Chapter Text
Something odd is happening with the team that Steve can’t explain. He’s been watching a slow transformation of the team ever since they’ve been back, and he has no idea what’s causing it. It’s not a bad change, just… surprising. Somehow, for some reason, despite that Tony doesn’t want to spend time with any of them, and despite that he’s rarely around and can’t be bothered to train with them or stick around for a full team meeting, the rest of the team has grown comfortable with him. Steve has been scratching his head over the changes for weeks… months.
He thinks the first time he noticed it was because of something Sam had said, but he’s not sure. Somewhere along the way Sam had stopped complaining about Tony, and had started making excuses for him. Once he’d told Steve straight up to, “Lay off him for a little while.” It had taken him by surprise, and he’d assumed that Sam was just under a lot of stress because out of everyone there, he wanted to be stuck at the compound for six months least of all.
At some point, Steve became aware that Clint was spending time with Tony. He’d heard Clint telling Nat that Tony was improving some of his gear, and thought that was the only reason why, but it wasn’t long after that that he’d gone looking for Clint and Nat had informed him that he was down in Tony’s lab hanging out. Clint had never been friends with Tony before, so Steve still isn’t sure why he’s spending time with him now outside of missions or the context of getting help repairing his gear. It’s well known now that if Clint isn’t at home with his family, or isn’t with Nat, that he can usually be found down in Tony’s lab. Steve thinks he heard Clint mention that he’d watched a movie up in Tony and Pepper’s private suite the week before. Tony is so private and closed off that it’s shocking to hear things like this. No one aside from Rhodey and perhaps Peter has been up to Tony’s and Pepper’s private suite since the compound was built. He’s a private person and that’s just the way things are and always have been.
Then there’s Natasha. Somehow she’s managed to get Tony to come up to the common area for several meals, and he’s pretty sure that she’s been taking food down to him in his lab on a regular basis. Clint is convinced it’s magic, and Sam seems happy that she’s been able to drag Tony up to meals where he barely interacts with them. Nat certainly seems pleased with herself. While he’s confused about what’s going on with his team, Steve can’t say he’s displeased that Nat has managed to bring Tony to team meals on occasion. It’s Steve’s job to make sure the team is one cohesive unit, and it’s been hard to be cohesive with Tony refusing to take part in group activities. He just doesn’t know why she’s doing it. He doesn’t know why any of them are doing what they do, and it leaves Steve feeling adrift, like he’s been disconnected from the wire that ties him into the team and allows him to stay plugged in to what’s going on.
There’s nothing for it. Observation has gotten him nowhere. He’s going to have to ask. It’s like they all know something he doesn’t, and he needs to figure it out so he can continue planning future missions, meetings and team activities like training. Maybe he can figure out how to get Tony to stick around at team meetings instead of flaking out, and finally get him to agree to train with them like he used to. He hopes so.
* * *
“Hey, you got a minute?”
Clint looks up from the bow he’s re-stringing out on the compound grounds behind the gymnasium. There’s a few archery targets set up against a bank of dirt, and Clint comes out here to train when he wants some time to himself. Steve hates to intrude, but it’s best to ask Clint out here away from FRIDAY, who hears and records everything for later recall.
“Sure, what’s up?” Clint asks. He pulls the string tight, all of his arm muscles tensing, and slips it in place at the end of the bow.
Steve shifts uncomfortably and clears his throat. He’s not really sure how to ask. In the end he comes off sounding a little blunt, but doesn’t think it can be helped. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Tony.”
“Yeah.”
“Why?” When Clint gives him a calculating look, Steve says, “He’s just… not interested in spending time with anybody.”
“So why do I want to spend time with him,” Clint says.
“Yeah.”
Clint messes with the bow string for a minute, trying to adjust it and make sure it’s tight. “I like him,” he says, not looking up. “He’s a good guy.”
Steve knows Tony is good at heart, but generally thinks of Tony as full of himself and uninterested in anyone else's issues. He’s only helpful when it benefits him in some way, which just isn’t how Steve was raised. He doesn’t want to use the word jerk, but that’s how he feels. Steve has always thought Tony is a jerk, plain and simple. He doesn’t say it out loud, but Clint must see on his face that he disagrees.
“Ok, let me put it this way,” Clint says, still messing with the bow string, though he’s making eye contact with Steve now. “He does a lot of little things for people he cares about. I like that.”
That’s not Steve’s experience, but he keeps listening, because being a good team leader means being a good listener. He’s not always the best at that, but he tries. “Like what?”
