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She stood at a crossroads of uncertainty, a place where she never fathomed to dwell. An emptiness made home in her heart expanding unrelentlessly with disregard for whatever it was there before. Her oath, broken the moment she faltered to stop Shadowheart.
She would not change her choice.
Though her companion had refrained from embracing darkness, gods cared little for the true nuances of life. In this labyrinth of confusion, she was another soul adrift, she who mirrored her own sense of being lost amidst inner shadows.
Shadowheart. She hid her suffering well, but not from Atheryn. At first, she merely regarded understanding her as a necessity. Then, curiosity came and she could no longer lie to herself. Each act performed by her always held such precision, such mastery in telling that it was a wonder to see. It was satisfying to unravel what was beneath.
Behind the darkness lay someone she fell in love with. And perhaps that’s why she always kept coming back to Shadowheart. Because to do anything else would not make any sense.
“Evening,” she started. Shadowheart saw her coming, though gave little signs if she thought of her as a disturbance. Seating herself beside the other, she ventured, “I might sound like a fool, but how are you?”
Time dallied before Shadowheart’s response surfaced, heavy with its own weight.
“I can still feel the Shadowfell all over me… still hear her words in my ear. I feel… unclean.” Shadowheart’s voice tried to be strong. Even to the bitter end, old habits were harder to defeat than any mighty foe.
“I’m sorry.” Slipped out, an involuntary reflex. Her hand reached out, a touch yearning to offer solace. Yet, she knew the chasm of their own doing barred such intimacy.
Still, Shadowheart, usually prone to show affection in the dark, closed the gap between them when light still met their hands. Her touch was cool, like frost, awaiting the warmth of spring’s embrace.
“You… you’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” Shadowheart fingers traced tenderly across the other’s palm, “Far from it, in fact.”
“Without your help, things could have ended very differently for me.” She avoided looking at Atheryn. Was she ashamed? For there was little reason in there.
“Nonsense.” Atheryn’s words danced like fireflies on a balmy evening. “It was all you. I… was merely there to catch you if you ever stumbled.” She tried to not come across as if her heart was pouring out, as if she was anything but a fool in love, but to little effect. Every word she spoke was laced with tenderness that, as it came to pass, was impossible to mask. And perhaps a master of covertness such as Shadowheart was simply sparing them both from her foolish feelings.
“That moment… felt like eternity. A harrowing silence.” Shadowheart said. What Atheryn heard, however, was the true question. Why didn’t you say anything?
She traced her fingers over the contours of her companion’s hand, gazing beyond, into realms unseen. The object of her ire, the object of her peace. Everything. “It was your choice to make.”
Atheryn focused on their hands together. She did not dare to ponder on how well they fit, that the gods created touch so that they could love. And love she did. Shadowheart`s words soon broke the wave crashing down upon her ribcage.
“I find it hard to believe you had no stake in it. Did you truly not care?” Shadowheart’s voice wavered, like a solitary leaf trembling on a precipice. She tried to be firm, to hide as she often did, though it seems she has reached her limit. “It would be remiss for me to say you held no control over me then. That a mere word from you and the outcome would be entirely unrecognizable. I would be entirely unrecognizable.”
To confess, would it mend or fracture? Was love their salvation or undoing, as it had been for the couples she often saw quarreling in the streets, as if their world was ending. Even if she could, even if Atheryn could completely understand Shadowheart she would rather die. It came to her then, she could not love that which was completely hers, and so was her nature.
Atheryn’s gaze mirrored the intensity of that shared moment in the Shadowfell. More this time, she dared release the pent-up truths shackled within her heart. Shadowheart’s eyes, twin lanterns within the night, was of vulnerability unshackled, where secrets once captive found their voice.
“Far from it. My wish, my whispered prayer to the moon, was for you to embrace the light. That… that you wouldn’t choose her.” She took a moment, a sadness in a crescendo at every beat of her heart. “However, what right did I have to impose that on you?” Atheryn’s voice faltered, tears on the verge of release. For Shadowheart, she must remain steadfast.
“I had faith in you. That you would choose what was right.” She paused, the unsaid side asserting its presence. “Yet I can’t deny the truth. If you had chosen the darkness, if… well.” Atheryn braced herself.
