Work Text:
"Deku san, what is your thought on the leaked news about yours and pro hero Dynamite divorce?"
"Is it true that your 5 years marriage is ending?"
"Rumor has it, your recent closeness to pro hero shouto is the reason behind the divorce."
"Deku san! Deku san! please give us an answer."
"There has been numerous sighting of you and pro hero shouto together outside of hero work. Too many that many believe not all those visits are friendly casual visits....."
All those blinding flashes, shoved mics, prodding questions about her personal life, every single accusations thrown at her does nothing but make the anxiety buzzing under her skin thousand times worse. The reporters that she once was friendly with have now become hungry vultures in her mind. The way they are picking apart her life, from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep, nothing is left unturned. She feels so exposed under their scrutinizing gaze.
ANSWER US! ANSWER US! ANSWER US! ANSWER US! ANSWER US! ANSWER US! ANSWER US! ANSWER THEM! DEKU
The screaming voices inside her head that sounds so much like katsuki makes her want to claw her brain out just to stop the voices.
1 week ago
"I don't think I can do this anymore, Katsuki. I'm done fighting for us alone. Choose something Katsuki!" Choose me or cut me free from this, her heart screamed. "Why can't you admit that our marriage is dying! You can't keep on ignoring me. I can't continue giving you pieces of me if you never show the same courtesy to me." Her heart is beating dangerously fast in her chest. She feels like it is going to burst. She is shaking, tears are streaming down her cheeks, voice cracked from all the crying and screaming.
But there is a small voice in the back of her mind whispering her to stop it, stop fighting against him, you're hurting him. It's the same voice that whispers kachan is right, you're worthless, you're nothing, you'll never be a hero, useless whenever he was using his quirk to hurt her. She used to follow that whispers, believed it even, but she couldn't anymore.
"How long can we continue on this path till its too late, till we're nothing but husk of our past self? Remember, what you promised me last time.....I think, I think it's time now for you to fulfil that promise....Please, just sign the papers Katsuki." Her voice showed just how much done she was, done with being stuck in a vicious cycle of forgiving him, trusting him and inevitably hurting herself when he breaks promises made to her again and again and again, done with giving this another chance, done with drinking to ignore the loneliness seeped deep in her bones. She was just done.
The air was thick with loss and indecision. Somehow, he was uncharacteristically silent throughout the whole ordeal, never raised his voice against her, face blank of any emotion. "Fine" was all he said before signing the divorce papers. She wished he would scream, and shout at her, tell her he still loved her, tell her he can't lose her, even if it was lie or just scream the truth, that he didn't love her anymore, that he stuck around out of respect to her dead mother's dying wish. That way, at least she could hate him fully from her soul yet he didn't. He just left her alone. "You're so cruel, Katsuki." She said to herself in that quiet room.
Her mind reels back to the beginning of the war, when public was against her entering the school premise, afraid that her mere presence was going to compromise everyone's safety. At that time, her friends, her mother, and those she saved were on her side, but right now, she feels completely and utterly alone surrounded by flocks of news reporter in the middle of busy intersection. She wants to scream her lungs out, and runaway from this nightmare to shouto's arm, her best friend, her rock in both happy and difficult times. And as much as she wants to do that, she won't, she will held her head high and brave through this nightmare, not for herself but for shouto's sake. He doesn't deserve the slanders he is receiving when all he tried to do was save her from wasting away her life. She won't let anything stain his reputation and if she has to stop being friends with him and watch him live his life from afar, then so be it.
When they had shared about getting married soon, everyone was surprised. Considering that they had kept their relationship secret from even their closest of friends, their shock was expected. Their parents were ecstatic by the news, but those who knew about her and Katsuki's turbulent history, especially her friends, they were worried about her. But seeing her so happy and in bliss, they resorted to keeping their thoughts to themselves, only saying that maybe they should wait few more years before jumping to marriage, and it was too early for them to be getting married which was true, as they had just turned twenty when they got married. Oh, how she wishes she could go back in time and knock some sense into her twenty year self but alas it was impossible.
Everything was perfect between them at first. He was still Kachan to her and she felt like she was finally on equal footing to him. Then why did she felt like something was missing. Even when she was finally being acknowledged in his eyes after chasing after him for so many years of pain, and fighting alone, the gaping hole of loneliness was never completely filled. Cracks were starting to form around the corner of the perfect married life she had envisioned for them. And by the time she noticed, it was already too late.
