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5:05 am
Yellow eyes open and see a small light coming from a crack in the curtained window. Sitting up, Kujou Sara feels an unusual discomfort in her chest. She wasn’t injured the day before so there’s no reason she should feel pain. Deciding to ignore it, she changes her clothes and goes outside taking five deep breaths.
She looks up and sees the wanderer looking down at her; giving him a nod she spreads her wings and she flies up. When she was in Inazuma she used to walk five times around the courtyard, but in Sumeru, she started to fly the five laps. With him.
Though very little is spoken, any time they spend together is enjoyable in her eyes.
“You seem slower,” he said without much concern in his voice.
“My apologies.” She hadn’t noticed it til he pointed it out, but it did seem a little harder to breathe. Perhaps it’s related to her discomfort in her chest?
5:24 am
After the laps were done they went inside together and were greeted by Lesser Lord Kusanali. Sara began to brew tea and cook while Nahida and Wanderer discussed his academic life.
Giving Nahida and the Wanderer their servings, Sara sat down next to Nahida and began eating herself. Another thing that differs from her current life compared to her life in Inazuma, she used to always eat alone but now she can’t imagine eating without one of them present.
Maybe she was being careless since she began choking on her food which earned her being called a fool by Wanderer as he got up to leave. Nahida handed her a napkin which she took gratefully, spitting out her half-chewed food into it. Thanking Kusanali as she folded it slightly and got up to throw it away. Not noticing the few white petals in the napkin along with the mushy rice.
12:11 pm
The smell of the forest and the sound of an arrow being set off will always be familiar to her. She didn’t mind her onlookers, the Aranara were peaceful and more playful than troublesome. And their interactions with her and the Wanderer always made her heart warm. Though it tended to feel that way every time he was around.
And every time she thought of him, or saw him from a distance. Like now, her heart was slightly faster seeing him entertain the Aranara. Faster than usual even…it hurt. Her throat felt scratchy as she started coughing again dropping her arrow to cover her mouth.
“Are you getting sick? You’re completely off today.” He stood up and began walking to her.
She shook her head as she swallowed back whatever was trying to come out, something which disgusted her thinking about it now after swallowing. “I’m fine now”
He looked at her with suspicion as she bent down to get her arrow. “Are you sure?” She looks into his eyes as she nods. Not the best response but he figured he’d be able to tell right away if something more serious came up. Even if he complains a little, deep down he wouldn’t mind taking care of her if she got sick.
2:47 am
She doesn’t dream very often but tonight she did. A simple dream, but one that seems like it could never happen. Her shoulder had some weight on it and her hand was being held firmly. Looking down it was Wanderer’s head resting on her shoulder and his hand in hers, a perfect fit. They were on top of a mountain looking down at the water. Some dendrobium orchids were surrounding them. Wanderer lifted his head looking at her, making her heart race and her face feel hot. His mouth moved but, she couldn’t hear. She was about to ask him what he said when she spat out flowers, the same orchids that were around them. She looked up in fear as she saw his figure distant and growing smaller as flowers spilled out her mouth leaving her unable to breathe.
She woke up gasping and coughing worse than the whole day. Coughing into her hand she tried to remember what her dream had meant. Opening her eyes and looking at her hand with wide eyes she sees flower petals from the flowers in her dream. White, pink, and blue petals all stained red with her blood. Maybe this is just another part of her dream. It has to be…but it was all too painful for it to be one. Should she tell Nahida? Go to a doctor? Tell the Wanderer? Thinking about him and the dream she had a few moments ago, she started coughing violently once again. She’ll go straight to Avidya Forest and search for Tighnari, hoping the forest watcher will know something.
5:03 am
Waking up due to coughing once again she was a bit more annoyed since it was two minutes before 5:05. She hoped that skipping out on eating with Nahida and Wanderer would be the only change in her morning routine. She grabs a few tissues just in case she needs to cough up more flowers along the way. Going outside and taking her deep breaths, she was cut off by more coughing and spitting out flower petals.
“You’re here earlier than usual and now you’re coughing again like you did yesterday?” The Wanderer went down next to her as she looked up holding the bloody tissue with a full flower in it this time. He noticed the blood first making his eyes go wide, the flower was what really stumped him.
“I’m going to visit Forest Ranger Tighnari to see if he knows what's wrong.” Wiping away the blood from her mouth with her eyes closed. She can’t be too hopeful though, you’d think an illness that makes you cough up flowers would be more well-known.
He was quiet while processing what was happening. Sara, sickness, blood, flowers, flower petals, blood, severe illness, weaker, weakened, death, abandonment.
