Anthony might also pretend he’s mostly above something like this, but put a competition in front of him and he is a shark, regardless.

hyacinth: yes i am well-aware now 😫

Kate: Greg talked all that talk but he’s going to cheat as well

Kate: But – and I say this with love – he’ll also be somewhat clumsy about it

hyacinth: no it’s not gonna be hard to take him out the game lolol

Kate: Exactly

Kate: Which leaves Eloise

hyacinth: yea

Kate: Yeah

hyacinth: were you gonna say smth about her

Kate: …I was hoping you had insight

hyacinth:

Kate: I didn’t get the sense she was interested in doing it at first, but she put her name on the calendar?

Kate: So I can’t get a proper read

4:51pm, Mon 14 Apr – from: Violet, to: colin

colin: did you call me?

colin: went to jyoti’s to sign a few last papers but we’re just finishing up

Violet: I was just calling to ask if you’ll be home by 5:30 or so.

Violet: We still have some leftover cake from Friday, but it won’t get finished if it’s just me and Hyacinth.

Violet: Kate and Eloise said they’d come by around then, and Kate’s bringing the kids. Would you want to join us as well?

colin: you know me :)

colin: though i might be there a little late

colin: walked to jyoti’s office from work, and she’s over by audrey st

Violet: Take your time.

Violet: Though if you’re coming on foot, you could probably cut across Berkeley Square, no?

colin: oh honestly yeah you’re right

colin: thanks

colin: i’ll do that

5:32pm, Mon 14 Apr – Chai Hard

Kate: Penelope was invited today too??

hyacinth: was she??

Kate: I answered the door, she and Colin were both getting here at the SAME time

hyacinth: what did i tell you about mum?

hyacinth: she’s a sneak

hyacinth: gna say penelope’s here bc she’s a good friend or smth

eloise: have both of you lost your minds

eloise: like actually

eloise: mum invited me, so she invited pen.

eloise: penelope IS my good friend.

eloise: she’s also my roommate. we will probably go home together.

eloise: how’s her being here got anything to do with colin?

hyacinth: it’s just... a lil sus

hyacinth: how do we know the motive was innocent

eloise: don’t be deliberately dense hyacinth

eloise: you of all people know how often penelope is here

Kate: Okay no, Eloise might be right to say we’re losing the plot a little

Kate: But you don’t understand, I’ve known them each for over ten years now and it’s so easy to get a bit overzealous when you’ve known two people as long as that!!

eloise: yes because I met pen yesterday

5:37pm, Mon 14 Apr – from: Jyoti, to: Kate

Jyoti: kate!

Jyoti: your brother-in-law’s left his phone at my office

Jyoti: wondering if you could let him know

Kate: Colin?

Jyoti: yea! he just came by to sign a few things

Kate: Interesting

Jyoti: why is that interesting 😂

Kate: Hold for a minute.

Kate: I need to look into this

Jyoti: look into what?

Jyoti: kate? 😅

5:59pm, Mon 14 Apr – WAGER

Kate: Violet is out.

Violet: Me? Why?

Violet: I specifically did not tell Colin I’d also invited Penelope, you can ask him.

Kate: YES, and you were safe, but then Jyoti told me Colin was at her office!

Kate: Which was corroborated by Hyacinth, who said that her colleague Peggy said their colleague Fife said that Colin left Danbury’s half an hour before Penelope

Kate: Then I asked Colin how it was he and Penelope arrived at Number Five at the same time, because obviously they didn’t leave work together

Kate: And Colin said

Kate: That he took Berkeley Square on your suggestion!

Simon: Can you explain what we’re supposed to do with that

Simon: Because you lost me somewhere around Fife

eloise: penelope usually walks that way when she’s coming by number five, so she can pick up something from sainsburys or the like

eloise: she hates showing up empty-handed

eloise: which mum knows

gregory: MUM cheated?? 🤭

Benedict: Mum, what do you have to say for yourself?

Violet: I didn’t know that part was against the rules.

Daphne: We already watched two people dramatically get disqualified, and you didn’t know the rules?

Francesca: Only Hyacinth was dramatic about it

Violet: No. I didn’t.

Anthony: We have to vote on it, don’t we?

hyacinth: yea we do

Violet: Before you add your emoticons, keep in mind that it was just my birthday.

Daphne: 🍊

gregory: ☄️

Benedict: 😇

hyacinth: 👽

Anthony: 👍

Simon: I didn’t know Violet had opps like this oh my god

Violet: No, and I didn’t realise I raised you all to be such poor sports, either.

Daphne: If we’re all like this

Daphne: Then I think you kind of did?

8:36am, Tues 15 Apr – from: eloise, to: Penelope

eloise: hyacinth is saying she needs a ride to the musicale tn

Penelope: She can ride with us?

Penelope: Instead of going back to ours, I’ll come by Number Five after work and we can go from there

eloise: sounds gooooood

eloise: she wanted to return the heels she bought for mum’s bday but we should be back there by 4ish? and obv you know where the key is if we’re not back right on time

Penelope: You think they’ll take those shoes back?

eloise: no not a chance lolll

eloise: but I’m coming along bc I’m kinda looking forward to seeing her try

10:13am, Tues 15 Apr – Sharma-rama

Edwina: What’s this I hear about a pool?

Kate: Someone’s told you about that?

Edwina: We ran into Francesca this morning, and Jyoti was asking her why you needed to “investigate” something

Mary: Kyu?

Kate: Hyacinth had the idea to place money on Colin and Penelope Featherington

Kate: If they start seeing one another

Kate: Ainvayi

Kate: Though we’re trying not to meddle

Edwina: I say this very lovingly, because it's not like I'm not rooting for the same thing you are

Edwina: But it's very you guys to place bets on something like this

Edwina: Maybe if they’re together by June, Penelope can take my place for Pall Mall this year

Kate: What? What do you mean?

Edwina: What do you mean what do I mean

Kate: Why would you want Penelope to take your place?

Kate: You’re saying you don't like playing Pall Mall?

Edwina: No!

Edwina: That was just me making a joke, didi

10:16am, Tues 15 Apr – from: Edwina, to: Simon

Edwina: We are never getting out of that croquet game

Simon: I could’ve told you that years ago

Edwina: 😔

3:46pm, Tues 15 Apr – Number Five

hyacinth: cauliflower i mean this one nicely

hyacinth: kind of

hyacinth: but when are you moving out again?

colin: you know i’m busy packing?

hyacinth: well do you need help

hyacinth: coz like let’s hurry this up…

Violet: Hyacinth.

eloise: no but she has a point not borne out of pettiness this time

eloise: I just walked in and your shit is all over the living room

eloise: bills, receipts, your SOCKS

[eloise sent a photo]

eloise: what, did you hope someone else would clean up after you?

hyacinth: is that a diary next to the socks

colin: do not touch my stuff.

hyacinth: i literally DIDN’T i just asked if that was a diary

colin: it’s not

eloise: maybe you should have one it’d help you channel your rage better

colin: i don’t have rage and it’s NOT one and those socks are also clean

colin: and what are you still doing in this chat? you don’t live here anymore

eloise: I started it so

eloise: can’t really leave when I’m the admin

Violet: Colin, I do think we could afford to be a little tidier here.

Violet: It’d be nice if you moved all your things that are in the living room into boxes while we’re out. Can you do that? I don’t want anyone to trip over your stuff.

Violet: Especially the letter opener you've left on the ground. That’s just dangerous.

colin: yes yeah i’ll finish while you’re out

4:25pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: Penelope, to: Felicity

Penelope: Do you need a ride to the musicale?

Felicity: Yeah I’m taking a Lyft after my lecture gets out

Felicity: Weren’t you going with Hy and Eloise? I thought that’s why you head to Number Five

Penelope: Change of plans 🙂 I’ll pick you up from campus

4:27pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: hyacinth, to: colin

hyacinth: colonoscopy

hyacinth: 👉👈

colin: i know you’re not texting me to say you miss me so just tell me what you need

hyacinth: i think i left my receipt on the kitchen counter and they won’t take my shoes back without it

hyacinth: if it’s there can you take a picture for meeee

colin: is the lack of the receipt the only reason they’re not taking them back

hyacinth: :( this is my last ditch effort

hyacinth: please?

colin: i can go check

colin: in the meantime tell eloise her friend just left.

4:31pm, Tues 15 Apr – WAGER

hyacinth: aight eloise is out

eloise: what?

eloise: for fucking what?

hyacinth: for inviting penelope to number five when you weren't even there, obviously??

hyacinth: thought u could pull this one over us 🥱

eloise: hyacinth you better be fucking joking

Violet: Do you commonly talk like this to one another?

gregory: they do! smh

gregory: not me though

eloise: I literally told penelope to come over because we were going to the musicale tonight with YOU and YOU live there?

Anthony: Was Colin at home when Penelope was there?

hyacinth: YES

Sophie: Ah

Daphne: Do we take it to a vote then?

hyacinth: 💐

eloise: no fuck that

eloise: I’ll take myself out of the running

gregory: don’t give up like that?

eloise: well!

eloise: you guys are acting like I can’t do something with penelope without it being about colin somehow!

eloise: I have no hidden agenda about going with her to a musicale I didn’t even want to see but obviously one of you anyways would’ve tried to snipe me for something else

Benedict: No okay

Benedict: You’re all coming down really hard on her

Sophie: Yeah sorry Eloise 🥺

Sophie: Didn’t mean to upset you

Sophie: You can stay in the running

5:34pm, Tues 15 Apr – Bridgerton Family GC

colin: hey does anyone know where i can get a smythe-smith ticket last min

Anthony: It’s sold out.

Daphne: Is it really?

Benedict: Yeah sorry but how is that possible

Anthony: I couldn’t tell you.

colin: well then does anyone wanna give up their ticket?

colin: hyacinth, you didn’t want to go, right? i can take yours?

hyacinth: can’t

hyacinth: felicity won’t be happy if i abandon her last min

colin: alright that’s okay then

colin: eloise? what about you?

colin: i’m sure you've got better stuff to do?

eloise: I don't really

colin: fine

colin: kate? anthony?

colin: anthony didn’t even sound excited about going

Kate: We... already made arrangements with Edwina and Jyoti to babysit tonight

Kate: I’d feel bad to cancel on them now

colin: that’s fine like i could still go with you? anthony can stay in

Benedict: I thought you didn't want to go to the musicale, Colin?

Benedict: Said you'd be too tired after packing

Daphne: Yeah why are you so desperate to go all of a sudden?

colin: i’m not desperate?

colin: my evening cleared up and i just figured i’d spend some quality time with my sisters

[eloise questioned a message: my evening cleared up and i just figured i’d spend some quality time with my sisters]

[hyacinth questioned a message: my evening cleared up and i just figured i’d spend some quality time with my sisters]

[Daphne questioned a message: my evening cleared up and i just figured i’d spend some quality time with my sisters]

[Francesca questioned a message: my evening cleared up and i just figured i’d spend some quality time with my sisters]

colin: ok stop it

5:40pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: Sophie, to: Posy

Sophie: I need something from you

Sophie: Give me a call when you have a minute x

5:57pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: Sophie, to: colin

Sophie: Guess who's got a spare ticket to Smythe-Smith

colin: i love you??

Sophie: Have you ever been before?

colin: to the musicale?

colin: no

Sophie: Cool cool cool

Sophie: I think you’ll enjoy it! The music is fantastic.

Sophie: I’ll forward you the ticket info

Sophie: Doors open at 6:30 I believe

colin: LOVE you

Sophie: 😌

Sophie: Hope you have fun! x

6:42pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: hyacinth; to: Kate; eloise; Anthony

[hyacinth named the chat: “full federal investigation”]

hyacinth: now how did colin get in? i thought this thing was sold out

Anthony: It was.

eloise: colin’s here?

hyacinth: i just saw him walk in

Kate: What happened to his hand?

Anthony: I’ll go ask.

6:44pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: Felicity, to: Penelope

Felicity: Colin’s here!

Penelope: Cool.

Felicity: You should ask him if he wants to sit with us

Penelope: Why would I do that?

Felicity: Because… he’s a friend of ours?

Penelope: I’m sure he’ll find his own seat, Felicity

Felicity: 😬 what are you in such a bad mood for today?

Penelope: I'm not?

6:45pm, Tues 15 Apr – full federal investigation

Anthony: He said he accidentally cut his hand open?

eloise: when did this happen

eloise: I literally saw him a few hours ago

Anthony: I think you just answered your own question.

