Chapter Text
It takes a little while for your tears to dry up. Izuku stays with you the whole time, allowing you to lean your head against his shoulder. You weren’t expecting Katsuki to do something like that. He’s done all kinds of awful things, like spewing hurtful venom, threatening violence— and acting upon it. But not once has he kissed you by force. Not once has he gone to such lengths to rattle and humiliate you. But the worst part of it all?
You now know how other people feel whenever you use your Quirk on them.
For the longest time, you did your best not to think about it. Granted, a lot of the time, you ask people for permission before kissing them. Like whenever you have a mission to complete, or back when you were struggling to figure out your powers as a kid. But you don’t always ask for permission. You can’t always ask for permission. If you’d done that during the Battle Trial, Katsuki would undoubtedly have told you to go fuck yourself, and the fight would’ve ended in your loss. The same goes for the entrance exam, when you used your Quirk on Kaminari. You didn’t have time to sit around and explain everything. You just apologized and did what you had to do. Or at least, that was how you justified it.
But now, you finally understand. You understand just how awful it is to be kissed without consent. Once you’re a pro hero, you’ll be forced to use this ability against villains the vast majority of the time, but even so, you can’t shake this nauseating sense of immorality. No matter what your intentions may be, even if you use your power to subdue criminals and protect those in need, the fact remains that you’re forcing yourself on others.
How are people supposed to look at you and see a hero , of all things?
“...I’m fine now, Izuku,” you finally say. At long last, you’ve stopped crying. But regretfully, the hollow feeling remains. “Let’s just go home. I’m really tired. You got hurt badly, so you need some rest too.”
“Alright.”
Izuku nods slowly and offers a reassuring smile. If nothing else, at least you have him by your side. You should be grateful for that alone. Not everyone is fortunate to have such a kind, supportive friend.
Of course, you can only say that because you don’t know what really goes through his mind.
With all the crying outside the infirmary you just did, the rest of your classmates have already left by now. You’re relieved to not have to bump into any of them as you and Izuku walk through the halls. It’s not like you’ll be able to avoid the questions forever, though. You have to prepare yourself for the inevitable scrutiny tomorrow. As well as the scrutiny that will probably follow you around for the rest of your life.
“[Name], do you want to come over for a bit tonight?” Izuku asks with a hopeful expression. “I mean… I know we’re both tired, but I don’t know. I thought maybe it’d be nice to unwind by spending some together… b-but obviously only if you want to. You do want to, right…?”
He’s pressuring you again. The manipulation is subtle, and since Izuku has such little self-esteem, it could easily be mistaken as him just acting nervous and being worried that you don’t want to hang out with him. Over the years, he’s manipulated you more than a handful of times, and you’ve been none the wiser. Even earlier today, he manipulated you into kissing him.
You get a strange feeling just then, but before you can read into it any further, someone calls out your name.
“Hey, [Name],” Monoma grins. He bounds up to you and lightly slaps you on the back. “What’s up with you? You’re looking down in the dumps. Class 1-A must’ve done the Battle Trial as well, right? So? Are you all bummed out because you lost? For the record, I cleared my trial with flying colors.”
“Hi, Monoma.” You strain a weak smile, hoping he can’t see through it. “No, I won my Battle Trial as well. I mean—Izuku and I did. Together. We were paired up.”
“You and Midoriya?”
Monoma looks over at Izuku, who’s smiling brightly, as if the simple act of being your partner is something to take pride in. To be honest, it is pretty lucky, considering the teachers drew lots to decide the teams. The odds of you two ending up together were pretty low.
“Ah, cool,” Monoma nods. He leans closer and taps you on the shoulder. “By the way, you still haven’t told me what your Quirk is. It doesn’t have to be such a huge secret, does it?”
It does.
“You’ll find out eventually,” you chuckle in response, but unsurprisingly, there’s little to no joy in your voice.
Although Monoma doesn’t usually shy away from teasing others, he realizes quickly enough that your spirits are low. Like, really low. Part of him wants to ask what happened, but he hesitates on account of two reasons.
One, he doesn’t want to dredge up an uncomfortable topic and risk upsetting you further. And two …
He’d rather not ask in front of Izuku. He can’t explain why, though. It’s just a feeling he has. It’s that same eerie, unsettling feeling he always seems to get, whenever his gaze locks with those deceptively kind-looking eyes.
“Are you walking with us, Monoma?” Izuku asks.
