Chapter Text
“Are you ok? Shōta, I need you to tell me if something is bothering you...” Kan said softly, “You haven't been eating, you're panicking a lot, you're hurting yourself, you keep waking up from nightmares, and-and you're just… worrying me.”
‘Sorry.’
“Do not be sorry. I'm just worried,” arms wrapped around him and he stroked Shōta's black hair softly.
His eyes trailed down, looking everywhere except at Kan himself. Leaning back so Kan could see his signs, he swallowed nervously, ‘I should be happy that my friends are here. But instead I just feel dread. I don't know why.’
“I see…” his hug grew tighter, Shōta didn't hug back but he still leaned into it, “Do you think… that they remind you of your old life? And remembering something so traumatic is hard?”
He just shrugged, and leaned into the hug. Digging his face into Kan's chest and breathing in the smell of his cologne.
He still wants to see them. Even if seeing his friends gives him anxiety. But a good kind of anxiety? Well, kinda bad, but also good. He's not sure.
Damnit. He probably has to talk to his therapist about all of this bullshit tomorrow. And Oboro is driving him. Not Kan. He hasn't been doing much. He hasn't gone to see Hatsume since the situation. She probably missed him. He also wants to work on his capture weapon.
Maybe he could do that tomorrow.
“You need some food.”
He frowned, and finally hugged Kan back when he started to pull away. He made puppy dog eyes towards the man.
“You need to eat. I know you don't like how it feels, but you seriously need it.”
He hugged tighter and shook his head.
“You are eating anyway!” Kan leaned away, “Clementine needs to be fed. She's a very, very hungry girl. She eats the right amount of food every day, because I make sure of it. Do you need me to watch you like a hawk to make sure you eat all your food too?”
He pouted and let go of the hug. He then turned to Clementine, and began petting her. Clementine very quickly grew to love Shōta, especially with how careful and gentle he is with her.
The big fluffy dog was loving all of the attention she was getting from this new person. She sometimes even comes into the bed to cuddle with them! She never used to do that until Shōta came. He cuddles her all the time.
It is the cutest sight ever. He has a picture of them both together as his phone background.
Speaking of phones…
“Shōta, you need a phone. You need to be able to communicate with some people if there is an emergency. There's also a teachers group chat that Mic and Oboro have been wanting for you to join for a while.”
The sounds of eggs frying were heard in the kitchen, Shōta sat on the floor, petting Clementine sweetly on the head.
“You can also take pictures of Clementine with it.”
Shōta felt himself smile, oh yay!
∆•∆•∆
A week has gone by since the girls left. Auntie seems to be exhausted. The bags under her eyes have never left since dad disappeared. Eri is quiet, taking her vow of silence very seriously. Neito seems a bit distracted, looking out to the sunrise almost every day.
And Katsuki… he just feels like he's drowning. His anger has been beaten out of him. If he's angry it has to be quiet. It has to be safe. Everything is so quiet. Whispering feels like yelling sometimes, and the cracking of a fire sounds like a bomb. His quirk hurts his and everyone else's ears.
He's learned to be so… so quiet that now sometimes his quirk is quiet with him. The boom of his quirk turned into a gentle woosh. Still too loud. Still too dangerous.
Eri tugged onto his hand, looking up at him with worry in her eyes. Was he spacing out? Staring into the sunset with Neito? A new day, yet still the same. Katsuki feels like his only hope of change– his only chance… are those blue lights.
In the distance, in the woods too far away, three tiny specks of blue glow. A few minutes it's there, until it disappears.
“Auntie?” he whispered, his voice raspy without water.
She turned to him and nodded for him to continue.
His mouth was set shut, “I think… Even if you don't want to go, I'm going to do it anyway. With or without anyone.”
A pause, the silence washed over them for that beautiful moment until Neito spoke up, “I'm going with you, Kats.”
Again, silence. A wave of acceptance washed over them. Then… then that sweet little voice that they have missed so much whispered over how loud this silence was, her voice was an echo above the static, “I'm going too.”
The sun was rising, and Miruko's ears were twisting to hear if any Nomu were nearby.
She sighed in defeat, “Then it's decided.”
They walked for what felt like hours. Pausing and hiding in broken down buildings almost every twenty minutes, waiting for any nomu to pass. They crept along the broken down streets of Japan, passing old stores and neighborhoods. Neito held his hand for half of the time, their twin scars connected them. Brothers by blood and not water.
