Chapter Text
Despite everything, we survived.
The next time I went to visit Saltmist a few days later, Connor was there, sleeping away soundly. Dianda explained that the clan leader had agreed with her assessment, and thought it would be safer for Connor to sleep at Saltmist where no Selkies would be getting jealous of him hogging a skin for a hundred years. That was bleak, but I was grateful to Dianda that she took him in. I think she felt a bit responsible, after pushing to get him married to Rayseline.
Patrick and Dianda didn’t immediately become my parents. Dad had his share of issues and insecurities over entering a new relationship, only some of which he shared with me. But he was safe and he was loved, and I knew that whatever happened, they would be alright.
Mom was… not alright. Connor was alive, but he would sleep longer than Mom would live (another thing I didn’t want to suddenly think about), so to her he was as good as dead. She would never see him awake again. The grief made her turn inside, the way I remembered her being when she came back from the pond. I just hoped she would remember that we were there, and she wasn’t alone in that big house.
Me, I was having enough trouble getting used to my new self. It wasn’t just getting startled when I accidentally caught a glance of my reflection. I’d never needed glasses, and I didn’t know before that my eyesight could get better, but it did. Especially in the dark, but also in general. I became much more sensitive to magic scents, picking up on them easily and seemingly being able to identify them even if I’d never heard of the thing it included before. I learned many new words, and plants that I didn’t previously think were different.
Raj kept coming over whenever he could, keeping me comforted. I let him, marveling at how my brotherly feelings slowly morphed into something else.
Quentin told me that Sylvester had asked about me, but he didn’t call me directly and I wasn’t ready to face him. Quentin also told me that Luna was unwell. It was not surprising, after all that happened with Raysel, but it didn’t make me more eager to visit. Maybe that was cowardice. Maybe just self-preservation. Raysel would sleep for a hundred years, and… maybe that was for the best for everyone.
Mom spent a lot of time sleeping, or at least pretending to sleep. We all knew it was depression, and we made small nudges to get her out of it, but we also knew that forcing it too hard would do nothing. We had to pick our battles.
Of course, in a battle it always helped if you brought a battering ram. Like the Luidaeg.
She showed up out of the blue, wearing a long black skirt and jewelry that was all about the sea, driftglass and pearls and such. I recognized her, but I still felt like this was meant to be somebody different. She dragged my mother out of bed, and then we were off to who-knows-where.
“Where are we going?” Mom asked once we were in the car.
“Half Moon Bay,” the Luidaeg said, settling deeper in her seat. She made a complicated gesture with her hands, and there was a silk-swathed bundle that smelled of fur and seawater stretched across her knees. “I have something to return to Roan Rathad.”
We both went white. “Luidaeg, is that…”
“It is Elaine’s, most recently worn by Magie Atwater.” She caressed the bundle lightly. “We’re taking her home.”
I didn’t like that phrasing at all, but it didn’t seem like the time to ask. I had a feeling that I would find out by the end of the night, whether I wanted to or not.
I found out other things, too. It was not a big surprise that Fetches used to be night-haunts. It was a bigger shock that May was the one who had worn Dare’s face, but maybe it shouldn’t have been. I remembered the little moments, her telling me what Dare would have or would have not wanted. It didn’t change anything. It just meant I loved her twice.
When we arrived at Half-Moon Bay, it became clear why the Luidaeg was dressed so differently.
“Just . . . please. Don’t tell them who I am. I can’t lie to anyone but them.” Her face changed slightly, and when her eyes changed with it, I realized what was happening. I had only met a couple of Roane, living at Saltmist or passing through, but they all had the same eyes. “Please.”
We both agreed, of course. What else were we supposed to do? She was our family.
We met the Selkies one by one, starting with Diva, who wasn’t a Selkie at all. They were Connor’s friends and family, and they wept for him, and I almost felt like I was intruding. But Mom was accepted here as Connor’s sweetheart, and they shared in her grief. Maybe that would be good for her. Connor wasn’t dead, but nobody would speak to him for a hundred years.
We met somebody else that day - Cousin Annie. She looked a bit like the Luidaeg, but not like her at all. She was happier. She smiled more.
She led us through the crowded room to a flight of stairs. The Luidaeg - Annie - turned to me. “You can come up, if you’d like. I’m not sure you want to. Elizabeth is…” She trailed off and didn’t finish the sentence, perhaps because Diva came to meet us.
“Annie!” She stepped to the side. “Mum’s expecting you. She said October could come, if you thought it was appropriate.”
So we all went up together. My first thought was that Elizabeth was a very tired woman. This seemed to be accurate.
“You have a year to notify the clans,” the Luidaeg said. She was the Luidaeg now, even if she looked like Annie still. “Then? Your bills come due.”
I didn’t like that, and from the look of it, neither did Elizabeth. I straightened in my seat, looking at the Luidaeg, but it didn’t seem like an explanation was coming. Not yet.
We left her and walked to stand on the edge of the water, and the Luidaeg told us the story of the Selkies and the Roane. I shivered, suddenly feeling very cold. I shifted closer almost on instinct, and the three of us stood there huddled together for a long time.