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“I still say I could have handled them myself,” Maggie huffed at her partner. She took one last drag off her cigarette before dropping it to the cement and crushing it under her heel. “We don’t need to rely on superheroes every time one of these masked loonies robs a mall.”
“If it was just the clown I might let you have a go, Captain” Dan laughed off. “She’s dangerous, but she’s human. But her poisonous friend isn’t someone I’d tackle with the whole SCU.” Said force was surrounding the two lead officers, ready to take the criminals into custody as soon as they were brought out.
“Isn’t she only dangerous if she kisses you?” Maggie asked, looking down impatiently at her watch. They’d sent Wonder Woman in to evacuate the mall and apprehend Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn almost twenty minutes ago. The Amazon was helping to keep Metropolis safe while Superman was Earth for a few months to deal with some problem or other in space - Maggie couldn’t remember (or care about) the details. “I don’t think I’ll have to worry about that problem.”
“You never know,” the inspector chuckled, brushing his elbow against hers good-naturedly. He quickly turned serious “And that’s old intel, from before she turned all green.. Last I heard she broke out of Arkham Asylum by making a single potted plant grow and shatter the wall. And she completely took over Gotham Park for a month. That’s Justice League crap.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Maggie dismissed. “At least they sent the prettiest one. Even I want her autograph.”
The banter between work partners was interrupted by the high pitched squealing of Harley. The entire Special Crimes Unit trained their blasters on the direction of the sound, only for Dan Turpin to give them the signal to calm down. There was nothing remotely threatening about Harley when she was over Diana’s left shoulder. As for her aloe-skinned accomplice, she was bound at the wrists by the shining golden lasso in Wonder Woman’s other hand.
“I want a lawyer! I want a phone call! I want a tuna fish sandwich! I want...”
“You are embarrassing me, Harls,” Ivy spat. She rolled her eyes, while Maggie and Dan tried to contain their giggling.
“But I don’t want to go back to Arkham,” Harley blubbered as she was deposited unceremoniously onto the ground. “Oof. Hey! There’s no need to be so rough with me, Princess. I already surrendered. Oh!” What was sure to be a rant against Diana was cut off by Maggie grabbing her hands and locking them in cuffs. “This isn’t fair!”
“You can’t expect to just go into a mall robbing everyone and expect there not to be consequences.” Diana let out an exasperated sigh, and wagged her finger. “That’s just how the world works, sister.”
“But we didn’t even hurt nobody,” Harley protested, pulling away from Maggie and tumbling forward. While she still had the cuffs on, her lithe, agile frame allowed her to contort her body so that her hands were now in front of her. Diana braced for an attack, only for Harley to fall to her knees and fold her hands as if in prayer. “Come on, have a heart. You have no idea how miserable it is to rot in a cell for months just because you wanted a new dress.”
“If you wanted a new dress you could have paid for it like everyone else,” Diana scolded, placing her hand on her hip.
“With what money?” Ivy scoffed defensively. “Nobody wants ex-Arkham Inmates waiting their tables. Nobody respectable anyway. It’s all part of the system; you go to prison once, and you keep paying for crimes for the rest of your life. So the only way to survive is to commit more crime.”
Diana gave Ivy a skeptical look, trying to ignore Harley. (The whining blonde was clinging to her ankle with her hand and begging for compassion while Maggie made an attempt to wrestle her away.) “That can’t all be true. What kind of criminal justice system would work like that? They’re supposed to be helping you rehabilitate.”
“That is how it’s supposed to go,” Maggie said. She had managed to pull Harley free and was keeping Harley pinned to the ground while she unlocked the cuffs long enough to set them against the woman’s back once more. “But prisons are overstaffed and underfunded and most of them are owned by people who profit off of them. It really isn’t efficient.”
“For somebody who’s part of the problem you sure seem to be angry about it,” Ivy mused. She was not pleased to watch someone manhandle her best friend, but the Captain was being far more gentle than she was used to seeing.
“Well, that all seems ridiculous and inefficient,” Diana observed. She folded her arms in disgust. “On Themyscira we take rehabilitation extremely seriously. If someone has been punished and sincerely wishes to make amends, they should be given a fair chance to do so.”
“Yeah, well, we’re not on Paradise Island,” Dan voiced. He was getting rather fed up with the whole conversation. “And these two aren’t poor harmless down on their luck people being oppressed by the police. They’re dangerous super criminals. We’re going to have to give Ivy here a sedative just to make sure we can get somewhere where there aren’t any plants.”
“Don’t you fucking dare! I’m not about to make things worse for myself,” Pamela all but growled. “I’m complying! I don’t want to spend any more time in prison or Arkham than I have to.”
“I’d do anything not to be locked up again,” Harley bawled. She gave Diana a supplicating look. “Hey. Didn’t you let that Killer Frost lady go free last month? She froze a whole laboratory and we barely caused any property damage.”