They took a small break, and Katsuki opened up one of his Dad's journals. Looking at the pictures and reading the entries. Drawings of Pa were in there. His blonde hair was short in this one. Down to his shoulders instead of all the way down to his butt. Eri looked at it with him. Katsuki pointed at Pa, “That's Pa. He was really nice. You would've loved him.”
He didn't expect her to start crying.
Too young. She's too young to be put through this. Looking at a person she has never met and never will. She heard so much about Pa, so much praise. Especially since Pa gave up his life to save her. They never met yet Pa let himself die for a little girl they didn't know. Technically they did meet. With only a glimpse for a moment. Dad covered her eyes when Hizashi was stung by one of Chisaki's mutant nomu.
Only a glimpse. The only detail she could remember about him was that his eyes were green and kind. Dad drew his eyes perfectly, even if there was no color, he captured the kindness as if it were a photo.
She cried silently. The usual loud vocalizations of a child crying before the apocalypse was beaten out of her as well. Following in Katsuki's unwillingly quiet footsteps. He could only hug his sister.
And he cried with her.
∆•∆•∆
“I am not hungry,” Emi protested, pushing her food away, “Let me see Shōta. And not that goddamn imposter. I want to see my friend. I-I need to see him. Then I'll eat.”
“Dear, he's not here right now. He's with his therapist and then he's going shopping for some necessities. He'll be back, but… for a few hours,” granny gently said, reaching out her hand for Emi to take, “But… you can come see your friend, Yu if you need it. She's sleeping at the moment but I'm sure she feels safe around you. You need a wheelchair first. I'm not letting you use crutches with those bad feet of yours.”
She didn't take the hand offered to her. Turning her head away, she shyly asked, “Am I allowed to leave?”
“Of course!” she paused, “You can leave your hospital room any time you want. And… oh. Well– if you wish to leave UA, we cannot guarantee your safety. There is a high possibility that you will be… uhm, confiscated by the people who were keeping you. We are in a bit of legal trouble keeping you here. You can leave if you desperately need it though.”
Emi looked down at her lap, clenching her jaw and her fists. She tried to calm herself down, she doesn't need to punch any holes into any walls today. Besides, it hurts to move. Both of her feet were broken by some asshole with a crushing quirk, trying to stop her from running away. Yu just picked her up and carried her while using her quirk to make herself larger.
Apparently Shōta visited her a couple of times while she was sleeping. She only saw him once while she was awake but… they didn't really get that much time to catch up.
“I…”
The thought of everything that has happened over the past month feels like it's catching up to her. Not even a full month ago, she was traveling an abandoned world that wanted to kill her, that changed to being teleported to a parallel universe where nothing bad happened, to being used as a test subject and filmed against her permission and used almost like a fucking lab rat, to being rescued by a dude that she hates and also thought was dead, to being reunited with a friend she considers is like a brother whom she thought was dead as well, to being stuck in a goddamn hospital room because she is very injured.
“I…” this world is so different. It scares her, “I need a cigarette.”
“Well, you're not going to be able to smoke for a while. No smoking inside! And it's going to be in moderation!” Recovery Girl gave a reassuring pat on Emi's shoulder, “It took a bit of encouragement for Racer to slow his smoking habits, I expect you to not be a bad influence on him.”
“Fuck you, I'm a great influence!”
“Ok.”
She frowned deeply, “You're so… ugh. You piss me off.”
Recovery girl rolled her eyes, “I'm ok with that.”
Emi frowned and grumbled something under her breath. She crossed her arm, and tried not to get angry, “I'm going to bed!”
“Ok, you do that.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
∆•∆•∆
“I recommend this phone for you. It doesn't have unnecessary additional things. It works well, and is reliable. Simple and easy.”
‘I feel like this is too much money.’
“Don't worry about the price,” Kan just patted his head, “Heroes get paid a lot. Most of my money goes to charity and my family. Literal millions, Shōta. And, only a thousand is going to pay for your new phone. So don't worry about the price tag. It isn't a problem. I promise.”
He got his phone in yellow, and his phone case is clear except for a little calico cat printed on it. He liked it.
Being out in public is making him nervous though. Shōta came with him because Nezu told him he needs to leave UA every once in a while to get used to crowds. Apparently therapy doesn't count as leaving UA. He specifically needs to get used to crowds.
They soon drove to a mall and started walking around, “We need to get some essentials for my students. They each made a small list for stuff they needed. Shampoo and toothpaste are the most we need to get… some students use different brands of shampoo for their hair though.”
