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In between his past and current life, Xiao Zhan believes he’s made something heinously terrible to have such an occurrence happen to him.
In fact, he wasn’t supposed to think about that right now. Not inside a dressing room with makeup artists arranging his face in a thousand charming ways. His different face; a face he wasn’t born with.
He was supposed to be screaming, rushing to take a train towards Chongqing. There’s a fucking mountain of documents waiting for a review before Su-laoshi arrives knocking at his door asking to see the next project, and Xiao Zhan was supposed to be at his house, beneath his duvet, procrastinating. He was supposed to be overthinking for better reasons. He should be freaking out about design details he’s yet to finish instead of freaking out for not waking up in his own goddamn body.
Thing is, perhaps he’s still dreaming.
Every time Xiao Zhan takes a look in the mirror, a giant stretch of question marks form in his head. Two hours earlier, he woke up in the embarrassing nightwear of a fluffy cow (he’s gonna admit that was a very comfortable pajamas, but still), the bedside alarm ringing for an appointment named “ddu 8.0. rehrl tmrw” that he could not, and he begrudgingly tried, to understand what it meant.
But damn, the body problem can be left out for another time. Xiao Zhan worries more about the design he hadn’t finished. Also about the fact that wherever his body was, someone must’ve been with it too; and if they didn’t know how to fix the lighting, spherical representations, and graphic position of the 3D site projection he was next working in, his boss was definitely gonna fire him.
He prays that if the person under his body doesn’t have a degree, they’d at least be good at making excuses for not being kicked out of the company. But isn’t that too much to ask of a universe that pulled him through that situation in the first place?
Xiao Zhan hisses a curse. The voice that comes out clearly doesn’t belong to him.
Well. I’m certainly, utterly, royally fucked.
When was the last time I felt this relaxed after one night’s sleep?
It’s the first thought Wang Yibo has when he wakes up.
Overall, he’s not dressed in his previous cow pajamas, the ones he hides away when he gets out of bed so others won’t catch him in such ridiculous nightwear (but the pajamas were so cozy he couldn’t sleep without them, damn it). Instead, he’s dressed in even more ridiculous Spongebob pants and an oversized shirt filled with tiny cat drawings. The more strange thing, however, is that he feels like his bedroom ceiling was supposed to be white instead of dark brown and the mattress should not feel that small, unless science has lied to him and he could indeed grow some inches taller in the middle of the night.
When sets foot on the ground, Yibo’s sure that he grew taller. When he rubs his eyes, he’s sure his hands looked bigger than that. When he heads to the bathroom, yawning along the way, a little bit too sleepy-dazed to consciously think that this wasn’t his holy room, he washes his face in the rustic sink and glances at the reflection.
And then… he stares at the image for a minute, entranced by the hallucination.
Then he methodically touches his face.
Alright. So maybe he’s differently looking than he thought.
But he’s sure he had lighter eyes, lighter hair, a thinner mouth, rounder cheeks, a smaller nose, less bone structure ━ and he’s certainly less handsome than the image staring at him from the other side of the mirror. He gives some credit to that dream, it did come up with a nice appearance.
Yeah, nice. That’s just nice.
Dreams are supposed to end sometime… aren’t they?
Yibo touches the mole beneath that mouth, the skin on his fingers feeling too real for his own sanity. In a strike of lightning, he pinches his cheek, feeling a pain that warrants a groan from his lips, and oh shit, this isn’t his fucking voice.
Pinching his shoulder, then his arms countless times, doesn’t make the dream end. When he closes and opens his eyes, he’s facing the same wide irises as before. The same bathroom mirror he’s never seen, the same ridiculous Spongebob pajamas that obviously don’t belong in his wide collection of cool clothes.
“What in the actual fuck.”
What. In. The. Actual. Fucking. Fuck.
“Didi… are you feeling alright?” the calm voice of Wang Han startles Xiao Zhan.
Wang Han. The guy his mother couldn’t stop talking about.
The same man Xiao Ning apparently used to worship, saying she was in love with him during her teenage years, for the jealousy of his father.He might not check the news or the TV that often, but he surely remembers his mother throwing a monologue about how Wang Han was so charming during their younger years and all that. A celebrity that wasn’t supposed to be there at all. Or maybe Xiao Zhan wasn’t supposed to be there at all.
But since the reality of the moment punches him in the gut and the touch on his shoulder feels too scarily real to still believe it’s some kind of hallucination, he creates another theory: well… he’s quite possibly dead.
It’s a good explanation, other than having his body stolen. Xiao Zhan must’ve died during his sleep and reincarnated into another dimension, or whatever those crazy stuff scientists said happens in the afterlife. His body should be now lying unconscious, his neighbors will probably notice the quietness and get suspicious, then, shit, when the cops break over his house they shall find Xiao Zhan’s body dressed in ridiculous Spongebob pants!
