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The first time they hook up, Sunoo finishes into his own hand, brings his fingers to his mouth, and sucks the mess off his skin. Sunghoon is still tangled in his sheets, staring up at him, watching his throat bob as he swallows. Sunoo’s eyes are bright as he looks down at his phone—not even trying to be sexy—and wipes his spitty hand on the sheets. He rolls off the tiny bed a second later, plucking his wrinkled shirt up from where Sunghoon had tossed it. “Are you gonna order food or should I?” he asks, pulling his shirt on, the fabric sticking to his sweat damp skin.
Sunghoon just gapes at him, skin prickling at how filthy and casual Sunoo apparently is after sex. He’s exact and clean in the rest of his life, always smelling the best out of their little friend group, always snapping gum and putting on lip balm, but here he is, still flushed from his orgasm and tucking his wet little cock back into his stained briefs like it doesn’t bother him at all.
That might be the exact moment that Sunghoon falls in love with him.
~
They met in a literature class.
Met is generous. Sunghoon sat next to the prettiest boy in the class for the entire quarter, promised himself every day that he’d talk to him or ask for his number, and did nothing of the sort. He tried to stalk him online once and was met with a sharp moment of clarity when all he found was a private Instagram account.
Heeseung ribbed him endlessly over his pathetic crush and Jake finally dragged him out to a house party after finals just to get him to shut up about it.
They ran into Jungwon and Jake, got pulled out onto the lawn and introduced to—
“Oh, it’s you!” The boy said, eyes on Sunghoon, and his heart nearly fell out of his ass.
There he was, holding a peach hard seltzer with glitter packed onto his eyes and a tank top hanging off one shoulder. His jeans were tight and his mouth was slick, stretching into a pretty smile as he introduced himself. “Sunoo,” he slurred, listing forward and bumping into Sunghoon instead of shaking his hand. Before he could offer his name in return, Sunoo bounced over to Jungwon, almost spilling his drink as he whisper-yelled, “That’s the pretty boy that’s been staring at me all quarter.”
It’s a miracle that Sunghoon didn’t die just then, with Jake staring and Jungwon laughing at him over top of Sunoo’s head.
~
“Sl-slower, god, whoever taught you how to fuck should be shot,” Sunoo mumbles, arching his back and bracing a hand on the headboard.
Sunghoon should be embarrassed. It’s the first time that Sunoo is letting him fuck, instead of just riding him into the mattress—and Sunghoon is, evidently, doing a bad job. Sunoo keeps whining or demanding that he go slower or harder, and Sunghoon thought he knew how to take feedback, but it's hard. It’s hard when Sunoo keeps rolling under him, riding back onto his cock with a quick pretty moan, before Sunghoon falls out of rhythm, or loses the angle, and he goes back to complaining. It’s hard when Sunoo is so fucking tight and his ass jiggles and for once he’s naked instead of in some state of half undress—
Sunghoon should be embarrassed. And somewhere, in the back of his head, he is, but it isn’t enough to stop him from whimpering and blowing his load inside Sunoo.
“Oh, my god,” Sunoo groans, burying his face in the sheets. “I’m going to buy you a cock ring,” he says, the words muffled but the threat clear. Sunghoon’s ears are still full of static when Sunoo pushes him off and rolls over, tugging at his half-hard cock.
Usually, Sunghoon is useless so soon after coming, but he thinks he might be in love and he needs this to be more than a one time thing, so he scoots close and offers Sunoo his mouth. Sunoo—sweet, benevolent Sunoo—grins down at him like a fox, grabs the back of his head, and smears his cock against his lips.
~
But, the thing is, they didn’t meet in class, or at that stupid party. They met a full year earlier, in the middle of campus on a hot summer day—and Sunghoon doesn’t remember until they’ve been hooking up for almost three months, on a randomly hot day in the middle of spring. He runs into Sunoo on the quad and Sunoo is sweaty and pink, sunglasses on the tip of his nose, hair pushed back from his face, and it hits Sunghoon all at once.
A year ago. Sunghoon moved into his apartment a month before classes started and lingered around campus with Jake to kill time. The new freshmen were getting their orientation while they sat on a picnic blanket, staring up at the bright sky.
A pretty boy came up to them. He was young then, but so was Sunghoon, young and stupid when the most beautiful boy he’d ever seen plopped down at the edge of his blanket and asked him what his name was. Jake fled immediately, but Sunghoon was rooted to the spot, mouth clumsy as he introduced himself, even clumsier when he realized the boy was flirting with him. He acted stilted and unfriendly, but it wasn’t enough to deter the boy. He pulled a scrap of paper and a pen out of his bag, wrote out his number and offered it to Sunghoon with a sweet, easy smile. Sunghoon threw it away that same day, without a second thought.
A month later, a pretty boy named Beomgyu kissed him in the backseat of a car and things slotted into place. A month too late.
No wonder Sunoo ignored him in class. No wonder he barely sticks around after they fuck. No wonder because Sunghoon is an asshole who always figures it out a second, a minute, a month too late.
Sunoo’s voice breaks through to him. “I gotta go. Text me if you wanna go out later, I finally got my fake!” He kisses the tips of his fingers and then wiggles them in Sunghoon’s face as he bounces away.
He’s heading to dance class. Sunghoon knows because he has his schedule memorized and he’s absolutely fucked.
~
He bursts into Jake’s room and immediately flings a hand over his eyes. “Fuck, sorry, it’s an emergency. Please put your clothes on,” he begs, cheeks hot and knees jellied.
Jake sighs and Heeseung groans, but there’s a quick shuffling of fabric before Jake says, “We’re decent, what’s wrong?”
Sunghoon drops his hand and slumps into Jake’s desk chair. “I lost my chance with Sunoo,” he says, leaning over to bounce his head off the surface of his desk.
“What are you talking about? Last I heard you finally lasted long enough to make him come,” Jake says, while Heeseung throws himself back against the pillows and Sunghoon covers his face with his hands.
Sunghoon stares into the spaces between his fingers and tries to find the words to explain that Sunoo had been interested in him once, maybe interested for more than just these quick, messy hookups that they’ve fallen into, but Sunghoon fucked it up a year ago before he’d ever had a boy’s cock in his mouth, and now he’s in love and he’s lost his chance.
“He only wants to fuck and I’m in love with him,” he settles on, dropping his hands back into his lap.
Something funny happens on Jake’s face while Heeseung flat out cackles. Anger flashes hot across Sunghoon’s face and Jake elbows him hard in the side to shut him up. “Sorry—sorry, I just didn’t expect the L word after three months of you being a terrible lay and our Sun so graciously putting up with you,” Heeseung says.
Sunghoon should have talked to Jay, even if it meant dealing with a time difference and reminding him of Sunoo’s name six times in a row. He never should’ve let Jake bring his boyfriend to their apartment whenever he wanted, he never should’ve said anything. “Fuck off,” he mutters, face hot and voice icy as he stands and makes for the door.
“Hoonie!” Jake calls, trying to scramble out of bed, but Sunghoon is already slamming the door shut. “You are such a fucking asshole!” he hears him say, and that makes Sunghoon feel a little better.
~
But, unfortunately, Heeseung is right. Sunghoon knows all the wrong things about Sunoo. He smells best right after coming and loves to swallow. He’s memorized his entire schedule and also Jungwon’s so he knows when their dorm room will be free. And Sunoo might be his soulmate. But everything else about him is nebulous. Either locked away behind some sort of invisible wall or only available if Sunghoon tries.
So, he tries.
~
[2:56 pm] Me: wyd
[3:01 pm] Sunoo: sorry cant fuck around today, at the library trying to get shit done
[3:02 pm] Me: which library? ill come study w u
[3:11 pm] Sunoo: lol east campus. bring coffee and dont distract me
~
“Have you ever tried bottoming?” Sunoo asks. He pillows his head on Sunghoon’s thigh, mouth slick and swollen red.
Sunghoon’s cock bobs right in front of his mouth, Sunoo’s spit cooling on his shaft as he tries to blink his neurons back into order. “Uh. No?” It tilts up like a question. Sunghoon finds himself doing that a lot: couching plain statements with confusion, always trying to find the right thing to tell Sunoo.
He hums and tightens his hand around the base of Sunghoon’s cock, thumb rubbing at the underside. “Do you want to?” he asks, leaning in to smear his mouth against the side of his shaft. Sunghoon blinks harder, trying to string together a coherent sentence as Sunoo lifts his hand to coax his foreskin back. “I’m pretty good at it, you know. Wonie never had any complaints.” His tongue swirls around the head and Sunghoon’s entire body throbs.
It’s too much information all at once. Sunoo fucking Jungwon, Sunoo knowing how to fuck at all—it shouldn’t be surprising, he’s never been good at being a pillow princess—Sunoo wanting to fuck him . “I don’t—I can’t,” Sunghoon wheezes, shoving his fist into his mouth to muffle a long whine. “Can we talk about this later?” he manages, color popping behind his eyes as Sunoo starts stroking him, tongue rubbing at his frenulum.
