Chapter Text
Nick stared at the spot Kevin had just been standing on with wide blue eyes. He disappeared just like that in a blink of an eye.
Howie moved past him and went inside, followed by AJ who still seemed to be panicking.
“Nick, come on!” Howie said. He heard the hidden message, though. We have to stick together.
Pushing any thoughts about Kevin to the side, Nick went inside.
“I—I broke my phone.” Nick said. “What’s Johnson’s phone number? We can use the house phone.”
AJ gasped and dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a card. “Here.”
“I’ll call him.” Howie said, taking the card. “Let’s go upstairs.”
“Kevin said Brian was fine.” AJ said softly.
“Yeah, but the dead body…?” Nick asked.
He could hear Howie talking quietly into his phone. The only thing he could make out was the address Howie was sharing and the quickest way to get there.
Nick eyed each step he took up. The carpet was stained with blood. The metallic smell filled his nostrils and made him nauseous. He so badly wanted to get out of the house and never come back in.
The first thing he noticed when they entered Brian’s room was that the dead body Kevin was talking about wasn't there. The second thing he noticed was the blood and Brian’s unconscious form.
“Oh, God…” AJ said softly, rapidly going over to him, his hands not knowing where to touch.
“Johnson should be here soon.” Howie said, “We also have an ambulance on the way.”
Nick took a step forward and stopped when he heard a squelch.
He looked down and felt even more nauseous at the sight of the blood stained carpet. The smell of it was so strong.
“His wrist…” Howie said.
Nick blinked and finally took a closer look at Brian.
“It’s just like Kevin’s.” AJ said, finally placing his hand on Brian’s forehead, wiping off the sweat.
“Where are Brian’s parents?” Howie asked, “They should’ve been here. AJ, did you see them leave?”
AJ shook his head. “It’s like I told you on the phone. They’re just gone.” He seemed to be holding back angry tears, his hand that was now running through Brian’s hair was shaking. “His mom was worried about him, I don’t think she left on her own will. Or Harold.”
“What do you mean?” Nick asked nervously.
“There was someone else. I don’t— I doubt his parents were hurt, but I bet they left because of that person.”
Nick glanced down at the carpet. It seemed even bloodier than last time, like it was spreading. He moved back a few steps, cringing at the sound it made.
“Jack.” Howie said.
“Yeah.” AJ muttered.
“Looks like we’re here again.” AJ said, staring at Brian’s unmoving form. Like last time, he was hooked up to so much shit that it made him afraid to even touch him.
He eyed the bandage around his wrist and thought about Kevin’s scar. It was definitely bigger than Kevin’s. Maybe it looked like that because his wrist was fucking tiny now.
He placed the ice pack he’d been given by one of the nurses back on his throat and sighed. “I’m so glad I don’t remember you choking me.” He said. “At least we’re even now, right?”
The most damage would be the bruising and the soreness. A part of him felt sick for feeling grateful that Brian wasn’t strong enough to cause permanent harm.
The blood surrounding Kevin’s mouth told him all he needed to know about who bit Brian. He couldn’t wait for Kevin to get here so he could ask him what the fuck he did. That is, if he ever decided to come back. It’s been hours since he left and AJ hoped it wasn’t another repeat of his disappearance. Nick was close to having some kind of nervous breakdown.
Howie managed to locate Brian’s parents after several attempted phone calls. Apparently, they felt the need to drive miles away to a market where they wandered aimlessly for hours, unable to shake themselves out of the trance they found themselves in.
Harold had been furious when he found out Brian was in the hospital again and demanded they tell them what was going on. Howie only got him to calm down by agreeing, but only if Brian chose to do so when he woke up, otherwise he wasn’t saying anything.
They were currently on their way to the hospital, occasionally calling them to ask for updates. Harold still seemed angry. He couldn’t blame him though, they’ve been patient for the past two months or so, it was bound to come crashing down one day.
Nick and Howie were in a different room talking with Johnson.
AJ looked away from Brian and focused on the window, the curtain was pulled to the side a bit, giving him a good view of the front parking lot. He could spot several reporters outside speaking to their microphones and facing cameras. Pictures were being taken of the hospital and AJ could already see the conspiracy theories that were going to spread online.
With just a week and a half until the tour was set to resume, he was sure this was going to be a hot topic.
A van pulled up to the entrance and the reporters flooded towards it like moths to a flame, banging on the windows with their microphones and their mouths moving rapidly.
AJ frowned and then gasped when he saw Kevin step out of the passenger side. It seemed like he’d taken a shower and changed into clean clothes. AJ could still remember how he looked drenched in blood.
Kevin paused in front of a reporter who had shoved a microphone into his face. Kevin said something short and began walking towards the entrance only to get stopped again by another reporter.
Even as far up as he was, AJ could see the slight twitch of his right eyebrow and the downturn of his lips. His green eyes sharply made contact with the rude reporter and AJ could feel a chill run slowly down his spine.
Q pushed his way through and created a path for Kevin to walk through, shoving microphones down as Keith walked behind him protectively.
He wondered how Kevin knew where Howie had sent their bodyguards.
AJ watched tensely as Kevin continued to walk. Right before he reached the entrance, Kevin looked up and made eye contact with AJ.
The door opened, causing him to jump and turn around to see who the intruder was and Howie stepped in.
“Jesus, Howie.” He placed a hand on his chest, “Fucking knock like a regular person.”
“Sorry.” Howie said unapologetically. He looked tired.
“My turn?” AJ asked, clutching the ice pack tightly.
“Yeah.”
Johnson was taking their statements one by one. AJ had only stayed behind in case Brian woke up. The doctors said he wasn’t in a coma. He was just sleeping due to extreme exhaustion. Which he guessed was kind of like a coma anyway.
“Kevin’s here.” AJ said.
