Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

James feels the aether in his mouth before he can see anything past the hunger, his vision only clearing after he takes long pulls with his mouth. He thinks he’s shaking his head while still having his teeth attached to someone’s neck, trying to get them to stop moving around while never stopping sucking into their vein, but he’s not sure.

The delicious liquid running through his mouth is so good it’s making him delirious, the ecstasy taking over the fire that had been running through his veins. He would do anything to keep drinking it, fight anyone who dared try to stop him. 

James would kill anyone who got close enough. And yet he could feel another warm body by his side, pressing their tongues over his abs, going up his chest until it finally reached his neck.

It feels so good he shudders, with half-lidded eyes, James can barely see anything in front of him, which makes all his other senses sharper. He can taste and feel everything around him in a way that has never happened before. 

James is in heaven. 

He’s sure of it, he remembers there was a hot mouth and sharp teeth against his neck, the pain that just increased the ecstasy that he felt before passing out. There wasn’t any other explanation as to why he woke up to even more pleasure and an increase in all of his senses.

When James finally manages to peel his eyes open, the first thing he notices is that he has perfect vision, he isn’t used to not having the entire world around him blurred when he isn’t wearing his glasses. It’s how he knows something is different with him, besides being overwhelmed about the strength of the smells around him. There is the rich and metallic taste of blood in the air that feels like the best thing James has ever smelled before, it overwhelms his senses, there is too much of it, it’s almost all he can feel.

Except he can catch different hints behind it, there’s a smell of leather and smoke, there was something familiar about it. James picked up on another scent there, one more flowery but just as sharp and at last there was the smell of rain and wood. It smells like home. James knows deep in his soul that it’s where he belongs. 

His eyes are clear, but his mind isn't, his memories are a jumble of mixed moments and emotions. Above all else, he feels hunger. 

The need to consume. 

To satiate the burning feeling in his stomach. 

James sinks his teeth in something soft again, closing his eyes in pleasure as soon as he starts sucking the delicious drink into his mouth, except his teeth feel weird and elongated, they hurt and don’t help when it comes to actually allowing the drink into his mouth making him waste a lot of it as it runs down over his chin and neck.

The warm liquid is being sucked off him by a tongue as vigorous and enthusiastic as James’s as he tries to swallow it all down, his stomach never stops grumbling no matter how much he drinks. 

“James,” he hears someone calling his name. “You’ve got to stop.”

“Jamie,” a softer voice as he feels hands trying to pull him away. James doesn’t even take his mouth long enough to hiss at them, doing it without ever stopping sucking. He wants to go back to heaven.

“Barty, stop encouraging him,” someone demands.

James thinks he fights them, but he never opens his eyes, not when he’s so focused on not letting another drop escape as he shakes them off him. He only has one thing on his mind. 

James' entire world revolves around the liquid flooding his mouth.

He drinks until there’s nothing left, despite the obstacles along his way and yet he feels no satisfaction, trying to pull more into his mouth, but nothing comes. His throat burns when he manages to mutter a whisper, “More.”

And then someone is pulling the body out of his embrace and another warm body is being put in front of him and he’s biting again, a new flow entering his mouth, James has to resist his urge to moan around it.

“You shouldn’t have given him the neck.”

“I can’t believe we’re letting him do this.”

“He’s gonna be miserable once the fog goes out.”

“Then let’s enjoy ourselves while we still can.”

“You’re taking advantage of the situation.”

A snort. “Don’t you remember that the only way to get you to stop going crazy over blood was when I seduced you with something else?”

“Oh, I’d forgotten about that.”

“Funny times.”

“I miss it.”

“Well, we get to recreate it again, so all hands on board.”

James is in a frenzy, someone is licking a trail over his chest while another mouth bites and sucks at the flesh of his inner thigh, making him squirm and hold the body on his arms even harder. He’s sure he’s never felt this good in his life. All James feels is pleasure, the burning being alleviated the longer he drinks and feels his body shivering in pure ecstasy.

When a mouth closes around his cock, he lets out a loud moan, blood dripping down his chin as he throws his head back, and then another mouth is on his. Forcefully holding his chin as they lick the blood, their tongues brushing against each other deliciously.

James shudders, another mouth biting on his nipples hard enough to draw blood, it burns when they suck on it, but then it’s all-consuming pleasure and he feels like he stepped into another dimension as his hips instinctively thrust against the wet heat enveloping his cock.

With half-lidded eyes he can barely see as the person who had been kissing him directs his mouth to another neck pushing his face down until James is biting again, sucking the liquid into his mouth and down his throat. And then he’s been pushed harshly by the back of his neck and an incessant mouth is trying to pry his open, a hand around his cheeks squeezing harshly enough that it forces him to open up.

They’re kissing again, or sharing the goddess's liquid between their mouths, fighting over who gets to swallow it down. Groaning against each other’s mouths as they bite each other’s bottom lip until their blood is mixing with their victim’s, they suck each other’s blood brutally, desperate to taste it amongst all the other liquids being exchanged. When he manages to look down through half-lidded eyes, James can barely discern his hand wrapped around blond hair moving their head up and down on his dick, a full head of luscious dark curls trailing over his abs with their tongue and teeth until finally joining the other one, looking up at him through his eyelashes as he sucks his balls into his mouth.

Both working him to the point where he might collapse into the arms of the one who holds him at this point, there’s a set of sharp teeth against his neck then, biting and sucking as it shoves James's face against the person who he had been drinking from before, now he can recognize it as a women’s neck as he throws the brown hair over her shoulder and sinks his teeth again.

James tethers over the edge all of a sudden, there is no build-up to it, he’d been in a haze over all the different sensations and feelings running through his body. Coming harder than he’s ever done in his life, his body turned boneless as soon as the last drop of cum landed on pretty lips and high cheekbones.

Lucky for him the man with his mouth on James’ neck holds him through it, letting his body rest against the bed he had been holding himself against, his entire body finally relaxing. James barely saw them throwing the woman's lifeless body on the floor as the other three climbed on the bed and curled around him as he drifted off, his eyelids turning heavy and dropping, but not before recognition settled in his mind. Their names came to him in a jumble of memories. Barty. And the sound of strong winds hollowing around him along with the smell of burned flesh. Evan. And the lightning striking in the air, the smell of rain and fresh air. And at last. Regulus. Smelling like midnight and the sea. 

Even when James knew nothing about the world he still had been right in his previous assessment. He was home.

***

James can hear voices around him, except this time he can discern them immediately, his whole body singing in relief the second he recognises them. 

“Let’s get rid of the bodies and clean up before he wakes,” Evan suggests.

“You think he won’t remember?” Regulus asks hopefully.

“One would hope so,” Barty remarked.

“Isn’t that unfair? He deserves to know what happened.” Regulus pointed out.

“I’m not suggesting we lie to him, I just think he shouldn’t see the damage he caused,” Evan said.

“I’m suggesting we lie to him,” and then a smack.

“Let’s just clean up, one way or another we’ll have to.”

The voices are gone again and James's mind drifts off to a world with no sleep and no air, where they float around on a strange red liquid and breathe it as if it were air, consuming it as if it were food.

James's upper body springs out of the bed as he takes a huge gulp of air, his arms moving around as if trying to touch it, to feel if it was real and he was finally alive again. 

“Woah, woah, woah. Easy there, tiger.” Evan pushes him gently back into the bed. “You just got back to the world of the living, let’s not make any harsh movements.”

“Ev,” his voice comes out huskier than he expected.

If James thought Evan looked good before, it is nothing compared to what he can finally see now. His skin shines from the sunlight coming out of the window, the pale shade of his hair contrasting so perfectly with his brown skin and the smell. Oh, the smell is divine. Like running outside in the field without any shoes on. It’s freeing.

“I’m glad you’re back, sweetheart.” Evan gave him a bottle of water, helping him sit up before putting it in his mouth.

“I’m not an invalid,” James says as soon as he’s had enough.

“I know you’re not.”

“Then what’s up with all the fretting?”

“I like taking care of you,” Evan admits.

James smiles, but as soon as his teeth show they brush against his own lips making a small cut and making him wince.

Evan chuckles. “You’ll get used to it, learn how to retract them.”

He grumbles something unintelligible.

“You’re lucky Barty didn’t see that, he’d make fun of you for an eternity.”

It makes James want to cry. He has an eternity with them now. Nothing stopping them from being together forever. 

“Drink some more, it will help make them retract if there’s no blood in your mouth.”

So James opens his mouth and allows Evan to pour the drink into it until his taste buds are clean of blood and his teeth finally go back inside his gums with a wince, he massages his jaw to alleviate the pain.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better now,” he admits. “Where are the others?”

