Chapter Text
Lydia was being reckless. She knew this, but she couldn’t stop herself. After Freddie’s revelation in the sanctuary earlier that evening, it was like something had unlocked inside of her and now she couldn’t control her impulses. Every chance she got to make physical contact with Freddie, she took. Every brush of the hand and shoulder nudge set her entire body on fire, and she craved more. It was more than just want though. It was like she was daring Freddie to confirm her suspicions about her, to say ‘yes, I am like you, I want this too.’ She knew it was stupid, yet here she was, brushing her thumb across Freddie’s cheek to catch an errant eyelash.
“Make a wish,” Lydia held out her thumb and presented the eyelash to Freddie. Freddie held her gaze as she blew on her thumb, sending the eyelash off into the ether as a chill ran down Lydia’s spine from the sensation.
STUPID
Her mind was screaming at her, but her body just wouldn’t listen.
“What did you wish for?” She asked, clearing her throat when she realized how breathless she sounded.
“Well, if I tell you, then it won’t come true,” Freddie teased. “Anyway, I think we’ve earned a break from rehearsing, don’t you?”
Lydia nodded in agreement and the two girls sat down in the grass with their backs up against the rock.
After their talk earlier they had actually had quite a productive rehearsal. All of the issues Lydia had been having earlier in rehearsal seemed to melt away with the knowledge that Freddie didn’t believe the rumors. Gone was the stuttering, unfocused girl from earlier, replaced by her usual confident self.
At dinner, Freddie had snubbed Eleanor and Peggy in order to sit with Lydia, which garnered them quite a few whispers and stares. When Lydia pointed this out, Freddie had just shrugged it off, saying, “Let them stare.” It seemed Freddie really didn’t care any longer what anyone else thought. This was a welcomed change, but Lydia still wasn’t sure what had precipitated it.
She wanted to trust Freddie, but trust wasn’t something that came naturally to her. She’d always had to be careful about who she confided in, even before she had realized her romantic inclinations towards other girls. She knew most kids viewed her as strange and off-putting. The only two people she really trusted back at Rydell were Floyd and Arthur, her best friends and possibly the only people in the world who truly understood her. So with everyone else she had to be careful, guarded. But with Freddie… she was starting to feel like she could trust her, and that was terrifying.
Lydia’s thoughts were interrupted when Freddie pulled out a sleek silver cigarette case and a lighter. She took one out and lit it, taking a long draw as Lydia stared in awe. “Want one?” Freddie asked, holding out the case in offering to Lydia.
“Sure,” Lydia found herself saying, before quickly backpedaling. “I mean – but I’ve never –”
“Oh, so I’m corrupting you?” Freddie replied, with a smirk and a sparkle in her eyes that nearly made Lydia choke. “That’s fun,” Freddie continued, putting the cigarette case away and offering Lydia her already lit cigarette instead. “Better to try mine than smoke a whole one by yourself if it’s your first time.”
Lydia tentatively accepted the cigarette with a shaking hand and lifted it to her lips, trying hard not to think about how it had touched Freddie’s only moments before. She inhaled deeply and the smoke burned her lungs, causing her eyes to water and provoking a violent coughing fit. Why did people like this?
“Don’t worry,” Freddie said chuckling as she rubbed soothing circles across Lydia’s back. “That happened my first time too. Bradley had a field day teasing me about it.”
“God, that is awful,” Lydia exclaimed, suppressing the irritated scowl that wanted to make its’ way onto her face at the mention of Bradley.
“It’s not so bad once you get the hang of it,” Freddie replied. “Here, try again, but this time don’t inhale so deeply, and try to blow it out slowly.”
Freddie gently guided Lydia’s hand back up to her lips. Lydia did as she was told and inhaled lightly. The burning sensation wasn’t nearly as bad this time around, and she was able to exhale slowly through her mouth. It left her with a pleasant head rush that she really didn’t mind. She grinned over at Freddie who looked back at her proudly.
“There you go, you’re a natural!” She reclaimed her cigarette and took a long drag before passing it back to Lydia. They sat like that for another few minutes, passing the cigarette back and forth between them, before Lydia finally spoke up.
“So, Bradley taught you how to smoke?”