“You know how there’s always a spread of food during team meetings before we get into the room? Like last week there was a stack of pizzas in there? And last month when we were de-briefing after Brazil, there was Chinese takeout?”
“Yeah.”
“He does that since he knows team meetings can go long.”
“He told you that?”
“No, he didn’t have to. Who else would bring food in like that for us though?”
“I thought it was one of you.”
“I’ve got a family to feed, I don’t have money to spend on a stack of pizzas to feed a supersoldier and a team of Avengers. Don’t think any of us really do.”
Steve thinks about it. Tony built the compound for the team, and he has an account full of money set up for them to buy groceries. Steve has always assumed that was just as much about having food to eat and a place to live himself. He doesn’t come to team meetings or stay long enough to eat though. If Tony is the one that’s been bringing food in for meetings, he supposes Clint is right. That is just for them.
“He takes care of our team gear and the gym equipment, despite that it’s not stuff he’s using.” Clint holds out his bow to show Steve. “He gave me a major upgrade when I asked him to redesign several pieces. Didn’t say anything about it either, he just did it. And he bought Happy a brand new company car despite that his old one was just fine.” Clint shrugs. “He does a lot of stuff like that.”
“He throws his money around,” Steve says. Tony’s a multi billionaire, something he hasn’t been afraid to remind Steve of in the past.
“It’s not just that,” Clint says, pulling an arrow out of the quiver on his back and nocking it. He doesn’t even look at the target as he pulls back on the string and lets the arrow fly. It hits the center of the target anyway. “He’s really good with Peter.”
“His intern? He barely tolerates him.”
Clint huffs out a little laugh. “Tolerates him? That’s not true. A couple nights ago while you and Sam were out for the evening, Tony was in the common area living room with Peter watching a movie. I went down to grab some ice cream and found the two sitting on the couch together, Peter rambling through the movie. Gotta tell you, that kind of thing bugs the crap out of me when my kids do it, because I’d rather hear the movie than hear people talking over it. Tony though? He just let him ramble. Didn’t tell him to knock it off or anything.” He pulls another arrow out of his quiver and sends it flying. It hits the target right next to the first one, dead center. “Besides, if he was just tolerating Peter, he wouldn’t have him over four days a week or let him stay the night on Friday sometimes. Us he tolerates, but not Peter.”
Steve isn’t sure if he believes what Clint is saying, but knows Clint has been spending a lot more time with Tony than any of the rest of them. He watches as Clint sends the rest of his arrows down to the targets, helps him collect them, and then the two walk back up to the main building. It’s late enough that he thinks they’ve missed dinner and will have to eat leftovers or make something else.
As if the universe is conspiring with Clint to prove his point, a few minutes later Peter comes into the common area and says, “Oh, hi Mr. Captain America sir! Hi Clint!” He smiles and gives a little wave to each, cheeks heating up, and then goes to the cupboard full of his snacks and pulls down a granola bar, two packages of Pop Tarts and a little bag of chips. He also pours a cup of coffee, but they note that it’s in the mug Tony usually prefers to use. Then he leaves with his bounty of snacks and coffee. This is all normal.
What’s unusual is the fact that Peter is wearing Tony’s MIT hoodie. Given how closed off Tony is with the rest of the team, and how he doesn’t like people coming into his lab, touching his things or handing him things, it’s odd that he would let Peter wear his hoodie.
“That was… interesting,” Steve says.
Clint slaps him lightly on the shoulder and says, “See? He’s basically the kid’s dad.”
“What?” Steve isn’t sure he heard him right.
“Just calling it like I see it,” Clint says, and grows quiet so Steve can ponder on what he’s just seen and heard. He’s not sure what he was expecting when he’d asked Clint why he was spending so much time with Tony, but, ‘I like him, and he’s good to his intern and is basically the kid’s dad,’ isn’t it.
He can’t deny that Peter always looks happy to come to the compound to spend time with Tony however, or that any of the other things Clint said are true. Tony pays the bills and provides money for groceries. He takes care of the gym equipment and team gear.
After they make some spaghetti for the two of them to eat and Clint starts talking about his most recent trip home, Steve’s a little surprised to learn that Tony petitioned for Clint to be able to go home to his family for part of the month. That’s information he hadn’t known.
His mind flits to the denials he keeps getting from the Accords committee for Bucky’s pardon. As much as he hates to admit it, he knows Tony has pull with the committee and probably has connections with various people in the government. He certainly has connections in the military due to the tech he’d provided them for years. After what was revealed about Bucky’s involvement in the deaths of Tony’s parents, and the bad fight Tony had had with Steve and Bucky in the cave in Siberia… well, Steve doesn’t think Tony will be willing to help him pull strings to bring Bucky back to the states. He’d probably rather see Bucky rot than let him leave the safety of Wakanda. Steve rubs his forehead hard, chest feeling uncomfortably tight.
