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used to be my own protection (not now)

Chapter 12: Abram

Summary:

Abram meets the Foxes.

Notes:

sorry for the long pause between updates! this was lying in our drafts for who knows how long - completely forgot about it :"(

chapter title taken from SLEEPS SOCIETY by while she sleeps.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

12. WHERE IT ALL BEGINS

Abram woke in the middle of the night to an empty bed. He got up slowly, still groggy with sleep, and went to the bathroom before heading downstairs in search of Andrew. He found him in the living room, sitting on the armchair with his legs pulled up and his arms wrapped around them, a lit cigarette in one hand. There was a can of beer on the coffee table along with a half-empty bowl of ice cream, both looking abandoned. A sharp beam of light from a streetlamp outside was throwing his face into shadow, making it difficult to discern his expression.

“’Drew?” Abram asked, stopping in the doorway to stifle a yawn.

Andrew didn’t move or reply for a long moment. “Go back to bed,” he said at last. His voice was hoarse and throaty as if he’d been crying, cracking around his words and slurring with exhaustion.

Concern filled Abram’s stomach. “What do you need?” he asked.

Andrew shook his head, raising the cigarette to take a long drag. His exhale was shaky, smoke rising around him and obscuring his face further.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Abram pressed.

The silence was answer enough. “Hey,” Abram said, gentling his voice as he entered the room and stopped in front of the armchair. “I’m here.”

Andrew didn’t move or look at him. He was so still, unnaturally so, and his inhales were shaky and slow. This close, Abram could see how the cigarette trembled in his hand. “Do you want to go for a drive?” Abram asked, turning and picking up the can of beer to check how full it was. It was empty. “I can drive if you’re tipsy or too tired,” he added.

It took Andrew a while to get up. He unfolded himself slowly, every movement sluggish as if he was wading through molasses. Abram made sure not to stare, taking away the ice cream and empty can to stow away and throw in the kitchen. He filled up two bottles of water and searched through the cabinets until he found Andrew’s stash of snacks, picking out a pack of cookies and some candy. When he returned, Andrew was in the hallway with his car keys clutched in one hand. He was wearing Abram’s coat, looking small in the faded and worn fabric. Abram hid his smile and picked up Andrew’s Foxes jacket, pulling it on before leading the way outside.

The night was fresh and cool outside, a break from the humidity and heat of the day, and the sun was barely peeking over the horizon. Abram took a deep breath, remembering similarly cool and dim early mornings on the road, before following after Andrew to his car. They got in quietly and Andrew peeled out of the driveway at a breakneck speed, spinning the wheel with a reckless sort of control in his movements. The car roared beneath them, keeping up with Andrew’s demands effortlessly, and the suburbia outside blurred away into open fields. Abram lowered the window and enjoyed the wind whipping into his face, grabbing Andrew’s pack of cigarettes from the dashboard and lighting one up.

Andrew didn’t spare him a glance. His knuckles were white around the wheel, a muscle jumping in his clenched jaw. Yet, his shoulders started to ease as they put more and more miles between them and Columbia, until eventually he was relaxed enough to ease up on the pedal and drive one handed, lighting up a cigarette as well with his free hand. He cut Abram a glance when they’d stopped at a red light, eyes tracing over the orange Palmetto jacket. “I want to buy you the stuff I promised for moving into the dorms today.”

His voice was calm, having lost its previous strain. “Okay,” Abram said, then pouted a little. “Just so you know, I’m not going to help you pick out clothes.”

Andrew shrugged, his lips twitching. “I didn’t expect you to. Just tell me if something triggers dysphoria for you.”

Abram nodded, realising belatedly that he’d forgotten to pull on a binder.

They still had hours to go before shops would open, so they spent some time idly driving around, switching halfway through so Andrew could eat the candy Abram had parked. Then Andrew got back in the driver’s seat and turned them towards Palmetto, stopping first in a diner so that they could have breakfast. The silence between them was comfortable, neither feeling the need to fill it with pointless chatter. Abram felt calmer than he had in weeks, happy to be next to his friend and on the road.

