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Shadowheart retired to her tent for the evening, tucking in and lighting the incense for her nightly prayer. Despite the loss of Shar’s favor, she found herself still spending her nights on her knees, praying to… someone. Whoever was listening, she supposed. It was a source of bitter comfort, a way to cope with the uncertainty that filled her mind. Some nights she prayed to be reassured, others she begged for forgiveness, to repent for all she had done. On occasion, she gave prayers of gratitude. There were a number of things she felt it necessary to be thankful for, given the circumstances. Shelter, food (just fresh enough to be edible), Gale’s preparation of said food, even just the bare minimum of her own survival.
And Tav.
Tav, who had placed themselves in danger to save her more times than she could count.
Tav, who always seemed to have her back with a quick spell and a quicker tongue.
Tav, who had somehow led this ragtag band of fools far enough to kill a god .
It still surprised her how quickly she had fallen for them. She knew the harrowing events of the past few weeks played a large part, but she couldn’t quite place when it started. Was it when Tav had first freed her from her pod? Was it the first time she saw the wild magic emanating from their left eye, bathing their face in soft blue light? Was it the first night they camped together, when Shadowheart had caught a glimpse of Tav’s bare form, a sight that had haunted her every night since? Or was it at the party they threw after freeing the Emerald Grove?
Every time she remembered the kiss they had shared above the waterfall she felt the ache of regret. She wanted more that night, and thought Tav felt the same - and yet, for some reason (adherence to Shar’s teachings, perhaps? Or fear, if she was to be honest) she broke away, leaving nought but a memory of their lips and an ache between her legs.
She gave a small, defeated sigh. For the last few nights her prayers had ended the same way - lying in her tent with a head full of Tav and a stomach full of a roiling, uncomfortable heat. She felt sick, almost. She was almost certain Tav wanted her too, but there was a leaden seed of doubt settled somewhere in the back of her mind preventing her from approaching them. She was used to doubt, of course - it was once one of her most efficient tools as a disciple of the Nightsinger - but this was different. She was a deft hand at sowing and assuaging doubt and fear in the minds of others, but her own? She felt lost. Shar did not teach her disciples how to deal with their emotions beyond simply removing them. So she lay, as she had the night before, and the night before that, and the night before that, and wished for some way to know for certain if Tav shared her feelings.
Well, there was one way. But it wasn’t an option she was particularly fond of.
She had tried to ignore the tadpole up until now. On occasion she felt it squirm, wriggle its appendages slightly deeper into her gray matter, making her want to vomit. Beyond the occasional forced connection with other infected, she had never attempted to make use of its abilities, and thinking about using it for this of all things filled her with a deep seated shame. She dropped back in her bedroll with a grimace. Was she really considering risking ceremorphosis for something so petty as a crush (was it just a crush? Everything about Tav felt tangled, confusing)? Beyond that, use it to spy on one of the few people she trusted. Would she really risk her friendship with Tav for this? Surely it would be easier to simply talk to them - take the twenty or so steps from her tent to theirs and ask the question burning a hole in her heart and loins. Even if they declined her, they would surely take it better than if she were caught infiltrating their thoughts. It was, objectively, the safest option. For a moment, she even moved to stand, filled with a sudden burst of resolve. But as the impulse wore off, the familiar snake of anxiety curled its way back into her chest, slowly crushing her confidence until she collapsed back on her bedroll. Something about the thought of speaking to Tav, being open with them, filled her with an undefinable dread. Why was she such a damned coward? She could face an army of malevolent shadows, she could sneak past monsters four times her size, hells she could even handle talking to Astarion without breaking a sweat, yet some woman with a stupid hat and a propensity for turning people into animals comes along and crushes her reasonable bits into dust.
Maybe the Mother Superior was right , whispered a voice in the back of her head. You’re too weak for this, it said. You were never destined to serve the Dark Lady - some girl comes along and suddenly you abandon everything you were taught because they said so. You’re pathetic. The thoughts grew louder, larger, threatening to fill the tent with a dark fog of self-doubt. How can you hope to serve Shar if you can’t even save yourself?
A rustling outside her tent snapped her out of her trance. She hoped for a moment that it was Tav, making a late night round to check on the party and give her an easy way out of her dilemma. But the lightness of those steps meant it couldn’t be. Most likely it was Astarion then, on his way to find some poor beast to snack on. His timing was usually rather poor, but for once she was thankful for it.
