Chapter Text
Natsu didn’t care if any of the women saw him going into their dorms. He burst through the door, although he quickly made sure that he hadn't damaged it before he sniffed in deep, trying to find where his mate's scent was coming from. When he locked onto it, he took the stairs two at a time, rushing up to Juvia's flat.
"Don't you get it, Cana-chan? Natsu wasn't in his right mind when he chose me to be his mate!"
Natsu paused, feeling a little insulted that Juvia had practically called him crazy, but he knew that he was finally going to hear the truth.
"Now what makes you say that?"
"Because why would he choose me ?! Lucy is better suited for him! They're best friends, they're on the same team together! He goes into her house unannounced, whenever she calls him, he's there! You can't tell me that you don't think they would make a good couple."
Natsu's heart dropped when he heard Cana agree.
"I mean, you're right. They definitely do look like a couple sometimes, especially when you've got Lucy naked around him half the time. Still, that's like saying Gray and Erza belong together. You can't tell me you don't see the two of them together a lot."
Juvia hummed before sighing. "Okay, whatever."
"Good! Now, this...Succubus form of yours. How did you really get it?"
Natsu was up against the door listening. He had to thank Mavis for his heightened senses, otherwise he wouldn't have heard the conversation.
"I...Whenever I'm extremely exhausted, I run off of Succubus' energy. In turn, it means that I don't really have to sleep. When I said I've controlled it, it means I don't go berserk anymore. I can still retain my consciousness. Before, I would attack everything in the immediate area and then pass out due to exhaustion. With my magic reserves a lot bigger than before, it takes a few days before that happens."
Natsu paled. He always knew that Juvia didn't sleep well, he had experienced it first hand that she barely slept unless she was with him. He had wondered if that was still the case and it was clear that she wasn't sleeping anymore.
"So, how long has it been since you last slept?"
Juvia very clearly didn't want to answer that question, so Cana asked it again with a steel tone.
"Juvia. I asked you, when was the last time you slept?!"
Juvia sighed in aggravation as she threw her hands up into the air. "Last week Tuesday! I got a good 3 hours and I haven't slept since! Are you happy?"
Cana practically screeched. “Juvia, it’s THURSDAY !”
Natsu couldn't take it anymore as he burst in, making Cana scream in shock and Juvia just stood there with wide eyes. Natsu didn’t take his eyes off of her as they blazed with fire and Juvia felt weak. She wanted to look away from him, she really did, but she couldn't. She was like a deer in the headlights and Natsu didn’t look pleased with her at all.
"Natsu, you scared the shit out of me! You can't just barge in here like that!"
Natsu didn’t look at Cana as he addressed her. "Sorry. Do you think I can talk to Juvia alone? Please?"
The card mage nodded as she started to leave. "Knock some sense into her, please."
With that, she was gone. Juvia was jittery, not quite knowing how Natsu was going to react. He didn’t waste a moment of their time as he started talking.
"You haven't slept since last Tuesday, huh? You think you don't deserve me, huh? That's some bullshit right there, Juvia."
He took slow and deliberate steps towards her as if he were about to pounce after watching to see if she would run away or not. Juvia stood very still, staring at him but not moving. She was trying her best to stand her ground and not make it seem like she was nervous.
"Tell me how that's bullshit."
He sniffed the air again, her feelings were like the scent of flowers in the wind. He picked up regret, sadness, anger and frustration. He was standing in front of her in no time, all within touching distance, but he kept his hands to himself. This was a serious conversation that needed touching after.
"Do you really think all things about yourself? Do you really not see yourself in a good way?"
Juvia stepped back as she looked down, quivering. Natsu released some of the anger he felt within himself when he saw that it wasn't necessary. All he wanted was to let Juvia know that she’s all he can think about and that he thinks she deserves the world.