Damn, he doesn’t want to be buried in Spongebob pants… but it’s not like anyone expects death to literally punch them out to another dimension. Poor Jianguo must be waiting for her food, and his boss must be stressed out of her mind that he hasn’t appeared with the paperwork yet. However, if he’s truly dead, there’s nothing he could do...
“Didi?” Wang Han calls again. “Did you hear me?”
Xiao Zhan swallows dry. “Yeah... I’m alright.”
I am not alright.
Please give my Jianguo back.
Even with a positive answer, Wang Han and two older men backstage eye him suspiciously. Xiao Zhan wonders if he’ll pull multiverse chaos by telling everyone that he isn’t who they think he is. And to make things worse, he doesn’t know who he is.
Everyone keeps taking photographs with high-tech cameras; two assistants dry his hair, and one of them fixes his clothes, but no one tells him his name. It’d be weird asking people what his name was though, he’d be like one of those time-travelers who keep causing trouble for wandering around too much, so Xiao Zhan stays quiet (also because it’s really damn strange to hear this unknown voice coming out of his mouth ((not his mouth, but he’s gonna ignore that fact also)).
No one talks about the exact date either, but if his theory proves to be right, maybe it’s not so far off from the day he first went to sleep and died. Oh, lord. That’s a tragic story, dying in the middle of the night in his barely 30s. If the situation wasn’t as complicated as it is, it’d be a good time to laugh sardonically.
A staff member rushes him into a decorated stage with a microphone in his hands, the people sitting in the audience clapping after his presence gets acknowledged. The lights are so blinding that Xiao Zhan feels a headache arriving, and he thinks, seriously, what horrible ordeal is this, what have I done to deserve this fate?!
But no one rescues him. So now he’s standing in the middle of a stage, ready for an apparent recording. A recording. One of those celebrity routines, perhaps. Right, Xiao Zhan already discovered he’s a big deal here in this universe ━ but the fact is especially clear now that the women in the audience scream even if he’s doing absolutely nothing.
He politely greets three guests coming from backstage, the illumination intensifying and the screen alerting the beginning of a new episode, then Wang Han starts speaking into the microphone.
And, well, Xiao Zhan goes along with the show.
But he’s good at guessing. So here’s what he gets: he’s a celebrity from Beijing who’s a TV host of a weekly show, and, since no one comments on the fact he’s being too quiet, that’s probably part of his usual demeanor; his name is Wang Yibo, something he discovers from how the older guest greets him; they’re recording a section where female and male celebrities talk about their romantic dates ideas; he likes motorcycles, and everybody knows he likes motorcycles, because the female guest says “I think it’s quite cool that men like Wang-laoshi have sport bikes and take on racing as a hobby”; he’s also an actor, if the clip where he’s starring on a drama with a beautiful lady presents any hint to go by.
At first, he doesn’t pay much attention to what the guests are saying, until a particular comment spurs him out of the trail of thoughts about a possible dimension mess-up.
“My wife believes in the power of meteors though,” a spiky-haired man says. “Last night she made popcorn and we watched the stars from our balcony, just because she thinks it’s a mystical event that must be watched closely. She believes in fate, so of course I watched it beside her.”
Many people in the audience swoon at the comment. Wang Han, together with the other hosts he’s yet to learn the names of, giggles at the mention of such a romantic gesture. Meanwhile, Xiao Zhan spots the screen making heart figures all around the man’s face.
He doesn’t hesitate on asking, “What meteor?”
“You know… the rain of meteors last night, here in Beijing,” the man explains. “It was really beautiful. My wife even made a wish, saying that the universe waits for this kind of chance to work on people’s lives. She’s very superstitious.”
Wang Han touches his shoulder again. “Eh? Didi, didn’t you know about the meteors?”
Oh, dear. If only he did.
Xiao Zhan knows enough fiction movies to understand what’s happening now.
It takes him three cups of black coffee, a well-deserved rest in that fancy room his manager (for heaven’s sake, he has a manager) leads him to with his bodyguards (for heaven’s sake, he’s got bodyguards), and a long period of researching about yesterday’s meteor shower to conceive the idea in his mind.
Apparently, this specific event occurs once every 23 years, for exactly 18 minutes and 13 seconds. Upon quick investigation, he discovers that the meteor crosses the orbit of Venus and forms a trail of cosmic dust that, seen from Earth, looks like giant stars. This dust lasts for some time before vanishing slowly, and since this meteor passes by on the same month of Valentine’s Day, most people believe in the mystical force this event brings, going as far as to call it “The Meteor of Crossed Fates”.
According to famous devotees of mysticism online, this circumstance brings together a year of luck and a period of harmony in everyone’s love life. Better yet if they decide to make a wish simultaneously as the meteors are reveling through the sky.