“Taking care of something.” Evan dismisses it with a hand. “Nothing important.”

“Oh, will they be long?”

“Not really, they’ve been gone for a while so I think they’ll be back soon.”

“Good.” James smiles pulling the covers to his neck and settling his back deeper on the bed. “Will you lay with me?” 

Evan wastes no time joining him, James presses his nose against his neck and hums against it. Bathing on the smell of Evan everywhere around him, there’s a lingering taste of Barty and Regulus somewhere on the bed, but James can’t focus on it when he’s overwhelmed by the presence at his side.

When Barty and Regulus finally get home he’s almost drifting off but springs up on the bed as soon as he hears the door opening. This is new, hearing things that are happening on the other side of the apartment, but he can see its advantages and is sure that he’ll get used to it in no time.

“You’re awake,” Regulus says as soon as he sees the two of them sitting in bed waiting for them.

It’s like James is seeing them for the first time all over again, except now he has the advantage of having a better vision and noticing every single detail on their faces, he wants to study them, trail his fingers, lips and teeth all over and get reacquainted with their bodies.

“Hello, love.” James manages to let out, even though his voice sounds choked out, for some reason he’s emotional over seeing them as they truly are for the first time.

“Hey, sunshine.” Barty’s voice is huskier than he remembers, it sends shivers all over his body.

“Where were you?” 

“Nowhere important,” Barty assures him.

“Well, it was important enough for you to leave me here after my transformation.”

Regulus approaches him carefully and kisses James forehead affectionately, it fills his heart with warmth, but it’s not nearly enough to satisfy him, so he tilts his head up to brush their lips together before Regulus can try to step away from him. He tastes even better than James remembered, he can’t help but wonder what other things will taste different now that all his senses have been heightened.

“I missed you.”

“We missed you too.” Barty climbs the bed and shoves himself between Evan and James, putting his arms around both of them as he makes himself comfortable. “Don’t be selfish, Reg,” he complains when neither of them makes a move to break the kiss, only deepening it the longer they go at it. “Leave some for us.”

When Regulus steps away, James can’t stop the whining protest coming out of his lips, thankfully, he comes back groaning against his insistent mouth, his hand closing around James's neck instinctively.

“Fuck, that’s hot.”

Evan is the one who snaps them out of it. “We need to talk.”

James pulls back and frowns at him. “About what?”

“You. How are you feeling? I assume you’ve already started noticing a few differences.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed, but you guys warned me about it all, the increase of all my senses and feelings. But I’ve been overwhelmed over how much I love you for a while, so it doesn’t feel that different, except Evan’s voice does sound deeper and Regulus is softer than what I thought,” he admits all at once.

“What about me?” Barty pouts by his side and James has to restrain his urge to bite his bottom lip and suck it in his mouth.

“Huskier.”

“Huum, sexy.” Barty winks at Regulus.

He rolls his eyes, but James can’t help but agree as he laughs along with Evan, there’s something about it that makes him want to jump his bones.

“Why don’t we test out your new reflexes?” Evan suggests.

“What do you have in mind?” James perks up, immediately interested, he’d been thinking about turning into a vampire for so long that now that he finally has it, he still hasn’t come to terms with the fact that he isn’t a normal human anymore.

“Come on, we’re going for a drive,” Barty says as they stand up from the bed, Regulus gives him his hand like a Victorian gentleman as if James needed it to get out of bed, but it doesn’t stop him from taking it and kissing the back of Regulus’ hand, earning himself a sweet smile and the pleasure of seeing his cheeks turning into a lovely pink.

“Where are we going?” James asks as they start changing.

“Epping forest.” Regulus is the one who answers. “It’s usually where Sirius goes to hunt when he can’t get out of town in time.”

“Oh. We’re not going to kill any animals are we?” James asks apprehensively, he’s gone to that forest before, it’s known for its deer and Bambi has always been one of his favourite movies. He makes a mental note to remind himself to ask Sirius if he ever hunts deer and if he did so to express his wish for him to start avoiding it.

They exchange a look between themselves that James doesn’t quite comprehend. It makes him uneasy, he thought their shared mental connection would start including him now that he’s become one of them. 

James despises feeling out of any type of connection with the people he loves, he can only hope that in a few years, he’ll manage to be in the same place with them as they are with each other, otherwise, he doesn’t think he could bear it to always think like it was the three of them and him just a few inches apart, James aches to erase that space.

“Of course not.” Barty smiles at him reassuringly. “We like hurting animals just as much as you do.”

“Which is not at all.” Regulus makes sure to point out.

It makes Barty laugh. “It was implied.”

“Hum, one can never know when it comes to you.”

Barty mock gasps in offence. “Can’t believe you think I’d do something as cruel as that. It looks like something your brother would do, though.”

He’s already laughing as he runs from Regulus, when they used to move like this all James could see was a blur and then they were gone, but now he can see their forms moving perfectly as Barty keeps going around the counter, cackling loudly until Regulus gets tired of him and slams him into the fridge.

“Stop talking about my brother.”

Barty has an amused grin on his lips, his hair almost as much of a mess as James’s. “Oh, come on. You never cared what I said about him before.”

“That was before we made peace. We’re good now so you need to make an effort to get along with him.”

Barty scrunches his nose. “I’m never getting along with him.”

“I’m not asking you to, just try not to start another fight.”

“Fine,” Barty grumbled.

“I mean it. He was ready to kill you when he found out you bit James to an inch of his life.”

He snorts. “I’d like to see him try.”

“Since we’re talking about Sirius. James,” Evan turns to him with a raised eyebrow. “Did you tell him you were going to ask us to turn you?”

James felt his face getting warmer. Yeah, apparently a few things didn’t go away just because you weren’t a human anymore. “Not really.” He scratches the back of his head. “I mean he knew I was considering it, but I knew he’d be able to talk me out of it or delay it even more if I kept going to him so I might have omitted it.”

Regulus's face turned even paler, Barty laughed in delight, probably anticipating the chaos that was sure to ensue, Evan closed his eyes and threw his head back for a moment as he tried to compose himself.

“It’s fine, we’ll just take Barty out of the room when he sees you.”

“Maybe you too.” Regulus pointed out. “You were the one who turned him, he might turn his anger out on you.”

“Yeah, perhaps it would be safer if it was just you two, he would never hurt Reggie.”

James didn’t understand how they could talk about Sirius like this, his best friend was the best person - vampire, he corrected himself - he had ever known, he couldn’t associate the stories they told about his best friend with the image he had of him. James knew objectively that they had known Sirius far longer than he did, but that didn’t make it easier to accept that they knew him better than he did, matter of fact James didn’t believe that, he knew in his heart that no one got Sirius quite like he did.

“He can’t blame any of you, it was my choice.” James makes sure to state. “It is my choice and I’ll always choose to be with you so he will get over it.”

Barty snorted. “It’s funny how much faith you have in him.”

He shuts up as soon as he sees the glare coming from Regulus and James.

“Sorry,” he raised his hands mockingly. “I forgot I was amongst the Sirius Black defence squad.”

Before they can start an argument James points out, “I should shower before we leave.”

“We cleaned you up,” Barty winks at him.

James looks down at his spotless clothes. “I can tell. But I’d feel better if I did it myself.”

“Do you want any company?” Regulus asks hopefully, however, Evan brings him to a halt by his collar.

“We don’t have the time for that.”

Regulus pouts so James presses their lips together lightly before going to the bathroom. The moment he strips and stares at himself in the mirror James realises nothing about his physical appearance has changed, but some of it has been heightened by his new vision. One of them is the colour of his eyes, which look lighter, more like honey now that it isn’t framed by his glasses, there’s also two teeth marks on his neck, one belonging to the time when Barty almost drained him of his blood and the other one from where Evan actually did. 

There’s another one on his inner thigh belonging to Regulus, who loves nothing more than drinking from James’s thighs and two others by Barty and Evan, above each side of his hip bones. They hadn’t been particularly pleasurable considering there wasn’t a lot of meat to bite there, but James loved how the marks looked on his skin, so he always asked them to drink from there.

Now all he sees is that these bites on his body look like the map of their love for him, of every place where they worshipped him. James trails them with his fingertips, now he has a permanent mark of them engraved on his skin and the thought gives him shivers. He needs to stop thinking about it if he wants to step out of the shower quickly enough for it to still be light outside for them to go to the forest.

When he steps out of the shower with a towel around his hips and another drying his hair, Regulus trails the water drops running down his torso just as hungrily as James once did to him.

Barty’s smile is pure teeth. “Come closer and I’ll suck you dry.”

Evan laughs. “Put on a shirt will you?”

James doesn't mean to distract them, but he’s pleased he still managed to have this effect on them even after years of being together. 