The first crack appeared not with angry shoutings from both sides but with the realization that her husband hasn't been coming home, to her for weeks. At first, she chalks it to him being busy with hero duties but deep down she knew, it was a lie. She tries really hard, she calls him everyday if she can, tries to spent as much time as she can with him. But it seems like nothing is ever enough for him. The rare dinner they have together is either too tense or full of heated comments towards her. There always seems to be a reason or two, for him to shout at her. And with every insults thrown at her, she starts to believe each and every single one of them. She tries everything just to make him look at her again, even if it is for him to yell at her.
CRACK
The goodbye kisses they shared before leaving for work seems more like something he has to do as if it's his duty, not something he truly wants to do. His movement awkward, and robotic, like the motion is automatic from years of doing it daily. She sees through it all too well.
CRACK
He says she is being clingy so she restrains herself from hugging him or holding his hands in public.
CRACK
Whenever his gaze lingers on her hands for bit too long, there is barely concealed disgust in his eyes so she starts to wear glove even inside their home. The same crooked fingers that was once held by him, promising to love every part of her in front of crowd of their friends and families.
CRACK
He says her muttering ticks him off so she snaps her jaw shut whenever she notices she is muttering. Even though at one point in their shared past, he had confessed to her that it soothes him.
CRACK
He gets angry whenever she talks about her friends and how good they are doing so she stops talking about them in his presence.
CRACK
He stops smiling at her, stops asking how her day went, stops asking for her kisses, stops hugging her in his sleep, stops leaving behind messages for her, stops holding her hand even when they are alone together, stops greeting her when she returns late from work, stops waiting for her to eat dinner together. He stops being kachan to her.
CRACK
She finds herself alone in crowed room full of known and unknown faces in every single celebrations, parties, hero galla, and interviews for the duo. She watches with heart heavy, eyes stinging with tears threatening to fall as everything reminds of him, what they were supposed to have. In a room full of life, she finds herself dead and hollow inside.
CRACK
She plasters on the brightest fake smile for the world and lies through her teeth. Pretends that she is the luckiest person in the world to have him as her husband, that they love each other so dearly that sometimes it is too much, that he understands her like no one, that he is always there for her. Which is far from truth and sometimes when a few hungry reporters questions the truth in her answers, stating that they never show affection in public even off duty, she simply repeats the lies she has been practicing for such occasion. "Kachan is such a tsundere but he is the biggest softie when it's just us. Says he can't ruin his brash reputation by being soft with me in public...But really, he is a very good husband even if he doesn't appear like it at first glance afterall he is direct copycat of his mother."
CRACK
It was a special occasion, not only because it was the 25th wedding anniversary of his parents (who are also her in-laws) but also because they were sitting together for something not related to hero work after a long, long time. Even though the two are so different from each other, their love still remains strong to this day. It's something she envies deeply but she'll never say it out loud.
And despite the joyous occasion and delicious feast spread infront of her, her stomach churns, and biles rises to her throat as she watches from the sidelines Katsuki laugh and smile so freely. She hadn't seen that smile or heard his laughter in ages. Her body is present there, but she is floating above it, disconnected from her body. They're talking, sharing gossips, and laughing but as she tries to hold his hand again, he casually slips his hand away from her grip. He doesn't even notices doing so or the hurt clear on her face. No one does. They don't even notice her leaving the table until the dinners finished.
He screams at her again when she is doing the dishes. "Oie, who said you can just leave the table. Couldn't you just sit through the whole thing if not for me, but for my parents. It's their big anniversary. You always have to ruin everything. All the efforts and time spent to prepare this feast gone down the sink. Congratulations, here is your award for being the world's worst fucking daughter in law." He screams holding a dirty spatula in a mock presenting of award.
"I wasn't feeling well...I'm sorry for ruining everything again. I'll say sorry to both of them as well." She chokes out. "You better." And he's gone, leaving her alone again.
The next day he tells her sorry for screaming at her, that he just wanted everything to go perfectly for his parents special day, that he had little too many drinks, that he shouldn't have yelled at her, that she didn't really ruin everything, that if he had known earlier about her unwellness he would have made her stay back at home. She doesn't correct him by saying the truth, that seeing him smile and laugh so freely was what made her sick in the first place.
As the cracks grew more and more, stretching wider and even more deeper, she drowns away the emptiness rooted deep within her soul with alcohol that makes even Ochako's drinking look so miniscule. Her friends worry about her fridge being stocked with mostly hard liquors and about the ridiculous amount of empty bottles stashed away in the recycle bin left to be shipped off. She always manages to divert the conversation before it gets too serious. But she knows, one day she can no longer pretend anymore to anyone.