He’d expected the shopping trip to be anxiety inducing, as crowded spaces like shopping malls always triggered his paranoia and hypervigilance to unbearable levels. However, to his surprise, Andrew didn’t take them to the mall. Instead, he pulled Abram through quaint thrift stores and charity shops, rifling through the shelves as if he had done it multiple times before. The clothes he picked out were nice and cheap, fancier and of much better quality than what Abram was used to, and he ignored Abram’s protests at the amount he was buying, insisting that Abram couldn’t have just six outfits for his entire term at Palmetto. He also bought Abram things he hadn’t anticipated needing, like cutlery and pots and pans, along with a fox plushie that he had looked at for a moment too long.

Abram was touched and overwhelmed at Andrew’s generosity, even when he refused to let Abram pay for anything. Nobody had done so much for him, not even his mother, who had never respected his wishes and always dressed him in women’s clothing bought from Target and other cheap fast fashion outlets. He hadn’t ever had so many possessions in his lifetime before, feeling something swell in his chest at the sight of the bags they’d fit into the backseat and the trunk, all for him.

Andrew snorted at whatever expression he wore on his face. “A man can only have so many issues,” he said, but his lips were quirked up in a small smile as he turned away. Once they were in the car he extended a fist, and dropped something into Abram’s hand when he held it out.

They were keys, hanging off a small fox keychain. “For the house and the car,” Andrew said patiently, when Abram was quiet for a moment too long in his confusion. “The small key’s for my dorm, so you can come in anytime, and the big one’s for the court.”

Abram’s throat closed up, his breath hitching in his throat. “Andrew…”

Andrew reached out and closed his hand around the keys. “Breathe,” he reminded him, so gentle with his words and movements that Abram’s eyes started to sting. “You’re here, and you’re staying. You need keys for that.”

“You know they’re not just keys,” Abram protested, his voice shaking around the words as he tightened his hand around the keys hard enough for it to hurt.

Andrew was quiet for a while. He pulled out his own keyring from his pocket—it had a small skull instead of Abram’s fox, as well as a lighter connected by a chain—and thumbed through the keys until he was left with a tiny metal one the size of a fingernail. “Cass gave this one to me,” he said, his voice quiet in the silence of the car. “It was for a box I kept hidden under my closet. She said I could keep whatever was valuable to me in there, and nobody else would come looking for it or take it, because there’s only one key for it. No one else had trusted me with keys before, let alone one to protect the meagre possessions I had managed to keep after twelve houses and four orphanages. I kept it in my wallet, so it was with me when I got arrested, and it was the only thing the pigs let me keep, because it was too tiny to be used as a weapon, even to stab someone’s eye. If I had kept Aaron’s letter in there, Drake would’ve never found out, but he got to it first.”

He shook his head, and was quiet for a while. “I don’t know what she did to it after I was gone. I refused to go back after I was released, not even to get my things from the box.”

Abram swallowed hard. “I’m sorry,” he said, knowing all too well the fear of returning to your abuser’s house. “I know those things must have been valuable to you.”

Andrew shook his head again and scrubbed a hand over his face, looking exhausted. “Keep the keys, Abram,” he said, looking away. “This is your home now.”

Throat dry, Abram could only nod.

***

When they reached the dorm, the Foxes had already started moving in. They carried as much stuff as they could up the stairs before Andrew left him with them, telling him to keep an eye on them while he got the rest.

The door to Abram’s dorm opened just as Andrew disappeared into the stairwell. “Oh,” said the tall, dark-skinned man who stepped out—Matt. He grinned, recovering almost instantly, and held his hand out. “You must be Neil! I’m Matt.”

Abram nodded in greeting, shaking his hand. “Neil Josten.”

“Is this your stuff?” Matt asked, gesturing at the bags leaning against the wall. “Here, let me help you carry them in. Coach hasn’t given you the keys yet?”

“No, I haven’t seen him all morning,” Abram explained, slipping easily into a masculine sort of ease and letting his voice drop an octave lower as they headed inside. “Andrew pointed out your truck to me downstairs, so we figured I’d just wait for you outside.”

“Minyard?” Matt asked, stopping in the doorway to the bedroom and doing a double take back at him. “He helped you bring these inside?”

“Yeah,” Abram said with a shrug.