Unfortunately, nothing can come of it now, Evan is determined and pushes him to the door the moment he’s dressed appropriately. “Come on, we’ve delayed our plans enough.”

They don’t comment on it anymore after leaving the apartment, Evan steps behind the wheel and Regulus sits at his side, leaving the back for James and Barty. He closes the space between them as soon as they sit down, putting an arm around him and pulling James at the junction of his arm.

“How are you feeling? Truly?”

“I’m good, promise.”

Barty studied his features carefully. “You’ll tell me in case it changes, yeah? Tell us,” he corrects himself.

“Of course.” James frowned. “Why wouldn’t I tell you?”

Barty didn’t say anything, he just looked away at the scenery they were passing through to get to the west end of the city. “No reason, just trying to make sure you properly adapt to becoming a vampire.”

James grabs his chin and makes him look at him. “I promise.” He pecks him on the lips sweetly. “It’s kinda cute how much you worry about me,” he teased. “Turns out it isn’t just Evan that’s a mother hen.”

“Fuck off.” Barty pushes his face away as James laughs, bringing him back to him to give him a proper apology kiss. Barty wastes no time putting his tongue inside James's mouth and his hand roughly pulling on his hair.

James climbs on his lap at some point, grinding on him as his lips descend to Barty’s throat, his fangs coming out as soon as he starts kissing and sucking on his neck. 

James finally understands what they meant, he feels no hunger when he feels Barty’s vein pulsing against his lips, but for some reason, he wants to sink his teeth into his neck and suck him dry. To have the thing that gives Barty life running inside of his own veins, exchange the blood between them, to have him inside of James as he thrusts inside of him at the same time. Yeah, he can see the appeal of that.

“Oh.” Barty breathes out as soon as he sees the fangs coming out to play. “This is new,” he caresses James' cheek. “I like it.”

“Can I?” James can’t bring himself to say what he wants, but he’s pretty sure Barty got the picture. 

“Whatever you want, sunshine,” he pulled James to him by the hair as he tilted his head to the side to give him permission. “I’m all yours, always.”

James wastes no time sinking his teeth into Barty’s throat. It’s only fair since they’ve been in this position on different sides way too many times. The moment the blood floods his mouth he can’t stop the moan from coming from deep within his throat, Barty rewards him by squeezing his arse with one hand and caressing his thigh with the other, his hand going higher the longer James sucks the blood into his mouth, he’s not very good at it yet but he pays no mind to the blood running down his chin, too lost on the heavenly feel of having a part of Barty inside of him.

Just as he gets more frenzied and buries his face in Barty’s neck in an attempt to get closer, he pushes him out by the hair and licks his own blood out of James's neck, going up his jaw until he finally reaches his mouth. 

The moment the sound of a belt buckle rings around them, Evan snaps sharply from the front. “Oi, no funny business over there, unless you want me to pull over and bend you over the car.”

“Sounds fun.” Barty groans, letting James’s bottom lip out of his mouth with a pop.

Evan laughs. “Not in the way you’d like, love. I’d paint your arse red.”

James can feel his face burning, for a second there he’d forgotten there were more people in the car with them, but now that he’s spatially aware of them, it only makes him hornier, to think about Evan’s eyes on them through the reviewing mirror as Barty holds his face down while James chokes on his cock. He could already see the way Regulus’s grey eyes would turn darker with desire and he’d make that little whining sound he always let out when he was about to hump them, to beg them for their cocks to fill him.

“He definitely deserves it.”

“You’re just jealous I’m the one who got to cum in the back with Jamie.”

Regulus twists his entire body to sneer at him. “You’re jealous I can suck Evan’s cock anytime I want from here,” he reiterated his claim by putting a hand alarmingly close to Evan’s crotch and squeezing his inner thigh.

Barty scoffs. “He wouldn’t let you give him road head.”

“Why not? We’re all vampires now, not like we could get hurt from an accident and he’s got great reflexes.”

James could see the moment Barty admitted his defeat, his shoulders slumping and his bottom lip pushed out in an adorable pout. “Fine, we’re all going to behave in the car.”

“What a good boy you are.” Regulus mocked.

“Fuck off.” Barty turned to the window and crossed his arms when James climbed out of his lap, but he didn’t go far, making sure to put his arms around him until Barty relaxed in his embrace, it always helped when getting him out of one of his moods.

All it took was for Regulus to snog his face off as soon as they left the car for Barty’s smile to come back to his face, he was easy to please like that and Evan and Regulus had centuries of experience dealing with it. James had been with them for five years now, by far his longest relationship, but he knew it had felt like the blink of an eye for them.

Evan parked the furthest he could from everyone else, but it was fairly empty considering it wasn’t the weekend and the weather wasn’t the best to be out for a stroll in the forest. Of course, that wasn't a problem for them, it was weird for James to not feel cold or hot due to the temperature, the only thing that had made him feel hot had been blood and sex so far.

He was also thankful the sun wasn’t out, the minimal light was already making his eyes too sensitive, the pros and the cons of having better eyesight, everything was heightened, including the ones you didn’t wish to see. What he wanted to see was on the other side of him where Regulus was pressing Barty against the car and kissing him like he depended on it to survive.

“All right.” Evan clapped to get their attention, making Regulus finally step back. “We’re here to show James all that he’s capable of doing now and get him used to his new reflexes and strength,” he reminds them. “Wouldn’t want him to break one of Regulus’ precious vases.”

“Yeah, he almost snapped my neck when I broke one of his precious antiques,” Barty said.

Regulus scoffed. “You threw it at my head.”

“Because you were being a cunt over me biting James.”

Regulus laughed in disbelief. “Are you saying you don’t regret it?”

“If it means we’re here now, no I don’t.” he shrugs unapologetically. “I’d do anything to keep you with me,” his eyes narrow dangerously.

James thinks that perhaps he shouldn’t be as elated to hear that as he is, but to know that Barty loves them so much there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to keep them together makes him feel warm and happy. Loved. 

When he sees that Regulus is about to retort James decides to step up, “It’s all good, love,” he placates him by putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing reassuringly. “It happened years ago and we’ve moved past it. Besides,” he turns to Barty. “That was hot as fuck.”

The wicked smile he receives makes his heart skip a beat, Barty wastes no time grabbing James’s face with both hands and kissing him just as fervorous as he did with Regulus before, like Barty was trying to breathe through his mouth, aiming to give him life.

He can hear Evan huffing in the background. “What did I just say? Fuck me.”

Barty pulls back just enough to murmur, “That can be arranged,” against James’s lips. It looks like he’s about to lean in again when Evan steps behind him and puts his arms around Barty’s neck in a sort of hug that looks more like a chokehold. 

“Let’s go,” he starts walking them in the opposite direction to the trails people walk by.

James had envisioned this going rather differently, he thought they’d hold hands while walking around and admiring the scenery, like a romantic getaway even if Evan had said when they were by the car that they were there to teach him how to become a vampire. What he got was a bunch of branches hitting him in the face, sure he could see them coming in his direction after Barty deliberately let them go after he passed by them, he just did it even faster than James could move. Even when he moved fast enough to sidestep it or hit it before it hit him, he still couldn’t control his strength causing the entire branch to fall off and sometimes to hit him on the way down.

Evan only stops when they’re so far into the woods James would get lost in seconds if they left him alone in there. 

“I think we’re far enough.” They form a circle in what feels like a random patch of woods, no more special than any of the others, but just as beautiful as everything else around him, especially now that he could see every detail of the flowers and plants around him, James felt like he’d just stepped into a fantasy movie. “Why don’t you take Barty for a little stroll, Reg?”

“I’m not a bloody dog,” he frowned and crossed his arms, faking offence.

“You have the patience of one.” Regulus teases. “Come on, we all know you want to chase me around.”

Barty’s eyes darkened as he noticed the change in Regulus' voice from teasing to seductive. “What do I get when I find you?”

“Whatever you want,” his smile was so deceivingly sweet it made James want to chase him too, Regulus winked and then he was out in the blink of an eye.

Barty wasted no time running after him, leaving only the speck of dirt he raised and the feel of the wind on James' side from how fast he moved.

“Can I expect to be moving like that once we’re done here?”

Evan smiled at him. “It’ll take a few years, but I’m confident we’ll make good progress today. Enough for you to be able to defend yourself, at least.”

James frowned. “Are there any grave dangers I should be worried about?”

“We do tend to run into a hunter family once or twice a century, but it’s nothing for you to worry about,” Evan assured him. “It's not like we’d ever let you run around defenceless, Barty himself can erase any clan of hunters and just the Black name’s got them running for their lives, every hunter knows not to mess with one of the oldest vampire families.”