6:48pm, Tues 15 Apr – sour patch kids kids

colin: hey where are you guys sitting

colin: nvm i see you 😎

6:49pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: Felicity, to: Penelope

Felicity: Colin’s making his way over

Penelope: Okay!!

Penelope: I don't care!

6:49, Tues 15 – two-time academy award winner greta gerwig

hyacinth: guys scoot over

hyacinth: i think colin is sitting with us

Felicity: Why can’t you move?

hyacinth: i’m saving the seat on my right for danbury

hyacinth: and i need a end-of-row seat in case i need to make my escape

Penelope: There’s more than one space

Penelope: Why doesn’t Colin sit between the two of you, and Danbury can sit between Felicity and I?

Felicity: Or Danbury can sit between Hy and Eloise, and Colin can sit between you and me?

eloise: what are we debating this for who cares where everyone’s sitting

6:50pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: Felicity, to: colin

Felicity: Colin!

Felicity: There’s a space between me and Pen

colin: sure haha

colin: thanks

6:50pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: Penelope, to: Felicity

Penelope: I’m sitting less than a foot away from you, I can SEE your phone

Felicity: :-)

7:06pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: colin, to: Sophie

colin: sophie........... why did you lie to me like this

7:18pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: colin, to: Sophie

colin: sophie you're not getting a christmas gift for this

7:29pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: colin, to: Sophie

colin: sophie you’re going to hell for this???

Sophie: You were begging to go a couple hours ago!

colin: i know but why would you say the music is “fantastic”

colin: like why be dishonest like that

Sophie: I think the interval is at 8!

Sophie: Say hi to your sisters for me

Sophie: And Penelope of course x

8:02pm, Tues 15 Apr – full federal investigation

hyacinth: he and penelope both went to concessions 👀

eloise: they were both probably thirsty

Kate:

eloise: I did mean thirsty literally

Kate: I’m aware! You just teed it up so well

eloise: right

eloise: well I’m gonna go stretch my legs

8:03pm, Tues 15 Apr – newton’s tiktok account managers (pwd: $au$ages123)

hyacinth: it’s not just me right

hyacinth: she’s in a weird mood

Anthony: It’s not just you.

Kate: Yeah

hyacinth: it’s like colin passed her a baton or smth…

8:10pm, Tues 15 Apr – from: Kate, to: eloise

Kate: Hey, would you want a ride with us on your way back?

Kate: Or, I guess you’ve got a car too, so Anthony can take Hyacinth, and I can go with you.

Kate: If you wanted to talk, or catch up, or anything like that

Kate: I really mean it. Let me know

1:01pm, Weds 16 Apr – from: Benedict, to: Posy

Benedict: Was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tomorrow!

posy: …so I have mono

Benedict: Oh my god?

posy: Yeah :(

posy: Thought Soph might’ve told you already

posy: She even asked me for my Smythe Smith ticket, since I couldn’t go

Benedict: Sophie did?

Benedict: When was this?

posy: Yesterday

Benedict: …say more?

posy: Yeah so like I wasn’t sure sure until I took a test

posy: Then I had to call Soph and ask her how to tell Hugh, because I probably gave it to him

posy: But he was very sweet about it!

posy: Gonna see him again as soon as I’m better

Benedict: No no I meant Sophie asking you for your ticket

Benedict: Tell me more about that

1:13pm, Weds 16 Apr – WAGER

Benedict: Sophie’s out

Sophie: What?

Sophie: What for?

Benedict: Cute.

Sophie: I don’t know what you're talking about!

Benedict: Posy told me you gave Colin her ticket to the musicale yesterday

eloise: ohhhh ok

Sophie: Okay? So?

Kate: Sophie…

Kate: Come on now

Sophie: Colin had never been to Smythe-Smith!! He just wanted to enjoy the music!!!

gregory: i’m not saying this to be unkind

gregory: but no one has gone to smythe-smith to “enjoy music” ever

hyacinth: sophie bestie

hyacinth: looking like it’s over for you

Sophie: It’s only Benedict who has it out for me! No one’s even voted!

Benedict: 🤍

Kate: 🤩

Daphne: 🔮

Benedict: Look at that!

Benedict: Three votes

Sophie: Whatever

Sophie: He obviously wanted to go because Penelope was going, so!

Sophie: If I could help him do that, then it was worth it

2:33pm, Weds 16 Apr – office goss

hyacinth: can u believe people are adultering not fifty feet from us

hyacinth: like

hyacinth:

Penelope: No one is committing adultery

Penelope: Peggy’s been separated from her husband for a few months, and she’s filing for divorce soon.

Penelope: She and Fife have been seeing each other for a couple weeks now

hyacinth: TEA?

hyacinth: i didn’t know any of this 👀

Penelope: She hasn't told anyone about the divorce yet though! So please don't say anything

Felicity: If she hasn't told anyone, then how do you know about it?

4:32pm, Weds 16 Apr – Kevin, Joe, Nick, and the Bonus Jonas

colin: guys can i say something

gregory: all is welcome here

colin: …

colin: that was a little cultish how you said that

colin: but ok

colin: hear me out

colin: i think

colin: and i know this sounds like it's coming out of left-field, but it's not

Benedict: Just say it?

colin: i think eloise might be whistledown

gregory: IJBOL? please

colin: i’m being one hundred percent serious

Benedict: Does ijbol mean something?

Anthony: “I just burst out laughing”

Benedict: 😃 I am refusing to believe you knew that without having to Google it

Anthony: I did Google it.

Anthony: See? I own that.

colin: no really like think about this for two seconds

colin: everything she’s written about me so far recently – eloise knew first.

colin: also have you ever seen anyone so perennially on their laptop?

Anthony: She does write code for a living.

Benedict: Also very deep into online auctions for rare Jellycats

gregory: she and i started torrenting this kdrama recently

colin: i feel like you’re all mocking me

Anthony: No one’s doing that.

Anthony: Or, I wasn’t. I can’t speak for them.

Anthony: Though, don’t you think if we all had some connection to the person behind Whistledown, at least one of us would’ve found out who it was by now?

colin: i mean i guess

colin: forget it

colin: it was just a theory

4:37pm, Weds 16 Apr – from: Benedict, to: colin

Benedict: We weren’t mocking you

colin: mmm you kind of were

colin: but it’s fine. think i might ask pen about it

colin: see what she thinks

Benedict: That’s not a terrible idea?

colin: yeah like

colin: of everyone who’s close with eloise, i feel like she might know some? how would you even keep something like that from a roommate?

colin: will try to catch her before work tomorrow

Benedict: You could ask her right now?

Benedict: Eloise has that Pilates class on Wednesdays, so she won’t be in, right?

colin: ben… your memory retains the most random of shit, but if i could give it a kiss, i would

colin: lemme see if she’s home right now

Benedict: She and Eloise did move to a new place a couple months ago

Benedict: Don’t know if you have their new address

[Benedict shared a contact]

colin: i didn’t, thank you! 🙏

colin: will let you know what she says

5:38pm, Weds 16 Apr – Kevin, Joe, Nick, and the Bonus Jonas

gregory: lol

gregory: think colin and i accidentally swapped raincoats at ned’s game the other week

gregory: just found fruit snacks in my jacket pocket

colin: oh shit

colin: didn’t even notice that, and i’ve got yours on right now

colin: at least i think this is your coat?

[colin sent a photo]

colin: kinda cool that we’re the same size now

Anthony: Good god, what happened to your mouth?

colin: what?

colin: nothing?

colin: why would you ask that

Anthony: The bit of it that I can see is all swollen and red?

Anthony: You know what Red Dye #40 looks like? That’s the colour of your mouth.

Anthony: Are you okay?

colin: fine.

colin: probably just a mini allergic reaction

colin: i was over at pen and eloise’s, and they’ve got that cat

5:40pm, Weds 16 Apr – Kevin, Joe, and Frankie

gregory: PAUSE?

Anthony: He went to theirs? Just now?

Anthony: For what?

Benedict: Who knows!

5:41pm, Weds 16 Apr – Kevin, Joe, Nick, and the Bonus Jonas

Anthony: Why were you at theirs?

colin: i couldn’t get the eloise-whistledown thing out of my head

colin: and i figured i’d ask penelope while eloise was out

colin: ben said he thought it was a good idea, idk

5:42pm, Weds 16 Apr – from: gregory, to: Anthony

gregory: WHAT DAY IS BENEDICT’S?

Anthony: I was just about to check.

Anthony: The 16th.

Anthony: So, today.

gregory: I’M ABOUT TO LIGHT HIS ASS UP…

5:43pm, Weds 16 Apr – Kevin, Joe, Nick, and the Bonus Jonas

Benedict: So how’d it go?

colin: how’d what go

Benedict: Asking Penelope about Eloise? Lol

colin: oh

colin: sorry yeah duh

colin: she didn’t think that was the case

5:45pm, Weds 16 Apr – WAGER

gregory: BRO BENEDICT IS OUT

Benedict: For what?

Sophie: Thank you for your integrity, Greg x

gregory: for what? for WHAT???

gregory: SNAKE

Benedict: You’re blowing this out of proportion

Anthony: You did tell him to go speak to Penelope and see if she knew anything.

Benedict: No I didn’t! He suggested it himself!

eloise: if penelope knew anything about what?

Anthony: Nothing.

gregory: nothing haha

eloise: ?

eloise: ok then.

Anthony: What’s important to know is that Colin went over to your flat to see Penelope just now.

Benedict: It wasn’t my idea!!!!

Benedict: He already saw her today they see each other every day!!!!!

Benedict: How was this different!!!!!!!!

Sophie: So many exclamation points.

Kate: So Ben’s done for, then?

Simon: By my count, there are already at least three people who believe he’s cheating

Simon: So… yes?

Benedict: What did I ever do to you

Simon: Bet’s a bet man

gregory: COOK HIM SIMON!

Daphne: I feel like out of fairness, we should still vote?

Sophie: Hyacinth?

hyacinth: yeah we should vote

Benedict: Can we at least bump it up to four votes?

hyacinth: no

hyacinth: but it’s kind of endearing you tried to ask

hyacinth: ok jury. has benedict violated the terms and agreements of the wager?

Anthony: 👍

gregory: 🐍

eloise: @benedict what did colin want to ask penelope

Benedict: I can’t say

eloise: 😑

Daphne: Was that a vote?

eloise: yes

Benedict: What happened to bi-lesbian solidarity

eloise: shut up.

Violet: 😊

Benedict: Mum??

Violet: You voted against me, didn’t you?

Violet: There is no loyalty here.

[Sophie emphasized a message: There is no loyalty here.]

Simon: 🗞

Benedict: Enough, I get the point

Sophie: And in the end

Sophie: I didn’t even have to vote :)

Benedict: Yeah the number who came out against me… was a little much

gregory: see what happens when you play games

gregory:

Benedict: I will one day unearth the text where you told me no one used gifs anymore

Benedict: I will.

8:42am, Thurs 17 Apr – Potential Dates for Fran x

[Sophie sent a link]

Sophie: Look at this :(

Daphne: This is real?

Daphne: She’s done?

Sophie: Yup 🙃

Kate: Is it temporary?

Sophie: Doesn’t sound like it

9:23am, Thurs 17 Apr – two-time academy award winner greta gerwig

[hyacinth sent a link]

Felicity: I saw :-/

Penelope: I didn’t! Wow

Felicity: You should've seen Mum this morning

Felicity: She kept trying to refresh the page like it'd change anything

eloise: wait shit

hyacinth: no i’m lowkey in mourning like

eloise: colin’s probably celebrating though

Penelope: Colin?

hyacinth: he recently came out as a hater lol

Felicity: He can be in the minority

Felicity: I’m bummed

10:14am, Thurs 17 Apr – from: Charlotte, to: Agatha

[Charlotte sent a link]

Charlotte: You’ve seen this?

Agatha: I have.

Agatha: My entire staff is standing around talking about it instead of working.

Charlotte: I’m hoping it’s not true. Otherwise we’re never going to know who it was.

Charlotte: I wanted a profile.

Agatha: A Whistledown profile?

Charlotte: Yes. I was going to have Brimsley do it.

Agatha: On a scale of fluff piece to indictment, what kind of piece were you going to have him write?

Charlotte: Largely depends on who it was, doesn’t it?