They got some shampoo and toothpaste, along with twenty toothbrushes. The cashier gave Kan a happy look, “Oh, you're back! I was wondering where you were.”
Kan gave a small laugh, “Uhm, some things happened. My students have been complaining about how they're running out of supplies.”
“I bet…” they rang him up for his things and paused before saying goodbye, they looked at Shōta curiously, “Are you the other Eraserhead?”
Shōta paused and looked at Kan with a worried look on his face.
“O-oh sorry! I let my curiosity take over. Don't worry, I won't tell.”
They left with their groceries. Next they went to a shoe store. Kan looked for three running shoes in different sizes, “Manga wants white if there is some… Pony wants pink, and Juzo wants black.”
Kan got what they needed. They wandered around the mall for a while longer. Kan went into a toy store and bought a few stuffed animals, checking the list. The sound of Miruko's voice played in his mind, ‘Stuffed animals are necessary for survival! Come on, I'm getting you something!’
His mood didn't exactly diminish but it certainly took a bit of a blow. Confusing feelings rose up in his throat… They were getting a few things here and there. Kan seemed to get more nervous while they shopped.
When they were done, Shōta and Kan packed their things into his car. Once inside Kan looked even more worried.
“Do… you know how Nomus work?” he seemed nervous, almost like he doesn't want to trigger Shōta into a panic attack, “A lot of heroes are getting hurt. Many have been… stung. And there are some doctors that are trying to reverse it. They need someone to tell them how Nomus work.”
‘I kinda know how. But I wouldn't recommend those doctors to try and reverse what has already happened.’
“Why is that…”
Shōta gave a sour look out into the distance, ‘It just made everything worse.’
It was quiet for the ride back home, Shōta curiously unboxed his phone. Shōta likes yellow things. His favorite color is yellow. But… It's dangerous to have bright things. Kan said that he wouldn't have to worry about that though, he said that phones are small and can be put into a pocket if there's any danger. And if he really isn't comfortable having brightly colored things then he could get a new and darker phone case.
Shōta was thankful that Kan didn't try to say that he didn't have to worry about something so stupid. Obviously nomu aren't a serious danger for him right now, but the fear still persists, and Kan validated it instead of denying it.
A small feeling of… something bubbled deep down in his stomach. It made him feel sick but in an oddly happy way.
It's… a familiar feeling, but he can't remember what it is. It should be important.
His feelings towards Kan have changed in a certain way. He just… doesn't know what it is. It's bothering him a lot. He just wants to know.
Uncertain thoughts swirl around his head. Kan made him feel safe. Why does Shōta feel so much anxiety when he's near him now? It aches. Like a distant memory, it completely and utterly aches in his heart.
“Uhm… are you feeling overwhelmed?”
Shōta gave a shaky breath and nodded, that's probably what's wrong with him. He didn't realize he was shaking so much.
Kan gave a worried hum, “Are you going to have another panic attack?” he asked while stopped at a red light.
Shōta needed a moment to think, but he could only shrug and give a guilty look towards Kan. He doesn't know.
“Ok… ok. Once we get home, we can cuddle and relax.”
A bloomth of warmth hit Shōta hard, he'd love that. He wanted to sign something but Kan was a responsible driver and kept his eyes on the road. So Shōta just held out a hand for Kan to take. Their fingers locked, and a nervous shiver went down his spine. What is this feeling?
Gods, he's so stupid sometimes… What is he feeling?
∆•∆•∆
Shōta didn't want to let go of Kan's hand when they got back to UA. He desperately held on, feeling a bit sick as they walked with all of their supplies. Kan didn't have both of his hands so he was using his quirk to carry most of the stuff. Shōta wasn't carrying anything, even when he insisted that he was fully capable of carrying a few things.
Kan just said he looked sick. Which is probably true. Shōta feels like he's about to vomit. He doesn't know why… is he truly sick?
That… isn't good…
When they arrived at the class 1B dorms, Kan took in a large breath before yelling out, “KIDS! GET YOUR STUFF!”
Shōta quickly hid behind Kan, not confident enough to meet another batch of new kids. Soon enough, the pitter partner of feet running around upstairs became louder and louder as more students began running down stairs to the common room for their stuff.
Shōta flinched when he heard a girl yell in a strong American accent, “DID YOU GET THE STUFFED ANIMALS?!”
Kan sighed and gestured towards the soft looking plastic bag, “Everything but the shark and black cat is yours, Tsunotori.”
She shouted thanks in American before catching herself and repeating it in Japanese. There seemed to be a pause as she noticed Shōta hiding behind Kan, “Oh, is that your girlfriend?”