James had always felt safe with them and that hadn’t changed after his transformation, but it would be nice to know he was capable of taking care of himself against any threat they might find, especially now that he was a vampire and his strength was supposed to be multiplied.

“Well, a few families do hunt the Blacks for sport and to be able to brag that they murdered one of them, not that they ever managed to, apart from their parents.”

“Oh, hunters killed their parents?”

Evan scratched his neck with uncertainty. “I mean, if you consider Sirius selling their locations and setting them up as the hunters killing them, then yeah sure.”

James's eyes widened. “Sirius did what?” 

This is one of those moments where he can't believe whatever they told him about his best friend. Because what the actual fuck? Sure, Sirius isn't shy about saying how much he hates his family, but this is a step too far, isn't it? Especially for him who can't stand the thought of hurting another human. But well, Sirius has never considered vampires to be humans, he had grown to hate the species and himself because of his parents. 

“Does Regulus know?”

“Yeah, it’s also one of the reasons for them falling out.”

“Oh, so he’s over that now?”

“I mean, I don’t think any of the hurt they caused each other has gone away, but they learned how to forgive and live with it. Besides it’s not like their parents were any good, I think that’s the only time Barty ever supported Sirius. Hell, he was seconds away from going after them himself, of course, he would’ve probably gotten himself murdered considering how old they are, so I had to keep restraining him.”

“Then how did the hunters…?”

“Maybe we should start your vampire lessons first,” Evan suggested. “Also, you should probably avoid telling Sirius what I told you, just to be safe.”

“Why? Did he ask you guys not to tell me things from your past?”

“Not really, but I doubt he’d be happy to know we did.”

“I’m not going to lie to him.”

“I’m not asking you to, if he asks, sure go ahead and tell him.” Evan approached him like a predator. “But if he doesn’t,” he caresses James’ bottom lip with his thumb. “It would be in all of our best interests if you kept your pretty mouth shut.”

James finds himself nodding without even meaning to, he’d agree to anything Evan said when he’s standing that close to him with that wicked glint in his eyes and the sharp smile on his lips letting just a sliver of danger appear without showing his fangs to him. 

James loves it when they let their masks drop and show him who they truly are behind the human facade they kept and used to protect themselves from the judging eyes of the rest of the world, he would never judge them, he’d accepted that as soon as they got back together after he ran. 

There is nothing they could do that would make James turn his back on them.  

His devotion is limitless. 

His love has no bounds.

***

It doesn’t take long for James to notice that Evan is a great teacher, his confidence that James will get things right never waver, he’s patient and knows how to make James relax enough to pay attention to all his different senses, not just his new sight, but the hearing, the smells and touch. He taught him how to close his eyes, take a deep breath and truly feel everything that was around him in the forest. Admittedly it freaked him out a little when he heard every animal moving around him, from the big hooves of the deer to the crawl of the worms at their feet. The bird sounds were his favourite, as well as the smell of the flowers and everything that made Evan him by his side.

It doesn’t take long for him to suggest James should use his newfound skills to hunt down Barty and Regulus. They aren’t hard to find considering the amount of noise coming out of their mouths, it scared all the other animals away, James finds Regulus bucking beneath Barty, his fangs deeply engraved in his neck while Barty moves on top of him. The second it takes for James to decide on whether they’re fighting or fucking is all Evan needs to crash into Barty, sending them flying into the grass.

Turns out they like to fight just as much as they like to shag, occasionally doing both at the same time. James had never thought he'd enjoy it as much as he does, but there's something freeing in not holding back, giving just as much as he takes. Leaving bite marks all over their bodies as they take him apart piece by piece.

James had been right in being confused upon seeing them because Barty was fucking Regulus while they fought, but the second Barty was taken out of the equation by Evan, Regulus tied himself to James like he craved their presence by his side. 

The moment he was thrown into the floor by Regulus his breath was knocked out of his chest. They hadn’t had sex ever since he turned and to be honest it was one of the things James was expecting the most, they had told him plenty of times that the increase in all his feelings would make shagging that much better. And that James becoming a vampire only opened the possibilities for what they could do considering they had been holding themselves a little due to his status as a mortal. 

He was a little offended when they told him that, but he could understand why they wouldn’t want to cause him near-death injury when their sex life was already amazing as is.

But now that James finally had Regulus moving on top of him, with his fangs deeply engraved in his neck, James could not say he regretted one choice he’d made to get there.

Regulus tore his clothes and half of James's back with his nails in trying to get his naked body closer to his, they had become a tumble of limbs in the forest ground, surrounded by beautiful flowers and the smell of rich earth as they rolled around until they decided their preferred position.

James ends up being put on all fours by Barty who fucks him like his life depends on it, James had thought he’d fucked him hard before, but now. Fuck, nothing had ever compared to this feeling. James has never felt so full. Everywhere. His fantasies had become a reality plenty of times. But now every time Barty fucks him into the floor, Regulus uses his hands to pull James's head into his leaking cock. 

He can’t see where Evan fucks Barty from behind, but James is sure he’s the one controlling all their movements, as he always does, when he thrusts into Barty long and deep, one hand on his back keeping his torso glued to James’s back as he commands their rhythm with precise movements.

James thinks he might come the moment Barty sinks his teeth into his shoulder from behind, the pleasure only heightens with the burning pain of having his blood sucked, his life force drained into Barty's body, he chokes on Regulus's cock as he tries to groan around him. James has never felt so overwhelmed in his life. Has never given so much of himself to anybody else and felt so full at the same time.

The fact they’re outside where anyone might stumble upon them, despite them being in a recluse part of the forest, makes James's pleasure increase so much he's not sure he can take it. He can imagine how sinful they must look from an outside perspective, he can see how sensual Regulus looks with his head thrown back and his mouth wide open as he makes the most lovely sounds, cheeks red from pleasure as he arches his back, making James keep choking on his cock. He doesn’t mind, not when his blurry vision is filled with Regulus falling apart in front of him.

Not when Barty hits that spot inside of him that makes him see more than one star in front of him. Nor when he rearranges his teeth on James's shoulder and nearly tears a piece of his skin from the strength of his orgasm. James is blissed out. 

He’s never been happier to be able to feel like he’s finally on an equal field with them in their relationship for the first time after five years.

***

Unfortunately, his happiness doesn’t last for long. 

It starts in his dreams, like his subconscious is trying to tell him something, James dreams of a pile of dissected bodies, except he’s not himself, no James is an entity outside of his body, and what he sees on top of the pile looks like a feral animal, with red eyes and blood on his lips is an image of himself. The monstrous being James could become. The first time it happens, James wakes up feeling cold all over, turns out vampires can sweat, or at least that’s what James feels it is like. He gets up from their bed and takes a warm shower until Barty joins him and takes his mind out of his nightmare. 

The next time is not nearly as forgetful as the first, this time the bodies on the floor belong to the people he loves. The faceless bodies are substituted by his mother’s face, then his father’s, his grandparents and cousins, all of his aunties and uncles. Every person James has ever loved, every friend he’s ever made, their dead bodies haunt him at night. He recognises one more each night, Sirius's warm blue eyes now cold and lifeless, Barty’s forest green eyes forever closed, then Regulus whom James would recognise by the back of his dark curls anywhere and at last Evan who’s hugging him from behind as if trying to protect him even after his death.

James's mind gets no rest, no matter how much he tries to think about other things before going to bed in an attempt to avoid what he knows is coming. It takes a week for one of them to wake up with him when James is startled awake by another vision of bones and blood.

At first, James doesn’t even notice that Regulus woke up with him, he goes to the bathroom in a frenzy, his eyes unseen as he turns on the water and desperately tries to rid his hands of the red smudging it, but no matter how much James rubs it, puts on soap and repeats the process all over again, the metallic liquid doesn’t leave his hands. He feels dirty with it. There is blood on his hands, beneath his fingertips and he doesn’t even know whose.

“James. James. James.”

He can’t look away from his hands. Why are they still so dirty? When James takes so much care of making sure his hands stay clean.

He hears the sound before he feels the pain on his cheek, James's eyes finally disconnect from his hands when his head is thrown to the side.

“Did you just slap me?” He looks at Regulus's wide eyes and dishevelled hair.

“Yes." Regulus sounds uncertain. "And I’ll do it again if you don’t stop worrying me. What happened, love?"

James looks down at his hands and realises all the blood is gone. His heart stutters out for a beat. Maybe James had cleaned it before Regulus had hit him, it's the only possibility he can think of.

“I had something on my nails.”

He stares at him in disbelief, mouth gaping open.

“Really, it freaked me out a little, you know how much I don’t like dirty fingernails.”