But Xiao Zhan doesn’t remember making a wish. In fact, he doesn’t even remember hearing about the meteors happening. As busy as he was with the current project, he spent the last week shoving his face into work, barely even glancing at the window or checking social media apps.
So that could only mean fate? He and this guy, have the meteor decided that they’re destined to meet? Damn, Xiao Zhan’s grandmother talked about fated meetings before, but he prefers not to believe in them. He prefers ignoring that fact altogether to make another inspection on the internet, soon discovering more about the life of the man he’s currently residing in.
Wang Yibo.
The coolest guy from Luoyang, as most articles say. So far, he’s got pictures from fansites (he’s gotta admit, none of them actually need photoshopping, because the man’s truly a gorgeous youth in the mirror as well as through the camera lenses… as a photographer, Xiao Zhan can see the appeal), articles about his life and lists of dramas he’s participated in.
That’s what deserves his attention at the moment:
- Wang Yibo was born in 1997, which means he’s six years younger than Xiao Zhan. He has already realized, just from sprawling his hands on the chubby cheeks of that body’s face, that he’s someone fairly young, but the reality really shocks him a bit. Perhaps he’s getting too old…
- Wang Yibo performs as a dancer, an actor, a racer, a rapper, and a TV host. Those guys from backstage were his brothers from the show Day Day Up, to which he has been engaging since he was 18 years old. The boy has too many hobbies for his own good.
- He doesn’t have a girlfriend. Thank God. He’d hate to put both the girlfriend and the guy in such a situation, yet that also means he still doesn’t have access to Yibo’s phone, and Xiao Zhan rationally thought that perhaps with a girlfriend he’d discover an important date to try using as a password.
- He’s got a lot of fans. Like… truly a lot, probably too much. That’s worrying, since it puts him in a sense of trying to act like the cool person they ought him to be, instead of freaking out in public every now and then for not being in his own life. That means he, unfortunately, got the responsibility of maintaining the career of a stranger. Damn.
It’d be great if this Wang Yibo guy was stupid in real life. This way Xiao Zhan could have a valid reason to hate that freaking fortune, and once they’re back to their bodies, never acknowledge that situation again.
But first things first: he must find a way to communicate with the younger man.
Lucky for him, at least he has a loyal staff in the middle of this mess. And his dear host brothers, like any other annoying brothers, must know something about the password.
“Hello…?”
Wang Yibo freezes.
He stops touching the painting over the room’s desk, the recent ink leaving a stain on his fingers. It was the first thing that caught his attention after walking out of the bathroom. Another thing that caught his attention was that he seemed to be falling under a state of madness ━ or hallucination. He’s heard that it’s common for a man who works as much as him to suffer from those illnesses, right?
And he’s certainly right to think that he’s gone mad, the point making itself clear when he picked up the call from a stranger’s phone with an odd wallpaper of a Van Gogh art ━ that, for God’s sake, it’s quite distant from the wallpaper of a motorbike from his real phone ━ and listens to his own fucking voice.
His own voice. Coming from another person.
Another person. What’s going on?!
“Oh my god…” he mutters, in absolute shock. “Oh my fucking god, there’s no fucking way. This is my voice, isn’t it?! I swear you have my voice! You stole my voice!”
“Not just your voice. If you didn’t notice, I also stole your original body.”
Yibo touches the body he’s presently in, once again just to check the reality of the situation. He couldn’t conceive the idea that such a fictional, unworldly event had to happen with him, out of all people. The guy on the phone certainly must be a wizard of sorts!
“This was you too?! No! No, no, no━”
“We stole each other’s bodies, actually. I have yours and you have mine,” the demonic entity on the other side interrupts, smooth and unbothered in a way that creeps Yibo to the core. “If you’re wondering, no, I don’t know how to change back. I’m just as confused as you are.”
“Why aren’t you freaking out? How can you be this goddamn calm?” before he’s conscious enough to notice, Yibo was already screaming his lungs out: “ARE YOU A SORCERER?! DID YOU PUT ME UNDER A SPELL?!”
You know, he was right in fighting with his mom that witchery was real and they should wear garlic necklaces around their necks to protect themselves from the cults and… and everything else ━ vampires maybe, do vampires also fear garlic? Or is it the other way around? Will he have his body back if he gathers a bunch of garlic and shower in them or━
“You know,” the guy sighs, “not everything’s about you.”
“I WANT MY BODY BACK!”
“I do too! But can you please stop shouting? If my annoying neighbor hears you, I’m sure she’s gonna try to cast me out for real this time,” another sigh. “Calm down and listen, we’re gonna find out how to solve this, okay? Can you try to contain yourself for me?”
