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Strik Pakstoka

Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Notes:

This chapter was difficult for me. I really struggled with it. While Clarke's trauma is not mine, there are a lot of elements the ring true with me. Especially her emotional responses and tendency to distance herself. I think this is why stories like these resonate so strongly with me. I will list some of my personal favorites in my ending notes.

TRIGGER WARNING: While it doesn't go in depth there are mentions of abuse, torture, and rape in this chapter. Please know you boundaries and feel free to send me a message if you would like a synopsis. I have placed a trigger warning at the beginning and end of this section of the chapter. Please read wisely.

As always thank you so much for reading, commenting, and your kudos. They mean everything to me.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Clarke stood in her place behind the throne and listened to the ambassadors argue. For six weeks now she had stood behind Lexa at every meeting, trade negotiation, arbitration, and strategy session. 

"No one knows what they want!" the ambassador from Trishanakru (Glowing Forest Clan) shouted. His people had suffered another raid from Skaikru.

"Omegas." Clarke answered. Every head whipped to look at her in shock, including Lexa's, although Heda's face was as impassive as ever. It was the first time she had spoken in council. Clarke ignored them all and looked at Wells. "You said all of the omegas and more than two thirds of the betas have left to join Skiagraunkru." (the Sky and Ground Clan)

"Yes, as well as a small number of alphas." Wells replied. 

At his words Clarke turned to look at Lexa. "They have too many alphas, Heda. They look to capture slaves to keep their people under control."

"Options, Seken?" Lexa asked as if she already knew the answers. She probably did.

Clarke stepped off the dais and looked over the model on the table even though she already knew it better than the back of her own hand. "Four that I see, Seda. Option one, do nothing. Let them keep making their raids and kill them off as they do. Option two, war. March our armies in and wipe them from the earth. Option three, negotiate. Attempt to reach a peaceful settlement with them. Option four, full blockade. No body in or out of their territory."

"And your preference, Seken?" Lexa's tone was faintly amused as the collected ambassadors stared at the omega as if she'd sprouted wings.

Clarke's fingers traced a circle around the mountain. "Blockade, Seda. This option best protects our people while still leaving the options of war or negotiation open as the situation develops." Her lips quirked slightly in answer to Lexa's amusement as she returned to her place behind the throne.

Arguments broke out among the various ambassadors as details were ironed out. Finally, it was decided a third of each clan's army except the newest clan, Skiagraunkru (Sky and Ground Clan) and Floukru (Boat People) would enforce the blockade. Another third would be held nearby in reserve if it came to war. The blockade would stand for a month, then delegates from Skiagraunkru would be sent in to see if negotiations were possible. If so, Floukru would be the mediators. 

***

Lexa swallowed her nerves as she followed Clarke into Anya and Raven's home. Clarke had invited her to the weekly gathering that the omegas had started having shortly after the day Raven had burst into Lexa's quarters to confront Clarke. 

"Hold'em." Clarke called as she tossed the deck of cards down. Her eyes scanned over the group as her omegas all groaned. She smiled at the way the group had grown. Murphy cuddled against his mate Emori, her hand playing with his still shaggy hair. Raven was throwing popcorn at Anya as she threatened to blow up Jasper's bar. Monty sneaked a kiss from the pretty beta, Harper, he'd started dating recently. Fox and Emily were busy setting out snacks while the family that had taken them in chatted with Charlotte and the elderly omega that had practically adopted the young girl.  Lexa looked slightly perplexed as Octavia and Lincoln who were in Polis visiting, tried to explain the principles and rules of the game.

Two hours later. "Raise." Lexa pushed a small stack of chips forward; she couldn't help smirking slightly as she watched her seken's brow furrow. 

The omega had drank more of Jasper's newest moonshine than she was accustomed to and was finding it hard to concentrate. Heda was proving to be a difficult opponent, catching on to the concept of the game quickly. "Fold." She ignored the alphas challenge and laid down her own cards. She had a substantial lead, and other than Lexa nobody else was even close. It was her turn to smirk as Raven grumbled. "This is bullskrish." She slurred after calling the raise and losing to the alpha's pocket queens.

"That was fun." Clarke didn't notice Lexa gripping her elbow to keep her from wobbling as they walked back to the tower. 

