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The cuffs around Ahsoka’s wrists were digging painfully into her flesh. She constantly braced herself for another jab at her lower back with the dull end of the spear the guards carried around. Guards? Keepers? Handlers? Ahsoka wasn’t sure what to call them. She wasn’t even sure where they were taking them. With wary eyes, she looked around, trying to gather clues. But there wasn’t much to look at to begin with; they were being walked through a dimly lit tunnel, with dirty stone walls and uneven pavement.
Next to Ahsoka was Rex, in front of her were Anakin and Obi-Wan and behind her were Cody and Fives. They had been sent on a rescue mission to free some senator’s royal best friend’s son or something. But they had gotten caught and been imprisoned in underground cells for at least a day, maybe more. All of them had been cuffed, though the three Jedi had also received Force suppression collars around their necks.
At first, Ahsoka figured they were slavers, but when she voiced this thought, Obi-Wan simply shook his head, deep in thought.
Around them, some of the guards and others walking past were whispering excitedly and Ahsoka strained to make out what was being said.
“...the tournament,” she caught one of them saying, and the other chuckled.
“Imagine how fun she would be if she won,” the other guard responded and Ahsoka felt her stomach churn.
“I believe the blonde would be quite something as well,” the first guard said. “Or that one.”
Ahsoka didn’t want to know what they were implying or who the third one out of them was. It was clear they were talking about her and Rex, as she was the only ‘she’ and he was the only blonde around. She doesn’t want to know what they’re so excited about, but she has been feeling their stares traveling over her body since they first got captured. So, to say she wasn’t very eager to find out was a grave understatement.
After the next turn they take they are suddenly met with a large wooden gate, reinforced with steel. Anakin and Obi-Wan are made to stop so in order to not bump into them, Ahsoka and Rex stop as well. They wait for the guards’ next moves, and the two who had been walking at the front start unlocking the gate.
Ahsoka’s eyes shut instinctively when bright light flooded the dark tunnel as soon as the gate was pushed open. Opening them carefully and squinting, she is still trying to adjust to it and the short blindness she had experienced, when she receives another jab to her back. She stumbles forward and tries to keep herself from turning around and glaring at the guard behind her. They are made to walk out into the bright area, which, after hearing the loud cheers all around, Ahsoka comes to the horrifying conclusion is a round arena of some sorts. There were others being brought out on the opposite sides and Ahsoka took in the various obstacles around the stadium. Or at least they looked like obstacles. Various hovering platforms all over, all at different heights and with different means of getting up. There were also large steel boxes to hide behind or get on top of.
The guard behind her suddenly steps in front of her and roughly grabs her arms. If looks could kill the man would surely be dead on the floor right now. What surprises Ahsoka is that he takes out a key and unlocks the cuffs, freeing her wrists from their pressure. Once he is done, she yanks her wrists away and takes a step back, rubbing her hands over the sore skin and shooting more daggers at him with her eyes. He didn’t look impressed.
Ahsoka noticed that the others had also been relieved of their bonds and the guards were now pointing their weapons at them while slowly backing away towards the gate, closing and presumably locking it after they all left.
Suddenly, a loud static went through the arena, seemingly coming from several speakers all around it. The crowd in the elevated stands was too high up for even Ahsoka to jump up to, at least without the Force, roared and then quieted down as a female voice started speaking.
“Welcome, welcome! The Kilimarii games will begin shortly, but first, let’s hear some noise for our new, specially elected contestants!”
Ahsoka could only stand there in horror as the crowd got loud again. She was almost 100% sure that they were the special contestants.
“For those of you who are not familiar with the game, the objective is to eliminate your opponents. The platforms you see are to make things more interesting - but if you are on one alone for one minute, an electric shock will run through the platform. You’ll get two more warnings after the initial shock, and if you’re still not off the platform or someone has engaged you on it, the electrocution will become deadly,” the voice gleefully told them. “Any attempts at escape are strongly discouraged and could possibly result in your death. You fight with your bare hands or with a spear, if you can get to one.”