The rogue’s steps faded into the night, and her thoughts returned to Tav. She needed to know. She couldn’t take the hunger anymore, consequences be damned. She needed to reach into their mind, as guilty as it made her feel. She was tired of living in the dark. Shar was all about secrets, privacy; but she was no longer a Sharran. This would be a step into her new life - away from the unknowns she was used to and into the light of certainty. Not the soundest of reasoning, but convincing enough to coerce her to give it a shot.
Of course, first came the matter of actually figuring out how to use the tadpole. When she thought about it she could feel it wriggling, almost as if it were excited to be put to work. She tried to urge it to focus on Tav - to commune with the worm inside their head. Nothing. She grumbled, visualizing herself wrapping her thoughts around the tadpole and directing it to do her will. Still nothing. Stifling the urge to cry out in frustration, she instead sat up and focused all of her attention on thoughts of Tav. She thought of their eyes, mismatched and with magic flowing across their face like a living brand. She thought of their nose, how it scrunched up whenever they cast a particularly complex spell. She thought of their lips, dry and chapped from traveling and yet so alluring, tasting strangely of-
With a jolt she felt her thoughts… elongate, stretching farther and farther from her mind and into the tiefling’s, accompanied by that (unfortunately) familiar pounding in her skull that came whenever her tadpole made a connection. She felt herself inside Tav’s mind, felt a sudden burst of… something. She cautiously pushed deeper, trying her best to remain subtle but needing desperately to learn what she came here to find out-
A rather vivid image was thrust into her mind’s eye. It took a moment to adjust to the feeling; once she did, she realized she was seeing herself from the outside - and oh gods she was naked and tied up and Tav’s fingers were tracing slowly down her stomach towards…
She gasped, all caution usurped by shock.. and then lust . Her cheeks flushed a deep pink, embarrassed at how much one image could rile her up. The heat in her core flared again, so brightly Tav could probably feel it through their link.
Oh gods, what if Tav felt it?
Fear pooled deep in her gut, mixing with arousal to create a sensation that was far less unpleasant than she expected. She scrambled instinctually to sever the connection, certain that she’d made a terrible mistake. Before she could untangle the tadpole from Tav’s thoughts, she heard another voice in her head: theirs.
Hey there, little flower.
She swallowed thickly. The air in the tent suddenly felt heavier than normal.
A little lost for words, are we?
She didn’t need to say a word. Tav knew exactly what she was feeling. They were just toying with her - using that tone that always left her weak at the knees, left her wanting just once to hear her say-
I can hear you, you know.
A rush of embarrassment filled her mind, penetrated by a laugh, sharp yet warm. It was a strange feeling, to feel their laugh in her head; but not necessarily an unpleasant one. Tav paused, as though they were probing something - their mind or hers, she wasn't sure.
A little worked up, are we?
Hers, then. Shadowheart bit her lip, embarrassment overtaken by lust as she recalled the vision Tav had unknowingly shared with her. Evidently Tav felt it too, if their soft chuckle was anything to go by.
Well, you aren’t the only one. Want me to show you?
Yes, she thought, the thought of Tav thinking of her making her mouth dry. Before she could think to project her assent to Tav they had already sensed it - their need hit her like a mace, overwhelming, the intensity of two minds’ worth of arousal causing her to double over. The moan she let out would probably have awoken everyone in camp had she not managed to muffle it with her forearm, biting into the skin with such force that it risked drawing blood. She felt Tav’s mirth (and excitement) through the link.
If only you knew what I’m doing right now…
The implication made Shadowheart’s face feel hot.
In fact, I’ll show you.
Suddenly she was Tav, leaning against the pole of their tent with one hand over their mouth and the other hand circling their clit. She moaned softly as Tav penetrated themselves, and whimpered at the slick soaking her undergarments as she returned to her own body. She squeezed her eyes shut, shifting slightly. Tav, seemingly much more practiced at reading thoughts, noticed.
No point being shy now. Join me?
She could sense that it really was an open invitation - Tav wanted her to join them, but there was no coercion, no pressure behind the request. But as much as she wanted, needed to walk over to Tav’s tent, there was still doubt, a tinge of fear. Enough to keep her firmly in her own bedroll, to what she expected to be Tav’s dismay. But to her surprise, the feeling she received back wasn’t disappointment, but simply acceptance with just the slightest touch of sadness, hidden so well that she almost couldn’t sense it.
As you wish. Good night, Shadowheart. Sleep well.