That day comes after four years of their marriage, two years after realising what she thought she had was a lie, one years after admitting to herself that he doesn't love her anymore. It was Tenya birthday and she was present alone again. She was on her fourth bottle of whisky, when Shouto sits infront of her in the bar. He steals away her bottle before she can finish it. His eyes full of worry for her. "Stop drinking. It's like what, your 4th or 5th bottle. You know its not good for you, right. If Tenya was here, he would be lecturing you nonstop till you stop drinking altogether." She tries to swipe her bottle back from his grip unsuccessfully and relents to ask the bar tender for another bottle. At this point, even the bar tender are worried about her health. In the end, she drinks a total of 5 & a half bottle before she completely loses it.
"Shouto, am I that bad of a wife? I swear I try my best everyday but it still isn't enough for him. Why doesn't he love me Shouto? Am I that hideous, that he can't be together with me? Or did he finally realise that I'm truly a 'deku', useless, worthless, waste of space and oxygen. I mean look at me. I wouldn't marry me either........." She babbles in her drunken state not even noticing the increasing sense of horror creeping on Shouto's face the more she speaks.
She wakes up on a hospital bed with vague memory of attending someone's birthday party. As she tries to search through her memories, a painful headache throbs at the back of her head. She looks around the almost empty room and as her eyes land on Shouto's sleeping form, everything plays back in her mind like a movie clip. Shame and guilt rises inside her as she realises that she had finally confessed her true feelings to someone, that she had blown her own cover but mainly because that someone was Shouto. She didn't want anyone to find out about her failing marriage, she didn't want anyone to be worried about her since it was her fault, at least that's what she used to believe but no longer.
Just then the door was opened loudly and she immediately knew who was at the door. Katsuki was standing at the door with his ever present scowl on his face, and anger burning brightly in her eyes. The loudness was enough to wake Shouto up. He marches upto her bed, grips her hand tightly and screams "We're going back home." He might have succeeded if not for Shouto's intervention.
"No" She says in a small voice which makes both men to pause. "What!" "I said no Katsuki. We're going to talk before going back home. And this time, you're going to listen." "Oie, I didn't agree to this." "Then, I shall stay here." "Tch. Halfie leave the room so we can talk." "I'm not leaving you alone with Izumi." "You have no business sticking your nose in our private conversation." "He will stay here." "Are you crazy! Oie, just scram from here halfie before I make you." "No, he stays here Katsuki. It's not like we're going to be discussing something he doesn't know already." "What the hell did you say?!"
After arguing for another half hour, finally she was able to make him agree to Shouto staying. "So, what did you want to talk about? Spit it out already." "Do you even love me Katsuki?" "Ofcourse I do. Otherwise I wouldn't have married you in the first place." It was clearly a lie, one even he couldn't believe. "Is that so, then why are we having this conversation? Why this is the most you talked to me without cursing or yelling at me? Why this is the first time in ages, you have actually tried to talk with me? Why do I have to lie and pretend everything is going on nicely between us? Why do you ignore me? Why do you try to lose your hand out of my hold every single time? Why do I feel like your occasional love you is nothing but a lie?" She wanted to say more but it will never be sufficient enough to express her true feelings about this whole mess.
The silence lies thick upon them that it is almost suffocating. "I didn't intend for you to feel like that...Sorry for unintentionally hurting you, I guess. But why did you have to say anything about it to halfie here." "Don't say anything to him. He is my best friend. He worries about me and I could no longer keep on pretending. And don't try to divert the conversation, you know it as well as I do that you don't love me anymore. So, you don't need to lie to me. Please, Katsuki." "I don't understand how you came to that conclusion." "I know you don't. How can you understand when it was only me fighting for us, it was me who had to listen to insults you whispered under your breath, it was me who had to watch their spouse loose love for her, it was me who had to lie and tell that you're busy everytime people asked why I'm alone in a celebration or party." "You don't understand cause you never had to face it. Heck, you're not even mad at me for calling you Katsuki instead of Kachan like I used to! If you truly felt love towards me like you used to, you would be correcting me each time I called you something other than Kachan."
He gently wraps his hands around her own and promises her that he will try to be a better husband to her, that he will try to show how he much loves her, that he will try to pay more attention to her, that he will try to spend more time with her and lastly he will try his best to keep her happy. And if he fails to do so, he will agree to whatever she wishes, even if that may be divorce. He begs her to give this another chance. And of course she did, cause she is a idiot with no self preservation.
They leave the hospital with hope in her heart and worry clear as day in Shouto's face but he bites his lips to stop himself from speaking against it.
Things appear to improve for a few weeks and it was back to being the same again. One day, in his drunkened state he confesses the reason behind their early marriage. It was her mother's dying wish to be able to see them get married. She felt like throwing up when she heard about it. Her mother had kept her illness hidden from her, not only that, she had lied to her about her fast approaching death. All this time, she had thought her mother death was unexpected not something she clearly knew it was coming. She could've spent more time with her, travel many places with her and enjoyed plenty of delicious meals with her. But now it was already late, her mother was dead and she was robbed of all these chances. He could have told her but he didn't and she'll never forgive him for it.
