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2023-09-17
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2023-10-09
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the mountains are calling (and i must go)

Chapter 9

Notes:

slight backdate to Barbie's first day alone for the first entry, but after that we're back on track.

Chapter Text

 

 

 

 

 

♡ Day Thirty-Two ♡ 

 

She’s used to doing things by herself. Enjoys it, actually. She’d even initially planned this hike alone. But for what might be the first time in her life, she feels distinctly lonely.

 

Barbie sits eating breakfast in the quiet of the early morning, map in hand. She’s now firmly into the Angeles National Forest, and the landscape around her shows it. Gone is the desert-like emptiness, bare hills, and parched valleys of the high desert. Now there are pine trees around and above her, the very occasional mountain stream, serious inclines. 

 

But it’s a bit hard to appreciate the beauty of nature when she wakes up to no good-morning kisses and the oatmeal she makes tastes like sadness and soggy cardboard. Barbie eats it anyway, knows better than to skip a meal even if it sucks, and quickly cleans up and breaks camp afterwards. 

 

She starts off on the trail and sighs despite what looks like another lovely day breaking. It’s her first full day without Gloria. One of many, many more to come. 

 

Looks like it’s just you and me now, girl, the voice says resignedly. 

 

“Great,” Barbie mutters with a roll of her eyes. 

 

The rest of the day… Barbie knows it’s not bad luck. She just doesn’t have her head in the game.

 

She actually trips on a root and scrapes her palm on a tree catching herself before she falls, which is more annoying than painful once she cleans it off. While walking and snacking, she spills her small bag of wasabi almonds which is, like, seventeen dollars’ worth of food. Barbie picks what she can find off the ground and dusts it all off, leaving the last few lost ones for whatever adventurous squirrels might come by. And to top it all off, Barbie can definitely feel she’s starting to get a blister on her heel that’s getting more and more painful with each mile. 

 

By the time she stops for lunch, desperately wishing Gloria were there to commiserate with, Barbie can feel that she’s on the verge of crying. 

 

She has gotten to the top of a peak when she stops. It’s a bit rocky and thin on trees but with a great view of the rest of the mountains, although there’s some weird metal antenna about ten feet tall here, too. Ignoring whatever that is and feeling hungry and quite defeated, Barbie takes off her pack and sinks down onto the ground, getting a protein bar out. 

 

The last straw is when she can’t seem to rip it right and it doesn’t open, and then the tears come hot and hard. 

 

Oh, jeez, the voice says awkwardly as she sobs alone in the woods, sounding for once at a loss as to what to say next. 

 

Barbie lets it all out, and she’s scrubbing at her face once the worst of the sobs have passed, trying to catch her breath and stop crying over something so inconsequential, when she hears, “Oh, my gosh! Are you okay?! Do you need help?”

 

Sniffling and wiping her nose on her sleeve like the hot mess she is, Barbie looks up, blinks away lingering tears and finds a small brunette in some sort of uniform staring at her, hands to her mouth in apparent shock. 

 

“No, no, I’m good,” Barbie says quickly with a wave. “Thank you.”

 

The woman is apparently unconvinced, and Barbie can understand why. Finding a woman crying alone in the woods probably isn’t an everyday occurrence.

 

“What are you doing out here?” the woman asks, approaching, and Barbie gets up, dusts her pants off as they come face to face. 

 

“Hiking the Pacific Crest Trail,” Barbie replies. On second glance, the other woman is not at all dressed to hike, in khakis and a short-sleeve button-up shirt with some sort of logo on the breast. With a glance over the woman’s shoulder, Barbie notices that not that far off there’s an official-looking Jeep now parked under some trees too that she’s somehow missed in all of her crying. “You’re not hiking, are you?” Barbie asks, though it hardly needs confirming. 

 

“Oh, wow,” the woman says, big brown eyes wide. “No, I’m a climatologist with the state. Most people don’t know it’s mostly physics, which is my passion, as nerdy as that sounds. Anyway, my stupid antenna stopped signaling,” the woman says, motioning back at the instrument. “So I needed to come check it out.”

 

“That’s really cool,” Barbie says sincerely, holding out her hand. “Barbie, by the way. Nice to meet you.”

 

“Barbara, right?” the other woman says with a laugh, shaking her hand. “Me, too. Never went by Barbie, though.” 

