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Your heart shattered into pieces, as you’re left collecting the pieces of Wilhelmina’s indifference and hard demeanour. She gave you her back without daring to look at you in the eyes, knowing it would be too painful to meet your disappointment. She could picture you, though. Your beautiful orbs normally full of life, with that sparkle that allowed her to fall in love with you, now veiled with tears and pain. And your plump, cherry lips quivering between your teeth along with your figure shook by hiccups and chocked sobs. She wished to be brave enough to look at you and save you from all the evil within herself. She wished to hold you in her arms and tell you how much she loved you. Yet she was doing exactly the opposite.
“Please, don’t do this”, you refused to accept the reality of the situation, “I know you, the real you”, your voice is filled with both anxiety and determination, “You’ve done unspeakable things in your past, that’s true, but you’ve changed. You’re not the same person anymore. You proved to me you can still do good”, at your words, Wilhelmina’s heart clenched in her chest and tears dwelled in her eyes. She bowed her head and nibbled hard on her inner cheek, not wanting to see your point of view. Your tone of voice was hurting her to the point that her throat tightened, impeding her to breathe properly.
“You can’t let fear dictate your life”, you continued, your voice filled with both tenderness and desperation. Moving timid steps forward, you swept your tongue over your lips, tasting the saltiness of your silent tears streaming down your face, “Give us a chance. We need each other”.
Wilhelmina’s dark orbs flickered with a mix of fear and anger at your stubbornness. She wondered why you were making things so difficult. Why couldn’t you turn her back on her and hate her like everyone else she had met before you. She gritters her teeth and takes a firm hold onto her cane, “Pathetic little child”, she scoffed, her voice struggled to sound indifferent and void of any emotion, and she succeeded. However, her eyes were expressing something else, a hatred for herself so strong, that was increasing the disgust regarding her own actions, “You don’t need me and most certainly, I don’t need you”.
Your heart ached and bled at the words she dared to throw at you. Venomous and bitter. You felt like being stabbed in the chest repeatedly. All you wanted was being loved by her and having the freedom to love her the same way. The second was already accomplished because despite all the daggers she was throwing at you, your love remained untouched. “Wilhelmina”, you inhaled a shaky breath, as you repeated to yourself that she was only lying to you. The redhead shivered when her name escaped from your mouth. A mix of bliss and misery washed over her. She quickly wiped a tear that was tickling her cheek and blinked off the others threatening to spill.
“You should move on for your own sake. Like… Like I did”.
None of what she was saying was true, none of her thoughts, cold actions and indifference corresponded to the truth. She loved you. You could swear on your life she did because she had showed you. With her sweet gestures, only reserved to you. With the smiles and the gentle touches during your shard meals. Her care whenever you needed. The cuddles, the passion, the secrets of her childhood she shared with you and with you only.
It’s your turn to scoff at her, despite having way less confidence than her.
“You’re a terrible liar”, you responded silently, lightly shaking your head at her stubbornness.
She frowned, torn between being offended by your assumption, or impressed by your determination. However, she couldn’t help the slight grin forming on her lips.
You couldn’t give up. And if Wilhelmina wasn’t strong enough to fight and protect what was good between you and her, you’d have fought for the two of you.
Chuckling bitterly to herself, Wilhelmina continued, by saying, “You’re delusional, if you can’t accept the truth”, she said, tapping her cane.
You promptly shook your head in disbelief, wondering how far she could go on with those theatrics nobody, including her, believed. “Oh, Mina… You’re the worst liar I’ve ever met”, you repeated with fervent and tormented love.
Tears threated to spill from Wilhelmina’s eyes as you took a step closer to her and touched her forearm, “I’m a bad person, and you can’t deny that”, she felt your proximity and her body began to tingle by your energy moulding with hers. Her mind flashed to memories of the two of you wrapped in the sheets, sharing an intimacy so beautiful and so perfect to give the impression that it never actually happened.
“I don’t believe you. You’re just Wilhelmina to me”, you reached out to touch the small of Wilhelmina’s back with such softness, the woman shivered. Your fingers brushed with tenderness and care those spots you knew were weak to her, perfectly knowing how to spoil them, “I won’t indulge in this game of yours”, your voice mixed with both desperation and wild love, came out full of conviction to the redhead’s ears. She almost believed she could change and be what you deserved. She almost believed she could be what you deserved. Because you indeed were what she wanted.
“Why?”, she asks angrily. “Why would you be so stupid and still wanting to be with someone like me after everything I’ve done?”, she snarled, before turning around, possibly making the biggest mistake of her life. She didn’t know it was possible to hurt inside even more, to feel her heart rip apart when her eyes met your devastate ones. Your voice was firm, contrary to the trembling of your body.
“Because I care about you, alright?”, the weight of your emotions crashed down upon her, “I care about you, and I love you, damnit!”, you continued stubbornly. Your breathing got heavier, and a lump formed to your throat, almost chocking you.