Without much thought, he grabbed her and went quickly inside. She was about to protest but started coughing again. He searched for Kusanali and when he saw her, he put Sara down and moved her hand out of the way of her mouth letting the blood and flowers fall down.
When Nahida saw, her eyes went wide and were full of worry. Sara felt embarrassed for this being the way Nahida found out, and guilty since she didn’t want to trouble her until she was sure that only Nahida could help her. Yet she was taken aback for she had never seen anything like this before.
“When did this start?”
“A day ago as I woke up I felt a mild pain in my chest, then at around 2:50 am I woke up coughing. I had a dream I was coughing up flowers earlier as well.”
As Nahida and Sara talked, Wanderer stood close by listening through it all. He was upset that he didn’t notice anything sooner. Even more upset at the fact that Nahida and him were practically useless to help her.
A month later…
Nothing. That’s what they were able to do for Sara and that’s what she ended up feeling like; now bedridden and coughing up bouquets of flowers every other hour. The only comfort she had was the Wanderer staying in her room doing his studies and holding her hands. ‘Don’t you dare die this early, I won’t forgive you if you do.’ While the words seemed harsh, they made her happy to know how much he cared.
Nahida walked in, no, burst in. She had a small book in her hands as she ran up to Sara’s bed.
“Who are you in love with?” A question catching Wanderer and Sara off guard. “The disease is called ‘Hanahaki’, if your love it requited then the plant in your heart will die-”
She was cut off as the Wanderer took the book looking through the pages with anger in his eyes.
“This is a fictional book from Inazuma!” He threw the book to the side furiously.
“It’s a fictional story but the Hanahaki sickness fits what’s happening to Sara nearly perfectly.” He walked over, picked up the book again, and read through the back carefully.
“A disease in which someone loves another so deeply a flower grows in their lungs because it’s unrequited…surprised it didn’t happen to her sooner.” A jab at her former life devoted to the shogun.
But her feelings for the shogun weren’t love she can tell that much. What she felt for the shogun was gratitude based on false beliefs, loyalty that was taught to her, ingrained into her mind as a child, and respect because she believed she could do no wrong. That wasn’t love, it was a lie. Love…what did it mean to be in love?
The voices of Nahida and Wanderer talking were blurry as she wondered this. Were their rules to it? Shouldn’t she have noticed it by now? If it’s causing her this much pain was it even worth it? She remembers Wanderer’s beliefs on love and wonders if her situation would add to his feelings. After all, she loves someone to the point it’s killing her. Definitely not a very positive thing about love.
Thinking about what it means to love is getting her nowhere so she goes over her options of people she can love. Most of those she’d love are more platonic or at the very least not serious enough for a plant to grow inside her body. She loves and admires Nahida but in an archon way with no romantic thoughts whatsoever.
It’s the same for Wanderer, or it should be. He respected her, she respected him. They train together, they spend a lot of time together. She did think he was beautiful but that was due to her shogun phase. No, she still thinks he’s beautiful, but that’s just a common thought anyone with a pair of functioning eyes can agree. It wasn’t just his face though…his voice and demeanor seemed beautiful to her. He was nice to her, even if she knew he wasn’t the best person, he’s always been truthful to her. One of the many things she loves- oh… oh….
‘I love him…I’m in love with him…’
Looking back to Nahida and Wanderer she opens her mouth and weakly says. “I love him.” They look towards her in shock, and Wanderer clenches his fist in frustration.
“Even after he puts you through this?” Right, she didn’t say it was him. She opens her mouth to clarify who she means but ends up coughing more flowers out. “You’re a fool for falling in love and he’s an even greater fool for not loving you back!”
She shakes her head trying to speak through the flowers suffocating her.
“Wanderer, she loves you” They both turn to Nahida who had her hands up to read Sara’s mind. He looked back at Sara who was covering her mouth as tears from the pain streamed down her face. She was able to nod to confirm what Nahida said. Leaving Wanderer to process too much information once again.
Sara loved someone and believed her love was one-sided. This led her to develop a disease that was completely unheard of except in a fictional love story and in the heat of his frustration he called her and the person she loved foolish for not loving her back. But her beloved ended up being him, he called himself foolish…he was but not for the reason he said so earlier. But he was foolish for not saying this sooner,
“I love you too…” After the words left his mouth Sara couldn’t hold back anymore. She coughed out what felt like he last breath as several leaves, petals, and flowers left her mouth. However, this time they were wilted. Her chest felt more free and she felt some hands hold her firmly. Looking up into the eyes of the Wanderer who thought she was dying right as he confessed his reciprocated feelings. She was breathing, she wasn’t coughing, she didn’t look like she was in pain. She’s going to live.
She’s going to live…