4:23pm, Fri 18 Apr – office goss

hyacinth: whole office is going out for drinks after work

hyacinth: who’s in

Felicity: I have so much stuff to do for school, but if you guys are going I’ll come for a bit

hyacinth: i’m in if colin’s going?

colin: why me?

hyacinth: it’s not like it’s an open bar

colin: ....

colin: where did this presumption that i’ll cover you come from

colin: you might make more at your internship than i do at this job

Felicity: So you won’t come?

colin: let me think about it

hyacinth: fine 😪

hyacinth: pen wbu?

Penelope: I still have a few things to finish up, but I'll join you all later if you're still there!

[hyacinth liked a message: I still have a few things to finish up, but I'll join you all later if you're still there!]

4:28pm, Fri 18 Apr – from: colin, to: hyacinth

colin: on second thought

colin: i’ll join

hyacinth: i’m crying why are you texting me separately

5:57pm, Fri 18 Apr – office goss

Penelope: I’m headed over!

Penelope: Mondrichs’, right?

hyacinth: yesss perfect timing

hyacinth: we’re waiting on the pool table to be freed up and we need even teams

6:12pm, Fri 18 Apr – from: Agatha, to: Penelope

Agatha: I’m glad to see you out of the office.

Penelope: Aha

Penelope: Finished work earlier than expected 😅

Agatha: Good. No fun to work late on a Friday.

6:15pm, Fri 18 Apr – office goss

Penelope: I think I might’ve just been shamed by Danbury about not going out enough

Penelope: So I’m getting a drink before all else

Penelope: Anyone want anything?

hyacinth: im good i actually have to run to the bathroom

Felicity: I’m good as well <3

colin: i’ve got a drink but i’ll join you at the bar anyway pen

hyacinth: NO don’t abandon post!

hyacinth: at least one person needs to keep an eye on the pool table

hyacinth: goring and fife only have three balls left, we need to descend as soon as they’re done

Penelope: There’s a bit of a queue – you’re sure you don’t want a drink, Fliss?

Felicity: Oh no

Penelope: Not drinking?

Felicity: No I meant oh no, Cressida’s shooing Fife and Peggy away, looks like?

Felicity: I guess she wants the pool table

hyacinth: WHAT

hyacinth: TELL HER TO WAIT HER TURN

Felicity: I don’t know that she wants to play?

6:17pm, 18 Apr – from: Alice, to: Will

Alice: Someone needs to tell this white woman to get off my billiards table immediately.

6:28pm, Fri 18 Apr – office goss

Felicity: Penelope oh my god

hyacinth: what happened

hyacinth: did she make cowper give up the table?

hyacinth: penelope i knew u had it in you

Felicity: Not exactly

colin: cressida just got up on the pool table and announced she was whistledown to the entire place

colin: then she went over to mum’s friend charlotte at the bar and told her she was available for interview, or hire, anytime

hyacinth: no she fucking didn’t

colin: why would i make something like that up?

Felicity: They were right next to Penelope

Felicity: Penelope turned around and told Cressida if she’s taking the piss if she thinks we’re supposed to believe that

Felicity: I can’t believe you missed this Hy

[colin sent a link]

colin: video’s already found its way online

6:32pm, Fri 18 Apr – from: hyacinth, to: Felicity

hyacinth: did you watch the thing he sent all the way through

hyacinth: bc i dont think he did

Felicity: No? I was there when it happened

hyacinth: ok well stop at 1:47 and zoom in on the lower lefthand corner

[Felicity sent a screenshot]

Felicity: !!!!!!!!

hyacinth: what i’m sayinggg

6:33pm, Fri 18 Apr – WAGER

hyacinth:

hyacinth: i think maybe we can call it

Daphne: Today?

Daphne: Did I win? What happened?

Kate: Wait

gregory: are we talking about the wager

eloise: what else could she possibly be referring to in a chat called “wager”

gregory: ur on my ass all the time and for what

Violet: You’re saying Colin and Penelope are together, Hyacinth?

Anthony: Yeah, how do you know?

hyacinth: ok yes SO

hyacinth: our entire office went to mondrich’s for happy hour

hyacinth: cressida cowper was there and she got up on the table and invited everyone to take their phones out and she made this big announcement that she’s whistledown

hyacinth: alice made cressida get off the table

hyacinth: but like, obviously damage was done, everyone heard her and had videos and stuff

hyacinth: cressida went over to the bar to tell mum’s friend charlotte she could do a profile on her, if she wanted

hyacinth: penelope interjected to tell cressida she was taking the piss if she thought we were supposed to believe that

hyacinth: blah blah blah long story short colin took her hand while she was talking

hyacinth: 😁

Benedict: That was so much information all at once

Sophie: You’re telling us Cressida was Whistledown?

Sophie: Cressida Cowper?

hyacinth: that’s what she told everyone

Kate: I’m with Penelope, I don’t believe that for a second

[Sophie emphasized a message: I’m with Penelope, I don’t believe that for a second]

Kate: Also that doesn't count

Simon: What doesn’t count?

Kate: Holding hands?

Kate: What does that prove?

Kate: Anyone can hold hands?

Daphne: You’re just saying that because you’ve lost

Benedict: No you know what

Benedict: We didn’t really stipulate

Benedict: What does “together” mean?

Anthony: We need to set the winning parameters more strictly.

Daphne: WHAT?? What parameters?

Daphne: They HELD HANDS!

Daphne: Unless you’ve ever seen them do that before, I WON

Benedict: What world are you living in which holding hands means two people are dating

Daphne: THE NORMAL WORLD?

Daphne: Benedict you already lost! What does this matter to you?

[eloise emphasized a message: Anyone can hold hands?]

eloise: tbf pen and I hold hands sometimes

eloise: she and I aren’t dating

Kate: Thank you :)

Simon: This isn’t fair

[Daphne emphasized a message: This isn’t fair]

Simon: You can’t just come up with rules on the fly

Kate: No one’s doing that! But like, come on

Kate: Unless they went home together, we don’t KNOW know

Benedict: And even then!

[Kate emphasized a message: And even then!]

Kate: So it’s not over.

Daphne: What has to be done for me to win here then?

Daphne: Does someone have to provide photographic evidence of them shagging?

Anthony: Jesus Christ, Daphne.

Violet: If you can just be mindful that everyone can read what you write on this thread, please?

Benedict: Yeah what is wrong with you

Daphne: That wasn’t me?!

Daphne: THEY made me say that!

Benedict: No we didn’t?

Kate: Let’s just get back to the hands

Violet: Let’s.

Daphne: But I wasn’t even the one to bring it up!!!!

Daphne: I’m just trying to defend my win!

Simon: Hyacinth, what did the hand-holding look like?

Simon: Fingers entwined, or no?

Simon: Because I think fingers entwined means we can call it

Anthony: Never in my life did I think I’d see you debating types of hand-holding.

Simon: I’m just saying

Simon: If Daphne won, she won

hyacinth: here, felicity got this

[hyacinth sent a screenshot]

Daphne: Fingers ENTWINED

Simon: There we go!

Simon: Daphne’s won. Proof right there.

Benedict: Meh

Sophie: It looks like they’re not even aware they’re doing it

hyacinth: yea if you watch the whole thing i think colin unconsciously grabbed her hand

Kate: SEE?

Daphne: You could take that either way! We don’t know what’s happening between them

Kate: EXACTLY my point

Kate: If we don't definitively know what's happening, how are we to call it?

[Violet liked a photo]

Violet: They look very nice here 😊

gregory: we should just take this to a vote idk

Daphne: I just have to say – this voting thing is stupid

Daphne: Of course people are going to vote against me if it means they might still have a chance to win?

Sophie: That’s so funny Daphne

Sophie: You didn’t say a thing about how stupid voting was when you while you were disqualifying me

Daphne: …I’m sorry but it’s everyone for themselves

Kate: Okay. All in favour that the bet’s still going?

Anthony: 👍

Benedict: 👹

Simon: How do I vote nay?

hyacinth: you can’t

Sophie: 💕

Daphne: 🙁

Daphne: *That wasn’t a vote, that was just my reaction

9:23am, Sat 19 Apr – Thunderbolts

Kate: Did you just

Kate: Put a hand over the Apple Watch I gave you, for your graduation

Kate: To silence my call

gregory: yes

gregory: the game is literally going on right now i can’t have you calling me to tell me to take him off the bench

Kate: Take him off the bench then!

Kate: Problem solved!

4:23pm, Sun 20 Apr – from: colin, to: Anthony

colin: why have i just received a paperless post email to “colin’s welcome home party”

Anthony: You said we’ve never thrown you one before. Wouldn’t hear the end of it from you.

colin: “wouldn’t hear the end of it” please i mentioned it once?

colin: mostly as a joke?

colin: and i’ve been home for a month now?

Anthony: Well, Colin, it took a while to organise!

colin: 😭 sorry

colin: it’s just that you guys just said you were soooo busy this month

colin: but thank you?

colin: this is nice of you to do.

4:44pm, Sun 20 Apr – WAGER

[Benedict sent a screenshot]

Benedict: You should be eliminated for this

Anthony: I fail to see how this could constitute as cheating.

Benedict: A party for Colin? At yours?

Benedict: Out of the blue?

Daphne: What?

Daphne: Anthony!

Daphne: Why’ve you done my thing!?

Anthony: Since when was this your thing?

Daphne: He guilted me about this, not you?

Daphne: I felt so bad when he pointed out we don’t really ever make a fuss when he’s back home

eloise: stop letting men make you feel bad for anything?

Simon: We can still host something?

Simon: After the firepit is in

Simon: That reminds me, I need to give Augie a ring

gregory: hey i didn’t get this email

gregory: am i not invited

Anthony: Check your spam box, it’s probably gone there.

Benedict: All in favour of kicking Anthony out?

Kate: 🙏🏾

Benedict: Knew you’d have my back

Anthony: Someone tell me exactly what rule I’ve broken, first.

eloise: penelope’s invited to this thing?

gregory: i don't see it in my spam box either

Anthony: The Featheringtons are invited, among others.

Kate: Exactly! You said “a few people” and suddenly there were 70 names on your legal pad.

Simon: Oh my god

Simon: How badly do you wanna win this thing? You didn’t even want to do it in the first place

Anthony: You’ve all gotten a little too wound up with this wager if you think my hosting a get-together Penelope is coming to means I’m suddenly ushering Colin to a chapel.

Anthony: He went on and on about how we’ve never made a big deal in the past, so I’ve found a free evening to do it.

gregory: is this because i benched ned yesterday

Anthony: So this is for him.

Benedict: I don’t buy that

Daphne: Me neither

gregory: it IS, isn't it…..

Anthony: No one’s really named anything disqualifiable I’ve done, so I guess I don’t really care.

gregory: fine maybe i just won’t come then

eloise: jesus

eloise: it’s a party to celebrate colin being home, next weekend at kate and anthony’s place. happy?

gregory: 🤧

gregory: i guess.

12:00pm, Mon 21 Apr – office goss

Felicity: Oh my god

Felicity: Oh my god what is today’s date?

colin: the 21st

Felicity: Oh my god

Felicity: I thought it was the 20th for some reason

hyacinth: are you good fliss

Felicity: Yeah yeah fine

Penelope: What’s the assignment you have due?

Felicity: 🫠

Felicity: 25-page paper.

hyacinth: 🫢 how much time do you have

Felicity: Til 8pm today

Felicity: Blackboard notification just flashed on my watch and I freaked

Felicity: I thought I had another day 🙃🙃🙃

colin: god i do not miss uni one bit

2:39pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: Kate, to: hyacinth

Kate: Do you think you could help me out today? With this whole thing?

hyacinth: 👀

hyacinth: mayhaps

Kate: How do I turn mayhaps into a yes?

hyacinth: 👀 👀

hyacinth: i want to renegotiate

hyacinth: 50/50

Kate: Done

hyacinth: oh

hyacinth: why was that so easy?

Kate: You can have the entire pot! I never actually cared about the money, to be honest with you.

Kate: I just want to be able to say I won.

hyacinth: 👀 👀 👀

hyacinth: let me see what i can do for you

3:04pm, Mon 21 Apr – office goss

hyacinth: you guys

hyacinth: ew

hyacinth: why was that text green

Felicity: The Wi-Fi is down

hyacinth: i am… disgusted

colin: isn't it your job to do something about it?

hyacinth: 😣

hyacinth: i'll call someone from tech support ig

Felicity: Pen, I have a couple things I need your signature on?

Penelope: I’m not in right now! I’ve got a meeting

hyacinth: where’s the meeting

colin: where’s tech support?

hyacinth: i'm about to call CALM DOWN

Penelope: Just a caf, it's not far!

Penelope: I should be back in an hour?

Felicity: Do you wanna bring me back a croissant 😇

Penelope: I don’t know if they’ll have those but I’ll try!

3:08pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: hyacinth, to: Felicity

hyacinth: how many pages do u have done

Felicity: 8, why?

hyacinth: if you have the time

hyacinth: just go along with me on something

hyacinth: it’s for the wager

Felicity: I thought you’d already lost?

hyacinth: i did 🌾

hyacinth: but kate promised to cut me in if i helped her out today

Felicity: I’ll help if you split with me what Kate’s sharing with you

hyacinth: deal

hyacinth: but just know i had to negotiate really hard with her

hyacinth: she’s only gonna give me a third of the pool, so you’d be getting a sixth

hyacinth: IF that’s okay with you

Felicity: That’s more than nothing, so yeah I’m in

3:10pm, Mon 21 Apr – office goss

hyacinth: you know what i’ve always thought was romantic, fliss?

Felicity: Tell me Hy

hyacinth: when someone does something small for you

hyacinth: just to show they care

hyacinth: like helping you carry pastries back to your office when you have your hands full

Felicity: So true

Felicity: And you know what, Hyacinth?

hyacinth: what, felicity?

Felicity: Right after Geoffrey helped me and Penelope move my stuff out of my dorm last year, Penelope told me that she thought he was a keeper.

hyacinth: wow, felicity!

hyacinth: what an interesting insight into what your sister values in a partner

hyacinth: i, for one, am learning a lot about penelope in this exchange

Felicity: Yes, not a lot of people know this about her!

colin: can you both please get back to work

3:14pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: hyacinth, to: Felicity

Felicity: I just saw him leave

hyacinth: djflksjfslkj

hyacinth: we did it joe 😁

4:21pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: colin, to: Penelope

colin: i’m texting because i don’t want the cab driver to overhear

Penelope: Yeah god forbid

colin: i don’t see what about this is funny to you.

Penelope: I don’t see what about this is so upsetting to YOU?

Penelope: And why did you follow me all the way there?

colin: that is not what we're talking about right now

colin: penelope, what if anyone else finds out about this?

colin: what’s gonna happen?

colin: have you thought about that?

colin: like, at all?

Penelope: No, Colin. In the twelve years I’ve been doing this anonymously, I’ve not once given thought to what anyone would think if they knew I was Whistledown.

colin: i wasn’t kidding

Penelope: Neither am I?

colin: right then explain to me how posting again just to say it’s not cressida is gonna make anyone’s curiosity die down

Penelope: I wasn’t trying to make curiosity die down! People have wanted to know forever, whatever, but I just can’t let everyone believe it’s her?

colin: why not??

colin: why isn’t it enough that you managed to get away with it without getting caught for so long?

colin: i mean, does eloise know?

colin: were you laughing at me when i asked you if you thought it could be her?

Penelope: She doesn’t, and no, I wasn’t laughing at you

colin: then what is your goal here?

colin: cressida GAVE you an out, just let her take the fall?

Penelope: You’re not listening to what I’m saying

Penelope: No one may know, but why would I let someone else take the credit for something that’s mine? Something I’m actually proud of?

Penelope: How would you feel if someone took everything you’ve written and published them under Nigel Berbrooke’s name?

colin: ?? NIGEL?

colin: NIGEL CAN’T EVEN READ?

colin: sorry that was hyperbolic

colin: kind of

Penelope: Willing to apologise to Nigel, who won’t even see that, but not me

Penelope: Cool.

colin: and what exactly am i apologising to you for

colin: if anything you owe me one

Penelope: That’s funny

Penelope: That might be the funniest thing you’ve said all hour

colin: you did go through my things when i wasn’t there

colin: thought to myself “why would she do that” and you know what, now it makes perfect sense

Penelope: Your journal was OPEN on the table!

Penelope: I’m sorry I took a look, but now you’ve seen my thing

Penelope: I think we can say we’re even

colin: sure.

Penelope: Sorry – who am I talking to and why is he so pissed off?

Penelope: Can I ask that?

Penelope: Like, what have I done to you that's so terrible?

Penelope: Kept a secret from you?

Penelope: Entertained myself when my mum dragged me to places I didn’t want to be?

colin: i wouldn’t say i’m pissed off but i am annoyed that i’m trying to look out for you more than you’re looking out for yourself.

Penelope: Please

Penelope: As if anything nice you’ve ever done isn’t just because you feel bad for me

colin: is that right

Penelope: Asking me to dance at Daphne’s wedding after Cressida spills her drink on me? Anonymous flowers on my birthday?

Penelope: Pretending we both don’t know I had a massive crush on you for years?

colin: you think any of those things were because i pity you?

Penelope: I didn’t say pity, you did

colin: but i don’t!

colin: i like you! you’re my friend!!

Penelope: If you say so

colin: you know what, i am trying not to lose it but this is starting to get insulting

colin: why is it so hard to believe that i care about you?

colin: is this how you’ve thought of our friendship the entire time?

Penelope: ARE we friends??

Penelope: Would a friend be lecturing me like this over something I’m perfectly aware of? What are you and I doing right now!

colin: i can’t speak to what you’re doing, but I’M trying to talk you out of doing something stupid?

colin: i’m trying to act like an adult because at least one of us has to?

colin: what was that laugh for

Penelope: I didn't laugh

colin: you did

colin: even the cabbie glanced at the rearview mirror

Penelope: I didn't laugh!

colin: no, go on

colin: i’d LOVE to know what's tickled you so

Penelope: Fine

Penelope: I’m not the one who skips to another continent every time I want to avoid actual responsibility

Penelope: Couldn’t even do that if I wanted, we're not all Bridgerton rich.

Penelope: You can't have made that your thing and then come back here and insult me and tell me I’M being immature

Penelope: You can’t.

colin: oh and this has just been a really complimentary conversation for me

colin: whatever

colin: pen

colin: in no way am i trying to insult you

colin: i’m just trying to be honest with you

colin: you and cressida are two different people

colin: everyone knows what kind of a person she is, and no one’s going to blink thinking she liked having fun at their expense

colin: but you’re different!

colin: this is different!

Penelope: When you say different

Penelope: What do you mean?

colin: i mean

colin: different is the wrong word

Penelope: You said it like three times

colin: but it wasn’t what i meant

colin: we shouldn’t be discussing this over text, it’s way too easy to misconstrue meaning

Penelope: No, it’s fine.

Penelope: I’m perfectly aware of what you’re getting at.

Penelope: For Cressida, it's not taking a fall

Penelope: If anything, she gets to use it to have everyone forget how she botched her career in the first place

Penelope: But when it’s me

Penelope: Or, actually *because it’s me

Penelope: It’s really not going to be considered anything other than petty

colin: that’s not what i said

colin: hey

colin: that is not what i said.

colin: nor what i meant

colin: pen

colin: will you look at me?

colin: penelope look at me.

colin: fuck me we really shouldn’t have done this over text

4:48pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: Felicity, to: hyacinth

Felicity: Shouldn’t they be back by now?

hyacinth: maybe her meeting ran long

Felicity: Ughhh

Felicity: I want my croissant but I also have to finish this dumb paper

hyacinth: nah go home and turn it in

hyacinth: i’ll stay here

hyacinth: will update you when they get back

5:02pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: Penelope, to: Peggy

Penelope: Could you clock me out? Don’t think I’ll make it back to the office on time

5:03pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: colin, to: Fife

colin: clock me out will you

Fife: Sure

Fife: Look at you skiving off today

Fife: Don’t have to tell me where, but

colin: you’re a little too nosy, do you know that

colin: and that’s coming from me

5:16pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: Phillipa, to: Penelope

Phillipa: Your shirt’s not buttoned right

Penelope: Shit

Penelope: Thank you

Phillipa: Sure lol

Phillipa: That happens to me sometimes 😅

Phillipa: I’ll go half the the day without realising it

Penelope: Ha

5:49pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: Prudence, to: Penelope

Prudence: What's wrong with your hair?

Penelope: Nothing?

Prudence: That’s not true

Prudence: You’ve got frizz

Prudence: Did you comb it with your fingers or something?

Prudence: You’re not supposed to do that when you’ve got hair like yours

Penelope: My hair is fine

Penelope: Stop staring at it.

5:52pm, Mon 21 Apr – Granville Spring Exhibition

Felicity: Guys I’m so so sorry

Felicity: I really wanted to come by tonight but I’ve got a paper to finish, and I completely got sidetracked at work

Sophie: Aw Felicity, no need to say sorry!

Kate: Yeah don’t worry about it!

Kate: Last semester of uni must be busy

5:53pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: Kate, to: Felicity

Kate: But when you say sidetracked at work?

Felicity: The wager

Felicity: Penelope and Colin went off somewhere, but we don’t know what came of it

Kate: Okay…. okay 🤔

Kate: Day’s not over I guess

5:58pm, Mon 21 Apr – Featheringhuns 🇮🇪

Phillipa: Fliss, Mum is asking for you to come downstairs

Phillipa: She said to bring your artwork with you?

Felicity: Tell her I’m doing homework

Phillipa: She’s insisting

Phillipa: She wanted you to know Colin’s here

Felicity: Colin???

Felicity: Who, Bridgerton?

Phillipa: Yes? Lol

Felicity: Why?

Felicity: Where is Penelope??

Penelope: I am also here

Felicity: What have I missed?

Penelope: Nothing.

Prudence: Penelope didn’t do her hair this morning

Penelope: Stop it

6:00pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: Felicity, to: hyacinth

Felicity: Are you still at the office?

hyacinth: yeah?

hyacinth: why

Felicity: These bitches are here?

hyacinth: WHICH BITCHES?

Felicity: Who do you think?

hyacinth: 🤨

hyacinth: find out why

6:02pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: Felicity, to: Kate

[Felicity emphasized a message: Day’s not over I guess]

Kate: 👀

Felicity: Give me a minute because I’ve got to go downstairs and figure out what’s going on

Felicity: But Colin and Penelope just appeared here

Kate: Here, as in?

Felicity: My mum’s

Kate: Oh hell yes

Kate: I knew letting Hyacinth have everything would serve me well

Felicity: Wiat

Felicity: *Wait

Felicity: When you say everything, you mean the money you pooled together?

Felicity: Like, all of it?

6:34pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: hyacinth, to: Felicity

hyacinth: so??

Felicity: Nothing to report

hyacinth: really?

hyacinth: then what the hell did he turn up at your house for?

Felicity: Probably just to be polite?

Felicity: I think they just walked back from the caf together

Felicity: He said hi to us and left

Felicity: That’s all

hyacinth:

hyacinth: when you said they got there together i just assumed

hyacinth: or, idk what i assumed but i guess i thought today might bring us a dub

Felicity: Yeah :-/

Felicity: Too bad! Guess they were just hanging out

8:56pm, Mon 21 Apr – from: colin, to: Penelope

colin: hey so

colin: i apologise

colin: i probably should not have said all that to your mum

Penelope: You don’t have to apologise for that

Penelope: I kind of enjoyed it

colin: did you really

Penelope: A little

colin: good bc i didn’t feel that bad

colin: meet me before work tomorrow?

colin: you are the first person i’ve ever gotten ejected from a cab with btw

Penelope: Really? You’re my third

[colin emphasized a message: Really? You’re my third]

Penelope: I'm very much kidding

Penelope: What did you want to meet before work for?

Penelope: To talk about the Whistledown thing?
[This message was not delivered. Try again?]

colin: because i thought we could grab breakfast

colin: as a date, to be clear

Penelope: Oh

Penelope: That

colin: we don’t have to if you’re opposed, but i'd really like to

Penelope: No it’s only that I remember saying yes already?

colin: i’m asking you again now, though

colin: think you answered like you didn't know if i was serious, and i was

colin: being serious

Penelope: I... am willing to meet you tomorrow

Penelope: But only on the condition we don't tell anyone else about it

colin: anyone, anyone?

Penelope: We just know virtually all the same people

Penelope: Obviously my sisters have caught on now, but as for the rest

Penelope: I don't want them to know straightaway

Penelope: Is that okay?

colin: yeah.

colin: whatever you'd like, pen

Penelope: Okay. Good.

Penelope: Then that sounds like a plan

colin: 🤗

colin: see you tomorrow

[Penelope laughed at a message: 🤗]

Penelope: See you

9:18am, Tues 22 Apr – from: Felicity, to: Penelope

Felicity: Those sunflowers are so cute!!

