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The rhythm of healing

Summary:

Brendon was just an 18-year-old boy who seemed to like dancing since he was a toddler.
He always danced like nobody could, and it was the beginning of all his problems. He was hated by the other dancers.
His great abilities led a great, known musician to his studio, who had a weird request for him: he wanted Brendon dance for him while he played the piano.

Notes:

Hi, and thanks for reading my work!
I just wanted to inform you that this isn't the only chapter and that there will be more coming, I hope soon.
I've been working on the other chapters since this came out, and I sincerely hope you'll like it as much as me.

Work Text:

"Brendon, are you ok?" She asked while looking down at him.

"Yeah, it's just this dance- it's hard." He put his hand on his face, laying flat on the linoleum floor, sighing loudly. It was hard even for him to keep up the pace.

"I know but, you must try your best if we want to win" She offered him a hand to get up.

"Don't wanna. I know for sure I'll mess up in the first round and lose, so why try?" Brendon muttered as he took her hand trying to get back on his feet, ready again to get back into place to dance again to that same song for the sixth time already.

"Urie you're the best dancer I've ever had the chance to have, don't you say that. We only have fifteen minutes left so, give it all yourself. I know you can do this."

"Alright Sarah. Thanks for the support either way-" He shut up as soon as he heard the first notes of the song; he was starting to get annoyed, he began to hate the rhythm, the beats, everything, he was slowly repelling the music but he'd be lying if he said that that song wasn't carved in his brain, his skin, his whole body.

Brendon danced as Sarah counted rhythmically from one to four all over, while he kept this focused look on his face as he looked at his arms and legs in the mirror in front of him as he spun closer to it, smiling in the reflection as he's never made it that far before. As he's getting closer to the end, moving backwards from where he was ready to turn left and then get down on his knees for the final step, he trips in the air, in nothing, slamming face-first into the linoleum floor, sitting right up holding his nose for dear life.

"Shit Brendon you're bleeding like crazy, I'm going to grab some tissues- don't tilt your head back like that!"

Brendon just nodded and looked at himself in the mirror, sniffing and sighing at the image he was faced with, on the floor, sweating and bleeding because he couldn't even do the thing he's supposed to be good at, the thing he's supposed to love most. And why? Maybe because he was an idiot who will never make it far, or maybe because he's just an idiot for trying. 

Sarah came back with a box of tissues, where she kneeled and made him put away his hands while she softly cleaned his nose and hands from the blood.

She was one of the prettiest girls Brendon had ever looked at. She had big blue eyes, brown silky hair, and a smile that could knock you out. She always wore a lovely scarf around her neck in autumn, and she always wore the same strawberry fragrance to dance classes.

"I can do it myself"

"Don't you ever shut up? I'm done anyway, you can go and wash your face, and after that, you can go home. We'll try again, you were amazing and almost made it to the very end, I know you'll make it next time."

She got up from where she was and smiled, he was really lucky to have her, she was so beautiful he could stare for hours. But that was not the case.

"Yeah, sure 'mom'" Brendon scoffed as he got up to go wash up, looking in the tiny bathroom mirror above the sink, gazing at the ugly red face covered in spots of blood. A couple of questions started to form in his head and soon his mind was crowded. What was wrong with that body? With him? And why him?

He just waited a couple of minutes until the bleeding completely stopped to get the hell out, took his clothes and got changed in the fitting rooms. Brendon always made sure to check himself out in those wacky mirrors, never ever has he liked the figures that were reflected.

He put a black turtleneck on. It was autumn and it felt like it was December already. He was tired, and all he wanted to hear at that moment was the truth. "Was I really that good, Sarah?" In his little moment of weakness, he let out a question he always kept to himself, he never wanted anyone, -especially Sarah- to know how much insecure he really was. They kept telling him he was awesome but never did anyone looked in his eyes while saying it.

"Of course you were- you were great, but try again at home and never lose hope, okay? See you on Wednesday then!" She rushed the words out of her mouth and waved him goodbye, and a mixture of dejected and ashamed looks formed on his face as he turned his back at her walking rapidly towards the exit, being grabbed from the side once he stepped foot outside.

"Do it again and I'll murder you, you useless fuck"

"Yo, you're the one who's already ten minutes late and you knew we had to get ready!"

"Well, sorry to disappoint you too, I fell and almost broke my nose so sorry for the trouble!" He was worn out and scoffed as he frantically took Spencer's hand off of him starting to walk home. Brendon knew that they had plans but what if he slammed his head and passed out? He shouldn't have gotten this angry, he already knew that sometimes it took him a little longer to get out because of practice for the competition and therefore he could not rely on what time he agreed to.

Brendon looked over to watch as his lips moved, and— his lips were moving? He was talking!

"... I mean he had no right to put me through hell for just a missed homework but I'll get my revenge soon."

"What." There was no question, he was so deep in his thoughts that he had to probably remember his name.

"Mr Charlwood, Urie, Mr Char- you know? The bastard who always gives you double homework for talking in his class? Telling you something familiar?"

"Oh yeah sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Did you do it yet?"

"Like shit, I have" Spencer pouted as Brendon reached for his house keys in his pockets. Once they were in, he crashed on the couch and screamed. Just a scream, screamed from the pain, screamed for the mistakes, screams of failure. 

"For the love of God are you okay son?"

Brendon got up from the couch to grab the little tube of pills he set aside before going out, they were his special little pills he took whenever he could sense himself spiralling down. He downed them and spoke in a soft voice "Yeah, so sorry for that. I'm going to get ready"

Spencer raised his eyebrows, confusion on his face. "So why and when you began taking those" Spencer pointed at his pills with his chin as he sat on the floor, with his back to the couch. It was nothing serious really, he just took one every time he felt quite awful. Which was quite often.

