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1.
When Cynthia was five she met the Valdovinos. They were on the playground, school had started a couple months beforehand. And Cynthia played alone a lot.
She had played with a few girls and a few boys before but neither group seemed to work with her. She didn’t mind playing by herself.
That means she got to do what she wanted. Which in this instance was playing in the sand. She totally was ruining the dress her mother put her in, not that Cynthia cared.
The dress was pink and had lace, two things Cynthia preferred not to wear. She loved the color, it was pretty but it never made her happy to wear. She just wore it to make her mother happy.
“Your dress is icky now.” Cynthia turned to see a boy from her class, she couldn’t remember his name but he had a nice smile. She shrugged.
“I didn’t like it anyway.” The fabric was too itchy, so she just tried to focus on the sand.
“Oh” the boy ran off for a minute and Cynthia didn’t think he was going to come back.
She was wrong, because a few minutes later he came running back with two trucks. He held one out to her. Cynthia took it slowly, she wasn’t used to other kids wanting to play with her.
“Thanks.” She smiled. He sat across from her and they started to move the trucks around in the sand.
“I’m Richie!” The boy, Richie, seemed nice.
“I’m Cynthia.”
They played for the rest of recess, and when they walked back to class he introduced her to his sister. He did they were twins, which Cynthia thought was cool. His sister, Olivia, was also wearing pink like her. But Olivia looked comfortable in it.
She was a little shy, she preferred reading to socializing which Cynthia didn’t quite understand but didn’t mind. She still thought Olivia was really nice.
Just like that, Cynthia had friends. The twins and her met a boy named Pedrito the same week and they started their own little group of friends.
Cynthia was thrilled. She was excited to tell her parents that she made friends. Her dad was happy for her, not caring that she was playing with boys and a girl.
But her mom suggested maybe she only play with Olivia. Cynthia just ignored that, she liked Olivia a lot but the boys were cool too. She didn’t want to lose either.
~~~
School picture day was coming up and Cynthia was forced into another pink dress. This time she actually hated it. She had begged her mother to pick a different dress.
“You look perfect Cece. You’re wearing this one.”
This one made her look like a doll. She even had ribbons in her hair. She didn’t like it. She didn’t like how long her hair was. She didn’t like any of it.
Olivia gave her a smile when she saw her, and hugged her. “Let’s get through pictures.” She said.
Pictures took forever to happen. Cynthia wanted to just pull the ribbons out but her teacher said she had to wait until after recess, because that’s when the pictures were. At least there was recess! That was Cynthia’s favorite part of the day.
And she was so excited up until her teacher told her she should sit on the bench next to Olivia, who was reading, and not get her dress all messy. When Cynthia said she would be careful, her teacher said she didn’t have a choice.
Cynthia wanted to cry. She hated sitting still, she wanted to run around and play. Richie and potato got to play, and they were waving her over. She had to shake her head.
“I’ll be right back, potty break.” Olivia left her book with her and ran to their teacher.
Cynthia watched as their teacher left to let Olivia in, there were other adults near by, and she wondered if she could get by with sneaking away.
“You should wear blue.” A voice caused her to jump. The girl wasn’t in her class but she had seen her in the playground with two other girls. She had a fun looking dress, with lots of colors. Like a rainbow splattered on it.
“What?” Cynthia asked.
“You should wear blue not pink. You look sad in the pink but I saw you in blue yesterday and you smiled.” The girl said in a very serious voice. “Plus blue makes your eyes brighter.”
And with that the little girl ran off. Cynthia didn’t know that was going to be her future best friend, and neither girl would remember that moment for a long time.
Cynthia smiled at the idea of her eyes being brighter. And she did really like blue. It was probably her favorite color.
“Cynth!” Richie called, he couldn’t say Cynthia very well so he gave her a nickname. Cynthia thought it was cool. “Come play with us.”
Potato was climbing on a tree, but turned to look over at her and gestured her over.
With a wicked smile Cynthia raced over, after placing the sweater Olivia had taken off over the book so it didn’t get taken, and went to the tree.
She liked climbing, it was fun and she was good at it. She started up the tree, not noticing when a piece of bark caught on her dress. She didn’t hear as it ripped, she was focused on climbing higher than Potato had gone.