He’d left Tony in that cave… injured and barely conscious. He’d left him there and taken Bucky and escaped. He knows that’s why Tony barely spends any time around the team now that they’re all being forced to live at the compound, and he knows that’s his fault. He’s done his best to leave Tony to his own devices and not to press too much for Tony to join them for training or team meals.
* * *
Clint has given Steve a lot to think about. When Clint had told him that Tony does things for people he cares about, Steve’s first thought was that that hasn’t been his experience. But he has been experiencing it. He’s living in a compound built specifically to be his home and the home of his team. He’s eating food and using equipment that’s all provided by Tony.
He’s almost afraid to ask Natasha what’s been up with her and Tony lately. They had been friends before Germany. Steve was surprised then that she’d switched sides in the middle of the fight, and is still surprised when he thinks about it now. She had been Steve’s friend too, but as a result of taking Steve’s side, she’d lost her friendship with Tony. Steve doesn’t know how to feel about that, because he’d lost the tentative friendship he’d had with Tony too, not because they’d fought in Germany, but because Tony found out that Steve had know about Bucky’s involvement in his parent’s death and hadn’t told him… had chosen Bucky over him.
Steve rubs the back of his neck, chest feeling tight again as he waits for Nat to come out of the coffee shop they’ve stopped at in the little town a few miles from the compound. She’d opted to go out and get groceries with him today since Sam had gotten special permission from the committee to go back to DC for a few days to take care of some things and get some of his belongings from storage. Clint is out of town visiting his family too, so Steve thinks Nat is happy to spend some time with him and get out of the compound for a few hours.
She comes out of the coffee shop with a tall travel cup, but doesn’t drink it. Instead she climbs into the driver’s seat of the car and puts it in the cupholder.
“What’d you get?” he asks.
“Something for Tony.”
“For Tony?”
She buckles up and turns the key in the ignition, the engine coming to life. “Yeah, it’s Thursday.”
“What does that mean?”
“I always bring him something on Thursday.”
“Is he- paying you to do that?”
She gives a little laugh. “Him? Are you kidding me? He wouldn’t eat if I didn’t bring him something.”
Irritation flares up and moves through Steve like a wave and he tries to push it back down. He wasn’t going to ask her, but changes his mind. “Why do you have to do that? He’s an adult Nat. He doesn’t need to be babied. If he’s hungry he’ll eat, if he’s tired he’ll sleep.”
“That’s the problem though. He won’t eat or sleep, he’ll just run himself into the ground working.”
“That’s not true. He’s not going to let himself just die.”
“Die, no, work until he passes out, yes, and don’t say he won’t because I’ve seen it happen.”
“When?” He asks, alarmed.
“When I was his personal assistant, back when SHIELD had placed me at SI undercover a few months after he’d become Iron Man. Rhodes came to visit and check on him and found him passed out in his lab. Tony denied anything was wrong but JARVIS told Rhodes that he hadn’t slept in two days and had been living on nothing but coffee.” She turns off of Main Street and towards the highway so they can get back to the compound. “I’d actually forgotten about it until you and I saw Pepper dragging Tony to the kitchen to eat. And a few days later I heard Happy telling Tony he should get some sleep.”
“Doesn’t make any sense to work yourself into the ground like that,” Steve says. “It’s irresponsible.”
“Maybe,” she says, and he’s surprised she doesn’t agree. He doesn’t know any other adults that are so bad at self care that their friends or co-workers have to remind them to eat and sleep.
“I think I’ve always kind of had it at the back of my mind that he doesn’t think about himself when he’s working or taking care of others,” Nat says. “Ever since I was undercover at SI.”
“You make it sound like he’s so focused on everyone else that he forgets about himself.”
She shrugs as she pulls onto the highway. “Remember when we were in Slovakia?”
“A couple months back?”
She nods. “He packed gear he needed to complete the mission into his gear bag. Didn’t grab food or a blanket. I didn’t notice that he didn’t, I just threw an extra blanket into my pack before we left the jet, like it wasn’t even a second thought.”
“That’s what a team should do,” Steve says. He’d also noticed in the cave that Tony hadn’t brought food or a blanket, and had watched as Clint and Nat had just handed over what they’d brought. He approves of teamwork like that. It’s why being one cohesive unit is so important to mission success. They need to take care of each other.