“Oh, so you are interested,” Sunoo says, all smug and infuriating, even with his mouth open around Sunghoon’s cock, words half slurred. “Is that why you were so bad at first? Hoping I’d really show you how it's done?”
“Please, please stop talking,” Sunghoon begs, ears hot and palms sweaty, stomach swooping between sickening embarrassment and white hot arousal.
Sunoo hums and eases off, somehow always knowing exactly when it stops being fun. “Fine, fine, we’ll talk more later. Come in my mouth,” he demands, licking his lips and then taking Sunghoon all the way down into his throat. He comes in less than thirty seconds.
~
He learns more.
Sunoo exclusively studies in the east campus library, on the top floor where they have a silent section. He sneaks food in so he can keep his table all day, has to wear blue light blocking glasses when he’s reading his online textbooks, and wears noise canceling headphones to stay focused. He’s still undecided about his major and reserves rooms in the music building so he can avoid getting rusty on the piano.
If Sunghoon asks him to stay the night, he always says no, a strange smile on his mouth as he kisses Sunghoon’s brow and then slides out of bed. But, sometimes, if they go for more than one round, Sunoo will pass out right after, clinging to Sunghoon in his sleep and snoring louder than he could have thought possible. He always waits until Sunghoon wakes up to leave.
He plays silly games on his phone and always has a microfiber cloth in his pocket. His fake ID is terrible, but he keeps getting into clubs on his good looks alone. They text a lot and hang out even more. Sunghoon buys him food and calls it a date in his head, knowing that he’s head over heels and still not knowing what to do about it.
Sunoo flirted with him once, sure. Sunoo likes to fuck now, sure. But where does that leave Sunghoon? His heart rate picks up whenever Sunoo walks into a room, he wants to chain him to his bed and never let him leave, he would do anything just to make Sunoo smile—and Sunoo will smile for him, will kiss him and fuck him and text him back, but there’s something missing. What is Sunghoon supposed to do when Sunoo lights up every room he walks into and Sunghoon is just there: in his wake, waiting for some of that light to be turned back to him. It should make him bitter, it should make him angry. It just makes him want .
~
Sunghoon is twenty minutes into a two hour lecture when his phone buzzes in his back pocket. The professor is too busy reading straight from their textbook to see him wiggle his phone out of his pocket and poorly hide it behind his laptop.
[1:29 pm] Sunoo: did you go to class today
Sunghoon’s mouth quirks up, an expression he gives into only when none of his friends are around to see.
[1:29 pm] Me: yeah lmao
[1:30 pm] Me: wish i didnt its so useless
The professor cold calls on the guy slumped next to him and Sunghoon almost drops his phone. He sets it face down on his keyboard and looks toward the ancient professor, nodding along to the inane answer as if he’s been paying attention. His phone vibrates three times while he pretends to listen and by the time he flips it back over his stomach is churning with anticipation. He’s pathetic. It’s a familiar feeling by now, one that hardly deters him as he thumbs his phone open.
[1:30 pm] Sunoo: boooo
[1:31 pm] Sunoo: just leave if its a waste of time
[1:34 pm] Sunoo: come to mine
It’s a pavlovian response at this point, the way that Sunghoon’s heart rate automatically raises, blood thick in his veins whenever Sunoo invites him over. He blinks and tries to get himself under control, only to remember that Jungwon is going to be out of their dorm until five with his back to back classes. Pathetic, he thinks again, tipping his head back as he tries to think of what to say.
His phone buzzes again and he tips his head forward. A gasp is yanked out of his chest and he fumbles with his phone, turning down his brightness and tugging it close to his chest to peer down at it. He doesn’t even bother to see if his professor is scowling at him, too busy scrutinizing the screen.
[1:36 pm] Sunoo: IMG_64732
[1:36 pm] Sunoo: im home alone :)
Somehow, even contorted at an impossible angle, the picture is perfectly crisp. He took it from behind, holding the phone above him as he twisted and arched his back. He’s on his knees, feet crossed over each other—and Sunghoon must be demented to think his feet are cute —while his other hand grabs his asscheek to hold himself open. If Sunghoon hadn’t seen Sunoo hold this position on his lap as he fucked up into him, he wouldn’t think it’d be possible. The phone is too high for Sunghoon to see as much as he likes. Just a flash of Sunoo’s peach pink hole, but Sunghoon stares and stares, as if the photo might move, might show Sunoo tipping forward onto his chest so Sunghoon can see just how he fingered—
His leg jerks, knee slamming against the underside of his desk to break him out of his deranged day dream. Even when he swipes away from the photo, he can see it, burned into his gaze in a brilliant afterimage. His mouth waters, wondering if Sunoo might let him put his tongue inside—
He shoots out of his desk and shoves his phone into his pocket, slamming his laptop shut and sweeping it into his bag with an uncaring arm. He jiggles the zipper shut and gives the professor an apologetic smile as he leaves the classroom, cock half hard.
[1:40 pm] Sunoo: are you gonna come fuck me or should i text someone else
[1:40 pm] Me: omw
~
“Took you long enough,” Sunoo says, dragging Sunghoon into his dorm. He’s wearing a massive shirt that might belong to Sunghoon and a pair of tiny briefs that make sparks pop behind his eyes.
“I was in class,” Sunghoon protests, dropping his backpack on the ground and shrugging off his zip up when Sunoo paws at it.
Sunoo grabs the back of his neck and yanks him down into a kiss, pulling him toward his bed and then shoving him down onto it. “Don’t care,” Sunoo says, words pitched directly into Sunghoon’s open mouth, and he decides not to care either. “Wanna ride you,” he mumbles, shoving Sunghoon’s shirt over his belly before going for the button on his jeans.
Sunghoon tugs his shirt over his head and leans in to catch him in another kiss, sucking on his bottom lip until Sunoo whines. “Whatever you want,” Sunghoon breathes, just to feel Sunoo’s hands fumble with the zip of his pants.
“Be quiet,” Sunoo says, not particularly convincing when his voice is all breath. Still, Sunghoon obeys, licking into his mouth and lifting his hips so Sunoo can tug his clothes all the way off. He shucks his briefs and climbs into Sunghoon’s lap. He ducks away from Sunghoon’s mouth to rip a condom open with his teeth, reaching down between them to roll it over him.
“Did you prep already?” Sunghoon asks, smearing messy kisses into Sunoo’s throat.
“Yeah,” Sunoo says, rocking forward to catch the head of Sunghoon’s cock on his hole. He grinds, letting it slip forward to nudge against his balls and back into the cup of his hand. “You can finger me after,” Sunoo says, mouth in a crooked, smug grin that Sunghoon aches for. “Since you love feeling how—fucked out you leave me,” he murmurs, voice cracking as Sunghoon finally sinks into him.
He goes slow and Sunghoon doesn’t rush him. He kisses his throat and reaches down to cup the backs of his thighs, keeping him from slipping too far too fast. “Good?” he asks, fingers flexing on his soft skin.
Sunoo groans and links his fingers behind Sunghoon’s neck. “Yeah, fuck. Just what I wanted.” The half moaned praise makes Sunghoon glow with pride.
His hands slip from Sunoo’s thighs to his hips, the hem of his loose shirt draping over his wrists. “Is this mine?” he asks, plucking at the dark fabric. There’s a bulge where Sunoo’s cock rubs against the inside of it. He’s probably sweating by now, the fabric sticking to his soft skin.
Sunoo laughs, nails digging into his shoulders as he bottoms out. “Oh, wow. I can feel how much you like that idea.” Sunghoon flushes, ears and cheeks burning as he tries to duck away from Sunoo’s stare. He shifts his hands, grabbing Sunghoon’s shoulders to shove him until his back is flat against the mattress. His eyes are glimmering and two bright spots of color sit on the tops of his cheeks. He drags his nails over Sunghoon’s chest and settles his hands on his belly as he lifts himself up. He doesn’t move to take the shirt off.
“Yeah, it's yours,” Sunoo says. He finds his rhythm fast—too fast for Sunghoon’s sanity—eyes glazing with pleasure as he bounces on Sunghoon’s cock like he was made to do it. “I fingered myself in it before I took the photo for you. Got it all messy.” Sunghoon groans, head tipping back as he reaches up to grab onto Sunoo’s hips again. It doesn’t help. He still feels like he’s drowning without anything to hold onto. “You don’t mind, do you? You’ll let me keep it?”
“Shit,” Sunghoon hisses, toes curling into the carpet as he tries not to come. Pathetic , he thinks, vague and far off. Sunoo feels good, he always feels good, but it's his words that are getting to Sunghoon, now, stoking that awful, possessive sickness inside of him until it feels like a fever. “Yeah, fuck, whatever you want,” he says, and this time it sounds like a promise.
~
Sunghoon doesn’t know why he asks.
