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“Hange no cat or dog will be in this house.”
They’ve been going at it for the past half an hour and no matter what Levi said would make Hange stop nagging him.
“Oh come on, Levi! It’s just this one little favor for me!”
Levi didn’t bother looking up from the tv. “Hange a little favor is buying your damn bread, having a pet in the house is not.” Hange lets out a small sigh before sitting next to Levi. “Well why are you so against cats? I mean I understand dogs for you but cats? No.”
Levi gives Hange a side eye. “What is that supposed to mean four eyes?”
Hange puts her hand up. “Nothing offensive, you just seem like a cat person.”
“Well I’m not. I don’t wanna deal with their attitude or their shedding.”
Hange pouts. “I bet you’d let Erwin keep his cat and let him get a dog.”
“If I did live with him I wouldn’t let him get a dog. And Erwin already has his cat. I couldn't do anything to make him get rid of her.”
Hange rolls their eyes and looks at the tv to see Levi putting on a random iceberg videos. About twenty minutes into the video Hange brings the subject up again.
“Levi tell me if I’m wrong but we can get any pet as long as it goes by your terms, right?”
Levi suppresses the urge to groan and opts for a sigh instead. “Just tell me what it is.”
Hange smiles and sits up. “What about a hamster? As far as I know it fits your terms; but I can do more research if you’d like.” Hange looks at Levi with a pleading look Levi looks back at them and rolls his eyes. “Tch. Sure whatever but you’re taking care of it not me, understand.” Hange grins. “Yes sir!” Levi glares at them. “Don’t ever call me sir again.”
A few weeks later the duo go to a pet store to get supplies. “Why do I need to be here again?”
“Because we both need to contribute to our child.”
“I already told you I’m not paying for anything.”
“I know but you have to be involved somehow. I’d rather have our child not have a deadbeat.”
Levi decidedly ignores Hange’s second comment. “How can I be involved if we don’t have the damn thing yet?”
“Show a little more respect towards it, it’s a hamster not a thing. And it counts because we're getting the supplies it needs.”
“It shouldn’t.”
“It shouldn’t get more respect or it shouldn’t count?”
“You decide shitty glasses.”
Hange hums before saying. “Do you want to get the decorations for the cage?”
Levi shrugs. “I don’t care.”
“Great, well you can do that while I get the other stuff.”
And with that they go their separate ways. Soon enough they get everything: the cage, food, bedding, etc. once they buy everything and get back to their apartment Hange immediately starts working on their and Levi’s future child’s home. After an hour or two Hange gets done with the cage and decides to go get a snack only to be greeted with Erwin on the couch on his phone.
“Oh hey Erwin.”
Erwin looks up from his phone and gives Hange a small wave. “Hello Hange. How’s the hamster habitat coming along?”
“Good, I’m done with it now. You can go see it if you want.”
“If you wouldn’t mind.” Erwin stands.
“Hey, you hungry?”
Erwin shakes his head. “No, I'm fine, thanks.” Hange grabs an orange and leads Erwin to their room. The cage is on Hnage’s desk. “I like it but did you have to get such a big cage? I’m sure you could’ve gotten a smaller one and it’d be cheaper.”
Hange nods. “I do see why you would think that but according to my sources it’s better to get a bigger cage unless you want your hamster to go insane.” Erwin nods before looking at Hange. “Do you have a name yet?”
Hange nods. “I have a few in mind but I don’t know which will piss Levi off more though.”
“I could help with that.”
“I would but sometimes you're up Levi’s ass so I don’t know if you’re gonna set me up or not. But thanks for the offer.”
“Am I really?”
“Sometimes. Where is Levi anyway?”
Erwin seemed to be lost in thought a few seconds later he looked up at Hange again. “What was the question?”
“Where is my best friend?”
“Oh he went to the store across from here.”
“How come you didn’t go?”
“Too hot.”
Hange nods their head then grins. “Hey Ervy, would you like to hear some facts about hamsters?” Erwin shrugs. “I probably don’t have much of a choice, so why not?”
A few days later Hange and Levi go to the humane society. “Levi, look at them!”
“I see them.”
“Aren’t they cute?”
“Just get the hamster you want so we can leave.”
“I’m taking that as a yes.”
Levi rolls his eyes. “Your logic is flawed shitty glasses.”
“Well you didn’t say anything negative nor positive about them and as you know I’m optimistic.”
They ended up getting a seven month old Syrian hamster that had cream and black colored fur whose name was Raspberry Marmalade but neither Hange or Levi were satisfied with the name so Hange decided to change it into something better.”
“You’re really gonna name the damn thing ‘Titan’.”
“It’s a hamster and it deserves your respect. And what’s worse for you, Raspberry Marmalade or Titan?” Levi grunts and looks away.
“Exactly! Besides I’m the mother here while you’re the absent father until you're needed so I get to name our son whatever I want!” Hange laughs. “Wow you’re really just an emergency case for when I get sick or out of time! But even then depending on what sickness I have I can still take care of him. So in the end you’re irrelevant.”
“So I’m basically a deadbeat?”
“I mean unless you wanna be nice then yes, you are. Congratulations!”
“Yeah I’m fine with that. Oh Erwin wanted to see the hamster later so could he see him or what. No matter what you say he’s coming over.”
“Well according to my sources they say it’s best to have the hamster get used to their habitat for a few days so can he wait?”
“You’ll have to ask him that.”
“How come he asked you and not me anyway?”
“He did but you haven’t checked your phone dumbass.”
“Oh. Well our son’s more important than him so it’s fine.”
Once they officially adopted Titan they put him in Hange’s car and they drove back to their apartment. Once they get home Hange puts Titan in his new habitat and puts a light cloth over his home.
“Have a good rest, Titan Raspberry Marmalade.”