Chapter Text
In spite of being far too pleased with her nasty little rhyme, Katie's visit did overall leave Nancy feeling a bit cheered up - but she still couldn't settle, certainly not enough to sleep. She tried - she put on her pyjamas and got into bed - but she only tossed and turned. A few times she gave up and went out to the top of the stairs, trying to listen and guess how many people were still around, wishing the party could be done.
She might be in some sort of trouble for not being asleep - Clara certainly thought as much, when she came up to collect the tray of food and found Nancy in the hall on one of her trips she fixed her with a stern look and demanded, "What is it with you tonight? It's well past your bedtime, you should be long asleep."
But Nancy didn't really care about Clara or what she thought or whether she was going to be in more trouble than she already had been. She wanted her mother - she wanted her mother to hug her and hold her and tell her it was going to be alright.
When Maisy came up to tend the fires Nancy pretended to be asleep, just so she didn't have to endure any more tellings off - though Maisy was quiet and didn't generally jibe at Nancy like Clara did. She had heard Ruby's door open and shut not long after the fires had been done, but it was gone midnight now according to the clock on Nancy's mantle and there had been no sign of any further footsteps.
She wandered out, doing the walk along the hall again. There was still plenty of light downstairs but the voices seemed quieter. Maybe that meant people had started to leave - maybe it wouldn't be too long.
She stood at the top of the stairs, thinking about going down them, demanding her mother come to her. But then she thought about Lily's voice breaking when she'd talked about Isaiah and why what the Shelby's did for the war was important - and she thought about what her mum had said earlier, about how she'd feel if she was sent off to live with some family she didn't know who didn't even want her - and she knew in her bones going down and interrupting wasn't the right thing to do. She'd mucked it up once tonight, she couldn't do it again, no matter how much she wanted her mum at that moment. Tonight her mum wasn't just her mum, she was Mrs Shelby of the Shelby Foundation - and Nancy had to bide her time and wait for her to finish with that before she could have her mum to herself again. That was what Lily had meant about the bigger picture. She understood that now.
She wandered over to the door that gave way to her mum and dad's suite. They weren't allowed through that door without knocking and being given permission - but no one was in there now, so there was no one to knock for or to grant that permission… Figuring absence was as good as approval, she reached up to the handle and turned it.
There were three rooms behind the door - her mum and dad's bedroom, their bathroom and a third room, the room Nancy had slept in when she'd been a baby. She went into the last room. It was still the same as it had been, the cot she'd slept in - the cot her, Ruby and Charlie had all slept in - was still there, in front of the fire, which Maisy hadn't lit. Nancy still wasn't exactly sure what rationing was, but coal had started being rationed the month before and now half the fires in the house weren't to be lit. Even though the room was dark, the blackout blinds were still down and Nancy could only trace the contents of the room by the dim light in the vestibule, since there was no moonlight permitted to creep in.
It fitted though, her memories of being in the room were from when she'd been very young, and the hazy light fitted with her hazy recall. The wardrobes all along one wall held her mother and father's clothing - and she knew the plan was at some point to turn the room into a dressing room, but that hadn't happened yet. Tucked over by the window was a chair she remembered being held on. When her mother or father would come to her in the night and lift her, crying, from her cot, they'd sit in the chair with her on their laps, rocking her and shushing her until she went back to sleep, soothed and comforted. She climbed onto it, sitting gingerly, wriggling a little. Her backside had got to that point were it was still a little achy, but the pressure from the chair felt kind of nice - like how an aching stomach could sometimes feel better if you lay on it. She pulled her knees up, curling up, shutting her eyes and imagining she was on her mother's lap, cuddling into her, warm and smelling like powder and vanilla and a little bit of spice.
Her eyes felt bleary when she opened them later (she didn't rightfully know how much later, it felt like minutes to her but she had the instinct it was more than that) at the sound of a door opening and footsteps she recognised as her mother's gait went into her parents' bedroom. She stretched out, her eyes taking a minute to adjust before she slipped off the chair and went to the door. She bit her lip, suddenly nervous - what if Katie was wrong, what if her mum was still angry?
