Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Taehyung considers himself to be someone who is rather good at dealing with breakups. He has his moment, but most of the time he's more than capable of getting his own emotions under control, and that definitely plays a part in split-ups. The end of his relationship with Seungjin was proof of that—he was sad because they were together for so long and Taehyung wasn't expecting for things to come to an end so abruptly, but he got over it. He pulled through it.

This thing with Jeongguk, however, was not really an official relationship. They never agreed to be in one, and they never agreed to be boyfriends. Taehyung said they kind of were the other night, and Jeongguk agreed, but kind of is not really good enough, and they weren't a couple. So this, per se, isn't really a breakup.

Maybe that's why Taehyung is a wreck this time around.

Taehyung has had his fair share of relationships in his life, and of course, all of them eventually came to an end. Some were extremely sour, some were amicable, some were painful. But at the end of the day, Taehyung always managed to get his shit together and get over it. What makes the thing between him and Jeongguk different from all of those relationships he had before?

The answer is obvious to Taehyung. Something that clearly sets Jeongguk apart from all the people that Taehyung has been with before, or from all the people that Taehyung has liked, is that Taehyung is in love now. And he was never in love before. So, even if Taehyung has been through his fair share of breakups before, he wouldn’t say that he’s ever gotten his heart broken—not until now. And man, it fucking sucks. To make it worse, he doesn’t even know if it is a breakup, or if things are simply put on hold right now.

Of course, just because he's struggling doesn't mean that he spends all of his time crying and sobbing over Jeongguk. Taehyung goes to work the next day, he gets on with his life like he’s been doing for the last couple of days, but there’s a perpetual dull ache in his chest. It’s been present ever since the horrific Monday where his dad didn't show up, but after yesterday it got worse and worse.

So, even if Taehyung does manage to get through his day like he usually would, he’s nothing but grateful by the time he gets home so he can sulk and sigh as much as he wants. It's odd that he's anticipating the time to get home, considering now that Jeongguk is gone his loft has been feeling too empty, too boring. It doesn't feel home-y anymore, Jeongguk’s presence being what made it feel that way. His car keys aren't lying on the kitchen countertop anymore (Taehyung would always scold him for that, saying they'd be ruined if anything was spilled on them) and he's not there waiting for Taehyung and Yeontan when he gets back.

Everything seems too quiet these days, Taehyung thinks as he walks into the apartment, closing the door behind himself. And that's when the first sigh comes—it's obnoxiously loud and dramatic, filling the otherwise quiet apartment as he gets rid of his shoes and walks into the apartment. He removes Yeontan's leash and collar, the puppy hopping away from Taehyung like he's searching for something. Like he's searching for someone.

Without bothering to take his coat off, Taehyung lets himself flop back on his couch. He closes his eyes, swallowing thickly and trying to think if there’s something he has to do before leaving on Saturday. He’s already spoken to his mom, who he called during his break today, and with Jimin, who promised to take care of Yeontan and the company during his absence. He's pretty sure his mom will tell the rest of his family, which means he’ll soon be getting a call from Miyoung asking more about his trip. He should probably phone Seokjin sometime soon and tell him about it. And... Well, considering he and Jeongguk are still not talking, that's about it.

That fact alone is enough to make the knot in Taehyung's stomach twist almost painfully, eyes squeezing shut. He wonders when it will stop hurting to think about Jeongguk, and if they’ll manage to have a conversation before that happens.

The gentle sound of Yeontan's paws on the floor distracts Taehyung from his thoughts, but he doesn't open his eyes. Not until he hears the dog whine, crying for attention.

Upon opening his eyes, Taehyung sees Yeontan sitting on the floor right next to his feet. However, it's not him that catches Taehyung's attention, making him freeze for a moment—it's the baby blue sweater that Yeontan has in his mouth, and that he presumably dragged all the way from the bedroom area. He hasn't seen the sweater for a couple of days, so it must have been under the bed for Yeontan to be able to get it and drag it all the way here.

Taehyung's first instinct is to reach down for the piece of clothing and take it away from Tannie. He's about to stand up and make his way to the laundry basket, shoving the sweater in there, but for some reason he stays unmoving on the couch, sweater still in his hands.

Ever since they first brought him here, Yeontan has been with both Taehyung and Jeongguk. The sweater still smells like Jeongguk (Taehyung makes him wear it for hours after every wash, after all), and Yeontan probably misses him. It's been a few days since Jeongguk last was here, so it would make sense for Yeontan to pick up in his absence.

“I miss him, too,” Taehyung confesses then, his grip around the fabric tightening. His eyes start stinging then, both because of the words and because he's been suppressing this all day. It feels good to unbottle, to let go. “I really miss him.”

Taehyung lies back against the backrest of the couch. He curls into a ball, holding the sweater against his chest and pulling his legs closer against his stomach. Yeontan, who still can't jump on the couch, sits by his feet and whines, demanding for Taehyung to lift him up.

And Taehyung does, of course—he moves a little and lifts Tannie up, the dog immediately moving to Taehyung and climbing up his arm and shoulder, trying to lick Taehyung's cheeks.

Taehyung dodges Yeontan's mouth, but he moves so he can peck the crown of his head. That seems to appease the puppy, who happily curls into a ball against Taehyung's chest and Jeongguk's sweater.

And then comes the second sight. This one isn't as dramatic, as loud, but Taehyung feels like it's sadder.

He's sadder.

It looks like it's just going to be the two of them for the next while.

⨳

If there is someone that has stood out as one of Taehyung's closest, most loyal friends through all of his life, it would be Seokjin. Even when Taehyung left Seoul and started a new life the two of them managed to remain friends, and it was mostly thanks to Seokjin and his efforts to keep their friendship alive. He's one of Taehyung's best friends, especially now that they get to see each other often again, and so when Taehyung asks him to drop by on Thursday morning before they have to go into work, he knows Seokjin will agree. No questions asked.

That's how the two of them find themselves in Taehyung's kitchen that morning, with Yeontan—fruitlessly—whining at them, asking for some of the food they're both having for breakfast. Only the two of them, three if you include Yeontan, are there, but it's easy to tell Seokjin keeps looking around waiting for something to happen. For someone to come in. And Taehyung, who remembers the last time that Seokjin dropped by at this hour, knows exactly who his friend is looking for.

“He's not here,” Taehyung says with a sigh. Seokjin gives him a pointed look. “Jeongguk. He's not here.”

He knows the two of them have argued, of course—after all, he was there the other day, right before Taehyung dropped by his parents and everything got even worse than it already was. Taehyung hasn't had the chance to tell him about what happened that night, as they hadn't talked until Taehyung asked him to meet up last night, but maybe he already knows through Jeongguk. They're friends as well, after all.

“Still haven't talked to him?” Seokjin inquires, taking a sip off his coffee.

Taehyung clicks his tongue. Maybe Jeongguk hasn't talked to him either, then.

“I did talk to him. It was awful,” Taehyung replies, not explaining too much. Seokjin frowns a little, confused. “He was at my parents' house the other day when I came by. I was kinda upset to see him there. We argued again, and now we're even worse than before. And I didn't even get to talk to my dad in the end.”

Taehyung leaves out the part where his father heard him rant about his feelings, mostly because he doesn't want to relive the embarrassment he felt in that moment. He's already gone over the entire incident in his mind around a hundred times, so he really doesn't need to review it again. Much less for other people to hear; the fact that it happened alone is enough.

“Oh, Tae,” Seokjin replies, his expression softening. “I know it's hard with how upsetting this is for you, but at some point, you're gonna have to sit down and have a proper talk. One with your dad, and one with Jeongguk. Things have been going so well for you lately, so it'd be such a shame that they get ruined because you guys can't communicate.”

Taehyung groans at that, burying his face in his palms. He knows Seokjin is right—no one can assure him that those conversations would have a good ending, but the least he could do is try. There is so much to be said, and now that his dad has already heard him rant to Jeongguk he doesn't really have much to say. Still, even if he knows it's the best option and the only possible solution, it scares Taehyung. Because talking to his dad would be facing his biggest fear and insecurity, confronting it head-on. What if it goes wrong?

And about Jeongguk, well... Taehyung isn't sure how that will go, either. He doesn't think that can be fixed until he sorts things out with his dad first, mostly because the bad blood between the two of them seems to be affecting his relationship with Jeongguk. He doesn't want the first time he's ever been in love to be ruined by this, out of all things.

“I will,” Taehyung gives in, in the end. And he's not just saying it—he promises he will. He just doesn't know when. “When I come back, I promise.”

“Come back?” Seokjin asks, surprise tinting his voice. “Come back from where?”

And yeah, there it is—the reason why he invited Seokjin over. As much as he loves a catch-up, he told Seokjin he wanted to talk because he wanted to tell him about his trip. The only reason why he told him to come over instead of telling him over the phone is because, after talking to his mom, he knows what people's assumptions are when he says he's leaving: that it's going to be permanent. That it will be just like it was when he left for Europe so many years ago.

That very same assumption is exactly what's written on Seokjin's face right now, as he looks at Taehyung with a mixture of shock and... hurt, even. Taehyung bites down on his bottom lip, realizing how similar this reaction was to his mom's. The two of them have seen him leave before, and so they don't want it to happen again. Taehyung gets it, even if the situation isn't the same right now.

“From Europe,” Taehyung explains. “From Paris.”

Seokjin is quiet for a moment, almost as if he were looking for the right words to say. He probably is looking for a way to be honest without being hurtful, so a way to tell Taehyung that this is a shit idea without outwardly saying it's a shit idea. After so many years of friendship, Taehyung can tell what's going on in Seokjin's head.

“Don't you think that qualifies as running away?” Seokjin asks in the end.

Those words hit close to home, even if Seokjin's tone is calm and Taehyung knows they're well-intended. Taehyung has to look away from Seokjin's eyes for a moment, gaze flickering down to the marble of the counter as he shrugs his shoulders.

“It's different now,” he explains, forcing himself to look up. Liars avoid eye-contact, and he's not a liar. He's not lying when he says that this time around he's not running away. He's here for good. “I'll come back after a week. I have the company, I have all of you guys, I... I have Jeongguk, even if we need to work on stuff.”

“So, are you, like, taking a holiday?” Seokjin insists. Taehyung nods. That's exactly what he's been telling himself, how he's been justifying the week-long trip to Paris that he has booked. He's going to be taking a little holiday. Taehyung's confirmation seems to work at reassuring Seokjin, as he smiles and adds in a teasing tone, “Couldn't wait until the summer, could you?”

“What can I say? I was getting impatient,” Taehyung replies, joking as well. “Everyone will be having theirs during August, so I figured I might as well take mine either before that or afterward. And before it is.”

“I guess you could use some time off. Do some thinking and sort your feelings out about... well, everything,” Seokjin says. Taehyung hums in agreement; that was what he thought, as well. Paris, out of all the places he's ever been to, is the one where he's felt most... him. Getting some time for himself in a city that makes him happy might help him put his thoughts in order. And then, once he's ready to be rational, he will just deal with all of the mess. It isnʼt the best plan of action heʼs ever had, but he hopes it offers clarity and perspective for him so that he can give Jeongguk the apology and answers he deserves. “Just... come back, okay? Your home's here.”

“I know it is,” Taehyung says, the words heavy in his mouth. He doesn't regret going to Europe when he did, he can't say otherwise, but he regrets the terms in which he did. He wishes he had done it differently. He could have still grown as a person but without having to hurt everyone else. “I won't run away again. I promise.”

Seokjin nods then, giving Taehyung an honest smile. Just like Taehyung knows him, Seokjin has known Taehyung for so many years. And he knows that Taehyung, despite having his flaws, is a man of his word. If he promises he'll be back soon, then he will be.