"It was." Lexa replied as she smiled at the omega. She'd never seen this side of Clarke. Playful, teasing, and surprisingly competitive. Clarke had been ruthless as they played, aggressively dominating the game and refusing to back down. She was more used to Clarke's wary watchfulness. Other than that first sparring session the omega usually took a more defensive stance, biding her time and waiting to attack when she could predict what her opponent would do. Clarke stumbled as the lift started to rise and Lexa's arm went around her waist to keep her from falling.

"Hmmm, you smell nice." Clarke purred as she cuddled into the alpha's warmth.

Lexa's brows shot up in surprise. "You're drunk, Clarke."

The omega thought for a moment then nodded "Yep." She agreed readily. "But you still smell nice."

Lexa just shook her head in amusement as her seken stumbled to her bed and burrowed into the furs without changing her clothes. She shook her head as she removed the omega's boots and tucked her in. Her seken was going to regret the overindulgence in the morning.

***
******TRIGGER WARNING*****


Wells waited as the rest of the ambassadors filed out of the council room. "Clarke, a moment please." He requested. 

Lexa looked at the omega, then turned and left with Titus as she nodded slightly. Lexa hadn't been able to go further than the hall and she knew her instincts were correct as Wells paused once more as he left the throne room. "I'm sorry, Clarke." His voice was filled with pain and sorrow. She watched him leave from where she leaned against the wall and waited for Clarke. 

Blue eyes were raw in an ashen face as she met Lexa's gaze. "We need to talk." 

Lexa sat on the couch in their rooms and watched Clarke pace back and forth in front of her. "Clarke, what is it?" Worry was starting to settle in her gut.

Clarke whirled and faced her. "You didn't tell me Abby Griffin and Charles Pike were in charge at Skaikru." The omega's voice was accusatory.

Lexa's brow furrowed in confusion. "I thought you knew." She still didn't understand.

Clarke froze. "You don't know, do you?" She stared at the alpha.

"Know what, Clarke? What is this about?" Lexa was completely perplexed by the omega's actions.

Clarke drew in a deep breath. "Abby Griffin is my mother. More than half the scars on my body come from her and her damn experiments. Charles Pike is the one who ordered and participated in the rapes during my time in solitary. Thelonius Jaha and Diana Sydney are the ones who ordered the execution of my father. Shumway, commander of the Ark guard carried it out." Clarke was shaking as she finally voiced the worst of the horrors of her past.

Lexa froze as blinding fury tore through her. Bloody thoughts of vengeance and mayhem whirled through her brain as she voiced a vicious snarl. A pained whine brought her back to her senses and her eyes snapped to Clarke. The omega was on her knees, her throat bared in submission. "Oh gods Clarke." She choked as she cut off the flow of pheromones. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I never meant to do that to you." She started to reach for the omega, then froze, not wanting to make things worse.

" 's ok." Clarke swallowed and reached for the offered hand up. "I surprised you. I shouldn't have blurted it out like that."

Carefully Lexa drew the omega into a gentle embrace. "Shhh." She tried to soothe the omega and herself at the same time as she held on to the shaking blonde. "You did nothing wrong." She had no idea how long they stood there wrapped in each other's arms, each drawing comfort from the other. 

Clarke burrowed into the alphas embrace. "Wells was worried about how I would react to seeing them. He didn't realize I didn't know. I should have known. If I'd thought about it I would have realized but I just kept looking at it all like a training exercise. Like the battles and wars we've talked about during lessons." Clarke was babbling and she knew she should step back, but she couldn't. Lexa had become something of a safe harbor for her and she desperately needed that just now. 

Lexa pulled Clarke down onto the couch and just held her, listening, as the omega buried her nose against the alphas throat as she broke and finally started talking about her life on the Ark. Her hands traced soothing gentle patterns on the omegas back as she brutally locked down her own emotions.

"I think I was five the first time Abby decided to operate without anesthesia. My arm had been broken by an alpha when I didn't move out of his way fast enough." Clarkes voice was toneless, reciting the events as if it was a story she'd heard, not her life. Describing public beatings with shock sticks for little or no reason and endless insane medical experiments. "At first solitary was almost nice. Sure, I was cold, so very cold, and lonely and hungry, god at times I was so hungry, but no one was cutting me open to see why my blood was different and what it meant or beating me just to see me bleed. Then Pike and Shumway came in." Her voice hitched for the first time. Lexa purred and pulled the omega tighter against her, even as her soul howled. "I fought at first. I swear I did but as the days blurred together it became too much. I just shut down, quit reacting. They didn't come as often after that. It wasn't as much fun when I didn't fight."