Ahsoka looked around, spotting a few spears high up on the walls. She could definitely get up there, as could all three clones and the other two jedi. Problem is, she doesn’t know how capable their opponents are.
“Aside from that, there are no rules! The last person standing will be greatly rewarded,” the voice continued. “Happy watching! And good luck.”
A chime sounded through the arena, and the people on the other side started running for the spears. The audience was cheering wildly, meanwhile Ahsoka felt the blood in her veins freeze. Anakin bumped against her shoulder and she turned to him, taking in the deep frown on his face.
“Let’s stick together,” he says and Ahsoka can only nod wordlessly in response.
The three jedi and three clones band together in a circle to shield themselves from any possible attackers from all directions. And sure enough, several people started charging at them, while others engaged each other further away. Luckily, none of the ones who were running towards them had gotten to a spear. It was certainly disheartening to see how many of the others were very willing to play this twisted game. Fighting them off proved to be rather easy; the hard part was that they wouldn’t stay away. It wasn’t a very fair fight if one side of people were ready to kill and the others didn’t even want to hurt them.
“Anyone got a plan?” Anakin grit out right before dodging a punch and delivering a rather harsh one to his assailant’s nose.
“I thought you were always the one with the brilliant plans,” Ahsoka quipped back, rather occupied with kicking another person off of herself.
“We’ve gotten out of similar situations before. At least this time we’re not starting out tied up and completely defenseless,” Obi-Wan says and Ahsoka shoots Anakin a confused look over her shoulder.
He only rolls his eyes in response to her. “If you’re referring to Geonosis, that was supposed to be an execution. These people want to watch us die fighting each other for no particular reason other than entertainment.”
And then one person with a spear runs forward and manages to jab it at Obi-Wan, luckily only cutting a gash into his side. The Jedi stumbles back and clutches his side and Cody is quick to act. A sickening crunch is heard and the attacker stumbles back, holding his nose, blood seeping through his fingers. Cody quickly disarms him and takes the spear for himself.
“For some reason I feel as though this was a lot easier on Geonosis,” Obi-Wan grits out, his voice almost drowned by the screams of the crowd.
“Maybe because those kriffing bugs had farts for brains!” Anakin yells back.
There were already several dead bodies, and it seemed as though a few of the others had decided to team up as well and head for their little group. Slowly, their formation starts to crumble and they are forced to spread out more. Ahsoka runs towards a cluster of obstacles, passing through and over them with practiced ease. She was heading for one of the highest platforms, hoping she’d maybe get some sort of vantage point to map out any possible hidden advantages or escape routes. The padawan jumps up and grabs the metal bar above her, swinging back and forth a few times to gain momentum before pushing off and letting go, landing perfectly on top of the platform. If she had been paying attention to the crowd around them, she would’ve heard and uproar at her showcasing her athleticism. Standing up, she quickly tried to survey her surroundings. Several locked gates were all around the arena walls, and from this height she unfortunately couldn’t see behind or above the crowd for any possible exits. She gets distracted when she sees Anakin, now with a spear, engaging two opponents at once, and rather aggressively too. Shaking her head, she hadn’t realized that she was running out of time and the shock that followed stunned her enough that her knees buckled underneath her. Ahsoka cried out in pain and fell to her knees, shaking with the electric current going through her body. Once it was over, she sat there, on her hands and knees with her head bowed down, breathing heavy noises of pain. Before a second warning shock can come, a person swings onto the platform behind her. Ahsoka quickly gets up and to the edge of the platform in a defensive position. The person was a jazbinan male, with a vicious grin on his face. Ahsoka instinctively lowers herself in an almost predatory position and the jazbinan mimics her. They circle each other, watching the other’s every move. Something about this whole thing feels eerily familiar though, and Ahsoka thinks back to Wasskah, where she had been taken by the Trandoshans to be hunted for sport. It puts her in a high drive of fight or flight, and Ahsoka is certainly not someone to flee.