She crept across to the bedroom doorway, watching her mum taking off her jewellery and dropping it onto the dressing table. She was working calmly - until she caught sight of Nancy in the mirror and jumped, turning to face her with her hand going to her heart.
"Nancy - you gave me the fright of my life!"
Nancy bit her lip and took a step back, feeling like perhaps she should have just stayed in her own room after all.
Her mother's hand dropped and she took a deep, steadying breath before saying, her voice softer, "What are you doing in here sweetheart? You know you're not supposed to come in without asking."
Nancy's stomach churned and instead of coming up with an answer she simply mumbled, "Mummy."
"Oh darling, what is it? Have you had a bad dream?" her mother said, her voice full of concern as she crossed the room and knelt down in front of Nancy.
She put her arms around Nancy, hugging her tight - and Nancy didn't think she had any tears left in her, but they came again now as she pressed herself into her mother.
"You're alright sweetheart, c'mon, let's go have a sit down," her mum said, gathering her up and carrying her over to the chaise longue that sat at the bottom of the big bed.
"There we are - I've got you my little love," she soothed, settling Nancy on her lap and rubbing her back.
Nancy clung on to her for a long while, trying and failing to stop crying enough that she could talk, before finally babbling and choking into her chest, "Mummy - I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
Her mother sighed and continued to rub circles on Nancy's back as she asked, "Is this about earlier?"
Nancy nodded, not brave enough to look up and meet her mother's eye, in case her reminding her had made her mad again.
"Nancy,' her mother sighed again, "I'm sorry - I should have come up to see you myself, it was just difficult to get away."
Nancy shook her head - she didn't want her mother to have left for her, to have had to stop her work for her. Although she had hated waiting, she knew she had been right to wait, not to go down and interrupt. And she didn't want her mother to have stopped for her either.
"S't-too im-impo-porta-nt t-t-to l-leave," she eventually managed to get out, hiccuping and coughing and stuttering.
"Oh you realised tonight was important did you, finally?" her mother said wryly, making Nancy's insides squirm, but she jiggled her a little and went on, "Well, lesson learned then, eh? We won't say anything more about it so you go on and cry it out little one."
Nancy had reached the point of crying where she had started taking those deep, hyperventilating breaths that shook her whole body and she couldn't respond. The gasps sounded loud and ugly against the gentle way her mother's voice soothed her through them.
"There we go - that's a good girl - you get it all out sweetheart."
They sat together for a while, Nancy gasping and her mother murmuring and rocking before Nancy got to a point where she could speak again - which she did so, in a very small voice, "Mum?"
"Hmm?"
"Dad said…"
"What did Daddy say?"
"He said - he said I'd earned a - a full week of spankings," Nancy whispered, her eyes wide as she looked up to see her mother's face.
"Did he now?" her mother replied.
That gave nothing away. Nancy nodded, tensing her body, wondering whether her mother was going to agree or disagree.
"Well I suppose he's quite right, with your behaviour you have probably earned yourself a week of spankings - and more," her mother said and Nancy's stomach plummeted.
"Oh you needn't look so worried," her mother continued, bouncing her a little, "I said you've probably earned them, not that you'll get them. Luckily for you you've got parents who are quite soft for the lot of you."
Nancy wrinkled her nose, not believing that for a second and her mother snorted.
"Well, that went fucking-" Nancy's dad's voice entered the room before he did, and he stopped as her mother meaningfully and loudly cleared her throat.
"We have a visitor."
"So I see," Nancy's dad answered - and though she kept herself cuddled into her mother she could see him out of the corner of her eye, coming to rest in the doorway, "She visiting for any particular reason?"
"I think you've caused a bit of upset, Mr Shelby," Nancy's mum said, the corners of her mouth quirking up as she looked at Nancy's dad, "Saying someone deserves a spanking every day for a week."