Regulus nods slowly even though there's concern in his grey eyes. “If you say so.” When James doesn’t say anything back he asks, “Are you better now?”

James nods, twisting his fingers nervously.

“Okay," he grabs James's fingers and kisses them softly, Regulus's grey eyes never leaving his, daring him to say something about it. James swallows drily, having to restrain himself from pulling his hands away, from saying he doesn't deserve to have Regulus's lips on them. "Then let me take you to bed.”

James lets Regulus guide him back to the others and wrap his arms around him, even if he never relaxes and falls asleep again that night.

It becomes a usual occurrence for him, what’s not usual is for one of them to wake with him, no matter that they have vampire hearing, now that James is one too he can be quiet enough to not startle them when he needs to.

His heart's always beating triple its usual rate when this happens, except this time it's Evan who is already sitting by the bed with a book in his hands and a worried look on his face.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” He takes a sweaty lock out of James’s eyes.

James tries to nod as he sits up but his body feels like jelly, he’d thought he was supposed to feel strong after transforming, but there’s a pit in his stomach, James might have thrown up if there was anything in his stomach. He can't remember when was the last time he ate, James knows he doesn’t need to eat anymore, not now that his body is sustained by blood, but to know that he’s lost the habit of it so soon makes him feel weird about himself. Makes him feel less human. James isn’t sure how he feels about that. 

Of course, unlike Sirius, he does know there’s nothing wrong about not being human, but James doesn’t like to feel like he’s a brainless animal commanded by something as ludicrous as blood. But he feels the ache for it at the back of his mind, the longer it passes and he has not fed, they told him it wasn’t healthy for him to drink every day after turning, that he needed to learn how to control himself, so they’d feed him once a week for starters until he got used to it. Regulus and Evan had made a whole plan regarding his eating habits, Barty just wanted to be in for the ride, and James couldn’t say he didn’t care to know about it, but he knew he wouldn’t argue with them over it, after all, they surely knew better than him when it came to being a vampire.

“Yeah,” James rasped.

Evan raised an eyebrow, “You sure?”

For some reason, he couldn’t get the words out.

Evan stood up, “Come on, let’s take a bath.”

James has never felt so tired in his entire life. “I don’t wanna get up.”

Evan smiles softly. “You’re gonna make me carry you, aren’t you?”

James didn’t even have to pretend to pout for Evan to laugh quietly and take him in his arms, for some reason, James liked feeling taken care of and protected by Evan. He had a sense of security in him that made James always know he could count on him to have his back. Sure, his assuredness was hot in bed, but outside of it, it felt like a warm blanket that James could surround himself in. And to think he had been scared of him when they first met, that he had thought Evan exhaled danger - not that it wasn’t true - but James likes to think about how things have changed, he could never be scared of any of them again.

Evan sat him on the toilet as he started turning the warm water on.

“Take your clothes off.”

James's arms felt heavy when he tried to take his shirt off, it was like his conscience was trying to weigh him down with guilt, but James had no idea what for. He had done nothing wrong. If there was one thing James knew was that he did not regret becoming a vampire and he didn’t want to let them think he regretted his choice of being and becoming one of them.

However, when Evan helped him take his shirt off and then his pants, when he sat in front of him in the warm water and filled the bath with James favourite scented bubbles, he did try not to speak, even as his heart calmed down and his entire body relaxed, his blinks turning sluggish as he stared at Evan in front of him.

“Come on, sweetheart,” he prompted him as James was about to fall asleep. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

James did not mean to, but the sense of security must have grown in his head, because he found himself whispering, “I’m having nightmares.”

Evan froze, “About anything in particular?”

“I see them every time I close my eyes,” he admits, to be honest, James started getting a little scared of sleeping.

“See who?” Evan frowns.

“Dead bodies, everywhere,” he’s never heard his voice so raspy. “My mom, my dad, grams. They’re all dead.” James laughs, tears falling down his eyes. “Sirius, you, Barty and Reg. And the worst part is that it was I who did it,” he passes a wet hand against his face, squeezing his eyes shut, hoping he won’t see red behind his eyelids. “I drained you of all your blood.”

When James finally manages to look at him Evan’s eyes look entirely too big for his face. “You know you can’t kill us, don’t you, love?”

James looks down at the pink bubbles surrounding them, using his fingers to try and catch them in his hands. “I feel guilty.”

He doesn’t miss the catch in Evan’s breath. “Over what?”

“Killing everyone I love. At first, it was faceless people and that was scary enough, but to hurt one of you-” James chokes on the words. “I wouldn’t be able to survive it.”

“You’d never hurt us,” Evan approaches him, closing the space between them and interlacing their legs, their faces so close to each other that Evan can rest their foreheads against each other. “James, look at me,” he raises his chin with warm fingers, once their eyes connect, all James sees is complete unwavering trust and honesty. “I don’t believe for a second you could hurt any of us.”

He tries to look away but Evan holds his chin with strong hands, James is ashamed of letting him see what’s on his mind. “I used to think so too,” he admits. “But it’s hard to believe that when every time I close my eyes I see myself draining people of blood and it feels so real, Evan. I can feel their life being drained while they’re in my arms, the light dying from their eyes, I can taste their blood,” once he starts the words just stumble out of his mouth nonstop. “Sometimes I fear this is the dream and you’re all already dead.”

There’s so much worry in his eyes that James could crumble in tears again, Evan looks so concerned for him, James doesn’t want to make him look like that, but he feels lighter now that he’s spoken.

“Do you feel this?” Evan squeezes his hand.

James nods.

“And this?” He trails his fingertips over James's arm until he reaches his shoulder.

“Yes.”

He pinches the flesh of James's sides with the other hand he hadn’t even noticed Evan had sneaked in there. 

“Ouch.”

Evan laughs softly. “You definitely felt that.”

James can’t help his smile. “Yeah.”

“This is real, we’d never let you do anything you’d reg-” Evan stops himself out of nowhere and looks away, James frowns.

“What?”

Evan shakes his head. “Never mind. We should relax some more and then go back.”

James agrees easily and lays himself against Evan’s chest so he can use his strong hands to massage him and lull him into that sense of safety again.

James barely remembers drying himself and going back to bed with Evan, but he knows his nightmares won't plague him again that night, he gets the most sleep he’s ever gotten since he turned.

They’re all out when he wakes up, which is weird, they haven't left his side ever since he turned, James looks for a note they might have left to warn him of where they went but he doesn’t find any. He feels cold the moment he realises this. What if he was right and he had killed all of them? What if his dreams were the ones where he saw them at his side? What if James was creating them in his mind in an attempt to deceive himself into believing he wasn’t a monster?

He’s almost hyperventilating when he hears the front door opening and the sound of their voices reaches him from far away, like the breaking of dawn in the middle of the darkness that his mind had spiralled into.

James doesn’t even realise he’s running, but it's the fastest he’s ever moved, the moment he sees them he doesn’t even register their sombre expressions, throwing himself into their arms from the relief of seeing them again.

James squeezes them to him, breathing their scent in and allowing himself to relax once he’s finally in their arms.

“Is something wrong, love?”

James shakes his head against Barty’s shoulder. “Where did you go?”

He finally allows them to step back, just then realising how grim their expressions look. “Did something happen?”

“We need to talk,” Evan says.

James looks between them uncertainly. “Okay.”

“Why don’t we sit?” Regulus suggests, moving them to the sofa where they all sit around him.

James feels like they’re about to drop a bomb on him. “What happened?”

“There’s something we need to tell you,” Barty starts.

James waits, his stomach feels heavy with uncertainty.

“We haven’t been entirely truthful about what happened during your transformation,” Regulus admits.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it's completely normal for a person to be out of it during their transformation. We all were,” Evan guarantees it.

“So when a new vampire is given blood they can’t control themselves, their instinct is always to want more. There’s no stopping it, believe me, we’ve all tried it,” Regulus assures him.

James's breath catches in his chest. “What are you saying?”

They exchange a glance until finally, Barty starts speaking, the only one who seems inclined to explain what’s going on.

“When you turned, you drank too much, we tried to stop you, but it’s normal to be in a frenzy when you turn and believe me every new vamp I know killed at least one person after they turned and everyone knows blood bags aren’t nearly enough to satiate so if you think about it, it's a rite of passage into becoming a vampire. Of course, we hoped being in three we would’ve been able to stop you, but new vampires are wild creatures, they have no care for their own safety or others and we couldn’t hurt you so-”

James's ears drowned him out, he felt like he’d gone underwater, Barty’s rapid nervous explanation going from one ear to another without ever reaching his conscience.