“I wouldn’t say I let her go free,” Diana dismissed. “I punished her myself. She had an overblown temper tantrum, so I taught her a lesson. She promised that she would control her anger in the future, and we’ve been keeping a close eye on her in case she ever gets out of line.”
Ivy snickered. “Taught her a lesson? That’s a pretty euphemism for ‘I hit her with my boomerang tiara and tied her up with my magic obedience rope.’ What, did she blackmail you?”
“No, I punished her,” Diana repeated. “I took her over my knee and beat some sense into the poor girl until she was ready to apologize and mind her manners.”
Maggie broke into uproarious laughter. “You spanked a grown ass woman until she promised to be a good girl? And then you just let her go?” Boy, was this turning out to be an especially memorable day at the office. “Dan, can we keep her in Metropolis? Please?”
Harley had a deer in the headlights look about her. “So if Wonder Woman gives me spankin’, do I get to go home?”
“Yes,” Diana answered softly.
“No!” Dan exclaimed.
“I say ‘Yes’ and I think I have more say in this than you do,” Diana warned.
“Ohh!” Harley squealed with glee, jumping a foot in the air and somehow landing with her hands back in front of her again. “I’ll do it! Come on, Wonder Woman, spank me already.”
“Harley, you can’t debase yourself like that. You’re not a child!” Ivy balked.
“Says who?” Harley huffed. “If it means I don’t go to jail, I’ll be happy to get a spankin’. I’ll even put my nose in a corner and think about how rotten I’ve been if that’s what it takes.”
The response left everyone stunned silent. Ivy could not seem to close her jaw. The crowd of SCU officers looked to Dan and Maggie for orders, and they were completely unsure of what to do. Diana looked like she was about to swallow her lips in amusement. She gave the lasso to Maggie so that Ivy wasn’t unattended, then came over to Harley and took her jaw in hand.
“Don’t give me any ideas, Harley Quinn. If you really want me to spank you, it’s not going to be a fun time. I’m not nice to naughty little girls who break society’s rules,” she scolded.
“Jesus wept,” Maggie muttered. How was she supposed to cope with this statuesque supermodel going into full dominatrix mode? This was the kind of thing she should be watching on her computer at home, not on the job.
“You... you aren’t?” Harley pouted.
“Uh-uh. I paddle them to tears. I don’t stop until their bottoms are red hot and they can’t help talking about how sorry they are. You won’t be able to sit comfortably all day today and half of tomorrow,” Diana warned. As she explained what fate could await the jester, she walked by and stroked her hair. “Do you still want a spanking?”
Harley chewed on her bottom lip for about ten seconds while Diana took a seat on the hood of Dan’s car. But after careful consideration, she nodded. “Uh huh.”
“Then get your sorry little butt over here so I can get started,” Wonder Woman ordered, patting her left knee. “I haven’t got all day.”
Harley bolted over, and the sudden movement snapped everyone back to reality.
“Hey! You can’t let Wonder Woman do that! It’s cruel and unusual punishment!” Ivy protested for the sake of her clearly delusional bestie. “Do something!”
“What do you want me to do?” Dan asked incredulously. “She’s Wonder Woman, and the dame is literally asking for it!”
“We’re not going to do anything,” Maggie declared. “I want to see the show.”
“Ow! Ow, ow! Oh that stings!” Harley barked. Her cries punctuated the unmistakable sounds of a hand smacking something hard, and drew the attention of the bickering witnesses. Diana had wasted no time in wrapping her arm securely around Harley’s waist and firing off a volley of sharp slaps. “Oh, oww! Criminey! Jumpin’ Jehosephat! Ouch!”
“I told you it wouldn’t be nice,” Diana told her in a mocking tone. She popped one pert cheek and then the other, going back and forth and smiling as she did so. “You’re wearing a dress that you stole from a mall where you held everybody at gunpoint. You deserve some serious consequences, Missy.”
“Ow! Ow! Yikes! I know, I know! I’m sorry, okay?” Harley yelped. “Have a heart, Wonder Bread. I’m just trying not to go to the slammer. Ow! Ow!”
“You call me Ms. or Ma’am while you’re over my knee, Harley Quinn,” Diana ordered simply. She slapped a little lower, warming the clown’s thighs and turning them a shade of rosy pink. The attack on less cushioned body parts had Harley kicking her legs just as fervently as she had when she was over Diana’s shoulder.
“Yes, Ma’am! Sorry Ma’am! Ow! Oh! I’m sorry, Ma’am! Ouch!” Harley implored. “Oh, stop, stop! You’re gonna smack it right off of me!”
“I assure you that your naughty little bottom will still be attached when I’m done,” Diana answered her, shaking her head. “You’ll just wish it wasn’t. Now, let’s get this dress out of the way, hmm? You shouldn’t even be wearing it.”
Maggie covered her mouth and Dan Turpin’s eyes as Diana lifted the skirt of the dress out of the way and wrangled Harley out of her underwear. She watched with unmitigated delight as Wonder Woman gave a yelping, sobbing, writhing young woman a well-deserved bare bottom spanking. Had she died and gone to heaven?