“Great.” Howie said, his expression blank. “Go on. I’ll watch Brian.”
AJ took one last look at Brian before leaving.
Howie grabbed Brian’s cold hand.
“I’m sorry that you keep ending up here.” He said softly. “Your parents are almost here. Your dad sure contributed to my future hearing loss.”
Brian’s heart monitor beeped steadily.
“I think it’s time we tell them what’s going on. They sounded so distressed when I called them. Talk to them, Bri, okay?”
Howie took a seat on the edge of the bed and stroked his hand. There were new bruises on his body the size of Kevin’s hands. There was a faint one on his face as well, on both cheeks. The bandage on his wrist was so big as well.
He could still remember what the raw wound looked like when he entered his room. He could still remember all the blood.
On the carpet, the walls, the bed...
“They think you tried to commit suicide. You have cuts around your hand and your wrist, you know. Not counting the big one.” Howie said. “They also wanted to open a case. They think we’re abusing you.” Howie chuckled, his eyes tearing up. “But Johnson is helping us. He’s making sure this doesn’t get out. He knows we’d never hurt you. I’m so glad AJ told him everything or else we’d be in a pickle right now—not that we aren’t, but you know what I mean.”
He listened to the heart monitor for a bit then let go of Brian’s hand.
“I hope you wake up soon. I hope you’re alright.” Howie said. “I need to know what happened in there.”
There was a knock on the door and Howie wiped his eyes quickly and ran his hands through his hair in an attempt to look calm.
“Come in.” He said, standing up.
Kevin stepped in and closed the door behind him. With a wave of his hand, everything became silent and Howie frowned.
“Where’d you go?”
Kevin shoved his hands in his pocket.
He looked different. Not physically, but the look in his eyes was different. They looked older than he really was. He looked healthier too, but tired.
“Are you okay?” Howie asked.
“Yeah.”
“Kevin, what the hell happened in there?”
“I healed Brian. I fixed him. He’s not dying anymore.” Kevin explained, “I went looking for the man and he told me how to do it.”
“How?”
“I— I had to drink some of his blood and he had to drink some of mine.” Kevin answered. “Just like my leg thing.”
“...Did it work?” Howie asked.
“Yes.” Kevin replied. “I’m pretty sure it did.”
Howie sighed in relief. “That’s good. Shit, that’s more than good. You did it.” He let out a small laugh.
“Yeah. I just hope it didn’t affect Brian in any way.”
“How so?”
“He said that because I’m not the one who initially bit him, there could be some side effects, but we won’t know until he wakes up. I might’ve fucked him up even worse.” Kevin began to pace the room, then stopped by the window, glaring down at the reporters. “They’re like fucking cockroaches.” He muttered in a dark tone Howie had never heard come out from him.
“And he gave you that information just like that?”
Kevin’s expression hardened.
“Kevin, what else happened?”
“The man was with me when I healed Brian.” Kevin said.
Howie had figured as much but hearing it still made his eyes flash in brief anger. “Kevin.”
“I know. I know, I’m sorry.”
“What happened?”
“Brian freaked out and repeatedly stabbed him in the head.” Kevin explained, “He knew what he was doing. Vampires shouldn’t survive head wounds like that unless they get lucky. He did it with scissors and his cross necklace.”
Howie went pale, “How bad was it?”
“His head was literally caved in. His left eye was gone.” Kevin said.
“He wasn’t there when we went to check on Brian.” Howie said.
“I know. I checked on my way back.” Kevin said. “The carpets fucked up.”
“You think he escaped again?”
Kevin shook his head, “Yeah, but I don’t know if he survived or not. I know where he stays sometimes. I’ll keep a lookout.”
“Is that where you were right now? Was he there?” Howie asked.
“I was there but I didn’t see him.” Kevin said, “Anyway, I don’t give a shit about that right now, I need to talk to you about something important.”
Howe frowned, “What is it?”
“What do you think Brian’s mental state will be like when he wakes up?” Kevin asked.
Howie shrugs, “There’s no telling, but I think he’ll have a rough couple of days. We should really consider letting him stay in the hospital this time so he could get all the help he needs.”
“He won’t like that.” Kevin said.
“I know, but it’s better than nothing. Brian needs help.” Howie said, “We can’t give him what he needs. We aren’t properly trained for it.”
Kevin shook his head. “I can’t do that to him.”
Howie rolled his eyes. “Whatever. We’ll deal with that when he wakes up. It’s his choice in the end. What is it you wanted to talk to me about? It can’t have just been this.”
“I… there’s no other way to put it so I’ll just say it.”
Howie raised an eyebrow, “What is it?”
“Brian once told me he wanted to forget what happened to him. The man knew how to do that, but he’s gone and I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. There’s always that chance that he survived.” Kevin said.
Howie froze, “What?”
“I went back to the house and I found a book written by witches that dates back to the trials.” Kevin said, “I know how to do it. I can do it for him.”
“You’re joking.” Howie said. What the fuck?
“I’m not. And I need you to listen to me on this part.”
“Okay…?” Howie said.
“I’m going to erase myself from his memory.”
“What the—? Kevin, just stop it. Why the hell would you do that?”
“I can’t guarantee that the man is dead. I made a deal with him.” Kevin said, his voice telling him that he thought this through. That he was very serious about this.
“Are you forgetting that you’re a celebrity? You’re in a freaking boyband. You can’t just make Brian forget you and expect him to not be confused when you’re singing with us.” Howie said. “What the hell did you promise that man?”
“That I will stay with him in exchange for Brian to live.” Kevin said. “If I stay, then I know you guys will look for me—”
“Of course we will, Kev.” Howie said, “You’re our brother. Where is this going?”
“I will make the world forget me. And before you call me crazy, I’m doing this to keep you guys safe. I’m doing it so Brian won’t suffer anymore.” Kevin said, “But for it to be successful, I need one person to remember me.”