“Yeah,” Monoma nods. “I figure I may as well, since we’re already heading to the train station together. Why?”
“No reason. I was just curious.”
Izuku smiles again, but it’s different from the way he smiled earlier, when you were recounting being paired up together. His smile feels empty , for lack of a better word. And immediately after smiling, Izuku moves a bit closer to you, as if he’s getting ready to pull you away at a moment’s notice.
Monoma scrunches up his nose.
Something about Midoriya Izuku is just so fucking creepy.
“Would it be okay if I slept over tonight?”
Shortly after arriving at Izuku’s house, that’s the question you directed towards Inko. She blinked at first, a bit surprised, but it didn’t take long for her to smile and agree. She’s always made sure that you feel welcome here. In fact, this house may very well be an extension of yours. Inko certainly isn’t ignorant to all the bullying Izuku has endured. It saddens her greatly that his relationship with Katsuki, which was once so beautiful and pure, has fallen apart and become what it is now. Which is why she’s infinitely more grateful for you, having stuck by Izuku’s side all this time, through thick or thin.
Inko knows that Izuku adores you. Unfortunately, she’ll never realize just how deep his affections run.
“You’re really sleeping over?” Izuku asks, eyes wide and gleaming with excitement.
“Well, your mom said it’s okay, so unless you don’t want me to—”
“No, no! Of course I do! You can sleep over whenever you like! You can stay here forever!”
“ Forever is definitely a bit of an exaggeration,” you laugh, and Izuku chuckles softly alongside you, but truthfully, it feels rather forced.
If you ask him, even forever might not be long enough.
The three of you eat dinner together, and as expected, it’s amazing. You doubt you’ll ever get tired of Inko’s cooking. Your mom’s cooking isn’t half-bad, but Inko is in a class of her own. When you were younger, she would sometimes make extra lunch portions for you to sneak into your bag when you went to school. She probably would’ve kept doing it until now, if not for the fact that you insisted you didn’t want to trouble her.
It’s not that you don’t get along with your family. You have really nice, supportive parents. On top of your friendship with Izuku, your parents are the ones you’re the most thankful for. But there are certain moments when you just can’t seem to stand being alone. You still remember the nightmare you violently awoke from, just earlier this morning. That, coupled with how Katsuki violently kissed you earlier… it’s just too much. You don’t want to think about it anymore. You need someone to stay with you, to make the bad thoughts disappear.
And so, you will cling to Izuku—without even realizing that relying on him, and only him, is exactly what he wants.
“What do you want to do before we get ready for bed?” Izuku asks. He pauses for a moment, and a bit shyly, he can’t help but add, “D-Do you want to watch this new superhero movie that came out a little while ago?”
You crack a grin. “You’ll have to be more specific than that. There’s like a million hero-themed movies that come out every year.”
“Oh, you know the one! It’s loosely based on All Might’s first year as a professional hero! They’ve even sprinkled in a few of his interviews from back then!”
He really never gets tired of anything related to All Might, huh?
You think it’s cute, to be honest. Izuku’s passion has always been endearing, not to mention inspiring. He, along with Katsuki, are what helped shape your own desire to become a hero. Most kids say they want to become heroes when they grow up, of course. Heroes are just so cool and impactful. They have the ability to move people’s hearts with their bravery. Still, you can’t help but wonder. If you hadn’t grown up alongside Izuku and Katsuki, the two most passionate people you’ve ever known… would you still want to be a hero? Even with a Quirk like yours?
You really do wonder.
Izuku puts on the movie, so you settle down comfortably in his bed, with a big pillow resting behind both of your backs. It’s not a bad movie. The actor they casted as All Might’s younger self does a pretty good job of imitating all his mannerisms. He makes a convincing case. And Izuku was right about the fact that the movie has a lot of interviews of the real All Might.
“How many times have you watched this, Izuku?” you find yourself asking.
“N-None,” he stammers. “I was saving it. Because I wanted to watch it for the first time with you!”
“Really…?”
You furrow your brows and flash him a disbelieving look. It only lasts about a few seconds, but really, that’s all it takes for Izuku to crack.
“I’m sorry, I lied!” he shamefully exclaims, burying his face in his hands. “I’ve seen it seventeen times by now! Which makes this one the eighteenth!”
“Pfft—!”
You’re trying your hardest not to laugh, but you can’t help it. He sounds so unbelievably guilty and embarrassed, like he just got caught committing a crime.