She made it to the top branch and sat there happily as Richie laughed and Potato frowned.
“Cynth how do you always go higher?” He called out.
She shrugged. She just liked to climb. Whenever her papa didn’t have to work he took her to the park and let her do whatever. He never told her she couldn’t do stuff. So she climbed.
“Cynthia Evelyn Zdunowski you get down from there right now!” The teacher yelled, sounding angry but nervous.
With a sigh Cynthia started to climb down. She was annoyed because she was having fun and then the teacher had to ruin it.
However as her feet hit the ground, she looked down at her dress and saw it was ripped. A very large rip ruining all the lace that’s as on it. For a split second Cynthia was okay with it because she hated the dress.
And then she realized her mother was going to be livid and she burst into tears. Richie and Potato came over to her to try and comfort but it didn’t work.
The teacher, still annoyed but felt bad for the girl, gently took her hand to lead her inside.
Cynthia had no idea what to do other than cry. Her mother was going to yell when she saw her. And the pictures, oh no.
Olivia was coming out the bathroom as they walked towards the teacher’s classroom.
“Cynthia? What’s wrong?” Olivia ran up to her, and quickly wrapped her arms around her. “Don’t cry.”
“My dress” is all Cynthia could say.
Olivia looked up at their teacher. “Miss Ellen can I go with you?” And then “I just need to grab my book first”
The teacher nodded, and patiently waited as Olivia ran outside to get her things and run back in. It made Cynthia laugh a little, Olivia looked very determined.
Once she returned they headed back to the classroom, where the teacher tried and failed to fix the dress.
“Oh dear. I’m going to have to call your mother.” The teacher looked as if she was going to get to go do that.
“No! Please don’t.” Cynthia begged, her papa was supposed to pick her up and of her mom got called then that wouldn’t happen.
The teacher gave her a pitying look. “Cynthia, your dress is ruined. You can just wear it all day. You need new clothes and we don’t have extras.”
Olivia jumped out of her seat and ran to her cubby where she kept her bag. And after minute returned holding something.
“I have play clothes she can wear!” Olivia looked excited. “See now you don’t have to call her mom.”
Both girls looked at the teacher with big eyes. The teacher gave in and told Cynthia to change quickly.
Cynthia ran to the bathroom and did so. The shirt was blue and the skirt a plain grey. It was perfect. When she came out she looked in the mirror. Her eyes were big as she realized the girl from earlier was right. Blue was better.
Cynthia reached up and ripped the pink ribbons from her hair. She nearly threw them away but decided not to. She had an idea.
Olivia and her returned to the playground and she was more careful this time. And eventually they were called in to take pictures.
They didn’t take too terribly long and it was over before they knew it. Cynthia had held onto her ribbons this entire time after tying both of them into little bows and on the way out of the room they took pictures she saw the girl from the playground.
She ran up to her and handed her one ribbon. “You were right.” Before the girl could say anything she ran back to the boys and Olivia.
She handed Olivia the other ribbon. “Thanks for let me wear your clothes.”
Olivia smiled and held onto the ribbon like it was precious and that was that. Cynthia was happy her friend didn’t throw it away.
The rest of the day went quickly and soon enough her father was there to pick her up. The teacher waiting with Cynthia to explain the clothes situation.
Her Papa just nodded and said that it was nice of Olivia to loan her the clothes. When the teacher asked what he was going to do about Cynthia ripping the dress he frowned.
“Why would I do anything? Accidents happen. You can’t expect a kid to sit still while her friends are playing. Come on Cynny let’s go home.”
She didn’t need to be told twice. She climbed up into the truck her father drove, a big smile on her face.
“Let’s go to the park kiddo.”
~~~
A month later when they got the pictures from the school, her mother screamed. She hadn’t been told about the outfit change, and was furious.
“Dominik look at this! It’s ridiculous that’s not the dress I put her in!” Her mother shrieked, and Cynthia hid in the hallway.
She watched as her father looked over at the photo, and he smiled. “It’s a good picture. Look at how brightly she smiled.”