James killed someone. That’s what they were saying. His nightmares were true. James was a murderer. He’d killed another human being. A person. Someone who did not deserve it. James had drained them out of their blood for his own selfish needs.

He felt sick. He didn’t even realise he was dry heaving until Evan’s hands took his sweaty hair out of his forehead and Barty held him from behind, Regulus's face was near him, his lips were moving but James couldn’t hear a word he was saying.

“It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.”

James was a killer. 

He knew that was a possibility when he accepted to become a vampire, but he’d always thought he’d be able to control himself. That he was stronger than this, that he wasn’t so selfish to choose his life before someone else’s. 

James knew all of them had killed people since they hadn’t been shy about it, it was the reason Sirius hated himself and despite James having always preached that he shouldn’t, now that the tables are turned James can't stop feeling this deep hatred towards himself. Why is his desire to live forever by the side of the ones he loves more important than the life of another human being? 

It shouldn’t be, should it?

This isn’t the type of person James is. This isn’t him. 

“Stop. Stop it, James.”

“You’re hurting yourself.”

James doesn’t feel the blood running down his arms from where he clawed at his own skin trying to free himself of what he’d become, but he does feel a harsh slap against his face that makes his entire body turn.

“What the fuck, Barty?” Evan complains.

“He needed to snap out of it.”

“James?” Regulus asks softly. “Are you with us?”

He nods, eyes down. They were in the bathroom. James has no idea how they got there.

“Tell me what’s going on in your mind.” Evan orders.

“I killed someone,” he whispers. James can’t look them in the eyes, he can’t make himself look at his own hands.

Nowhere is safe. 

He’s left counting the tiles of the floor, it brings him a sense of calmness that he does not feel.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Regulus says with so much conviction that it makes James laugh. It’s a small and mocking sound that he’s never heard coming out of his lips before.

“It was my hands that held them wasn’t it? My teeth sank into their flesh. My mouth closed around the wound and sucked it. So tell me.” James finally looks at them, finding three pairs of wide eyes staring back at him. “How the fuck is that not my fault?”

It’s a mix of shock, regret and helplessness that meets him. Until Barty recovers.

“James. There’s a reason you don’t even remember it. It’s because it wasn’t you. Not the real you. Not consciously. It’s every vampire's instinct. We can’t help it. We’re predators. It’s either kill or be killed.”

Then James would have rather he died.

The moment he thinks about it he regrets it. He knows it isn’t true. Some part of him knew this was a possibility and yet no matter how much he thought he’d prepared himself for it. In the end, James isn’t strong enough to bear it.

“Don’t try to sugarcoat it. I know it was me. I’ve been seeing it in my dreams.” James gives a humourless laugh. “Of course, I did not know this was what I was seeing because it escaped your mind to tell me about it.”

“James,” Regulus tries.

“No,” he raises a hand. “Don’t try to justificate it. Were you ever going to tell me?” He asks bitterly.

“We wanted to tell you right away,” Regulus says. “But you were so happy and doing so well.”

“We didn’t want to ruin this for you,” Barty admits.

“We knew you’d react like this and we didn’t want you to blame yourself.”

“How can I not blame myself?”

“Because if anything it was our fault,” Regulus admits. “We were ashamed of ourselves.”

“We thought we could restrain you and stop you from killing them easily, but when you started fighting we only cared about not hurting you,” Evan admitted.

“We couldn’t hurt you, no matter how hard you struggled to hurt us, so we… we let you kill them so that we wouldn’t have to hurt you.” Barty is the only one who can meet his eyes now. “So yes. It was our fault. We’re selfish and I’m not scared of admitting it. That I would put anyone else's life above yours every day of the week. There isn’t a world in which I'd choose to hurt you instead of anyone else.”

James's throat closes. His traitorous heart fills with love. How can it not when it sings for them? When it’s so unusual for Barty to speak so freely about how much he cares for them. James always treasures these moments, even if they come at the worst of times. 

The worst part is that James gets it, he understands why they would always choose him over anyone else. Because they love him. Because James would do the same for them. Every time. No matter what it cost him. So how could he ever be mad at them for choosing him? It’s simple, truly. James can’t.

His body deflates. James can feel all his strength leaving, thankfully Barty, Evan and Regulus are right there to catch him before he lets himself fall against the cold tiles.

“We got you. We got you, sweetheart.”

***

The days drag by. James can’t make himself get out of bed. He can’t sleep. He can’t move. His body felt frozen the moment he found out that his nightmares were true and he’d been responsible for the death of another human being.

James has never felt so numb in his entire life. He feels the word through a thick glass wall. James can’t hear anything, nor smell, can’t see anything or hear.

The days drag by in a haze, a few words barely registering in his mind as people move around him trying to get him out of the bubble created in his mind.

“We should call Sirius,” the voice has a familiar cadence to it, soft and comforting. James knows he loves the person it belongs to and still, he can’t access any of his feelings at the moment. He feels like his heart has been frozen in a box outside of his body.

“He’s gonna kill us.”

“Well, I’d rather die than have to see him go through this any longer,” it sounds rougher but just as emotional. James’s box shakes. A fissure tries to crack its surface. Uselessly. Just like James’s body that refuses to cooperate. 

“Fine, but I’m not gonna be the one to break it to him.”

The next time James comes to is when the smell of smoke fills his lungs so strongly it gets past the thick barrier he created instinctively to protect himself, except now his brain - not used to its new immortality - recognises the smell as dangerous and makes him snap out of it. James coughs, the room is dark, but he can see everything clear enough to make himself get out of bed and follow the terrible smell, his body moves on autopilot, trying to find what could’ve possibly been responsible for this. 

He trails it to the kitchen where he finds Regulus trying to extinguish a huge fire on the stove with a fire extinguisher, but what catches his attention is where two bodies are moving wildly over the floor, tearing each other apart with nails and fangs. James had never seen such brutality before, never knew two bodies could move that quickly. He’s thankful he can trail their movements now that his vision has heightened, except that seeing it fuels a fire inside of him to protect.

Protect both of them. Barty and Sirius. Who are viciously fighting and breaking everything around the living room while Evan tries to tear them apart, but ends up getting hurt each time. Their movements are wild, there’s no technique, it's pure hatred sown hundreds of years ago and nourished carefully with time. James isn’t sure anyone could break them apart. Not when they’re both bleeding so heavily, they’re bodies slip together and smudge the floor. Not when James is sure he’s seen a piece of what he can only assume has been bitten out of someone’s body lying around like it's being chewed by a pack of wolves. 

He can’t associate this with the men he loves. The men who took care of him at different times and each in their own way, but that are both just as appreciated and loved by him. 

It’s due to his surprise, to his incredulity and still numbed-out mind that James tries to step between them. In a daze, he walks in their direction, he naively believes his presence will be enough to make them snap out of it, that he won’t need to get his hands even more dirty than they already are.

The moment he comes into their vicinity James knows he’s made a mistake, he trips over their moving forms, even with his new reflexes, James has got nothing when it comes to their years of strength and hatred. The only thing that stops him from falling to the floor and hitting his head is Evan’s arm who quickly catches him before they can make contact. James isn’t sure how much it would hurt his new body, but he has no desire to find out either.

Evan grabs him around the waist and quickly brings him out of their range of motion, his eyes wide as he stares at James in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”

“I smelled the smoke.”

“If I knew all I had to do to get you out of bed was to set the kitchen on fire I would’ve done it before.”

James has no strength to smile, but the fact that he feels like doing it seems like a victory to him compared to how he had been feeling - he suddenly realises he has no idea how long it has been, how long he’d been laying in bed in a catatonic state.

“How do we stop them?” James tries to get back to what’s important at the moment.

Evan grimaces, looking back at them while still caressing James’s waist absentmindedly. “I’m afraid we can't. This has been coming for centuries, it couldn’t be avoided. We need to let them have it out.”

“This isn't like when Barty fights with Reg, Ev.” James finally tears his eyes away from Evan’s face. “They’re gonna kill each other if we don’t do something.”

Evan’s face twists in pain as if he can feel what Barty’s feeling at the moment. “I’ll take you to the kitchen where Reg hopefully already cleared the fire and bring him in to try to stop them by force.”

James shakes his head. “I can help.”

“James.”

“I can. I’m a vampire now,” it’s the first time he’s said it out loud, the words don’t leave a bad taste in his mouth. It’s not being a vampire that he despises, it’s killing people that James can’t live with.

“That doesn’t make you indestructible.” Evan turns to him, there’s a deep sadness in his eyes that James has never seen in him before. “Especially considering what happened. You haven’t fed in two weeks, that’s not normal for new vamps, you need to be strong enough if you want to step in this one.”

