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Having back-to-back gigs was exhilarating and at the same time could make one knackered beyond belief, but that didn’t stop Matt from putting on charismatic performances night after night. His unique quality of having unbounded energy was most distinct during tours and it rubbed off on everyone else in his proximity. That night, especially, Matt was high from another successful concert.
“We have to celebrate tonight,” he said, wiping the sweat from his face and his neck. They were walking back to their dressing room after a particularly spectacular show. “Let’s go to that club we spotted yesterday.”
“Oh yeah,” Tom piped in, always the party animal. “I could use a night of getting pissed.”
“What about you?” Matt turned towards his drummer. “You coming or are you gonna be a spoilsport like the other night?”
Dom decided against commenting on Matt’s harmless jibe and merely shook his head. “You go on without me, like the other night.” He punctuated his last few words with a roll of his eyes and slumped on the dressing room couch.
“What’s up with you?” Matt asked, plopping himself next to Dom. He poked Dom in the shoulder and teased, “Growing too old to party, are we?”
“I’m just a bit tired,” was the reply. “I think I’ll hit the pillows soon.”
“Tired? Physically, okay. But otherwise? This was one of our best gigs! How can you not want to celebrate?”
“I’m not in the mood,” Dom said curtly.
“C’mon, Dom,” Matt pleaded. “Have a few drinks, you’ll feel better.” Dom’s refusal only made Matt beg more until Dom’s irritation got the better of him.
“Stop it, Matt.” Dom angrily pushed away Matt’s hand that had been tugging on his arm. “I said no, so stop being a wanker and leave me alone.” He buried his face in the towel he was holding, his elbows resting on his knees.
“I’m gonna get changed before we head off,” Chris interrupted from the sidelines. He didn’t want to witness another mindless tiff between his band mates. He said, “See you outside” to Matt and left the room with Tom following in tow, leaving Matt and Dom alone.
Matt silently observed Dom, mildly surprised by his sudden outburst. He was quite aware of Dom’s growing distance from him and from everything else, save music. In the past few weeks, Matt noticed that Dom had been detached and moody. It wasn’t like him to be so quiet, and Matt was beginning to miss Dom’s usual cheery and vibrant self, not to mention the 100-watt smile.
Now, looking at Dom’s irate and tired expression, Matt knew something serious was in the works and Dom was being hush about it.
“Dom?” Matt began, gently. When said person didn’t respond, Matt tried again. “Hey, what’s wrong? Has something happened?”
Dom could feel the extreme shift in Matt’s tone, as it went from playful and teasing to concern. He knew that if he turned to look at the singer and his burning blue gaze, he would spill everything that was bottled up inside him, and he didn’t want to ruin the wonderful night Matt was having by ranting out his sob story.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Dom replied, swallowing quickly. He turned to leave the dressing room, avoiding Matt’s stare.
“Oh, no you don’t,” Matt said, swiftly grabbing Dom’s arm before he escaped. “I’m not going to let you walk away. Something’s up and it’s troubling you. So you better—”
“Matt, please,” Dom pleaded, finally making eye contact with the singer. “Not tonight.”
Reluctantly, Matt let of go his hold on Dom’s arm. The look in Dom’s eyes was enough for him to step away. Dom turned around and left the room, leaving Matt to his own thoughts. Sighing, Matt shrugged off of his sweaty clothes and changed into normal ones to join Chris and the others.
Dom’s intent of not ruining Matt’s night was to no avail; Matt was now definitely not in a celebratory mood when he got to the club. He was glad that the others didn’t question him about Dom and were much too ecstatic to notice the shift in Matt’s behaviour. To his surprise, Matt didn’t even drink much, let alone get drunk. His mind was constantly on Dom. He sighed resignedly knowing that coercing Dom for an explanation would only result in the exact opposite, and the last thing he wanted was a fight to break out between them.
It was nearly two in the morning when they got back to the tour bus. Chris, Tom and Morgan, who were just about sober enough to stand and walk, made a beeline for their bunks once they entered. They were probably sound asleep the moment their heads hit the pillow.
After he was clad in a t-shirt and boxers, Matt clambered into his bunk. Before drawing the curtain back, he looked across to the spot where Dom was asleep. His hand stretched towards the curtain of the opposite bunk, fingers twitching on the soft material. His insides were itching for him to push the curtain aside, which was the only barrier between his gaze and Dom. However, his hand dropped and came to rest on his own curtain, drawing it closed.
Lying on the bunk, Matt stared at the low ceiling with nothing particular on his mind. Silence enveloped the bus, save for the gentle snores. As the moments passed, his eyes began to droop and he began to drift off to sleep only to be woken immediately by sudden muffled whimper.
“Dom?”
Matt jumped off his bunk and stepped closer to the opposite one. This time he drew the curtain away without any hesitation. Dom’s eyes were wide open and there was a thin sheen of sweat covering his face. He looked at Matt with slightly scared, misty eyes.