Matt whistled in surprise, but didn’t say anything more. He set the bags down on the bunk bed by the far wall. “Seth usually takes that bed and I take the lower bunk here, so the upper one is all yours! Welcome in.”

Abram nodded, looking around. The room was as small and plain as one would expect from a dorm, with a large window in the wall opposite the door and a desk below it. The beds had large dressers nestled underneath. “There’s only one closet?” Abram asked, bemused.

“Yeah,” Matt said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Public university, you know how it is. You can take most of it, since Seth and I use the dressers; we would just have to share hanger space for our jackets and stuff.”

Abram shrugged. It was much better than some of the places he and Mary had squatted in so he wouldn’t complain.

“Here, let me show you the rest of the place.” Matt said, leading him out of the room. It opened into a short hallway, at the end of which was the lone, tiny bathroom. It led back down into the living room, which had two desks pushed together below one of the two large windows. “The couch isn’t too bad, as long as you don’t mind the stains,” Matt said, clearing his throat and patting its back. “We’ve got a PlayStation here, and we usually host movie nights here with the girls as well. I hope you don’t mind.”

Abram shrugged. “I don’t care.”

Matt nodded. “The kitchenette is off towards there,” he said, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb. “It doesn’t have a lot, since we usually eat at the dining hall anyway. Do you have any more stuff?” he asked, opening the front door to glance outside.

It didn’t look like Andrew had returned yet, and Abram figured he’d probably stopped for a smoke, or gone to pick up the others. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s still in—”

“Hey!” a voice called. They turned, where someone had just stepped out of the room next to theirs. It was Dan; she greeted Matt with a kiss before turning to Abram and extending her hand. “It’s good to meet you, Neil. I’m your Captain, Dan Wilds.”

Abram nodded, shaking her hand. “Hey.”

“Are you settling in okay?” Dan asked with a grin. “Boy, am I so glad you didn’t fly the coop before you got a chance to meet with the rest of the team.”

Abram stiffened. “What?”

“I mean, not all of us are as unhinged as the monsters,” Dan said, oblivious to the warning in Abram’s tone. “When Coach told me you’d be spending the summer with them, I was scared they’d run you off before we got a chance to meet you. I almost flew over to play mediator.” She laughed a little, leaning against Matt with a relaxed smile. “I promise you, not all of us are like that.”

Abram’s ears were ringing, playing Andrew’s sobs from the previous night on repeat. “If you think they’re monsters, you don’t know shit.”

“Hey,” Matt cut in before Dan could respond, chuckling uncomfortably. “She didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just a running joke we have around here, and I promise you the mons—I mean, Andrew’s lot—don’t mind.”

“I don’t care.” Abram turned away; just then, the elevator opened, and Andrew stepped out with Nicky, Kevin and Aaron at his shoulders. They were all holding boxes, and Andrew’s jaw clenched when he saw the irritation on Abram’s face, his eyes darting between him and Dan. “Wilds, Boyd,” he said, although the words seemed more warning than greeting.

“Minyard,” Dan said, straightening. “We were just helping Neil settle in.”

Andrew ignored her, watching Abram as he closed the distance between them.

“Hey, Neil!” Nicky said, grinning widely as he set down the box in his arms to unlock the door next to Dan’s and stepped aside so the others could enter. “Are you done unpacking? Andrew said he brought you some stuff, which is great because you totally can’t survive uni with just one duffel bag, I swear to god. But anyway, Kevin’s being an ass as usual, so we were just about to drop these off and head down to the court. Will you come with us?”

“He’s not going anywhere with—”

“Yes,” Abram said curtly, cutting Dan off.

“Listen—” Dan started.

There was suddenly a hand on his shoulder.

Abram moved purely on instinct. He threw his full weight backwards, slamming the person into the wall hard enough that they immediately crumpled.

“Hey!” Matt yelled. Abram flinched hard, tearing away. He was halfway down the hallway when a voice cut across his panic.

“Abram.”

Abram stopped dead in his tracks, his chest heaving with relief. He turned, immediately calming down when he looked at Andrew’s clear, steady gaze.

“What the hell?” Dan yelled, making Abram flinch again. “What the fuck did you attack me for?”