Pamela’s horror gradually decreased as she watched the ritual. She wasn’t sure how she felt about Diana’s obvious mirth at getting to spank Harls. One one hand, Ivy hated the idea of her dear friend being subjected to the whims of a sadist. On a completely other hand, Ivy was a sadist and she couldn’t deny that she felt extremely jealous that she was not the one reddening Harley’s perfect tush. But the longer she watched and listened to Diana’s scolding and Harley’s apologies, the more she was convinced that Wonder Woman was not relishing causing pain. Instead, it seemed that she was appreciative that Harley was so cooperative and apologetic.
“You were such a naughty, naughty girl, weren’t you?” Diana asked soothingly as she walloped the thrashing young woman. “I’ve heard from Batman that you weren’t always such a criminal. You were a psychiatrist once, if I remember correctly.”
“Yes, yes, I was a productive member of society! Oww! It wasn’t until I fell in love with Joker that I realized how broken society was and decided to hell with the rules. Ouch! Ouch!” Harley admitted, shedding real tears. “And now I don’t even like Mistah J. He’s mean and abusive and a total jerk, and he’s really not even that funny. Yowch, cheese and crackers! How long is this gonna take?”
“As long as it needs to,” Diana said matter of factly. “Now, society might be broken. I’ve been in Man’s World long enough to know that. But that doesn’t give you an excuse not to be kind, and honest, and fair. You don’t need to scare and hurt innocent people just because the world beat you up a little. That’s what a bully does, Harley. That’s what Joker does. Are you going to be a bully?”
“Ow! Ow! No, no I don’t want to be a bully, Ma’am! I don’t!” she hissed, starting to shed tears.
“That’s good, because bullies get their bottoms blistered. And so do thieves,” Diana reminded her, spanking faster and faster. “Guess what, little girl? I’m not going to tolerate that from you anymore. Whenever you act out, I’m going to find you and I’m going to spank you just as hard as I am now.”
”Whenever I act out? Oww, not fair, not fair!” Harley really started to flail then, making herself a more difficult target for Diana’s administrations. Yet not once did the Princess miss her mark, leaving her bottom a brilliant cherry red. “I don’t want any more spankings, Ma’am! I don’t!”
“Then you had better be a good girl, Harley,” Diana surmised. “Or Mama’s gonna bring her good friend Ms. Hairbrush with her and give you the paddling of a lifetime. And I’ll make you stand with your cute little nose in a corner, with your well-spanked bottom showing. I mean it!”
“Yes Ma’am! I’ll be a good girl! Ow, ow! I’ll never break any of your rules again!” Harley promised. And despite her inclination for chaos and mayhem, she meant it as much as she could. The idea of getting a visit from Wonder Woman because she got caught robbing a bank was more than enough to put her off of the idea. “I’ll be so, so good! Oww!”
“That’s what I like to hear,” Diana practically crowed. She set Harley down in front of her, and pulled her into a bear hug. “There, there, you just have a good cry, sweetheart. Once you’ve collected yourself, I’ll make sure to take you home. On Themyscira, you’ll get a fresh start and learn how to behave yourself. And there will be plenty of stern women around who can spank your bottom if you start being naughty.”
Harley was unable to respond with anything other than sniffles.
Dan grunted. He looked Maggie in the eye and shook his head. “We aren’t going to let Harley go free, are we? I mean... she’s dangerous.”
“I think she’s suffered enough,” Maggie said smugly. “You heard her wailing and you saw how red that butt is. I think she’s at least earned a chance to prove she can be good.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Ivy asked. “This can’t be a real conversation I’m hearing.”
“Besides, who’s going to argue with Wonder Woman? If she says Harley goes home, I think we have to let her,” Maggie surmised. “Unless you want to get your ass beaten.” Frankly, Maggie wouldn’t mind volunteering for the job. If she was going to be calling anyone “Mama”, it would be the Amazon Princess.
“No, I do not,” Dan grumbled, adjusting his jacket. “Okay, Princess. We’re going to leave Miss Quinzel in your capable hands. Let’s get Miss Isley back to Gotham.”
“Excuse me?” Pamela balked, yanking against the lasso. “First of all, it’s Doctor Isley. And second of all, that’s horse shit! You’re telling me that Harley gets to take a vacation on Lesbian BDSM Island just because she let Wonder Woman treat her like a little brat, but I have to go back to Arkham Asylum because I have some self respect?”
“Uh, yeah, actually. That’s pretty much what I’m telling you,” Maggie said. “I don’t get to go to Lesbian BDSM Island either and you don’t see me whining about it.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Pamela snarled. “Hey! Wonder Woman! Princess! Hello!”
“What do you want, Ivy?” Diana asked. She looked deeply annoyed at Pam for distracting her from the affectionate patting and squeezing she was unleashing on Harley. For her part, the soundly spanked woman was hugging Diana just as tightly.
“I want a spanking!” Pam hollered.