"Not feeling good today." He shrugged, laying on the couch again, closing his eyes, the strength to get up and get ready leaving his body.

"No hangout?" Spencer asked in a whisper. Brendon knew he was staring at him, he felt his eyes all over him and he was growing upset. "Nah. But ask John if he wants to come over?"

"You are one lazy hoe." He reached for his phone and gave John a call, to which he agrees and in less than half an hour, he was already at Brendon's, loudly chatting with both of them.

"Yo I'm bored, can we do something?" John asked, getting swatted in the side by Spencer. He didn't know what happened, but Brendon was always grateful when Spence sided with him, he knew he could always count on him. The room fell silent for a second. Brendon flinched as his phone rang, scaring him out of his mind.

He excused himself, and... Sarah was calling? She had never called him before, she only texted him and when she did it was only for the timetable for his dance lessons. He picked up the phone and took it to his ear.

She asked him if he was busy to which in fact, he was not. She was calling about his dance lesson on Wednesday, and he stood up straight, swallowing. He knew what was coming. Faced with silence, Sarah continued to talk.

"I guess you already guessed by now, that someone will be with us that day because they want to see the school and I told them you were the best dancer I got. Of course, I already told them that if you said no I had another girl planned. So? Are you in?"

He felt sick. His head began to spin, he used to practice in front of others but stopped when he couldn't handle others' vile, foul, sickening eyes on him, the only one he learnt to bear was his beloved Sarah's. Brendon looked over to Spencer who put a caring hand on his shoulder, squeezing it softly as he nodded, a reassuring smile on his face. Then he looked at John who was twice as confused, and rolled his eyes jokingly at how oblivious he was as he built up the courage to answer her question. He didn't want to put her down, he knew she was willing to wait a whole year for him to answer, but Brendon was so blue after what had happened before, he was unsure he would make it in front of a person he had never seen before. "Do I have to show them the dance we're practising?"

Brendon could swear he heard Sarah laugh at the question before telling him that of course, they were going to do some old dances he knew at heart. 

He let out a shaky breath and grabbed tight Spencer's hand before speaking up. "Good. I was concerned. It's fine by me, I'll give my best and just hope it goes just fine." Sarah reassured him once again that he had nothing to worry about and thanked him, before hanging up. Brendon was so lucky to have her, and her support.

As soon as Sarah hung up, his mom called him. Since he was a toddler he always had a close relationship with his mom, he loved to spend time with her when she wasn't busy working out of city or just working all day. She was his biggest fan and he was her biggest support. Sure, there were his brothers and sisters too, but they all lived with their spouses or straight out of town, so it was just Brendon and her for, now, a good couple of years. He would've done anything for her. "Mom! You're coming back? Finally! No, with the boys. Ring me up when you're there." Brendon smiled brightly at the phone. He was really happy to be with his mother for at least he hoped two days.

 

It was night, and there was no trace of the two boys, and Brendon was alone. He was still tired, but he wouldn't miss his mom returning for the world and therefore gave all his strength to stay awake. He then thought that he could give her a ring to see how long it was until she arrived but the door opened two seconds into the call.

"Mom!" Brendon hung up and got up to hug her tight and so did she and they kept hugging for a while, then she broke the contact and ruffled his hair, giving him a tired smile.

"How was your day, honey?" She asked while going to the fridge, she looked into it like she knew what she was looking for, and indeed, she pulled out a sandwich she had made two days prior. She knew how to keep her sandwiches fresh. "It was like the others, but with my friends." He said as he sat down at the table next to her. "Sarah was teaching me this new dance, but I fell and hit my nose, it bled for a while and she helped me clean up, then I was okay but I was really disappointed in me and Sarah too for sure and to add up Spencer was disappointed in me too because I took too long to get out and we had to hang out with John but we didn't because of me and so John came here—" She took Brendon's hand and looked him in the eyes. She knew what was going on.

"B, relax, it's alright Mom's here. Did you take those pills again?" She stroked his hand with her thumb, locking her eyes on his, smiling at him. "It's going to be fine. Sometimes we aren't good at the first try and that's okay, sometimes you will fail, others you will win." She brought his hand close to her chest, holding it now in both her hands. "You're the best Brendon, don't let yourself down for a mistake. And, Sarah isn't disappointed in you because she called me and it made my day." She got up to drink and then laid against the counter, still talking to him. Brendon tucked his head into his crossed arms on the table, exhaling hard.

"She told me that for your age, you really are the best dancer she ever had! It's amazing! And then she explained about some guy that's coming to your lesson but, honestly and sorry for the language, I didn't give a shit. I was so proud of my little boy I couldn't care less." She kissed Brendon's forehead, sitting across the table, as they gossiped about her colleagues. It happened very often, they loved to talk about their days and especially, Brendon loved to listen to all the drama she faced, which was far more interesting than his anyway.

In the meantime, Brendon decided to change out of his clothes into his pyjamas, sitting on the couch where his mom decided to go. They kept chatting and laughing for a good hour before his mom got up and stretched, yawning. "Beb, cmon go to sleep, you have school tomorrow. Sorry for keeping you up baby. I'll see you in the morning."

There was no saying when Mom said it was time to sleep, she was a very gentle and caring woman, but she could also break a bone without trying so, you were better off if you did what she demanded. He wasn't going to say no anyway, he was tired and even if he loved being with his mother, he kissed her on the cheek goodnight and went to his room.

He fell asleep as soon as he pulled up the comforter and his head hit the pillow.

The day was draining, and filled with bad emotions, so he was better off in dreamland. But his mind couldn't stop thinking and ruminating about that strange feeling he felt about that guy coming to his lesson.