Andrew’s gaze darkened. “Lower your fucking voice, Wilds,” he said, turning to glare at her and partially obscure Abram with his body. “One would think you’d know better than to touch someone without their consent with me on the team.”

Dan spluttered. “I was just—”

“Trying to protect him from me?” Andrew asked, something sardonic twisting his voice. “Don’t bother with the heroics. He’s already mine.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Dan hissed. “You can’t just own people! He’s new around here, and you can’t just—”

“Don’t worry about it, Dan,” Nicky said, chuckling nervously and stepping between the two. “Neil and Andrew actually go way back. They’re childhood friends.”

Dan stopped short in surprise, looking at Abram and Andrew as if she’d never seen them before. “Is this true?”

Abram didn’t want to humour her, but he wanted her on their back even less. “Yeah,” he said with a shrug, stepping closer to Andrew. “So fucking what?”

“I didn’t—”

“Are we done?” Kevin cut in, stepping into the hallway with an imperious sniff. “We’re running late for the meeting.”

Aaron stepped out behind him, not sparing them a glance as he locked the door. He headed towards the elevator and the rest of them immediately followed. Abram closed up the rear with Andrew at his side, ignoring Dan’s contrite expression.

“Sheesh,” Nicky said when the elevator doors had closed, his shoulders slumping with visible relief. “Sorry about that, Neil. Dan had no business grabbing you like that!” For a moment there was real anger in his voice, a flare of protectiveness that surprised Abram and made Andrew’s gaze sharpen with interest. “She’s so judgemental even though we’re all Foxes! And she has no right to be calling anybody a monster, let alone you, Andrew, I mean you’re—”

The elevator doors opened with a ding, cutting him off. Aaron and Kevin stepped out quickly as if they wanted no part in the conversation, but Nicky ignored the doors and looked at his cousin earnestly. “I mean it, Andrew,” he said, his voice softening. “You’re nothing like what the upperclassmen make you out to be. I know you would never hurt Neil. Let Dan think whatever the hell she likes.”

Andrew nodded stiffly, looking anywhere but at Nicky. He stepped out of the elevator but held it open for them, letting his shoulder brush briefly against Nicky as they fell into step beside each other.

Abram’s chest was warm. He was glad he wasn’t the only one in Andrew’s corner.

***

At the Foxhole Court, it didn’t take long for everyone to get settled in the lounge and for the others to arrive. Matt and Dan entered first, with Dan not meeting Abram’s eyes and Matt looking friendly yet apologetic, kind of like a golden retriever that had eaten your rug.

They were followed by a shorter Asian woman with strong shoulders and bleach-blond, shoulder-length hair whose ends were coloured in alternating pastel colors—those of the trans flag, Abram recognised with warmth in his chest, doing a double take. It was then that he noticed the cross hanging from her neck, surprised at the sight, and the hard, assessing look in her eyes that screamed ‘danger’.

“Renee,” Andrew said, inclining his head and surprising Abram with the acknowledgement.

“Good morning, Andrew,” Renee said with a warm smile, crossing the room so she was in front of him. “How was your summer?”

“Boring,” Andrew said blandly, his eyes glancing towards Abram.

Renee turned, following his gaze. “Is that the friend you texted me about?”

At Andrew’s nod, she smiled again at Abram but did not step closer, noticing how stiffly he held himself. “Hi, I’m Renee.”

Abram nodded, wary of her steely gaze. “Neil.”

“It’s good to meet you, Neil,” she said with a smile that looked genuine but Abram mistrusted anyway.

“Did Andrew tell you about Neil already, Renee?” Nicky asked, grinning. “He was a surprise to the rest of us—came out of nowhere and yet he and Andrew are as thick as thieves!”

Renee smiled again, looking curious and interested. From the corner of his eye Abram could see Dan and Matt following the conversation closely, and Aaron pausing from where he had been texting on his phone. Kevin was the only one who looked bored and uninterested, mirroring Andrew’s bland look from where the two sat next to each other. “Well,” Renee said, shooting Andrew a teasing look. “He only told me Neil was his friend when I asked him if they were getting along.”

Liar, Abram thought, catching in the look they exchanged that Andrew had said more. Not that he minded—her discretion was probably wise, considering the onlookers, and he was glad to see that Andrew had a friend on the team.