She felt the connection start to slip, and panic filled her. She didn’t want Tav out of her head, but she also wasn’t ready to bridge the gap between them. And besides, her nightclothes were already ruined, and there was no way she would be able to sleep in her current condition.
Well…
Shadowheart felt Tav pick up the link once again and perked up, completely unable to mask her excitement. She could feel that gorgeous laugh in her mind again, before she felt their voice.
If you’re not quite ready for this night to end…
The anticipation was sharp enough to kill.
You’ve seen my thoughts. I think it’s only fair that you show me yours.
She swallowed thickly. Receiving Tav’s fantasies was one thing, but sharing her own? She felt the snake slip its way back down her throat, despite her best efforts to keep it away. Tav, ever perceptive, seemed to send her feelings of reassurance along with the standard dose of arousal, loosening the knot of apprehension in her chest. Tentatively, she began to imagine one of her recurring fantasies that always found her after her prayers, only for Tav’s presence to cut her off.
Tell you what. Let’s play a little game. You aren’t touching yourself right now, right?
Shadowheart didn’t answer. Tav already knew.
Here’s how it works. You touch yourself with me - slowly, of course, I’d prefer this to last a while - and we take turns sharing our fantasies with each other. First person to finish loses, and the winner gets to try one of their fantasies on the loser.
…if the loser agrees, of course.
Shadowheart swallows thickly, trailing her hand down her chest towards her soaked core. If she listened carefully she could hear the rustling of cloth from what she assumed was Tav’s tent - the sound somehow winding her up even more than she thought was possible. She felt hot all over - like her body was about to burst into flames.
She imagined Tav above her, looking down at her with a potent mix of affection and excitement; one hand running softly through her hair, the other tracing slow circles around her clit. She thought of them whispering quietly into her ear as they slipped inside her. She imagined them kissing her fiercely as she came, swallowing her moans with a smile. Tav’s voice was gentle but firm as the vision faded.
Is that all? I know you think about me - I’ve heard you whimper my name while I’m on watch.
With a gulp and a stifled whimper she thought about Tav standing outside her tent as she touched herself, about them listening to her writhing in her bedroll, hearing even the faintest noises she tried to stifle. The thought was embarrassing and exciting in equal measure. It was true - there was more, more than she could count. The near-month of travelling since their shared kiss had given her a laundry list of things she wanted Tav to do to her - she just had to find the confidence to share them.
Want to try again?
Shadowheart fought to steady her breathing, preparing to project her desires for Tav again. She thought of herself, bound and blindfolded, helpless as Tav held her on the edge of an orgasm. With a whine she imagined them leaving the room, telling her to be a good girl until they get back - leaving her vulnerable, exposed to the cold night air for anyone to walk in and see her, see her and know that she was Tav’s and Tav’s only. She thought about Tav returning to see her rutting wildly against a pillow, desperate for friction against her neglected clit. She imagined them reprimanding her in that low, intimidating voice they used, telling her that they thought she was better than this, that she could do as she was told and wait for them to help her. She could feel Tav’s excitement at the thought, amplifying her own in turn. Her hand began to work faster, tighter around her clit.
Oh my, seems my little flower has an adventurous side!
Shadowheart smiled in spite of herself. As embarrassing as it was, it felt good to finally share the thoughts that had been burning in the back of her mind whenever she looked at Tav. She closed her eyes and exhaled heavily as Tav began to project into her mind. It felt different from the last vision she saw - more sensual, more intense; less of a scene and more of a rush of sensations. it felt as though she were in the scene as opposed to simply observing.
You feel their hands running down your body, slowly taking in every inch of you. The ropes lay in a pile, the blindfold forgotten. “You did so good for me today,” they whisper. You whimper as you feel Tav’s hand finally slip between your thighs, touching tenderly where you’ve been ignored for so long. “And I know you’re not quite done yet, so…” your hips buck upwards as a single, slender finger slips into you. “I’m going to polish you off.”
Shadowheart gasped as she penetrated herself, mirroring the vision. Her heart pounded in her chest. For all their teasing words, Tav’s fantasies were so gentle, so… loving ; their touches always soft and slow, their words always kind. It wasn’t what she expected, and she honestly couldn’t tell if it was what she wanted. She never expected Tav to turn her wild fantasies into something so sweet.
It was something she could definitely work with, though.
She imagined herself, spread upon a mattress, biting her lip as her fingers slowly worked her entrance. Tav sat above her hips, tail wrapped gently around her thigh as they placed kisses and nips on every inch of exposed skin, working their way slowly south - from her forehead down to her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, her breasts… loving her, worshipping her as though she were a deity herself instead of a mere servant of one.
Gods, you really know how to get me going, huh?
She feels their desire for her like it’s a force - like gravity has shifted in such a way for them to fall directly towards her.
Tav is on top of you and you’re being kissed fiercely, their tongue exploring your mouth as though to memorize its every detail. Tav breaks away to place their mouth over your breasts - their tail slips into your mouth, stifling your groans as their rough tongue roams slowly over your nipple and their hands run through your hair.
Shadowheart felt insane. Even when they tried to be rough they were still kind, almost painfully so. Even so, just the thought of Tav’s mouth on her body felt like enough to break her into a million pieces.
Suddenly, you’re being touched by a second pair of hands - hands that are hotter, faster, rougher than Tav’s. You open your eyes and see Tav, then look down and see Karlach, trailing her fingers down to your dripping slit-
A wave of discomfort shot through her, slicing through the thick shroud of arousal blanketing her mind and causing her to pause in her ministrations.
She didn’t want this. She wanted Tav.
The vision faded abruptly, and she felt Tav sending her warmth, almost like a mental hug.
Shit, I’m sorry. That was just an idea I thought was fun. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.
Her lip quivered and she bit it to steady herself. Was that how Tav saw her? Just another person to touch, one toy among many?
No. Never. The only person I want is you, Shadowheart. Can I try again? Let me show you.
The biggest advantage of tadpole communication was being able to tell if someone’s lying - and there was an almost painful sincerity in Tav’s thoughts. She knew with certainty that Tav was being truthful - they wanted her, and only her. Karlach was simply an aide, another way for Tav to show her affection by making her feel even better than they could alone. Shadowheart took a moment to collect herself before responding. “Yes, it’s alright. I… I want to see.” She spoke quietly into the darkness of her tent, knowing Tav would hear her anyways. She returned her hand to her core as Tav responded.
Thank you.
The next vision hit with such vivid intensity that she gasped.
You’re lying back on an ornate desk, waiting with bated breath as Tav faces away, clearly preparing some sort of spell. Your throat dries as they turn, revealing a truly daunting strap-on shimmering with blue-green sparks. Tav takes a moment to align with your entrance, kissing you passionately as they slide in gently, making you gasp as you adjust to the size of it.
Shadowheart squeezed her eyes shut and moaned as she pressed her fingers back into her hole - three at once, simulating the stretch she was feeling from the vision.
You tell them you’re ready and they begin thrusting, rendering you a writhing mess within minutes. You grind down on their length, growing louder as they increase their tempo, grabbing you by your braid as one hand ghosts over your clit and you feel yourself beginning to-
Shadowheart shot up, panting madly, realizing that not only had she almost lost the game, but she nearly dropped the link as well. The knot in her stomach felt so tight it seemed as though it would break her in half. The game barely mattered to her anymore, she just needed to cum before the tension turned her thoughts entirely to mush. She began to grind desperately against her palm, fingers working at a frenetic pace.
Hey, you still with me? Did I win?
She moaned, and quickly tried to distract Tav with some thoughts of her own before they could tease her further.
She felt scattered, her thoughts hard to grasp - her rising climax making it harder to distinguish what was real and what was imaginary, what was hers and what was Tav’s. She felt Tav’s hand (or was it her own?) sliding between her legs, reaching into a place even Shar couldn’t touch. She saw herself on her knees beneath Tav, feeling as though she finally had something worth worshipping. She felt the tiefling’s claws gripping her back, the pain more thrilling than anything her Lady could ever give her - a pain born from actual love, not the false affection that the Sharrans preached. She could hear, no, sense Tav’s moans, or maybe they were her own - at this point it was hard to tell.
Shit, my turn again…
Tav seemed louder in her head, more urgent. Shadowheart waited for the next set of visions to hit, but nothing came.
This one is-
She sensed them breathing deeply, attempting to ground themselves through the disorienting effect of their mounting pleasure.
I don’t really have a vision to share.
Their thoughts were suddenly frantic, rushed, as though they were trying to get them out as fast as possible.
One of my greatest desires has always been… this. Touching myself with you.