“What happened? Are you all right?”
“Nothing,” Dom lied. “I’m fine,” he said, turning his face away from Matt.
“Fucking hell, Dominic!” Matt whispered loudly, turning the other man’s face to meet his again. “You’re anything but ‘fine’ and ‘nothing’ doesn’t seem like a good enough answer. You have to do better than that.”
“Nightmares, okay.” Matt could feel the chagrin in Dom’s voice as he explained. “I’ve been having fucking nightmares for weeks. It’s why I’ve been acting the way I have.” He covered his face with both hands, rubbing his eyes.
“Nightmares about what?” the singer asked curiously.
“I don’t really feel like talking about it now,” snapped Dom. Matt gritted his teeth, but because Dom was feeling depressed and vulnerable, Matt decided against pressing him further.
“So you’ve been waking up every night like this?” Matt asked. Dom bit lip before nodding slightly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Dom shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “It wasn’t something I felt like sharing.”
Matt let out an exasperated sigh. “If you’ve been having these nightmares for a while now, you had every reason to talk about it rather than keeping it to yourself. Clearly, this has been fucking with your head.
“Yeah, whatever. I’ll try to go back to sleep now.”
Matt wasn’t sure what annoyed him more, Dom’s refusal to talk about it or his apparent indifference towards the whole matter. Instead of addressing the issue further, Matt thought for a whole ten seconds before saying, “Here, c’mon.” He nudged Dom to wake up. When Dom gave him a questioning look, Matt said, “Sleep in my bunk, with me.”
“Why?”
Matt simply shrugged, biting his lower lip. He stepped back towards his bunk and lay back, waiting for Dom to join. “Oh, just c’mon,” he ushered when Dom made no attempt to move.
“I can’t…”
“Of course you can. You’ve let me sleep next to you so many times before.”
“So you’re just asking me because you owe me.” The words left Dom’s mouth before he could think. He jumped off of his bunk, coming to stand over Matt. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. You know I didn’t mean that, right? I’ve just been so tired and stressed…”
“Just come over already.”
Dom gave him a weak smile and slipped into the bunk. Both shuffled in the small space, getting comfortable. Dom nestled close to Matt, resting his head on his friend’s chest. Matt drew back the curtains and wrapped an arm around Dom’s shoulder.
“Cheers, mate,” mumbled Dom.
“Anytime,” said Matt and pressed a fleeting kiss to the blonde head.
~
Surprisingly, the rest of Dom’s sleep had been peaceful. What was even better, he was in good spirits the following morning. This, however, didn’t go unnoticed by Matt, who chose to remain silent about it. It wasn’t like Matt to be so patient with something like this; his usual over-inquisitive side always sprang up when there was something going on that he wasn’t aware of.
But when it came to Dom, it all changed. The last thing Matt wanted was Dom avoiding him. In spite of all the teasing and taunting he threw towards the other man, Matt was extremely hopeless without Dom. Matt needed Dom as much as he needed oxygen, but he would be damned before he admitted that out loud. His big fat pride was a bit of an obstacle aside from the fact that he had no idea how Dom would react to something like that.
Two nights later saw another one of their remarkable performances and this time, even Dom couldn’t resist the urge to celebrate. Matt imagined that Dom was finally over his momentary problem and was back to his usual self.
But he was quite surprised to find Dom standing next to his bunk in the middle of the night, looking abashed.
“May I…”
“Of course,” was the only answer Matt gave him before shifting to make place for him.
The pattern continued the next night and the night after that. Dom would wake up, panting and sweating, and then join Matt, only to end up sleeping soundly. Even after they had checked into a hotel on one occasion, Matt had heard a knock on his door, but hadn’t been surprised to find Dom standing hesitantly on the other side. Matt had wordlessly obliged, pulling Dom into his room and onto his bed. He knew it was time for them to finally address the situation, but he didn’t want to disturb this new routine that had developed between them, for he had selfishly begun to look forward to their nights together.
“I think I owe you an explanation,” Dom started after he had rested his head on Matt’s chest once again.
“Took you long enough,” Matt replied with a small smile.
“Okay.” Dom paused. He swallowed thickly before continuing. “Like I said before, I keep having these dreams. It started a few weeks ago and it’s been same—not exactly the same, but quite similar—every night.”
“Every fucking night?”
“Yeah, kinda. If I was too drunk or knackered, I fell into a deep sleep. But other nights, yes.”
Matt hummed. “So what is the dream about?” he asked easily.
“Ah, well,” Dom hesitated, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in Matt’s arms. “It’s…er… embarrassing.” He fell silent, offering no further explanation.
“Right, so you finally decided to tell me all about it only to stop at ‘it’s embarrassing.’ You’re such a fucking tosser sometimes,” Matt teased.
“Oi!” Dom exclaimed and poked Matt’s tummy, making the smaller man wiggle violently. “I still can’t get over the fact that you are so ticklish,” he said, prodding Matt even more.