“Sort of,” Freddie said, making a face as she passed the cigarette back to Lydia. “I mean, it was a whole group of us who tried them last year. But Bradley was the only one who had smoked before, so… yeah I guess so.”
“Hmm,” Lydia hummed in response. “So what’s the deal there anyways?” She asked, trying hard to come off as nonchalant.
“What do you mean?” Freddie replied, taking one final drag off the cigarette before stubbing it out on the rock behind them.
“Well, Peggy and Eleanor said you and Bradley used to go together, but you didn’t seem all that broken up about it when they talked about it. So, I guess I was just wondering what the story is?”
“Ah,” Freddie responded before looking down at her hands and going silent for a long moment. She was quiet for so long that Lydia started to worry she had offended her. She was just about to apologize for prying, when Freddie finally spoke again.
“Bradley is… complicated. I told you about the rumors, and, well, he kind of saved me from them. He, like everyone here, had heard what people were saying about me, only he wasn’t disgusted by it.” Freddie smiled slightly and leaned back against the rock, resting the back of her head on it. “He found me after rehearsal one day towards the end of the summer. Told me he understood, and that he thought what the other kids were doing was awful. And then he asked me out. Dating him negated all the rumors, so things pretty much went back to normal after that. And the relationship benefited his image as well, so we just kept it up all last summer. We broke up a week before camp ended last year. And, don’t get me wrong, I care about Bradley a lot, and I played the part of the heartbroken girl well, but… it was never really anything more than transactional between us.”
Freddie glanced tentatively at Lydia who was sitting as still as a statue staring back at her. Lydia’s mind was racing again. Freddie had just all but confirmed that she was like her. That she was queer. A small breath escaped Lydia’s lips as she finally thought the word for the first time. All these years of knowing, but never allowing herself to think it, as though thinking it would make it any more true. And all it took was the realization that the girl sitting in front of her felt the same way for the thought to slip past the careful barriers Lydia had crafted in her mind. The idea that she wasn’t alone both frightened and excited her. Still, if she was going to reveal this part of her, she had to be certain.
“Freddie, what were the rumors about?”
Freddie smiled bitterly at Lydia. “I think you know.”
Lydia’s heart was pounding in her ears. Freddie was still staring at her, her eyes searching Lydia’s – for what, Lydia didn’t dare speculate, but the intensity of it made her blush and turn away. She felt dizzy and breathless, hardly believing they were having this discussion, even if they were dancing around the subject. Once she had caught her breath, Lydia turned back to Freddie to ask one final question.
“Were they true?”
Lydia got her answer as Freddie leaned in and kissed her. It was quick and chaste, but it made Lydia’s head spin anyways. Freddie pulled away after a split second, leaning back to look at Lydia with questioning eyes. Lydia answered the question this time by leaning in and capturing Freddie’s lips with her own.
Their second kiss was far from chaste. Lydia wrapped one hand around Freddie’s neck while the other came to rest on the other girl’s thigh. Freddie, in turn, wrapped her arms around Lydia’s waist, pulling her in until their bodies were flush against one another. Lydia felt light headed, like she had when she’d smoked the cigarette, only this was a thousand times better. Freddie’s hand brushed the bare skin of Lydia’s back below the hem of her shirt, and Lydia let out a small, needy gasp – something which may have embarrassed her had it not resulted in Freddie eagerly deepening the kiss.
Freddie shifted suddenly so she was straddling Lydia’s lap. She cupped Lydia’s face with one hand, allowing the other to slide up under the hem of Lydia’s shirt slightly more. Lydia’s head was swimming. Freddie was on top of her, and she smelled like vanilla and honey, and Lydia was so dizzy she couldn’t make sense of it all.
She pulled away briefly, trying to collect her thoughts as Freddie, undeterred, began to pepper soft kisses down the side of her neck.
“What –” Lydia croaked out, her voice thick and foreign to her own ears. “What are we doing?”
Freddie broke away from Lydia’s neck to meet her eyes. She cupped Lydia’s face with both hands, brushing soft circles against Lydia’s cheek.
“Please,” Freddie whispered. “Just… please.”
Lydia nodded, unable to deny Freddie anything when she was begging like this. Freddie surged forward and Lydia allowed herself to get lost in the other girl’s lips once again.
There would be time for talking later.