Kan made a weird choking noise, Shōta felt him flinch and squeeze his hand a bit more, “No! No, he's a friend. Uhm, remember when Nezu said that there was another Eraserhead in that press conference? The one from the other reality? This is him, he's just– u-uhm, really… really shy.”
“Ooohhhh… so sorry! I thought that because of the hand holding and long hair,” she smiled and introduced herself as Pony Tsunotori. Shōta kept his eyes on the floor, still hiding behind Kan.
A few more students trickled down, getting their things and asking Kan some questions about homework or him. When they realized that it was the alternate reality version of their law teacher they got really curious, which caused Shōta to want to hide even more.
Shōta was nearly at the edge of a panic attack, while Kan was trying to direct his demon students away when a voice cut through Shōta's thoughts.
It sounds familiar, “Did you get the shark?”
A strangled sigh left Kan as he said, “In the gray bag, your shark is there. Now, please, students I know you're curious but he's not too fond of attention from a lot of people. He's tired from the mall, and needs to be alone for a while. So please, give him some space.”
The crowd eventually grows smaller until only one student is left, “Thanks… for the shark. Uhm… quick question, I lost my hero history textbook. Have you seen one lying around anywhere? N-NOT that I'm worried or anything just… wondering.”
It sounds so much like him…
“Monoma…” Kan sighed, “I… ugh, I'll keep an eye out. Ok?”
“Thank you…”
Shōta shuffled a bit and turned around. Looking at the kid. He felt himself gasp, and even heard himself do it. It caught both Kan and the kid off guard.
“Shōta?”
They locked eyes. The kid's hair was blonde, but it was short. Silver eyes, they looked well rested. His skin was unharmed (Unbothered. Untainted. Untouched.) and so smooth, no scars in sight. His nose was the same shape. His cheeks were a healthy round, instead of sunken in from how starving he was. So many more differences, yet still the same.
This is his kid.
His vocal chords ached and shivered, his voice was raspy, but he still managed to speak…
“Neito?”
∆•∆•∆
He could taste it. He could feel it. He could see it. The thick gush of red sprayed across his face, in his mouth. Warm, sticky, metallic blood. He beat this monster to near death. He watched as this thin, pale man writhed around in pain, pleading for mercy. Blood and dirt covered his face. He felt it dripping from the hair tucked behind his ears, and dripping off of his chin and nose.
Shōta left him there, to bleed out. That man was worse than those fucking nomu. Rapist pedophile asshole! He sneered at the maggot choking on his own blood. Unable to move, his arms and legs too broken to even try to get away.
Shōta spat on him, and walked further into the crudely made bunker. Many bodies of children met his eyes and Shōta felt like he wanted to vomit. Are there any survivors? If so… how is he going to comfort them after he gets them out of this hellhole? How is he going to help them move on from the trauma they endured from this– this monster?
If he reunites with Hizashi and Miruko soon then he's sure that they'll know how to comfort a child.
He heaved open a heavy metal door, and whispered out a small, “Hello?”
One, singular small gasp was heard. Shōta felt an immense amount of relief and dread at the same time.
“I'm here to save you…” he turned on his solar powered lamp, and in the dim light he saw a small dirty child. Dressed, thankfully. He had a shark on his shirt. Shōta used that as a heavy crutch to help coax this child out of this hell hole, “Do you like sharks?”
The kid flinched slightly, “U-uhm… yeah. They're cool.”
His mind desperately tried to think up on shark facts he knew, “U-uhm… Did you know… that sharks don't make noise, because they don't have vocal chords? And they can't swim backwards either.”
“O-oh… they can't talk?”
“No buddy.”
“That's sad. What if he wants to sing?” the kid genuinely asked, softly looking down at his knees.
Shōta tried to smile but it was strained, he's not good at this… “Then I guess you gotta sing for them?”
The kid laughed at that, but when the laughter died down, the kid quietly asked, “Is the bad man gone?”
…
“Yes.”
“Did you kill him?”
“Yes.”
“He killed my mom, and then threw me into this room.”
“M-may she rest in peace...” A pause, “Did he hurt you?” Shōta asked with worry etched onto his face, “Or did he do anything… uhm inappropriate to you?”
The kid was quiet for a moment, shaking and seemingly looking sick. Shōta felt his gut tighten into a knot as the kid spoke, “He– u-uhm touched me.”
Shōta should've given him a slower death.
“He's not gonna do that anymore.”
“Promise?”