 

Barbie expects now introductions have been made that Barbara the physicist - as Barbie thinks of her instantly - will bid her good day and get back to the work she’s come up here to do. But the other woman doesn’t move, and looks at her kindly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Barbie shakes her head, wonders if she should pick her stuff back up and head out and eat her sad lunch somewhere else and let the woman work in peace and quiet. “I’m sure you have better things to do with your time.”

 

“Better than helping a fellow Barbie?” Barbara the physicist jokes. She sits down on the ground gracefully, patting the spot next to her in invitation. “Not a chance.” 

 

Barbara the physicist looks at her as if she actually wants to hear why she’s upset, and so Barbie accepts the offer, sitting back down opposite her.

 

“It’s just been a tough day,” Barbie explains after a moment, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. She skips over the little things that have brought her here, focusing on what’s the real issue. “My girlfriend and I were hiking, but she couldn't come the whole way with me. I knew it was temporary, but she went home yesterday and I guess it’s hitting me harder than I expected..”

 

Barbara the physicist gives her a comforting nod. “I feel you. It’s probably not quite the same, but my boyfriend and I were supposed to go to Burning Man for the week this year, but he couldn’t get off work. It wasn’t the same without him.” 

 

“Sorry to hear that.”

 

“Thanks, but it was mostly okay,” Barbara the physicist says. “He let me know he was happy that I was having fun, at least.”

 

It’s a good point. In any other situation, she’d be overjoyed to be on the PCT, and Barbie is sure the last thing Gloria wants is for her to be miserable. The loneliness weighs on her today, of course, the sting of parting still fresh. But maybe it’ll be a little less tomorrow, and even a little less the next day, until she’s able to carry it one day without feeling quite so weighed down. 

 

“Sometimes the distance makes coming back home even better,” Barbara the physicist adds gently, breaking the silence that’s fallen over them, and Barbie nods in agreement after a moment, thinking back to the plans she and Gloria have already made. 

 

“It will be great when I do see her in a month,” Barbie agrees. “We’re gonna do a stretch of the hike on Memorial Day weekend.” 

 

“I’m sure the time until then will fly by,” Barbara the physicist says. And it should, given that she has a lot of miles to do between here and the end of May. Barbie nods, trying to believe with her heart what she knows with her head. In the long run, it’s not so far away.

 

“You sure I can’t give you a lift anywhere?” Barbara the physicist asks, standing and then reaching a hand down to her. Grateful, Barbie takes it, letting the brunette help her up with a heave. 

 

“No, I’m good,” Barbie says, appreciating the gesture. She raises a hand over her heart, meaning it as she adds, “Thank you. This helped a lot.”

 

Barbara the physicist smiles kindly before waving and heading over the antenna that needs her attention. 

 

“Happy to have helped, Barbie.”

 

 

-

 

 

Making camp is thankfully a quiet affair. Despite the popularity of the park, there don’t seem to be many day hikers spending the night on the mountain.

 

Barbie pitches her tent and starts dinner, getting her phone out as the water boils for ramen. There is already a text from Gloria earlier, and Barbie taps a response



4:38PM

Miss you 

 

6:02 PM

I miss you too. Just made camp

Don’t wanna be negative but today sucked :(

 

Gloria replies quickly, and Barbie smiles a bit, knows at least that she’s not the only one suddenly paying a lot more attention to her phone.



6:02 PM

Yeah, tell me about it 

When I saw how many emails I had this morning, I considered walking right out and just never coming back 

 

6:02 PM

Lol my day doesn’t feel that bad after all

 

6:03 PM

I bet it was. Sorry, honey

Sasha says hi though

 

 

It’s followed by a selfie of the two of them, outside around sunset at the beach, the sky hazy behind them. Gloria is holding her phone, arm extended and smiling, and Sasha leans against her shoulder, making some sort of face at the camera. 

 

Barbie taps back a reply - cute! - and with a glance on her pot of water, fixes her ponytail and takes a quick selfie, managing a genuine smile for it. The light is starting to fade and she certainly looks like she’s just walked fourteen miles today. But it looks okay and Gloria’s seen her like this before, so Barbie sends it. 

 

Barbie rips open a packet of ramen and dumps it in the water, adding the spice and dehydrated veggies and stirring before looking at her phone again. 

 

Her selfie’s gotten a mix of emojis from Gloria, most involving hearts, and Barbie laughs at that. 

 

6:17PM

Really??