She ignores his calls, because she is a coward and because she can't directly say to his face why she is doing this. Shouto is obviously worried about her, and she hates herself even more for hurting him, for worrying him, for ghosting him. But it was only a matter of time till he comes Knocking on her apartment door to check upon her. That day comes earlier than she had imagined, leaving her unprepared for everything he was going to say.
"Izumi" He sounds like he had run all the way just to see her. He takes heavy breath and trys to calm himself from the adrenaline rush from all the running. "You should really stop ignoring my calls and text. Do you have any idea how worried I was about you after hearing about the divorce. I thought, I thought you had fallen back to drinking like those old times. I thought I was going to lose you forever this time but you replied back to everyone except me. Why? Why are you doing this to me? Izumi, answer me!!"
"It's because I'm a coward okay. It's because everyone was whispering about how you were the reason behind the divorce, how you were the home-Wrecker, how you destroyed a beautiful couple such as Dynamite and Deku. And I thought if I stopped talking with you, if I stopped spending time with you then maybe others will start to see you as innocent. That there was nothing between us like that. I just couldn't let them stain your hard earned reputation like that. Shouto you don't deserve the slanders everyone is throwing at you. You're very important to me and I can't bear to be the reason behind your downfall- " She is pulled into a tight hug mid mumbling. She can feels his hot breath on her cheeks as he sighs a relief.
"If something like this was ever going to happen to me, would you not have been worried about me? Especially since the last time I saw you go through such pain, you had to be admitted to the hospital because of the alcohol poisoning. I don't care what others say, let them believe whatever they want to but I'll never stop caring for my friend especially when that friend is being an idiot." "I..I" and before she can counter him, he cups her cheeks in his hand, one hot and another cold and says, "Izumi, listen to me. People will always have something to say about us but they don't know the truth and I'm fine with that. Really. Don't make decisions based on what others might say or think. Do what you truly want to do, okay." And he drops his hands off her cheeks.
Do what you truly want to do, he had said. She wants him in her life forever. She can't imagine a future without him by her side. She wants to smile, laugh and cry with him as she continues to live her life through this heartache and more over she wants to be there for him when he is going through his own difficult times. "I want you to be my best friend for my whole life. I want to share every milestone of my life with you. And I want to be there for you as well just like you did for me." She admits it as she crys but this time, the crying doesn't bother her heart instead it lifts some of the burden she had been carrying for a while now.
He smiles at her after hearing her tearful confession. In the future, both will recall this as the moment when they fell in love with each other for the first time. But for now, they will both continue to comfort each other.
She slowly unlearns everything she came to believe during her marriage with Katsuki with the help of her friends but mainly with the help of Shouto. She learns to love herself, be kind to herself, allow herself to learn from mistakes made and treat herself with respect like everyone else. Even if sometimes she falters, there is always Shouto by her side to aid her back to her feet. She feels really lucky and blessed to have him as her best friend. She fails to notice falling deeper and deeper in love with him and she certainly remains oblivious to his feelings towards her as well.
Somethings changed between her and Shouto but she can't pinpoint what exactly has changed between them. She finds herself wanting to be near him, always thinking about him, wondering if he is thinking about her as well, she feels like she is going to combust whenever he just so happen to smile at her direction, she feels blood rush to her cheeks whenever he compliments her.
Ochako just stares back at her in disbelief as she shares what she has been feeling lately regarding Shouto. "Are you being serious right now Izumi chan. You're clearly in love with Shouto kun and from what you've described about him, I can say with garauntee he also likes you back." And now she realises with a soft oh that all this time, she was falling in love with Shouto. Fear tries to creep back inside her heart. "But what if it ends like before. I can't deal with that pain again Ochako. I think it might be even worse since it's Shouto. My heart might just stop beating forever if such things is to repeat now." "Izumi chan, I say this in the nicest way possible, but you're an idiot if you think Shouto kun will ever hurt you like the way Bakugo did. You don't ever have to worry about Shouto kun and you ending up like you and him. So just confess to him already." Ochako says laughing lightly.
At the end, it's Shouto who confesses first. It's short, sweet and simple and delivers the message in a blunt manner just how she had imagined. She just pulls him to a kiss as her answer and she thinks he likes that answer.
In the future, she will walk down the aile once again. This time alone but her heart will remain strong and full of love for the man waiting at the end for her. She will make sure this time, it won't end up like last time. But she doesn't need to worry too much about it because this is Shouto she is marrying, her best friend, her rock, her world.