When he glances over at Nat a moment later, she gives him a pointed look, and he frowns and turns to look out the passenger window. It’s what a team should do, and his team has been doing it all on their own, not only on missions, but at home as well. Clint has been spending time with Tony, and Nat has been ensuring he eats and dragging him away from his lab to spend time sharing a meal with the team.
“Why Thursdays?” Steve asks.
“It’s the only day of the week he doesn’t see Pepper all day, or Happy or Peter. And Rhodey usually only comes on weekends.”
“So you take him food or drag him up to the common area.” Suddenly he finds he doesn’t mind the thought of her making sure Tony eats as much as he did a few minutes before. “I’m pretty sure I owe you an apology.”
“What for?”
“For being an ass. You’re just doing what you’re supposed to do as a good team member.”
“Hmm, not sure it’s me you were an ass to.”
“If you’re referring to Tony, I’ve barely spoken to him. It’s clear he wants nothing to do with me, so I’ve been giving him his space.”
“I wasn’t referring to anything at the compound.”
He doesn’t ask what she is referring to. Bucky had told her the day after they’d fought Tony in the cave in Siberia about what had happened and she hadn’t been happy with Steve for a while after that.
When they get back to the compound, she helps him carry groceries in and then takes the coffee and a pre-made salad from the store down to Tony’s lab. She doesn’t come back up for a little while. She’s gone just long enough for Steve to put away all the groceries and start making himself a sandwich for lunch. When she comes back upstairs she has a small smile on her face.
“He’ll be up for lunch in a minute.”
“He will?”
“I took him a salad, which I know he hates. His only other option is to come up for something different.”
“He said he was coming?”
“No.”
A minute later Tony comes up with the pre-packaged salad in hand, still unopened. He moves past Steve and puts it in the fridge and then pulls out everything he needs to make a lunchmeat sandwich. He doesn’t make just one, he makes two, and slides the second one across the kitchen island to Natasha.
“Thank you,” she says.
Tony gives her a nod, and then his eyes find Steve. He gives him a nod too and then leaves with his sandwich to go back to his lab and his coffee.
Steve wonders if it’s not the rest of the team, but him that’s the reason Tony doesn’t hang around in the common area… the reason he doesn’t join them for meals, or training, or meetings.
* * *
“Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?” Steve asked, voice challenging Tony to come up with just one thing special or heroic about himself.
“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”
“I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I’ve seen the footage, the only thing you really fight for is yourself. You’re not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on the wire and let the other guy crawl over you.”
“I think I would just cut the wire,” Tony said, before stepping back and blinking rapidly, rubbing his forehead like was dizzy, disoriented.
Steve didn’t stop. In that moment, driven by their proximity to Loki's scepter, he hated the man in front of him… the son of Howard Stark, that was and wasn’t anything like his father. “You’d better stop pretending to be a hero.”
“A hero? Like you?”
Steve wakes up and stares at the dark ceiling of his room in the compound. “You’d better stop pretending to be a hero.” “A hero? Like you?” On the helicarrier just before the Chitauri attack on New York, Loki had gotten under all of their skin… influenced all of them and dialed their emotional responses up high. Steve had said everything he’d thought about Tony privately, out loud for all to hear. He’d said things he never would have said out loud otherwise. And Tony had stood there and taken it. “I know guys with none of that worth ten of you.” He’d said a lot of awful things to Tony, but Tony hadn’t said much back to him. “A hero? Like you?” His disbelief was enough to let Steve know that Tony didn’t think much of him. A big blow with few words, but still, he hadn’t called Steve names… had refused to don his suit to fight him despite Steve’s repeated goading to put on the suit.
Steve still thinks about those moments on the helicarrier, even though it’s been years. It’s not fair that his private thoughts were ripped out of his mouth like that by the scepter's influence, and he hates that he said them. He especially hates that he said them because most of the things he’d said had been proved wrong during the battle with the Chitauri. “You’re not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on the wire and let the other guy crawl over you.” Except Tony had been. He’d almost died taking that nuke into the wormhole to save the city. “You’d better stop pretending to be a hero.”
“You’d better stop pretending to be a hero.”
* * *
Steve is the most surprised about Sam’s change of heart in regards to Tony. Steve knows he has probably had an impact on the way Sam feels about him because Sam met Tony for the first time during their ‘civil war’ when he was on Steve’s side and hearing only Steve’s side of things in regards to their issues. Then Sam had spent a year and a half on the run with him, Nat and Clint. He’d spent that time listening to Steve complain about Tony’s laundry list of faults and how they contributed to their fight at the airport and then in Siberia.