 

6:17PM

I have a hot girlfriend. What can I say



The words settle warm and comforting in her chest, and Barbie serves herself some ramen, eating and texting Gloria until it grows too dark to continue. She washes up by the light of her lantern, says goodnight, and plugs her phone into the solar-powered charger before slipping into her sleeping bag. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

♡ Day Thirty-Seven ♡ 

 

Two days ago, she’d gotten a text from Gloria asking her to call her ASAP. 

 

Barbie had quite innocently been hiking and then found a spot to camp for the evening, put down her pack and stopped to check her phone before doing anything else. Swiping it open, she had seen the message from Gloria that had not come with much more detail other than for Barbie to call her. 

 

Stomach dropping and fearing the worst, Barbie had dialed Gloria’s number quickly, mind racing with thoughts of Gloria saying this just isn’t working or I can’t do this anymore. She really had not been expecting for the first thing her girlfriend to do before even saying hello was shout excitedly–

 

“I’M COMING BACK!”

 

And every day since then has been torture. 

 

Not because of the heat or the up-and-down of the mountains or the healing blisters or the three meals a day she has to cook for herself. No. Just the waiting. But tomorrow is the big day, and Barbie walks confidently on the trail, outlook on life very different from just five days ago. 

 

“Closer I am to fiiiiine!” Barbie sings aloud, walking with her thumbs hooked under the straps of her pack and her heart light, a skip to her step. For some reason, the song’s stuck in her head, an upbeat and jangly tune that seems fitting for the beautiful and sunny day. 

 

Luckily there aren’t too many people on this particular trail to overhear her, and she sings as she walks, one song leading to another. Today is another resupply day, and after an hour of walking Barbie consults the trail map, and then heads off-trail, finding the main road and walking along the side of it, cars passing her by occasionally on their way to and from Big Bear. 

 

The city is a decent size, neither large nor small, and so is the supermarket. Barbie takes a cart as she enters and, humming along to the song playing tinny over the speakers, starts tossing rice packets, ramen, protein bars, granola, some new almonds, and more into her cart. She pays and takes her things, jamming them into her bag as usual, and decides on a lunch in town since she’s here anyway. 

 

Despite its mid size the town has kept a small-town charm. It doesn’t have too many fast food places and so as she walks down the street, Barbie sees and immediately decides on the first homey restaurant she sees. 

 

It’s pretty full with summer tourists but she’s quickly assigned a single table, and Barbie sits and orders a sandwich and fries after a cursory look at the menu.

 

Sitting now with nothing to do but wait, Barbie takes out her phone, hopping onto the unguarded wifi from the next-door motel. She checks her texts first, but other than the already seen ‘good morning’ text from Gloria there’s nothing more from the other woman yet. Gloria is no doubt finalizing everything that needs to be done before she leaves tomorrow. 

 

The thought sends a frisson of excitement through her. They’re actually doing it. Something that a few days ago had seemed like a silly, unattainable dream is coming true. 

 

Barbie taps on the Instagram app next. Not having been on in a while, she’s assaulted by a slew of notifications, of likes and comments from the photos she posted weeks ago of the beginning of their hike. The first selfie she had taken on the hike that first morning, the photo Gloria had taken of her at the top of their first mountain, a few pictures of plants and landscapes she had taken photos of. 

 

Barbie goes through the comments and answers her friends until she comes to the notification that someone new has followed her - she has a public account, which doesn’t make it surprising or unusual. But the user has a familiar tiny profile picture that is a familiar selfie of Gloria, and with a grin Babrie follows her back, checking out her profile. 

 

Gloria has posted more than she has since the other woman is home and in range of reliable wifi. Barbie sees landscape photos of their hike as well as some selfies of Gloria on the trail. There is also a selfie of the two of them, arms around each other and looking tired but proud at the top of Lion Peak, and a photo that Gloria has tagged her in, of her at the top of a boulder, waving. Babrie taps the heart on the picture of the two of them and scrolls to the next photo, and deeply involved in looking through the evidence of their past month, her meal has come before she knows it. 

 

“Thanks!” Barbie says as the waitress deposits a club sandwich in front of her, and she puts down her phone momentarily. 

 

The hot meal is gone in a flash, and when she’s done eating Barbie sits for a moment more, finishing her glass of deliciously icy water, one of the few things she misses out on the trail, checking her phone one last time. There’s something else she’s noticed…

 

Gloria has followed her, but she’s skimmed through some of the other recent followers and there’s another account following her she doesn’t recognize but that seems different from her usual followers. It’s a bland username and a blurry profile picture, all trying to be very anonymous, which is her first tip off. But from what Barbie can see of the tiny picture, it seems to be a youngish girl, dark-haired, and Barbie realizes with a short laugh that it’s Sasha, lurking. Barbie lets it slide, doesn’t request to follow back and lets Sasha follow her unimpeded. It’s cute. 

 

Refreshed and ready to go, Barbie finally puts her phone away for the day, pays her bill and tips, grabs her things, and heads back out. 

 

 

-

 

 

 

The afternoon passes quickly, and before she knows it the sun’s on its arch down towards the horizon. Picking a place to camp under a big conifer, Barbie sets up quickly to take advantage of the last of the evening light. Dinner is quickly eaten and she then gets her sketchbook out, jotting down the mountain town she’d seen today. 

 

When she gets into her tent and settles into her sleeping bag for her last night alone, Barbie gets comfortable and closes her eyes. Although she can’t wait for tomorrow, her thoughts are unlikely to let her sleep right away. She wonders what Gloria is doing right now. Her girlfriend had texted her goodnight much earlier than usual, opting to spend her last night at home uninterrupted with her daughter. 

 

Barbie’s stomach flutters in a mix of excitement and nerves at the thought of seeing Gloria tomorrow as well as meeting Sasha and Gloria’s sister. Her sister, Barbie is not quite so worried about. A bit, but it’s not a make or break meating. But what if Sasha doesn’t like her? She still can’t quite read the girl, though Sasha seems at least tolerant of her in their brief interactions so far. 

 

You’ll be fine, the voice says comfortingly and with confidence, helpful for once. What’s not to like? 

 

“I don’t know. She’s a teenager, so probably a lot,” Barbie says under her breath. But it goes both ways, Barbie reasons, and she’s certain that if Sasha didn’t like her she’d know by now. 

 

It takes a while to get to sleep, but it does happen slowly, and when Barbie finally closes her eyes it’s with nothing but excitement for tomorrow. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

♡ Day Thirty-Eight ♡ 

 

Today is The Day and she’s up as always before her alarm. Barbie doesn’t linger in her sleeping bag, gets up and dressed and combs her hair before putting it in two loose braids, trying to look somewhat nice for their reunion.

 

Barbie eats a quick breakfast of overnight oats and fruit as the sun rises, and packs up quickly after that, cowboy hat on and heading back out onto the trail. There are a few miles before she gets to their rendezvous spot and no time to waste.

 

 

-

 

 

With a mile left to go, Barbie gets a text notifying her that Gloria has gotten there first. Apparently she’s not the only one who was up and on the road early. Barbie grins to herself, slides her phone back into her pocket, and picks up the pace. 

 

When she reaches the campground they’d agreed upon, just slightly out of breath and muscles of her legs burning, Barbie sees Gloria standing near a car with two other people, the three of the casually waiting and talking. Barbie knows from what Gloria had told her that the other woman with her is her sister and the tween is obviously Sasha. With her stomach doing a flip, Barbie pushes on.

 

“Hello,” Barbie says loudly, waving as she approaches, and the look on Gloria’s face as she turns brings a rush of emotion. Barbie puts her pack down when she’s near enough and they meet with a tight hug, Gloria fitting herself perfectly under her chin. Barbie doesn’t hold on too long, highly aware of Gloria’s family around them waiting to be introduced. 

 

“This is my sister, Marta,” Gloria says in introduction as they pull away, and Barbie nods a hello to the other woman who bears a striking similarity to Gloria. 

 

“Nice to meet you.”

 

“Likewise.”

 

Gloria then puts a hand on her daughter’s shoulder, saying, “And this is Sasha.”

 

Barbie swallows nervously before waving again. This is it, likely a huge and fundamental moment in her life, and she’s waving like an idiot, Barbie realizes, putting her hand down abruptly. But what’s done is done, and she says brightly, “Hi, Sasha!”

 

“Barbara,” the girl says in greeting with a nod, arms crossed in her voluminous hoodie. But there’s a small smile to her lips that Barbie can perceive, and overall it seems to be a sign that all is going well if Gloria’s happy expression is anything to go by. It’s totally not like she expected a hug or anything from Sasha right away. Definitely not!

 

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Barbie says truthfully, and at that Sasha does finally crack a full smile.

 

“Same,” the girl admits. “I kinda didn’t believe you were real, not until my mom showed me a picture. I mean, ‘Barbie’?” 