“It’s fine, Izuku,” you chuckle, wiping away the small tears that have formed in your eyes. He pouts slightly, which is almost too adorable, and you lean in closer to squeeze his hand. “I’m not upset or anything. Besides, I kind of figured there’s probably not a single All Might-based movie you haven’t watched yet. But maybe we can make plans to go see the next one in theaters when it comes out. That way we can both watch it together for the very first time.”
A blush spreads across his cheeks, but he certainly doesn’t pass up an opportunity to hold your hand. “Th-That sounds great,” he says, and despite his shyness, he manages to grin from ear-to-ear. “We should definitely go together! I’ll make sure I do some research to find out when the next premiere is, and I’ll buy tickets in advance! It’s a date—I mean, it’ll be fun! I always have fun… as long as I’m with you .”
You grin back at him and slowly pull your hand away, without realizing how disappointed Izuku looks all of a sudden. He’s still happy, though. And although he adores All Might and is easily his number one fan, for the rest of the movie, Izuku is distracted by how badly he wishes he could hold your hand again. When you’re not looking his way, he sneaks glances at you, marveling at how someone can possibly be so pretty.
You really are perfect. His perfect, irreplaceable friend. The love of his life.
He promises himself that one day, he’ll finally work up the nerve to tell you.
The movie eventually comes to an end. It’s gotten pretty late now, and you probably shouldn’t have stayed up so long after the tumultuous day you just had, but at least Izuku’s here with you. The memory of what Katsuki did to you comes and goes, but at least, when it starts to get really bad, you can look over at Izuku and find comfort in his smile.
“I-I’ll go get ready in the bathroom, so you can stay here and change,” Izuku says, and although he does his best not to imagine anything dirty, his cheeks are already glowing bright red.
“Thanks,” you smile. “I won’t be long.”
You take off the uniform you wore today and set it aside. Since you were too tired to bother doing laundry, you asked your mother to drop off your spare so that you have it ready for tomorrow morning. She also brought you some pajamas. Modest ones, of course, because you’re not shameless enough to walk around half-naked, whether Izuku is your best friend or not. Most people probably wouldn’t be having a co-ed sleepover like this at your age anyway. Izuku laid out a futon on the ground for him to sleep on, and he offered you his bed for tonight. Back when you were kids, you used to share the bed together. You would stay up practically all night long, buried under the blankets with a flashlight, while you rifled through the contents of Izuku’s hero notebooks.
Those were probably the happiest days of your life. Back when Izuku and Katsuki still got along. Back when everything was so much simpler, and your Quirk had yet to appear. Back when the world made sense .
You smile wistfully. Even though you keep telling yourself not to dwell on the past, it’s easier said than done. You would give anything to go back in time and prevent it all from falling apart. But you don’t have a powerful Quirk that transcends time and space. You have a Quirk you despise to the very depths of your being.
Shit. Izuku’s only been gone for a few minutes, but already, your insecurity and self-loathing is creeping on you.
Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door. “Um, [Name]? I’m done with the bathroom now, so just let me know when it’s okay for me to come in… alright?”
“You can come in,” you say, and you hurry to wipe your eyes before Izuku realizes that you were close to crying. Then you trade places and head to the bathroom while he uses the room to get changed. You do your best not to stare back at your reflection as you brush your teeth. Otherwise, you’ll fixate too much on your lips. You’ll remember everything a hundred times more vividly.
You head back to Izuku’s bedroom once you’re all done getting ready, making sure to shut the door behind you. He’s already sitting on his futon, and it looks like he’s jotting something down in one of his notebooks. When he hears you step into the room, however, he snaps the notebook shut and tucks it under his pillow.
“A-All done?” he asks, sporting a wobbly, almost nervous -looking smile.
“Yeah,” you nod. “Let’s go to sleep. I’m really tired. And are you sure you don’t want the bed? Because I’ll be just fine on the futon.”
He furiously shakes his head. “No, you’re the guest. I want you to be as comfortable as possible. Did you need me to get you anything else?”
“I’m good, but thanks for asking. Can I turn off the lights now?”
“S-Sure.”
You do just that, and the room abruptly falls into darkness. You can barely see anything anymore, but fortunately, you’ve been in Izuku’s room so many times by now that you’ve committed the whole layout to memory. You carefully stay close to the wall as you navigate around, with one of your arms extended. Eventually, your hand presses up against the bed-frame, so you lower yourself onto the mattress and let your head hit the pillow.