He smiled, a bit less strained but it was still a struggle. He held out a pinky, extending it out to the kid.
“I promise.”
His pinky was small, and smooth. His skin didn't have years of built up blisters and scars. Yet those eyes were similar to those of a veteran. His skin looked almost translucent and fragile. He was too thin. Just skin and bones. So little, so small. The urge to protect this child nagged at him.
He felt his voice shake as he asked, “What is your name?”
“Neito...” the kid whispered.
“I'm Shōta, but a lot of people call me Racer.”
The kid laughed again at that, and Shōta felt relieved to be giving this kid some kind of comfort, “Why that name?”
“Uhm… I used to be a hero. And my hero name was Eraser. Lots of people got last and shortened it, then it officially became my nickname when they all realized I was good at running. So… Racer.”
“Oh. That's cool.”
Their pinkies were still locked together, Neito didn't seem to want to let go. In fact, the kid was leaning closer to Shōta.
“Do you want me to carry you?”
The kid looked up at him with a worried expression, “Uhm… do your arms hurt? And aren't I too heavy?”
“No. They don't. And no you're not too heavy.”
“Uhm… uhh, ok. I'd uhm, I'd like that.”
He wasn't heavy in his arms. The kid was actually pretty light… which concerns Shōta. Poor kid is starving. He should stop calling the kid, kid. Neito is his name, right?
“I have a few friends I'm meeting up with, they're really nice. I promise.”
“Ok…”
It's good that they had a rendezvous point planned out just in case they got separated. It'll take Shōta about half a day to get there. He'll wait two weeks and if no one shows up, then he'll have to move on.
Neito was quiet, and seemed to even be sleeping for most of the trip. He felt safe enough to do so. Shōta couldn't help but stroke the kids dirty hair in a parental kind of manner. Poor kid. This world is no good to a kid like Neito. He deserves better.
On the way to Hizashi and Miruko, Shōta raided an empty grocery store. Most of the food was gone or spoiled, but he did find a can of soup. He stopped to let Neito drink it. It was a bit thick, it needed to be mixed with water but it was good enough to feed the poor child.
“Do you want some?”
“I already ate,” he lied.
The walk was peaceful, there wasn't a nomu in sight. When Hizashi and Miruko met him… the rest is history.
Shōta loved the kid with all he had. A few months later they found Katsuki. The boys were inseparable. They did know how much Neito needed to be around someone his own age.
Shōta loved them. They're his kids, blood related or not. Neito will always be his kid. Katsuki will always be his kid. Eri will always be his kid.
Years have passed. He has raised these kids and made sure that they were happy and healthy. Well, to the best of his ability at least.
“I miss Pa,” Neito mumbled in the middle of a rainstorm. It was hard to hear him over the splashing and rushing of water.
Shōta opened his mouth to say something but his throat closed up. He looked down at the ground and nodded his head.
The scene changes to a warm fire and the night sky greeting them. Neito and Katsuki are curled up in his lap, sleeping. Miruko is crying softly as she looks at Eri sleeping beside her. Tears wash away dirt on her cheeks, creating lines running down her face. As if they were carving into her. Sometimes they just need to cry. Even with no meaning behind it.
Neito is so small, so little. And Katsuki follows in his brother's footsteps. So small, so little. Shōta needs to protect them. They're too young. Too little.
The morning is cloudy, and with a small spyglass they could see a few nomu, North West around 15 miles away. Neito was always so good with maps, Miruko taught him well. Shōta didn't have to worry about where they were when they had Neito to determine where they were.
The sky shifts and it is raining again, Neito is having a panic attack. He was almost stung. Shōta could only hold him as he cried into his chest. Heaving sobs, trying to keep his whimpers silent. Shōta kissed his forehead, and stroked his hair. Whispering in the most quiet voice he could manage, “You're ok, baby. You're ok, kid…” over and over again.
Neito probably did even hear him most of the time but it didn't matter. The kid still needed comfort and Shōta was always there to help. Miruko wasn't the best with kids, especially comforting them so it was up to Shōta to lift spirits now that Hizashi's gone.
“Can you… can you uhm. Can we cuddle? Or can you hold me?” Neito asked days later, “Please?”
‘Of course, my baby.’ he signed, smiling and kissing Neito'd forehead. The kid gave a relieved and tired look before snuggling up to his dad's side.
Eri took notice and decided to cuddle up with them too. Katsuki followed, not wanting to be left out. Miruko rolled her eyes but joined in anyways.
The night was cold, but Shōta felt so warm.