Felicity: Were they from Colin?

Penelope: They were

Penelope: But if anyone asks, I bought them for myself

Felicity: Got it

Felicity: Won’t say anything

Penelope: Even to Hyacinth!

Felicity: I swear, not a peep from me!!

Felicity: But yay 🥰

9:34am, Weds 23 Apr – WAGER

Francesca: So Michael told me something very interesting yesterday

9:34am, Weds 23 Apr – ✨ girlboss / gaslight / gregory ✨

gregory: was it that he’s in love with her

hyacinth: STOPP i was literally about to write the same thing

9:35am, Weds 23 Apr – WAGER

Violet: Did he get in safely?

Francesca: He did! He’s staying at Helen’s place

Benedict: Good for him

Benedict: Now what did he say to you?

Francesca: I don’t know if I can share that bit

Francesca: Colin told him in confidence

gregory:

[Benedict disliked a gif]

gregory: sorry my gif game is better than yours damn

Benedict: You know that’s not why I disliked it

Daphne: So Colin told Michael something in confidence, and then Michael went and told you?

Francesca: I guess I was an exception

9:37am, Weds 23 Apr – ✨ girlboss / gaslight / gregory ✨

gregory: i wonder why

9:37am, Weds 23 Apr – WAGER

Benedict: Then why would you text the rest of us

Francesca: I don’t know!

Francesca: For fun I guess

hyacinth: you know what

hyacinth: if you’re gonna obstruct truth and justice like this, that’s also grounds for disqualification

hyacinth: like that’s just poor sportsmanship

Francesca: I've already been disqualified?

Francesca: I'm the first person you all voted out

hyacinth: fine then

[hyacinth removed Francesca from “WAGER”]

Violet: Hyacinth!

Violet: Bring her back.

eloise: it’s okay there’s no way frannie was paying attention to this anymore

eloise: she has better things to do

9:40am, Weds 23 Apr – ✨ girlboss / gaslight / gregory ✨

hyacinth: LIKE MICHAEL

gregory: LIKE MICHAEL

hyacinth: beat you this time :)

gregory: 😒

eloise: that was your fault bruh

eloise: i was literally teeing it up for you

2:34pm, Weds 23 Apr – from: colin, to: Francesca

[colin sent a screenshot]

colin: you see this?

colin: TWO parties

colin: for moi!

colin: who would’ve thought joking around got you all this attention

Francesca: Congrats

colin:

colin: and it's not even my birthday

Francesca: Yeah there are some people with birthdays this month that didn’t go celebrated at all

colin: no one pulled your arm into flying back to scotland 😭

Francesca: No I know, I’m really just joking

Francesca: That’s very nice, tell Daphne I hope her firepit turned out the way she hoped it would

colin: i will

colin: it’ll mean the world to her

colin: sauuuuur

colin: how goes it? :)

Francesca: Good!

Francesca: Raining here a lot but I’ve been managing to get in a daily walk each day

colin: you know full well i was not asking you about your daily walks

6:03am, Thurs 24 Apr – from: eloise, to: hyacinth

eloise: consider: a timeline where gregory and felicity were dating

hyacinth: it is six in the morning

eloise: but you’re awake

eloise: so just consider it

hyacinth: felicity has a serious boyfriend?

hyacinth: this is lowkey his greatest nightmare by the way

hyacinth: i heard about archie haselby from him before i heard about it from greg, and you wanna know why?

hyacinth: because he thinks it’s in his best interest for greg to be coupled up with someone else

eloise: ok just imagine both geoffrey and archie didn’t exist

eloise: hypothetically – how would you feel?

hyacinth: 😪

hyacinth: idk

hyacinth: probably yeah it would be strange for me

hyacinth: but also like

hyacinth: greg and felicity are good friends on their own

hyacinth: we’ve all known each other a long time

hyacinth: so if for some reason they really wanted to see each other

hyacinth: i guess i wouldn’t be mad at it

eloise: yeah but like. think about how that would affect you

eloise: what if they broke up for whatever reason

eloise: you might have to pick a side

eloise: you’d probably lose a friend in the end because you sure as shit can’t cut greg out

hyacinth: yah i get the fear there

hyacinth: but i like to think they both care about me enough that they wouldn’t enter into something like that lightly?

hyacinth: and even if it didn’t work out

hyacinth: i’d expect them to make an effort to be amicable bc they both know they’re that impt to me

hyacinth: the rest would be between them ig

eloise: you mean you don’t think it’s your business?

hyacinth: who said that

hyacinth: everything’s my business

hyacinth: like you said, this is hypothetical

hyacinth: but if they were happy, then i could be happy for them

eloise: that’s surprisingly mature of you hy?

hyacinth: yes i know

hyacinth: again it’s six in the morning

hyacinth: my brain hasn’t woken up yet

12:12am, Fri 25 Apr – Featheringhuns 🇮🇪

Felicity: Penelopeeeeeee

Penelope: Felicityyyyyyyy

Felicity: :-)

Felicity: Told you she’d be up

Phillipa: How was the second date?

Penelope: It was nice!

Prudence: That’s all you have to say?

Penelope: What else did you want me to say?

Penelope: It was really nice

Prudence: Couldn’t have been that nice if you’re texting us

Penelope: I told Eloise I had a work thing, and she would’ve asked where I’d been if I’d gotten home too late.

Penelope: Sort of cut it close anyways, he insisted on walking me to my front door.

Phillipa: Did he kiss you?

Penelope: He did

Prudence: It's like pulling teeth with you

Penelope: What, because I'm not jumping at the bit to tell you everything?

Prudence: No, because you used to doodle his name everywhere, and steal glances whenever you thought he wasn't looking, and get all startled every time he so much as said hi to you

Felicity: You don't have to be mean about any of that?

Prudence: I'm not being mean! There's nothing wrong with having a crush on someone

Prudence: I'm only saying, what happened to that Penelope?

Penelope: She had a really really good kiss and then some outside her front door!

Penelope: Are you happy?

Phillipa: ...no, because I wanna know what the "and then some" part was

Penelope: Tell you some other time

Penelope: Because now I do also have to sit in my living room and pretend like it didn’t just happen

Penelope: Have to better plan out what I’ll tell Eloise before I get home next time.

Prudence: Just say you had a date, who cares?

Prudence: You don’t have to say it was her brother

Phillipa: Speaking of, why did Felicity say we can’t mention it to the Bridgertons?

Phillipa: Do none of them know? Why is it a secret?

Phillipa: Penelope?

Phillipa: Did she go to sleep or something?

4:28pm, Sun 27 Apr – WAGER

Daphne: Where is that picture of that guy at the podium?

gregory: this one?

gregory:

Daphne: Yes! Thank you

Daphne:

Daphne: Guess what

Daphne: Colin just came over, and we had the funniest conversation :)

Sophie: Did he tell you he’s dating Penelope?

Daphne: No

hyacinth: then we don’t care

Daphne: He asked me for some advice!

Sophie: Advice about what?

Daphne: That part, I don’t think I can share

Daphne: I just feel like Colin’s privacy is more important than a bet

Anthony: His what?

Kate: We have been at this for over two weeks, and only today are you thinking of his privacy?

Daphne: He deserves for that to be respected, doesn’t he?

hyacinth: you’re saying this ab colin

hyacinth: COLIN

hyacinth: he wouldn’t respect it if it was any of us

Daphne: Maybe so

Daphne: But I’m not Colin, am I?

Benedict: Are you… choosing to sabotage everyone else who’s still in the running because you’ve already lost?

Benedict: Is that what’s happening right now?

Daphne: Who said I’m sabotaging anyone?

Daphne: I didn’t even say what he asked for advice about

Daphne: Could’ve been where to do his taxes

Sophie: Was it about his taxes, Daphne?

Daphne: I just don’t know if it’s within the “parameters of this game” for me to disclose that.

Kate:

eloise: what did you hit us with the podium meme for then

Daphne: It’s just a good representation of me right now! I’m so happy that people are finally willing to confide in me again 🥰

hyacinth: confide what tho

hyacinth: confide WHAT

Daphne: I can’t say!

gregory: daphne i’m sorry but this is kind of nasty of you 😭

gregory: like if you really do know smth that we don’t, you can’t just keep that from us

eloise: hyacinth look at this

eloise: your rules have holes in them

hyacinth: this isn’t my fault??

Benedict: Kind of is

hyacinth: how was i supposed to predict everyone was gonna cheat like this

hyacinth: i was counting on people having INTEGRITY

Anthony: Integrity like when you tried to help Kate win a week ago?

4:33pm, Sun 27 Apr – from: hyacinth, to: Kate

hyacinth:

Kate: Don’t fess up to anything!

Kate: He has no proof

4:34pm, Sun 27 Apr – WAGER

hyacinth: i have no idea what you’re talking about

Anthony: I saw the texts.

Kate: What texts?

Anthony: Good one.

Kate: No, really? What texts?

Kate: Tell us what you’re talking about.

Anthony: Alright.

Anthony: You wrote Hyacinth at 2:39p on the 21st – the day you bet on, by the way – to ask if she could help nudge Colin in right direction.

Kate: You’ve gone through my messages?

Simon: Someone remind me what we’re doing this for again?

Simon: Not for Colin, surely

Sophie: You were the first one to volunteer to do this

eloise: maybe you shouldn’t have put actual money on it

Kate: It’s not about the money

Anthony: It’s not about the money!

Anthony: It’s about the glory of being right.

Anthony: And no, I didn’t go through your phone. You’re just logged into Messages on the iPad, and I was using it.

Anthony: I saw every last word you wrote Hyacinth and Felicity.

4:41pm, Sun 27 Apr – from: hyacinth, to: Kate

hyacinth: kate…

Kate: I know

Kate: I’m better than this 😪

4:41pm, Sun 27 Apr – WAGER

Kate: Well Hyacinth wasn’t even successful, and I haven’t seen any votes

Anthony: 👍

Sophie: 👒

Daphne: 🧶

Kate: I don’t know what I expected when I said that

Sophie: Can we get back to Daphne?

Simon: Yeah Daff I want to know what Colin asked you

Daphne: Oh, I’ll tell you! 😊

Daphne: You’re the exception

Daphne: I’m in the living room, come here

Violet: Daphne, you can’t do that!

gregory: SIMON WE’RE COUNTING ON YOU TO SPILL

Simon: I don’t think I’ll be doing that

Simon: This has brought something very sinister out all of you

Simon: Not Kate and Anthony, they’ve always been like this and there’s no changing them

Simon: But the rest of you, yeah

Sophie: We were already this way!! Just tell us what you know

Sophie: We can’t conduct a wager like this

Benedict: The spirit of sportsmanship is just gone, I think we have to accept that

Kate: I don’t have to accept anything!

Kate: Hyacinth, do something!

hyacinth: no bc this is called withholding information

hyacinth: simon’s lost and you’re BOTH getting kicked out

[hyacinth removed Simon and Daphne from “WAGER”]

Violet: This one I support.

5:29pm, Sun 27 Apr – from: Anthony, to: Kate

Anthony: We have champagne, right?

Kate: If you think I’m helping you get away with flouting the rules after all that

Anthony: How am I flouting the rules?

Anthony: I don’t even like half the people we’ve invited.

Anthony: Was firmly in “I’ll believe it when I see it” mode before, but if Colin’s decided to stick around more than at least a few months, I'm happy to cheers that.

Anthony: The first time he told me he wanted to go off I thought it was because he wanted to put off any real considerations about what he was going to do, and even then I hadn’t realised it’d stretch into this.

Anthony: Long realised my telling him what to do isn’t going to work, so if he’s finally got reason to decide to not keep running off again, I’ll be happy for that too.

Kate: Go to hell

Anthony: That was me being sincere!

Kate: I know!

Kate: I know it was, and I know what kind of place that came from, and you know I know that

Kate: I will see if we’ve got enough champagne.

Anthony: Thank you.

7:18pm, Sun 27 Apr – from: Penelope, to: eloise

eloise: did you leave already?

eloise: I feel like we keep missing each other lol

Penelope: No, just ducked out to get a bottle of red!

eloise: you do NOT have to take anything to kate and anthony’s

eloise: none of us are

eloise: you’re not gonna listen to me

Penelope: I’m not, no

8:34pm, Sun 27 Apr – WAGER

Benedict: You all agree with me that Anthony’s lost by now, right

Violet: Yes.

Anthony: What have I done?

hyacinth: can you like 😭😭😭 be fr

gregory: what did anthony do lol

Kate: “What did he do” – Greg, are you not here?

gregory: i’m….. omw

Kate: Greg!

gregory: IM ALLOWED TO BE LATE you guys didn’t even invite me!

Benedict: He toasted Colin and then he also toasted Penelope

Benedict: Then he had them stand next to each other and ended with “To Colin and Penelope, both!”

eloise: and then they magically got married <3

Anthony: Thank you!

Anthony: This is beyond a stretch, I haven’t done anything.

Anthony: Penelope brought a Cabernet that went very well after the champagne, and I felt like toasting to that too.

Anthony: Not really sure how that can be construed as cheating on my part.

eloise: I wasn’t defending you I’m making fun of how seriously you’re all still taking this

Sophie: Hey everyone stop texting

Sophie: I’m trying to read this post

Daphne: What post?

8:37pm, Sun 27 Apr – Bridgerton Family GC

Sophie: It’s not Cressida

Kate: What are you talking about? What’s not Cressida?

Sophie: Whistledown

colin: what? how do you know that?

[Sophie sent a link]

Sophie: Says she's taking the piss

Benedict: Oh my god?

hyacinth: oh my god SLFKJDSLFJSJFSKLDJF

Kate: Where’s she gone?

Daphne: Cressida?

hyacinth: me personally, i’d leave the country

Kate: No, not Cressida! Penelope

Kate: Colin too, actually

Kate: They’re not here

8:40pm, Sun 27 Apr – from: eloise, to: Penelope

eloise: hey! where’d you go?

[Penelope has Do Not Disturb turned on. She will not receive a notification. Notify anyway?]

8:40pm, Sun 27 Apr – from: Benedict, to: colin

Benedict: Wya?

[colin has Do Not Disturb turned on. He will not receive a notification. Notify anyway?]

8:58pm, Sun 27 Apr – WAGER

eloise: she hasn’t texted me back yet 🙃

Benedict: Colin hasn’t replied to me either

Sophie: The way we could just finish this thing off if Daphne or Fran told us what Colin told them

Violet: Where has Daphne gone?

Anthony: Why is everyone leaving?

gregory: maybe they heard i wasnt there 😂 🤷

Kate: You WERE invited! We invited you!

9:00pm, Sun 27 Apr – from: Daphne, to: eloise

Daphne: Hey! Are you okay?

Daphne: Simon told me he saw you slip out to the patio

Daphne: Do you want some company?

eloise: no

eloise: nothing personal

eloise: I think I'd just like to be alone, and you won't want the secondhand anyways

eloise: I won’t tell anyone else because I have – and I cannot emphasise this enough – zero interest in winning in this wager

eloise: but

eloise: they are seeing each other, right?

Daphne: Yes

Daphne: Quietly though

Daphne: It was only implied to me, and I think it’s because it’s a big deal for them both, they want it to stay between them for now

Daphne: Don’t be upset with them! The only reason he let me on is because he really did want some advice about it.

eloise: I’m not upset

eloise: I think.

eloise: still trying to put a finger on how I feel

eloise: it’s sort of like I’ve suddenly become second fiddle

eloise: to some other surprise fiddle

eloise: since when was the other fiddle as to close to penelope as I am

eloise: why can’t she even TELL me about the other fiddle

eloise: kind of see the value in your firepit now it’s cold as fuck out here

Daphne: Let me come join you?

Daphne: Please?

Daphne: I really won’t mind the smoke

eloise: no I’m really fine

eloise: I think I’m just gonna go home

9:03pm, Sun 27 Apr – from: gregory, to: Anthony

gregory: i’ve just pulled up

gregory: i really am sorry for being late

gregory: was just working on a thing and i lost track of time

Anthony: You don’t have to say sorry to me.

Anthony: But I think Kate thought you were non-jokingly holding a grudge, so if you can apologise to her, that’d be nice.

gregory: yeah. of course.

11:40pm, Sun 27 Apr – from: colin, to: Benedict

colin: hey sorry

colin: got a headache so i head back to my place early

Benedict: All good

Benedict: Just wondered where you went

Benedict: Thought maybe because you Irish goodbye'd that you might've left with someone else

Benedict:

colin: a gif?

colin: dinosaur

Benedict: I KNOW HE PUT YOU UP TO THIS AND IT’S NOT FUNNY

1:16am, Mon 28 Apr – from: Penelope, to: eloise

Penelope: Sorry! Just seeing this

Penelope: Was feeling a little tired!

Penelope: I went home!

eloise: really?

eloise: I’ve been home for like three hours

Penelope: Sorry I meant my mum’s, not ours

Penelope: She’s so much closer to Kate and Anthony’s, I figured I’d just crash

eloise: ah ok

eloise: feel better babe ❤️

eloise: SEE

eloise: 😫

eloise: THIS is what I mean

eloise: I’ve known this bitch my entire life and she can’t even tell me who she’s with!!!

Penelope: What

eloise: WHAT !

eloise: holy SHIT I’m so so so sorry

eloise: that was NOT meant for you

Penelope: No I got that

Penelope: ...who are you talking about?

eloise: fran

eloise: my sister francesca

eloise: who you know, of course

eloise: I just got a text from frannie

eloise: and I meant to text daphne

eloise: because

eloise: you know

eloise: the stuff with michael

Penelope: Right right

eloise: sorry again 😅

1:24am, Mon 28 Apr – from: eloise, to: Daphne

[eloise sent a screenshot]

eloise: meant to text you

Daphne: Nice save at the end?

eloise: you don’t have to lie to me

6:07pm, Mon 28 Apr – from: Francesca, to: eloise

Francesca: Free to talk?

eloise: yes actually

eloise: literally just stepped out of the flat

eloise: colin’s come over

Francesca: You invited him?

Francesca: …for the wager?

Francesca: Here I thought you didn’t care

eloise: no definitely not for the wager

eloise: I sent a somewhat sus text to penelope last night and I’m trying to play it off

eloise: pretend like everything’s chill

eloise: everything IS chill

eloise: but like

eloise: the energy is different

eloise: I can’t even tell if it’s because they’re a couple or if it’s because there’s this open secret and neither of them have bothered to tell me themselves yet

eloise: like just now they were making some joke about the windows at danbury publishing?

eloise: and I felt a little strange that THEY had to explain an inside joke to ME

Francesca: I’m sorry

Francesca: Know that them not saying anything yet probably has none to do with you, and all to do with them?

eloise: no like, on one level I do know that. it's not about me.

eloise: but it still kinda sucks!

eloise: I should’ve gatekept penelope harder or something

eloise: she’s literally MY friend! before she’s yours, no offence

eloise: and before she’s hyacinth’s, and definitely before she’s colin’s!

Francesca: Can I ask you a question?

eloise: i’m not jealous

eloise: I did consider it, and it’s not that, if that’s what you were about to ask me

Francesca: Can I ask you something else, then?

eloise: yes I’m absolutely sure

eloise: if that was your second question

Francesca: Just making sure

eloise: I wish

eloise: that might actually have been easier than what this is

Francesca: Sorry, having feelings for Penelope while she's with Colin would've been better than this?

eloise: yes!

eloise: feelings is one thing, you can't always help those and it's not necessarily anyone's fault

eloise: also if pen were gay I would've pulled way before colin ever thought to

eloise: but she and I have always fit well together, and this just feels like a reminder that I don't have anyone else, and she does

eloise: and I hate feeling that way because it just feels very selfish of me as a friend and I sound so petulant even talking about it

eloise: ok you know what it was quiet inside for a while which was concerning but I do hear voices now

eloise: I'm just gonna go back in while it’s safe

eloise: or… did I filibuster our time? you wanted to talk to me abt something right?

Francesca: No it can wait!

Francesca: Go on, save face

Francesca: I’ll call you later, but before you go –

Francesca: As long as you're not putting that on Pen, I don't think you're a selfish friend

Francesca: I think it's human to react to people you care about moving on or changing before you're ready for them to

1:02am, Sat 3 May – Featheringhuns 🇮🇪

Prudence: Well?

Penelope: Well what

Phillipa: Tell us how the date went?

Penelope: Do neither of you have anything better to do at 1 in the morning?

Phillipa: I’m up because I’m breastfeeding

Phillipa: I can’t speak for Pru

Penelope: Well, you should get some sleep.

Penelope: I know I’m going to. Goodnight!

1:04, Sat 3 May – from: Felicity, to: Penelope

Felicity: Even they can tell something’s off

Penelope: Nothing’s off

Penelope: Not sure where any of you are getting that from

Felicity: I guess we all thought you’d have more to say

Felicity: Since it’s Colin

Penelope: It is Colin

Felicity: ...and?

Penelope: And he’s just

Penelope: Not what I expected I guess

Felicity: In a good way?

Felicity: …in a bad way?

Penelope: Neither

Penelope: I really am going to bed.

Penelope: I’ll see you Monday.

2:46pm, Sun 4 May - from: gregory, to: Penelope

gregory: hi penelope!

gregory: i know we were doing this over email so far but i wanted to just quickly say thank you so much for looking over my essays for me

gregory: put in my app yesterday, and i’ll let you know if i hear back

Penelope: Happy I could help 😊 I didn’t tell a soul about it either!

gregory: tysm

gregory: yea you’re much better at keeping secrets than eloise lol

Penelope: I don’t know if that’s true, but this did sound important to you, and I'm sure there are other people you could've gone to for help if you'd not minded your family knowing

gregory: yeah no i was getting in my head about it so if i don’t get anywhere with this fellowship i’d rather no one else know that i even applied

Penelope: I may be out of line in saying this

gregory: oh god

gregory: 😫😫😫😫😫

gregory: ur gonna say you didn’t know i was interested in law

Penelope: No!

Penelope: That’s not what I was going to say at all

Penelope: But now YOU’VE said it, so if that’s true, can I ask why you’re doing this?

gregory: that’s… yeah

gregory: that’s sort of why i needed you to look over my stuff

gregory: even i didn’t believe what i wrote

Penelope: Well, do you like what you’re doing now?

gregory: not really

gregory: i’m kinda bored with it

gregory: and i know i’m bored because there’s actually no other reason for me to be gaslighting benedict about gifs right now

gregory: whatever he claims i said i def did 😭

gregory: it's always that way when colin's back tbh

gregory: obviously i'm excited to see him but then it's like there's them three again, and i feel a bit left out, and like i have to distinguish myself from them, and i start acting a little less maturely because of it

gregory: which i dont really love, because i'm aware of it but i feel myself doing it anyways

Penelope: You know, I don't have brothers, and I didn't really want to always be included in my sisters' things, but I get that

Penelope: I think it's one thing to know you feel insecure about something, and a totally different thing to manage it

Penelope: But I also didn't mean what you were doing for work!

Penelope: Sorry, I was talking about your coaching Edmund’s football team

Penelope: I think I might’ve missed you at Kate and Anthony’s? But I heard from more than one person how great you were doing with the team

gregory: really?

Penelope: Yeah! Colin said it, Eloise said it, Anthony and Kate both said it. They all sounded very impressed.

gregory: youre just making up the eloise one

Penelope: I've got no reason to lie to you

gregory: huh

gregory: honestly i only got asked because they told kate it was against the rules for simon to do it, since he’s still a professional coach

Penelope: See, I genuinely didn’t know about that part!

Penelope: I just heard you’re really good with the kids

Penelope: Not trying to overstep, because my fingers are also crossed for you on the fellowship, but if you enjoy the coaching, maybe it’s something to also think about?

gregory: i… will consider that

gregory: thank you

8:17pm, Sun 4 May – from: eloise, to: colin

[eloise sent a photo]

eloise: was this from you?

colin: yeah

colin: i know you didn’t want my old yoga mat, so i just ordered you one

eloise: oh

eloise: neat. thanks

colin: that’s all?

eloise: what the fuck else did you want me to say

colin: no lol nothing more! it’s just that

colin: i picked an ugly one on purpose

colin: you’re not telling me you like the cow print?

eloise: I hate the cow print deeply and I will be exchanging it for another one

eloise: but it took me by surprise you’d even remember something like that so as much as I’d like to be annoyed with you

eloise: I can’t

4:59pm, Mon 5 May – from: gregory, to: eloise

gregory: k i’ve been thinking

gregory: fran is busy, i won’t bug her

gregory: but so long as you and i don’t get caught, i think i found a loophole

6:32pm, Mon 5 May – from: gregory, to: eloise

gregory: let me know when you see this

8:01pm, Mon 5 May – from: gregory, to: eloise

gregory: starting to feel like i’m the only one with my head in the game here 🤨

8:07pm, Mon 5 May – Kevin, Joe, and Frankie

gregory: ok let’s huddle gang

gregory: bc i have been thinking

gregory: and i don’t see why can’t we just outright ask colin about penelope

gregory: if he says no he says no, we move

gregory: “it’s against the rules” but benedict’s also already out the game

gregory: there’d be no penalty if he does it

Benedict: Have you decided I’m not a snake anymore

gregory: i was a different person when i said that

Anthony: We can’t ask Colin about Penelope. It’s touchy.

gregory: so you DO know something

Anthony: I do not.

gregory: then? what’s the harm in asking

Benedict: Because when we did ask him about her, he got very defensive and ended up shouting that he wasn’t ever going to date her, just as she walked by

Benedict: One of the most horrifying moments of my life, and I wasn’t even the one who said it

gregory: 😃

gregory: bitch?