******END TRIGGER WARNING******

 

Lexa never spoke a word, just kept drawing those oh so gentle patterns on Clarke's back until the omega dropped into an exhausted slumber. Once she was sure the omega would stay asleep, she carefully carried her to the alpha's large bed and tucked her into it, pulling the furs snugly around her. She went to the door and ordered a guard to find Anya, gather the omegas that came with Clarke and bring them here, now!  The guards looked at each other as the door shut softly. One took off at a run to find the alpha and requested omegas. They'd never seen Heda with that particular look in her eyes.

Lexa stood in silence as they all filed into the room. The omegas froze as they took her in. She tipped her head towards the bed chamber, and they filed past her without a word. Raven paused and met her eyes. "She told you." Lexa nodded once. "I want my pound of flesh before its done. I have lots of ways to make them go boom." The brunette omega growled. Lexa just nodded once more. "Good." She went and joined her family curled upon the bed around Clarke. Lexa stalked out of the room motioning Anya to follow.

"Lexa?" Anya questioned hesitantly. "You're starting to worry me." Lexa's face was feral with rage as she spun to face the other alpha as they entered the throne room, red flames seemed to flicker in the depths of her green eyes. Anya froze and carefully bared her neck. Lexa was hanging onto her control by a thread.

"I want to kill them all." Lexa growled. "Slaughter them like cattle and bathe in their blood." She paced furiously around the room, her rage building until it choked her. "String them up in the trees by their entrails and peel the skin from their bodies one inch at a time." She continued to rant, describing in detail the tortures she would enjoy inflicting.

Anya had never seen Lexa like this. "You love her." Her voice was soft.

Lexa dropped to her knees and howled. Guards rushed into the room and Anya curtly motioned them out. The wild rage drained away and Lexa dropped her head in despair. "Em's ai tombom-houmon." (She's my hearts-spouse/true mate) She whispered brokenly. 

Anya's eyes widened. "How long have you known?" 

"Since she first woke in Nyko's tent. I saw her eyes and just knew." Lexa had her head in her hands as she sat on the edge of the dais.

After a while Anya sat on the edge of the dais next to Lexa. "It was hard when Raven told me some of her past." She confessed. "I wanted to ride out and challenge each one to solo gonplei." (single combat) "But that won't change what's already happened. It might make me feel better, but it wouldn't do anything for Raven."

"What did you do instead?" Lexa asked.

"Went out and got drunk." Anya smirked a little. "Then decided that I was going to smother Raven with so much care and attention she'd never want for anything again." 

Lexa huffed. "How'd that work out?"

Anya laughed full out. "She threatened to blow my ass up." Lexa laughed weakly. "Raven said she didn't tell me to change how I treated her. She told me so that I could understand. She said she didn't need me to avenge her, a life lived her way was her revenge. Then she took me to her bed." Anya smiled softly in wonder. "That little spitfire is one of the strongest people I've ever met. Clarke helped make her that." Lexa nodded slowly. "I figure that makes Clarke pretty damn strong too. She doesn't need you to wreak vengeance for her, just maybe hold her coat as she wrecks her own vengeance, in her own way."

Lexa looked at her former mentor for a moment. "How'd you get so smart?" She quipped.

"These completely crazy omegas fell from the stars and turned my life upside down." Anya quipped back.

Lexa looked at the pile of sleepy omegas in her bed. Somehow, they'd all wormed their way past her defenses. Each one was special to her in their own way. She smiled at the pallets full of her people who all slept near the bed, guarding the omegas tangled together above them.

A week had passed since Clarke's confession. Nothing had changed, but somehow everything had changed. Her nightmares had gotten worse, but Lexa had simply taken the omega into her own bed, holding her and offering silent comfort. Neither of them said a thing about this particular change in their relationship. They just laid in the bed, Clarkes head tucked into Lexa's neck as the alpha trailed gentle fingers up and down her spine until both could fall asleep.

Notes:

If any of you have thoughts or suggestions on how you would like to see Abby and Co dealt with please feel free to share. There are certain parts I am still wrestling with in that section and welcome fresh viewpoints.

A few of my favorite trauma centric stories are:
You Will Be Happy Tomorow by Minx4572
Opkepa Rattop Hedplei by 823y4hf8ew
and Fragile by inlovewithclexabye

These are only a few of my favorites but I highly recommend all of them.

Notes:

I'm not completely sure where I want to go with this so if you have ideas/suggestions I would love to hear them!