Suddenly, the jazbinan lunges at her, though she manages to dodge most of the attack. He slips halfway off of the platform, but manages to grab her ankle and the edge, sweeping her off her feet. Ahsoka lands painfully hard on the platform and feels the jazbinan start clawing at her ankle, trying to get back up and throw her down. A fall from this height at an unfortunate angle would surely have a great chance at killing her.
Panic overcomes her, it courses through her veins. This is too much like the hunt, the grip on her ankle eerily similar to that of one of the trandoshans back then. Images she can’t make out, feelings she thought were only memories drown her and she thinks back to the youngling; Kalifa. Her dying in Ahsoka’s arms.
Before she knew it, she lunged at the jazbinan, practically bending in half to reach down to her ankle. Without being able to control herself, she sinks her fangs into the jazbinan’s wrist. Biting down, tearing away, feeling the tendons rip and blood spray out. It starts running down her chin as well and she can hardly hear the jazbinan yelling in pain. He lets go, hand instinctively shooting out to hold onto his chewed up wrist, making him fall backward and off the platform for good. Ahsoka thinks she heard a crack from below, but all she can see is Kalifa and the image of the jazbinan’s wrist hanging half off his arm. It felt like an eternity went by, but really it only took Ahsoka a few seconds to bend over the edge of the platform and watch with wide eyes as the jazbinan twitches and cries in pain. It is evident that he landed on his neck and is unable to get up, and there seems to be blood seeping out from underneath his head as well. His death doesn’t take long to come on either, though again, to Ahsoka it felt like an eternity.
She sits there, breathing heavy and completely stunned into silence. The crowd roars in excitement, but she doesn’t register any of it. Ahsoka’s hands start to shake and she just sits there on her knees, hands in her lap, until she receives another shock. It momentarily snaps her out of her trance and she jumps off the platform, landing on her feet with her knees bent. Despite the jump being perfect, once she looks to the side, her knees start to wobble. Lying next to her, is the unmoving body of the jazbinan and suddenly, nausea climbs its way up her throat. She doesn’t throw up, but she thinks she is close to.
Aware that danger is still all around, she gets up and turns away from the body. To her horror, she locks eyes with Obi-Wan. Having no idea what expression her face is doing, no idea what she’s feeling, she can’t bring herself to try and decipher Obi-Wan’s expression. The copper taste on her mouth is getting to be too much though and so she finally turns her head away, shamefully avoiding eye contact, and spits blood onto the ground. The padawan manages to suppress a shudder and finds that everything is spinning. The sound of the crowd is muffled to her montrals and Ahsoka is vaguely aware that she’s just standing there, where anyone could come and attack her. She feels herself floating further and further away, her body growing numb to her.
Somewhere in the distance, someone is yelling her name, but she doesn’t react. A hand suddenly grabs her upper arm and she jumps, spinning around and baring her bloody fangs, an almost feral sound building in her throat. But luckily she realizes it’s only Rex before she lets it out and immediately closes her mouth.
“We need to go,” Rex says, though Ahsola can see the concerned and questioning look in his eyes, mixed with something else she can’t quite make out.
His hand is still on her upper arm and he starts pulling her with him slightly, until his words finally click in her head and she runs after him towards the suddenly open gate. It wasn’t the same one as the one they got in, but upon spotting dozens of clones standing around it, she felt her shoulders relax slightly. She distantly recognizes them as the Wolfpack, which means Master Plo must be close by.
Ahsoka and Rex run through the dark underground tunnel, flanked by several clone troopers who fought off any guards trying to stop them. As soon as they reach the surface, they are submerged into a new chaos. People from the audience are running away, probably thinking about being arrested. There are more guards trying to stop them from escaping, but it’s no use. Ahsoka just follows Rex and ignores the way her chest is burning.
They make it through the crowd and to the troop transports without an incident and Rex waits for Ahsoka to step on before he follows her. The young togruta is sure she would see several of the clone troopers in there staring at her if it wasn’t for their helmets. But she could certainly feel their looks, and she can’t really blame them for it.