Avoiding Shadowheart’s gaze, she persevered, thoughts racing ahead of her rational control.
“Even if you’d surrendered to Shar completely, I would have been content just to stand by your side. No oath or goddess would hinder me, unless you wished for me to be gone. That is, what I mean is,” Atheryn’s admission flowed forth, like the coursing river she desperately tried to hold back. But the current could not be stemmed.
I love you. For you I have forsaken my oath. For you, I will forsake my life. You are my oath. I love you so much I will let it kill me.
You don’t need to love me, but please do. Choose me.
The words are caught up in her throat, Shadowheart wasn’t in the state for this. If anything, she had to be here as her friend. As a pillar. Not deal with it as a potential something more, weed through uncertain feelings. As a flower would wither if mishandled.
“Forget it, I —I just wanted to say that. Wanted you to know.” Atheryn stood up as if the bench was on fire, as if she had not just said something completely unhinged, baring her heart to Shadowheart. It will all come in due time. She can’t hide her broken oath forever.
Shadowheart cut her right then. To Atheryn’s relief, she could just see this as a colossal lapse of judgment on her part. She was kind like that, even if she herself did not realize it. But that was why Atheryn was there. To remind her.
“I have an idea. Something I’ve wanted to do for a while. Something that might help me put her in the past… but I’ll need your help,” Shadowheart asked.
And just like that, Atheryn replied.
“Anything.”
Atheryn did not know what to expect. She had agreed to meet with Shadowheart in the afterhours. The moon was a whisk away from being full and she could already feel the restlessness it brought. The thought of Selûne forsaking her worried her, she would have to come up with another way to deal with her condition. And her oath.
She shook her head, there were other thoughts she should be having. As in, whatever Shadowheart needed her help with.
Leagues in front of her she spotted a white marrowing in the dark. Shadowheart watching over the waves caught up in the whirlwind that was her mind with no doubt. Atheryn made sure to be as loud as possible in order to alert her friend.
She was the prettiest woman in the whole Faerun, what came out of her mouth surprised her though.
“This will do.” her words were steady, “Take off your clothes.”
Lady Selûne’s light protected her though she was sure that Shadowheart could see it. How Atheryn’s face flared up hotter than the Nine Hells.
“W-what?” she whispered.
Shadowheart had a killer smile, “You don’t want them to get wet, do you? Or worse, weigh you down. Go on; don’t turn shy on me now.” More than that her gaze softened. It was a command yes, but at the same time should Atheryn wish she was one word away from stopping this. Whatever this is.
“Are- are you going to turn around?” Atheryn ventured, fingers playing at the edge of her tunic.
“No.” Shadowheart said.
At each piece of clothing she undid, Shadowheart’s gaze was heavy with something predatory. Her companion barely made a movement to unclothe herself. Atheryn’s worst sense of preservation had the mind to ask for help but she really didn’t want to have premature cardiac failure. She was down her underwear when Shadowheart took a step.
She explored Atheryn’s abdomen, more than that, to the ugly scars she earned with the years. Each with their own little story. She felt a surge of warmth where her fingers had grazed her skin, a sensation that spread like wildfire. Slowly, her touch traced a path up her arm, leaving a trail of electric tingles in its wake. Atheryn’s breath caught in her throat, and she found herself unable to look away from her intense gaze.
She continued her exploration, her touch now bolder, fingers tracing the contours of her hand. Each contact felt like a promise, a whispered invitation to a world where only they existed. She could feel the heat building between them, a magnetic pull that seemed to defy all reason.
She was of one mind; each sigh, every fleeting sound that might escape Shadowheart’s lips, she yearned to collect them as tokens of their shared satisfaction. In those fleeting moments of connection, she sought to etch the memory deep into her heart, an indelible mark of joy to be treasured for all time.
To invite bliss into her visage, longed to witness a cascade of bliss crash in her face, locking away the moment in her heart forevermore. She would be good. If Shadowheart let her. She would worship her, inviting the gods to smite her out of jealousy. She would start slowly, learning what pleasure Shadowheart desires the most. Does she prefer to go slower? Or to have terms of endearment whisper to her? And a good learner she was.