"It's not what I think, it's what I know . This is my karma for thinking I can do what I did in Phantom and then try and get a fresh start. I deluded myself into thinking that I deserve love the first time around, I'm not doing that to myself ever again."
"No, you don't need to prove to us or to anyone that you're not that same girl from before. You're so much more than that and you always have been. Juvia, talk to me. What's going on?"
She looked at him as if she really wanted to tell him, but didn't even know where to start. She was so conflicted, but all she could see was an easy and caring expression on his face, added with his familiar heat. She cracked instantly.
"I...I hear these voices in my head that tell me I'm not good enough for anyone. It first started around when Gray rejected me. I started spiralling into depression about how no one will ever love me and how I'm unlovable. I believed the words in my head, I mean it made sense as to why no one would want me. At first I used to argue against the voices, but I just felt... so alone and I finally gave in."
She looked helpless as she told Natsu her darkest fears. She hated even thinking about how weak she was and here she is, admitting it to Natsu. She felt him move closer to her, but she didn’t move or look at him, opting to act like she couldn't see or feel him.
"Everyone was moving on from the war. Lucy was doing well with her book, you're the leader of the strongest team to ever do a 100 year quest, Erza and Jellal are together, Gajeel-kun and Levy-chan have a whole baby together and everyone was just getting on with their lives. I felt like I was just living in the past and nothing was going right. I had to start taking solo jobs to pass the time, to make me feel alive. I did whatever I could get my hands on, did anything that was deemed as dangerous. At first, I was terrified. Then I got over myself. I felt like it was finally my time to shine by being the best water mage that I could be and putting dark mages in prison."
She laughed at herself as the tears started to prick at the corner of her eyes. Then brought her hand up to her mouth and nibbled on the skin around her thumb.
"I thought I was getting stronger, but it turns out I kept pushing myself to work hard by drowning out the voices in my head. I wasn’t silencing them, just making more noise over them. When things were quiet, they would start again. They were at their loudest when I slept. I had nightmares of past failures, of times where I wasn't a very good guildmate, of times I was so close to death. Did you know Jose used to punish us if we failed a job?"
She laughed again as she said it, her tears now glittering in her eyes when she turned to look at Natsu. She saw an expression on his face that she had never seen before and it felt like a punch to her stomach. She made him pity her.
"He would want us to report every little detail of what we did in the job and any failures would resort to us being in antimagic chains and subjected to a beating. I sometimes wake up at night as if I've been hit. So I just don't sleep as a way to not have nightmares. It saves me a lot of hassle. But that day that you saved me...you saw her, didn't you? You saw Succubus me."
"I did," came Natsu's gruff unused voice. He was trying his best not to cry along with her, so he cleared his throat. "I'd never seen you look that way before. You had this look in your eyes like you were someone who couldn't be tamed, you were so wild. It was so-"
"Ugly."
"-Beautiful. You're so beautiful."
Juvia's breath hitched in her throat as she took her thumb away from her mouth. "What do you mean? What are you even saying right now?"
Natsu smiled and shook his head. "Oi, you're telling me about your thoughts and what goes on in your head. I know you ain't finished, so keep going."
She rolled her eyes at how pushy he was being, but otherwise did as he asked. “I would turn into Succubus when I hadn’t slept in a long time. Four jobs in a row was a sweet spot, five was pushing it and 6 was a no go zone. That was when I turned into Succubus. After the whole thing with you, I was able to control my Succubus form and when I would hit my 6th job, I would turn into Succubus and then control it. It was almost like another power source and then when I ran out of juice, I would crash. It was the only way to have a dreamless and long enough sleep. But you didn’t have to come here and worry about me, I’ll be fine. This is something I need to do by myself.”
Natsu frowned and shook his head. “You’re not fine and you won’t be fine if you don't let me help you! You’ve been doing this shit by yourself for too long, now that it’s not working, let someone help you out!”
“But I have to, I did this to myself,” she stated weakly.