Sharing my fantasies with you. I- fuck, Shadowheart, I can’t-
Their presence in her mind faltered just a hair before a wave, nay, a tsunami of pleasure hit her - far more intense than the others, and enough to send her over the edge entirely. She felt the tension that had been torturously building snap in an instant, turning the edges of her vision blurry and tearing a whine from her throat as she climaxes. Her body curled inwards and her thighs clamped -Tav’s pleasure mixed with hers in an overwhelming dance as they both finished, and for a moment it felt as though their minds joined; their consciousnesses a single unit in a storm of ecstasy. She couldn’t tell how long it lasted - only that it simply was, and seemed like it always would be. As she came down from the high she fell back onto her bedroll, vision fading from light to dark.
—
As she stirred from her reverie, she heard Tav’s footsteps approaching. They rustled the fabric as a form of knock, and she gave a weak noise in response.
Tav slowly stepped into the tent, rebuttoning the flap behind them and turning to see Shadowheart, curled on her side and breathing heavily upon her bedroll. They gestured to the empty space next to her, seeking permission; Shadowheart nodded weakly and shuffled over to give them room to sit.
“Hey,” they said softly.
It took her a moment to form a reply. “Hello.”
A moment of silence.
“That was… something, huh?” They laughed quietly, and Shadowheart thought it might be the most beautiful thing she could remember hearing. She rolled over to face them.
“I suppose you could say that.”
“Anyways, I just…” Tav hands knotted together in a display of uncharacteristic anxiety. A note of concern crept into their voice when they next spoke. “I lost your connection there at the end and thought you’d…” They trailed off again. “I wanted to make sure you were ok.”
Shadowheart gave what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’m fine. Nothing to worry about.”
Tav seemed to deflate with relief, giving another small chuckle. “Bit too tired to put any of those thoughts to reality, hm?”
The cleric rolled onto her back again, too exhausted to muster a full laugh and settling for a half-grin. “ You can do whatever you like, but I’m spent. Besides, the others will want us up bright and early tomorrow.”
Tav looked away, running their fingers through their hair. “True,” they muttered, pausing for a moment. “You’re beautiful, you know?”
“I do.”
Another pause, filled with uncertainty before Tav turned back to look at the woman lying next to her.
“May I touch you?”
The request took her by surprise. Slowly, she nodded, and felt Tav’s hand settle gently on her shoulder.
She couldn’t remember the last time someone had asked to touch her - it was always a shake to wake her in the morning, a hand pulling her out of the dirt during a battle, an unexpected pat on the back from an enthused companion.
A whip, from the Mother Superior.
This new, careful touch was enough to cause her to shiver.
“Is this alright?”
“...Yes. More than alright.”
“May I move my hand?”
She nearly cried at that, though she couldn’t say why. She nodded, afraid that her voice would waver if she tried to speak. She rolled over to face away from Tav as they lay down, hand sliding down to her waist. Not seductively, as she’d expected, but tentatively, as though Tav was waiting for her to flinch away. She swallowed, blinking away the unexpected tears. Tav said nothing, simply giving her time to recover herself before running a hand gently through her hair.
“Can I ask you something?” Tav spoke quietly into the silence of the tent after the moment had passed. Shadowheart gave a small noise of assent.
“What is it you were looking for inside my head, anyways?” Their tone was non-judgmental, yet Shadowheart still shifted uncomfortably as her face grew red. “I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but I am curious.”
Shadowheart took a moment to gather her courage. “I-” she coughed, more to stall than to clear her throat, “I wanted to know if you felt the same way about me that I do about you. I needed to know if what I’ve been feeling since we shared that night together is real,” the words flowed out of her like wine, now that the cork had been popped, “I was tired of living in the dark - living a life full of unknowns and secrets. But I couldn’t bear the thought of asking you directly because I’m a gods damned coward.” She tried to swallow the lump rising in her throat. “I just needed to have something certain to hold on to, even if that was a rejection! And now you’re here with me and I still don’t have the courage to ask whether this means anything to you or whether I’m just making this out to be something more than…”
She trailed off as she felt Tav’s arms wrap around her. They were nothing remarkable - not quite as toned as Shadowheart had imagined, and definitely nowhere close to Karlach or Lae'zel in strength, but they were Tav’s , and she relaxed into them.
“Shadowheart.”
She took a deep breath in, then out.
“Tav.”
“I love you.”
Shadowheart felt something bloom within her.
She had felt lust before, and something that she thought was attraction.
But this? She knew this was love.