Sometimes Steve feels bad about that influence over how Sam sees Tony. It only adds to his surprise that Sam has somehow changed his mind about him. He isn’t sure why because aside from during missions, Sam doesn’t spend any time with Tony, unlike Clint and sometimes Nat. Steve has heard them exchange a handful of sentences, and that’s all. Yet he knows that Sam doesn’t mind Tony now… maybe even likes him.
He also knows by now, after getting an unexpected lesson in clarity from Nat and Clint that he’s about to be schooled again when he approaches Sam.
“Sup?” Sam asks when Steve settles down in the wooden chair next to Sam in the little concrete courtyard beside the main building of the compound. Sam has a cooler next to him and digs around in it before coming out with a can of soda and handing it to Steve.
“You keep telling me to lay off of Tony.”
“I do.”
“Not sure I’m ready to hear why, but I think I need to.”
Sam takes in the sincerity in his voice, and then looks away, thoughtful for a moment. “You’re right, I’m not sure you’re ready to hear it.” Sam’s honesty is one of the reasons Steve is grateful they’re friends. Nat is blunt. Clint is good natured. Sam is unafraid to tell him the truth, even if it’s something Steve isn’t going to want to hear.
Sam lifts his own soda to his lips and takes a sip. “You know how I worked with veterans with PTSD before I met you.” Steve doesn’t answer, though when Sam glances over and sees that he’s listening, he says, “Didn’t take me long to figure out that a lot of his behaviors are consistent with a veteran experiencing PTSD and anxiety.”
Steve’s gut clenches. Bucky has severe PTSD. It makes it hard for him to function. He’s been deprogrammed, but he has difficulty functioning from day to day… has difficulty interacting with others and accepting things that he’s been through. For the past five months Bucky has been living in a little hut in Wakanda, just trying to get his bearings. Steve hasn’t been able to be there with him through any of it, and Bucky doesn’t want him to be.
“Tony has PTSD?”
“Pretty sure. Pretty sure he’d be pissed to find out we’ve been talking about it too,” Sam says.
“From- from what?”
“How should I know? I don’t think asking will do anything but piss him off. All I know is what I’ve seen.”
Steve lets out a slow breath and they sit there quietly for long moments.
“He’s not a flake.”
Steve looks over at Sam’s proclamation. He’s watching a bird in one of the branches overhanging the courtyard.
“Just saying, he’s not being irresponsible when he leaves meetings or doesn’t show up to things. I think he’s just doing the best he can, and that’s all any of us can do in our line of work.”
Steve nods. He gets it, probably for the first time. He knows Nat has demons she deals with from her past. The same goes for Bruce, which is probably the sole reason he took off in a quinjet after Sokovia and didn’t come back. Steve doesn’t think any of the other members of the team have actual PTSD, but he doesn’t know for sure. They’ve all got their own things they deal with, including him. They’ve all seen things and been through things that have changed them. He just never realized that the things Tony is dealing with are perhaps weighing on him a little heavier… hitting a little harder.
“I know guys with none of that worth ten of you,” and “You’d better stop pretending to be a hero.”
Steve rubs his forehead hard and closes his eyes. Damn it, he really hates Loki and that scepter. Sometimes he’s not so sure that he doesn’t hate himself for thinking those things in the first place.
“You wanna talk about it?” Sam asks.
“No.”
“You weren’t ready to hear what I had to say.”
“No… but I needed to.”
Steve stands up and leaves Sam there in the courtyard. His team has told him some important things, and now he has a team member he needs to say some important things to.
* * *
Steve is surprised when Tony unlocks the lab door for him without much prompting. On his way down to the lab level he’d expected to have this conversation through the glass door, or to be denied the chance to have it at all. He doesn’t know why Tony lets him into the lab, but he does, so Steve enters and steels himself for what he has to say. Tony looks like he’s steeling himself for some sort of confrontation, and Steve is reminded again of the incident on the helicarrier before the battle of New York… of Tony just standing there and letting Steve throw insults at him without throwing any back. Steve feels like he’s been slapped and they haven’t even exchanged words yet.
“I know you’re probably busy,” Steve says. “I wondered if you had a couple minutes.”
“Need some gear fixed?” Tony asks, using a greasy rag to wipe grease out of a conical piece of metal.
“No, it’s not mission related. It’s-” personal. There’s a lump in his throat that’s making it hard to talk. He doesn’t want to just rip the bandaid off with this one and sound blunt. He knows he’s got to tread carefully or he’ll be thrown out of Tony’s lab, and Tony will have every right to do it. Then again, Steve has never really been the best about treading carefully when it comes to things like this. “I have to say something to you, but I don’t know how this is going to come out sounding.”