Her mother groaned and just gave him the photo. “You take it then. It’s not going on the wall.”
She was right, it didn’t end up getting on the wall. Her mother took her to get photographed a week later, wearing another dress that made her feel like a doll.
That’s the photo that made it on the wall. Cynthia with a fake and small smile, her eyes wet from tears she fought back.
The photo from the school was proudly displayed at her father’s shop instead.
~~~
2.
Pink went from a color that Cynthia liked to a color that made her sad. It was fine on others, she thought it was pretty on girls like Olivia.
But on her it just made her feel weird. Like it wasn’t her. She didn’t like it. She liked the play clothes she started wearing all the time. She liked the clothes the boys wore and got upset when she was told she was girl and couldn’t.
She wanted to cry every-time her mom forced her into the pink.
Including her sixth birthday. Cynthia’s parents couldn’t afford to do a lot, but they were having Cynthia’s friends come over and her mom was making a cake.
Cynthia was excited for her friends to come over, any time she spent with Richie, Potato, and Olivia was a good time.
But then her mother forced her into a pink monstrosity. It made her feel like a cupcake.
“Oh Cece look at how pretty you look. Here you can wear mommy’s pearls today.”
She knew the pearls were a big deal, so she tried to smile. She was happy her mom trusted her with the necklace at least, but it didn’t feel like her.
The whole day went by and her smile started to disappear. Her mother kept commenting on how she looked like a princess and looked so pretty in pink.
Even when her friends got there she couldn’t smile, she tried but she was almost ready to burst into tears. She hated this. It felt so wrong.
When Richie made a comment on the dress Cynthia ran into her room and hid under her blanket. He was trying to be funny she thinks but it didn’t feel funny.
Richie and the other followed her and Richie said sorry. And they got her out from under the covers and they played until it was time for everyone to go home.
Her mother said there we’re gonna take one more picture of her all dressed up abs told her to wait in the living room while she grabbed the camera.
She started to pout and her father walked into the room.
Cynthia’s father had taken one look at her sad face, and then picked her up and hugged her.
“If you smile for the picture I’ll take us to get icecream.”
“But it’s almost bedtime.”
He smiled, and his eyes twinkled. She felt better, her dad wouldn’t force her out in public like this and they were getting ice cream! “We won’t tell your mom.”
So she smile widely in the picture, not because she was happy about the dress like her mother thought. Or took the picture. No, she smiled because her dad had saved the day again.
She got dressed for bed and a little while after she was tucked in her dad opened the door and told her to come on.
She was careful to tiptoe and not make a sound as she passed her parents room
They snuck out of the apartment, and as soon as she was in the car she was giggling up a storm.
~~~
3.
She’s thirteen and she hates pink. She hates how it’s so girly. She hates the way it makes her feel when she sees girls wearing. When she sees Olivia wearing it and she has to leave because her chest feels weird and she just can’t.
But more she hates the way it crushes her anytime she’s in the horrible color. Thirteen years of being forced into it and Cynthia was done.
She supposed it wasn’t the entirety of her life. She had off periods from the color. Those were the best and worst times.
The first time she didn’t have to dress in pink frilly dresses was a few weeks after she turned six. When her dad gave her clothes that were still skirts but way less frilly. Shirts that weren’t girls shirts at all. She cheered.
She remembered the fight that happened afterwards, when her mother screamed at her father that Cynthia was a girl and should dress like it.
“My apologies Katherine I didn’t know skirts weren’t girl’s clothes. I should go get myself one just to show what a man I am!” He responded, voice completely calm.
Her mother left that night, but she came back two months later and everyone acted like nothing happened.
This happened more and more, except her dad stopped acting like it didn’t happen. He told Cynthia that at any point if she got too uncomfortable her mother wasn’t allowed to see her anymore.
Her mother showed up every couple years, and during that time Cynthia was put through beauty hell. Constantly dressed up, hair done, and she had to act like a lady.
Even after Cynthia begged for it to end, that she was old enough to dress herself her mother didn’t listen. Eventually she just disappeared. Her father would take her to the shop afterwards and they would spend the entire day there.