She hesitated for a bunch of seconds, with tears welling up in her eyes. Tempted to open her arms and welcome you in her embrace, she bit her bottom lip so hard to have a taste of her own blood. Then she sobbed, when you called out her name again, this time in a soft plea, “I’ve caused so much pain. How can you possibly love me, when I despise myself so much?”, she felt lost Wilhelmina, unable to fight her own demons on her own.
You quickly reached out to cup her face tenderly. “I could never, ever, despise the woman I love the most”, you hushed her, while a mix of longing and understanding showered your sore eyes. You whispered sweet nothings to her and reassuring words, while stroking her cheeks tenderly, “I’m aware of the things you’ve done, but I accepted your past when I met you, and then, I fell in love with every part of you. The good and the bad. The woman I know is different from the one you keep torturing yourself with. She is death, Wilhelmina. Why can’t you see that?”, you murmured against her lips, pulling her closer to you, so tempted to capture her mouth into a kiss to suck away all her fears.
“What if history repeats itself?”, she asked you, bowing her head and looking alternatively at your eyes and lips, “If I hurt you, I’d never forgive myself”, she whispered painfully, clinging to your wrists.
You offered her a serene smile, “You would never hurt me on purpose”.
“Oh really?”, she chuckled bitterly, then slightly pulls away. The gap she put between the two of you felt unbearable, it made you frown, “And look at your face now. I’m breaking your heart!”
You approached her once again and with trembling hands, you grabbed Wilhelmina by her clothes, clinging to her almost possessively, a possessiveness so unlike you, that left Wilhelmina at a loss of words.
“Why don’t you see it? You’re breaking my heart by breaking yours first! This isn’t what you want, yet you pursue it. You’re hurting yourself but you don’t see all you care about is my wellbeing. You’re not a bad person, in fact, you’re so good and compassionate, you don’t even see it”, you ended up chucking angrily between your tears. It was so simple, yet so complicated to take in for her.
“I-I don’t deserve you”, Wilhelmina was faltering, slowly her walls coming undone by your outburst. She stuttered, unconvinced, “Y-you need better than me”.
You hushed her, more gently this time, moving your hands upon her cheeks and wiping those glistered tears away. She leaned to your touch and whimpered, hating to be so vulnerable, but loving it so deeply at the same time, because you were the one collecting the pieces.
“Y/n…”, she tried tiredly, but you cut her off.
“Let me decide what’s the best for me”, you begged her again. You took her hand into yours before guiding it on your chest, “My heart is telling me, it’s you I need. Hear that?”, your voice trembled with raw vulnerability, that turned into self-confidence when she didn’t pull away. Your heart hungered of her love.
“You’re out of this world, little one”, Wilhelmina whispered, finally cracking a small smile. She inhaled your sweet scent that mixed with something spicy given by your determination in getting back what you wanted the most.
Shrugging, you let out a relieved giggle, “Perhaps”, you muttered with a glint of hope sparkling in your eyes, “Stop torturing yourself this way, and allow yourself to find the way of love with me”, she finally cupped your face and you felt like blessed by that proximity. Her thumb grazed upon your plump lip, and she pulled it a little, as her mind was telling her to kiss it fiercely.
“I love you, Wilhelmina”, you promised her and put your soul in that confession. Invading her little personal space, you lifted on your tiptoes, and racked your fingers into those red locks of hers. You leaned in gently brushing your lips against hers and she whimpered, “I just love you so much”, you moaned painfully, as more tears streamed down your face. She crumbled and melted like snow in the sun. She wrapped her arms around your waist, grabbing you with both desperation and care. The tip of her tongue touched your lips, and she traced the outline of them, sending you goosebumps over your skin.
You smiled both for the ticklish sensation she erupted in you, both for her walls finally crumbling down and welcoming you. You parted your lips slightly and her tongue into your mouth. She felt your hand on her back, as you pulled her closer to you. Your body heat mingled with hers made her moan hotly inside of you, she whispered, “I love you too”.
Taken aback by her confession, your lips curved in the most genuine smile, “What?”
Wilhelmina smiled warmly through her tears, playfully pinching your sides, “You heard me, little one”.
“Say it again”, you said it dreamily, half chuckling, “Please, say it again”.
Her demeanour changed at your request. Her fears and concerns seemed to subside at your enthusiasm. Her grin appeared like a beacon of light, shining, and making its way through the darkness persisting in her heart.
She captured your lips once again playfully nibbling on your bottom lip and sucking on it at the same time, to elicit a moan out of you. She said it again and again, causing butterflies to fly wildly in your stomach. It never felt so good to tell the truth. Your head turned light, and a vehement blush came coloring your cheeks. Wilhelmina couldn’t help but pamper with her kisses. Hearts pounding in unison, and soothing words whispered to one another, as both of you finally welcomed this love with conviction and determination. A deep and genuine love that was finally allowed to exist.