Tony seems to tense up at that ominous declaration and stops wiping the grease away from the metal piece. “Spit it out,” he says, voice tight.
Steve nods. Right. Maybe he should just rip the bandaid off. “I’m sorry.”
Tony frowns. It’s clearly not what he’d been expecting to hear. “What’d you do, ding my car or something?”
Steve lets a nervous laugh slip out despite himself. He reaches up to his nose and then shakes his head. “No. I uh-” he reaches up to the back of his neck and rubs it.
“Did you break a window upstairs with your shield again? I told you, that thing is not a frisbee.”
“You’re making this harder. The windows are fine, and that was Clint.” It had happened a couple weeks before the whole Accords debacle.
Tony starts to look wary again, and continues wiping the grease out of the metal component with the rag. When Steve really stops and looks at Tony… really looks, he can see everything his team does. That’s not something Steve has ever really done where it concerns Tony. He’s never stopped to look at the guy beyond what he already thought he knew about him. Before their first mission as Avengers fighting Chitauri, Steve had heard some things about Tony and he’d allowed those first notions about him to form all of his opinions about the man since. They were opinions not based on facts and not based on the person he was actually seeing in front of him each day. Not only that, but ever since he’d met Tony he’d been comparing him to Howard… comparing him to the Stark he’d known. Howard Stark had been daring and flashy and full of himself. Tony is a little full of himself and does some outrageous things while out doing hero work, but he’s far more cautious. And despite his public persona, which is flashy, he’s reserved and quiet behind closed doors.
Tony has always bothered him and he finally realizes that this is why. All of this time Steve has been trying to form the image of Tony to the image he has of Howard and they just don’t match up.
“When we first met, I had some preformed opinions of you, and I let those opinions form everything else I’ve thought about you since then. I said some really awful things to you then, things that weren’t true. I know we were all riled up because of Loki’s scepter, but I was still thinking all of those things, and they were all wrong.”
Tony stares at him, no longer working at the metal part. He has a slight frown like he’s not sure what Steve is talking about. Steve plows on anyway. “The thing is, I knew your dad, and he was flashy and full of himself… he acted like he was God’s gift to the world, and with the things I’d heard about you before you and I met, I thought you were just like him. I never stopped to look past that, and that was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
Tony still doesn’t respond for long moments. He’s standing stock still, a look of disbelief on his face. Steve swallows, feeling uncomfortable. He wants to leave… wishes Tony would just shout at him and tell him to get out of his lab, but he doesn’t, and Steve has to sit with that discomfort for as long as Tony is content to stand there thinking through things.
“I didn’t know him,” Tony finally says. He sets the metal part down and picks up another, using the rag to get the gunk and grease off of it.
“Who?” Steve is confused. Somehow, despite the lack of words, he’s lost the thread of conversation.
“Howard. I didn’t know him that well.”
“You didn’t? I thought you grew up with him.”
Tony makes a face, lips pressed together like he’s deciding something. A moment later he says, “Only side of Howard I got to see much of was his fists.”
“We’re talking about Howard Stark?”
Tony gives a nod and moves on to another metal piece.
Steve had been taught a lesson by Nat, Clint, and Sam. Now Tony is teaching him something too, and it’s something he really never expected. Nat grew up in the red room, going through intensive cruel training to become an assassin. Clint was orphaned at a young age and grew up in foster care before he ran away. Bucky and Steve had grown up poor, clinging to each other instead of their families, Steve especially because his father was a drunk and showed Steve his fists about as often as it sounds like Howard did to Tony. He just can’t wrap his mind around it after believing that Tony grew up privileged, with the perfect life. He doesn’t know what to say, but what ends up coming out is, “Me too. My father I mean.”
Howard Stark was flashy and arrogant, but never in a million years had Steve imagined that he’d be a bad father… or an abusive one. The Howard that Steve had known hadn’t had a child yet… was a younger man. He was a completely different Howard than the one Tony had known. Still, Tony had mourned for him after his death, and had done so again after finding out that Bucky had been the one to kill his parents. For the first time since he walked into the lab, Steve knows exactly what he has to say.
“I’m sorry for not telling you about Bucky and what he did… to your parents. I learned about it a couple years before the Accords and I should have said something to you then.” He looks up and finds Tony’s gaze intense, eyes boring into him. “I’ve been a bad friend. I think I haven’t been a friend to you at all.”