Nicky, looking excited, opened his mouth to as if to say something more, but was interrupted by the door slamming open. A tall man stalked in, looking pissed-off. He paused for a moment, glaring as he assessed the room, before stalking across and dropping next to Matt on the couch. He was followed by an equally tall white woman with long blond hair—Allison, Abram thought. She glanced around before suddenly heading straight for Abram, her heels clacking on the floor, and sitting down on the arm of his armchair.

"Look who we have here," she said with a slow smile, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, her hair brushing against his neck.

That was all it took for Abram to suddenly be drowning. He reacted violently, pushing her off him with both hands as her perfume suddenly became Lola’s, her hand like claws on his skin. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he said, standing up so she didn’t tower over him. Not waiting for a reply, he crossed the room and, at a brief nod from Andrew, sat on the arm of the couch next to him.

Across the room, Seth looked at Abram with a reassessing gaze, tipping his chin up in acknowledgement when their eyes met.

“I guess the newbie’s not into women, then,” Allison said with a haughty flip of her hair, settling down in the armchair he’d vacated.

“You shouldn’t enter people’s space without asking,” Renee said, and her tone was chiding enough that Allison looked momentarily chastised.

Just then the door opened again, making Abram flinch as it thudded against the wall. Coach walked in, holding a cane in one hand and a clipboard in the other. Despite himself, Abram stiffened and leaned slightly into Andrew at the sight of a large man with a potential weapon, his ears still ringing and his heart thudding painfully.

“Nice to see you’ve all met,” Coach said, pulling a free chair from next to the couch and sitting down on it. “Now listen up, buggers. We’ve got a few things to discuss before your physicals. Firstly—introductions. There’s your new striker Neil Josten. Neil, meet the team. Get to know them in your own time.”

A few snickers went up around the room at Coach’s dry delivery, and he waited until they had quietened before continuing.

“Here’s all the paperwork you have to sign and return before tomorrow.” He waved the clipboard around. “Next, just as always, do your physicals with Abby. Neil, I know you’ve done them already, but just for the sake of this damn paperwork go see her again. You’ll be up first. Next are Andrew and Seth. The rest of you, figure it out.”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That’s all the good news. Now the bad news.” He paused, looking around the room. “Edgar Allen is coming South.”

The room burst into an uproar. Next to Abram, Andrew stiffened with his whole body. His own heartbeat turned rapid, pounding in his ears. The Ravens; Riko was coming South. Why? Did he know already? Had he guessed? If he knew then Abram was dead. If he found out—

Through the ringing in his ears, he realised the room had gone dead silent around him. For a second they thought they were all staring at him, but then heard panicked gasping next to him and realised that they were looking at Andrew and at Kevin, who seemed to be having a panic attack.

“Kevin, Kevin, Kevin,” Andrew crooned, but there was something dangerous in his voice Abram had never heard before. “When were you planning on telling me, hm?”

“I just…” Kevin was wheezing, clutching his left hand so tightly in his right that his knuckles had gone bloodless. “I just… I… Help me.”

Andrew clicked his tongue, but slid one hand into Kevin’s hair and tugged their heads together so their foreheads were touching. “Look at me. Listen to me.”

Kevin, still gasping, looked, and from this close Abram could see how his eyes were wide and tearful with fright like a young child’s.

“You’re in Foxhole Court. You’re safe,” Andrew said, and the steady certainty in his voice calmed down Abram’s racing heart. “Nothing can hurt you here, do you hear me?”

Kevin’s breathing hitched. “But Riko—”

“Forget that puny bastard,” Andrew cut in. “Focus on me. Have I ever let anything happen to you?”

Kevin’s shoulders slumped, his eyes closing. “No.”

“Has he laid his hands on you since you left?”

A steady exhale. “No.”

Andrew released him, sitting back. “Then there you go. He’ll have to go through me before he gets to you.”

Kevin nodded, taking a deep breath. “Thanks. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I…” He glanced briefly at Coach before looking back. “I didn’t want you to do something reckless.”