No surface of her body would go untouched. Atheryn would make a sanctuary out of her lips.
She could feel the arousal rising, so she tried to populate her face with goblins doing a silly little dance. With silly little hats. And their eyes were green—
“Atheryn?” Shadowheart interrupted, only to realize she probably has frozen ever since she let her mind get the better of her. As the other’s hand moved to her cheek, her eyes closed instinctively, savoring the novelty of touch. Thumb brushed over her lips, leaving a tingling imprint that lingered long after the touch was gone. One leap of faith and love would win. She opted to avoid her gaze all together, opening her eyes in fear of the chaos raging in her body, lest her magic burn them both.
Shadowheart didn’t let go. If anything, she now cupped in an almost forceful manner Atheryn’s face, forcing it to connect their gazes.
“There’s been something between us for some time. A connection, more than friends… I recognized it, but didn’t act on it.” She said, no louder than the carefree winds kissing the wilds. “I thought my faith was the most important thing in my life— I couldn’t have been more wrong.”
Atheryn’s heart soared. And reason poisoned it. For she knew what her next words would be. She was keenly aware, for she had woven those very words into her dreams long before love had found a place to settle within her heart. Ever since Shadowheart sequestered her thoughts without even meaning to.
“I’ve squandered too much time already. I want to be with you. Now and always. Do you want the same?” It was so simple. So straightforward. So very Shadowheart, when she wanted it to be.
But it wasn’t, not really. Not this time.
“Don’t.” Atheryn said, she took a deep breath as it would reign in the tears ready to spill. “Don’t you dare disregard your faith like that—”
“Atheryn” Shadowheart took a step back, she was defensive. Surprised. She must not have expected Atheryn to care. Why? Has she failed as her friend to think she would allow Shadowheart to kill her heart merely because Shar has brought ruin upon it?
“No you hear me. Because this is important. Maybe this is the most important thing right now. Don’t you dare let her take away your faith. I know, I know that everything seems hopeless. That the night seems endless and you are afraid because you can’t recognize the stranger in your broken mirror. And I will help you find whatever pieces you seem to believe will make it hurt less. But listen, your faith will always be yours. Not hers. Not Selûne 's. Or whatever god you think is necessary. They are strong because we believe in them, they exist because we say they exist.”
Atheryn's head inclined, a cascade of warmth unfurling within, like sunlight spilling through the trees. A tender impulse guided her, and she pressed a gentle kiss upon the bridge of Shadowheart's nose. Yet, such an act held a deeper purpose, transcending mere gestures. It was a whisper of the profound love she cradled within her, a love that defied the confines of expression. And that was enough. She resolved, even if it meant she'd traverse the precipice of mortality itself, to preserve this love.
“I want you to have faith in yourself. And it’s alright if you cannot heal your way out of every worry, issue, struggle, grief, sadness or down day. You will never be the same Shadowheart you were when we met. This wound of yours, the one that no spell can mend, it’s part of you now, it’s who you are now. You will live your whole life learning to accept it and it’s alright, because you cannot heal your way out of life and you were never supposed to.”
She takes a step and asks a question. She asks in the way she lifts her arms and takes a breath deeper. In the way she leans her face for her to make room in her collarbones. And when they are finally together, she feels tears. The source of these tears shall remain a well-guarded secret, hidden within the chambers of her heart. For even if this stands as their last sanctuary of peace, this memory shall stand as a testament to their connection, a sanctuary unfazed by the encroaching shadows.
Time finally comes to knock upon their door, Atheryn finds courage to ask.
“So, can I, uh, put my clothes back on?” She asked.
“I wanted to learn how to swim.” Shadowheart said. “I wanted to know, to face a fear without Shar.”
“I’m sorry I ruined it then.” She puts on her pants and shirt. “I can still teach you, if the burden of being with me is not hopeless.”
Shadowheart holds her gaze, “You didn’t answer my question.”
Atheryn begins to walk towards the cold waters of the night. Dawn is just around the corner, she smiles.
“When you finally feel whole again, then we can try. We can try as much as you like.”
She hears Shadowheart's voice behind her.
“And if that moment never comes? If I never find myself again?”
She turns around.
“Weren’t you paying attention? Shadowheart, have faith.”