So by the time she was thirteen she hated the color. Her mother had just left again, this time on her birthday which Cynthia thought was just cruel, so Cynthia threw out everything pink from her closet. Everything.
She took scissors and cut her hair extremely short. Her dad didn’t say anything about it, he was kind like that.
But boy did everyone else. Olivia complimented it, and her stomach flipped. She was pleased though. The boys just said it suited her more.
Gil just wrapped his arms around her, he knew what it was like to have an absent parent. She smiled at least one of her friends got it.
Shy guy had a smile on his face looking at her, and was extra nice. Which she figured was him being a good friend.
Her hatred for pink never really went away that year. She went with blues and browns. All the colors her mother threw a hissy fit over.
And then the best thing she ever invested in. Pants. It seemed silly, to feel so strongly about them, but oh she loved them. They gave her a sense of freedom. She couldn’t wear them to school, but as soon as classes were over she would change into the jeans.
The boys nodded their heads the first time she wore them. And she never felt so good in her whole life.
~~~
4.
Cynthia was sixteen when she became a part of a girl gang. She never expected to have this many friends who weren’t the guys. Her and Olivia had been friends for years but they had spent less time together. The only time they spent hanging out was when the TBirds wanted them both there.
But now she had Olivia again, Jane, and Nancy. And it was thrilling. But also hard.
It was fun being in a group with other trouble makers who actually acknowledged that she was in fact in the group.
The thing was they didn’t laugh at her jokes. Cynthia was hilarious, but she guessed she had a more boyish humor because the TBirds still laughed.
She tried not to feel so rejected by them. But they didn’t give her a jacket, even after they promised. Because she was a girl.
And it hurt so badly she went home and cried for the first time in three years. She didn’t hesitate to join Olivia and Jane on stage. To endorse Jane.
She knew it was the right thing.
And know she had three best friends. She just didn’t understand why it was so hard to connect with them.
They went to that stupid party at Dot’s. And she was just tired of the girls not getting her jokes. So she decided to make the boys laugh.
And she had until she apparently went to far. Gil didn’t appreciate getting pantsed which she didn’t get why he was so mad considering the guys did that to each other all the time.
“Why can’t you act like a normal girl?”
The words echoed in her head the entire rest of the party. She hid and prayed the girls would be ready soon.
They all decide to leave and Nancy accused them all of being obsessed with the boys all night.
Even Cynthia. Which she supposed was technically true but they didn’t laugh at her jokes, and she told them that. Gil’s words hurt again.
“But I’m guess I’m too girl to be one of the boys and to boy to be one of the girls.” And she walked off.
Jane followed her, going up to comfort her and say she perfect the way she was.
“I’m sorry we made you feel that way Cynthia. You’re right we don’t appreciate your humor enough!”
She felt better. And was highly entertained as Nancy went on about how everyone was so worked up about boys. She described a world without boys.
Which sounded so nice, she had to admit. Would certainly fix some of her problems.
Including the assholes who had spiked the punch to make the other girls easy. The girls decided to get revenge with a suggestion Cynthia had earlier.
They were pretty proud of themselves and were laughing over the name they got called.
And Cynthia referenced back to McGee calling then ladies. She did an awesome impression.
But it made Jane stop.
“Pink ladies.”
Everyone looked towards Cynthia. And she knew she was going to cave on the pink. She had said no pink earlier, but she saw the look on the girls’ faces. They way they were constantly called pink anyway.
And well, she felt maybe she could give it one more try. A trial basis.
~~~
They had broken into the school and changed all of Buddy’s posters to say vote pink and vote for Jane.
Cynthia was impressed by how quickly they had gotten it done, and slightly concerned about how horrible school security was.
They didn’t even get in trouble for it! And they didn’t have detentions anymore. But Cynthia was out with the thespians. She shuddered. She didn’t want to go there.
But Nancy pulled out their jackets and whatever annoyed thoughts she had over theatre was gone because the jackets were prefect.
Nancy had outdone her self. A light pink outside with the words “pink ladies” on the back and their names on the front. Cynthia stared at hers for a minute, her name against the pink fabric.
She didn’t feel dread but somethings else.
Especially when she pulled it on when the others did, and they walked out a United gang. Rydell’s very first girl gang.