Andrew shook his head. “Don’t make my job harder than it needs to be, Day. Nobody likes a martyr.” He turned his head to glance at Abram as he said so, both a check-in and an inside joke at the same time. Satisfied to see him not having a panic attack of his own, he turned towards Coach and placed a hand over his heart dramatically. “I thought we had no secrets between us, Coach.”

Wymack snorted. “Shut it, you little punk,” he said fondly, before his gaze turned knowing. “You know why I kept this one.”

It was out of compassion—Abram realised, his chest warming. Rather than triggering Andrew’s hypervigilance and making things more difficult for him than they already were, Coach had acknowledged his precarious state of mind and protected him in his own way.

“If you’re done talking in riddles, Coach,” Seth said with a curl of his lip, “can you explain what the fuck is going on?”

Wymack ran a hand down his face, sighing deeply. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on either. The ERCC hasn’t shared many details, just that they’re coming south and they thought I should get a heads-up.”

“But what does this mean, Coach?” Nicky asked, sounding anxious as he wrung his hands together. “Will we be playing against the Ravens?”

Coach sighed. “You might, if the season ends up working out that way.”

“So, it’s like the Ravens just want us to lose,” Matt said. “They weren’t happy enough with all the harassment their fans were doing and decided to make it close and personal? I mean, sorry to state the obvious, but it’s clear what this means, Nicky.”

“For being just an assistant coach, you’ve brought in more trouble than you’re worth, asshole,” Seth said, glaring at Kevin.

“Oh, some more good news then,” Wymack added dryly. “Kevin will be joining the line-up this season.”

To Abram’s surprise, groans went up around the room. “Great, now he’ll be an asshole on the Court as well as off it,” Matt said, but he looked a bit fond.

“You’ll have to keep up, I’m afraid,” Kevin said with a haughty sniff, flexing his right hand. “It may be my non-dominant hand, but I’ve been training all summer.”

More groans. Wymack, looking amused, stood up. “Well, that’s that, then. Neil, go get your physical done. And you lot, don’t be too rowdy in here and don’t be late to practice tomorrow.”

He left the room and Abram followed him out.

“Hey,” Andrew said once he was in the hallway, making Abram jump.

“You’re so quiet,” Abram accused. “How did you manage to follow me out without me noticing?”

Andrew shrugged. He held out his hand questioningly, and at Abram’s nod, grabbed his wrist and led him into an adjacent, empty hallway.

“Will you run?” he asked, once they were all the way at the end of the hallway and could see if someone entered it or tried to eavesdrop on them. “Now that Riko’s coming.”

Anxiety curled in Abram’s chest again, making him fidget, but he remembered the promise he had made to himself the night before, when Andrew had been asleep in his arms. “No,” he said, straightening.

At the surprise on Andrew’s face, Abram stepped closer and took his hand. “I told you I wasn’t going anywhere, didn’t I?” He lowered his voice, hyperaware of being in public, and squeezed Andrew’s hand. “You spend so much time watching everyone’s back. Who’s watching yours?”

Something vulnerable and conflicted passed through Andrew’s eyes, and he looked down at their intertwined hands. “I don’t need you to protect me. You might remember him differently, but I’ve seen him.” He exhaled, tightening his grip on Abram’s hand. “He’s one of them. A true monster. He has no care for collateral.”

Fear thudded in Abram’s chest again. “I know,” he said, swallowing dryly. “It shows in his eyes, even in the pictures. As long as I keep my head down and this disguise up, though... Hopefully I won’t catch his eye.”

He stepped closer then and raised his free hand, brushing it over the dark circles beneath Andrew’s eyes. “But I won’t do it at the cost of letting you get hurt.”

Andrew scowled, but his eyes were fond. “Go see Abby, junkie. You should be fine to play, right?”

“Are you caring about Exy right now?” Abram teased, falling into step beside him as they let go of each other. “Is Andrew Minyard finally giving a fuck?”

“Shut up,” Andrew said with a smirk, jostling him with his shoulder. “You’ll be unbearable if you don’t play.”

“Sure,” Abram said, and hid his smile behind his hand.

Notes:

so it begins... >:)

to be honest we're not sure whether we want to really commit to a full rewrite or do key scenes and scenes we want. would love to hear if y'all have a preference!

Series this work belongs to: