Chapter Text
It was only after many more kisses and whispered sentiments of love that Nick allowed Charlie out of his arms to search for Imogen and hopefully a dose of morphine.
It was a testament to the amount of pain that Nick was in that he allowed Charlie to leave his side. If it was anything less than excruciating he’d have gritted his teeth and gotten through it if only it meant he got to keep holding onto his love.
Imogen had at first been startled to see Charlie approaching her, and then her face morphed into something that resembled terror.
“Is he-”
“He’s awake” Charlie quickly supplied, watching as Imogen's shoulders slackened, immediately relieved.
“He’s awake and talking and-”
“In a lot of pain?”
Charlie nodded, confirming Imogen's suspicions.
“I’ve just got to finish up here and then I’ll be right over”
The man who Imogen was currently tending to, batted her away.
“Go see the boy. I told you I’m fine” he muttered gruffly, turning over in bed and pulling up the covers, making it clear that he was done with the conversation.
Charlie hurried back to Nick’s bedside while Imogen went to draw up a dose of morphine to ease Nick’s pain.
“You’re back” Nick whispered, his breathing sounding vaguely laboured as Charlie eased back down on the bed beside him.
“I’m not going anywhere” Charlie pressed his lips against Nick's cheek, not caring that Imogen was rounding the corner in their direction.
“Good. Don’t. I miss you when you’re gone” Nick seemed barely able to keep his eyes open as his face bunched up in pain as his leg twitched again.
“Hello Officer Nelson. My name is Imogen, I’m a nurse here at Bristol Military Hospital. You’ve just had surgery on your left leg. Do you remember what led up to you coming to us?”
Charlie and Nick both exchanged a look, both only now realizing that Nick had woken in a hospital bed in a dark unknown room and hadn’t even bothered to ask what happened to him, the only care he had in the world was that Charlie was breathing and by his side.
“I, um, I don’t know” he admitted, shuffling up slightly in bed so he could better look at Imogen. Nick also seemed to realize the precarious situation that he and Charlie were in, he and Charlie curled into bed together, their hands tangled together.
Charlie could feel Nick start to reluctantly pull his hands away, but Charlie held firm.
“It’s ok” he whispered into Nick’s ear.
“Imogen is ok” he promised, hoping that it was true and that he’d interpreted their earlier conversation correctly.
“I’ve already gotten a chance to get acquainted with your- um, your Charlie” Imogen offered up, smiling softly as her gaze slid between them.
Nick let out a hiss as his leg once again spasmed.
“Oh right!”
Imogen moved forward with a syringe in her hand.
“This will help, but it may make you groggier than you are now”
Nick nodded, extending his arm for Imogen to inject the medication into his IV.
“What happened?” Nick pushed forward, leaning back against the thin set of pillows that sat between his back on the headboard.
“You were injured in action, which you probably already gathered” Imogen winced, looking as if she were nervous that she was messing the entire thing up. Charlie wondered how many times Imogen had had to do this type of thing before, fill someone in on the history of their own life.
“You were stabilized in the field and then evacuated here”
“And here is?”
“Bristol” Charlie supplemented, squeezing Nick’s hand.
“You had a large scrap of shrapnel embedded in your leg and a bullet lodged in your knee. Dr.Farouk removed the shrapnel but had to leave the bullet in place and he cleared out the infection as best he could. We’re keeping you on a course of antibiotics which will hopefully clear the rest of it up but” Imogen trailed off.
Charlie knew what she was about to say, having already heard the worst-case scenario. Nick could lose his leg. Charlie hoped it wasn’t true, for Nick’s sake, didn’t want him to have to deal with any additional pain, but Charlie would take Nick in any form he could get.
Imogen prattled on for a while longer before she left them be to continue to tend to the other patients that lined the room.
Nick winced again as he adjusted his arm around Charlie.
“Are you alright?”
Nick smiled softly, his eyes closed as his head leaned against the pillows.
“I’ve never been better”
………
Sarah was fussing over Nick. She had four years' worth of being a mother hen to make up for.
When Sarah had slipped back into the infirmary hall the next morning, she’d found Nick and Charlie concealed behind their sheet walls, wrapped in one another's arms. She’d broken into the most genuine smile she’d experienced in four years, seeing her son and his great love finally reunited.
In the past, Nick might have batted his mother away after a few minutes of her hovering over him and adjusting his pillows behind his back, but times had changed.
Nick only smiled at his mum as she tucked the blankets around him or held a glass of water up to his lips for him to drink. Maybe it was just that Nick and Sarah had missed each other, or maybe it had something to do with the fact that for the last four years, Nick had had no one to care for him for the past forty-eight or so months of his life.
While they had to be more subtle now that the infirmary was buzzing with nurses, orderlies and other visitors, Nick and Charlie had found some way to be touching ever since they woke up wrapped up in the other's embrace.
Most of the time they could get away with holding hands under the blankets of Nick’s bed, most people walking by took more notice of Nick’s elevated leg sling and they did where his right hand was hidden.
Other times, like when it was a nurse other than Imogen who came in to do Nick’s vitals or administer medication, the touch was more stubble, barely there at all. A pinkie brushed against a leg as Charlie sat at the far end of the bed, an elbow grazing against a foot if Charlie had leaned against the bed to try to catch a few minutes of sleep.
It wasn’t enough, but so much more than they’d had of each other for so long, that it felt overwhelming and all-consuming as if the touch of a finger against a forearm was as intimate as all the times they used to make love.
The doctor had dropped by later in the afternoon to check in on Nick and his progress. Dr.Farouk was a brisk man with thick eyebrows and an intense demeanour, but there was something in his eyes that made Charlie want to trust him.
The doctor examined Nick's incision after the nurses had helped him carefully unwrap the wound, Nick gritting his teeth the entire time to stop from crying out in pain. Charlie had done his best not to wince, after all, it wasn’t his leg that had recently been cut open. There was no bullet lodged in the bone of his knee. But seeing Nick in pain was painful for Charlie as well. He wanted to take Nick’s hand and let the other man squeeze it as hard as he could, pass off some of the pain to Charlie.
“Well, Officer Nelson-”
“It’s Nick. Please call me Nick”
“Nick, your incision looks good, however, we are a long way out from the finish line”
Outlining everything he’d be looking for over the next several days, Dr Farouk also put forward his plans for additional surgery to handle the infection and then broached the possibility of amputation.
“You must understand, each time I open your leg back up, there is a chance for additional infection. I’d be willing to go in once more but if the infection continues past that, if it starts to encroach on the bone, we will need to amputate”
Sarah looked stricken, her hand reaching out to squeeze Nick’s arm again.
“It’s ok mum” Nick placed his hand over the top of his mother's.
“Gah, now you’re the one comforting me” Sarah snuffled, pushing the tears off of her face.
Nick chuckled.
“This is all sounding worst-case scenario here Doc. What’s the best?”
For the first time, the doctor cracked a small smile.
“Best case scenario, the antibiotics do their job and we can transfer you to a facility closer to your home where they can get you back on your feet, and learn how to walk again with the change in your muscle function, and then”
“And then”
“Then, you go home, try to get used to come semblance of normalcy”
“But he won’t be deployed again?”
It was the first time that Charlie had spoken since the doctor had come to speak to them, and now that Dr.Farouk was looking at him, Charlie felt an overwhelming urge to crawl under the bed and hide, but then something softened in the older man's eye”
“There’s no chance of further deployment in your case Officer Nelson, no excuse me, there’s no chance of further deployment Nick. You are medically unfit for service. You’ll receive an honourable discharge, and we all thank you for your service. Sincerely”
The doctor held out his hand and Nick took it.
Charlie watched his love shake hands with his doctor and felt another level of relief that he hadn’t even known was possible.
Nick was home. He wasn’t leaving again, and even if he did, if he was transferred to a hospital hundreds of kilometres away, it wouldn’t be anywhere that Charlie couldn’t follow him.
……..
Nick had had to have another surgery, six days after the first when the infection that they’d been staving off came back with a vengeance.
It had been terrifying to Charlie, seeing Nick pale and delirious from fever, his words jumbled and not making sense.
Charlie had held onto Nick’s hand the whole time they waited for the doctor to arrive and then while he was being prepared for surgery, not caring who saw. Nick was frightened and Charlie was going to be there for him, for as long as he could.
Sarah and Charlie had sat side by side as they waited for Nick to get out of surgery, anxiety plaguing them both.
Dr.Farouk had warned them that if he opened Nick’s leg back up and found that the infection was spreading in the direction of the bone or a major muscle, he’d not attempt to clear it but go directly to amputation.
“ If it’s not advanced that far, I'll risk clearing it out, but if well, it’ll be the difference in him losing a leg or me operating, the infection spreading anyway, and then having to operate again which could result in one of two options. Either we operate again at which point I'll amputate, or-”
“Or?” Charlie held his breath as he waited for the answer.
“I’d like to not get to that point”
And then the doctor walked away leaving Sarah and Charlie in his wake, both of them finishing the sentence in their head with worse and worse conclusions.
Nick was in surgery for nearly five hours, Charlie couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad thing.
Was it taking so long because Dr.Farouk was thoroughly clearing out the infection, or had it been hours because he had made the decision to amputate? Or had something gone wrong? What if they were reaching the point that Dr.Faruok hadn’t wanted to get to?
When Dr.Faruok appeared in front of them another hour later, looking exhausted but wearing a smile Charlie finally took a proper breath.
…………..
Three weeks later, Nick was well settled into his routine at a hospital only ten kilometres from the Nelson farm.
The pain was near constant at first, Nick's expression almost always twisted into some form of wince.
After the fifth day, he’d started refusing the morphine.
“You’re being a stubborn idiot” Charlie declared one evening as he sat by Nick’s side, watching as Nick tried to pretend that he wasn’t in pain.
“I don’t like the way it makes me feel, almost feels I'm half asleep”
“But it keeps the pain away” Charlie protested, but was silenced when Nick took both of his hands and wrapped them around one of Charlie’s.
“I’ve lived too long with only tiny parts of you, just your words on a page that I don’t even get to keep, but now you’re here. I want to keep you in focus”
………
Charlie felt both elated and anxious on the day that Nick came home to the farm. He trusted the Doctors when they said he was well enough to be discharged, but he couldn’t help the dear that crept into his chest and whispered that something could go wrong.
What if the infection came back and Charlie noticed the symptoms too late to do something about it? What if he missed something? What if he lost Nick after only just getting him back?
But seeing Nick climb out of a truck in front of the farmhouse, leaning heavily on his cane, for the first time in what felt like forever, Charlie really felt as if he were home.
……..
As winter slowly melted into spring, Charlie finally started to feel as if he were living his real life again, and not just a dream. Nick was really back, alive, and at least mostly well. The proof was at his side each morning when Charlie woke up, Nick tucked safely in bed beside him.
He hadn’t realized after so many years how different it was sleeping alone. Being able to reach out and run his fingers over Nick's warm skin anytime that Charlie woke up in the night was a feeling that he didn’t think he’d ever get over, or ever get used to.
There was a new normal to create. Nick was mostly housebound, not being able to put much weight on his leg for long periods of time, but he still hobbled out to the garden to see Charlie turning the soil into something beautiful, creating life.
He played cards with his aunt, the two of them cackling over jokes the rest of them found too dorky to entertain. He wound the yarn into balls for his mother while she sat beside him on the sofa, working on her knitting.
He bonded with Darcy over their mutual love of the goats that lived on the property. Tara stopped by several evenings a week and she and Nick quickly struck up a friendship as well.
Charlie and Nick slowly put back the pieces of their life together, falling asleep and waking up next to one another, holding hands under the dinner table, stealing a kiss every chance they got to make up for the thousands that they had missed out on over the years.
Being together came so naturally as if a blink was the only amount of time that had separated them instead of a stretch longer than they’d spent together.
Charlie had been hesitant at first about increasing the intimacy of their relationship, afraid that he’d hurt Nick, that he hadn’t recovered enough from his injuries, but when Nick pulled him close and whispered his love into Charlie’s skin, the pieces had fallen into place.
Nick’s still strong arms held Charlie against his chest as Charlie straddled the other man's lap, the two of them going down shaking and gasping, holding tight to one another the physical form of their love more intense than either had ever experienced before and somehow Charlie felt even closer to Nick than he had before.
Nick and Charlie spent long evenings sitting with one another on the back porch, a blanket spread over both their laps, silently enjoying each other's company. After so many years apart, they had a million things to say to eachother, but there was more in the silence than words could describe.
…..
The nightmares were the hardest part.
While Nick was his usual sunny self during the day, night was when the last few years caught up to him.
Charlie had tried to get Nick to open up to him about his experiences, but Nick flat-out refused and Charlie hadn’t wanted to push.
But when Nick woke up, gasping and shaking and calling out for him, Charlie’s heart broke into a million different pieces that he glued back together each morning so Nick didn’t see the carnage.
All Charlie could do was hold his love close and wait for the storm to pass.
……
December 1945
One year later
Despite the end of the war, rationing was still in place, so while there was more joy in the air, Christmas still wasn’t quite the same as it had been in the past.
The lack of turkey or roast beef didn’t bother Charlie in the slightest. He didn’t need mountains of presents or hoards of decorations. He had Nick, smiling and happy at his side.
The time they spent together had yet to lap the amount of time they spent apart, but each day he spent with Nick was more special to him than the last. Doing the most mundane tasks somehow felt like a tiny spec of magic.
“I’ve got an announcement” Edie proclaimed, tapping her spoon against her glass. Everyone looked up from their meal which was very similar to that that they had been eating for years.
It was just Nick, Charlie and Sarah sharing dinner with Edith that night, Darcy having been invited to spend Christmas at ‘her good friend Tara’s’ house being fawned over by the Jones family who found their particular brand of personality particularly amusing.
“This is mostly for you boys, Sarah and I have already spent ages discussing it” Edie took a breath.
“I never thought this day would come but, I’m leaving”
Charlie spluttered into his wine, Nick looking as stunned as Charlie felt.
“What?”
“I’m leaving the farm. Sarah is returning to London and I’ve decided to go with her”
“What brought this on?”
Edie beamed at the both of them.
“As funny as it sounds, I think you two did”
“Us?”
“I gave up on love for myself a long time ago, after…well after she broke my heart I just didn’t think it was worth it but- I watch the two of you and I think well, maybe there's love out there somewhere for me and I’m fairly sure that I’m not going to find it in this village, hence London”
“But what about this place?” Charlie couldn't help but think that the little furrow that had formed between Nick’s eyebrows at the idea was adorable.
“Well,” Edie exchanged a look with Sarah.
“That’s where the two of you come in. This place, well if you want it, it’s yours”
“Ours?”
“It was going to be yours one day anyway. It’s up to you, you can sell it or continue to work the land but whatever you choose to do, it’s yours”
Nick and Charlie glanced at one another, at a loss for what to say. Although it was nothing like Charlie had imagined his life would turn out, there was something about the farm that held onto his heart and looking over at Nick, he could tell he felt the same.
…….
Two years later
December 1947
“Nick, look at the size of her paws. She’s going to be massive!”
Charlie was sitting on the floor of the farmhouse, Their farmhouse , with a fluffy ball of yellow fur wriggling in his lap.
“Good, the sheep won’t be able to run her off” Nick teased, using his cane to ease himself down in the armchair by the fire.
Nick had come home earlier that day with the golden border collie tucked under his arm. They’d expanded their flock of sheep earlier that year and were in desperate need of a herder.
The pup, whom they’d affectionately named Daisy, had wiggled her way into their hearts in the short hours that she’d been in their home, despite the fact that she’d wee’d on the floor within the first twenty minutes of being there.
“Our family expands again!” Nick had teased when he presented Charlie with the dog. While Charlie had smiled at Nick’s comment his heart gave a pang.
He’d noticed the way that Nick always gravitated towards children whenever they ventured into the village, always kidding around with them when they asked about his cane, smiling fondly at the ever-random statements that came out of their mouths.
Nick would be a great father
The thought passed through Charlie’s mind all the time.
Nick deserved someone who could hold his hand in public
He’d silently think to himself whenever they were in the village and passed a couple on the sidewalk, casually expressing their affection for one another with grasped hands, so unaware that that tiny act caused such a strike of envy to flush through Charlie’s heart.
As far as the village was aware, Charlie was still just a farm hand, tending to the Nelson’s land.
People accepted him coming into town with Nick, after all, Nick needed someone to carry his supplies.
Nick, who despite not having originated from the area, came back to be a hometown hero.
It wasn’t hard to see why the village rallied around him. A gorgeous young man who had been injured fighting for them all, who also happened to be very polite, and did they mention a landowner?
Every mother for leagues around with a daughter of marriageable age dropped hints, invited Nick around for tea, dropped over baked goods, anything they could to get his attention.
A parade of lovely young ladies, all of whom could give Nick so many things that Charlie could never.
Nick deserved more .
………..
April 1947
Four months later
Charlie’s vision was teary as he methodically folded his sweaters into neat piles, trying to fold them down into small enough squares to fit into his carrying case. His heart started to sting when he realized that he needn't bother. More than half of the jumpers he had folded belonged to Nick. Charlie couldn’t keep them. He’d already stolen too much of Nick’s time, too much of his life. He couldn’t steal his jumpers as well.
Charlie ran his finger over the frayed edge of his favourite one, the very jumper he’d worn night after lonely night when Nick had been gone. Well, maybe Charlie could keep just the one.
Daisy was asleep at the foot of the bed, her soft snores the only sound in the room. Charlie couldn’t do each of her snuffles instead of trying to count his own breaths which were so uneven and shallow.
He didn’t want to do this. It might actually kill him to do this. But he had to. He owed it to Nick. He owed Nick a life.
The familiar sound of Nick’s cane on the creaky staircase caused Charlie’s heart to pause in his chest.
Shit.
He’d thought that Nick would be out with David for longer. He’d thought that he’d have more time to get his things together. To get his mind in order before he had to have this conversation. Before he had the conversation that would break his heart.
“Char?”
Nick was standing in the doorway, the usual easy sunny look on his face slightly marred by the confusion.
“What are you going?”
Charlie swallowed the lump in his throat, hoping that his voice wouldn’t shake when he tried to use it.
“I’m packing”
“Where are you going? Is everything OK? Is it your sister?”
Nick came to his side, placing a hand on Charlie’s forearm.
Charlie’s heart was screaming in his chest, begging him not to do this, but his brain was shouting louder, yelling at him not to be selfish for once in his life. Charlie’s shoulders slumped as he folded forward, wrapping his arm around his chest.
“Charlie? Charlie, love, what’s wrong?” Nick’s hand was on Charlie’s back, rubbing slow comforting circles against his shirt.
“Please don’t” Charlie got out in ragged sobs.
“Char-”
“Please. You’re only making it harder” he begged, trying to get a hold of himself.
“Charlie, you’re not making any sense, just tell me what’s happening, I can help, we can fix it”
Charlie dug his knuckles into the skin around his eyes, trying to clear his vision that had been blurred by his tears.
“Rebecca Allen”
“What?”
“She’s kind. I mean she’s very pretty but more than that she…well she seems like a good person. She'd be a good mother”
“Charlie, what are you on about”
Nick went to take Charlie’s hand but the other man took a step back, clutching his arms to his chest.
“Or maybe Allison Wheaton. Her mother is a little overbearing but she means well, and Alison loves dogs. She always stops to pet Daisy when I walk her in town. I think she’d like the farm, all the animals”
“Charlie” Nick tried to reach for him again but Charlie took another step, his back bumping on the corner of the wardrobe painfully.
“Or Esther Dra-”
“Charlie, what are you on about?”
“I just want you to be happy Nick” Charlie continued, brushing away the tears that were refusing to stop falling.
“I am happy, you know I’m happy”
“Then I want you to be happier” Charlie shot back, stuffing his things into his case, his shaking hands making it difficult to handle the latches.
“Charlie would you just stop for a second!” Nick's voice was raised now, fear creeping in around the edges.
Charlie was trying to force the case closed but the buckles kept popping back open in protest.
Nick placed his hands on Charlie’s shoulders, pulling him around so he could look him in the eye.
“Charlie, you’re not making any sense”
“We don’t make sense Nick. Or I don’t make sense for you. You, you can have more than this Nick”
“What are you talking about, you’re the thing in my life that makes the most sense! You’re the only part of me that I’ve ever been sure of!”
Nick was shouting now, the fear winning the battle.
“You say that now! You think I make sense now, but what happens in five or ten or twenty years when you realize that I’m not enough? That you missed out on things that someone else could have given you?”
“There’s nothing that I want that you can’t give me! You’re the only thing I’m ever going to want? You! I don’t get how you don’t understand that!”
“Nick, please” Charlie’s heart was breaking right along with his voice.
“Please, don’t make this harder”
“So what? This is it? You were just going to leave? Like we were nothing? Like I’m nothing?”
“You’re not nothing Nick! You’re everything. You know that!”
“Well, it certainly doesn’t feel like it right now! When you’re packing your things to leave!”
“No! Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand that I’m doing this because I love you? I want you to have everything, Nick! Everything! And that’s not me!”
“But that’s you, you are everything to me, Charlie. You always have been!”
The tears were falling from both their eyes now, falling with abandon down their cheeks.
“Think about it, Nick! You can have it all! You can find a girl and have a life together where you can hold hands in public and have kids and live a real life. Not this half-existence!”
“Charlie” Nick was holding onto Charlie’s chin now, trying to force the other man to look at him, to see what was happening behind his eyes.
“The only kind of life I want is one with you in it”
“ Nick”
“I’m not walking away from you Charlie”
“ Nick”
“How can I make you understand? I’m never going to change my mind about you, about us?”
Charlie sunk to his knees, Nick holding onto him and lowering them both down to the floor. Nick wrapped his arms around Charlie whose chest was heaving with great violent sobs.
“ Please, Nick. Please. I need you to tell me to leave. I need you to walk away from me, because I don’t think I can walk away from you”
“I’m never going to do that Charlie. I’m never going to tell you to leave. I’m never going to leave you. If you want to go, you’ve got to walk out that door all on your own, but it won’t be without me right behind you begging you to stay”
Charlie took deep shaking breaths, trying to pull himself together.
He hadn’t thought it would go like this. He’d somehow convinced himself that Nick had been thinking the same things. That Nick had been focusing on all the things that Charlie couldn’t give him.
They stayed there on the floor for a long time, just holding onto one another, both trying to steady their heartbeats that had been threatening to pound out of their chests since the moment Nick walked into the room.
“Do you still have my letters?” Nick whispered into Charlie’s curls, his hands brushing softly up and down the sides of Charlie’s arms.
Charlie nodded into Nick's chest. Of course, Charlie still had Nick's letters. They were tucked away in the same box that Charlie had kept them in for all those years.
“Can I see them?”
Eventually, Charlie pulled away from Nick and retrieved the box from the bottom of the wardrobe.
He handed them to Nick who immediately began to rifle through them.
“Did you never open these?”
Nick had the five sealed supplemental letters that he’d sent Charlie during his first year at war.
Charlie smiled sadly to himself, shaking his head but keeping his eyes fixed on the ground.
“I couldn’t. I was too afraid that-”
“Afraid that what?”
“That the letters would stop coming. That I’d run out of words from you. If you…if you died there would never be another letter to I just, never opened them, just in case”
“Oh, Char” Nick ran his thumb across his lover's cheek, catching a tear as it fell.
Nick slowly pulled up the flap on the third envelope, pulling out the small scrap of paper and handing it to Charlie.
“Just, read this”
Dear Char,
I never noticed before how much people use the expression, ‘scared for my life’. Obviously, it’s common here, given the circumstances, but it got me thinking. I spend a lot of my time here scared for my life, but not in the way that one would think. I’m scared for the life that I want, the life I left behind. That’s you. In every way that matters, you are my life. When I think about the future I want I think of you. When I think about the life I want to live, I think about a life spent with you.
That’s what I’m scared of. I’m scared for my life. Our life. But then I think about the life I’ve already had, that life with you. If I get nothing more from this life I can still count myself lucky. In this life of mine, my life with you, I’ve known true love, I’ve known you. It’s so much more than so many people get. It would be enough, to have known you, to have loved you. It would be enough, but it’s not all that I want. I want so many more lives with you. I’ll get so many more lives with you.
The two of us and a life we won’t have to be scared for.
I love you my life.
Forever,
Nick.
“You are so much more than enough Charlie. So much more. I don’t want a life that doesn’t have you in it. I’ve lived life without you and I barely survived it. I don’t want to do that again”
“I’m sorry” Charlie slumped against Nick’s chest again, burrowing his face into the fabric of Nick’s jumper and taking first fulls of the fabric, afraid that if he didn’t hold on tight Nick would slip through his fingers.
“Hey. No s word” Charlie felt Nick press a kiss into the top of his head and savoured the feeling. The love. The love of his life.
His love. His life.
……..
June 1947
Two months later
The ring on the third finger of his right hand was a comfort. Charlie liked the feeling of it on his finger, the metal against his skin. He liked to twirl it when he was worried. A single band of gold, on the wrong hand, but close enough to the real thing. They’d have worn them on the traditional left, but it may have raised questions that couldn’t have been easily explained away.
It had been Nick’s idea, coming home one day with two strips of gold curled into circles.
“There won’t be a license or a certificate, or a church or anything like that. It won’t be official, but it’ll be real, real in the only way that matters”
So they’d gone and stood just the two of them, in the little clearing beside the creek that ran through the property, spring flowers blooming at their feet.