Tony sets the piece of metal and rag down and leans down on the metal workbench with both hands. “Probably a lot of that going around,” he says, and Steve’s not quite sure what he means, if he’s talking about the rest of the team, or Steve, or- “I’m not exactly known to be the best person to be friends with.”
“I don’t know,” Steve says, “the rest of the team seems to think pretty highly of you.”
Tony scoffs. “Right.”
“Ask them.”
“Hate to break it to you Capscicle, but you’re wrong.”
Steve wonders if this is worth fighting over. They’ve fought in the past about a lot of things… about Tony’s personality, about Ultron, about various missions, the Accords, Bucky… he doesn’t want to fight with Tony anymore. He doesn’t want to fight with him ever again. But the look on Tony’s face… he can’t pin down what it is but he doesn’t like it. Tony looks like he’s blaming himself or is just really unhappy. Maybe this is one thing that’s worth fighting about. “At the risk of sounding like a jerk and starting an argument, you’re the one that’s wrong.” He doesn’t give Tony a chance to start talking and hurries on with this one last thing he has to say. “It was pointed out to me that you do a lot of things for the team, and for people you’re friends with, like making sure Clint still gets to go home and see his family. It was also pointed out to me how good you are with Peter. If you’re not good to be friends with, I don’t think your intern would look as happy as he does whenever he comes for lab days.”
Tony looks like he’s thinking it over for long moments. “You know… all I wanted to do was keep us all together.” He looks up at Steve, but he doesn’t look angry despite that his voice is tight. “Everyone but Rhodey and Vision went the other way… left me there by myself. Only reason Rhodey stuck by me is because he felt like he had to, and look where that got him… a spinal injury and walking braces.”
Steve can sense how much it still bothers Tony. He doesn’t think Tony knows how much that fight still bothers all of them. “That wasn’t on you, or me, it was on all of us. We all did that. It wasn’t something you did or didn’t do. If it was just you and me, it would have been just you and me having it out at the airport. I dragged Clint and Wanda into it, and I’m pretty sure Nat didn’t choose you or me, she chose Clint. We all did this to ourselves, and no one is ok with how it turned out.”
Tony sniffs and then reaches up to his nose for a moment. He drops his hand and puts it on the workbench. He shifts from one foot to another, seemingly unable to sit still for several moments. “So this is a thing now?” he asks, looking up at Steve. For just a moment he sounds like the old Tony… the Tony Steve hasn’t seen since just before they fought at the airport. “That’s it? We just… apologize and we’re a team again?”
“I didn’t come down here to make us a team again.”
“Then what did you come down here for?”
“I needed you to know that you’re important… to us. Not just as Iron Man, or a team member. Whether we stick together as a team after the six months are up or not, that doesn’t matter as much as you knowing that, and that I’m sorry… for everything.”
Tony doesn’t respond, and Steve feels like it’s time to go, finally, because he’s come to say everything he has to. He moves for the door to the lab, and gets most of the way there when Tony says, “I’m sorry too.”
He turns back to him and finds that Tony looks uncomfortable. Steve gives him a nod, and then leaves. He doesn’t know if he fixed anything between them, or between Tony and the rest of the team. He doesn’t know if Tony believes a word he said. But Sam had reminded him earlier that day that all they can do is their best. For the first time in a long time, Steve feels like he really has done his best. It feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders… off his chest. He’s not always going to get things right, but this time, it feels like he might have.
* * *
Tony is laughing. It’s not a little laugh, but deep and rumbling. Sam looks up from the bowl of cereal he’s pouring himself for dinner, and spies Tony and Peter walking down the hall towards the elevator.
“What did you just say?” Tony asks, still chuckling.
“Really Mr. Stark, I could totally become an evil supervillain.”
He laughs again, and the sound makes Sam’s chest feel warm. “Evil people can’t help little old ladies cross the street.”
Just before the two pass by the large opening to the common living space, Tony puts his hand on top of Peter’s head and ruffles his hair a little.
Sam can’t help the smile that comes over his own face. He’s never seen Tony smile or laugh like this before… never seen him get close enough physically to someone to ruffle their hair, aside from the one time Sam had seen Pepper comforting him in the darkened hall. He wonders if maybe he’s seeing the real Tony for the first time… the one Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy get to see. Maybe it’s the first time Peter is getting to see the real him too. The thought makes Sam smile all through his cereal dinner.
* * *
Clint doesn’t need to hang out in the vents above Tony’s lab to catch glimpses of him and Peter, because he comes into the common area kitchen one Sunday morning and finds Peter and Tony sitting side by side at the kitchen island eating donuts.
“Hey Spidey,” Clint says, “don’t usually see you here on a Sunday.”
Peter freezes, donut hovering midway to his mouth and then turns with a look of panic on his face to Clint. “Wh- what? I’m- I’m not Spider Man.”
“Relax, had you pegged more than a month ago. Nat had you figured out almost right away.”
“It’s fine, they’ll keep your secret,” Tony says.
“Buuuuuuuh….” Peter elongates the word so long that Tony rolls his eyes.
“Great, you broke him,” Tony says. “What am I supposed to do with a broken kid? I drove all the way to Queens to pick him up and now he’s gonna be stuck on buuuuuuuh, for the rest of the day.”
“Nah, he’s good, right Pete?” Clint asks, and despite that Peter is no longer making the noise, his mouth has been hanging open so Peter slams it shut.
“Better,” Tony says, “eat your donuts.”
“But how did you find out?” Peter asks Clint, voice high.
“I hung out in the vents above Tony’s lab hallway and saw you pull the suit out of your bag in the lab.”
“Clint, don’t break my kid again.”
Peter turns to stare at Tony, mouth hanging open again. Tony realizes what he said and looks slightly embarrassed.
Clint laughs. “Think you’re the one that broke him this time.”
Tony looks over at Peter, who’s giving him a slightly awestruck look. “Yeah, I’ll probably get this look all day now. Took him a long time to get over the ‘starstruck over hanging out with Iron Man’ stage, and now I’m gonna have to start all over.”
“Mr. Stark,” Peter whines a little.
“Eat your donut.”
Peter picks up his donut but Clint notes that he keeps shooting Tony shy glances as he eats, like he’s not sure what to make of what he just heard. Clint grins into the cup of coffee he just poured himself and snags a donut. Yeah… this is worth it.
* * *
It’s a Wednesday, but Tony is standing in the kitchen making himself something to eat for lunch. He looks like he’s had a good night's sleep too.
“What are you making?” Nat asks.
“I’m looking for the leftovers of whatever Cap cooked last night. Clint wouldn’t shut up about how good it was,” he says, head in the fridge as he holds the door open.
“Steve didn’t save you any,” she says, and Tony stands up, looking mildly offended. “But I did,” she says with a smile, and he turns and grins at her before turning back to rummage through the fridge some more. His smile seems so… genuine, that Nat is taken aback for a moment. She’s not used to seeing him smile.
Tony steps back and shuts the fridge door, holding up the tupperware container with his prize. It’s got a blue sticky note on top with his name on it. “This it?”
“Yup. Swedish meatballs and pasta.”
“If this tastes terrible, I’m locking Clint out of the lab.”
Nat smiles. “It’ll drive him crazy if I’m in there when he comes down and you don’t open the door for him.”
Tony sticks the leftovers in the microwave and turns it on. “Diabolical,” he says. He likes the food Nat had saved back for him though, and as he leaves to go back to his lab after finishing it, he laments about how they’ll have to wait to lock Clint out until another time.
* * *
Steve has been watching Tony, trying to look for everything his team believes about him. He sees all of it, but he also learns some more things all on his own. He sees Rhodey coming to check on Tony and to drag him out of the compound to go do something fun. He also overhears Rhodey giving Tony advice about Peter, telling him to take Peter out to do something fun just the two of them. A few days later on the weekend, he catches Tony and Peter coming in from a trip out to some kind of state park to see a waterfall. He’d never thought of Tony as the kind to take other people’s advice, but Steve knows now that he will, at least from his friends.
Steve keeps watching, and sees Tony and Pepper coming in with takeout after a long day at work in the city. Pepper is laughing at something he’s said, and wraps her arm around his back. He lets her, despite that he doesn’t let anybody get close to him. It’s clear she enjoys his company.
One day when Happy ends up staying overnight at the compound so he can take Peter back to the city the day after he stays the night, Steve walks by Happy’s open office door and hears Tony, Happy and Peter inside talking and joking about some sort of incident Peter had gotten himself involved in.
Pepper, Rhodes, Happy and Peter have stuck by Tony, Steve realizes. They’re Tony’s family, and when Tony is with them, he’s at ease in a way he hasn’t been with the team in a long time.
Steve has noticed something else about Tony recently too though: he’s stopped looking so sullen all the time. He seems to be better rested and less jumpy. He’s still quiet around the team, or at least around Steve, and is still closed off around them. He’s been less distant with Peter though, and Steve isn’t going to complain about that.
Tony might always be standoffish with the team. Things might not ever go back to the way they were, but Steve’s ok with it. He thinks the rest of the team is too.
Things aren’t perfect, but for the first time in a long time, it feels to Steve like things are good.