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“Just tell me what you need.”
“To be alone. I just need to be alone.” Bradley replayed the conversation in her mind. For a second, while Laura was offering her support, she’d almost forgot they weren’t together. She almost responded with “I just need a hug.” But before she did, their fight in Montana popped into her head, and how Laura wasn’t there for her. On the ranch when she was struggling, when she was crying on the floor, Laura was nowhere to be found. She didn’t get to abandon her then, and support her now. Now that she felt guilty for being the reason Bradley had made that video, she didn’t get to assuage her guilt by comforting her.
Bradley stared at the walls in her apartment. She turned on the news to find Cybil’s e-mail on all the headlines. She rolled her eyes. “Figures.” It didn’t surprise her in the least, she’d grown up around people like Cybil her whole life, so the only shocking part, was that it took so long for other people to see it. She turned the channel, and found an ad for YDA, Laura Peterson, smiling, laughing. God, she missed her. The commercial ended, and Bradley felt her heart drop. She needed to see her. She hit rewind on her remote and played the commercial again. Was Laura thinking about her? Just seeing her face brought Bradley so much comfort, and she wanted to be in her arms more than anything. But did she want it more than she cared about her pride? She rewound the commercial again. She paused when Laura looked straight into the camera, as if she were looking directly at Bradley. She stared back at the woman who knew some of her darkest secrets.
Bradley shook her head and turned off the TV, thinking she must be going crazy. Why would she rewatch that ad so many times? If Laura knew, it’d scare her even further away than she already was. She wondered if it ever crossed Laura’s mind to break the story on YDA, that there was a video out there that was sent to her, and would soon be released. Laura wouldn’t, right? She was too concerned about her, right? She’d been kind to her in the bathroom, and had sent Alex to check on her. There was no world in which Laura would take this story away from her… right? Bradley took a breath and picked up her copy of Guarding Evelyn. She hadn’t brought herself to read it since she left Montana. It was different when she was single, she wasn’t in the mood for love stories. She wanted breakup stories, and women murdering their husbands or getting revenge in some way. When she was single, she didn’t want to read about celebrities falling in love when her love life was as shitty as it was. But, she picked up the book, and opened it to the page she had bookmarked, and a little folded piece of paper dropped into her lap. She carefully unfolded it, knowing in her gut what it was, and she needed to see it. She unfolded the ripped piece of paper, as if the sheet of paper had been torn into 4 rectangles and this was one of those pieces. There was a note in black ink written in Laura’s handwriting.
Always remember, you’re worthy of love.
That was all it said. A tear fell from her eye. It brought her right back to Montana when things were at their best, and she’d find notes like that all the time. They started getting less the longer she stayed there, and that was one of the reasons she’d felt Laura didn’t want her there anymore. She tried to think of the last time she’d picked up the book, and what had happened since.
The day before Bradley left… Bradley had been on the phone with her brother, and Laura knew every time she talked with her family, she started to think she wasn’t worthy of someone who was better than them. Laura wasn’t wrong. Bradley always doubted her worth, doubted that Laura could possibly want her, every single time she talked to her family. Laura had tried to tell her she still wanted her there, Bradley just hadn’t got the note, until then. A lifetime later. She needed to see her.
Bradley walked up the steps to Laura’s home, and she took a breath, and then rang the doorbell. She held her breath, hoping some woman in her underwear and messy hair wouldn’t answer the door. That’s what always happened in the movies, when the ex showed up, finally ready to talk things out.
“Bradley.”
“Hi.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Um. Can we talk?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, um, I-” Bradley looked to her side as two people walked along the sidewalk past Laura’s house. Was Laura going to make her beg to be invited in? She looked up at her, hoping Laura could read her mind, but she waited patiently for Bradley to use her words and finish her sentence. “I just wanted to talk. I wish things had ended differently.”
“Would you like to come in?” Laura finally offered.