God, you’re tired. You’re so, so tired. Not even physically. Just mentally. And emotionally. You’re tired in a way that no amount of sleep could ever hope to fix.
“Goodnight, [Name],” Izuku says.
“Goodnight, Izuku.”
And then there’s silence. You don’t like the silence. It sounds contradictory, but the silence is loud . It’s loud because you’re left alone with your thoughts, with nothing to distract you anymore. You keep yearning for sleep to claim you, so that you won’t have to think anymore, but it evades you. You just keep remembering everything . Like how you nearly died the day that man sliced your throat open. And how Katsuki apparently hates you so much now that he would choose to violate you, just to make a point.
After just a few minutes, you already can’t take it anymore.
“I-Izuku,” you call out. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, but… can you just lie next to me for a few minutes? I can’t seem to… calm down.”
There’s no response. It’s impossible that he’s already fallen asleep, so you’re worried you might have made him uncomfortable with your request. You pull the blanket up higher, until it’s covering most of your face, and you bite down on your lip in an attempt to keep from spiraling.
Then, you feel movement beside you, and the bed even sways a bit.
“I’m here now,” Izuku reassures. He probably didn’t even mean for it to come out sounding that way, but it reminds you a bit of All Might’s catchphrase, and you can’t help but smile.
“Thank you, Izuku.” You pause for a moment, and once again, you can’t stop from adding, “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for? I don’t mind.”
“I’m sorry for always whining, and crying, and being so quick to get discouraged.”
“Don’t say that. Besides… I whine and cry easily ten times more than you do. Actually, probably even more, now that I think about it…”
You chuckle a few times. He really does have a soothing presence, perfect for a hero. It’s no wonder All Might chose him as his successor. You have no doubt that he’ll become one of the best heroes of all time, if not the best. It’s okay if you can’t say the same for yourself. You’ll be happy just to be even a fraction as amazing as he is.
Izuku shifts beside you. “Hey, [Name]?”
“Yes?”
“Did Kacchan really just scream at you? I know how he is. I know he says awful things all the time… but I don’t know. You seemed really sad. You know you can tell me if something else happened, right? You can tell me everything.”
“I know. But it was really nothing, don’t worry,” you insist. “I’m just extra emotional lately, because I never realized how much Katsuki hated me until now. It just hurts, I guess. For a long time, I kept hoping we could all be friends again someday. It sounds so stupid and naive, doesn’t it?”
Izuku goes silent. You’ve been facing away from him up until now, towards the wall, because you didn’t want him to know if you suddenly started crying again. But the silence is too unnerving, so you muster up the courage and roll over. Fortunately, it’s still really hard to see. The darkness conceals your expression. And also his.
“You don’t need Kacchan,” Izuku eventually mumbles.
“What?”
“Kacchan. You don’t need him, and neither do I. All those years he kept bullying me, you never let him get away with it. You always stood up for me, and I really, really appreciate it. But I finally have a Quirk now. And… we even won our battle against him today. So, you don’t need to worry about him anymore. Just stay away from him. Stay with me instead.”
He’s saying I should completely cast Katsuki out of my life?
You suppose you understand where he’s coming from. To be honest, he’s right. You’ve been clinging to the past too strongly, to the image of what Katsuki used to be like. It was all an illusion, though. Things have changed. They’ve changed now, and you doubt they’ll ever be the same again. You’ll never start to feel better unless you leave Katsuki behind and give up on him for good. Maybe if you move on, your heart will finally know peace.
“You’re right,” you say, and although you can’t see it, Izuku’s entire expression lights up at those words. “I shouldn’t worry about Katsuki anymore. I’m sorry for ever holding out hope that he might get better, after all the horrible things he’s already done to you.”
“It’s okay,” Izuku reassures. “I’m not upset.”
“Really?”
You feel the mattress sway again, as he adjusts his position, and within seconds, his hand finds yours. “Of course not. I just don’t want Kacchan to keep hurting you. I hate seeing you cry. If it was me… I mean… I would never make you cry. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yeah. You’ve never made me cry, Izuku.” You chuckle softly and squeeze onto his hand, letting his warmth envelop you. “You’ve never made me cry, and I know you never will.”
At the time, that’s what you honestly believed.
“ Never ,” Izuku promises, and with him next to you, holding your hand, eventually, you fall asleep.