“Come on, sit down for a second,” Rex is next to her again and putting his gentle hands on her shoulders, pushing her down onto one of the crates.
Ahsoka was very clearly still rather absent, as she had not noticed Rex grabbing a rag from somewhere and wetting it. He held it up to her face, silently asking for permission, and the young padawan just nodded her head. With steady hands he starts wiping the mostly dried blood off her lips, chin and neck. His touch was so gentle, so caring, but also careful. From time to time, Rex would glance up into Ahsoka’s eyes. It’s like she wasn’t even there, the way she was zoned out staring straight ahead.
“Here, drink some,” Rex says once he’s done, handing her a canteen filled with water. “Maybe rinse your mouth a little. You can spit it in the rag until we get back to the ship.”
Ahsoka nods in a detached sort of way but accepts the canteen and the rag Rex leaves in her lap. The cool water in her parched mouth is the first thing she really feels after what happened. Ahsoka keeps her eyes on the floor as she starts rinsing out her mouth and once the copper taste is mostly gone, she swallows several large gulps of water.
As soon as the ship lands on the Resolute, Rex is at her side. He takes the rag and canteen and helps her up. With his hand ghosting over her upper back he guides her to the med-bay, knowing she wouldn’t go off her own volition. Still, feeling a bit more present now, Ahsoka has some things to say about it.
“I’m not even hurt, Rex,” she complains.
“It’s protocol,” he simply says, glancing down at her. “And from all the adrenaline, maybe you got hurt but didn’t notice it. Either way, it’s important for Kix to give everyone a check up.”
Ahsoka doesn’t respond, just presses her lips into a tight line and keeps walking with her Captain. There was still blood on the front of her battledress and some spots of it down her leggings, but the majority of it was around her ankle. Where the jazbinan had held onto her. It did hurt slightly, but she was sure that was only because of the strong grip he had on her, so maybe her skin was a little bruised at most.
It seems as though Rex had commed Kix at some point without Ahsoka noticing, because as soon as they make it to the med-bay he’s already there and ushering them inside. He walks over to an empty bed and pats it, causing Ahsoka to roll her eyes before sitting down on it.
“I’ll just check you over real quick, Commander, then you can go,” Kix says, eyes lingering on Ahsoka’s bloody ankle.
“Fine, but this is so unnecessary,” Ahsoka responds, crossing her arms. “I’m not even hurt.”
“Well, then this won’t take long,” Kix says, turning to the side to gather what he needed.
Rex is standing on the side with his arms crossed and Ahsoka spots a cut on his cheek. She frowns to herself, wondering how she hadn’t noticed it earlier.
“Hey, Commander!” Someone calls from behind her and she turns around, spotting Jesse. “It’s so good to- what happened to you ?!”
Ahsoka freezes, both at the question and at the sight of a cast around his wrist. She remembers the jazbinan’s wrist, right after she had torn into it. Images of his dead body float around in her head. His twisted neck, the way his hand and flesh hung limply from his wrist bone, the blood flooding out. The same blood she’s covered in.
“The blood isn’t mine,” she speaks up, tongue heavy as she is overcome by nausea. “The blood isn’t mine.
Kix seems to have noticed the nauseated look on her face and quickly pushes a small, steel bowl into her hands. Mere seconds before Ahsoka’s body shakes, her mouth filling with saliva and throat spasming as she gags and throws up. Tears burn in her eyes and there’s a comforting hand on her back, but as soon as she sees the redness of her vomit, she is triggered into throwing up yet again. The fact that she swallowed the jazbinan’s blood runs in her thoughts on an endless loop, only making her throw up a third time. Not much had come out, mainly it was stomach acid mixed with blood, since she hadn’t eaten anything ever since they were captured. The tears are rolling freely down her cheeks now, mostly from the burning in her throat and the acidic taste in her mouth. Someone presses a slightly wet rag into her hand and she shakily brings it up to wipe her lips and chin clean. Somewhere from her right, a hand gently wipes away the wetness on her cheeks, but her vision is still blurred from the tears so she can’t make out who it is. The rag is removed from her hand again and a mug of water is pressed into it instead. Although Ahsoka’s hands are shaking, she lifts it up to her lips and takes a few sips, rinsing her mouth with them and spitting it into the bowl. Once the taste of vomit and blood is mostly cleared from her mouth again, she drinks until the mug is empty. Her vision is clear again and she watches as Kix takes the mug from her hand and picks up the vomit filled bowl from her lap, leaving the room. Ahsoka’s breathing is still slightly heavy and she finally realizes it is Rex who was sitting next to her with his hand rubbing soothing circles between her shoulder blades. He sends her a warm expression, not quite a smile and with worry shining in his eyes, but comforting nonetheless.