⨳

Just like every other day, that noon Taehyung leaves the office and heads to the doggy daycare center Yeontan is at to spend his lunch break with him. He has been going almost every day, except for those rare occasions where he either was too busy or had someone visiting, so by now it has become a routine. Taehyung is on his way there, almost at the building, when he feels his phone start to vibrate in the pocket of his slacks. Smoothly, Taehyung fishes inside the pocket for his phone and checks the caller's ID, frowning a little when he reads the name on his screen. Jimin?

“Hey there, Minnie,” Taehyung says as he answers his phone, not bothering with the formalities. He's not at the office now, anyway. “Is everything good?”

Not that Taehyung thinks that the world would crumble without him, of course. But he was just there a few minutes ago and he'll be back as soon as his break is over, so if Jimin is calling, it must be urgent. Otherwise, he could just have waited until Taehyung came back.

“Uh? Yeah, everything is good,” Jimin replies, sounding almost as if the question has caught him off guard. “Someone's here to see you, though.”

“To see me?” Taehyung asks, surprised. He highly doubts it's a client, as he's never had someone drop by unannounced like this before. He hopes it's not one, though, because if someone thought of themselves important enough to drop by without an appointment like that, Taehyung would unavoidably think they're a dickhead. And thinking someone is a dickhead is not the best way to start a business partnership.

“Yes, to see you,” Jimin replies. He stays quiet for a second, almost like he's considering whether he wants to add something else or not. In the end, he ends up saying, “It's your dad.”

Upon hearing that, Taehyung freezes. He stops in his tracks in the middle of the sidewalk, causing a couple of people to stumble into him, as Gangnam is terribly busy at this hour. A short woman gives him an especially dirty look, shaking her head in disapproval as she walks past him.

“I'm sorry! I'm sorry,” Taehyung says with an inclination of his head, both to her and to the rest of the people surrounding him. Jimin makes an inquiring noise, all at the same time Taehyung spins around on his heels and starts making his way back to the office. He was already walking at a brisk pace, but now he's straight up rushing there. “Is he still there?”

“He's waiting here, yeah,” Jimin tells him. “Do you want me to tell him to wait for you?”

“Please,” Taehyung says, suddenly feeling like everyone is walking in the opposite direction to him. Was it so hard to walk minutes ago, or is this just happening now that he's in a hurry? “Did he say why he's here?”

“He just said he wanted to talk to you,” Jimin says. He says something right after, but his voice comes out muffled, so Taehyung assumes he was addressing his father. One moment later, he says, “He'll wait until you're back.”

“Okay. Thank you, Jimin,” Taehyung says, feeling his chest tighten. His dad is there to talk to him.

“Anytime,” Jimin says. Taehyung is about to take his phone away from his ear and hang up, not bothering with goodbyes when he's about to see Jimin in a couple of minutes, but then Jimin adds, “And good luck.”

“Thank you,” Taehyung mumbles, a little breathless.

It only takes Taehyung a couple minutes to get to his office after that, but in that time he still has time to think about what it might be that his dad has to tell him. Part of him wants to think that his dad is here to make peace; to apologize, to see the office, and to fix things. The other part, the overthinker in Taehyung that can't help but have the most pessimistic outlook possible, wonders if what's going to happen is the opposite. If his dad wants to cut ties with him, or for him to cut ties with everyone in the family. The possibility is cruel, and to be fair also very unlikely, but it's still one.

None of that is enough to prepare Taehyung for the image of his dad sitting at his desk, a sight that welcomes him as soon as he walks into the office. It almost gives him whiplash—it's something he anticipated and wanted for so long, but that he eventually crossed off as impossible. But now, his dad is here. He's sitting there. Before he starts walking, Taehyung steals a brief look over at Jimin's own office and sees his friend give him a thumbs-up. Taehyung gives him a tight-lipped smile in response.

And with that, he starts making his way over to his office. His dad doesn't seem to notice he's there until he's walking in, closing the glass door behind himself. Only then does his dad raise his eyes from his lap, where his hands were resting. Much to Taehyung's surprise, he wasn't fumbling on his phone or anything.

“Hello, dad,” Taehyung says once he's inside. His dad quickly stands up then, almost tripping over his own feet. A little bit clumsy, very out of character for him; it almost makes Taehyung smile.

“Good afternoon, son,” he replies. Before Taehyung has the chance to invite him to sit down again, his father adds, “You got yourself a lovely place, didn't you?”

Taehyung bites his tongue in order to stop himself from pointing out that, if he wanted, he could have seen it for himself way sooner. After all, maybe his dad is here to make peace once and for all. He's not going to be the one sabotaging that.

“Thank you so much, dad,” Taehyung replies, now allowing himself to grin a little. It's a compliment and he'll take it. “Do you want me to give you a tour?”

“I'd love one. But in a minute, yeah? I'm here for something else,” his father points out. For some reason, Taehyung feels himself deflate a little. So he's not here to come see the offices and make up for Monday, then? “I've told everyone I won't be coming in after lunch, so you can give me a tour afterward if you can fit me in. If not, we can reschedule for tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Taehyung says, jaws falling slack as he listens to his dad's words. He doesn't know what's more surprising—that his father is here to see the offices without Taehyung having to insist, or that he's decided to take some time off work to do this. “That—that works well with me, yeah. We can do that.”

“Fantastic, then,” his father says, sitting down again. At the other side of the desk, Taehyung mimics him. “But, like I've said, that's not the main reason why I'm here.”

“What is it, then?” Taehyung inquires, feeling equally curious and nervous.

“I wanted to talk about what happened the other night,” his father says. He doesn't need to specify what night—Taehyung knows. He feels his cheeks heat up at that, embarrassed that it happened and that his father heard everything.

“What about the other night?” Taehyung asks, forcing himself to appear calm. He places his hand over the desk, meeting his father's eyes and straightening his spine.

“I heard some of the things you said to Jeongguk while the two of you were talking in the hall,” his dad commences. Taehyung nods, inviting him to go on. “Some of the things I heard were surprising to me. Your mom has often talked to me about how I shouldn't be as cold, and how I should be more appreciative, so it shouldnʼt come as a surprise, but I suppose it still does in some ways. I guess that up until that night, I don't think I really understood the full extent of it. I wasn't aware it made you feel like I'm not proud of you, or like I don't value you.”

Taehyung should have expected this from his dad. He's never been one to beat around the bush, always the first to confront things. Taehyung is blunt and outspoken, and those are traits that he got from his parents. He shouldn't have been shocked by how straight-up his dad is about this, yet he is. For a moment, Taehyung is left speechless and not knowing too well what to reply.

“It's hard not to feel this way, you know,” is what he says, in the end. “You hadn't even been here before today.”

“I know. And I know it wasn't right of me—of course it wasn't right of me, Taehyung,” his father says. Taehyung's chest tightens because those are words he never thought he'd hear his dad say in regards to this. “I realize I haven't been making things easy for you these last few years. I haven't been the best father to you.”

There is something about the tone that his dad uses that makes Taehyung crumble a little. Not that he disagrees—he doesn't. He doesn't agree fully, either. His dad... Well, they've always had a complicated relationship. But Taehyung would never say that he's a bad father, just one that needs to work better on showing some appreciation for his son.

“That's not true, dad,” he tries to say, but his dad shakes his head.

“If I've made you feel unloved, then that's because I haven't been doing things right,” his father says. He sounds categorical, not leaving any room for Taehyung to argue. For that reason, Taehyung stays quiet and lets him go on. “I want to apologize for these last few years, Taehyung. I felt disappointed when the university acceptance results came out and you didn't get in, but I wasn't disappointed in you. It was always my dream to have you take over the company; ever since you were born, I always imagine you as the heir to it all. It was my pride, and I always told everyone you would one day become my successor. But I wasn't disappointed in you. I know I have done a terrible, terrible job at showing so, but there hasn't been a day or a time where I've felt disappointed in you. You're my son, and you make me incredibly proud every day. Even if you have your own path, and that path is different from the one I always dreamed for you.”

Taehyung clasps his hands together then, feeling like they would probably shake if they weren't holding on to each other. This, all of this, is everything he has ever wanted his dad to say to him. It's what his mom always told him over the phone whenever he called, sad and angry at himself and unmotivated. He never believed her because he thought she was just saying it to cheer him up. Hearing it from his dad himself, however, feels... Well, it makes it feel real.

“I know this situation has been hurting you. It's been hurting me, too, even if I admit I haven't done anything to fix it or make it better,” his father says. “That's why I want to apologize. For not coming on Monday, for not coming sooner, and for all of these years of making you feel like you werenʼt good enough. I think it's about time I tell you that I'm incredibly proud that you're my son, and that I love you very, very much.”

“I—I don’t know what to say,” Taehyung starts, at a loss for words. He has imagined scenarios similar to this in his mind a million times before, so one would expect him to know how to react. Now, however, all he can bring himself to do is look at his dad with surprise painted all over his face. “Thank you so much for saying what Iʼve been dying to hear.”

“There is nothing to thank me for. I should have said it sooner. But I will do better by you in the years to come,” his dad says, with an inclination of his head. Taehyung has to stop himself from reaching down to his thigh and pinching his leg, because this honestly feels… surreal. More like a dream than real life. “Don’t say anything, son. I would love the tour now.”

Taehyung can’t help but laugh at that, shaking his head as a wide, genuine smile takes over his head. “Tour. Right. Tour now, let’s go then,” Taehyung says, still grinning. Now that he’s past his initial shock, he’s starting to feel… elated. It almost feels like he’s high on happiness right now, as stupid as it sounds. He makes eye contact with his father, nods his head towards the door and asks, “Let’s go?”

“One more thing,” his father says, face lighting up as if he had suddenly remembered something. Taehyung arches his eyebrows, inquisitive. “I don’t want you to fight with the people you love because of me.”

Taehyung’s lips part, as he wasn’t expecting his dad to bring up Jeongguk—much less this directly. It takes Taehyung off-guard, so he remains quiet for a couple of seconds while biting down on his bottom lip. He can’t even say it wasn’t because of him, because it was; Taehyung was jealous of Jeongguk and the good relationship that Jeongguk has with his dad, and also upset that Jeongguk decided to stand up for his dad instead of for him. It all comes down to his dad in the end.

“We’re working on it,” Taehyung lies. He knows that Jeongguk and his dad are close, but hopefully not close enough for Jeongguk to tell him his boy-trouble.

“I heard the other day that you don’t think he’s fought your corner,” his dad says, not sounding too convinced. “I don’t know what the two of you spoke about, but what I do know is that heʼs been giving me absolute hell for this. Both him and your mom.”

“Did they tell you to come here?” Taehyung asks, one eyebrow arched. His father shakes his head.

“No. I came here because I wanted to. Your mom did, however, tell me that you’d be leaving for a short trip to France. I wanted to come see you beforehand. I wouldn’t want you to leave us on bad terms again,” his father says. Taehyung nods. “But heʼs been telling me he strongly disagrees with my choices. He gave me the cold shoulder all through the week, and has been bringing me extra-sugary coffee that he knows I despise. I know it’s not an accident or a coincidence, and he knows that I absolutely hate it even if I haven’t said anything to him.”

Taehyung can’t help but burst into laughter at that, the image of Jeongguk pouring sugar into his dad’s coffee as revenge is way too funny to him. “That does sound like something he’d do if mad,” Taehyung says, thinking back to the time where Jeongguk gave him black, plain coffee with no sugar, milk or anything whatsoever. Jeongguk claimed it was an accident, but Taehyung isn’t that sure.

“Tour now, then?” his dad says, to which Taehyung nods as he stands up.

“Let's go,” Taehyung says, as his dad mimics him at the other side of the desk. He starts walking around the desk, making his way to the door as he adds, “There isn't much to see, but—”

He's interrupted by his dad pulling him into a hug, arms wrapping firmly around Taehyungʼs body in a tight embrace. Taehyung's eyes widen, but he forces himself to return the hug despite his shock. It might not seem like a big deal, but the hug itself shows sincerity and affection, and for Taehyung that means the world coming from his dad who isnʼt big on hugs.

“I love you, Taehyung,” his dad tells him, at the same time Taehyung's arms wrap around his back just as firmly. “You will always be my pride, my son. Never forget that.”

“I love you too, dad,” Taehyung says, unable to hide a smile. Everyone can probably see them, but he's far too fucking happy to care right now. “I promise I won't.”

⨳

Packing sucks, so in order to make the whole experience a little less dreadful for himself, Taehyung invites Jimin over to keep him company while he does so. It's Friday evening, and Taehyung's flight to Paris is leaving tomorrow, early in the morning. Taehyung was planning on leaving Yeontan with Jimin since it's impossible for the puppy to stay at Taehyung's family home because of his father's allergy. Under normal circumstances, Taehyung would have had Jeongguk stay with Tannie—other than with himself, Jeongguk is the person that Yeontan has been around the most. It'd only make sense for him to stay with the dog.

However, these aren't normal circumstances. Taehyung and Jeongguk aren't on good terms and they haven't talked since that night at Taehyung's, so it feels like things are too stiff for him to just call like hey, it's Taehyung. Would you mind dog-sitting my dog while I go to Europe? Not the best plan, honestly.

“It's probably gonna be so fucking warm,” Taehyung comments, folding a thin linen shirt as neatly as he can. “I went there in June a couple of years ago and it was boiling. Although I'm pretty sure there was a heatwave at the time.”

“Just pack light stuff and then take a spring jacket. You'll be fine,” Jimin comments from the bed. He's lying on his side, one of his arms propped up so he can rest his head on top of his clenched fist. “How about the one with the lilac flowers? That one is so cute.”

“I don't know if I'll have space,” Taehyung says, hands on his hips as he looks at all the clothes scattered on the bed, surrounding his open suitcase. He still has to add all of his toiletries, pajamas and some more bathroom stuff. He's starting to regret booking no luggage other than his hand one. “This is a mess.”

“You just have to be smart about it,” Jimin says, sitting up as if he's ready to help. The two of them are silent for a moment there. Taehyung is thinking about how to fit everything in his tiny cabin suitcase, but judging by what Jimin says next his mind must be elsewhere. “You don't have to go, you know.”

Taehyung frowns a little, eyes diverting from the clothes to Jimin as he asks, “Go where? To Paris?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Jimin tells him. “You can stay here and fix things beforehand.”

Taehyung sighs. Out of all of the people in his life, Jimin was the one that had the least objections or worries about him leaving for Paris. That could be easily explained by the fact that they weren't friends before this year, and so he never had to experience Taehyung leaving for a first time, not coming back until seven years later. Despite not being there, Jimin knows about it. And this reaction makes it obvious that he, just like Seokjin and Taehyung's family, fears the possibility that Taehyung is escaping again.

Taehyung moves to sit down on the edge of the bed, pushing a pile of clothes away from him in order to not wrinkle them. As soon as he sits down, Jimin gets closer to him and pulls him into a back hu, hooking his chin over Taehyung's shoulder.

“I think it'd be good for me,” Taehyung says. “It's just a week-long holiday.”

“And wouldn't you enjoy it more if you didn't have any worries clouding your mind?” Jimin suggests. He doesn't sound patronizing, nor imposing—it sounds like a genuine suggestion. “Or... if you had someone to keep you company during those days, even.”

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Jimin is talking about Jeongguk. At the mention of him, Taehyung shrugs his shoulders, not daring to deny it. Of course, he would enjoy his time there more with Jeongguk, but it doesn't seem like it's happening.

“I'm not gonna lie to you—I'm going to Paris because whenever I've been there before, I've always felt... Happy and at peace. And when I booked the flights, I did so on impulse because I was desperately searching for that feeling again,” Taehyung explains. “But I know I have responsibilities, and this isn't me running away from them. I'm not eighteen anymore. I just need a little break from all the thinking and from everything going on, but I will be back.”

“I believe you,” Jimin says. For a change, it's nice to have someone trust him when he says this. Most people seem wary, like they're reluctant to put their hopes into Taehyung coming back. He understands where they're coming from because he ran away once, but it's been seven years since that happened. He's grown, and he's learned, even if right now it doesnʼt seem like it. “If you don't, I'll steal your company and your dog.”

Taehyung laughs at that, shaking his head as he does so. Having Jimin crack a joke makes his shoulders feel a little lighter, not feeling as guilty as before.

“Are you trying to take over my life?” Taehyung asks, feeling Jimin squish him a little tighter.

“That's exactly what I'll do,” Jimin replies. “So you better come and claim it back.”

⨳

Taehyung drops by his parents' house for dinner that very same night, as a way to say goodbye to them for the week. They have a fun night, just the four of them. During the past few months Taehyung learned to relax around his dad and just enjoy family time, but now it just feels even better. There arenʼt any second-thoughts or insecurities nagging at the back of his mind, trying to convince him that maybe he doesn't deserve to feel this at ease with his parents. Now, Taehyung feels good.

His mom squeezes him so tight when he's about to leave, even if Taehyung keeps reminding her that he'll only be gone for a week. Miyoung tells her that she should be used to having him be gone for way longer than this, which earns a pointed look from Taehyung.

“Just when I was starting to get used to having you here,” his mom complains, making Taehyung laugh as he ducks down and lets himself be pulled into a tight hug.

His flight is both long and early as fuck, so he leaves rather soon, but not without promising to his parents that he'll text when he lands. The last thing his sister says to him is to remember to buy her something, which has Taehyung snickering in the way to his car. There’s a feeling of contentment settling in his chest as he thinks about the tight hug his father gave him before leaving. He told him to have fun and come back soon, which for some reason makes Taehyung feel stupidly happy.

On the drive back, Taehyung entertains himself by going over the list of things he had to do today in order to prepare, trying to figure out if he has forgotten anything. It doesn't take him long at all to get to his complex, parking his car right outside the building. Right as he pulls the hand-brake, ready to get out the car and finally make his way home, his phone rings. Taehyung frowns, looking at the small screen on his car's console to check who's calling. The moment he sees Jeongguk's name, Taehyung's mouth goes dry.

It hasn't been that many days since they last spoke, but for some reason the last thing Taehyung was expecting was for Jeongguk to call him. He stares at the screen for a couple of seconds, forcing himself to snap out of his daze and do something. He swallows down, thumb hovering over the answer button on the steering wheel, and picks up.

“Hello?” Taehyung asks. He hates that his voice comes out croaky and stiff, a clear sign that he's nervous and honestly fearing the outcome that this conversation might have.

“Hey there, Taehyung,” Jeongguk says. Just hearing him speak is enough to make Taehyung's chest clutch, both in longing and in anguish. Jeongguk's voice, unlike his, sounds as sweet and gentle as always. So composed. “I hope I'm not disturbing you.”

“You're not, you're not,” Taehyung says, shifting in his seat as he lets go of the wheel. He knows he should probably get out of his car and go inside, but he doesn't trust himself to have this conversation and do something else at the same time. “What's up?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” Jeongguk tells him. His phone sounds slightly distorted, but it doesn't prevent Taehyung from letting himself rejoice in the breathiness of it. “I heard you're flying tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Taehyung says. He should have known the news would get to Jeongguk eventually, even if he didn't tell him himself. After all, their lives are so closely intertwined that it was only a matter of time until he found out. “That's right, yeah. How'd you know?”

“Seokjin told me,” Jeongguk replies. Taehyung nods. He never asked Seokjin not to tell, so he canʼt say heʼs surprised. Plus, it's only fair that Jeongguk knows, isn't it? “Europe again?”

“Yeah, Europe,” Taehyung says. Maybe it's just his imagination, but he swears he can hear the smallest hint of doubt in Jeongguk's voice, of fear. Taehyung knows that those emotions are not about where he's going, but more so about how long he's going for. “I'll just be visiting.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Nothing permanent. I'll be there for a week,” he replies. It's not that he needs to justify it to Jeongguk, or that Jeongguk asked him for any explanations. It's just that Taehyung wants him to know. He's not going away again.

Jeongguk is quiet for a few seconds, and god, they seem to go by so painstakingly slow. For a moment, Taehyung feels like Jeongguk is about to ask him not to go; it wouldn't be such a wild thought, considering how hurt he was the first time Taehyung left. Part of Taehyung wishes he would ask him to stay, because he knows that if Jeongguk asked him to, he wouldn't hesitate to drop everything and cancel all of those plans. Hell, if he wasn't as much of a coward as he is, he would cancel them himself without Jeongguk having to ask. He wouldn't have made them himself to begin with.

A knot forms in Taehyung's throat, and it tightens with every passing second of silence. He figures it must not be easy for Jeongguk to get out any words either; Jeongguk has always felt so, so strongly, that sometimes words aren't really the best way to convey all of those emotions.

“That's good,” Jeongguk says eventually. There's a shift in his voice—it sounds strained, almost like he struggles to get the words out. Taehyung lets out a silent sigh, eyes closing as he leans back against the headrest. “That's good, hyung. I hope you have a safe flight and a lovely trip.”

The knot tightens. Taehyung squeezes his eyes tighter when he feels them well up with tears, not knowing what to do or say. He should say something, shouldn't he? He should ask Jeongguk to meet, or tell him he doesn't want to go away but he doesn't know what else to do. He has always prided himself in being straight-forward and fighting for what he wants, but now this is happening and he's making all of the same mistakes as always. And he doesn't know how to fucking stop himself.

“Thank you,” he says instead, blinking his eyes open. As he does so, two warm tears fall from his lashes and onto his cheeks, rolling down his face as he forces himself to choke down a small sob. His chest feels so tight, almost like he can't breathe. “Thank you, Jeongguk.”

“I won't bother you for any longer,” Jeongguk adds. You never bother me, Jeongguk, Taehyung thinks. He doesn't open his mouth, though—if he did, Jeongguk would probably hear him cry. “Goodnight, Taehyung.”

“Bye,” Taehyung says, eyes fluttering closed again. His voice comes out strained again, so he clears his throat and forces himself to add, “Goodnight, Jeongguk. Sleep well.”

Taehyung doesn't move—it's Jeongguk who ends the call, the line going dead just a few seconds after that. The moment that happens, though, Taehyung lets go. He's still leaning back against the backrest, eyes closed and tears streaming down his face, when a roaring, almost painful sob erupts from his chest. Taehyung's throat feels hoarse as he bursts into tears.

He doesn't know why he's crying. If it's because of Jeongguk or if it's because he's doing it all over again, or because of both. What he knows is that there is a sharp pain piercing through his chest right now, and he feels like it's all his fault.

He knows he'll come back. He knows he'll come back to Jeongguk, and that this isn't the same. But if he knows this, why does it feel like he's leaving Jeongguk behind once again?

⨳

Taehyung arrives at his hotel in Paris after over 12 hours of traveling, if you include trips to and from the airport both here and in Seoul. He still managed to get nice seats despite the short notice, so there really isn't much of a reason for his entire body to scream at him in agony like it's doing right now. He checks-in as fast as he can, talking to the receptionist in broken French, and then gets to his room as fast as he can. At last.

There's A big difference between Korea and Western Europe, so it's still only afternoon once he gets to the hotel. The first thing Taehyung does once he's in his hotel is get a hot, hot shower—the water feels like it's burning his skin, but at the same time it almost feels like all of his physical pain is being washed away. Taehyung sighs as the bathroom fills with steam, rinsing his hair off. So now what?

The truth is, he booked on impulse and without much of a plan in mind. He hasn't had the time to work out an itinerary or anything of the sorts. Maybe that's what he can do for the remainder of the day; jet lag has him too dead to do some sightseeing, so he doesn't really feel like going out and taking advantage of his first evening. So that's how Taehyung resolves to plan today.

Which is how he finds himself sitting on the balcony of his room, wearing his bathrobe as he scribbles down on the small, black notebook that the hotel left in the room for him. He writes down every place that he can think of to visit; not a proper plan because Taehyung has never liked that, anyway. He's the kind to just enjoy walking to the heart of a city and getting lost there, discovering on his own rather than through someone else's recommendations.

Despite that, there are still some must-sees for him. Even if he has been to Paris before, and he's already seen most of these places, he doesn't think he could come to Paris and leave without paying a visit to them. Some things remain just as impressive no matter how many times you see them.

He ends up with quite a decent list, sighing in contentment as he reads over it. Lidding the pen, Taehyung leans back on the chair and looks up, at the sight in front of him. When he booked his hotel room, he made sure he could have a good view of the Eiffel Tower from his room. Now, the sun is starting to set and the sky is pink, and Taehyung thinks that the sight of Paris' buildings with the Eiffel Tower in the back, is possibly one of the prettiest things he's ever seen. The first time he came here, he came to the conclusion that seeing the landscape was the closest he ever was to being in love. Now he can't say the same, but it's still undeniably pretty.

Taehyung ends up ordering some room service, including a bottle of wine, choosing to have dinner outside while he watches the sunset. But before doing that, there is one more thing he wants to do. Taehyung reaches into his robe's pocket for his phone, swiftly unlocking it and opening the Instagram app. He opens the Stories camera and then takes his time to find the perfect photo. Once he has the shot, he doesn't even bother with any filters, GIFs or texts—he posts it as it is. Not that it needs anything to make it look prettier.

Taehyung doesn’t check his phone again until exactly eight minutes after posting the story, once he has ordered his room service and put some more clothes on. When he unlocks his phone then, reading the notifications on the screen before anything else, his heart skips a beat. Jeongguk reacted to your story, it reads. At some point, Taehyung managed to convince Jeongguk to change his ugly username into something a little more pleasing to the eyes. Taehyung can’t help but smile as he taps on the notification, seeing how Jeongguk reacted with hearts.

He never thought he’d find himself in the dilemma of what to reply to Jeongguk, but it’s happening now. He’s about to just like the message, but that feels cold. But starting a conversation from just a reaction seems a bit forced, doesn’t it? If Jeongguk had replied with a message of his own instead of just a reaction, this would be easier. Taehyung bites down on his bottom lip, staring at the screen. In the end, he opens his emoji tab and sends a bunch of white hearts—his new favorites.

He can’t deny he’s shocked when he sees his message go straight to read, as if Jeongguk had clicked on it right after getting the notification. It’s late in Seoul, so it’s not like there is a whole lot for Jeongguk to do right now. It only takes a second for the notification telling him that Jeongguk has liked his message to show, one red heart appearing under Taehyung’s last text.

With that, Taehyung leans back on the chair again and lets out a sigh. It’s a start. A very tentative approach, kind of cold considering what they were up until last week, but it’s a start. Now, it’s in their hands to make things get better little by little.

⨳

Taehyung’s first day in Paris is dedicated mostly to exploration. Summer is about to start and the city is already buzzing with tourists, even if it’s a weekday, but Taehyung doesn’t let all of the hecticness get to him. He has his film camera with him and has been taking pictures of everything that he thinks was worth it; sometimes it’s the buildings, sometimes the scenery, sometimes it’s people. Everything he finds interesting, he takes a snap of.

He also has his Polaroid in his bag but he’s a little more reserved about that one. He only uses that for the pictures that he itches to have in his hands right away, when he can’t really bring himself to wait until the film is developed. For most of the day, Taehyung keeps the camera safely in his bag. But every time he takes a Polaroid he also gets a thin black pen out, writing the date and place where the shot was taken at the bottom. It’s a tradition he has.

There’s something soothing about traveling alone, even if it’s true that it gets a little lonely. Taehyung tries to push the melancholy away for most of the day, but it’s a little hard when everywhere he looks the city is bustling, and everyone seems to be laughing and having fun with someone else. He now remembers how Jimin said it’d be good for him to have someone to enjoy the trip with, and can’t help but think he was so right.

Still, the reason why he came here was to think. To be left with his thoughts, rearrange them, then fix the situation he has going. And that goes well, really; Taehyung has a lot of time to think about everything while he walks down the Jardin des Plantes during the morning, or as he gets to the Latin Quarter that evening. He thinks about how he wishes Jeongguk was here with him, but also wonders how he’s doing these days. He hasn’t been asking anyone, as he didn’t really feel like he had the right to, but maybe he should shoot a text to Seokjin at some point and find out. He’s worried, worried about how this could be hurting Jeongguk. Despite being halfway across the world right now, Taehyung still worries.

Contrary to what he has done on previous trips he's taken, Taehyung decides to tackle souvenir shopping on the first day this time around. He still has to get something better for his sister (he knows she won’t settle for a magnet or a snow globe, even if he finds the most stunning ones across the continent), but he still gets some of the typical stuff for his parents and closest friends. Miniatures of the Eiffel Tower, a magnet for his parents’ fridge—that kind of stuff. He’s about to head to the checkout and pay for his stuff when he sees the postcards stand, one idea immediately popping in his mind.

There are many postcards to choose from, but the one that immediately catches his attention is a vintage-looking one with a very cliché shot of the Eiffel Tower and all of Paris’ buildings surrounding it, with the name of the city written in yellow in the upper left corner. Without thinking twice about it, Taehyung gets the postcard and finally heads to the checkout before he has the time to talk himself out of it.

Taehyung often acts on impulse, and the very same whim that drove him to buy the postcard is what drives him to sit on a bench right outside of the store and get his black pen out of his bag, starting to write on the back of the postcard. He tackles the easiest part first—the address. Jeongguk’s address.

There is not much he can say on the postcard, as he has limited space and it’s not exactly private, so he keeps it short. He says everything he wishes he had said to Jeongguk the other day when he called. Everything he wishes he could say to him right now. Maybe sending a postcard is the most cowardly option; he doesn’t have to see Jeongguk’s immediate reaction, instead he just has to wait until Jeongguk gets it.

I'm very, very sorry. I promise I will explain everything when I'm back and make it up to you. I'm not leaving you again—there's nothing I regret more than doing so the first time. I think about you all the time, and I miss you. I love you.

P.S.: You never bother me.

Taehyung reads over the postcard once he’s written on it. He knows it’s not enough of an apology—he has explanations to give Jeongguk, and he has to come back and prove he’s serious about all of this. But it’s a start, he thinks. And he also hopes it’s a way of showing Jeongguk that he’s not leaving him behind this time; he might be away, but he’s thinking about him and he loves him.

He gives it one last look and then he puts the postcard inside of his bag, safely away. He'll send it this evening before going back to his hotel. The quicker it makes its way to Jeongguk, the better.

⨳

That night after having dinner in his room, Taehyung decides to make his way down to the hotel bar, choosing to have a drink by himself. Part of him thinks that there is nothing quite as sad as this: having a cocktail all by himself in a hotel bar. Luckily, Taehyung doesn’t really care much about what others think about him. He makes himself presentable, grabs his wallet, and makes his way down in order to get his drink.

Now, this is the first time in his life Taehyung has done this, even if it’s not the first time he's traveled alone. Always an innate social butterfly, Taehyung never had too much trouble finding himself some company for the nights where he wanted someone to hang out with. Even if he has never done this, he’s seen enough movies to know that people who are alone at bars often get approached; he’s had his fair share of people come up to him at regular bars to know this. Despite that, he wasn't really expecting for someone to come to him this fast. It’s no more than a minute after Taehyung gets his drink, a dry Martini, that someone sits on the stool next to him.

“Bonsoir,” the woman says, sitting next to him. She already has a drink in her hand, and Taehyung doesn’t think she came here to ask the bartender for anything else. At least, not by the way she is sitting on her stool, body facing Taehyung’s.

She’s attractive, that’s undeniable. Her eyes are big and blue, and her hair is blonde and falls over her shoulders in loose waves. She’s looking at Taehyung with a smile dancing on her full, rose-tinted lips.

“Bonsoir,” replies Taehyung. Now, he knows a bit French—he took one year of classes when he lived in the Netherlands, but he is far from fluent. Just enough to make himself be understood while traveling, but nowhere near enough to have a conversation. He lets the woman talking to him know, adding, “Je ne parle pas le français.”

“Oh! English?” she asks then, with a distinct French accent. Taehyung nods. “That’s good. Not from here, are you?”

The answer is an obvious no, so Taehyung shakes his head and says, “No, not from here. I’m from South Korea.”

“Ah, South Korea,” she replies with a nod. Taehyung gives her a small, polite smile. “Are you here for work?”

“Not really. I’m here for leisure,” he says. “You?”

“I’m here for work. I’m just taking a little break now, you know,” she says, waving her glass a little. Taehyung chuckles at that. “I don’t know many people who travel on their own for leisure unless they're backpackers.”

Taehyung shrugs. “I guess not. Everyone likes to have some company,” Taehyung replies.

“I could keep you company if you’d like,” she says, at the time she tucks one strand of hair behind her ear. Taehyung’s eyebrows raise, although he’s not very surprised—he had a feeling from the start that this is why the woman had come up to him, so it doesn’t really come as a shock.

“That’s a very flattering offer,” Taehyung says. There must be something in his tone that gives away what his final answer is, because her eyebrows knit together into a slight frown. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re very beautiful, but I’m afraid I’m gay.”

The frown on her face disappears then, her lips parting into an ‘o’ shape. “Oh! Oh, my god—I’m sorry, I had no idea,” she says, sitting upright. Taehyung laughs again. “I’m really sorry! I didn’t mean to… you know.”

“It’s no bother. Don’t apologize, really, it’s fine,” he reassures, waving his hand a little. The girl inhales sharply, then exhales slouching a little. “I could still use some company, though. Even if it’s not like that.”

“If you wouldn’t mind,” she says, running a hand through her blonde locks. “I was feeling a little bored.”

“So you’re alone here as well?” Taehyung asks, trying to be friendly.

“I’m alone, yeah,” she says. She offers him a hand then, adding, “My name’s Noelle.”

Taehyung shakes her hand, replying, “I’m Taehyung. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” she replies. She leans closer then, lowering her voice before she adds, “I hope this doesn’t seem weird, but if you get a little closer, I would like to tell you something.”

A crooked smile makes its way to Taehyung’s lips, amused. He asks, “What is it?”

“There is a guy sitting on your other side, two stools away,” she starts. Taehyung nods—the guy in question was already sitting there before Taehyung arrived, sipping on his drink. “I think he overheard what you were saying. When you said you’re gay, he looked over here and ever since he’s been checking out. Just so you know.”

Taehyung’s eyebrows raise at that. “Really?” he asks. He turns around in the least subtle of ways, making eye-contact with the guy that, just like Noelle pointed out, is looking at him. Taehyung looks away quickly, redirecting his attention to her instead. “Wow. I feel like I’m so popular tonight.”

“He’s kind of cute,” Noelle says, sitting up straight on the stool again. She crosses one leg over the ot
her, the heel of her shoe slotting perfectly on the bar of the stool.

“Eh,” Taehyung says, disinterested. He reaches down to his drink, playing with the toothpick and the green olive attached to it. “Not interested. I'm seeing someone already.”

“Really? Good for you,” Noelle says, sending another look over Taehyung’s shoulder to the guy. “How come your someone isn’t here now then?”

Taehyung’s mouth opens, about to reply that he just wanted to travel alone. He’s never had the sort of night where he ended up opening up to a stranger in a bar, so the little white lie was about to roll off his tongue. He figures, however, that he doesn’t have anything to lose. “It’s complicated,” he says, in the end.

“Uh, oh,” she says, resting her cheek in her palm. “That doesn’t seem too good.”

“It sounds worse than it is. I just needed time to think but we’ll be good once I’m back,” Taehyung says. He has no way to know—what he and Jeongguk have is incredibly volatile because it’s not official. No matter how secure Taehyung feels in his feelings, or how safe he feels when he’s with Jeongguk, isn’t it a bit of a risky assumption to make that everything will be fine? Is he, maybe, taking it for granted?

“You should have brought him here with you. Paris is good for love,” she observes, right before picking up her glass and taking a sip of her drink.

Taehyung wouldn’t know—he’s never been to Paris with a lover. He’s been here with friends, with family, and now on his own. Never with a lover.

“I’ll take him here with me next time,” Taehyung says. It sounds casual, nonchalant, but to Taehyung itʼs more than an off-hand comment. It’s a promise. Not to Noelle, but to himself. To Jeongguk, too.

He swears that he’s going to come back here, and he’s going to do so with Jeongguk. Not because he’s taking Jeongguk for granted and thinks Jeongguk will wait for him forever; because he loves Jeongguk, and he’s doing everything in his power to prove it to him.

Taehyung breaks into a smile then, Noelle looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “You good?” she asks.

Taehyung nods. “I’m good. Really good,” he says.

And this, this determination and this push—that’s exactly what Taehyung came here for. He wanted to rearrange his thoughts, wanted to leave Paris knowing what to do and trusting himself to do it.

Paris. Jeongguk. Himself. He doesn’t know when, he doesn’t know how, but he knows he’ll make it happen. This time around, Taehyung is going to fight for them.

⨳

The following morning, Taehyung wakes up to a string of texts from Jimin asking him endless questions—how’s the trip so far? Is the weather nice? What hotel is he staying in? And, is the city just as magical as it seems in all of his stories?

Taehyung replies to all of those messages first thing in the morning, texting back and forth with Jimin for a while as he gets ready for the day. However, once he’s all dressed and has had his breakfast, Taehyung says his goodbyes to Jimin, shoving his phone in his pocket.

He only has a few days here, especially considering that traveling makes the first and last days useless, so he’s going to take advantage of them where possible. And that, to Taehyung, means no phone distractions, not until he's explored the city some more, at least.

⨳

“Mister Kim!” Taehyung hears as soon as he steps a foot into the hotel’s vestibule, when he was about to head to the elevator. He looks over to the source of the voice, to the counter, where the receptionist gestures at him. Once he’s close enough for him to be within hearing range without the woman having to raise her voice, she says, in English, “Mister Kim, I have a message for you.”

“A message for me?” Taehyung asks, unable to conceal his shock. He can’t think of anyone who would come to leave a message for him, hence his confusion. “A message from who?”

“A young gentleman. He came earlier asking for Taehyung,” the receptionist explains. “I told him you weren’t in at the moment and that I couldn’t give him your room number, but he left a message for you.”

“Did he leave a name?”

“No names, sir, no,” she replies.

Taehyung clicks his tongue. Maybe with a name it’d be easier to figure out who it is, but he can’t think of anyone. Before the receptionist explained it was a man, he thought maybe Noelle was the one who left a message—they stayed talking for a while there, at the bar, but didn’t really exchange phone numbers or anything. But a man? Taehyung doesn’t know who it could—

Wait. Yesterday, at the bar, Noelle pointed out how the man sitting next to them was eavesdropping on their conversation, and how he reacted to Taehyung saying he was gay. Only a few seconds after telling Noelle that, he told her his name, so the guy could have easily overheard that. And now, he came to the reception asking for him.

“Did he have dark hair?” he asks, thinking back to how the man looked. The receptionist nods. “Oh, god—that’s fine, I don’t need to hear the message. Thank you very much, but… yeah. If he comes by asking for me again, there’s no need for you to write anything down.”

“As you wish, mister Kim,” she says, flashing Taehyung a smile. Taehyung hopes she doesn’t think he’s being rude, but the truth is that he really doesn’t care much about what that guy has to say to him. He’d rather ignore it. “I’ll keep that in mind. Have a good evening.”

“Likewise,” Taehyung tells her, smiling. “And again, thank you very much.”

After that, Taehyung makes his way to the elevator and presses the button to his floor. He just hopes that the guy takes a hint and doesn’t try to find him again or anything; not that there is much he can do, but still. It could make room for some awkwardness and Taehyung doesn’t feel like dealing with that.

As soon as he gets to his hotel room, Taehyung leaves his bag on top of the bed and starts to take his shirt off, getting ready for his shower. It’s only as he’s undoing the buttons, when he’s halfway done with his task, that he realizes that some of the pictures he took with his Polaroid are spilling out of his bag.

There’s one that catches Taehyung’s attention, one that he particularly likes among all the ones he took. It’s a close shot he took yesterday at the Jardin des Plantes, one that depicts pink peonies, the flowers vivid and majestic. The picture alone is enough to make Taehyung remember their soft fragrance, as well as the chirping of the birds and the warmth and gentleness of the sun on his skin.

It's Taehyung's favorite, not only because of the picture itself but because it brings a happy memory to his mind. A memory he wants to share. He doesn’t have time to reflect on it before his hand is fishing inside his bag, blindly looking for his pen. Once he finds it, before he has the time to think twice about it, he writes something on the bottom, right next to the date.

For JK ♡

⨳

After being back in Seoul for nearly a year, Taehyung had almost forgotten how dramatic the time difference between Europe and Korea is. He’s reminded of it that night, when he gets a call from Jimin a little after midnight. Jimin knows he’s awake, he has just replied to his text, so that must have been why he decided to call.

“Hey there,” Taehyung greets, answering the video call and angling the phone towards himself. Jimin’s face appears on his screen, hair messy and cheeks looking a little puffy.

“Good morning,” Jimin greets, smiling softly. He then corrects himself, “Good night. What time is it?”

“Half twelve,” Taehyung replies. Jimin groans. “It’s half-past seven there, right?”

“Yup. My alarm just went off,” Jimin says, grumbling again. “When I'm on holiday I'll make sure to call you right after you wake up and while I have all of these amazing plans.”

“You called me, though,” Taehyung points out, smiling a little. “Plus, I don’t have any amazing plans. I’m in my room alone.”

“I called because I miss you,” Jimin replies. Taehyung’s smile widens. “And I wanted to talk to you, and I didn’t know when else to. It seems that every other time you’re free I’m either asleep or at work.”

“You could call me at any time, you know,” Taehyung says. “I’m just walking around.”

“I wouldn’t interrupt your walking around,” Jimin replies, a bit mocking. Taehyung sticks his tongue out at him. “What are you gonna do today? Any exciting plans?”

“Nothing too exciting. I was gonna improvise a little, see where luck takes me,” Taehyung says. Jimin nods. “The only real plan I have is to go to the Parc des Buttes-Chaumont to watch the sunset in the evening.”

“The Parc des-what?” Jimin repeats, wrinkling his nose.

“Parc des Buttes-Chaumont,” Taehyung repeats, laughing a little. Jimin nods slowly, but from the gesture he makes, Taehyung doesn’t think he recognizes the name.

“I don’t really know what that means, but I hope it’s nice,” Jimin tells him. Taehyung grins. “I’d love to stay here and talk to you for longer, but I have to get ready for work now. Kind of have a business to run now that my boss ran away to France and left me in charge of everything.”

“Your boss sounds like an asshole,” Taehyung jokes.

“He kind of is,” Jimin says. “Send me sunset pictures later. Tomorrow.”

“Will do,” Taehyung promises. “Call me if you need anything. No matter the hour.”

“I will, don’t worry,” Jimin says, moving to get out of bed. “Bye-bye, Taehyungie. Goodnight.”

“Bye-bye, Jiminie. Have a good day,” Taehyung says. He waves his hand in front of the camera a couple of times before Jimin ends the call.

Taehyung leaves his phone on the bedside table and starts getting ready for sleep after that. Tomorrow is his third full day in Paris, which means he’ll get to the equator of the trip. These days have gone by really fast, yet at the same time it feels like he’s been here for longer than he has. Almost like there’s something missing.

He’s enjoying his time here, and he’s excited for the rest of the trip; he has so much he wants to see, both places unknown to him and places he has gone to before. But, at the same time, Taehyung misses home. Taehyung misses his family, misses his friends and, of course, misses him.

⨳

Taehyung has been to Paris a couple of times, but neither of those times he had the chance to visit Parc des Buttes-Chaumont. In all honesty, he’s heard of it, but his itinerary was always too packed for it or, whenever it was in the plan, something always came up and he had to drop it in the end. This time around, though, Taehyung is determined to visit; it has everything to do with the fact that, while preparing his plan the other day, he saw a couple of travel vloggers state how this was one of the most underrated spots in Paris.

As the day comes to an end, Taehyung heads to the park, taking with him both of his cameras. He doesn’t have more plans for tonight; all he wants is to watch the sunset, take a few pictures and then go back to the hotel and have dinner. That’s why, once he’s there at the park, he just allows himself to walk around and soak in the scenery. The park itself is beautiful, and so Taehyung gets a little side-tracked as he takes a little stroll. His goal is to get to the Temple de la Sibylle before the sun sets since it’s right on top of the cliff the park is in and Taehyung thinks the view from there must be stunning. He stops every once in a while, takes a few pictures of the park and the view of Paris from there, but he has a goal.

Luck seems to be on his side because the park seems to be quiet today. Taehyung excitedly makes his way up, up, and up—if he gets lucky, he will be alone at the temple as well. Not that someone’s presence there would be an inconvenience, of course, he’d just mind his own business and take his pictures. It’s just that having the whole thing to himself sounds, well, idyllic. Way too good to be true.

Sometimes, however, things like that happen. When Taehyung gets to the very top of the cliff and finds the temple completely empty he feels his heart clench, a smile spreading across his face. His pace speeds up as he gets to the very top, looking down at the lake at the foot of the cliff, surrounded by vegetation. He made it just on time, too; the sky is a pretty pastel pink as the sun starts to set, the color fading into blue as you look away from the horizon. Taehyung immediately brings his camera to his face, looking for the perfect picture.

The view of the Sacré-Coeur from here is perfect, and added to the color of the sky it makes one of the most stunning views Taehyung has ever seen. He presses the button once, the shutter clicking as his camera snaps a picture. But one photograph isn’t enough; Taehyung angles his camera a little bit, looking for another perspective. It’s then, when he’s about to press the button again, that it happens.

“I found you.”

Taehyung’s hand freezes, his finger still hovering over the shutter. For a moment there, Taehyung stills, unable to move or react in any way, his eyes widening. He doesn’t need any more words or to turn around to know who’s there. He’d never fail to recognize Jeongguk’s voice.

Taehyung lowers the camera, taking it away from his face, and spins around on his face. Seeing Jeongguk standing there behind him is both the biggest shock and biggest relief he’s ever experienced.

“Jeongguk?” he asks. At that moment he doesn’t find himself capable of doing anything else other than ask.

Jeongguk raises one of his arms, waving a bit awkwardly. “Hey, hyung.”

Realistically, it hasn’t been that long since Taehyung saw Jeongguk. It hasn’t even been that long since the argument happened. After being away from people he loved for so long, Taehyung thought he’d be able to handle as much as a week away. But everything has proven to be different when it comes to Jeongguk; a week apart seems like an eternity, and a week together goes by in the blink of an eye. Jeongguk has changed everything for Taehyung.

There are few things more comforting than the embrace of a lover during a reunion, Taehyung thinks, and that belief gets reaffirmed the moment Jeongguk’s arms wrap around Taehyung’s body right there and then. Taehyung’s arms curl around Jeongguk’s shoulders and pull him in, holding him tight against his body at the same time Jeongguk snakes his own around Taehyung’s middle. Taehyung still has his camera in his hands, but as much as he treasures it, the device is at the very back of his mind right now.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung says, almost as if he needs confirmation that this is real. Jeongguk’s arms slot around Taehyung’s body perfectly, like they always do; he smells like his fruity body spray, the scent familiar to Taehyung’s nose. It makes him smile, cheek squished against Jeongguk’s hair. “I’m so happy to see you. I’m so happy to see you, even if I don’t know what you’re doing here.”

Jeongguk laughs at that, his giggle coming out a little choked up. His arms tighten around Taehyung’s body as he says, “I figured if you weren't going to come to me, I would come to you instead.”

“I was gonna come back to you,” Taehyung replies, pulling back a little. There’s no bite behind Jeongguk’s words, he knows that and it only gets confirmed even further as he sees him grin, but he still doesn’t want Jeongguk to think he isn't going to come back. “I was going to. I promise.”

“I guess I couldn’t wait, then,” Jeongguk tells him, shooting Taehyung another smile. “I want to talk to you, Taehyung.”

“So you flew all across the globe just to talk to me?” Taehyung asks, incredulous. Taehyung has never thought of Jeongguk as a hopeless romantic, but that’s the only way he can think of to describe this. The fact that Jeongguk is here right now, with him, is absolutely crazy, something Taehyung can only recall happening in rom-com movies.

“I guess I did,” Jeongguk says. Taehyung laughs, and so Jeongguk shrugs. “I don’t want you to leave again.”

“I’m coming back,” Taehyung reiterates. Without even thinking about it, he reaches down, gently taking Jeongguk’s hand on his own. “I just needed to think. I acted on impulse and was too prideful and stubborn not to go through with it.”

“You do that an awful lot,” Jeongguk says at the same time he squeezes Taehyung’s hand. “I hope it’s okay that I came here. Maybe you needed time away from me.”

“Never need time away from you. Itʼs more than okay. I’m so, so happy to see you,” Taehyung reassures, meeting Jeongguk’s eyes. “How did you find me, though?”

“Jimin likes to talk,” Jeongguk says, giving Taehyung a lopsided smile. Taehyung’s lips part, all of the pieces slotting together—he did tell Jimin he’d be here this evening, so that’s how Jeongguk knew where to look for him. “He also told me where you’re staying so I tried to leave a message at the reception, but I don’t think it worked? I donʼt know.”

“Wait, wait—fuck,” Taehyung says, Jeongguk’s eyes widening in panic for a split second. “That was you? The one who left a message for me yesterday?”

“Of course it was me. Who else could it be?” Jeongguk asks. “You thought it was someone else? You leave for four days and already have admirers?”

“It was just a random guy at the hotel bar the other day. Barely an admirer,” Taehyung says, waving dismissively. God, how self-centered of him to assume it was that guy. “I can’t believe Jimin would tell you where I am.”

“He also told me your flight details for your returning flight so that I could leave on the same one,” Jeongguk says. Taehyung’s eyebrows raise. “I flew here the day after you. When I saw you were here, I just—I got scared. I don’t want to lose you, Taehyung. I’m so in love with you.”

Taehyung clutches his camera in his hand. “I love you so much,” he allows himself to say. “We need to talk, Jeongguk.”

“We do need to talk,” Jeongguk agrees with a nod. “But before that—can I kiss you? Would that be okay?”

Taehyung swallows down at the question, immediately replying, “Yes.” Jeongguk gets closer, one of his hands cupping Taehyung’s cheeks. “Kiss me, please.”

Taehyung has missed Jeongguk—he has missed his touch, he has missed his messy hair when he wakes up, he has missed the sweetness of his voice and the feeling of his body curled up against him in bed. But above all of those things, he has missed the feeling of Jeongguk’s lips against his and the taste of his mouth. No one has ever kissed him like Jeongguk does, making goosebumps rise on his skin and volcanoes erupt inside his chest.

Jeongguk’s hands are tender as they cup both of his cheeks, one of his thumbs stroking Taehyung’s cheekbone so gently that he thinks his knees are going to wobble. His eyes flutter closed as the two of them lean in closer, Taehyung feeling his heart speed up in anticipation.

Time-stopping kisses are a cliché that Taehyung has always rolled his eyes at, but now he thinks he understands what all of these people writing about them mean. Jeongguk kisses him with so much longing and love, and forgiveness, and Taehyung doesn’t know what to do with himself. He presses himself closer to Jeongguk, crumbling a little when one of Jeongguk’s hands lets go of his cheek to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. And Taehyung, who has never wanted anything as badly as he wants love, feels himself burst. He finds it hard to believe someone has ever loved like he loves Jeongguk.

Love is big, and love is grand, and love is complex. But sometimes, love can be simple, too. It doesn’t have to be much more than two boys kissing in an almost-empty park, with a pink sky behind them.

⨳

Jeongguk holds Taehyung’s bag during their way back to his apartment, both on the metro and as they walk around the streets of Paris. They don’t talk too much during that time, and not about anything too important—just little anecdotes about their respective trips here, or about how their days in Paris have been. Jeongguk confesses he didn’t do much yesterday as he was feeling nervous about the whole going to Taehyung’s hotel thing, but he did force himself to visit the Eiffel Tower.

“I’ll be your guide for the rest of the week, then,” Taehyung tells him. Jeongguk laughs. “I’ll make you fall in love with Paris the same way I do.”

Jeongguk just laughs about it, not saying anything in response. He squeezes Taehyung’s hand, which is more than enough.

They eventually make their way to Taehyung’s hotel, when it’s almost dark out. The receptionist, the same girl who was there the previous evening, looks confused at the two of them as they strut into the reception together. No wonder why; Taehyung just told her yesterday not to get more messages from Jeongguk, yet today he walks in holding his hand. A bit confusing, to say the least.

“Your hotel is much nicer than mine,” Jeongguk observes as they step into the elevator. “I saw the view from your room on Instagram the other day. I can only see an alley.”

“You should just come stay here. We can pick up your stuff later,” Taehyung suggests.

Jeongguk sends him a look. “We haven’t even had the talk yet, but you’re already assuming everything is gonna be cleared up and we’re gonna be fine,” Jeongguk points out, seemingly amused.

“I just have a lot of faith in our ability to fix things,” Taehyung tells him. Jeongguk raises an eyebrow. “Even if we’ve been doing an awful job so far.”

The two of them get a little sidetracked when they first arrive at Taehyung’s room, with Jeongguk being nosy and looking around Taehyung’s hotel room as soon as he’s in. They quickly get back to what they need to do—talk. The two of them sit on the bed, facing each other, and get ready for the dreaded talk.

“So…” Taehyung starts, unsure about where to start. “Where to begin?”

“From what unchained it all,” Jeongguk says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Taehyung looks at him, waiting for him to add something else. “My reaction to the thing with your dad.”

“Oh,” Taehyung says. He has, of course, not forgotten about that. The lack of support that he got from Jeongguk that day, as well as the day he visited his parents and found Jeongguk there, has been nagging him. But the truth is that, ever since his father visited and told him a little more about the other side, Taehyung has been feeling a little better—not as bad?—about it. “That.”

“Yeah, that,” Jeongguk says, then sighs. “I… I don’t even know how to begin. First of all, I want to say I’m sorry. I know I was being too rational and looking at the whole situation too coldly. It’s just—it’s frustrating to me to be stuck in between your dad and you. I love you, and I support you, and I know in that moment I wasn’t there for you and I didn’t act like I had your back. I was trying to stay neutral in order to try to mediate, but instead I made you feel like you didn’t have my support. And that’s not what I meant.”

“My dad told me you’ve also been giving him shit about it since it happened,” Taehyung tells him. Jeongguk clicks his tongue. “I believe you were trying to stay neutral because I can see how awkward it is. But yeah, it just came out like… yeah.”

“Your dad has been very important to me, as well,” Jeongguk explains. “I look up to him and I see him as a mentor. He’s taught me so much. And… you know how things are with my dad. I won’t say I see your dad as mine, because I don’t, but he’s become someone that I admire and that I see as a role model. The closest thing I have to a fatherly figure right now, you know?”

“I understand,” Taehyung says, with a nod. “I never wanted to make you feel like you had to choose.”

“It’s not about that,” Jeongguk clarifies. “I’d always choose you. I always choose you. You’re the person I am in love with. If I had to choose anyone, it’d always be you,” he says. “I thought… I thought maybe I could help make you see the situation from his point of view, and then make him see the situation from your point of view. He’s very rational, and you’re very emotional, and it’s so hard for you to see eye to eye on some things. I know you’ve discussed all of this with him, so that’s… that’s good. It’s just—I want you to know that it was never my intention to side with him. It wasn’t even my intention to stay neutral in order to not get into trouble with either of you. I just wanted to, somehow, help the two of you talk about this and understand each other. Since I get along with both.”

“That’s—that makes a lot of sense, yeah,” Taehyung says, looking down at his palms. He considers himself an emotional person, yes, but with this topic more than with any other. Like Jeongguk said, neither of those days he was willing to look at things rationally. “I understand.”

“I should have seen that what you needed at first was to feel comforted, and understood,” Jeongguk adds. Taehyung looks at him again. “I needed to give you reassurance and support first, and maybe later try to make you see the other side. I’m really sorry. I fucked up there.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay, I forgive you, I should have acted differently, too,” Taehyung says, shrugging his shoulders. “I should have been able to calm myself down and control my emotions.”

“I like that you’re emotional, though,” Jeongguk says.

“Yeah, but I should… try not to act so much on impulse,” Taehyung says, feeling ready to move on to the next part of it now that’s been cleared up. He gets where Jeongguk is coming from, and he forgives him. Now it’s his turn to apologize. “That’s why we’re here, after all.”

“You mean in Paris?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I mean in Paris,” Taehyung replies. “I booked the tickets after that night I went to my parents’ and you were there. I was—I was feeling so upset and hopeless, Gukkie. Because I felt like to my father you were everything he wished I was, and that to you I was just a second and that my dad was your priority and you’d always have his back and not mine. I realize I should have taken a moment to talk to you both there, and that I should have taken the whole night to clear my mind instead of booking plane tickets and running away from my problems. I’m not a child anymore. I need to confront things.”

“You’re not a child,” Jeongguk tells him, reaching for Taehyung’s knee and giving it a light squeeze. “And you’re confronting things. You aren’t running away. You’re coming back.”

“I felt like I had to get away from there. I felt like I had to put distance between me and my problems to be able to look at things with perspective, without letting all of my emotions trouble my judgment,” Taehyung explains, putting it down into words as well as he can manage. “And that’s not good, Gukkie. It’s not a good coping mechanism. Getting on a plane and delaying dealing with things is not the way to go.”

“You’re incorrigible,” Jeongguk says then, tone joke-y and lighthearted. Taehyung clicks his tongue. “We’ll work on that, okay? I agree it’s a very extreme reaction, but I also know that for you it was a very extreme situation.”

“I just don’t want you to think that I was abandoning you again,” Taehyung says, eyes flickering down and away from Jeongguk. For a moment, the two of them are quiet. “I was screaming at myself to be brave and talk to you, but I couldn’t do it. I was so scared of losing you, but I wasn’t doing anything to help myself either.”

“That’s the thing with complications of the heart, hyung,” Jeongguk tells him. Taehyung looks up at him again, eyes silently inquiring. “They’re never easy to solve, are they?”

“No. No, they’re not,” Taehyung says, voice going down to almost a mumble. “Did you… did you think I was leaving for good again?”

“I didn’t think you would. I knew you’d come back, and rationally speaking, I knew that you’d also come back to me. I knew we wouldn’t be done without a conversation, at least,” Jeongguk says. Taehyung nods, urging him to continue as he feels like there’s more to be said. “But, at the same time… There’s always the fear, you know? I knew it wouldn’t happen, but on Saturday I was lying in bed and I wondered, what if? And that’s how and when I decided I had to come to you. Because what if you didn’t come to me?”

“I was coming back,” Taehyung replies, still whispering. “I’m coming back.”

“I know. I know you are, Tae,” Jeongguk tells him, gently.

Taehyung inhales shakily. “Will you forgive me? For going away and not dealing with things like I should have? I’m so, so sorry, Jeongguk. I know all of the pain me doing this the first time caused you. I should have known better.”

“Of course I forgive you. Hey—come here,” Jeongguk says, stretching an arm and offering Taehyung a hug. “You’re gonna make me cry. Of course I forgive you.”

Taehyung laughs a little, but it comes out strained as he also feels like he’s about to cry. He hugs Jeongguk, his arms curling around the younger’s waist as he lets his head rest against his shoulder. Jeongguk kisses the crown of his head lovingly, his arm wrapping around Taehyung’s shoulders.

“I really do love you so much,” Taehyung tells him, muffled against Jeongguk’s shirt. “When I think of home, I think of you. I don’t know where to come back to, if not to you.”

Jeongguk shushes him, dropping another peck against Taehyung’s hair, softly. The two of them stay in silence for a moment, Taehyung closing his eyes and listening to the steadiness of Jeongguk’s heartbeat. It’s a good contrast to Taehyung’s own, as he feels like he's been speeding and skipping beats ever since he saw Jeongguk at the park.

“There’s something else I want to tell you,” Jeongguk says then, interrupting the quiet. Taehyung doesn’t move, but he does blink his eyes open as he hums inquiringly. “I want to tell you why I changed my mind about what I wanted to do. Why did I take Law.”

“Oh,” Taehyung says. When he first came back, he used to wonder a lot about that. He felt like Jeongguk did it to steal his life’s plan from him, but now he realizes how fucking stupid that sounds. So stupid and unlike Jeongguk. He stopped wondering about it eventually, but the truth is that the doubt is still there, in his mind. “Why did you?”

“My dad said film wasn’t a career. He said it was a hobby,” Jeongguk explained then. “I thought—I thought that maybe if I studied something that he did consider a career maybe then he’d care about me. Maybe he’d feel proud, and he’d want to be home, or… give a shit about me. I could study Law, and have a 'real' career, and still do filming as a hobby.”

“And I’m guessing it didn’t work out,” Taehyung says. From where he’s laying his head on Jeongguk, he can feel Jeongguk’s Adam’s apple bob down as he swallows thickly.

“Of course it didn’t work out. My dad never cared for me or my mom, not because I wanted to do Filmography or because we weren’t enough for him,” Jeongguk says. “My dad never cared about us because he was a piece of shit. And coming to that realization, that it was on him and not on us, is the hardest yet most rewarding thing I’ve done in my life.”

“That makes me so proud to hear,” Taehyung says, pulling back so he can look Jeongguk in the eye. “You should have told me, Gukkie.”

“I didn’t want to get your sympathy or anything,” Jeongguk says. Taehyung tilts his head. “And when—when I was looking for an internship and I found your dad’s firm, I thought it was kind of… destiny? On one hand, because I thought maybe it’d be easier for me to get in since he knew me, and because his firm is so prestigious. But also… Well, it was also a way to be closer to you. Being closer to your family.”

“To be closer to me?” Taehyung asks, shocked. Jeongguk nods. “You started working for him to be closer to me?”

“It’s not the only reason but it’s part of it, yeah,” Jeongguk admits. “I’ve always been so lamely in love, Taehyung.”

Upon hearing that Taehyung can’t help but laugh, leaning closer and pulling Jeongguk into a hug. Jeongguk buries his face in the curve of Taehyung’s neck, his breath lightly tickling Taehyung’s skin.

“I’m so lonely in love with you, luckily for you,” he says. Jeongguk hums against his collarbone. “I have so much to make up to you.”

“You have time,” Jeongguk tells him, his lips moving against Taehyung’s clavicle.

“I do,” Taehyung says, threading his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair and massaging his scalp. He then adds, “How about I start today, then?”

“What do you mean?”

“You should let me take you out on a date,” he suggests. That makes Jeongguk pull away from the hug, arching an eyebrow at Taehyung. “A dinner date.”

Jeongguk doesn’t reply for a moment, just holding Taehyung’s gaze wordlessly for a few seconds. Despite that, not for an instant does Taehyung believe that Jeongguk will turn him down; he already knows the answer.

“Deal.”

⨳

Going out for dinner with Jeongguk: done. Duh. Taehyung accomplished that long ago when he was merely a teenager.

Going out for a fancy, romantic dinner with Jeongguk: done, as well. During the past few months, after they learned to be around each other again, Taehyung and Jeongguk went out for dinner to nice places countless times. They haven't discussed it but, to Taehyung, it felt romantic.

Going out for a fancy, romantic dinner with Jeongguk in Paris: now, accomplished as well. Taehyung doesn't mean to flex or anything, but this one makes him feel pretty special. He knows, for a fact, that no one else has done this before. And if things work out between them in the way that Taehyung hopes they do, then no one else will.

“It's so nice here,” Jeongguk tells him, looking around himself in wonder. Even if it's dark now it's still warm, so they are on the terrace of a restaurant having dinner. Right across from Jeongguk, so behind Taehyung, there is a perfect view of the Eiffel Tower and its night lights. Taehyung doesn't bother to check behind himself, though—he'd rather look at Jeongguk. “I can't believe I'm here with you.”

Something that Taehyung has noticed, even as the two of them walked back from the park and towards Taehyung's hotel, is that Jeongguk is just... so, so excited. He's never been to France, or even to Europe, so there are stars in his eyes as he looks around himself in wonder. Taehyung can't help but feel terribly envious of Jeongguk's reaction; it makes him want to reach forward, cup his cheeks and kiss him stupid. Until the two of them are out of breath.

“I can't either,” Taehyung says, honestly. The last thing he was expecting was for Jeongguk to appear here, so he'd say his mind is rather blown. “I'm so happy, though. I really missed you.”

“I'm glad you did. I also missed you a lot,” Jeongguk says, allowing Taehyung's hand to cover his top of the table. A tiny, crooked grin makes its way to Jeongguk's face then, as he says, “It feels kind of wild to be out here on a date, doesn't it?”

Taehyung frowns a little. “Kind of wild, how?” he asks.

“Like, wouldn't this be our first proper date?”

“What—no!” Taehyung denies. “We've been on dates before. What do you mean?”

“Not official dates,” Jeongguk retorted.

“They were dates! Remember that day in IKEA? That was a date,” Taehyung offers.

“We argued that day.”

“And? Dates can go wrong, too,” Taehyung offers. Jeongguk doesn't look too convinced. “And that one day I took you to the manga shop. Or when we picked Tannie up. Oh, oh! And the day with the Bluetooth vibrator? That was a date. I wouldn't have let you do that to me if it weren't a date.”

Jeongguk laughs at that, eyes crinkling as he moves his thumb so he can gently caress Taehyung's index finger. There is something about Jeongguk's hands that makes them so mesmerizing to Taehyung—they're big, even though not as much as Taehyung's own. His fingers aren't as long, but his knuckles are wide and knobby, and Taehyung sometimes keeps himself busy playing with them, pressing the pads of his fingers against them. Not the most entertaining thing ever, no, but he just likes to have an excuse to touch Jeongguk.

“Just say you want them to be dates, hyung,” Jeongguk says, eventually.

“I want them to be dates,” Taehyung admits, shamelessly. Jeongguk cutely smiles at that, his pink lips stretching into a small grin as his teeth peek through. “I always thought of them as dates, at least.”

“Well, I always wished they were,” Jeongguk says in return. He takes that as his chance to move his hand, taking Taehyung's fingers in between his own and his thumb. His eyes are on Taehyung's as he says, “Ever since the very start, when we were just hooking up without anyone else knowing, I wanted us to be more.”

“More?” Taehyung asks, feeling butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

“More. At first I told myself I could be casual with you, but that didn't last long,” Jeongguk admits. Taehyung stays quiet, nodding and inviting Jeongguk to continue. “Kind of hard to do when I was in love with you for years. Probably still was in love with you even if you were half the world away from me.”

“You're right. You should have seen that one coming,” Taehyung replies, teasingly. He's smiling so wide that Jeongguk can see right through the nonchalance, though. “And now?”

“Now, I'm still as sickly in love with you as I've always been, and I have realized there is nothing casual about this or about how I feel about you,” Jeongguk confesses.

The two of them look at each other in silence for a couple of seconds, but it's not uncomfortable.

“We should have done this a long time ago, shouldn't we?”

“We should have, yeah,” Jeongguk admits, his voice lowering slightly. “But it's not too late to do it now.”

“I want to be with you,” Taehyung says, then. He doesn't blurt it out—it's collected, calm. It's something he's thought about not only for these last couple of days but also the weeks prior. “I want to be with you. I want us to have a relationship.”

“You want us to be boyfriends?” Jeongguk asks.

“Yes,” Taehyung replies, not missing a beat. “That's exactly what I want. And I want everyone to know how in love I am with you, and how happy you make me.”

Jeongguk looks down at their linked hands for a moment, bashful. His cheeks are rosy and his smile is wide—he's cheesing. For the second time in the span of a few minutes, Taehyung wants nothing more than to kiss the living daylights out of him.

“Let's be boyfriends,” Jeongguk says then, again looking up at Taehyung. “Let's be boyfriends. I'd like nothing more.”

Taehyung smiles, only then realizing that without meaning to, his index and thumb have slid down Jeongguk's ring finger, finding their way to the second knuckle. His boyfriend's second knuckle. Taehyung gives a light squeeze.

When Taehyung confessed to Jeongguk that he loved him, he said something that stuck with Taehyung. He said he loved Taehyung yesterday, that he loved him today and that he'd love him tomorrow. He said that he thought he'd love Taehyung for life.

“For life?” Taehyung asks, Jeongguk's words running around his mind as he does so.

Jeongguk's expression softens as he looks at Taehyung. He curls the fingers in the hand Taehyung is holding, locking them together.

“For life.”

⨳

There are some things that you never fully grow accustomed to, or even if you do, they never fail to make you feel the same way they did the very first time. Taehyung thinks that each and every press of Jeongguk’s lips against his mouth makes his stomach drop in the same way that it happened the first time, freefall; every kiss leaves him burning with need, longing for more.

How many times has he found himself tangled in Jeongguk’s sheets? How many times has he felt Jeongguk’s hands drag down the sides of his ribs, raising goosebumps in their wake? Taehyung doesn’t think he’s ever felt anything as remotely exhilarating as the feeling of Jeongguk undressing him; it never gets old or tiring, it never turns humdrum no matter how much they do it.

Taehyung knew when he invited Jeongguk over to stay the night at his hotel room that they’d find each other like this, once again. Perhaps that’s exactly why he invited him—because he wanted this. Because he missed it, missed having Jeongguk like this so terribly.

It starts with Jeongguk gently pressing him against the closed door once they’re back, giving Taehyung the sweetest, most wicked smile he’s ever had the pleasure to be on the receiving end of. He swallows down, letting Jeongguk slowly lean in closer to him, their breaths intermingling. Taehyung’s lips are parted and waiting by the time Jeongguk’s sweet, sweet mouth collides with his, kissing him slowly.

Jeongguk takes his time stripping him down, his hands steadily freeing each of the buttons of Taehyung’s shirt. Taehyung can’t help but gasp against his lips once the piece of clothing is off his body, as Jeongguk reaches forward and touches his side, blunt fingernails dragging against his skin.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung whispers against his mouth, the sound swallowed against Jeongguk’s lips as he steals another kiss. Is it really stealing if Taehyung is offering all of them, though? “Jeongguk, you should take me to bed.”

“Come here,” Jeongguk tells him then, wrapping his arm around Taehyung’s waist to press him closer to him. It’s only the second time Jeongguk’s been in his hotel room, yet he still guides them to Taehyung’s bed as their mouths press against each other again. “Just don’t stop kissing me.”

And, god—they don’t. Taehyung lies down on the bed, thighs parted and making space for Jeongguk to settle between them, and they don’t stop kissing for the entire night. They have no reason to rush, so by the time Taehyung manages to get rid of Jeongguk’s shirt both their lips are red and swollen. He lets his hands slide down Jeongguk’s body, all the way from the curve of his shoulders to the front of his abdomen. It makes Jeongguk let out a soft whine, the sound making Taehyung’s fingers curl against Jeongguk’s bare skin. Taehyung just wants to touch, touch, touch; feel Jeongguk right on top of him, feel the softness of his skin and the warmth of his body.

