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Their home is freezing cold. Bucky’s eyes are glued on the television screen, but he isn’t really paying attention to what the absolute fuck is going on with Daenerys. Sam would’ve had some snarky comments about her, but he’s thousands of miles away, in their bedroom, doing whatever the fuck he’s doing. Because Sam seems to find pleasure in giving him the cold shoulder for four straight fucking days.
But it’s not without reason. Bucky wasn’t too enthusiastic about Sam’s plan for them to come out in public. No, scratch that. He totally opposed it. The very idea itself sets his teeth on edge. He said some things that Sam did not like hearing about, and the rest is history.
He figures he would be sleeping on the couch again tonight.
💙
Sam is a force of nature. When he’s angry, which thankfully is a rare occurrence, you better get out of his way. Bucky is not the one to trudge towards the path of a tornado, but a tornado’s path is unpredictable. The tornado unfortunately chooses to strike today. And it’s heading his way.
“It seems to me like you’re ashamed of our relationship.” Sam remarks, his voice even, but cold, uncharacteristically so.
Other than physical, Bucky absolutely dreads confrontations. He clearly wasn’t built and trained for it. Sam’s countenance makes him want to flee, to take refuge in the soldier’s safe house in Juneau.
“That’s not true, Sam. You know that. I just thought we need more time to think it through.” Bucky believes that he’s not being unreasonable. It’s not like he’s saying no. Why can’t Sam understand that he’s now considering a compromise?
“I remember what you said before, that I’d be disrespecting the shield and Steve’s legacy, right? Am I an abomination to you, Bucky?” Sam’s eyes are filled with rage, which is kind of scary.
And just like that Bucky shuts down.
“What? Come on, I didn’t say it like that. This is going nowhere. Let’s talk when we’re calmer, please?”
“Sure, and bottle up the issues and run away. Well, that’s the only thing you’re good at, Bucky.” Sam points accusingly at him, not backing down. He clearly wants something or anything to happen.
“Okay, Sam, whatever. Do what you want. I’m not fighting you.” Bucky holds his hands up in surrender.
“You know what, this isn’t working. Maybe our relationship has run its course. We should break up.” Sam goes to their bedroom, slamming the door shut.
Bucky feels like being backhanded in the face. How could Sam say that? Does he not love him that deeply as much as he does? How could he hurt him like this?
“Fine, I’m leaving!” Bucky shouts, slamming the main door behind him.
❤️
So Bucky does what he does best: compartmentalizing. He runs his own missions now, clearing the remaining Hydra bases all across the country and staying as far away from Sam as humanly possible. He has become so good at it that he’s able to not think about Sam all the time, well except every night when he’s alone in bed and couldn’t sleep.
He keeps his phone on airplane mode most of the time, not that anyone looks into his whereabouts or well-being anymore. Sometimes, he sees a few message and missed call notifications from Sam and Sarah, but he doesn’t have the guts to read their messages. Because Sam is right, he excels at avoiding and hiding, and cutting people off. These are the only things he’s ever good at.
He even believes that the breakup is beneficial to Sam, now that he can concentrate on being Captain America without the excess baggage. Bucky knows that he’s a liability. There’s always the Winter Soldier conundrum hanging over him, like a stubborn stain on the shield that they can’t seem to wipe off. That’s why he’s against the idea of coming out in public. It could destroy Sam.
He hopes that Sam can now at least move on.
💜
“We miss you.” Sarah squeezes Sam’s shoulder.
“What are you talking about? I’m always here.”
“You know what I mean, Sam. You haven't been the same since Bucky left.” Sam always feels a stabbing pain in his heart whenever he hears Bucky’s name being mentioned.
“I don’t know how to respond to that, Sarah.” Sam's eyes are brimming with tears. He knows he fucked up and he doesn’t know if he can fix it. He can’t even reach Bucky to apologize. His impulsiveness got the better of him, hurting the person he truly cared about and loved. As a former VA counselor, he’d done a shit job.
“You’re an idiot. How could you let him get away? We all know how right you both are for each other.” Sarah sighs. Sam may be Captain America, but as his sister, she still has the right to call him out for his stupidity.
“Do you have to rub it in? I know I screwed up, okay? And he has practically disappeared, so I can’t actually get through to him, even if I wanted to.”
“All I’m saying is, you have to make yourself better. For when he comes back.”
“Do you really think he’d come back?” Sam asks in a somewhat hopeful tone.
“Two idiots in love? Do I need to say more?”
🩷
Bucky coming back is easier said than done. Because he isn’t like most people. He’s a fucking cyborg. Maybe he’d come back when hell freezes over. Sam won’t be alive by then to find out.
He reaches for his phone.
🩵
Bucky is crying. It’s not because there are five bullets inside his body and he’s bleeding and maybe dying, but because he’s never felt so empty and alone in his life (Hydra phase excluded). Sam would always know what to do, how to make everything better. He always knows how to make him feel better. He wallows in self pity for a while before attempting to actually treat his wounds.
His phone rings. It’s Sam. Bucky’s breath hitches, cursing Sam’s telepathic abilities. But he knows how to make him feel better. He decides to swallow his pride and answers on the fifth ring, because he’s petty and is still playing hard to get.
“Sam?” Bucky is instantly flooded with emotions. He really missed him.
“Hello, Buck. Are you good? You sound different,” he asks with a hint of worry in his voice.
“Uhmm, yeah, I just had a rough and tumble this afternoon.” Bucky smiles, but why the fuck is he even smiling?
“I hope it’s nothing serious, though? Have you patched up already?”
“I-well, uhmm, you can definitely say that, yeah, of course, oh shit, but gosh Sam, these bullets though, fuck, so I dunno.” His voice falters a bit and Sam is livid.
“What the hell, Buck? Where the fuck are you?”
🖤
Sam lies beside Bucky’s sleeping form, his hand gently stroking his brown hair that has now grown to the length of his chin. Bucky is such a wonderful, loving and kind person. He’s a keeper. How could he let him go so easily when he’s madly in love with him? God, he can’t believe he wasted so much time acting like a child. He really is stupid.
Bucky stirs and opens his eyes. He looks at Sam affectionately, as if nothing has changed.
“I’m sorry, Sam. I messed up.” He holds Sam’s hand close to his heart, tears falling from his eyes.
“I’m sorry I ran away.”
“No, Buck. I’m sorry I drove you away.” He softly kisses Bucky’s hand, hoping for his forgiveness.
“Let’s talk all about it when you’re well.”
Bucky sighs contentedly and smiles at Sam. He knows everything is going to be alright.
🧡