"Someone does," Nancy's dad retorted, sounding quite serious, "And I'd have hoped she'd be along here visiting to offer her apologies, not because she's worried that she'll get what's coming to her."
Nancy's insides twisted violently - her mother might seem not to be too cross any more but her father sounded just the same as he had done earlier, his rasing, gruff voice still conveying his annoyance with her.
Nancy's mum clicked her tongue, a smile in her voice as she said, "Ah now, you've never been one for holding onto things once they're done."
"I wasn't going to speak on your behalf my love," Nancy's dad replied, clicking his own tongue, "Wasn't going to say it was done until you did."
"Well, she did come along here to offer her apologies and I'd say she seems to mean them, so I would imagine you got the point across."
"Aye, I did my best," Nancy's dad said, smirking - which Nancy resented a little - and pulling out his cigarettes.
"You have learned your lesson, Nancy, haven't you?" her mother asked, her brows coming together as her face went serious, "You know it was wrong to do what you did tonight? You understand that tonight was important and your behaviour jeopardised it?"
Nancy didn't know what jeopardised meant, but she nodded anyway.
"So the next time you're told to be somewhere at a certain time, spitfire," her Dad said, raising an eyebrow and blowing smoke, having lit his cigarette whilst her mother was talking, "You'll make sure you're there at that time, right?"
She nodded again, more fervently.
"That's my good girl," her mother said, hugging her tight and kissing her head.
"Alright, well, now that that's done with - back to bed with you," Mr Shelby announced, coming over to the chaise and getting down on his haunches, reaching out to take a hold of Nancy - but she wound herself more tightly around her mother, digging her fingers into her fancy dinner dress.
"I think that's a no," Mrs Shelby said, dropping another kiss onto Nancy's head, "You staying in with us tonight, eh?"
Nancy nodded.
"Tough luck Tommy."
"Wrecking all my plans tonight, spitfire," Nancy's dad said, ruffling her hair and winking at her as she turned her head worriedly towards him, "Ah you're fine. Though I imagine I'll be clinging to the edge of the bed, no bloody space left for your old dad, eh?"
"We've survived nights with two children in this bed with us before," Mrs Shelby grinned, "Remember the night Charlie scared himself witless trying to scare Ruby?"
"Oh aye," Mr Shelby nodded, "Both of them in here, too scared to stay on their own."
Nancy smiled a little, amused at the idea of her big grown up brother too scared to sleep on his own.
"Oh there's that sweet smile reappearing," her dad said, chucking her under the chin and standing up.
"Don't know if laughing at her brother and sister being scared counts as a sweet smile exactly."
"Looks sweet, even when the reason behind it isn't," he grinned, stubbing his cigarette out on a nearby ashtray and beginning to take off his bow tie as he went on, "Now - I'll perhaps concede there's space for you little one, but you mind and don't be keeping me up, I'm needing some sleep."
Nancy's mother snorted at that, but he didn't reply as he went off into their en suite. Mrs Shelby shifted her hold on Nancy and stood up, taking a moment to steady herself - that small reminder that Nancy was getting bigger, possibly too big to be sleeping in next to her mum and dad like a kid who'd had a bad dream, but she didn't really care. She needed to keep her mum close, to know it was all ok and that it would stay ok - that she wouldn't wake up and find it had been a dream and her mum was still cross.
"Alright then - have you brushed your teeth?"
Nancy nodded, even though she hadn't.
"Right, you lie down then whilst I'm doing mine," her mother said, going round to the side of the bed and, with a bit of difficulty, pulling the covers back and setting Nancy down, kissing the top of her head and saying, "You close your eyes and I won't be long."
It wasn't long before the bed dipped and her dad's warm body slid in beside her, throwing an arm over her, hugging her back to chest and Nancy was asleep before her mother returned - though she woke the next morning with her mother's hand clasped in hers, her small body nestled between her parents, knowing everything was going to be alright.