Howie ran a hand through his hair in disbelief, “And that person is me, I presume.”
“Yes.”
“Well, my answer is no. Now what?” Howie said.
“What?!” Kevin exclaimed, “What do you mean no?! Why?!” His eyes were wide, almost pleading for him to accept this insane plan of his.
“You’re being selfish, Kevin.” Howie said.
“You don’t know shit.” Kevin spat.
Howie could’ve easily backed down at that because Kevin’s entire stance was threatening, but it wasn’t like him to back down. It was the reason why Kevin knocked him out in the first place. Howie was the voice of reason whether they listened to him or not and he was going to make him listen.
“You have no right to take their memories away.” Howie said. “What Brian needs is therapy. We haven’t been giving him that. We’ve just been enabling him to get worse and you don’t see that!”
“Brian wants those memories gone.” Kevin said. “I won’t deny him the one thing that will fix him.”
“Fix him? You’re talking about him like he’s a machine. There’s nothing wrong with Brian!” Howie exclaimed. “He just needs help to get better! That’s it! Erasing his memories won’t solve anything.”
“You weren’t there when he asked me to, Howie.”
“So what?! He asked for something while his mental state was in shambles and you somehow take that as gospel?! Has he ever asked you again? Did he even mean it literally or was it because he was feeling horrible at the moment?” Howie exclaimed, “And besides, you’re not just talking about erasing his memories, you’re talking about the entire world! What right do you have to do that?! You’re not God!”
“I wanted to just erase the memories of that day but I can’t! It’s all or nothing and I can’t stand seeing him cry anymore because of me!”
“You’re not God!” Howie screamed. “You get near Brian I’ll fucking—”
“You’ll what, Howie!” Kevin said, hovering over him.
Howie flinched but still stood his ground. “You’re not touching Brian.”
“He’s my cousin. I’m doing what’s best for him.”
“Selfish.” Howie repeated.
Kevin leaned back. “I’m a vampire. It’s in my nature.”
“Get out.”
“Howie, please—”
“Get the fuck out of here, Kevin.” Howie said. “I’m not agreeing to this shit.”
Kevin’s face went blank, save for his eyes. There was anger. Fury.
Howie gripped the bed behind him, one of his hands reached for Brian’s hand and held it tightly. He could feel his pulse.
“Look at you.” Howie said, “Do you even realize what you’re saying? Wouldn’t you rather talk to Brian about this? What makes you think he’d want to forget you? What makes you think Nick or AJ would want to forget you? Your mom? Your brothers? You’re selfish, Kevin.”
“That’s not being selfish.”
“Are you doing it to protect him or to protect yourself from his reaction when he wakes up?” Howie asked. “The way you came out of his house— Brian clearly fought you.”
Kevin stayed silent.
“I’ll spend my whole life protecting him from you if I have to.” Howie said softly. “I just never imagined it to be you.”
“Howie—I never meant to..”
“No one ever means anything.” Howie said.
“I…”
“What have you become, Kevin?” Howie asked.
“I’m sorry.”
“Please leave.”
“Not unless you agree.”
“I can’t. Please don’t ask me again.”
“I know you’ll keep him safe.” Kevin said.
“I will.”
“This is for the best.”
“It’s not.”
“Please.” Kevin tried again.
Howies eyes were glassy. He shook his head. “No.”
“I don’t want to force you.”
“Then try to force me, but I will never agree.”
Kevin lunged only to crumble to the floor in pain. He cried out and grabbed his chest. He looked up in anger only to freeze at the sight before him.
Howie had a cross necklace gripped tightly in his hand and he was holding it out in front of him. He’d taken it from Brian’s hand and luckily for him, it’d been blessed just as he had hoped it’d been.
Howies head hurt. Kevin had managed to get a blow on him, but it wasn’t hard enough to actually hurt him. Even now, Kevin didn’t want to hurt him.
“Get out. I won’t say it again. I’ll call for security and you know that won’t go well for you.” Howie said.
Kevin didn’t reply for a moment and Howie feared that he was really going to end up calling security. He watched him slowly stand up.
“Call me when he wakes up.” Kevin said
Howie nodded. “I will. And I’m glad you’re okay, Kevin.”
Kevin leaves the room.
He brings a hand to his head and sits back down. He lets go of Brian’s hand and wipes the tears that are already falling from his eyes.
Brian wakes up 4 hours later.
Kevin doesn’t pick up the phone when he calls, but he knows his phone is on.
“Mrs. Littrell.” Howie said, shaking her gently. She’d fallen asleep in one of the plastic chairs. AJ and Nick were in the dining room downstairs.
“Oh! My baby!” She cried and embraced her son.
Howie left the room to give them some privacy just as the room flooded with nurses and doctors.
He meets the other two a few minutes later and sits with them at their table. Their bodyguards were surrounding them and he could hear the faint voices of the reporters outside, demanding an interview.
“He’s awake.” Howie said, accepting a bowl of fruit Nick pushes his way.
AJ and Nick jump up in excitement, knocking their chairs back.
“Go ahead. I’ll be here for a while.” Howie said, smiling a bit, “His mom is in Mama Bear mode so be careful.”
When they leave, he pulls his phone out again and tries Kevin once more. This time it went through.
“Hey.”
“Hey, where are you? Brian just woke up.” Howie said, stabbing a piece of pineapple with his plastic fork. He wasn’t hungry. He felt nauseous.
“He did? Oh, that’s great. Thanks for telling me.” Kevin said, his voice tight but relieved.
“When are you coming to see him? You know how he gets when you’re not there.” He said, taking a bite out of the fruit, “His mom is with him.”
“I’m on my way. I just had to do something first.” Kevin replied.
“Okay, I’ll just finish eating here and I’ll see you there.”
Kevin hung up without a goodbye.
Howie sighed and snapped his phone shut and shoved it in his pocket. He forced himself to eat the pineapple. It made his stomach burn and his tongue hurt.
Later when he went back upstairs, he noticed that Kevin still wasn’t here.
He frowned and looked out the window. The reporters seemed to be surrounding someone and he sighed in relief. That must be him.
The guys and Brian’s parents were talking animatedly and Brian was tiredly smiling.
“Hey, Bri.” Howie said.
“Hi.” He replied.
He looked so small in that bed. He hadn’t realized just how much weight he’s lost. He was practically drowning in that hospital gown.
A nurse came in and checked on Brian’s vitals. Howie began to get impatient and looked outside again. The reporters were spread out again.
Another sigh of relief.
Howie finally sat down next to Brian.
“You okay?” Howie asked.
Brian nodded, wincing. “I hurt all over.”
“I think the nurse just gave you morphine.” Howie pointed out.
“Good.” Brian mumbled. “When can I leave?”
“Not yet, Bri. Let’s just wait a bit, okay?”
Brian gave him a small nod and then held his hand out. Howie gripped it tightly.
“You know, Kevin was worried sick.” Howie said, “He left for a while but he’s on his way up right now.”
Brian lost his smile, “I don’t— he…”
Howie frowned, “What is it?” He looked around and caught AJ’s eyes. He looked worried.
Nick was currently driving Brian’s mom out of the room with some bullshit about visiting hours. His face also looked worried.
Nick shut the door after she left and Brian closed his eyes.
“I told him that I hated him.” Brian said regretfully. “That’s why he’s not here.”
Howie shook his head, “I’m sure he knew you didn’t mean it.”
“I meant it.” Brian said angrily.
“No you didn’t.”
“I meant it then.” He said, his eyes tearing up.
“Not anymore?” Nick asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Brian shrugged and then brought his arms up to hide his face. A small sob escaped him and AJ was immediately by his side.
Nick and Howie shared a look. Howie wished Kevin would hurry up and get in here already.
“It’s okay, baby.” AJ said softly. “He knows you didn’t mean it.”
“But—”
“Brian, do you hate him enough to want to forget him?” Howie asked.
AJ's eyes snapped to him. “What the fuck, Howard?”
Brian didn’t reply and Howie sighed and pulled his hands away from his face.
“Howie, man, he just woke up—” Nick started only to be silenced by a look.
“Well, do you?” Howie asked.
Brian looked horrible. “No.”
“Good.” Howie said. “I’m gonna go get Kevin. For all we know, he got lost.”
“Howie, wait.” Nick said, standing up.
“I’ll be back with him. I’m not scared.”
“Never said you were.”
“Then?”
“Wouldn’t it be better if I went for him?” Nick asked pleadingly.
Howie shook his head. “Just stay here with Brian. I’ll be back.”
He didn’t wait for a response and left the room. Marcus was leaning against one of the walls and straightened up immediately when he saw Howie.
“Has Kevin come by?” He asked.
“Keith radio-ed me. He’s at the chapel.”
“I’ll go by myself.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I know where it is.” He said.
“That’s not what I’m worried about.”
Howie gave him a small smile. “I can take care of myself. I just need you here to watch over them.” He said, motioning at Brian’s room with his head.
“If you say so.”
The chapel was on the first floor far away from everything and Howie was thankful for that.
He did not spare a glance to the front doors of the hospital when he got out of the elevator but he could hear the reporters shouting at the sight of him.
He quickly took a sharp left and walked down the long hall until he found it.
It was easy to find. Keith was standing nearby.
“Where’s Marcus?” He asked.
“I wanted to come alone.” Howie replied. “I’m fine.”
“It’s getting hectic outside, don’t risk it.”
“Then you can escort us both when I’m done talking to him.” Howie said.
Keith frowned at his words but nodded. “I’ll be here.”
“Thanks.”
Howie stepped into the chapel, closing the door behind him.
He crossed himself before walking to where Kevin was sitting.
“Kevin, what are you doing?” He asked. “Brian’s awake. We sent Jackie and Harold out.”
Kevin didn’t reply for a while, keeping his gaze upon the statue of Jesus. He had a candle in his hand which seemed to be steaming.
“Kev…?”
“I took some of your hair.” Kevin said.
Howie frowned, “Um.”
“Yeah.”
“Not that this isn’t weird already, but why?” Howie said. He touched the side of his head that still hurt from Kevin’s blow. Yeah, he could definitely feel that a patch of hair was missing— as if his hair wasn’t thin enough already.
“I was gonna go through with it. It said if the person is unwilling you can complete the spell with their hair instead.” Kevin replied.
Howie's heart dropped. “…Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“So why didn’t you?” Howie asked, “You clearly didn’t go through with it.”
“I thought about what you said. Like, I really thought about it for a very long time.” Kevin said. “Do you really think I’m being selfish?”
Howie sat down next to him, rubbing his hands on his jeans. “Look, I get what you’re trying to do. I get why, but it’s wrong.”
“I just wanted to help.” Kevin said, his voice a bit shaky. “It’s my fault this happened to him. I just want to make things right.”
“And you can by being there for him.” Howie said, “I’m not agreeing that it’s your fault, because it’s not, but if you truly feel that way then just be there for him. Brian loves you man, it wouldn’t be right to just remove yourself from his life like that.”
“But what if the man comes back? The deal I made?” Kevin said. “I could just be on my way to endanger him again.”
Howie looked down, “Then we deal with him together. You went off on your own like— why didn’t you tell me? I understand not telling the other guys, but why not me?”
“I didn’t have time. Brian was dying and I just— I couldn’t wait anymore and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I shouldn’t have.” Kevin said.
“It didn’t hurt that bad.” Howie said.
Kevin chuckled a bit.
“Does it look bad?” Howie asked.
“Just a little bit. It’s not broken is it?”
He shook his head, “Nah. Brian played nurse for me for a little bit. He checked me out.”
“You don’t spend your life in and out of hospitals without picking something up, huh.” Kevin said. His watery eyes and smile made his heart hurt.
Howie gave him a small smile in return, though he was sure it didn’t reach his eyes.
“I’m really sorry, Howie. For what happened there. I shouldn’t have— I shouldn’t force you to do anything. I wasn’t thinking straight.” Kevin said. “I was only thinking about Brian.”
“Yeah.”
Kevin huffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “I missed your sarcasm.”
“It’s been like 2 days since you last saw me, you couldn't have missed it that bad.” Howie said, but he could feel his own eyes watering.
Howie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He whispered a small prayer and forced down the urge to cry.
“What did he say to you?” Kevin asked.
“Who said what to me?” Howie said.
“You’re scared, Howie. You’re practically oozing fear.” Kevin said, “It can't be because of me. Out of everyone, you don’t seem to fear me as much.”
Howie swallowed the lump in his throat and took another deep breath. He ran a hand through his hair. It felt weird now that it was short.
“You remember what I told you about what happened to Tony?” Howie said.
“…Yeah.”
“Yeah, well.” Howie muttered. “I guess I made the part.”
“He can’t do anything to you.” Kevin said.
“It seemed like he wanted to.”
“I noticed that he seemed interested in you.”
“So did I.” Howie said. “I just didn’t think it would be that— you know, can we like, not talk about this? It’s been fucking me up for a while and I’d rather not think about it.”
“Howie.”
“What.” He said flatly.
“When you took me to Tony I realized I felt something on you. Like, if I wanted your blood I wouldn’t be able to get it.”
“Yeah, he said I had a claim on me or whatever.” Howie said. “What about it?”
“You don’t have it anymore.”
Howie blinked, “What?”
“He set you free.” Kevin said. “I haven’t felt it in a while. You didn’t have it when I saw you at Brian’s house.”
Howie felt something wash over him. He was pretty sure it was relief but it was such a strong feeling that made him feel dizzy.
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Lucky you.”
“I guess.”
Howie felt himself relax and thanked God under his breath.
“Thanks for telling me.” Howie said.
“Yeah.” Kevin said softly.
Howie chewed on the inside of his cheek and took a look at Kevin who was now staring at the candle hard, his hands still looking like they were steaming.
“Doesn’t that hurt?”
Kevin shrugged. “Not after a while.”
“Stop.”
“It’s kind of stuck to my hands.” Kevin said.
“Do you want me to—”
“No.”
Howie fiddled with his fingers and was now filled with guilt because to him, Kevin was jealous.
“I’m sorry.” Howie said.
“For what? You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“He let me go, but you’re still…”
Kevin gave him a bitter smile. “It doesn’t matter to me.”
“Of course it matters.”
“Howie…”
“It does.” He insisted. “I know you must feel like this is unfair. It is unfair. You didn’t deserve any of this!”
Kevin’s eyes darkened.
“I raided that man’s belongings. I looked through every book, every journal in there for a chance to be human again. I learned how to stop time and I stayed there for weeks—”Kevin crushed the candle in his hands, the melted wax spilling onto his skin “—and all I could find was everything but that.”
Howie didn’t hesitate to pull out a pack of tissues from his pocket and practically snatched the candle away from Kevin’s hands and wiped them clean. They were red and he could feel how hot they were whenever he touched him.
“I’m sorry.” Howie whispered.
Kevin shrugged. “I shouldn’t care anymore. I don’t. I hardly even remember what it was like to be human, if I’m being honest. I don’t remember what it was like to not have these senses. I can hear all of your heartbeats. I can hear Brian crying right now. I just can’t bring myself to see him like this. I can’t.”
Howie replaced the tissue with his hand and held Kevin’s warm ones and then he realized this was the first time in forever that they’ve been warm.
“Why can’t you see Brian?” He asked, rubbing their hands together as if that would trap the warmth and drive the inevitable cold away.
“I hurt him. He said he hated me.”
Howie closed his eyes, recalling how Brian told him this.
“He‘ll understand that you only meant to help him.” Howie assured him.
“I almost killed him.” Kevin said, “I almost drained him.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I only stopped because the man— because Jack told me to stop.” He said. “I would’ve continued drinking.”
“Are you afraid you’ll bite him again?” Howie asked.
“Yes.”
“If you saw him right now, would you?”
“I don’t know.” Kevin replied, “I just remember how good it tasted. It was better than the blood bags—I shouldn’t have.”
“You did what you had to do.”
“I know.” Kevin said softly.
“Do you think you can go back to blood bags?”
“You’re like, really interrogating me.” Kevin chuckled softly, pulling one of his hands free and wiping the corners of his eyes.
“Well?”
Kevin shook his head. “No.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Kevin, I’ll be your supply.” Howie said.
“What? No, don’t do that to yourself.” Kevin said. “I’m fine. I’ll continue to just do as I’ve always done.”
“What, starve yourself until you can’t stand it anymore?” Howie said. “Face it Kevin, you’ve tasted fresh human blood. You told me yourself what it felt like drinking Brian’s. You’re going to want more.”
Kevin shook his head and pulled his other hand free. “No.”
Howie grabbed his arm tightly and Kevin looked at him in surprise.
“If I was going to be anyone’s supply, I’d rather it be you.” Howie said. “Because I know you don’t mean any harm and because I care about you.”
“Howie—”
“Think about it. I’m not scared of you.”
Kevin blinked several times, like he couldn’t believe Howie actually cared about him.
“In the meantime, we’re going to see Brian and we’re gonna put our happy faces on, okay?”
In the end, Brian demanded he get discharged despite everyone’s opposition.
“Tour starts soon.” Brian said, shaking while he stood up and grabbing onto AJ’s hand.
Kevin was tempted to strap him down on that bed but then Brian said he was gonna get help.
“I’m tired of feeling this way.” He explained. “And I’m only gonna continue feeling this way if you guys make me stay here one more second.”
That got everyone to shut up.
Apparently while he and Howie were talking in the chapel, Nick and AJ had convinced Brian to seek a therapist.
Brian hadn’t directly spoken to Kevin or even looked at him since he returned from the chapel. It was like he was invisible and Kevin didn’t blame him.
Nick hadn’t said a word to him either— at least not until they were back in the hotel.
Nick had pushed him into a corner and hugged him like he was his lifeline. His fingers dug into his back.
“Don’t ever do that again, Kevin.” He said between sobs.
Kevin nodded before wrapping his arms around his waist tightly, allowing him to cry on his shoulders. He could tell Nick was exhausted, both physically and emotionally.
Despite how much he loved him, Kevin couldn’t promise him he wouldn’t do it again. There was just no telling and he wasn’t about to start making false promises.
“I love you.” Kevin said, kissing his cheek.
Nick responded by crying even harder. Kevin held him all night and part of the morning.
A week and a half passed and it was long enough for Kevin to see the side effects.
Brian was still weak and he had a hard time falling asleep. He might have insomnia, but he wasn’t sure, really. He sleeps with AJ these days, like he was afraid of being in the same space as Kevin.
His voice also seemed to get a bit scratchy but it seemed like he’s the only one that noticed given his hearing ability. Brian also spaced out a lot but that might just be from trauma.
There was a fine line between the side effects and the trauma itself. Sometimes he couldn’t tell which one it was.
He had to watch closely in case something new came up and he hoped nothing did.
Another week later and Brian still hasn’t spoken a word to him and Kevin felt himself get more anxious everyday because he was almost certain that Brian hated him.
He was also very quiet in general. Only speaking or singing when he really had to. That— Kevin was sure of— was a trauma response and it hurt to see it because Brian was supposed to be bubbly. He was supposed to be jumping around and making people laugh.
Kevin sometimes wondered if he ever imagined that person he grew up with. Sometimes it was like they were two different people.
The tour started again and all eyes were on them. Every camera and news channel. There were a few press conferences before that, but only Kevin and Howie came. They were all anyone talked about online as well. He visited some of their fansites out of curiosity only to exit out when he saw just how outlandish their conspiracies were.
There were definitely some eyebrows raised over Brian’s injuries. He was photographed upon his discharge and of course the picture everyone used showed some of his bruises. There were rumors about attempted suicide and some were even accusing them of bullying him.
Johnson was busy fighting those rumors and continued to push the stalker/attempted murder story. It was definitely working since practically every major news outlet was reporting it as such.
Kevin ran a hand down his face and eyed the newspaper in his hands tiredly.
The Backstreet Boys first performance since their hiatus: Do they still have what it takes to remain on top?
Kevin rolled his eyes and threw the newspaper across the table and leaned against the back of his chair, allowing himself to slide down a bit.
He felt too old for this shit. He wondered how many more of these he’d have to read in the future before it all died down— before everything died down, because if he was being honest, the boyband craze was beginning to decline. It was only a matter of time before it was their turn to disappear from the spotlight.
They had their second show tomorrow and he wished they had waited longer, but the label was getting nervous and the Backstreet Boys had to do their part or get sued.
A good thing was that these first few shows will have less dancing than before their hiatus until their next break when they could fully practice again. He hoped that by then, Brian was feeling better.
They moved out of their hotel to a big suite. These had kitchens and it surprised him to hear that AJ was happy for that considering all he basically eats is takeout. It had several rooms and a large living room that no one used. Some of their suitcases were still lying there, open and messy.
He got up and went to the kitchen and pulled out his water bottle. He was on his final blood bag. He actually stole the ones at the man’s house seeing as how he still hasn’t shown his face.
Kevin still hasn’t made a decision on Howies offer. It still bothered him.
He took a sip, and grimaced as the cold blood ran down his esophagus. It tasted stale. All of it tasted stale to him now.
He craved fresh blood.
A door opened and closed and then soft steps behind him.
Kevin turned around and jumped at the sight of Brian’s form. Out of all of them, he was least expecting Brian to willingly come up to him.
He looked better. His face was fuller and healthier.
“What?” Kevin asked, fiddling with the cap of his water bottle.
Brian narrowed his eyes and then walked closer, leaning back against the island and crossing his arms. He was wearing a short sleeved shirt which gave him a perfect view of the bruises he caused.
The ones the man caused were gone.
His throat was in full view, too, no longer covered by a bandage. It was gone just like Kevin’s when the man healed his legs.
“Why did you bring him with you?” Brian finally spoke. His voice sounded a tiny bit strained. Kevin winced.
“He was helping me.” Kevin answered.
“You let him touch me again.” Brian said. He looked down at the tiled floor. “It scared me.”
“I know.”
“Did I kill him?”
“Yes.” Kevin lied.
Brian looked back at him. “Good.”
“Yeah.”
Brian’s eyes narrowed once more.
Kevin looked away.
“I’m not—dude, my sights all messed up. I’m like, really near-sighted right now.” Brian said, “I’m not mad at you anymore.”
Kevin winced again. “Oh.” My fault.
“Howie says I need to see an eye doctor.”
“You should.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.” Kevin echoed.
Brian uncrossed his arms and got closer. “I’ve done a lot of thinking this past week.”
“Oh, yeah?” He said, pretending to be interested in a spot on the floor.
“Yeah.” Brian said, “You betrayed my trust that day and I didn’t know how to take it. I said I hated you and in that moment I did because you brought the man that ruined my life back to me. I said it before I knew he was there because you left me and I was afraid something had happened to you. I was scared of being alone.”
“Oh.”
“I was very angry too. I yelled at AJ and said mean things to him too. He says that it’s okay though because it cancels out— y’know, cause he was the same with me.”
Kevin flashed his eyes in the direction of AJ and Brian’s room.
“That’s in the past now. AJ isn’t mean to me anymore and I’m not mean to him either.”
“I see.” That didn’t stop him from being curious about it though.
“I forgive you, Kevin.” Brian said bluntly. “That’s what I came here to say.”
Kevin flinched. “You don’t have to…”
“I’m being real. I do forgive you.” Brian said, “You saved me again, even if it hurt me in the process. I understand that all you wanted was for me to get better. I’d be dead right now if it wasn’t for you— trust me, I could literally feel my life ending.”
“I’m not sure I deserve it.” Kevin said.
“Maybe you can come with me to a therapy session. I’ve only been to three in such little time, but she said some things to me during the last session that had me reviewing all that’s happened.” Brian said. “Maybe she’ll say something that will make you realize you deserve forgiveness and love.”
Kevin’s mouth was quick to say no, but he shook his head. Brian was trying to talk to him again and this was just what he’d been hoping for.
Besides, it could help him figure out what he was going to do with the situation he was in now.
“Whenever you’re ready.” Kevin shrugged.
His chest burned when Brian smiled.
It burned even worse when Brian hugged him. He didn’t deserve it.
Nick slipped out of bed slowly, running his hand down Kevin’s cheek until he went back to dreamland.
He went to the bathroom and splashed cold water onto his face over and over until his bangs were fully drenched. He squished a towel against his face and patted it dry.
He went to a therapy session with Brian 3 days ago. She said he had some reaction to the smell of blood or whatever. Even the thought of it made him nauseous. He refused to come back after that. He didn’t need to get analyzed like that even if it was true. He had only been there to make Brian feel safer, that was it.
Nicks dragged himself to the living room in hopes of calming his mind with some tv only to get jump scared by Howies still form at the dining table.
“Jesus fucking Christ.” Nick muttered, a hand against his chest. “You do this every time.”
Howie gave him a twisted smile and then handed him a newspaper. “Have you read this?”
“Are you okay?” Nick asked.
“Just swell.” He replied, but his eyes said otherwise.
Nick squinted at the text on Howie was pointing at.
The Backstreet Boys first performance since their hiatus: Do they still have what it takes to remain on top?
“What, are you seriously bothered by these? There’s been like a million of them written.” Nick huffed. “They’re a bunch of losers anyway.” He went to the fridge and grabbed a carton of strawberry milk. He took the plastic off the straw and stabbed it right through the top.
“I don’t think any of them were written like this.” Howie said.
Nick frowned, curious now. He looked back at the paper and began to read.
Their first concert since AJ McLean’s rehab stint was subject to controversy and has been the topic of conversation for days. We managed to snag tickets to the highly anticipated concert and witnessed some interesting moments.
Right off the bat, we noticed a huge difference compared to their shows a month back: the dancing has been cut in half.
Although the Backstreet Boys aren’t known for their dancing, they never failed to put on a show— until today.
There was obvious tension between the group members that had us thinking that this concert was rushed with hardly any rehearsals. Perhaps another week off would’ve helped the boys give a better show.
AJ McLean took a moment to apologize for the scandal he caused with his drug addiction and boasted about his many days sober and counting, although rumor has it that he left the rehab center early. He thanked the fans for their support and the concert went on.
Besides the tension, concern about Kevin Richardson’s and Brian Littrell's well being were voiced throughout the venue.
This could be due to Brian Littrell's recent encounter with a suspected serial killer who first attacked him a month ago.
Concern was especially high for Brian who had been seen walking out of the hospital a week prior with multiple injuries. He gave no comment to the questions by the reporters and offered no explanation at the concert— merely stating that he was fine.
Fortunately for fans, authorities have stated that the serial killer has been caught dead. After a long month of speculation and fear, authorities have identified 19 year old Tony Campbell as simply a stalker and confirmed that he is not connected to other similar attacks and murders. The real serial killer is still on the hunt.
All of this has put a strain on the Backstreet Boys and affected their performance as they can’t seem to put their personal issues to the side in order to be professional. Fans might sympathize, but as outsiders who paid to view a show, it was rather disappointing.
Let’s face it, if this is all they have left to offer, then it’s better to call it quits.
“Tony Campbell?” Nick frowned, “Isn’t that— that’s the guy that told you everything.”
Howie grimly nodded.
“But why? He didn’t do anything wrong!” He exclaimed.
“I guess Johnson couldn’t find someone else to put the blame on in order to cover for Kevin.”
“It’s not Kevin’s fault.” Nick snapped.
“Never said it was.” Howie said, “But you’ve got to admit this is wrong. He could’ve said it was Jack. It’s not like he can’t fabricate an identity.
Nick set the newspaper down and sat down next to Howie.
“I’m sorry.” Nick said. “It really fucking sucks, especially knowing what that kid went through.”
Howie shrugged solemnly. “I’ll ask them to bury him somewhere private. He deserves peace. I just— I really fucking hate this.”
“Howie…” Nick said.
“I know I barely knew him, but I feel it in my soul that the person I met at the bookstore was really him even if he was dead at that point. He was just a kid, Nick. He wanted to be normal.” Howie said. “He had books in his hands about how to make friends.”
“I’m sorry.” Nick said again because in reality he had no idea what to say.
That kid had been younger than he was. It could’ve been him.
Howie shook his head. “This is wrong.”
Day by day and show after show, things slowly started getting better.
Time was on their side for once, allowing them to heal as much as they could. Kevin kept to himself a lot and practically spent most of his time at the man's house, looking for any more information.