The door opens again and Kix re-enters the med bay, but with Anakin following behind him. It was obvious Kix hadn’t brought him — Anakin had clearly brought himself, and Kix looked more than a little annoyed about it.
“Is it alright if I take a look at your ankle?” The medic asks and Ahsoka nods wordlessly. “Alright, scoot back a bit for me, and lift your ankle up here.”
She does as she’s told, leaning against the wall at the head of the bed and propping her leg up onto the bed. Kix starts looking over her ankle, meanwhile Ahsoka makes the mistake of looking over at Anakin, who had been uncharacteristically quiet. Their eyes lock and she almost immediately turns her head away again, opting to look down at the white sheets underneath her.
“I’m so sorry, Commander, I didn’t mean to… uh, well, I’m not really sure what happened or why, but I’m so sorry,” Jesse says, coming up to her from the other side of the bed.
“It’s alright,” she says, shaking her head slightly. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”
Her voice sounds raw and monotone and a miserable smile makes its way onto her face, not looking as reassuring as she had hoped. Jesse still had the same mix of a concerned and apologetic frown on his face. Ahsoka looks back down at the sheets.
Kix had taken off her boot and carefully rolled up her leggings to her knee. His touch was gentle and professional, but also surprisingly soft.
“Everyone, please leave if you’re not here for medical attention,” he tells Rex, Anakin and Jesse. “You’re crowding me.”
Ahsoka could tell there was some other reason for him sending them out, and she wondered what it was. Jesse and Rex immediately headed for the door, only shooting her a few caring looks before leaving. But Anakin stayed where he was, arms crossed.
“You too, General,” Kix says.
“Why? I’m her Master,” Anakin says. “I just want to know if she’s okay.”
“And you will know, once you leave and I am able to do my job without distractions,” Kix deadpans. “You know you’ll be the first to know, General.”
Anakin hesitated, looking over at Ahsoka. The look on her face made his heart clench and he sighed, running a hand down his face.
“Fine,” he mumbles, leaving the room while grumbling to himself.
“Commander,” Kix says, redirecting Ahsoka’s attention back to him. “Your ankle is a bit scratched up, nothing too bad though.”
He watches her face fall slightly, looking at her with a thoughtful expression. As though he were contemplating something. Ahsoka was about to ask him to just spit it out when he opened his mouth.
“There seem to be some… similar looking scars underneath the wounds,” he says carefully. “Do they have anything to do with what happened?”
The padawan avoids his gaze and simply nods, clasping her hands together in her lap to stop herself from fidgeting with her fingers.
“Can you tell me about it?” Kix asks, and Ahsoka hesitates. “I don’t mean to pressure you, but it’s either me or the mind healers.”
He pauses and seems to think it over for a second before adding; “Or General Skywalker. Actually, Rex would probably work as well. It’s entirely up to you.”
Ahsoka chews on the inside of her cheek, mulling it over without looking at him. It wasn’t really a big deal, what happened with the trandoshans could be found in a report somewhere anyway. It’s better if she just gets it over with and tells him, Ahsoka decides.
“Some time ago, I was captured during the battle of Felucia,” Ahsoka starts. “I’m sure you might’ve heard about it.”