8:09pm, Mon 5 May – WAGER

gregory: SNAKES IN OUR MIDST

[gregory removed Anthony and Benedict from “WAGER”]

Kate: What did they do?

8:10pm, Mon 5 May – Kevin, Joe, and Frankie

Anthony: Why would you bring that up?

Benedict: YOU brought it up first!

Anthony: To you! Not to anyone who didn’t know about it!

gregory:

Benedict: Did you make this just now?

Benedict: That was so fast.

gregory: who else knows about it??

Anthony: Just us and Penelope.

Anthony: It’s the reason I said it’d be best not to meddle.

Anthony: Contrary to popular belief, Colin doesn’t need any help figuring things out for himself.

Benedict: Doesn’t want or doesn’t need?

Anthony: Both.

Benedict: That doesn’t sound like you

Anthony: I’m the only one here with enough perspective to see that.

Benedict: That’s more like it

Anthony: Also, please don’t repeat what Ben said to anyone else. I don’t think Penelope would appreciate that.

Benedict: And also!! To put things into context, the wager didn’t exist when it happened

Benedict: It was seven years ago

gregory: SEVEN years ago?

Benedict: Yes!

Benedict: Like Frannie wasn’t even married yet

gregory: oh

gregory: i thought u meant this happened like

gregory: the other week

gregory: wish you’d said something before they kicked you out of the other chat like omg...

[Benedict removed gregory from “Kevin, Joe, and Frankie”]

Benedict: Don’t add him back

Benedict: On my last nerve

8:13pm, Mon 5 May – WAGER

Sophie: Greg, come back!

Sophie: What did they do?

gregory: …im afraid i can’t tell you

gregory: but technically speaking

gregory: they were leaving us out of something

hyacinth: ?

hyacinth: stop playing with us

gregory: wait

gregory: are you going to boot me?

gregory: wait wait wait wait wait wait wait WAIT

gregory: DON’T BOOT ME

gregory: WE CAN ADD THEM BACK

gregory:

gregory: DON’T BOOT ME

Kate: But if you know the thing they’re keeping from us… then aren’t you also leaving us in the dark?

hyacinth: grounds for disqualification methinks

Kate: Anthony too.

[hyacinth emphasized a message: Anthony too.]

gregory: YOU DON’T HAVE CONTEXT

hyacinth: was it related to colin and penelope?

gregory: MAYBE

hyacinth: then

[hyacinth removed gregory from “WAGER”]

eloise: do we add ant and ben back?

Sophie: No, I think we’re good as-is

6:07pm, Thurs 8 May – from: colin, to: Penelope

colin: hi

Penelope: Hi

colin: i know we have a res at 7, but i’m still trying to finish this thing up

colin: raincheck?

Penelope: We can cancel?

colin: oh

colin: cancel?

Penelope: Yeah I mean

Penelope: We don’t have to go

colin: i want to go!

colin: just another night

colin: pen?

colin: i can see the bubble appearing and disappearing

colin: go on

Penelope: I just

Penelope: I don’t know

Penelope: I know you don’t want to talk about the Whistledown stuff anymore

Penelope: But I wish we could

colin: we can talk about it if you want

Penelope: Okay great

Penelope: I wish you weren’t ashamed of me for it

colin: i'm not!

Penelope: …is that true?

Penelope: Because we haven’t talked about it since the day you found out, and even when I try to bring it up now, you change the subject

colin: i do

Penelope: So?

Penelope: Tell me what that is

colin: okay

colin: we can get into it, okay

colin: here’s what

colin: i will admit part of what i said then was me fearing the worst, if other people knew

colin: and you must feel some of that too, else you wouldn’t have done it anonymously.

colin: but a lot of it was not to do with you, at all

colin: it was just me being jealous

Penelope: Jealous of who?

colin: come on

colin: you know

Penelope: I really don’t

colin: pen, you have something

colin: something where everyone cares a lot about what you have to say

colin: regardless of whatever they claim to think about it, they care

colin: my mum’s friend charlotte cares what you have to say, and she owns the biggest newspaper in england

colin: can’t even say anyone takes an interest in it just to be nice, because no one knows it’s you

colin: at the end of the day, that must feel so good

Penelope: This is that you think people don't care what you have to say?

Penelope: Because let me tell you

colin: no i realise what that sounds like

colin: i just mean, were i to do anything with the journals i have

colin: the people in my life would tell me it's good, because they kind of have to? and i'd just never know if it was anything actually worth saying

Penelope: This has been about your journals?

Penelope: Did you not believe me when I told you I’d really enjoyed what I’d read?

colin: i did believe you

Penelope: Because I do read a lot of things, and I do sometimes give feedback to writers I don't always mean, but I was honest about what I said to you.

Penelope: I’ve never left England before, and you made me feel like I was where you were.

colin: you said

colin: it meant a lot to me

colin: it still means a lot to me

colin: it also made it feel a hundred times worse that i let jealousy eat at me at all?

colin: with my family, it's one thing, even if it feels like they're all asking me to go back to being fun or whatever

colin: but with you, and this, it felt like such a disgusting thing, to be jealous, and i'm embarrassed knowing that you saw any of that from me

colin: i don't WANT to be a bitch about any of this

Penelope: I don’t think you're... that

colin: is that true?

Penelope: Well, okay

Penelope: It’s more that you took me by surprise

Penelope: But I didn’t mean to make out as if you’re not allowed to be imperfect

Penelope: I’m sorry

Penelope: Didn't even realise you might've felt some kind of way about that

colin: do not be sorry

colin: I’M sorry

Penelope: No, I started worrying when you didn’t align with the version of you in my head, and the boyfriend I used to picture you'd be, and that’s not really fair to you

colin: no because i get that! i really do

colin: i’ve known you for years and yet

colin: you are not what i expected

Penelope: In a bad way?

colin: in the best way!

colin: in the best way

colin: and i do want to talk about your work with you, without making you feel like i’m imposing my own things onto you

colin: i've got so many questions about how this started in the first place?

Penelope: It's not as exciting as you'd think

Penelope: My mum was taking me places I didn’t want to be, and I know it was because she wanted to save face and let everyone know we were fine after what had happened with my dad

Penelope: But I was 17, and no one wanted to talk to me, and I was bored and miserable because Eloise wasn’t there

Penelope: So I just started scribbling things down

Penelope: Like, here’s how I would break down the night if she were sitting next to me and I was talking right to her and we were making fun of it together

Penelope: But it caught all this traction after I wrote one post about Simon and your sister, because obviously everyone knew who Simon was, and I don’t know

Penelope: It became a lot bigger than me

Penelope: So I don’t really know what Eloise would think of it at this point

colin: you could always tell her now?

colin: it's your friendship, and not mine, but that might be better than her just finding out

Penelope: Yeah, I know

Penelope: Maybe after I tell her about you and me. One thing at a time.

colin: you do know she used to joke about hacking the account

colin: just to find who it was

Penelope: Oh I remember!

Penelope: She joked about it enough that I decided to link the account to this throwaway email I once made when I was upset with my Mum

Penelope: [email protected]

Penelope: Just in case anyone really ever did try to hack it

colin: you’re kidding

colin: i so would’ve put that together?

Penelope: You would've, yeah

Penelope: El probably would've too

Penelope: It wasn’t that sophisticated a set-up

Penelope: Like I said, I was 17

Penelope: I’ve only gotten away with this because no one’s been paying attention

Penelope: I can tell you more about it over dinner... tomorrow?

Penelope: Realising I’ve never gotten to tell anyone I’m a writer either, this is quite nice

colin: i'd like that

colin: does you setting a date for dinner mean you and i are good?

Penelope: Yes

Penelope: We are

coln: okay. good :)

colin: also, are we the only people in the office?

Penelope: We are

Penelope: I'm supposed to be locking up today

Penelope: So actually, just waiting around on you

Penelope: Why?

colin: well i don't want to keep you waiting or anything

colin: but idk

colin: could also stand to take a little break

8:27am, Fri 9 May – from: Fife, to: Peggy

Fife: Have you noticed the handprints on the window?

Fife: Over by Bridgerton’s desk?

2:33pm, Weds 14 May – office goss

Felicity: Pen!

Felicity: Cressida Cowper is here

Felicity: She’s asking to see you, but I can tell her you’re busy if you want?

Penelope: No, let her in

2:33pm, Weds 14 May – from: colin, to: Penelope

colin: what does she want with you?

Penelope: Guess I’m going to find out

2:50pm, Weds 14 May – office goss

Penelope: Felicity, could you ask Fife to push our 3 o’clock?

Felicity: Yeah!

Felicity: Are you still with Cressida?

Penelope: No

Penelope: But just tell him I had to step out for a minute

2:50pm, Weds 14 May – from: colin, to: Penelope

colin: what’d she say?

colin: pen?

4:10pm, Fri 16 May – sour patch kids kids

colin: hey so

colin: penelope is coming with you guys to simon and daff’s tonight

eloise: is that a question or a direction

colin: it’s whatever you want it to be

colin: stick to her like glue for me will you?

hyacinth: please don’t say the word glue it’s offensive and triggering and frankly disrespectful to me

colin: i don’t know the origin of that and i don’t have time to ask

eloise: can you at least tell us what’s going on?

eloise: is everything okay with penelope?

5:15pm, Fri 16 May – from: colin, to: Simon

colin: do you have a balcony at your house

Simon: You’ve been to my house many times

Simon: You were here two weeks ago

Simon: I've been married to your sister for over a decade and we’ve lived in one place the entire time

colin: you just did some renovation bro 😭🖐

colin: nor have i ever had a need for a balcony in all that time, so i was not paying close attention to the layout yall had going on

Simon: There's a small terrace?

Simon: You can only enter it from the master bedroom, but it’s there

Simon: It overlooks the whole backyard

Simon: I don’t know if that works

colin: that’s perfect

colin: i have something else i want to tell you, but i’ll do it when i get there

colin: i’m two minutes away btw

5:34pm, Fri 16 May – from: Anthony, to: Kate

Anthony: Guess what.

Anthony: He just called me and told me.

Anthony: He definitively told me.

Anthony: It's over.

Kate: When you say “he”

Anthony: Colin! Who else would I mean?

Kate: I don’t know, we’ve been in confirmation purgatory for so long

Kate: I just had to be sure

Kate: But the sigh of relief I just let out

Kate: Do you want me to put it in the other group chat?

Anthony: No, it’s okay.

Anthony: He said he’ll let everyone know tonight, and I want to respect that.

Anthony: He told me something else too, though.

Anthony: It’s big.

Kate: Bigger than… what you just said?

Anthony: Yes.

Anthony: Well, maybe not in the scheme of things, but it’s such a good secret.

Kate: Tell me?

Anthony: Come to the kitchen.

Anthony: I want to see your reaction.

6:18pm, Fri 16 May – from: eloise, to: Daphne

eloise: hey! I think I might leave yours a little early tonight. a friend of mine’s invited me to hers, and I decided I’d go hang for the weekend. I don’t want to make a big thing out of it but yeah. just a heads up. I should be back by tuesday!
[This message was not delivered. Try again?]

8:34pm, Fri 16 May – Marrieds

Daphne: What is Colin up to?

Benedict: Question for the ages innit

9:09pm, Fri 16 May – from: Daphne, to: Simon

Daphne: Have you seen Colin?

Simon: Yeah he’s in our bedroom

Daphne: …

Daphne: And why is that?

Simon: Because he wants to make an announcement and I told him he could do it from the terrace

Daphne: Announcement?? About what?

Daphne: 👀

Daphne: About Penelope?

Simon: Yes

Simon: But not what you’re thinking

Simon: Actually, it is what you’re thinking, but it’s coupled with something else he wanted to tell everyone

Daphne: Tell me?

Simon: He’ll say it himself!

Daphne: Yeah but know I want to now!

Daphne: Please? 🥺

Simon: Fine

Simon: I’m making myself a s’more

Simon: Come here

9:19pm, Fri 16 May – Bridgerton Family GC

Daphne: I know it's getting late and they're getting restless, so I've put on a Disney Plus movie upstairs for the little ones! If yours want to join, @Sophie and @Benedict

Benedict: Which movie?

Daphne: Bambi

eloise: hey speaking of

eloise: where is greg

hyacinth: was he not invited again lolol

Daphne: He was!

Daphne: I made sure to put his name down

gregory: heyyy yea sorry im coming

gregory: arch and i were getting drinks to celebrate

Kate: Celebrate? What happened!

gregory: 😋

hyacinth: wait stop one minute

hyacinth: whats colonic doing up there

gregory: 🧍

gregory: i’ll just get it out before colin steals my thunder but i’ve decided i’m gonna substitute teach in the fall, see how i like it

gregory: small potatoes but i’m excited

[Kate loved a message: i’ll just say it anyways before colin steals my thunder but i’ve decided i’m gonna substitute teach in the fall, see how i like it]

9:34pm, Fri 16 May – from: Agatha, to: Charlotte

[Agatha shared a contact]

Agatha: There’s your profile.

9:34pm, Fri 16 May – from: hyacinth, to: eloise

hyacinth: eloise!!!!!

hyacinth: hurry up and get back here

hyacinth: they finally came clean!!

hyacinth: i can’t believe you were in the bathroom for this lmao

9:34pm, Fri 16 May – from: Kate, to: Anthony; Sophie; Daphne; Benedict; Simon; gregory; Francesca; hyacinth; eloise; Violet

Kate: So it’s over for real now

gregory: but is it like

gregory: over over

Benedict: He just called her his girlfriend and then stuck his tongue down her throat in front of everyone

Benedict: So I’d say yeah

Simon: Did anyone bet on today?

Daphne: Yeah who’s actually left in this wager?

Daphne: I feel like almost everyone's been disqualified

hyacinth: yeah :( we're all losers

Sophie: How much money did we put together?

hyacinth: thirty quid each

hyacinth: so £330

Sophie: I say we give it to them and tell them to go to a nice dinner?

Violet: That's a nice idea, Sophie.

Simon: What do we tell them the money was for though

9:45pm, Fri 16 May – from: Benedict, to: Sophie

Benedict: You’re smiling

Sophie: I’m thinking of the number of times I’ve read Colin get described as ‘charming’ or ‘striking’ or ‘funny,’ and now I feel like I should’ve put two and two together

Sophie: Not that he’s not those things, necessarily

Sophie: But… I see how especially partial Whistledown was to him, now

Benedict: She was very sweet on him, yeah

Sophie: Yeah

Sophie: Sorry I'm sure my going on and on about her probably sounds very inane from your perspective

Sophie: But your family also exists in a different echelon than like, most of London.

Sophie: I know some of you might turn your nose at it, but I’ve always found it exciting to be talked about by her

Sophie: It’s sort of like how you’re not really insecure about your age, and then Greg appears and all of a sudden you need him to validate whether you’re cool or not

Benedict: There’s absolutely nothing you could say that would sound inane to me

Benedict: But also please don’t bring up the gif thing anymore

Benedict: I have trauma

9:53pm, Fri 16 May – from: hyacinth, to: Felicity

hyacinth: 🧐

Felicity: What’s up

hyacinth: you don’t seem very surprised by this news

Felicity: Probably because I’ve known all along

Felicity: :-)

hyacinth: felicity fucking featherington

Felicity: ‘Fucking’ would’ve made such a class middle name

hyacinth: what the FUCK?

hyacinth: since when is ‘all along’???

Felicity: Since the day they disappeared from work after Penelope’s “meeting”

Felicity: They came back to our place and he said something to our mum about her not appreciating her enough, and that she needs to quit overlooking her, and yeah

Felicity: Also they’ve been on a few dates

hyacinth: felicity.

hyacinth: that was three entire weeks ago.

hyacinth: do you mean to tell me

hyacinth: that you’ve known

hyacinth: all that time

hyacinth: and you said nothing?????

Felicity: Yes that is what I’m telling you

hyacinth: explain why you kept this from me, immediately

Felicity: I don’t know!

Felicity: Something about Kate giving you way more than a third of the pot?

hyacinth: 😺

hyacinth: ok see

hyacinth: i didn’t know you knew about that

hyacinth: fair enuff

9:55pm, Fri 16 May – a himbo, a mean bisexual, an even meaner lesbian, a sunshine she/they, an astrology bitch who has everyone’s birth chart memorized, and a short king

Lucy: what’s your entire family huddling about ben?

Lucy: is there a blood sacrifice at midnight we should know about

Sophie: There was a bit of a pool going

Sophie: Over Colin and Penelope, and whether they were dating or not

Sophie: Can finally put it to bed tonight

henry: They’ve been seeing each other for weeks though… no?

genevieve: i thought so

Lucy: me too lmao

Sophie: ….what?

Sophie: You said weeks?

henry: Yeah?

henry: I saw them making out while I was waiting to pick up dimsum a couple weeks ago

genevieve: penelope threw an OOTD up yesterday, and she was wearing colin’s (sorry) ugly crocs

wetherby: what’s the name of the chap who works at kate’s shop?

wetherby: the handsome one

Lucy: lumley?

wetherby: yes

wetherby: colin was buying sunflowers from him the morning i went in

wetherby: reached the obvious conclusion then

Benedict: What the goddamn fuck

Benedict: Not a single one of you thought to mention any of this to us?

Benedict: This would’ve helped so much more two weeks ago

wetherby: how were we supposed to know you didn’t know?

wetherby: he’s YOUR brother

henry: As someone who’s played Mafia with Ben’s family before

henry: I’m going to venture a guess that what’s happened is they were too busy making sure no one else won to see what was very obviously happening right in front of them

wetherby: …neither ben or sophie replying

wetherby: that’s exactly what happened 😭

[Lucy laughed at a message: …neither ben or sophie replying]

genevieve: i guess the only thing that actually took me by surprise was penelope is whistledown?

Lucy: no same

wetherby: i’m torn between woah mama let’s unpack this and actually this was kind of hilarious of her

wetherby: i need to befriend her i had no idea she was this messy 😂

henry: Is that Charlotte approaching her?

Lucy: since when are you on a first-name basis?

henry: She’s an occasional patron of mine

genevieve: no but good for penelope!

genevieve: i didn’t realise she had it in her to keep such a secret

genevieve: and over something that had such an impact

Lucy: impact?

wetherby: “impact”

wetherby: i get it, she had a lot of followers but

genevieve: i’m being serious!

genevieve: she was more influential than you’re giving her credit for

genevieve: like the year she started mentioning my store by name, business skyrocketed

genevieve: i nearly paid off my student loans

henry: Really?

genevieve: no

genevieve: lol

genevieve: i got defensive because she’s my friend

genevieve: BUT i do enjoy gossip, and so do all of you

10:03pm, Fri 16 May – from: colin, to: Felicity

colin: bloop

Felicity: I thought you and my sister just left

colin: we’re about to head

colin: but i needed to tell you something

colin: two things!

colin: 1) thanks for keeping her and my secret for a bit, that was very nice of you

Felicity: I honestly did it to minorly spite someone else

colin: even better

colin: and 2) a little birdie told me that there’s another spot opening on creative soon, and i put your name forth

colin: you’d get to meet some illustrators we work with, see if that’s something you like

colin: don’t have to take them up on it, but if you’re interested!

Felicity: Did Benedict put you up to that?

colin: ben? no why

Felicity: Oh

Felicity: No, he and Sophie always humour me about my art

Felicity: Which is really nice of them! He even invited me to his friend’s gallery opening the other week, but I got so caught up with other stuff, I couldn’t make it in the end

colin: when you say other stuff

colin: do you mean school or do you mean the betting pool you had going

Felicity: ……

Felicity: How long have you known

Felicity: HOW did you know?

colin: lol

colin: didn’t really know anything other than the fact that one very likely existed

colin: because everyone was extremely unsubtle to the point it wasn’t even annoying, it was just funny

colin: anthony with a paperless post account? like there’s just no way

colin: also fran confirmed it last time i spoke to her

Felicity: I think you should do everyone else in your family a favour and just let them think they pulled this one over you

Felicity: Hyacinth especially

colin: yea that’s what fran said too

colin: but also, if i can reassure you of one thing – i highly, highly doubt ben and sophie are just humouring you about your art

colin: neither of them put me up to anything, either

colin: i've just heard so much about your watercolours

10:06pm, Fri 16 May – from: Anthony, to: Kate; Daphne; Benedict; Sophie; Simon; gregory; Francesca; hyacinth; eloise; Violet

Anthony: Correction – unless I missed something, I don’t think Eloise was ever disqualified.

Sophie: Ooo you’re right

Kate: Where is she?

10:07pm, Fri 16 May – crochet club

gregory: ELOISE

gregory:

gregory: YOU WON

gregory: WE DID IT HAHAHAHA

gregory: WHERE ARE YOU

10:10pm, Fri 16 May – from: Violet, to: Sophie

Violet: Sophie, you would know this.

Violet: Has my age ever been mentioned in Whistledown?

Sophie: I don’t think so?

Violet: Great. Thank you.

10:13pm, Fri 16 May – Bridgerton Family GC

[Violet added Penelope to “Bridgerton Family GC”]

Penelope: Woah

Penelope: Hi?

Penelope: Sorry for all the surprises tonight

Penelope: I also didn’t know what Colin had up his sleeve

Penelope: You don’t have to keep me in here or anything like that, I imagine this is just for family!

Penelope: And to be clear, it’s only been a few weeks 😅

Kate: I’m hoping this doesn’t come across as vaguely insane

Kate: Or it probably does, but whatever, you're a good friend and you'll understand if I say we’ve been waiting on this for some time

Violet: Yes.

Violet: You’re basically family.

Notes:

- thank you very very much to my betas, useyourtelescope and amalin, for letting me know this wasn't completely nonsensical to read and for their invaluable notes and suggestions! please check them out, they're both fabulous writers 💛
- when did colin catch on? thank you for asking, right around the time sophie told him to say hi to penelope at smythe-smith, but he had other things on his mind and couldn't really be bothered to follow up about whatever it was it seemed like they were collectively up to
- you’re wondering about gregory. he’s pansexual. i did this because i read his book and he was pansexual there too.
- anthony is only honorarily is the “newton’s tiktok account managers” chat. he does not have that app downloaded on his phone like please......
- housekeeping: this fic was set in 2031 because the kate/anthony version was set in 2021 (which was the year i wrote it – i hadn’t planned on it being a series when i first posted it, i was just doing it for fun because i’d really enjoyed TVWLM). what will texting look like? will we even have phones then? who knows! everyone be cool.
- here are hyacinth's gdoc calendars <3 kate was right on the date, francesca got the day everyone actually found out, but eloise technically won.

and here's me! thank you for reading! be well, have a good week, etc etc

Series this work belongs to:

← Previous Work Part 4 of bridgerton family group chats

Actions

Kudos

Growing1nonbelievers, rosethehattt, Swanqueen4life, Can_I_Just_Say, airnomad16, ab2248, ninisnightshade, Monita33, ViIsDaydreaming, EBDaydreamer, TalkAboutThePassion, Bblover, Akpach32, Klomo11, jgmund3, FernEdits95, Robin_sgirl, Shaninga, xerianthe, loubeelou, miss_tress, Psycho_gemini, Lovelee333, sophieroll, PrettyAud_VampyScones, Allsomehow, Kangkung_Biru, alisadubs, Mymotis, TalesofaCactus, OpaqueRose, Tatttyyyyyyyy, skaketgirl, DayssDreamy, nealandofqueenscove, Lutrick, ThePinkestOfBoos, MarryNiall, Hatefulkate2024, galaxyofstarks, RemarkableIndigo, M0m2b0yz17, Backonefish, Linziw26, sirhiss38742, supermagicscorpio, Princessvamp, weelilstan, Milca05, wild_flower_child, and 968 more users as well as 372 guests left kudos on this work!

Archive of Our Own^beta

Actions

Work Header