She felt amazing as she flipped her collar up as they passed the TBirds. Essentially telling them to fuck off as they went to speak.
She had never felt this comfortable or confident in the pink. Maybe it wasn’t the color she had problems with?
She felt powerful and almost like a weight had been lifted off her chest, not completely but it wasn’t killing her like before.
Maybe pink wasn’t so bad.
~~~
5.
They were all at Nancy’s for a sleepover. It was a rare occurrence as she preferred to go to her friends’ houses.
Everyone was already in their pajamas and getting comfortable. Nancy’s parents let her bring the tv into her room and they were going to watch a movie that was on.
Cynthia was laying on her stomach at the end of Nancy’s bed next to her, while Jane and Hazel were up against the headboard. Olivia was looking around Nancy’s room to find a good place to hide with her book, predictable.
But as she looked around, Cynthia noticed her friend freeze and look over at something.
“Olivia are you okay?” Cynthia finally asked after a few minutes.
Olivia nodded but her eyes never left whatever had stolen her attention. Whatever it was, it was on Nancy’s dresser.
“Hey Nancy, where did you get this ribbon?” Olivia had gestured and moved over so Nancy could see.
It was a headband, obviously too small for Nancy to still wear but it seemed important enough for her to keep. There was a light pink ribbon, the same shade as their jackets, tied in a bow.
Cynthia looked at it too, it felt familiar.
“Oh some girl gave it to me when we were like five. I kept it and made my first piece of fashion with it.”
It took a minute before Cynthia remembered two pink ribbons she had taken out of her hair, back when it was long and her mother made a big fuss of styling it.
She remembered a little girl who told her blue was a better look on her than the pink, because pink made her sad and blue didn’t.
She remembered running up to her and handing her one of the ribbons, she wasn’t sure why exactly.
“Did the girl who gave you the ribbon have long brown hair?” Cynthia asked, jumping to go stand by Olivia. She heard Nancy follow, and could feel Jane and Hazel’s eyes on them.
“Uh yeah. Why?” Nancy gave her a look as Cynthia gently touched the ribbon.
“Because I’m pretty sure I’m the one who gave it to you.” She laughed, and Olivia was smiling too. “You told me that pink wasn’t my color.”
Nancy looked a little shocked before nodding. “Well it wasn’t then! You were also so sad in pink, but now? Pink is so your color. At least in jacket form.”
“Cant believe you kept yours too.” Olivia shook her head in disbelief. “It’s almost like you knew we would all be friends one day.”
The girls all hugged and went to hug Jane and Hazel too because they didn’t want to leave them out.
Turns out that Nancy took the ribbon as inspiration for the exact shade of their jackets. Who knew such a tiny thing would affect their lives so much?
Cynthia decided to go find two more of those ribbons, for Jane and Hazel both to know how much they mean to her too.
She looked over at her pink ladies jacket, and couldn’t believe how so much could’ve changed in such little time.
~~~
A week after the Pink Ladies sleepover over, Cynthia had another one. This time with Lydia. Her dad was out late again so it was just her and her girlfriend.
She definitely wasn’t complaining. Especially when at one point she saw that Lydia was chilly, and Cynthia grabbed her jacket and wrapped it around her.
Lydia looked really happy to be wearing the pink jacket, like she had wanted to for a long time. Not because she wanted to be a pink lady, but because she wanted to do the normal thing and wear her partner’s jacket.
And oh, Cynthia’s heart melted as she saw her jacket on her girl. She understood boy’s desire to have their girls wear their jackets. It felt right.
Cynthia had butterflies in her stomach watching her girlfriend settle back into her arms, while the jacket kept her warm. Her skin feeling warm seeing her in the pink.
And in the first time probably in her entire life she fully loved the color pink again. It didn’t make her dread looking at girls when they wore it, and it didn’t make her wanna cry when she wore it.
Lydia was beautiful in the color, and she adored seeing her in it. And Cynthia loved her jacket too, she felt powerful.
It was a strange feeling to know things changed, but maybe like with people relationships with colors changed often too.
Cynthia shook her head and smiled, she didn’t want to think too hard about it. She decided to just enjoy the night.