Chapter Text
Finally, looking up from the floor, the masculine yelling from the drunk turned into the sweet, caring voice that Addison possessed. Waves of comfort flowed through Ian like a warm blanket draped over them. Ian clutched Addison's arm, and she draped her other one around Ians' back, hugging them tightly.
"Sh-sh, I got you. I got you, Ian." Addison whispered while continuously running her fingers through their hair. Ian could only sob harder at the notion that Addison saw them like this. Weeping on the ground, shaking and wailing like a fucking baby.
Quickly, they pulled away, attempting to compose themselves. They whipped their eyes off the tears that only continued to fall.
"Addison! H-Haha, what a surprise," they said, letting out a low, almost silent laugh.
"Ian- don't. Ian- I know you need help! Don't just push me away." Addison spoke firmly, not fully letting go of her companion.
"You don't know anything!" They snapped, pulling their arm completely away.
"What I need is to fix this algorithm; I-I know it can be fixed; I just need to try harder. I can't give up, Addison. I'm so close!"
"Ian, you told me that when things got dark, you'd let me be there for you. So please, just let me keep my promise!" Addison pried.
"Well, that was before I found out that all of this, down to Ben leaping to begin with. I-It's all my fault! Addison, you should hate me!"
"BUT I DON'T HATE YOU!" Addison screamed, stopping Ian in their tracks.
And the little voice in the back of Ian's head was screaming, why not? Why doesn't she hate them? After everything they would do in the future, how could Addison trust them or even want to breathe in the same space as them?
Ian's words came out in a whisper, "Why? Why don't you I-I, I did this. Why won't you hate me?"
Addison paused, thinking about what she was going to say, "Because you are my best friend, Ian. Whatever you do, whatever happens, I know you; I know you would never hurt me or Ben. You are the smartest, funniest, most genuine person I know! And I trust you unconditionally."
Addison scooted over to where Ian was huddled next to their smashed keyboard and flipped chair. Instead of crowding them, she showed them the palm of her hand, reaching out to where they sat.
"I don't know what's going on, but I know that when I walked in here, it wasn't me you were seeing. Ian, I know that feeling. And I understand if you don't want to talk right now, but out of everyone on this team, I think I would understand what it's like to have flashbacks."
Ian took a deep, shaky breath and brought their hand to Addison's, grasping it weakly. Addison squeezed it slightly, smiling at them with a warm smile they didn't deserve.
"It's just- it's stupid, it's nothing compared to what you went through in the army. You'd laugh." Ian spoke blankly, staring at the floor.
Addison frowned at that response but didn't let go of Ian's hand.
"Try me," she spoke firmly.
Ian took a deep breath; the words started quiet but eventually began to spill out like tears after a broken leg.
"I was walking back to my apartment after a night out with Rachel the other night. S-she had wanted to meet up after we spoke a few weeks ago." Despite everything, Ian had a smile on their face while talking about Rachel.
"That night, some assholes at the bar we were at bothered us, but we thought nothing of it. I'm used to it; she's used to it. We usually just ignore it or leave. After a while, they stopped, and we assumed they couldn't get a reaction out of us and fucked off to somewhere else." Ian sighed, biting their lips, and Addison nodded, listening intently.
"But, I- ha, I guess I was wrong. Later, after we parted ways, I was walking back; Rachel had gone the opposite direction and-"Ian froze, their other hand not gripping Addison's began to shake.
"And then?" Addison continued gently, wrapping an arm around Ian's back.
"Those assholes were following me. I don't know how I didn't notice; I mean, I was slightly tipsy, but nothing serious. But they had been following me, and they- they started to harass me verbally and started calling me all the slurs in the book. I- I shouldn't have said anything; I should have just ignored it, but with everything going on right now with the anti-trans legislation, they hit a nerve in me, and I taunted them."
-
"Oh yeah, your so original, calling the gay trans person a fag! Well done! You want a fucking medal?"
-
"They- they beat me, tore up my dress, spat in my face. Told me the world would be better if I- if- well, y'know."
"Holy shit, Ian, I'm so sorry." Addison spoke in a hush voice.
"I went home that night and- I don't know why, but I considered it. Not for long, but I did. And that scared me Addison. I-I haven't felt like that since I was a kid. I just- I don't know why it affected me so much; I'm usually so strong when it comes to immature bigotry." Ian pondered, and a tinge of anger infected their voice.
"Ian, look at me," Addison spoke fervently.
"You are so strong. The fact that you went through that and still came to work the day after is something I could never do." Ian shook their head to themselves, not listening to Addison's praises.
"I know you told me you got over what happened when you were a kid. But I wonder if instead of getting over it, you've just compartmentalized it back in your mind. I think you tend to do that." At that, Ian laughed.
"Wow, Addison, when'd you get your degree in psychology-haha!" Ian giggled, attempting to make light of the emotionally compromising position they had been put in.
Addison laughed with Ian but gave them a knowing smile, to which Ian returned.
"Hey, I just want you to know that even if your brain tells you that what you're going through is too embarrassing, or weird, or whatever, I'll be here; I won't leave your side, Ian."
At that, Ian gave Addison an embrace, which was returned almost immediately, Addison putting her hand through Ian's hair.
"Addison?"
"Mm," Addison whispered.
"Thank you."