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Aether’s unsure on how much more he can take, maybe he’s already past his breaking point because right now he wishes he could just disappear. He’s in Liyue, a bit away from the city but able to see the new Jade Chamber from his position. He has his back against one of Morax's statues, trying to heal his wounds from the countless dangerous commissions. With his eyes trained on the sky, he starts to dissociate, the only thing keeping him semi-gounded to reality is the cold stone and his bruised body.
There’s an emptiness in his chest, it’s been there since he watched his sister leave him behind to join the Abyss. There’s a piece of him missing, his wings. Where they used to be are riddled with scars from being struck by lightning fighting the Radien Shogun, the scars wrap around to his front, reaching his right side and down his hip, barely touching his abs. The rest of him is covered with light scaring, bruises—old and new—and burns, whether from the sun or the pyro slimes he went against along the way.
Aether’s mind drifts more, something dark creeping from the shadows of his mind. Truly, how much more monsters and humans alike will he have to hurt— kill even, just to find his sister. How many more betrayals will he have to go through, how many more people will he have to grieve. The betrayal of Jeht’s new tribe stung, the bloodshed was enough for Paimon not to speak much afterwards. The death of Teppi and the almost death of Dunyazad felt like the archons were trying to toy with him. He had grieved and turned that grief to anger and had hurt others until all he was left with another hole in his abused heart.
And still, he lets himself be used, manipulated, and lied to. Because what else does he have to offer? If any of those people have answers about his sister he’ll make damn sure to do everything he can to get in their favor.
Even after being the savior of 4 nations now, he has yet to get any solid help on finding his twin. Not even the gods are willing to help him, is he not worth it? Has he not given enough of his mind, body, and soul to these people? How many more times will he have to get hurt before he stops feeling it? How many more sleepless nights from trauma will he have to go through? How many memories will he have to remember on his own because the old dentro archon made it so. He feels so alone.
And maybe that’s what he deserves for not being able to save his sister from the unknown god. Maybe he deserves to be alone because he’s not strong enough, not good enough.
Aether has tried to die. Even after this world took his powers, he is still immortal. He can’t die. He always awakens next to whichever Statue of the Seven is closest or in his Serenitea Pot. He’s been stabbed, drowned, burned, electrocuted, suffocated, and yet he returns. Even if he tries to hurt himself, cuts a little too deep, he always returns to this god forsaken world. He wants to go away, he wants his twin back. He wants to be free from these shackles of responsibility and resentment.
His body reacted before his mind.
Aether had been just sitting there staring at the night sky when suddenly there was something cold on his cheek. His hand reached for his sword and he quickly drew it and looked for the source of the cold.
Oh.
His mind took a minute to process who he was seeing, his vision started to clear a bit more. His senses returned along with the pain in his back from the uncomfortable position and his hand gripping the hilt of his sword. The cold had been the back of the person’s fingers.
Xiao.
“Traveler, I saw you sitting here. Where’s your companion?” Xiao’s raspy voice dragged him further from the dreamland he was in, his hand had already retracted and he had taken a step back. Aether’s grip relaxed until he dropped his sword completely and brought his knees to his chest with a sigh. He plastered on a smile as he looked up at the Conqueror of Demons, whose face was devoid of emotion except for the slight frown of his brow.
“I was just relaxing, Paimon is sleeping in the Serenitea Pot” he said, after finding his voice. Xiao seemed to study him for a moment, most likely looking at his wounds before he nodded. The adeptus looked slightly uncomfortable, like he wanted to stay but didn’t know if he could. Aether softly smiled, finding Xiao’s hesitation a little funny.
“How about you then? What are you doing here?” he asked and patted the place next to him, scooting over a bit. Xiao’s eyes widened before he glanced away slightly but walked over, joining Aether on the statue's stone slab, tattooed shoulder brushing against Aether’s bandaged one as he leaned back against the statue.
“Clearing out hilitrul camps, they’re getting more frequent” Xiao responded. Aether nodded and moved his braid over his shoulder to fiddle with it, keeping himself from picking at his skin due to nerves.
“I could help you,” Aether offers easily, playing with the new feather he added to the gold piece that held the end of his braid. It’s Tadhla’s feather she left him, his heart ached thinking about it. She was a quiet girl but she was kind in her own way. He knew she didn’t want to be what her father wanted her to be. Their friendship was short but at least she died free.
The sound of Xiao clearing his throat made Aether snap from reminiscing about his time in the desert.
“It is my duty as a Yaksha under Morax’s leadership to protect these lands. So you don’t need to worry about it, Traveler” Xiao said back. Aether watched as the adeptus closed his eyes, seeming to relax slightly.
Aether had mixed feelings about the rejection of his help. He felt as if he wasn't strong enough in Xiao’s eyes but at the same time he felt relieved because his body is tired, his complete being is tired. He ran his pointer finger along the left side of the feather soothing it upwards so as not to disturb the vane too much.