They’re sitting together on his bed, his laptop overheating on his thighs while Sunoo cuddles into his side to see the screen better. It isn’t abnormal for Sunoo to be so close, but it is abnormal for him to be so sweet about it. There’s no sharp elbow digging into Sunghoon’s side or long whining about what they’re going to have for dinner. Sunoo isn’t even trying to pretend like he doesn’t want the affection, he’s just soaking it up with Sunghoon’s arm around his shoulders, his chest as his pillow.
It makes something inside him ache, that same thing that throbs every time Sunoo looks at another guy, that same thing that makes him ask—
“Are you hooking up with other people?”
He hears the words a second, a third time after he says them, echoing in his ears like someone hit him in the back of the head with a bat. The humiliation washes over him so hot and fast that it feels like ice water, settling like a fever behind his eyes. He knows Sunoo’s answer before he even opens his mouth, because Sunoo could have anyone he wants and everyone wants him. And that thing inside him threatens to burst now, to leech that sick possession out into the rest of his body, where he won’t be able to control it anymore. He always does this: shows too much of himself and then wonders why he has to pick up the pieces alone.
Sunoo doesn’t pull away, but it's a close thing. Even through a thick sweatshirt—Sunghoon’s sweatshirt, draped over his tiny frame—he can feel the tension that winds through his back, the way his breathing trips in his chest. “Yeah. Here and there, when you’re busy,” he says. Sunghoon’s heart trips in his chest. He’ll never be busy ever again if it means that Sunoo only looks at him.
Sunoo twists to look up at him, shoulders wedged awkwardly up against Sunghoon’s side as his hand falls over his belly instead of his back. He must see something on Sunghoon’s face, because his brows lift and he asks, “Does that bother you?”
The words—the lie—stick in his throat and he has to swallow hard before he can respond. “Of course, not. I am too, you know,” he says, trying to force his mouth to curve into a normal teasing smile, trying not to let the feverish heat of his humiliation bloom across his cheeks.
For a second, something flashes on Sunoo’s face, something close to pity—and Sunghoon is certain that his own awful, confusing desperation is written across him in plain ink. His heart leaps into his throat as he waits for Sunoo to let him down easy, to confirm every one of Sunghoon’s worst fears.
But the second passes, Sunoo’s face smooths out, and he lifts his shoulder in an easy shrug before turning back toward the laptop. He’s laying on Sunghoon’s stomach now, too low to hear the thunderous beat of his heart.
~
[6:59 pm] Sunoo: wyd
[7:00 pm] Me: working on a project
[7:04 pm] Me: come over?
~
“Thought you had a project to work on?” Sunoo gasps, heel skidding across the sheets as Sunghoon twists his fingers inside of him.
“Busy,” he mumbles, licking the inside of Sunoo’s thigh and then sinking his teeth into the soft give of it. He used too much lube again, and because they’re at his place it's the cheap stuff that goes tacky in the palm of his hand as it runs out of Sunoo. For some reason, he isn’t complaining, just clenches around Sunghoon’s fingers and knots his fingers into the sheets. “Do you like rimming?” Sunghoon asks, buoyed by Sunoo’s sudden lack of nagging.
“Fuck,” Sunoo says, half a laugh around the word. “Yeah. Just—” he breaks off for a second, panting at the ceiling as he yanks his shirt up over his head. His chest is coated in a thin sheen of sweat and his pretty cock is hard on his belly, curved against his navel. “Uh, fuck, just keep your fingers inside and lick between them. Be messy, it’s fine,” he says and Sunghoon is momentarily stunned.
He’s used to Sunoo directing him, has come to expect it so that they can both finish with minimal embarrassment and only the good kind of laughter, but he’s always a little mean about it. Sunghoon has come to like that part, stomach always going hot with the way Sunoo’s words cut through him and how he plays up his disappointment even if his cock is hard and his hole is tight around him. But this time, Sunoo is nice about it, and all Sunghoon can do is lean in and obey.
He spreads his fingers a bit, trying to squirm his tongue between them. Sunoo is tight, probably too tight for what Sunghoon is trying to do to him, but Sunoo is wheezing above him, letting out these half broken whimpers that Sunghoon has never heard from him before—so he doesn’t pull back. He redoubles his efforts, curling his fingers up inside of him, tongue pushing deeper as spit dribbles over his bottom lip.
Sunoo doesn’t complain once. He keeps making those sweet, pathetic noises, thighs trembling against Sunghoon’s ears as he swirls his tongue inside him. “God—fuck, you’re good with your mouth,” Sunoo whines, a laugh spilling out of him again and heat washes through Sunghoon. “Do you want to fuck me?” Sunoo asks suddenly, thighs falling open.
Sunghoon draws back far enough to look up at him, rocking his jaw back and forth as the soreness settles in. “Wanna make you come,” he says, pulling his fingers out of him to smear lube and spit just behind his balls. Sunoo jumps beneath him, another rough noise punched out of him. “If this’ll do it, I can wait.” When Sunoo blinks up at him, mouth parted with surprise, Sunghoon burns. “Sorry. We don’t have to, either. You can—I can—”
“Put your mouth back on me,” Sunoo says, tilting his hips up until Sunghoon slips his fingers back inside of him. He’s looser now, somehow hotter around his fingers and Sunghoon’s cock throbs. “Make me come and I’ll let you fuck me later,” Sunoo says. He reaches up and knots his fingers in Sunghoon’s hair, urging him down with a desperation that Sunghoon has never seen from him before.
He does as he’s told, fucking Sunoo open with three fingers and his tongue until he comes all over his soft belly. Sunoo showers while Sunghoon works on some homework. They kill almost two hours together before Sunoo pulls him back into bed and rides him just how Sunghoon likes.
~
Sometimes Sunghoon misses skating. The breathless moment right before landing a jump, the imminent threat of injury, the perfect precision he was able to achieve with his body. Being scored down to the smallest misstep, always knowing exactly what he needs to do next time to be better. No one ever scores him anymore, and he finds himself floundering, still breathless like the moment before his skate catches the ice again, but blind as he fumbles through the rest of his life.
He has no idea what he and Sunoo are doing. He has no idea what he is doing with Sunoo , considering he doesn’t seem to possess half the anxieties that Sunghoon does about their… whatever it is they’re doing.
Sunoo is the first person he texts in the morning. The only person he texts. He’s the one that Sunghoon sends pictures of cute animals or random screenshots of articles to. They eat most of their meals together, Sunoo has a section in his closet, and Sunghoon knows all of his favorite songs. It’s too much, he knows it’s too much, that he’s going to go insane if he keeps running head first into this, if he keeps blindly going through it without a single score to point him in the right direction—but what else can he do? He’s in too deep. He was in too deep that first night they met at the party, when Sunoo kissed him and he tasted like artificial peach and smelled like the spicy sweet cologne that he puts on every morning.
It becomes all the more obvious that Sunghoon is in over his head at another shitty house party in the middle of spring quarter. He’s coming out of the bathroom holding a lukewarm beer in the crook of his elbow while wiping his wet hands on the front of his shirt. He spots Sunoo immediately, only a few paces away, leaning on Jungwon and giggling at him. He’s hard to miss in a tiny pair of jean shorts and a tank cut crookedly over his belly. The music is quieter here, quiet enough for Sunghoon to catch the tail end of Sunoo’s sentence.
“I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here for summer!” he squeals, and Sunghoon’s heart leaps into his throat. He freezes right in front of the bathroom, ignoring the random frat guy elbowing past him as Sunoo tips his head onto Jungwon’s shoulder and says, “‘M so tired of our dorm, Wonie. It’ll be good to get out of the city for a few months, too.”
And suddenly, Sunghoon feels like he’s drowning in whatever it is that they’re doing, choked by his own adoration and inadequacy.
~
[2:33 am] Sunoo: hooooooooooonoe wher r u
[2:33 am] Me: left early wasn’t feeling well
[2:35 am] Me: sorry
[2:36 am] Sunoo: shouldce gpt mr woyldce takem cate og u
[2:37 am] Sunoo: miss u hoon
[2:38 am] Sunoo: wnat u so baaaaaasaddd
[3:17 am] Sunoo: hey its jungwon sorry if he kept you up
[3:17 am] Sunoo: just got him home safe!! sorry you werent feeling good :(
[3:17 am] Sunoo: sweet dreams
[12:43 pm] Sunoo: just woke up fuck
[12:43 pm] Sunoo: sorry for the drunk texts i was really horny lol
[12:46 pm] Sunoo: how are you feeling now?
~
It shouldn’t matter, none of this was supposed to matter. Sunghoon has known the score, has always tried to keep it in mind—but it wasn’t enough. Because now he’s curled into a ball on top of his lumpy mattress at three in the morning scrolling back and forth through Sunoo’s Instagram like it might unlock some mystery of him. Sunghoon always knew this wouldn’t last, that this isn’t really anything at all. Trying to convince himself of that just makes the burn worse. His chest is an inferno, sparking hot and burning fast as he thumbs through strangers’ comments on one of his selfies, measuring himself against their arrogance or blithe friendliness.
He’ll burn out soon. He’ll be left smokey and sooty and completely empty. All because Sunoo is moving away for the summer and there’s no world in which they’ll be able to keep this going. The knotted cord that attaches them will be severed and Sunoo will be fine and Sunghoon will be destroyed.
There’s a knock at his bedroom door and he wants to bury under his quilt and never come out. Instead, he rolls over and calls for Jake to come in. He appears, sleep rumbled and half lidded, stumbling over the mess on Sunghoon’s floor to crawl into bed with him. He wraps him up into a suffocating, strong hug, that Sunghoon is forced to relax into.
Sunghoon hasn’t told him anything, but he’s sure that Jake has guessed the outlines of it. He pets a hand through Sunghoon’s greasy hair and then squeezes the back of his neck. “Did you ever talk to him about it?” he asks, voice thick with sleep. Sunghoon wonders what woke him up. Maybe his misery is so palpable that it drew Jake out of his bed to comfort him.
“No,” Sunghoon whispers, mashing his nose into Jake’s sternum. He doesn’t want to talk about it, but that fire is dimming in his chest, leaving him burnt out and breathless. “We were never even together,” he murmurs and is horrified to find that it sounds like he’s about to cry.
Jake hums. He scratches between Sunghoon’s shoulder blades in that way that always releases the tension out of his entire body. “You weren’t,” he says, and Sunghoon’s heart lurches in his chest. “But that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt.”
And for the first time in over a year, Sunghoon cries. He cried when he came out, scared that speaking it made it real, scared that he was lying to himself one way or another. Jake held him then too, just like he holds him now—like he’s trying to protect Sunghoon from the rest of the world.
“I’m gonna get over him,” Sunghoon says, wiping his nose on the back of his hand.
Jake stays silent and holds him even tighter.
~
[12:13 am] Sunoo: are you awake?
[12:13 am] Me: yeah
[12:15 am] Sunoo: can I come over?
[12:21 am] Me: yeah
~
Sunghoon doesn’t get over him.
He rekindles the ash in his chest through the last weeks of classes and into finals. The year is over and Sunghoon is still desperately in love with Sunoo. Each time he comes over, Jake gives Sunghoon a look, something like pity or worry and he ignores it. He can enjoy this for a little longer and then give it a clean break.
He and Sunoo don’t talk about it. He assumes that Sunoo isn’t even thinking about it. So they don’t talk about it. They go to class, they study, they fuck, and then it’s over. There’s one last party to attend, thrown by one of Heeseung’s friends, and then Sunoo will be gone. Sunghoon promises himself that he’ll enjoy it, get one last moment in his sun, and then let Sunoo sever the cord.
~
The party is bigger than he thought it would be. The crowd spills out of the frat house and onto the lawn, leaving pockets of people dancing, talking, and drinking in the humid air. He and Sunoo were supposed to meet at the party, but Sunghoon’s mood has soured. Jake is close at his elbow, unable to suppress his worried energy as Sunghoon knocks back drink after drink and tries not to look .
To look at Sunoo, who’s been dancing with one guy after another, dressed in skimpy shorts and a see through shirt and practically doused in body glitter. He spins from one pocket of people to another, pink cheeked and giggling, trailed by Jungwon. Guys pull him close at every chance they get, putting their massive hands on his tiny body, fingers dipping beneath waistbands and hems and Sunoo is loving it.
Sunghoon thought he had burned out, he thought he could manage this, but the inferno is back, growing hotter and hotter with every drink he slams. He can’t even settle into the buzz, not when he’s obsessively tracking the sinuous, beautiful twist of Sunoo’s body—moving farther and farther away from him.
“Hoon, slow down,” Heeseung cuts in and Sunghoon looks away from where Sunoo is back to chest with some jock. He turns to find both him and Jake staring at him, brows furrowed in a way that makes Sunghoon think they’ve been trying to catch his attention for a while.
He bends over and sets his drink down on the lawn. “Sorry,” he says, straightening up and tucking his hands into his pockets. Jake gives him a long look, before Heeseung pulls his attention away. Sunghoon is grateful. He doesn’t want Jake’s worry right now, not when he’s so deep in his own pity.
He looks back to the crowd and for one breathless moment, he can’t see Sunoo. His heart lurches against his ribs, hope blazing up the column of his spine as he searches and searches. Maybe Sunoo is finally coming to find him, maybe they can have one more night—
He sees him. This time pressed between two tall frat guys that Sunghoon vaguely recognizes as the guys who were watching the door earlier. They have their hands all over him, a knee between his legs, a palm on his belly while Sunoo tips his head back onto one of their shoulders. The party around him slows, sound fading until it’s only the erratic thump of his heart and the low rush of blood in his ears. He watches as Sunoo’s head tips forward and twists, his pretty pink face finally turned Sunghoon’s way. He watches as he opens his eyes properly, feels the electricity as their eyes lock.
The moment stretches. Water rushes down into Sunghoon’s lungs and he’s drowning, he’s staring at Sunoo and he’s begging for him to choose, to choose him, to prove that Sunghoon isn’t alone in this maelstrom. Sunoo blinks first. His face tilts toward the sky and the party crashes back in around them.
Sunghoon feels nauseous, alcohol catching up with him, burning and drowning as he turns away from his friends. “I have to go,” he says, ignoring the calls of his name as he ducks into the house. The music is louder here, pushing hard on his eardrums and vibrating through his ribs as he tries to push through the crowd. Pretty girls and guys alike try to make eyes at him, but their faces swirl in the flashing lights, worsening his nausea. He fights through the front door and then spills out onto Greek row, where similar parties are raging up and down the street.
The cool air washes over his cheeks and ruffles his sweaty hair, taking down his nausea until he can orient himself toward his apartment. It’s a quick walk, quicker when his mind is busy turning over that single moment again and again, wondering if he didn’t do enough, wondering if he was never obvious enough, wondering why he’s never been enough for Sunoo, what he could have done differently—
He slams the door to his apartment closed behind him and goes to the bathroom. He sticks his head under the cool gush of water, trying to rinse away these useless, looping thoughts. It’s over now. It never even really started. Clean break, he always wanted to give them that. He can give them that—like a quick stop on the ice. There’s always a moment where your momentum wants to throw your body forward, center of gravity tipping to try and throw your head down against the ice. But you find your balance again. That’s all he needs to do now.
He pulls his head out of the sink and wipes the water from his face, forcing his breathing back into a normal rhythm. He towels his hair dry and pushes it off his forehead, heading to his room to change out of his tight jeans and singlet. A knock at his front door makes him frown.
Jake forgets his keys all the time, but surely he didn’t follow Sunghoon back from the party of the year. His stomach goes sour as he sighs and pivots toward the door. “You didn’t need to follow me, Jake. I’ll be fine—” He breaks off as he tugs the door open and finds Sunoo standing there, face flat, arms crossed over his chest. He looks up at Sunghoon and uncurls slightly, even though Sunghoon can see the goosebumps on his arms.
His well trained manners kick in and he steps out of the doorway. “You must be cold,” he says, in lieu of any normal greeting.
Sunoo doesn’t bother replying as he kicks off his shoes and walks into their tiny living room. Sunghoon shuts the door and follows, feeling woefully out of his depth as Sunoo sighs and puts his hands on his hips. “What’s wrong with you?” he asks, voice sharp and face drawn, like Sunghoon has already said something unfortunately blunt.
He swallows hard and something sticks in his throat. “I’m not feeling well,” he says. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, he feels restless and prickly as Sunoo stares him down, eyes flickering across his face like he’s searching for something.
He gives a tight shake of his head, making his dark hair bounce. “No. No. I let you get away with that once, you’re not getting it again. Tell me what’s wrong,” he says, voice rising.
Sunghoon doesn’t understand what’s happening. It feels like they’re in a fight, only Sunghoon doesn’t know what he did wrong, what Sunoo is asking of him—and Sunoo is staring up at him like he’s a terrible person. His throat is dry and all he can do is cross his arms over his chest and cup his elbows to hold himself together.
Sunoo turns away from him with a frustrated noise, pacing half way across his living room before turning on his heel and striding back. “I followed you—” His voice trembles and then cracks, and Sunghoon’s eyes are burning. “I followed you all the way here and if you just stand there and tell me that everything is fine, then I’m going to believe you. And where does that leave us?” Sunoo asks. He says it all in one breath, anger fading out into something like desperation, and Sunghoon feels more confused than ever. He can’t fit the pieces together, this desperate, angry Sunoo with the one that he knows, the one that he thought he knew.
“Why did you follow me?” he asks, mind getting caught on the wrong detail—as always.
Something sparks behind Sunoo’s eyes as he paces again, this time for longer, chewing at his bottom lip while his eyes track frantically across the carpet. “Do you really think I was dancing with all of those guys for fun?” he finally asks. Sunghoon expects to hear anger again, but instead, Sunoo just sounds tired. Tired and desperate for Sunghoon to understand.
He stares down into Sunoo’s face, replaying that moment at the party again, trying to fit these two pieces together—and something sparks. “You were waiting for me to do something?” he says, morphing it into a question again, hoping that he got it right.
Sunoo deflates. He rubs a hand across his face, smearing his eye makeup and spreading glitter across his cheeks. He gives Sunghoon a small, sad smile and says, “I’m always waiting for you to do something.” Sunghoon breathes. His heart beats. A fire burns and Sunoo keeps going, in that same soft, sad voice. “All I want is for you to do something. To tell me not to see other people. To tell me how you feel. I…” he trails off, eyes shutting like he can’t find anything else to say.
Sunghoon steps forward. Following those familiar threads of desperation, of sorrow, of need, and confusion to take Sunoo’s hand. “Don’t see other people,” he says. He forces the words up out of his belly and past his teeth, desperate to say it all before he loses his nerve, before he convinces himself that this isn’t what Sunoo means. “Stay with me.” Sunoo looks up at him and something cracks open, some hidden reservoir of want that he must have been guarding zealously. “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified. I lied about hooking up with other people. I’m sorry I didn’t call you last summer.” Sunoo falls into him, arms around his waist, glittery face pressed between his collarbones and Sunghoon feels his entire body come alive at the real, tender press of him. “I thought I would ruin everything by telling you,” he whispers, finally letting his arms encircle Sunoo.
He surges up into a kiss, hands cupping Sunghoon’s cheeks. The force of it is enough to send him stumbling into the wall, hands falling to Sunoo’s hips as he gasps into his mouth. They’ve kissed a hundred times before, but nothing feels quite like this: Sunoo licking into his mouth and trying to climb up the length of his body, desire mixing with desperation, like he’s finally let himself feel everything after months of holding back. Sunghoon kisses him, sucking on his tongue and sneaking his hands up beneath Sunoo’s top, needing to get as close as possible.
“I didn’t think you remembered,” Sunoo breathes and a hairline crack runs through Sunghoon’s heart at his sad, sweet tone. “I lied too.” Sunoo licks the corner of Sunghoon’s mouth. “I wasn’t hooking up with anyone else. It’s only ever been—fuck, it’s only ever been you,” he laughs, like he can’t quite believe what he’s saying and Sunghoon ducks in to kiss him again, thumbing at his hips and trying to pull him as close as possible. “I’m sorry,” Sunoo whispers, head tipping back so Sunghoon can kiss his trachea. “I just couldn’t… I was so scared, I’m sorry.”
Sunghoon reaches up and cups the back of his head, urging their mouths back together, thumbing gently behind the shell of his ear. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he says, tonguing the words into Sunoo’s mouth until he’s weak kneed. “You were brave tonight. Brave for both of us. Thank you,” he says, and it’s an apology, and a promise, and everything he’s been wanting to give Sunoo for months.
Sunoo yanks him into another kiss, spit slick and messy and Sunghoon groans. His slim little fingers thread through Sunghoon’s hair, tugging on it as his teeth bite into his bottom lip. There’s a frantic energy around him, a desperation that Sunghoon has never felt from him before. He cradles Sunoo’s skull and tries to gentle him down, curling his tongue into his mouth and feeling his entire body throb when Sunoo whimpers. He pulls back, breath damp on Sunghoon’s swollen mouth. “Please, please fuck me,” he breathes.
Sunghoon strokes his hands from Sunoo’s head, over his neck, down his shoulders, mapping out each inch of his body. His hands settle at his waist, fingers rough against the loose weave of his shirt. “You don’t have to beg,” Sunghoon murmurs. He kisses the corner of Sunoo’s slack mouth. He thumbs at his sides, a gentle, adoring touch that has Sunoo listing into him. “Just ask, and I’ll give it to you,” he says, voice soft against Sunoo’s cheek.
Sunoo nods, making a soft needy noise as he lets go of Sunghoon’s hair to wrap his arms around his shoulders. “Want you to fuck me. Want you to do whatever you want to me.” His words run together, breath shuddering out of his mouth as he scratches over the fabric of Sunghoon’s shirt. “Want—want,” he whines, face tipping into Sunghoon’s shoulder as if his embarrassment has gotten the better of him.
“It’s alright, honey,” Sunghoon murmurs. He kisses the hot curve of Sunoo’s ear and spins him, helping him walk backward toward his bedroom. Sunoo’s hand cups the back of his neck, holding tight as Sunghoon lays him down in bed and crawls over top of him. Sunoo is still hiding, mouth wet and breath damp against his collarbone. “Ask me,” Sunghoon says, bracing himself on his elbow while his other hand drags over Sunoo’s chest and belly. “Ask me, baby, and I’ll give it to you.”
Sunoo twists under the broad, easy strokes of his hand, arms finally loosening from Sunghoon’s neck to let him fall back onto the pillows. He stares at Sunghoon with big, glassy eyes, wrists crossed above his head like an invitation. All at once, the intensity of Sunoo’s vulnerability hits him, the sudden depth of his submission. This is something that he’s been hiding from Sunghoon, something that he’s been protecting, waiting to be able to trust him—and now he can.
“Want you to put your fingers in my mouth—your cock, make me gag and call me good,” he breathes, voice so small, so careful.
Sunghoon has to reward him. He leans in, moving until he’s close enough to grind between his legs. He licks the tips of his fingers and runs them over one of Sunoo’s nipples, waiting for the sinuous twist of his body to settle before he speaks. “I can do that for you, baby. What else?”
Sunoo’s eyes squeeze shut, a shaky breath spilling out of his mouth before more words follow. “You can’t be mean to me. Want you to… tease, take your time but—but I’m good. Don’t want to be bad.” The flush that started on his cheeks has suffused down over his jaw and throat. Sunghoon has to resist the urge to bite him.
“I won’t be mean to you, sweetheart,” Sunghoon says, squeezing his hips.
Sunoo squirms, knees knocking against Sunghoon’s ribs before he settles again. “Want you to fuck me. I already prepped so you can just—push right into my belly and—” He opens his eyes then, showing Sunghoon the bottomless depth of his want as he says, “You can do it raw.”
It hits Sunghoon like a punch to the solar plexus, leaving him breathless and aching. Sunoo just keeps blinking up at him, open and sweet and soft—not a hint of that smugness that Sunghoon has come to expect from him. He swallows hard and nods. “Okay, baby.”
Sunoo melts under the promise, eyes falling closed, swollen lips parting as his hands flex lazily above his head. Sunghoon dips in to kiss him again, cock rubbing between Sunoo’s legs as his hands settle around his ribcage. Already, Sunoo is wrecked, mouth slack and tongue soft when Sunghoon kisses him. He barely bothers to reciprocate, too busy arching under Sunghoon’s body and whining out the prettiest noise that Sunghoon has ever heard.
He draws away, tongue lapping at Sunoo’s bottom lip, before he raises his hand. He holds his breath at the top of the inhale, hardly daring to blink as he touches the pad of his middle finger to Sunoo’s bottom lip. Instantly, he whimpers, tongue flicking out to taste him, eyes fluttering open. He looks up at Sunghoon from beneath his lashes, mouth opening even wider—a silent plea for Sunghoon to keep his promise.
He exhales, suddenly dizzy, and pushes his middle finger inside. He expects Sunoo to close his mouth and suck at it, but he keeps his jaw hanging open, spit bubbling at the corners of his mouth as Sunghoon slips deeper. Sunoo gags, a soft wet noise that shouldn’t make Sunghoon’s cock throb. It does. He’d never realized how small Sunoo’s mouth is. He’d always been so careful when sucking Sunghoon’s cock, wrapping his hand around the base so he never choked. But now, fuck drunk and hazy, he gags easily, tongue rolling beneath Sunghoon’s finger as he eases back.
Sunoo’s whine is cut off when Sunghoon presses in with his middle and ring finger. He pets over the pink slip of Sunoo’s tongue and then pushes deep, holding his breath when Sunoo gurgles and gags around them. He’s still staring up at Sunghoon, eyes heavy lidded, tears clotted in his lashes. Sunghoon eases back and exhales. “Good boy,” he murmurs, voice rough and low. Sunoo jerks under him, hands shifting to press palm to palm, fingers lacing together.
Sunghoon spreads his fingers, letting Sunoo tongue at the webbing between them as he rubs over his molars. His pointer and pinky press at Sunoo’s soft cheeks as spit smears down his chin. A smirk cuts across Sunghoon’s face as the rush of power hits him. “Gorgeous boy,” he says, spreading his fingers wide enough to rub at the squishy insides of his cheeks. Sunoo whines, tears finally falling as he closes his eyes.
Sunghoon groans and tugs his fingers free. He wipes them on the pillow case beside Sunoo’s head and then cups his face, thumb swiping the tears off his cheek. He curves over him to lick into his mouth, tongue dipping into the pool of spit behind his bottom teeth. “Get up, baby. Want your mouth on my cock now,” he whispers, dropping a kiss on the corner of Sunoo’s mouth.
He pulls away and Sunoo blinks up at him slowly. Then, he nods and disentangles himself from Sunghoon. He grins and follows, catching Sunoo’s hips so he doesn’t stumble as he stands. Sunghoon sits on the edge of the mattress, hands tight on Sunoo to keep him from dropping to his knees like he so obviously wants to. “Clothes off first, baby, want to see you.”
Sunoo hums and reaches down to unbutton his shorts. He strips quickly and shamelessly, baring his round hips and soft thighs. The curve of his belly and the cut of his waist, the flare of his ribcage and his tight, pink nipples. Sunghoon memorizes him: the tender insides of his elbows, the pinch of flesh at his armpit, and of course, his cock. He’s hard and dripping, curved up against his belly with his balls tight between his legs. Sunghoon reaches out to fondle them, thumb pressing at the base of Sunoo’s cock until his knees are knocking and he has to steady himself on Sunghoon’s shoulders. “So pretty, gonna make me feel so good, aren’t you baby?”
Sunoo nods, fingers curling up in Sunghoon’s shirt as he taps his thumb against the tip of his cock. His mouth is watering, hands trembling with a sudden need to disrupt all their plans to have Sunoo fuck his throat instead. It’s only his promises that hold him back, that have him letting go of Sunoo’s cock to open his jeans. He reaches back and grabs a pillow to drop between his feet. Sunoo kneels without needing instruction, some of that haze clearing from his eyes as he knocks Sunghoon’s hands away to pull him out of his briefs himself.
He wraps a hand around him and braces his other hand on his hip, fingers dipping beneath the hem of Sunghoon’s shirt. The touch his electric and Sunghoon knots his fingers into the sheets, promising himself that he won’t do anything embarrassing. “Let me…” Sunoo trails off, smearing a messy kiss against the head of his cock. He lifts his hand, easing Sunghoon’s foreskin back so he can tongue at his slit. Sunghoon hisses, head falling back as his heart jitters in his chest. “I’ll do it first,” he says, words slurred where his mouth is pressed tight to Sunghoon’s cock. “Then you can help me, okay?”
Sunghoon forces his head forward, chin against his collarbones to look down at Sunoo. “Yeah, baby. Just tell me when, and I’ll help you.” Sunoo blinks up at him, mouth wet and soft against the head of his cock, and Sunghoon’s cock drips onto his lips.
He grins when Sunoo pulls back, mouth messy and gaze hazy again. He shifts on his knees, rising up a bit higher. Sunghoon spreads his legs wider, making it easier for Sunoo’s broad shoulders to fit between his thighs. Sunoo purses his lips and a thick line of drool splatters onto Sunghoon’s cock. He groans, a shudder rolling down his spine as Sunoo chases the mess with his mouth. He presses down and down, until his lips are pressed against the top of his fist. It’s wet and hot and almost brings tears to Sunghoon’s eyes as he watches Sunoo blink frantically.
Then, he sags forward, eyes falling shut as he lets go of Sunghoon’s cock. He takes it all, nose pressed into Sunghoon’s trimmed pubes. He can only hold it there for a second, before he gags—hard. He pulls back just far enough to breathe, Sunghoon’s cock already coated with spit. He opens his mouth to try and gentle Sunoo down, but he’s already falling forward again, face slack with pleasure as he chokes himself. Sunoo starts a punishing rhythm, barely letting himself breathe before he’s gagging again, making spit and pre-come splatter over Sunghoon’s groin.
It’s sloppy and gross and Sunghoon thinks this is the hardest he’s ever been. Sunoo sucks hard when he draws off and swallows when Sunghoon is crammed into his throat. He whimpers with every push into his mouth, tongue rubbing at the underside of his length until he’s gagging at the base. Sunghoon can’t catch his breath, he can barely think, but he keeps staring down at Sunoo, biting his tongue hard to stave off his orgasm as he watches the pure bliss roll across Sunoo’s face.
“Pretty boy,” Sunghoon groans, thighs trembling as Sunoo’s throat spasms around the head of his cock. “Makin’ me feel so good, f-fuck Sunoo, you’re insane,” he laughs, only barely holding off his orgasm.
Sunoo pulls all the way off, viscous lines of spit dripping out of his mouth as he blinks tears out of his eyes. Sunghoon coos and reaches for him, thumb smearing spit from his chin to his cheek. Sunoo just melts into the touch, lips closing around the tip of Sunghoon’s thumb when he offers it. “Want me to help, now?” he asks, leaning into him as he cups his messy face with both hands.
Sunoo squirms, breath ragged as he turns to kiss Sunghoon’s palm. “Please, oppa. Help,” he croaks, voice wrecked and dreamy.
Sunghoon’s breath catches in his throat, but Sunoo doesn’t seem to realize what he’s said. He takes a quick breath, determined to not fuck this up. “Alright, honey, let oppa help you,” he murmurs, shifting his hands to cup Sunoo’s head, fingers lacing into his hair. After a second of thought, he stands and pushes his jeans down further. Sunoo blinks up at him, eyes tracking from Sunghoon’s face to his cock as he angles it down into his mouth. He taps the head against Sunoo’s bottom lip. “Put your hand on my thigh, baby.” Sunoo obeys, even while he laps at Sunghoon’s cock and tries to draw it further into his mouth. “Pinch me if it gets to be too much, okay?” Sunoo hums, and pinches him lightly.
Sunghoon smiles and then fucks down into his throat. Sunoo takes him, gurgling around his length and then gagging hard when Sunghoon presses deep. He coos at him, blinking his vision clear as he uses his grip in Sunoo’s hair to pull him off. Sunoo takes a quick breath, sucking at what Sunghoon leaves in his mouth, before he tugs him back on again. “Fuck,” he mutters, staring down at where Sunoo’s mouth is stretched around him, the way his eyes roll back when he presses deep, the shine of sweat on his chest and the tears on his cheeks. The rhythm is slower like this, but better, with Sunoo giving him his body and Sunghoon being careful not to hurt him.
He drags Sunoo’s mouth onto his cock again, biting his bottom lip hard as he rocks into his face. Sunoo doesn’t pinch him. He only whines and chokes again, frothy spit dripping down to where Sunghoon’s balls are pressed tight to his chin. “Good boy,” he groans, easing all the way out of his throat. Sunoo doesn’t let him get away entirely, catching the base of his cock to tap the head down against his tongue. “You’re going to kill me,” Sunghoon murmurs, reaching down to knock Sunoo’s hand away and grab the base himself.
“This what you want?” he asks, rubbing the tip of his cock against Sunoo’s tongue, teasing at choking him whenever Sunoo whimpers. “Such an obedient slut, aren’t you?” Sunoo’s eyes flutter and he rocks forward, fighting against where Sunghoon’s hand is still tight in his hair. “Pretty boy, I’ll give it to you, don’t worry—” He breaks off into a groan as he fucks down into his throat again, ignoring the burn of pleasure in favor of Sunoo’s pleased little noise.
Sunoo rocks into him harder now, still fighting against Sunghoon’s fingers in his hair, making soft unsatisfied noises. Sunghoon pulls him off again and groans. Sunoo has a hand between his legs, palm flat against his pretty little cock so he can grind up into it. He’s dripping and whining, staring up at Sunghoon with those big watery eyes that get him whatever he wants. “Ask me,” Sunghoon reminds him, tapping his cheek with two fingers.
Sunoo whines like he’s been slapped and lists forward, burying his nose against the base of Sunghoon’s cock while he laps at his balls. “Harder, please, oppa. Wanna come while you fuck my throat,” he says, words half muffled.
“Good boy,” Sunghoon says, knotting his fingers tighter in his hair to drag him back toward his cock. Sunoo follows the mean press of his hands, tongue sticking out of his mouth to try and catch Sunghoon’s cock. He grins and gives it to him, pressing down on the base of his shaft to drag it over Sunoo’s tongue before it sinks back into his throat. “Remember, honey, pinch me if you need air. I’m going to give you what you want,” he says, before he keeps his promise.
He holds Sunoo’s head with both hands and thrusts his hips, fucking past the tight squeeze of his throat, ignoring how Sunoo convulses underneath him. It’s almost too much, hot and spitty and so tight but Sunghoon squints his eyes against the pleasure and stays focused. He thrusts in hard, deep movements, forcing Sunoo to find the quick moments where he can breathe. The incessant need to come fades for a moment as he focuses on Sunoo, on giving him what he’s asked for, on whether or not he’s pinching the top of his thigh.
He doesn’t. If anything, he luxuriates in the skullfuck, gurgling around Sunghoon’s cock and humping into his own hand, blind with filthy desire as Sunghoon buries his cock deep and grinds. “Come,” he says, “wanna feel how tight your throat gets when you come into your hand.” A moment later, Sunoo convulses, spit overflowing down his chin as he comes.
Sunghoon counts to five and then pulls back, gentling his grip on Sunoo’s head as he shivers through the end of his orgasm. He leans forward, forehead against Sunghoon’s hip as he catches his breath in fits and starts. Sunghoon pets through his hair and down his neck and shoulders, working the tension out of his body until he’s limp and mouthing at his hip. “Beautiful, baby, you were perfect. Made me feel so good,” Sunghoon murmurs, buoying himself on the sound of Sunoo’s low, sweet whines.
“Oppa,” he mumbles, and Sunghoon reaches down to get an arm around his middle. He pulls him up and into bed, ignoring the mess smearing across his sheets as Sunoo settles down against the pillows. Sunghoon joins him after he kicks his jeans and briefs off, keeping gentle hands on his hips and waist as he comes back to himself.
Sunghoon expects Sunoo to curl into his side and fall asleep, to be sated and fulfilled and ready to spend the night. Instead, he grabs Sunghoon’s wrist and drags his hand to where he’s still half hard and wet with come. “More, oppa. Don’t you remember what I asked for?” Sunoo asks. His voice has that simpering, coy edge again, trying to goad Sunghoon into giving him what he wants.
Sunghoon only smiles and shifts to kneel between his legs, hands rubbing at the creases between his hips and thighs. “Is that what you want, baby? Wanna keep being good for me?”
Sunoo nods, a soft smile on his mouth even though he looks completely wrecked. “I’ve only ever come twice in one night before. You can try and break my record,” he giggles and Sunghoon follows, laughing as he presses a kiss right above his belly button.
“Alright, baby. Stay still for me.” Sunoo shivers, but when Sunghoon sweeps his broad hands over his bare belly and chest, he stays melted into the mattress, blinking sluggishly as Sunghoon licks up the center of his chest. Sunoo’s hands fall above his head once more, wrists crossed over each other, the perfect picture of submission as Sunghoon cups the flare of his ribs. His gentle touch goes tighter, thumbs snug just beneath the rise of his pecs as he lowers his mouth. He licks and sucks at the bud of Sunoo’s nipple, trying not to grin when his sleepy submission fades into a low, writhing need.
“More, more, more,” he whines and Sunghoon follows. He widens his jaw, sucking as much of Sunoo’s tit into his mouth as he can. He sucks and tongues at the hot flesh, cock throbbing when Sunoo whimpers above him. He teases at him with his teeth, scraping at the feverish skin until Sunoo is making soft, pained little noises.
He pulls back and rubs his thumb over the wet jut of his nipple. The skin around it is pink and swollen, shining with spit and marked faintly by his teeth. “Thought you liked being teased, baby,” Sunghoon says, voice low and rough. He lowers his mouth to the other side, biting harder when Sunoo squirms beneath him.
“Hurts—like it, want more,” Sunoo gasps out, body rolling until he can grind against Sunghoon’s belly. Somehow, he’s hard already, smearing a hot, wet line into Sunghoon’s skin as he whimpers at the oversensitivity.
Sunghoon hums and drags his mouth away from Sunoo’s sweet skin. Sunghoon hopes he bruises, that his bite marks will go a deep, sore purple for Sunoo to press on for the days to come. The roiling, desperate possession has him dragging his mouth to the tender, thin skin on the underside of his pec and sinking his teeth in. He gnaws at Sunoo, tongue lapping at the bruise he leaves behind. “C’mon, baby, you know what to do when you want something,” he murmurs, dragging his tongue along his ribs.
“Oppa,” he whines, twisting his face into his arm.
Sunghoon grins and cups Sunoo’s hips, holding him down against the bed as he straightens. Sunoo looks even more wrecked than before, strands of hair sticking to his sweaty forehead and cheeks, mouth slack and swollen against his own arm. “Don’t get shy on me now,” Sunghoon scolds, hands loosening so he can run his fingertips lightly over his hips and thighs. Goosebumps break out under his touch and one of Sunoo’s legs kicks out as another moan winds out of his pretty mouth.
“Touch—” He loses his breath as Sunghoon’s hands slip back into the creases between his thighs and hips, massaging the sensitive spot until he’s dripping onto his belly. Sunghoon groans, his own desperation beginning to peak at how loose and easy Sunoo is for the pleasure, giving himself over to Sunghoon so thoroughly. “Touch my cock, oppa,” Sunoo gasps, twisting his face out of his arm, tongue at the corner of his mouth as he stares up at Sunghoon with pure need.
“Good boy,” Sunghoon murmurs, letting go of his hip to tease a fingertip along the underside of his shaft. Sunoo jerks, but doesn’t try to squirm for more, and something warm blooms in Sunghoon’s chest. “Good boy, ” he says again, nails scraping lightly over his belly as he taps at the wet head of his cock. “This is what you like, isn’t it? Want me to tease you until you can’t take it?”
Sunoo nods and makes a low, miserable noise. His thighs are trembling against the bed, chest shivering on quick, desperate breaths as Sunghoon grabs his cock with his pointer finger and thumb. “Yes, yes, oppa, love it—thank you, thank you,” he moans, voice breaking apart when Sunghoon drags his fingers along his shaft.
“Pretty boy,” Sunghoon says, hand dropping lower to cup his balls. “Such a pretty little cock.” He leans closer and spits onto his chubby length, then finally wraps his hand around him properly. Sunoo wails, body twisting again, a quick bow of his spine like he isn’t sure whether he wants to fuck through Sunghoon’s fist or try to get away. Sunghoon coos and tightens his grip, forcing Sunoo back into the mattress as he rubs hard across the head. He drips onto his fingers, spitting out these quick, broken moans that make Sunghoon’s heartbeat rumble in his ears. “So messy,” he murmurs, almost without realizing, and feels Sunoo’s cock throb in his fist.
All at once, it’s too much. He gives Sunoo one tight, quick stroke before pulling away, ignoring the burst of desperate keening that he lets out. He fumbles for the lube on his nightstand and coats his fingers, rubbing them over Sunoo’s taint and then down to his hole. Instantly, Sunoo is squirming, legs trying to close. Sunghoon shoves him open again, pinning one of his knees to the mattress as he tests the give of his hole. “Oppa—your cock,” Sunoo says. “It’s fine—I need it. Don’t want fingers, just give it to me,” he babbles, thigh flexing under Sunghoon’s hand, hole fluttering like he’s trying to suck him in.
Sunghoon ignores him and slips a finger inside, vision blurring at the wet heat of him. He’s soft and loose around his finger, clamping weakly around the stretch of it when Sunghoon pushes deeper. “Nononono, oppa, you said—you said—” Sunoo is thrashing now, face twisting with misery until Sunghoon gives in and pulls his finger out.
He blankets Sunoo’s body with his own, drawing his ass up into his lap and leaning down to bracket Sunoo’s head between his forearms. “What did I say, baby? Tell me,” Sunghoon says, kissing the tears off Sunoo’s cheeks as his cock grinds into the crease of his hip.
Sunoo reaches up and wraps his arms around his neck, hands frantic where they grab at Sunghoon’s neck and shoulders and hair. He waits as Sunoo catches his breath, the desperate clench of his body loosening, his miserable desperation fading. “You said, you said—” His breath keeps hitching like he’s crying, these quick little hiccups that make Sunghoon’s heart ache. “You said I didn’t have to beg, that—that you’d give me what I want as long as I asked,” he says, voice gaining steel. Sunghoon kisses the corner of his mouth and hums, fingers raking through Sunoo’s sweaty hair. “So, give me your cock, oppa,” he says, the demand firm. “Keep your promises.”
Sunghoon crumbles. He grabs the lube and pulls just far enough away to slick his cock. After a moment of thought, he guides the bottle between Sunoo’s legs. “Gonna be cold, baby,” he murmurs, before squeezing it directly into Sunoo. “Don’t let it spill,” he says, breath sawing in and out of his throat as he fills him with more lube. Sunoo squirms, but doesn’t let it leak, a rough whine leaving him as Sunghoon tosses the bottle away and grabs the base of his cock. “Say stop if you need a second, and go if you’re ready. I’ll go slow,” he says, waiting until Sunoo nods to fit his cock against him.
Immediately, Sunoo opens for him, lube dripping out as he whispers, “Go.”
Sunghoon obeys, pushing into Sunoo in a single, smooth movement, staring down at his face and watching for any signs of discomfort. There aren’t any. Sunoo is completely blissed out, pleasure painted across his face as Sunghoon stretches him open. Lube leaks out of him, making an absolute wreck of the sheets as Sunghoon displaces more and more of it. The pleasure makes it hard to see, sparks popping behind his eyes as Sunoo just takes and takes him, soft and hot and so unbearably wet that Sunghoon can barely breathe. He keeps his hips tense, pushing in so slow, so slow it makes his spine feel melty with desire.
He’s nearly half way inside when Sunoo clenches around him. “Stop,” he says and Sunghoon freezes. He wipes his lube wet fingers on the sheets and slides his arms under Sunoo’s shoulder blades, fingers curling over his collarbones to cradle him carefully.
“Want me to pull out?” Sunghoon asks, thumbing at the balls of his shoulders.
Sunoo pinches the back of his neck and Sunghoon laughs. “That’s not what I said,” Sunoo whispers, “so don’t you dare.” Sunghoon smiles at him, so terribly fond that he has to lean in and kiss him. They kiss slow and dirty, spit rolling between their mouths until the tight clench of Sunoo’s body loosens. He exhales humid into Sunghoon’s mouth, tongue rolling over his bottom lip before he says, “Go.”
Sunghoon obeys, pushing into him again, watching as Sunoo’s face crumples down into pleasure instead of pain. “Beautiful,” he murmurs, sinking another inch before Sunoo tightens up again.
“Stop.” Sunghoon leans in to kiss him and Sunoo smiles into it. He’s faster this time, adjusting quicker to how Sunghoon is carving into him, fucking deep into his belly just how he wanted. “Go, go, oppa, please,” Sunoo whimpers. Sunghoon feels like his chest is caving in, caught between pleasure and adoration, hands tightening on the curves of his shoulders through the last short press of his cock. Sunoo gasps when they’re seated all the way together, thighs trembling where they’re thrown over Sunghoon’s lap. “Oh, oh—oppa, feels so—” He cuts himself off with a whine, head tipping back as pleasure rolls through his entire body.
“So good, baby, so good for me,” Sunghoon groans, kissing up underneath his jaw. “Feel so fucking good, sweetheart.” He gasps, trying to catch his breath, tonguing at the rapid beat of Sunoo’s pulse as his cock throbs inside of him.
“Oppa,” Sunoo whines in answer, nails clawing at his shoulders. “Fuck me—”
He’s barely finished the demand before Sunghoon is fulfilling it, first trying to rock deeper and then dragging out. Sunoo clings to him, tight and wet and perfect, choking on a sweet little noise when Sunghoon pushes back into him. “Fuck,” he groans, giving him these short little thrusts, finding it impossible to pull out of him entirely. “Feel too good, gonna make me go insane,” he mutters, chuckling when Sunoo just clenches around him and draws him deep again.
They fall apart and into each other. Sunoo’s hole clenches and sucks around him, drawing Sunghoon deep, almost refusing to let him go. Lube drips down his thighs, leaving hot wet streaks on his skin and making the filthiest noises. Sunoo doesn’t demand anything from him, doesn’t direct him, so Sunghoon follows what he has come to learn about Sunoo’s body. He fucks him with hard, deep strokes, groaning when he clenches, kissing his throat whenever Sunoo whimpers for him. He ignores the throb of his own arousal, even when it settles hard in his belly with selfish need.
It’s easy to focus on Sunoo when he’s breaking apart beneath him, panting and moaning and clinging to Sunghoon with everything he has. There, with Sunoo wrapped around him, mouth open and eyes watering, Sunghoon realizes just how much he’d been hiding all this time. Now, finally, he can give himself to Sunghoon, to the pleasure, to the submission that drapes over him in a cloudy pink haze. And Sunghoon wants to give him everything. “Perfect fucking slut,” he murmurs, shaping it like an adoration, and Sunoo whines, tilting his head to catch Sunghoon in a kiss.
He thrusts deep and stays there, rocking Sunoo down against the mattress as he presses their mouths together. It isn’t much of a kiss. Sunoo is limp beneath him, breathing hot between his lips while Sunghoon swirls his tongue in his mouth. It’s filthy and sweet and Sunoo claws at him, trying to draw him closer and closer. Sunghoon gives in, folding down against Sunoo’s chest and spreading his knees so he can fuck down into him. He pulls back and licks across Sunoo’s mouth, catching his next whine on his tongue as he thrusts again, a short, sharp movement that grinds right against his prostate. “Didn’t you say… twice in a night?” Sunghoon gasps, sparks popping across his vision when Sunoo clenches hard around him.
Sunoo whimpers and nods. “Oppa,” he breathes, lashes fluttering as the next deluge of tears rolls down his cheeks. Sunghoon hums and nips at his jaw, ignoring the ache in his lower back as he keeps driving into him. “Gonna—too fast,” Sunoo says, jutting his lip out into a trembling pout.
Sunghoon groans and sucks it into his mouth, scoring the tender flesh with his teeth and keeping up that same sharp, deep thrust that always makes him come. “Thought you wanted me to break your record, baby,” he says, words hitching and breaking as his composure flees him. Sunoo just feels too good around him, hot and wet and raw —better than Sunghoon could’ve ever imagined. “I want you to come on my cock, I want to fuck you through it and make you scream, do you want that, baby?”
“Yesyesyesyes, please—don’t stop!” Sunoo cries, leaving his mouth hanging open, desperate choked sounds spilling out of him as he comes. Sunghoon groans, fucking him through it, forcing him to loosen around his cock again as his pretty little cock spurts between their bellies. “Oppa, oppa, oppa,” Sunoo chants, gasping and whining, clawing lines from Sunghoon’s shoulders down to his hips.
“Gorgeous slut,” Sunghoon murmurs, grinning and licking the slack pout of Sunoo’s lips. “Feel so good coming on my cock.” Sunoo sucks on the tip of his tongue and Sunghoon tightens his hands around his shoulders, keeping them tight together as he starts giving him longer, easier thrusts to guide him through the oversensitivity. “Not gonna stop, baby, not unless you tell me to—” He breaks off into a moan, biting hard on his tongue as Sunoo’s cock jerks between their bellies.
“Harder, harder, oppa,” Sunoo murmurs, apparently lost to the pleasure.
Sunghoon swears and drills down into him, the smack of their skin filling the room. Still, Sunoo begs for more, head tossed back, tears dripping down toward his hairline. Sunghoon groans, arms flexing under Sunoo, hands tightening on his shoulders to pull him onto his cock. Sunoo screams, back arching and Sunghoon digs his nails into his sweaty skin, forcing Sunoo down into his thrusts, fucking into him harder and harder, until his muscles are trembling. Sunoo jerks beneath him, hands falling to grab at the sheets as another wet pulse of come smears between their bellies. “Good boy,” Sunghoon groans, satisfaction and pleasure rocking through him in quick succession. “Perfect slut, fuck.”
Sunoo trembles and trembles, orgasm stretching out as he shakes and spasms. Sunghoon eases him back down to the bed and his own desire finally hits him, sharp and hot in his belly. “Sweetheart, I’m gonna come, where do you want it?” he asks. He lets go of Sunoo’s shoulders, rocking back onto his heels as he strokes down over his chest and belly.
Sunoo’s head rolls forward, blinking sluggishly at Sunghoon as he tries to draw his knees up toward his chest. Sunghoon wraps his hands around his shins, thumbing through the spiky hair that’s growing back after the last time he shaved. He helps him nudge his knees to his chest, watching with his heart in his throat as Sunoo lifts his hands from the sheets. He grabs his asscheeks, fingers digging hard into the tender flesh to show where he’s swollen up around Sunghoon’s cock. “Inside, oppa, please,” he murmurs, voice wrecked.
Sunghoon blinks and realizes that he isn’t even trying to tease. He’s too far gone. He just wants it, and this is how he thinks he’ll get it. Sunghoon groans and fucks forward, grabbing the backs of Sunoo’s thighs to push them tight to his chest, staring down at where Sunoo is slick and wet and clinging to him. Like that, it doesn’t take long. Sunghoon thrusts twice, grinds into him, and comes with a hoarse cry of Sunoo’s name. His ears pop and his eyes squeeze shut, white hot pleasure pouring through his veins as he fills Sunoo with his load. His muscles go to jelly and he catches himself on a hand, chest pressed against Sunoo’s shins. Blindly, he manuvers them, cock slipping out of Sunoo in the process, until they’re on their sides facing each other, limbs irrevocably tangled.
For once, Sunghoon catches his breath first. He opens his eyes to find Sunoo staring up at him, eyes still glassy and wet. “You were so good, Sunoo,” he says, following instinct and bone deep adoration. His face melts into a soft smile, eyes falling shut and Sunghoon figures he said the right thing. “Absolutely perfect,” Sunghoon says, pulling him in tighter so he can press a kiss to the top of his head.
Sunoo curls up against him, shivering until Sunghoon pulls the blankets over top of them. He hopes he still has a spare set of sheets somewhere. They lay there, messy and sweaty, under his blankets until Sunoo stops trembling. Sunghoon doesn’t think for a second to move away, he doesn’t think about anything but Sunoo finally settled and peaceful in his arms—how it should have been this entire time. He exhales long and low and murmurs, “Thank you.” It’s an apology and a promise and an expression of gratitude—of love. It’s everything he can’t properly say right now and Sunoo tilts his face up toward him.
For the first time, Sunghoon can read Sunoo’s face easily. He can see all the adoration and trust and want that he’s been searching for. Sunoo doesn’t say anything and Sunghoon doesn’t need him to, not when his hands run gently over the scratches he left on his back and he stretches to kiss him. It’s quick and chaste and gives Sunghoon everything he’s ever needed. “We need a shower,” Sunoo says, tucking his face beneath Sunghoon’s chin.
“In a bit,” Sunghoon whispers, and Sunoo holds him tighter.