Bradley gladly nodded, and stepped inside Laura’s house. The unique scent of her ex girlfriend filled her nostrils and it was calming for some reason. It’d been forever since she’d been there, but as soon as she stepped inside, she remembered how safe it always made her feel. How she could be herself, let her walls down, and not have to worry about it ever leaving those walls. She quickly reminded herself that they were not together as she settled into her usual spot on the couch. Laura reminded her as well by not taking her usual spot right up next to her, but instead sitting adjacent to her. “You’re not going to leak the story of me and the video, right? You haven’t told anyone?” She asked, accusatory. She hadn’t meant to bring it up, but she couldn’t open with being vulnerable when Laura was giving her signals that she didn’t want her there again. God, she was so mad that she had to deliberately sit in a different spot to avoid being next to her. She knew that the anger was misplaced, and of course Laura wouldn’t sit right beside Bradley when there was an entire empty room and they were not together anymore. But she still found herself angry, since that was her default emotion whenever she was anything but happy.
Laura shook her head, and looked offended that Bradley would think that, and ready to set boundaries if Bradley continued with that tone. “I would never. This is your story, Bradley. If you want me to make a statement, tell me what you would like it to be, otherwise I don’t plan to speak on it.”
Bradley nodded. Of course Laura would be overly kind to her.
Laura looked at Bradley who had come all the way there, just to ask that? She was struggling. She had to be. “Why did you come here?”
“I don’t know.” She threw her arms up and whined as if Laura had asked her an impossible question.
“Yes, you do, Bradley. You wanted something, and you came here. Tell me why.”
“I missed you.” She whispered.
Laura was tempted to tell Bradley to speak up so she could hear her say it again, but she resisted that urge. The truth was, she missed Bradley too, but she wasn’t going to let her guard down that easily. She’d spent too much fucking money on therapy to go running back to Bradley the second Bradley hinted that she might want to be with her again. In all reality, Bradley had broken her heart. The day Bradley left felt like she had her heart ripped from her, and she still was never able to stop loving her, even with everything Bradley had put her through. She remembered the day she received the invitation to Bradley’s award, and she never even considered not going. Of course she would be there to support her. She was even excited when Bradley came up and talked to her, but Bradley had crushed her heart even more. Then, when she saw Bradley give her speech drunk, a little part of herself hoped it was because Bradley still had feelings for her. Then, days later, when she got the call from UBA, she had gotten there so fast, she arrived before Bradley had. After hearing the news, she asked if she could stick around and be there when Bradley found out. So she waited, putting her heart out there again, offering her comfort, her help in any way Bradley needed it, only to be shot down again. This was the first time Bradley had put herself out there, and Laura wanted to not shoot her down, but also not set herself up to get hurt again. “What do you miss?”
“I got your note. Um… the one you left in my book? I didn’t see it until now and…” She debated if she should go any further or put her walls back up and run away. She should run away, and not revisit the past with her ex, that would be the mature, rational thing to do. “It made me realize that I might have been wrong.”
“Might have?”
“I’m trying, Laura.” She wasn’t going to take the blame for the entire fallout. “You were trying to be there, and I was… I was missing being around people and… and you weren’t always there, and then my brother called and… you know how my family makes get, and I felt like I wasn’t good enough and… I’m sorry, okay?”
“Thank you.”
“That’s all you’re gonna say?” Bradley felt the rage boil inside her.
“I don’t know how to deal with your family, Bradley. I try to give you advice, and you get mad at me and twist what I say. It’s like you’re one person with everyone else, but when it comes to them, I don’t know what to do. So I gave you some space, I tried to leave little notes, but evidently you didn’t get them until now. I was doing the best I knew how.”
“So was I.”
“You hurt me when you left.” God, Laura hated herself for saying that out loud.
“I was hurting. I wish I had stayed or… we could’ve somehow worked things out.”
“I wish that were the case.”
“We were good together.” Bradley didn’t remember why she’d showed up in the first place. Was it to be mad? To try to get her back? To seek advice?
“We were great.” Laura smiled. The memories of them were still vivid in her mind, and the hope that they could be that good again was what made it all worth it. All the pain and humiliation she’d endured trying to get Bradley’s attention again would be worth it if they made even one new memory.
“I miss you, Laura. I really miss you.” She wanted to beg Laura to take her back, and forget the whole falling out thing had ever happened. She could see on Laura’s face that she felt the same way, and so why were they fighting it? “You told me to tell you what I need. I need you, Laura. I don’t want to go through this alone.” This, meaning, the video being made public, but also, life in general. After she’d slept with… Laura wannabe? That was the closest thing to a name she could come up with for her, for them. No matter how many lesbians, how many news anchors, how many dark haired girls she slept with, none of them were enough because none of them were Laura. They didn’t provide that safe space in their arms after a brutal day, like Laura always did. They didn’t understand her issues with her family because they were not there that day when Hal came to her work. Laura understood, and had been the one whose arms Bradley found comfort in after. “Covid… isolation was really hard. You know I’m a social person and… I lost my shit. I think the tension just got too high, and… now that we’re back here… I don’t know, I think things would be different.”
“How?” She needed to know she would not get her heart broken again the second something shifted in their relationship. She needed to know Bradley was in it for the long haul.
“We’ve both realized what it’s like to lose each other. We would know better than to let it happen again.”
That was exactly what Laura wanted to hear. She stood up and sat down in her usual seat beside Bradley. It felt right. “I don’t know if I could take losing you again.”
“You won’t.” Bradley had never in her life felt half as much for anyone else, as she did for Laura. She wondered if that was the whole love thing people always talked about. The thought that she could be in love with her ex, gutted her. She’d never found love before, and the one time she might have, she’d already screwed it up before she could realize what it might be. All she could do was hope Laura was willing to give her another chance.
Laura could feel the chemistry that was still in the air between them, the force that pulled her to Bradley that she’d had to fight in order to respect that it was over. But she finally allowed herself to be pulled in, and planted a kiss on Bradley’s lips. She could feel the smile spread on Bradley’s face as she did so.
“Does this mean we’re back together?”
“It means, I’m considering it.” She watched Bradley’s smile, and she wanted to go all in, but she had to protect herself. She couldn’t go into an exclusive, committed relationship with Bradley right away. She had to keep it casual until she felt Bradley was truly committed to her, until she was more confident that she wouldn’t get hurt again. She received a kiss from Bradley at her words, and she kissed her back. God, she knew she probably shouldn’t, but she wanted to. She wanted to stop being practical and allow them to have this moment.
Laura reached for the bottom of Bradley’s shirt, and gently lifted it over her head. She didn’t know how she’d survived so long without her. She ran her hands over her smooth skin and planted kisses on her shoulder, her clavicles, and up her neck. She allowed Bradley to remove her shirt, and return the action. She felt Bradley’s soft lips gently kiss her neck, and she forgot how much she truly needed her to survive. God, it was such a bad idea to go even this far if Laura wasn’t a thousand percent sure she wanted to fully fall for Bradley all over again, but it was too late. She had already begun her descent.
Bradley placed her hand at the top of the waistband of Laura’s pants, and Laura moved to assist her in sliding them off of her legs. Fuck. She missed her so much. She wanted to start crying at the pure relief that they were finally there again, and that it felt right. That sex could be intimate again, and be with the person she’d been trying to find a replica of since their breakup. She knew Laura said they weren’t together, but if she was feeling what Bradley was, that would change very soon. She felt the button of her jeans give way, and felt Laura’s hand under them, sliding down her thigh as Bradley allowed them to come all the way off, and she unhooked her own bra before she laid back on the couch, Laura’s lips never leaving her body. Nothing compared to that feeling, of her hands and mouth admiring every tiny little bit of her. Laura’s tongue on her nipple, her hands on her thighs. Bradley was in heaven.
Laura wanted to bury herself into Bradley and never leave. She wanted to cling to her body, and feel her skin on her fingertips for the rest of eternity. She felt Bradley’s arms around her as she ran her mouth over her breasts, and back up until she kissed her lips, her tongue reaching in Bradley’s mouth, where it belonged. It all felt so right, Laura let herself forget she had to keep her distance. She felt Bradley’s hands under her bra, and attempt to slide it over her head, so Laura completed the action, and laid on top of Bradley, kissing her, feeling Bradley’s breasts against her own bare chest, and she could swear she could feel Bradley’s heart beating in sync with her own. She finally reached for Bradley’s final article of clothing, and ran the tips of her fingers down her legs as she brought her underwear down them. She made her way back up by kissing her the entire way up, until she made it to the top of her inner thighs, and then Bradley guided her up to her lips, sat up, and finally laid Laura on her back. Laura could look, but not touch, and her mouth was watering, craving for a taste of her.
Bradley smiled, not wanting to wait another second to admire the body in front of her, to kiss and touch and lick the familiar yet foreign canvas. She admired Laura’s face, the way her mouth hung open as she enjoyed Bradley’s touch on her body. If she got another chance to have this forever, she promised herself she would not screw up again. She would take the blame, apologize instead of fighting back. Because what she had was worth it. Their connection, the intimacy, the electricity and buzz that ran through her at every spot their skin connected. Bradley was addicted to that feeling, and she would do everything in her power to never have to go through another withdrawal. She looked in Laura’s eyes as she hovered over her, and she could see Laura felt the same way about her. They’d missed each other. She felt Laura’s hand reach between her thighs and work its way up, and she smiled before she backed up, out of her reach, and laid a kiss on Laura’s lower abdomen, and tugged at Laura’s underwear until she lifted her hips, allowing them to slide off. God. She missed her. She missed the exhilaration that only came when it was Laura. She missed how natural it was, and how it always felt right, it always felt like that was where she was supposed to be. She kissed her inner thighs, earning a small gasp from Laura. She was adorable. She smiled and dragged her tongue up her body until she got to her lips, and wrapped her arms around her head, as Laura’s arms held her around the waist, taking in every moment they got to spend together, realizing how precious that time really was.
Laura felt Bradley’s body pressed against her own, and she needed more. She moved to a sitting position, Bradley on her lap, and then finally took her place over Bradley again, and she kissed her neck, and felt Bradley’s hand on her, sending a wave of electricity through her body. She’d planned to go down on her first, and then sit back and enjoy everything Bradley had to offer, but she craved for more of her touch, and so she turned around, straddling Bradley’s head, and feeling her tongue waste no time in making contact with her. She had forgotten how good it felt. She laid across Bradley’s body, and spread her folds with her index and middle finger, reacquainting herself with the most beautiful sight she’d ever see before she ran her tongue over it. She heard Bradley’s sharp inhale, so maybe she’d forgotten too.
All the Laura wannabees in the world would not compare to what it actually felt like to have Laura Peterson’s tongue run over her clit. That shit was unmatched, and coupled with Laura’s pussy over her face, her own tongue exploring each crevice? Bradley would never reach this level of happiness again in her life. She ran the tip of her finger gently over Laura, wanting to feel her, to caress her most sensitive areas, and treat it as if it were a delicate and priceless artifact, because to Bradley, it meant more to her than anything else in the world.
Laura was a sucker for being touched lightly, and she had not been touched by another woman in months. She’d tried to get over Bradley… once, and it didn’t work. She’d dated a lot of women in her past, but no one had been as impossible to get over as Bradley was. She could feel her legs beginning to tremble, and feel Bradley’s tongue work wonders with her body. Laura tried to breathe and make sure she kept up with giving Bradley the same in return, but her body was slowly unraveling, and so she latched onto Bradley’s clit, feeling the high through her body, her legs trembling, muscles clenching as she was taken right there to the edge, waiting.
“Uh.” Bradley moaned, Laura was sucking her clit as if her life depended on it, and her own body was trembling, and she held onto Laura’s thighs to brace herself. Laura had gone still, and Bradley knew she just needed a little push to send her over, so she gave it to her.
The sound of Bradley’s moan was enough in and of itself, but Bradley began sucking and releasing her clit over and over, and Bradley knew that drove Laura crazy, and she flew off that edge, her entire world exploding and she flew higher than she ever thought was possible, throbbing, trembling, her face buried in Bradley, sucking on her, her entire body overwhelmed by how great this woman was. She suddenly didn’t give a fuck if she got hurt again, because it was worth it. Bradley was worth it.
“Uh. Fuck, Laura.” Laura’s fluids were flowing out of her trembling body, loving what Bradley was doing, and watching it was too much for Bradley to handle. Her own body was so turned on by it, in addition to Laura relentlessly sucking her clit, she finally felt her own body reach the high she’d tried to achieve so many times since, but no one did it quite like Laura. “Uhhhhh.” She threw her head back and her legs wrapped around Laura’s head, Laura’s actions controlling her body as she experienced a high she would never again take for granted.
The night ended in Laura’s bed, both of them on top of the world, finally getting back the one thing they both missed the most. Both of them wishing they could officially be back together because after the night they shared, it really fucking felt like they had never broken up in the first place. Bradley wrapped her arm around Laura, and she finally remembered why she had gone over to Laura’s to begin with. It was to talk about the note… and she’d done that, and so much more.