They have all night. Maybe that’s why they take their sweet time undressing each other, kissing and rolling on the bed until Taehyung feels like he’s drowning. Jeongguk drags the tips of his fingers down his arms slowly, so slowly, and even if it seems like the most innocent gesture, it makes something akin to want and desire bubble in the pit of Taehyung’s stomach.

“I want you so bad,” Taehyung says then, words whispered right against Jeongguk’s ear that he was kissing. “I love you so much.”

Upon hearing that, the pads of Jeongguk’s fingers dig softly into the skin of Taehyung’s hips. He sighs, shifts until he can catch Taehyung’s mouth in yet another kiss. It’s deep but slow. It’s not greedy: it’s intimate, and there’s nothing that Taehyung likes more than that.

He packed the lube on accident because it was already at the bottom of his liquids bag and he didn’t remember to get rid of it before. It comes in handy as Jeongguk fingers him that night, forehead buried in the curve of Taehyung’s neck as he works his fingers inside of him at a slow pace. Taehyung bites down on his bottom lip, quieting himself down as one of his hand’s threads itself in Jeongguk’s dark hair.

Just like Taehyung could never grow used to the feeling of Jeongguk’s lips on his, he’ll never grow used to the feeling of him sliding inside of him. It makes Taehyung’s back arch against the mattress, almost as if his body was aching to be impossibly closer to Jeongguk.

“Fuck,” Jeongguk pants then, the words exhaled right against Taehyung’s parted lips. Taehyung lets out another gasp, his body adjusting to the feeling with each and every jerk of Jeongguk’s hips.

“Closer,” Taehyung implores, at the time his hands find their way to Jeongguk’s shoulders. He loves nothing more than to touch him at times like this, when he towers over his body as he drives his hips into him. It makes low moans grow in his throat, threatening to spill past his tongue with each thrust Jeongguk gives him.

Jeongguk goes slow, rolling his hips into Taehyung in a way that has Taehyung quivering. He can’t help but dig his nails into the skin of Jeongguk’s shoulders, at the same time wanton, hushed moans fall from his mouth.

“So good,” Jeongguk whispers against his skin, the praise sweet and sticky. “Love you so much, Tae.”

And Taehyung doesn’t think he’s ever liked to be touched as much as he does when it’s Jeongguk’s hands on him. When they wander down his legs, feeling up the back of his thighs as Taehyung wraps them tight around Jeongguk’s waist. He’s thrusting right against the right spot now, hips incessant as Taehyung moans in his ear, right there, just like that, more, more, more. Climax starts to build deep within him, and Taehyung finds himself closer and closer to release each and every time Jeongguk’s body meets his own.

“Fuck, yes,” Taehyung cries out, taking a sharp breath. He lets Jeongguk know, telling him, “I’m gonna come. I’m gonna—nhg, Jeongguk.”

“I know,” Jeongguk tells him, voice airy and breathy as Taehyung’s legs tighten around his body. One of his hands leaves Taehyung’s thighs then, moving to his face and tenderly brushing his bangs away from his forehead, “Come on, hyung. Come all over yourself for me.”

Jeongguk’s words make Taehyung feel euphoric, but also incredibly loved up. His body shakes as Jeongguk’s eyes meet his once again, and fuck. His entire body tenses as he comes, legs and arms and everything tightening around Jeongguk as he lets out a low cry of his name. Jeongguk dives down then, kissing him again and quieting down Taehyung’s pleas. He keeps fucking him as he comes, and it’s not too long until he reaches his orgasm as well; his lips are parted right against Taehyung’s as he does so, not quite kissing but letting out a moan into his lips. Taehyung pants, scratching Jeongguk’s shoulders as oversensitivity gets the best of him.

“I love you so much, fuck,” Taehyung says with a pant. He lolls his head back against the pillow, holding back a sound as Jeongguk slides out of him.

“As I love you,” Jeongguk says, ducking down and kissing the corner of Taehyung’s mouth. Before he can pull away, Taehyung reaches up and cups the back of his head, pulling him in for a longer, lingering kiss. Once they pull back, Jeongguk adds, “So, so much.”

They’re both quiet for a moment after that, with Jeongguk lying on the bed next to him and just staring. Taehyung rolls to his side, giving Jeongguk a coy look as he asks, “What you staring out, huh?”

“I was just thinking ‘bout you,” Jeongguk replies, words a little slurred against each other. Taehyung raises an eyebrow. “We’re here. I’m excited to be here with you.”

“I’m excited that you’re here,” Taehyung says, wriggling closer. Jeongguk happily takes him in, draping one arm over Taehyung’s waist as Taehyung tangles their legs together. “We can go to all of the cheesy couple spots.”

“Really?” Jeongguk asks, laughing a little. Taehyung hums, in confirmation. “Anything in mind then, pretty?”

“I was thinking about something—I even wanted to do it by myself, but I forgot you can’t anymore,” Taehyung says, earning himself a confused look from Jeongguk. “Do you know that bridge with the locks?”

“I’ve heard about it, yeah,” Jeongguk says, his finger distractedly drawing spirals on the naked skin of Taehyung’s small back. “Why? Do you want us to go there?”

“They don’t allow locks anymore,” Taehyung says, with a sigh. “I bought one and all, I was going to write our initials on it and do it myself and then show you, but you can’t put them on the bridge anymore,” he laments. He then notices that Jeongguk is looking at him with an amused half-smile, and so he probes, “What?”

“You’re cute as fuck,” Jeongguk says. Taehyung clicks his tongue, using his left arm to lightly shove Jeongguk, nudging him on the shoulder. “It’s okay. We can still do it somewhere else.”

“Somewhere else?” Taehyung asks.

“Yeah, babe,” Jeongguk replies. He leans a little closer, gives Taehyung’s lips a peck. “Somewhere better. We’ll find the best spot in Paris for the lock. Does that sound good to you?”

Taehyung takes a second to reply; not because he disagrees with the idea, but because heʼs taken aback by the immense wave of love that hits him there. Watching Jeongguk make silly suggestions like this, that they find a random spot that they both like enough to leave their lock there, makes Taehyung remember each and every reason why he’s so deeply in love with him.

“It sounds perfect,” Taehyung says, snuggling closer to Jeongguk. Jeongguk’s body immediately accommodates him, like they were meant to be molded together like this. “Tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow,” Jeongguk repeats.

Taehyung sighs happily, letting himself indulge in the gentle touch of Jeongguk’s hands against the expanse of his back. He looks out at the balcony, his eyes lingering on the sight of the lit up Eiffel Tower for a moment. It can’t be too long until they turn the lights off, since it’s past midnight now, so the two of them better take advantage of the last few minutes of it.

He can’t look at Jeongguk, as he has his chin hooked over the crown of Taehyung’s head as he distractedly looks out of the window as well, but it’s okay. He can hear the steady, calming sound of Jeongguk’s breathing, and that’s all he needs. That, and the feeling of his skin against his.

Taehyung has been to Paris before, but he thinks that being here with Jeongguk will make him fall for it all over again. For the first time, Taehyung understands why Paris is called the city of love.

⨳

Curiously enough, the spot that Taehyung and Jeongguk find for their love lock is far from one of Paris’ most famous, iconic romantic spots, as Taehyung promised Jeongguk he’d show him. He does take him to those, as well, but there never seems to be a place that is good enough for the lock. Either it’s somewhere it will be obviously taken down within days, or it’s somewhere just… not suitable.

Taehyung is starting to lose hope, the padlock and the key still at the very bottom of his bag, untouched, but it’s okay. If not today, then it can be tomorrow. And if not, then they might find a place in Seoul. It upsets him a little, but it’s okay—it’s just a lock.

But then, as they take a stroll down a less touristy, quieter area, Taehyung and Jeongguk find a little park. It’s not the Luxembourg Gardens, but it’s cute; there’s a little pond (no fish or little ducks around, but still cute enough), Taehyung spots a little squirrel running around, and he takes a few cute pics of Jeongguk, both on his film camera and on his Polaroid. He’s in the midst of doing that, trying to capture another picture of Jeongguk, when the other moves. Well, fuck.

“Jeongguk!” Taehyung complains, taking the camera away from his face.

“What? Oh, sorry,” Jeongguk says, realizing that he’s made Taehyung miss the shot. Taehyung just has his lips out in a pout, but Jeongguk isn’t looking at him; he’s walking away from him, seemingly mesmerized by something. “Look, Tae.”

“Look at what?” Taehyung says, turning around a little. He tries to find what Jeongguk is looking at, but he sees nothing. Just a couple of trees, and then the ends of the park, delimited by a wire fence—oh. The fence.

He jogs a little to catch up with Jeongguk, who is almost by it. The branches of the trees and the bushes around them almost covered the fence completely, probably intentional to preserve the beauty of the park, so Taehyung didn’t spot it right away. The two of them stare at it wordlessly for a couple of seconds, before Jeongguk speaks.

“Should we?” he asks.

“I think we should,” Taehyung replies. Jeongguk gives him a look, and so Taehyung adds, “Do I get the lock?”

“Yes, please,” Jeongguk says. Taehyung passes him the camera he had in his hands, rummaging inside his hand as he looks for the padlock and its key. This morning, before leaving, the two of them took care of decorating it; Taehyung wrote JJK KTH on it, and then Jeongguk added as many love hearts as he could fit. On both sides. “You can put it on the fence. We can throw the key into the pond after.”

“Okay,” Taehyung says, smiling a little to himself. “Let me do that, then.”

His hands are a little shaky as he does it, which is stupid to say because it’s not like he’s nervous. He’s just excited. He brings the lock to the fence, opening it with the key before hanging it from one of the diamond-shaped openings. His heart does a pirouette as he locks the padlock in place, the clicking sound making him happier than he ever thought something like this would make him.

Taehyung giggles when he feels Jeongguk peck his cheek suddenly, then the spot behind his ear, then the junction between his ear and neck. He takes his camera back from Jeongguk and takes a picture of the lock; he hopes it will stay here for a while, but if not, they’ll always have the picture. After that, the two of them walk to the edge of the pond, Jeongguk taking the key in his hand as Taehyung films him on his phone.

“Jeonggukie, what are you doing?” Taehyung asks.

Jeongguk looks at him, then at the camera and smiles a little. “It’s an act of love,” he says, looking straight into the lens.

“An act of love for who?”

“For my boyfriend, of course,” Jeongguk says. He kisses the tips of two of his fingers, almost touching the camera as he says, “Taehyungie-hyung, I love you.”

Taehyung laughs then, all the while Jeongguk raises his arm over his head and then throws the key into the pond, ripples appearing in the water where the key fell. When he looks at Jeongguk again he sees him wiggling his eyebrows at him, as if saying see?

And, well, maybe Jeongguk is a little bit ridiculous sometimes, a bit of a clown. Maybe he knows exactly how to get on Taehyung’s nerves, even if it’s with the intention of just teasing him. But he’s also the gentlest, goofiest and most loving person Taehyung knows. He has the biggest heart, and just seeing him smile at him like this makes Taehyung want to eat his entire face with kisses.

So that’s what Taehyung does. He ends the video, shoves his phone in his pocket and launches himself at Jeongguk who, as always, is ready to catch him. As he peppers kisses all over Jeongguk’s face, from his chin to his forehead and goes all over his cheeks, it occurs to Taehyung that this is what actual happiness must feel like.

During all of his life, Taehyung has thought that he had everything. That’s what he was always told, although sometimes he felt like there was something missing; there wasn’t that spark that made him feel like there were stars inside of him, that proved to him that unconditional happiness is not something that exists only in the movies, but also in real life.

Things have changed now, though. Because looking at Jeongguk, or even just being in his presence, Taehyung thinks that now he understands that feeling. And maybe now, after searching for twenty-five years and in two different continents, Taehyung really does have it all.