They’d held hands and whispered their vows to one another, sending them up to the sky, to the universe that had brought them together. They slide rings on each other's fingers and promised forever.
It didn’t matter that there would be no record in a courthouse or church somewhere. Their marriage transcended that, becoming something that couldn’t be confined to a slip of paper.
After that night in April, the one they didn’t speak about, Charlie had worried that he’d broken something between himself and Nick, that he’d betrayed Nick’s trust by questioning their forever. He should have known better.
It was a night they didn’t speak about because there was nothing to say. They were in love, and no amount of self-doubt would ever change that.
………………..
It was another twenty years before their love became ‘legal’, although with stipulations. Charlie hadn’t paid much attention.
For twenty years he’d been living a quiet life, a beautiful life, a life with the man he loved. At forty-four years old, Charlie cared slightly less about what people thought of him, and now that he couldn’t be jailed for making love to his husband well…
The farm had become a haven of sorts. After disappearing to Sweden for several years, Darcy had returned to them, with her partner Tara in tow. A small cottage had been constructed on the edge of the property, one in which Tara and Darcy had been living for the last fourteen years.
For a small stretch of time a lovely couple named Elle and Tao had lived in the loft space above the barn, hiding out from trouble they’d come into contact with in the city, their relationship even less understood than Charlie and Nick’s was.
So they lived their lives in quiet solace, Charlie tending to the land he loved and Nick eventually becoming a qualified schoolteacher.
After Stephane's death in 1959, Nick had come into a healthy sum of money, as well as a flat in Paris and a country home in Bordeaux. David, who had met and fallen in love with an American in 1951, had followed her to New York and had no interest in the real estate in France, leaving it entirely to Nick.
“Should we think…think about leaving?”
“Leaving?”
“England, the French have always been a little more…accepting. We wouldn't have to hide so much” Nick put forward, his hand running through Charlie’s hair as they lay together in front of the fire in the hearth in their little country home.
They were fairly lucky, mostly left to their own devices, but there were whispers, and there were funny looks on the street. Charlie had been shoved by people he didn’t recognize, people who knew nothing about him or his love. There had even been threats once, and yet they’d always stayed.
“But this place, this farm, it’s ours. How do we just leave?” Charlie whispered.
“I don’t know. Maybe we don’t? This is home”
“So we don’t let anyone run us out of our home”
So they lived their lives at home. Stephane's money eased the pressure for the farm to produce, allowing the land to become more and more hobby-based. They had dogs and chickens, sheep, cows and pigs. Their barn cat had seven kittens, which they named after planets in the solar system. Jupiter and Neptune had ended up moving inside the house while the others wandered the farm, catching mice harassing the chickens and just generally enjoying life.
Their hoard grew to include more goats and a donkey, and while they had no human children, they were never short of beings to love.
And then came the Nieces and Nephews from David and Olly, eight little humans for Nick and Charlie to love and spoil.
…..
Nick turned eight five the year that the marriage that he and Charlie had enjoyed for thirty-eight years was at least somewhat recognized by the British government, allowing them to enter into a civil union.
For the first time in their thirty-eight years of marriage, Nick and Charlie finally slipped their rings onto their left hands.
“It looks much better there” Nick teased, his hand shaking slightly as he raised his husband's knuckles to his lips and pressed a kiss there.
Nick was ninety-four on the day that Charlie became his husband by law. The clerk working in the courthouse that day had beamed at them, two men well into their nineties lining up to be married.
They’d met, known, and loved each other for seventy-eight years. Seventy-eight years of love. One life spent together that included countless kisses, thousands of times making love, twenty-three dogs, and more farm animals than was reasonable.
Charlie Spring was ninety-two years old when his first novel was published, a book he’d been writing for seventy-three years without even realizing it. A book of their life, a book of their love.
Other books that dominated the best sellers list in 2014 included Fifty Shades of Grey, Gone Girl, and Big Little Lies.
And Timeless By Charles F. Nelson-Spring
A queer love story about two boys separated during World War II, fighting to find their way back to each other and then build a life in a world that wasn’t ready to accept them.
An interviewer had asked Charlie how much of the story was inspired by his own life, to which Charlie only smiled and shook his head.
There was plenty in that book that was him and Nick but there was even more that he had kept tucked into his heart, something for only him and Nick to see.
A love all their own.