Just the thought of drinking blood makes him feel sick all over again. James lets himself be taken into the kitchen where Regulus has indeed stopped the fire, he has ashes on his lovely curls. James wants to brush it for him.

“You’re up,” his voice is full of wonder, and then he’s throwing himself in James's arms, the only reason he doesn’t fall back from the strength is the arm Evan still keeps around him, even as Regulus tries to crawl his way inside of James’s body through sheer force. “I missed you so much, love,” he whispers brokenly.

James wishes he had the strength to hold himself together for them, to be the person they met and to be able to take care of them as they have for him. But at the moment all he can do is squeeze Regulus's body into his and allow himself to breathe his familiar scent in, taking comfort on both bodies surrounding him and melting the ice box around his heart.

“I was right here.”

Regulus doesn’t step away from him, but he does lean his head back to be able to properly look at him, the glassy grey eyes make James’s heart rage inside his chest, trying to bring itself closer to Regulus, to give itself to him and show him that every beat still belongs to him.

Regulus doesn’t dispute his affirmation, but he does say. “I’m glad you’re back.”

James doesn’t feel like he’s back, nothing has changed for him, except that Barty and Sirius are fighting against each other like wild animals. He won’t argue with Regulus at the moment, he can’t, James has a one-track mind and that’s making sure the people he loves survive through the night. That has always been his priority.

“You need to help me break them up,” it’s Evan who interrupts them, putting a hand on Regulus’s neck and catching his attention while his thumb never stops moving circles on James’s back. His touch comforts James and gives him enough sense of security to trust in both of them to take care of it. He feels awful that he won’t be able to offer any help, but he will be on standby in case they do need another hand, no matter what Evan has said.

When Regulus kisses his jaw goodbye and Evan presses his lips against James's temple, he has to hold in his tears, has to stop himself from reaching up and not allowing them to disentangle their limbs from his. James doesn’t ever want to step away from them, it hurts even more when they’re the ones who leave his embrace, his body immediately turning cold the moment their skins aren’t touching. 

He trails them until they reach the living room, staring from behind the sofa while Regulus and Evan exchange one glance before they each tackle one of them in a different direction from where they had been fighting. Evan goes for Barty, throwing them so far away they collide against the wall, Regulus doesn’t get Sirius nearly as far but he does get him to stop fighting back faster than Evan, who seems to keep feeding the fire of Barty’s hatred until he gets an opening and closes his hand firmly around his jaw like a muzzle.

Barty shakes his head like a furious dog being restrained, but once his eyes finally go from red to green and he registers Evan’s pissed-off face in front of him, his entire body relaxes, like a switch has been turned in his body.

“Ev,” his voice is hoarse, he spits a mouthful of blood the moment Evan drops his hand from the front of Barty’s mouth to his neck, still restraining but giving him more leeway.

“Are you gonna behave?”

Barty’s eyes burn again. “If he-”

Evan snaps his other hand in front of his eyes, taking them away from where Sirius is brushing dust off his clothes as if they aren’t filled with blood while arguing with Regulus over what happened. “Don’t fucking look at him while I’m speaking to you.”

Barty’s eyes turn heated the second they land on Evan’s face.

“Behave,” his tone leaves no room for argument.

Barty shudders, his entire body melting in Evan’s grip.

James is sure they’re about to start shagging on the carpet until Sirius gasps loudly enough to catch all of their attention.

“James,” is all he says and then they’re falling in each other’s arms, James has to hold in a sob. 

He knows it's unreasonable, it's not like he hasn’t seen Sirius for months like last time, but James feels like he understands him so much better now. How deep his own hatred runs for their species. Why Sirius feels it so strongly. James may not regret being turned, but he knows it’s the reason he feels like this. It’s his own selfishness and desire to live eternally by the side of those he loves.

“Sirius,” James exhales, breathing his scent in, it’s slightly thwarted by the blended smell of Sirius’s and Barty’s blood, nonetheless, it brings James comfort. 

Sirius runs his hands over James’s shoulders and back, trying to assure himself that his best friend is in one piece. James thinks he’s the one who ought to do that considering Sirius has just come back from the most brutal fight he’s ever seen - not that James has plenty to compare to when it comes to vampires fighting - Regulus and Barty aren’t nearly as brutal with each other, their tension comes filled with sexual frustration that does eventually lead into them fucking each other until their both spent. 

“Are you alright?” James has to make sure.

Sirius nods, resting his forehead against James’s as Sirius runs his eyes over his face. “What have they done to you?” His voice is raspy as if he has to hold in his tears.

“Nothing that I haven’t asked for,” James answers honestly.

“Why?” Sirius makes a pained face as he shakes his head in denial. “You were perfect.”

“He still is,” it’s Barty who growls it.

James holds Sirius by the neck to him, to stop him from turning to Barty and starting another fight. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Sirius looks away. James knows he can’t argue with that, Sirius would never wish to live on after James’s death, he’s told him plainly before that he was going right after him. 

“You could’ve told me.”

“You would’ve tried to stop us.”

“I don't want this for you, James. To know how it is to live with guilt.”

James's throat closes up. “Did they tell you… about what happened?”

Sirius nods. “Yeah, they did. How are you feeling?”

James can't swallow. “I can't.” James suddenly can't breathe. “I… I killed her.”

It doesn't get easier the more he says it.

“What did you expect?” Sirius's voice betrays his disbelief. “How could you expect to become this wretched thing without turning yourself into a monster?”

James steps back. “You think I'm a monster?”

“Don't you?” He raises an eyebrow as if the answer to it should be obvious. “You healed with their teeth on your neck," Sirius says in disbelief. "You know those marks are gonna stay on forever now, don't you?” He sounds disgusted. 

James feels sick.

James hasn't come to terms with the fact that he took a life yet. He's also never considered Barty, Evan, Regulus and Sirius to be monsters because of what they'd done. But perhaps that was hypocritical of him considering he was so quick to judge anyone else who'd done so, including himself.

Hearing Sirius talk about the marks he appreciates so much as if they’re dirty makes him want to scrub himself whole, it’s enough to make him want to hide. But hearing Sirius say he thinks James is a monster now is another thing. 

Sirius has always been the person that James could count on to be by his side, the one he knew would always have his back. To have him think James was despicable over what he'd done, over what he was now. That makes James' heart crumble. 

He hasn't been feeling alright ever since it happened. But nothing is compared to how he feels now, it's like his soul is dying. James doesn't have his person by his side anymore.

“You should go,” for everyone's wonder it's Regulus who says it in a cold tone.

“What?” Sirius turns to him in shock. 

“Leave.” Evan is not nearly as polite.

“There's no way I'm leaving him with you after what you turned him into.”

“I'm afraid you don't have a choice anymore, Sirius,” Regulus remains stone-faced.

“Well, I think it's James' choice,” he turns to James expectantly.

For the first time in his life, James turns his back to him.

“James.” Sirius's voice betrays his disbelief.

James finds Barty's eyes, practically begging him to get rid of Sirius. James has never expected he'd ever feel this way.

“Leave now or I’m tearing another piece of your arm,” Barty warns with pure determination on his face, he looks like he'd love nothing more than being able to fight him again.

All of them step up and create a protective barrier between James and his best friend.

“I'd listen to him if I were you.” Evan's smile is cold, his teeth elongating threateningly. “I'm not holding him back next time.”

Sirius doesn't even pay attention to it, his entire focus on James as he stares at him with his heart in his eyes.

“James,” it's a broken cry, a plea.

He can't do this anymore, can't listen to Sirius beg him when he's the one who said he sees James as a monster now that he's become a vampire when he is the last person James expected to make him feel even worse about the situation.

So he walks away in the direction of the only safe haven he's had ever since he turned. James goes back to their bedroom.

***

It’s not only the lack of support or understanding from Sirius that makes him miserable. It’s also the self-hatred that makes him unable to get up from bed or the sofa when they insist he moves. It’s the self-hatred that stops him from drinking blood even when his entire body burns in need of it when he has no strength to move. Regulus usually curls up with him on the couch and brings him comfort while Barty tries to make him laugh to take his mind out of all the images that keep running over his mind. Nonetheless, Evan is the one who likes to take care of him the most. It's in his nature.

“You need to drink it, James,” Evan insists.

“I can’t,” his stomach crumbles just thinking about it.

“You won’t survive if you keep going like this,” Regulus tells him gently.

“Why do I deserve to survive when they didn’t?”

They stay quiet at this. They know James doesn’t believe that one life should be more important than others, no matter that he would put theirs above anyone else, he’d never be able to do the same when it came to himself. James had never learned how to be selfish. 

“They’re already dead. Killing yourself won’t bring them back,” James knows Barty doesn’t mean to be harsh, but he never learned how to deliver bad news without hurting others' feelings.

Regulus elbows him in reprimand. “What he means is that all we can do in the future is make sure you won’t hurt anyone else, there’s nothing we can do to change the past.”

“I can’t take that risk.”

“You don’t need to drink from someone,” Evan tells him. “We can grab you a blood bag.”

“The smell of it is making me sick,” James admits, he’d thought of that before, it’s not like he wants to feel miserable inside and outside.

“We could mix it with something else so you won’t smell or taste it as strongly,” Evan suggests.

James makes a face, he isn’t sure there is anything that would mix well with blood.

Barty laughs. “Don’t make that face, Reg loves to drink wine with blood.”

“It enhances the wine’s taste, it's delicious.”

“We can try,” he acquiesces.

Evan goes to prepare the drink while Regulus and Barty stay cuddled up with James on the sofa, he can see Evan at the counter, grabbing one blood bag from their supply and one of James’s favourite wine bottles. 

“Don’t look,” Barty grabs his chin and makes sure they are making eye contact, his green eyes full of worry. “It’s better to deceive your brain into thinking it's just wine.”

“Not sure if that’ll be possible.”

“He’s only putting a sip,” Regulus reassures him.

James tries to allow himself to relax again against them, but his body is too aware of the sounds Evan is making, not looking just makes him pay more attention to the details, he hears the sound the plastic bag makes as it is opened. The sounds the liquid makes as it flows into the glass make him wonder how much Evan is putting inside it. His stomach grumbles. James has never felt so weak.

“There you go, sweetheart.” Evan offers him the glass.

James’s arm fails to raise, he tries to will it again, but they feel heavy, barely twitching against his body.

“Here,” Regulus grabs the glass from him. “I’ll help you.”

He lifts the glass until the rim touches James’s barely opened lips, he instinctively tries to move his head to the side to avoid it from spilling into his mouth, but Barty’s hands tighten on his jaw. James’s eyes widen behind his new glasses - he doesn’t need them anymore to see, but when he told Evan he felt weird not wearing them, he’d gotten him one with different lenses - he hadn’t been expecting them to pretty much shove it down his throat, even if it’s done lovingly and with gentleness.

“Relax,” Evan tells him soothingly. “We’d never hurt you, but you need to drink, love. You’re desiccating.”

James's body instantly goes lax upon Evan’s words, his voice calms him and reminds him there’s no danger for him when it comes from them. They could do anything they wanted to him and James would take it.

The moment the liquid touches his tongue and James tastes it he realises he had been suffering for nothing, it’s delicious. One of the best things he’s ever gotten the pleasure to taste. The liquid is so rich he feels goosebumps forming on his skin, James instantly feels better, like he just ran a marathon and is finally getting a taste of some energy drink, he feels renovated and the taste is delicious.

There’s a hand caressing the strands of his hair, James doesn’t even realise he’s leaning into it.

“That’s it, baby. Drink it all,” Evan encourages him as Regulus feeds him the drink and Barty holds him in place as he lovingly holds the back of his neck.

Before James even realises it the liquid is gone, he whines from the back of his throat, and the burning slowly subsides, but it’s not nearly enough to satisfy him. When James could only remember the bad feeling in his mouth over having killed someone, he couldn’t make himself miss the taste of blood, the way it made him feel. However, now that he had gotten a taste of what he was missing, his heart was racing, and his mind was going on an overdrive over what he would need to do to get more of it.

James wants it all. He craves to bathe in it. Unhinge his jaw until he can have the most of it at the same time.

Thankfully he does not need to beg for it, he would if he had to. But Evan is already in front of him with another glass by the time James comes to there’s another glass being brought to his mouth and the God’s drink is already running over his tongue again. James moans against the glass, his throat running in overdrive trying to swallow it all.

James can feel the concentration of blood is bigger on this one, there’s likely very little wine in it compared to the other one where it was more diluted, but James can’t make himself care about it, not when his mind is only filled with how great he feels over it, the ecstasy clouds his judgement.

He’s not sure when they gave him a blood bag, but James tears it with his teeth, blood bathing his face as he tries to swallow it all.

“More,” he breathes out.

James doesn’t know when he climbed into Barty’s lap, but he knows Evan and Regulus keep on feeding him as James shudders in pleasure against him, his hips instinctively moving against him.

“That’s enough, love,” Regulus tries to stop him.

James groans, “More.”

“You already had too much. We can’t let you have this much the second time around, this way you’ll never learn how to control it.” Evan tries to reason with him.

Their words go over his head. There is no rational thought in his brain. James wants blood, so he will have it. There were three sources of it in front of him that would willingly give it to him, one of them especially closer. James doesn’t make a conscious decision to seduce them into giving him more, but Barty is already hard beneath him and his vein throbs so beautifully in his neck. James can see it pulsing, nothing has ever looked this appealing to him.

He sinks his teeth on it at the same time as he undoes Barty’s belt, hears him groaning against James head as he throws his head back in pleasure, his hands move from James neck to his thighs and then squeezing his arse, bringing his body even closer to his as James feeds on him like his life depends on it.

It doesn’t satisfy his hunger, but it fuels the pleasure in his gut. To know that Barty’s life force is going inside of him. That it’s Barty who feeds him. Like James once did for him. He wonders for a moment if Barty would let him get to that point. The same way James did for him before. If Barty would let James drain him of blood.

“You can suck me dry, sunshine.” Barty moans the words out. “As long as you keep moving your ass against me.

James hears Evan ripping his shirt from the back so he’ll be able to take it off him without dislodging him from Barty, James appreciates his thoughtfulness as he undoes his own belt, what he does not appreciate is when Evan pulls him off Barty and throws him on the other side of the couch, making him fall onto Regulus lap, who takes his sweaty hair out of his forehead gently.

“You’ve drunk enough.”

James bares his teeth in warning, Evan’s eyes widen in surprise, James has never done that before, he feels a little out of his mind, their blood calling to him, but there’s an even stronger smell calling his name inside of the fridge where he knows they keep the human blood. James needs to get there by whatever means necessary, he would’ve preferred fucking them for it, Regulus and Barty seem like they’d be into it, but if Evan wants to fight that’s what he’ll get. James will make him see reason just like he did with the others.

“James,” there’s a warning in his voice that James doesn’t heed, Evan raises his hands in an I’m not gonna harm you way. It’s naive of him. James pounces, throwing him on the floor with his teeth wrapped around his neck in an instant. Evan groans, James almost vibrates on top of him from the ecstasy, he can’t get enough, and a part of him is afraid he’ll never get enough.

James sucks and bucks against him, moaning against Evan’s neck, his hands settle on James’s waist and squeeze strongly, accelerating his movements as he moans and mouths against James’s own neck. He’s sure he could come like this, the pleasure is far too great until he feels sharp teeth against his own neck, goosebumps spread over his skin and then Evan’s biting him.

It burns just as much as the first time they bit him, but now James is already used to the feeling, his brain knows there will come immeasurable pleasure afterwards, they hump against each other as they drink each other’s blood. James wishes he’d sink himself into Evan’s dick before he bit him, he’d love to have another part of him inside of himself.

James could feel the build-up starting, his movements turning more rapid as he tried to get there faster, moving his hips just right so he could feel Evan’s cock against his own, James can already feel the familiar tingling in his gut when someone grabs him by the neck and takes him off Evan like James doesn’t weigh more than a ragged doll.

James hangs in the air as he’s met with Barty’s pissed-off expression, he’s got a glint in his eyes James recognises. “You see, sunshine. The thing is, I would've happily let you drain me of blood. Evan on the other hand,” he clicks his tongue in reproach. “Tsk tsk tsk. No way in hell.”

Then he lets him go and shoves a blood bag into James's face. His eyes widen upon having what he's wanted all along being given to him freely. James could come right now. Could drop to his knees and suck Barty off as a thank you. Instead, he closes his lips around the opening and sucks the blood greedily. His entire body shudders in pleasure, the world he knows as turning into a halo of fluorescent lights as his mind drifts off to another realm.

“What the fuck, Barty? He’ll never learn if you keep indulging him,” James isn’t entirely sure if it was Regulus who complained.

“This isn’t gonna work anyway, I’ve told you that from the beginning.”

“Then what do you suggest?” He asks prickly.

“We teach him the old way.”

“That didn’t work with Sirius.”

“Well, James isn’t Sirius,” Evan says.

“Thank fuck for that,” Barty snorts.

“Are we doing this?” Regulus sounds worried, but James can’t care right now, not when he’s got everything he’s ever wanted on his lips, not when he’s on the brink of something he’s only felt once before.

“Hell yes.” Barty has never sounded so elated. “We need to get rid of his moral compass.”