None of the guys really knew what he was doing. Ever since he learned how to stop time they never noticed he was gone anyway. One second to them was a million to him. He could spend days reading through each book and journal and the guys wouldn’t suspect a thing.
Of course as the days went by, Kevin’s anxiety about the man coming back rose. It took a month for the man to show up again last time. It’s been three now.
Sometimes he could feel something inside him that was tugging him towards something, but Kevin never gave into that feeling. If he was alive, then Kevin wanted him to come to him. He wasn’t going to look for him.
They had a deal and Kevin knew the man would honor it and leave the guys alone.
Kevin rolled onto his side, tangling himself in the hotel sheets. The room was dark and he could hear Brian and AJ giggling about something.
He yawned loudly and hugged the pillow next to him. Nick was watching tv in the other room. Kevin could hear the SpongeBob theme song playing from here and let out a snort.
The only person he couldn’t hear was Howie.
Kevin pulled his coat around him tighter and waited for Keith to lock up the car before heading down the path. It was windy and cloudy and it was the perfect weather for him.
The cemetery was blessed and Kevin could feel a sting coming from every direction. He made sure not to touch anything.
Further down the path he spotted Q leaning against a tree, nodding at them when he saw them. Keith went up to him and started having a low conversation. Kevin pretended he didn’t hear anything and continued walking until he was right behind Howie who was sitting cross legged on the grass in front of a small gravestone.
“Hey.” Kevin said.
Howie glanced at him. “Hey.”
“Whatcha doing here?” Kevin asked.
“Getting closure.” Howie replied. “How’d you know I was here?”
“Keith.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
It read Tony Campbell 1982-2001.
Tony’s family responded with rage once they got wind of what he’s been accused of. They went to the newspapers and called it a lie but they got shut down real fast by Johnson and his team.
Johnson apologized to Howie for doing this behind their back, explaining that it was the only way. The public wasn’t as stupid as everyone thought. At some point someone was going to ask questions about Tony’s death. Any answer would eventually lead to Kevin and so to hide the cause of his death and his involvement with vampires they blamed him for what happened to Brian.
Howie wished he could say something to the parents, but Johnson explicitly banned them from making contact with them.
The private cemetery that Howie had requested was only accessible by certain people. Tony’s parents didn’t know it’d been him that gave him this place to rest.
Howie brushed his hand against the stone, as if he were memorizing each letter engraved onto it.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kevin step back a few feet to give him some privacy. He knew Kevin would hear him though, but he didn’t mind because he knew he felt the same way.
“I’m sorry this happened to you.” Howie said. “I’m sorry you’ve been falsely accused and I hope you can forgive me for remaining silent. I don’t know what will happen if I tell the truth and I’m scared to find out. I guess I’m a coward.”
Howie inhaled deeply when a gust of wind hit him. He wanted to believe that it was Tony.
“I think we would’ve been friends if you lived.” Howie said. “I hope you’ve found peace. I hope you’ve made many friends in the afterlife.”
He sighed and rested a single flower over his name.
“I hope you and that friend of yours found each other. I never knew their name, but I’ll remember them as well.”
He glanced behind him at Q who tapped his wrist.
“I have to go now. We gotta catch a plane in a couple of hours and I don’t think I’ll be back here for a long time. Bye, Tony.” Howie said and got up on wobbly legs.
He went over to Kevin and gave him a small smile.
“Your hairs longer.” Kevin commented.
Howie reached up and tugged a curl. “Yeah, I guess.”
“It looks great either way, Howie.”
“Thanks.”
Kevin looked good.
“How’s my blood by the way?” Howie commented quietly.
Kevin scratched his forehead. “Um, it’s good. It’s really good, I can see why— you know— why he wanted it so bad.”
“Hmm.”
Kevin looked at him with a questioning look.
“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.”
They were chanting their names in the arena. Brian could feel the power of the chants through his chest.
He wiped the sweat off his forehead and quickly changed into his encore outfit.
AJ bounced to the side of him, commenting on how great the show had been. Kevin was rehearsing his lines under his breath, staring at himself in the mirror with a gaze only a perfectionist can have. Howie was fixing his hair with a bottle of hairspray while elbowing Nick to get away from him, who had been busy hanging from his shoulder to annoy him.
Brian feels like they’ve finally stumbled upon normalcy again.
He doesn’t feel like 100% himself and he doubted he ever will again. At least not for a long time, but he can say that he hasn’t felt this peaceful in a long time. Sometimes he could joke like he used to. Sometimes he could make people laugh like he used to. Sometimes he could sleep without nightmares.
That rage he had inside him was gone and he was happy for that. He’s never felt anything like that before and never wants to again.
He still couldn’t be left on his own without feeling afraid, but he was working real hard with his therapist to find a solution for that—but even if he didn’t, he knew the guys would do anything in their power to make him feel safe.
And he would always feel grateful.
An arm wrapped itself around his waist and pulled him close to a thin but strong body.
“What are you thinking about, baby?” AJ said softly in his ear.
Brian felt warm inside.
“I think I’m happy.” He replied, settling his forehead on his shoulder. AJ responded by giving him a kiss on his cheek.
AJ had officially asked him out two weeks ago and Brian was glad he waited until they were both in a good enough spot mentally to pursue a relationship.
“Come on, let's go!” Kevin called, clapping his hands to get their attention.
“Ewwww they were kissing!” Nick pointed at them like he was 3 years old.
Brian untangled himself from AJ and grabbed a discarded pillow and threw it at Nick, hitting him dead in the face.
“Guys—” Howie started. He stood behind Kevin so he wouldn’t get hit by flying pillows.
AJ laughed like a maniac.
Brian was smiling so hard it made his cheeks hurt.
“You guys are crazy.” Kevin said.
The chants got louder and so did the burning excitement in Brian’s chest.
Everything was well until Kevin left the group.