Matt, who was trying to hold back any noise by biting his lip, let out a high-pitched giggle, trying to swat Dom’s fingers away. “Dom, please. Stop before I pee in my pants.”
“Fine,” Dom said with a smile. “Wouldn’t want that happening now, do we?”
“No, indeed.”
Their gazes met as their laugher calmed. Dom reached out and delicately stroked his thumb over Matt’s left cheekbone. As soon as he realized what he had done, he hastily brought his hand back to his side, much to Matt’s disappointment. He cleared his throat, disentangling himself from Matt, and started to get off the bed. But Matt was having none of it.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He gripped Dom’s arm, making him stop. “I’m not letting you go.”
Dom swallowed, trying not to think much of what Matt just said to him.
“I’m sorry, Matt. I can’t do this right now.”
“For fuck’s sake, Dom, how hard can it be for you to talk to me about this? You seem to be making such a big deal of—”
“It’s you.” Dom buried his face in his hands. “The dreams, they are all about you,” he continued, his voice muffled by his hands.
A look of confusion crossed Matt’s faced as he sat up straighter on the bed. “What are you trying to tell me?”
“You fade away from me, Matt,” Dom admitted in a trembling voice, still refusing to meet Matt’s stare. “Before I can catch you.”
“So? It’s just a fucking dream, right?”
Dom whipped his head to face Matt, stunned. He should’ve known. Matt would never understand. “Do you have any fucking idea what that does to me? To watch you slip away from me? To have your fingers slide out of mine? To see you fade away and never come back? To know… that no matter how I feel about you, nothing can ever happen between us?”
The realization finally hit Matt. Dom’s mood change, his waking up alone and then sleeping peacefully in Matt’s reassuring presence. The little attention from Matt had changed so much in Dom. Matt cursed under his breath for not realizing it sooner. He hadn’t meant to sound so crass earlier. But before he could utter a word, Dom had already left the hotel room with the door slamming behind him, leaving Matt staring after him.
~
Neither spoke much the following day, let alone to each other. They kept their distance, consciously avoiding each other.
Matt wasn’t quite certain whether he was anxious or relieved after his conversation with Dom. A part of him was overcome with elation now that he knew there was no invisible barrier between him and the drummer anymore, but another part of him wondered if it was too late. Hushing the second notion, Matt finally knew what he had to do.
That evening, he spent a long time in a pub, trying to calm his nerves. But the alcohol wasn’t helping, and he had to make sure he didn’t drink too much.
When he returned to the hotel, he swiftly made his way towards Dom’s room. A few knocks later, Dom opened the door and before he had the chance to speak Matt let himself him, shutting and locking the door behind him. He grabbed Dom by the waist, crowding him against the nearest wall with one hand coming to rest on the wall, making sure that Dom couldn’t get away.
With their faces mere inches apart, Matt placed his palm against Dom’s cheek. Both shivered as their breaths mingled, skittering across each other’s lips.
“Matt, what are you doing?” Dom whispered.
“About what you said yesterday,” Matt began, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible. “I just wanted to say…”
Dom waited, but the other man said nothing.
“Say what?”
“Just this…”
Dom’s eyes widened and a sigh was all that escaped his mouth before thin lips pressed insistently against his. Dom was sure he was dreaming again and was going to be awakened any moment. To answer his unspoken thought, Matt tilted his head, deepening their kiss. Dom’s eyes fell shut and he wrapped his arms around Matt’s back, kissing him back intently.
A moan escaped his throat when Matt’s imploring tongue brushed against his lips. Parting his lips, he let their tongues entwine, eliciting a moan from Matt, whose arms were now tightly wound around Dom in an effort to bring them impossibly closer. A sense of urgency overcame them as their kisses became fervent.
Minutes later, they pulled apart with a wet smack. Their heads remained close as they panted into each other’s mouths.
“That’s all I wanted to say,” Matt whispered, reluctantly loosening his grip over Dom.
Dom said nothing and merely stared through half-lidded eyes. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but remained silent.
“What?” Matt asked.
Dom blushed. “Wow… that was… uhh…”
“I know,” Matt said, sliding his fingers down Dom’s arm before entwining their fingers. “I should’ve done that a long time ago,” he said. “I hope I’m not too late.”
Dom smirked, gently thrusting his hips forward, letting his bulging trousers brush against Matt’s. “I think not.”
Matt groaned at the contact and, judging by his own tightening trousers, he wasn’t all that surprised. “I don’t think the nightmares are gonna bother you tonight,” he said, slowly pulling Dom towards the bed. He pushed him down on the soft mattress before crawling over him.
“Because…?” Dom asked looking up at Matt, excitement and arousal prickling under his skin.
“Because you and I aren’t gonna get much sleep tonight,” Matt replied before sealing their lips together.
Dom smiled into the kiss, knowing that was one thing Matt was right about.