“Then this is just one of those things you’re gonna need to get through with someone by your side. Just because you did it to yourself doesn’t mean there aren’t people willing to still help you. I hate when you look so sad, so upset. I want you happy and smiling and thinking up crazy plans again. I want you laughing in the guild and flooding the guild with your tears because you made the wrong stitching in whatever you’re sewing.”
Juvia blushed at that last part. She’s so over dramatic sometimes, even she had to admit that. Natsu reached out for her hand and she didn’t bother snatching it back, she just accepted it. She stood there silently watching Natsu as he interlocked their fingers, making sure she couldn’t jerk out of his grasp at any point. He shot his warmth through her, the same way she had shot her water through him.
“Everyone’s worried about you. I'm worried about you.”
“They shouldn’t be. Like I said, I’ll be fine. I’m a mess, Natsu. It’s easier to let myself down constantly than let everyone else down. They’ll all get tired of me and leave me anyway.”
Natsu inhaled while counting to ten in his head. Just why the hell wasn’t Juvia understanding his words? She used to have such an overactive imagination at the simplest of double entendres and now she wasn’t even understanding a single word of sentiment he had to offer her. He was going to have to make it obvious.
“I will never leave you. I will be right by your side every step of the way. I will cherish you, care for you, protect you. Fuck it, I’ll love you! You just gotta let me in and do it. Do you know why I stayed in my own head for so long? Why I let Ignia’s personality stay out?”
Juvia shook her head. Both her and Ignia couldn’t come up with an explanation, and it looked like Natsu was finally ready to tell her why.
“Because this was the only way to get closer to you. I knew that once I returned back to normal, there would be no reason to keep you around and I liked having you around. This was the only way to get you to stay and be my mate.”
Juvia wanted to argue with him, she really did, but then he bent down and put his face into the crook of her neck just like he had done while he was in a different state of mind. Juvia gasped at the feeling as one hand circled her waist and pulled her against him and the other hand came up from behind to move her hair to the side. Juvia put her hands on his chest as if to push him away, but she sagged against him. She was tired of fighting alone, tired of the voices in her head. She was so damn tired and if Natsu was willing to help, then that was on him when everything failed.
“Why do you want me to let you in so badly?”
Natsu chuckled lightly in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine as she gripped his jacket even tighter.
“Because you’re my mate ,” he growled softly into her ear. He nipped at her earlobe and she closed her eyes at the sensation. She couldn’t deny it anymore, how she had fallen for this man. She had been so scared that he would reject her that she didn’t notice that he was waiting for her. The voice change at the end of his sentence reminded her of the door that she had seen in his mindscape that was all dedicated to her. She had been in disbelief at the time, but now she understood that he really does have feelings for her.
“Natsu, I’m so sorry,” she cried and Natsu stroked her hair as he bumped his nose against her neck.
“Don’t be sorry. We can work through this together, okay?”
“Promise me you won’t leave me.”
“Us dragons mate for life. I promise I won't leave you.”
Juvia seemed content with that reply as she sighed, suddenly feeling the fatigue wash over her. Natsu could feel it too as he moved them over to her sofa. He sat down first and pulled Juvia down with him so that she was seated in his lap as he cradled her. She placed her head on his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat and she smiled lucidly.
“Let me take care of you like you did for me. Let me love you,” he whispered quietly and Juvia could only nod as she softly nuzzled her nose into the side of his neck. He growled in pleasure and Juvia laughed gently before resting again.
“If you break your promise, I’ll give you hell.” Her voice was fading as she was finally falling asleep. “I always fall asleep best when I’m with you. You’re so nice and warm, so protective. I feel so safe around you. You’re too good to me, Natsu.”
With that, she was fast asleep and Natsu kissed the top of his head while feeling giddy inside. Running his hands through her hair, he listened out for her soft breaths to signal that she had been pulled into the unconscious void and he was there every step of the way to make sure that he burned away the nightmares himself.