 

“And which picture was that?” Barbie asks teasingly, looking at her girlfriend, but both women remain tightlipped in solidarity with just a look between them.

 

“I’m just glad my mom won’t be hiking by herself,” Sasha admits, changing the subject, and Marta nods in agreement.


"Take care of her, please," Marta says to her, the lightly condescending tone implying it’s said simply to tease her sister. Gloria whips around to look at her family, frowning and with arms crossed just like her daughter.

 

"Why are you all acting like I've never gone anywhere alone in my life before?” Gloria asks. “Why aren’t you asking me to watch out for Barbie ? We’ll be perfectly fine, thank you.”

 

"Alright, alright,” Marta says with a wave of her hand, calling off further argument. “Let's let your mom get on with her hike. The faster she starts, the faster she finishes and comes home," Marta says, stepping forward to hug Gloria warmly and nod goodbye at Barbie before heading around the car to the driver’s seat.  "See you, sis. Take your time, Sash. I’ll be waiting."

 

Barbie is left with just Gloria and Sasha, both of whom seem to have already said their goodbyes prior as Gloria grabs her daughter, squeezing her in a hug that has Sasha yelping before she lets her go, the both of them smiling but not saying much. 

 

It's a surprise when the tween looks at her and then launches herself at her, too, tiny body nearly toppling her over before Barbie finds her balance, supporting them both. The hug is fierce but quick, over almost before Barbie's aware it's happened.

 

“Oh, before I forget,” Sasha says, grinning and opening the trunk with a pointed look. At that Gloria seems to flush besides her. 

 

“You can put your tent in there. Marta’s gonna drop it off at my place for now,” Gloria tells her, and Sasha looks very close to laughing as Barbie unlatches her tent from her pack, putting it in the trunk of the car. 

 

"Have fun and be safe," Sasha says, with another quick hug from her mom and a wave to Barbie before heading for the passenger-side door. “Watch out for Bigfoot!”

 

They back away to give Marta room to back out and turn around, the other woman and Sasha waving through the open windows before heading towards the exit of the parking lot. 

 

It's a big moment, saying goodbye to someone knowing months lie between when you'll see them next. Barbie feels an odd sense of loss though it's not her family leaving, but also feels Gloria’s arm around her waist as the brunette settles against her side, head tilted on her shoulder. 

 

They wave as the car pulls out onto the highway, Sasha returning the gesture until the vehicle picks up speed and eventually grows small off in the distance. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

♡ Day Thirty-Nine ♡ 

 

They’re sitting down to breakfast, Gloria with their map in her hands and Barbie boiling the water for coffee. 

 

The change from their days together before is subtle but substantial. Gloria hums some tune as she traces the day’s trail, making notes with a pencil borrowed from her, and Barbie takes a spoonful of instant coffee, drops it in the water and stirs as she watches her surreptitiously. There’s a lack of tension to Gloria’s shoulders now, an ease and lightness to her movements. 

 

Peace looks beautiful on her, Barbie decides. 

 

“Two thousand two hundred nineteen miles left,” Gloria says, folding the map up and holding out her mug as Barbie takes the pot off the supports, coffee ready, and pours her a cup. “You ready?”

 

“Never readier,” Barbie replies.

 

She had tried this once three years ago and had thought back then that it would unfold relatively simply, aside from the unavoidable usual trail issues. She had taken the failure not too long into the first attempt in stride, had found something else to occupy her for the rest of that summer, and had vowed to try again. 

 

Maybe there had been a reason for it all. Maybe, too, for not deciding on that first day to go just a little bit further, a little bit faster, before setting up her tent for the evening.

 

They break camp after breakfast as usual, packs hiked onto their backs, sunscreen on their faces and hats on their heads. Barbie glances at Gloria, sporting the pink bandana she’d given her around her neck and looking eagerly towards the sunrise breaking over the dusty mountains. 

 

“Kismet,” Barbie says suddenly, heart wonderfully full.

 

“Pardon?” Gloria asks, turning to look at her. 

 

“Yiddish concept of fate.”

 

“And that is?”

 

“Your trail name, silly,” Barbie says with a smile, no longer able to hold it in. “Don’t you remember how we met?”

 

There’s a heartbeat before Gloria smiles back like she’s just reached up and hung the moon and all the stars for her. Gloria reaches out, hand held out to hers, and replies fondly, “How could I ever forget?”

 

Barbie takes it, lacing their fingers together with a smile, and with that, they head back out onto the trail together.