She watches Kix’s face very closely, but he doesn’t confirm or deny, so she just continues. “These trandoshans that captured me took me to Wasskah, where I was released into the wild with the other prisoners to be hunted and killed by the trandoshans for sport. I met three other Jedi there, or well, they were still only younglings when they were taken. But we stuck together and worked to get out of there. One of them was killed.”
Ahsoka lowers her head, staring down at her hands. “Kalifa was her name. I stopped one of the trandoshans from killing her, only for her to be shot either way.”
Tears were building in Ahsoka’s eyes yet again and she stubbornly pushed them down. “And then today… we were captured and brought into this large arena. There were people watching us fighting to death. They wanted us to kill each other for no reason other than entertainment.”
She speaks of it with such disgust and anger, spitting out the word ‘entertainment’ with hatred. It wasn’t very Jedi-like of her at all, but she let herself, because what does Kix really know about Jedi customs and beliefs? Talking about it to a non-Jedi had been a good idea, as she felt she didn’t have to hold back on how much what happened bothered her.
“There was a jazbinan man who attacked me on top of this sort of high up platform. I almost threw him over the edge, but he managed to hold onto it and my leg. I’m not sure what happened, but it just… it brought me back to Wasskah,” Ahsoka explains quietly. “And I… I don’t know why, I can’t even fully remember doing it, but I just… something snapped in me and suddenly all I could think of was surviving and fighting, and I… I bit his wrist. Or, well, actually, I sort of took a chunk out of it. Just ripped it open with m-my teeth.”
This time around, Ahsoka was unable to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. Her body started shaking, but she tried her best to contain it and control her breathing. She didn’t look up at Kix once.
“I-I dug into him l-like an a-animal,” her voice cracks and wobbles and it takes everything in her to not start sobbing right then and there. “I know there’s already so much s-stigma about my people being nothing more than a-animals, that we’re violent a-and dangerous, but we’re not! We’re not, and I feel like I’m letting everyone down. I feel so… he didn’t deserve that. I didn’t mean to kill him.”
Her face crumbles completely and she buries it in her hands, pressing her lips tightly together to stay quiet. The hard, thin mattress of the bed only dips down ever so slightly when Kix sits down, but Ahsoka still feels it.
“Ahsoka,” his use of her name made her look up at him, despite tears still flowing from her eyes. “You did what you had to do to survive. You should never be ashamed of that.”
“I didn’t have to do that though,” Ahsoka sniffles. “I could’ve just fought him off, kept him away from me. But I decided to… to bite him.”
“It’s not your fault,” Kix says firmly, yet gently. “You were in a high-stress, life or death situation and on top of that, you were triggered to think about another life or death situation you’ve experienced in the past. None of it is your fault, you did what you had to do.”
Ahsoka goes quiet, having stopped crying. She sits, fumbling with her hands in her lap and seems to think over his words. Eventually, she takes a deep breath and looks up at Kix, nodding slightly.
“Alright, you’re right,” she says hesitantly.
If he was confused about her sudden switch of emotions, he hid it very well. He sends her a soft smile and gets back up to grab a tub of bacta cream and bandages. Ahsoka watches him take care of her ankle and pulls down her pant leg again once he’s done. The thick, stark white bandages create a bump under the fabric of her leggings and peeks out through the rips in it.
“Thanks, Kix,” she says, still deep in thought as she runs her fingers over it.
“No problem, Commander,” he answers. “Stay here, get some rest. I’ll get Jesse to fetch you something to eat from the mess hall.”
Ahsoka nods and reaches for the folded up blanket at the end of the bed, draping it over herself and lying down. Kix steps away and pulls the curtains around the bed shut. They shut out most of the bright, white light of the med-bay and give her a sense of privacy. Even though she isn’t too sure about what Kix told her, and she still feels ashamed, she decides she’ll deal with that shame and self-hatred after a nap. She wonders if she’ll taste the jazbinan’s blood in the food Jesse will bring her, or if she’ll start crying again once she washes her clothes of his blood. If Anakin will want to know what happened, if Obi-Wan will want to talk to her about what he saw. But for now, she can ignore all of that. For now, she’ll just go to sleep.