“Trave-“ Xiao started to say but before he could finish whatever he was going to say, Aether felt an ugly feeling bubbling up his gut, it made him feel angry and uncomfortable. He couldn’t stop himself from snapping.
“Do you know my name?” It came out quick and sharp, he sucked air back through his barred teeth as red flooded his face from embarrassment. He snapped his mouth shut and ducked his head down. Xiao’s body shifted, he sat up from where he was leaning and faced Aether, but Aether could not meet his eyes, too ashamed at his outburst. He didn’t want to meet the Yaksha’s piercing gaze.
“Aether…” Xiao said softly, so softly it hurt . There was no hurt or judgment in his voice. It only made Aether feel worse about what he had done, if only he could control himself better. Control his emotions because he’s supposed to be the calm and collected one, he’s supposed to have a good head on his shoulders.
There was a hand on his, gently prying it away from his other arm that he had started to unconsciously scratch at. Xiao’s hand is cold as he brings it between them before setting it down, keeping his hand on top of Aether’s, keeping him in the moment, like Xiao knew he was falling apart which made him feel even more ashamed.
“Your name is Aether, I’m sorry, being called your given title is not always welcomed… I’m not too accustomed to humans” Xiao said awkwardly. In Aether’s peripheral he noticed how Xiao pushed back his own hair, seeming just as nervous as Aether.
“N-no, I’m sorry. I freaked out over something stupid as a title, I mean who does that?” A wet laugh left him from how ridiculous he sounded, not noticing how his eyes watered. He brought his hand away from Xiao’s and covered his face with both of his scarred palms as he laughed which slowly dissolved into cries.
He could feel Xiao’s awkwardness and hesitation as he set his hand on Aether’s upper back and gently patted as if he was a little kid crying over a broken toy.
Pathetic.
He’s utterly pathetic.
The voices in his head kept getting louder as his body shook from his cries, biting his lip to stay quiet. Aether couldn’t breathe, it felt like his chest was collapsing, his lungs couldn’t expand correctly as he tried to inhale.
Then there was pressure on his side. A strong arm wrapped around his shoulders and he was brought into Xiao’s side. The Yaksha slid his hand up and brought it to Aether’s head, burying his fingers in his blond hair and gently guiding his head onto his shoulder as he rocked lightly.
“Breathe, Aether.” Xiao instructed softly. Much more soft than Aether could ever imagine, as soft as the nimble fingers carding through the loose strands. It’s strange, the way Xiao’s voice and the rise and fall of his chest brought Aether back to the surface, out of the ocean of his own insecurities and fears. The voices started to fade as he matched his breathing to Xiao’s. Before he could feel embarrassed, Xiao spoke.
“Don’t feel ashamed. You’re human, like all the people you decide to help. Just because you are stronger than most doesn’t mean you can’t feel pain or emotions.” He said, a bit awkwardly but managed well enough for Aether to understand. Aether let his body go lax in Xiao’s hold, content with the pressure on his side and the fingers in his hair.
“T-thank you, I’m s-“
“Don’t apologize” Xiao said, not meaning to be rude, instead he seemed earnest. That he truly believed Aether shouldn’t have to apologize for his feelings.
So he did just that. Aether let himself breathe more easily, the smell of musk and qingxin flowers keeping him in this moment.
Xiao held him until he fell asleep.
When he awoke he was at Wangshu Inn, tucked into a comfortable bed. His eyes hurt from the crying and he knows they’re puffy right now. He sat up and rubbed his sore eyes and moved his messy bangs from his face, missing the feeling of someone’s fingers playing with his hair. Before any self-deprecating thoughts about how weak he felt could form, the door to his room opened. Painon floated in with a tray, struggling a bit but managed to get to the bed setting it down with a huff.
“You’re awake! Paimon went to Smiley Yanxiao to pick up the food he made you. Looks yummy” she exclaimed but immediately went quiet, apologizing for being so loud. He could tell she was nervous, checking over him and zeroing in on his eyes. Aether laughed and patted the space next to him and brought the tray to his lap so they could share, trying to distract her with food. She happily floated over and sat right next to him.
“Did you order all this food?” he said groggily, still waking up.
“Nope! Paimon doesn’t have this much mora. Yanxiao said it was a gift from the Yaksha that comes here often. He must mean Xiao right?” she spoke eagerly, placing a finger on her chin in thought. Aether felt his face flush but nodded and picked up the chopsticks.
“Let’s enjoy this gift then” he smiled and she nodded, quickly picking up a set as well and immediately dug in.
“Thank you, Xiao” Aether whispers behind his clasped hands before digging into the meal, not realizing how hungry he had been.
A breeze blew by, carrying leaves by the open window, some fell in and with it a whisper.
“You’re welcome, Aether.”
The wind subsided.
Along with the storm in Aether’s head.