At first, Yibo almost let outs another scream. He’s got the urge to talk back, for the sake of freaking out. Because goddamnit, he had the fucking reason; if a normal man didn’t freak out during that situation, God knows what lies in such an indifferent heart. Looking at the reflection in a nearby little mirror, he takes about three minutes of silence to quiet down a load of agonizing shrieks coming from his mind.
The man on the phone possessing his voice ━ the sorcerer, the devil, the bastard! ━, endures the silence alongside him. Calmly waiting for a reply, perhaps a coherent conversation. Even aware that the man should be someone to blame for the circumstance, Yibo finds himself unable to tell him that he’s possibly waiting too much and that he couldn’t think straight at the moment.
So he breathes deeper. Through the mirror, he contemplates the body he’s in: the appearance of a guy just a little past Yibo’s age, a tad tanner and taller; darker hair, prominent cheekbones, and a slim silhouette.
Again, the perfect picture of an attractive man. Not a bad body to be in, but a terrible moment to be in someone else’s body. Why does this kind of shit happen to him again?!
“Shit,” he presses his stomach, a bit nauseous. “Shit, I feel like throwing up.”
“Just not on my carpet, please.”
“Your carpet,” Yibo looks down, a brown carpet that certainly doesn’t belong to his apartment right under his feet. Wait, not his feet. These are not his fucking feet. “Right. Because this is your house.”
“Yeah. Did you finish freaking out?”
“Not actually, no.”
“You’re gonna get there.”
“Does switching bodies with random people happen to you on a daily basis? Because I’m gonna tell you, it doesn’t to me!” a petty irritation rises in his chest. “Are you sure you’re not a wizard? Have you checked with your family?”
“A couple of times, doesn’t matter now. Look, I understand this is crazy, and believe me, I also had a hard time thinking I’d gone mad. But if you freak out, I’ll also freak out, and I think there should be a person acting rationally here. For both our sake, we should try to solve this like mature adults.”
He stops to calm his heart from racing out of control. It’s a bit difficult for one’s mind to concentrate on not hyperventilating, but the sorcerer was indeed right. On every TV movie he watches about atypical situations, the more they freak out the less they solve the problem, and damn it, Yibo wants to solve the problem as fast as possible.
Still, he wishes he could just forget that was happening.
“I don’t wanna solve this like a mature adult,” he mutters to himself. “I wanna get under the blankets and call my mother.”
“I feel that, really,” the guy chuckles lightly. “But I’m sure you want your life back just as much as I do. So let’s try to act composed, alright?
“I simply don’t get it. This is… this is unimaginable, I don’t think something like body swapping would ever happen to anyone outside TV shows. Science should’ve warned everyone about this! Why are we stuck like this?!”
“That’s a good question. The universe works in mysterious ways, I guess… ”
The pseudo-sorcerer clears his throat, apparently uninterested in deepening that subject. Yibo doesn’t even have the serenity of mind to wonder why that’d be.
“How do you suggest we deal with this?”
“First, let’s introduce ourselves, shall we? I can’t believe we’re doing this, but let’s go. I’m Xiao Zhan, I’m 31 years old and I’m a graphic designer. That’s the body you’re currently in, hi, I’m the owner,” Yibo touches his current face, going with the flow of Xiao Zhan’s (or should he say his own?) voice. “If you didn’t notice, you’re in Chongqing, my hometown. I’ve been living there forever, I think. Oh, and you are now under the tough responsibility of caring for my job in a design company. I know it’s sudden, but, well… who would have predicted this? I don’t have siblings or lovers, so you don’t need to worry about keeping a façade. But you have friends that’ll discover the truth if you don’t act properly, so we’ll have to set patterns.”
Chongqing, Xiao Zhan, design company job, thirty-one years old, friends, no lovers… wait a minute. Thirty-one years old? Yibo’s eyes widen, the reflection of the dark brown irises growing and sending shivers down his spine.
“You can’t possibly be thirty-one years old!”
“Yeah, born in the 1991s. Year of the sheep.”
“Damn, dude, you’re fine!”
Xiao Zhan makes a surprised noise, then a whine that sounds embarrassed.
He can’t avoid blushing a little at the claim Yibo barely noticed coming out of his mouth. However, it’s definitely not a lie. In another life, he’d have loved to be that handsome, but that’s a thought for when he’s finished setting on his head that he’s on another man’s body in the first place.
“Hmn… thanks. It’s your turn.”
This Xiao Zhan guy probably can’t handle compliments. Being on Yibo’s body, he’ll have to learn how to. It’ll be good training for his self-esteem.
“I’m Wang Yibo,” he says. “I dance.”
“I’m not gonna lie, I looked you up on the internet after people mentioned your name backstage. You’re six years younger than me, I’ll have to learn how to act young again. And not just dance, you host too, apparently?”
It’s a rhetorical question of course, especially because Xiao Zhan admitted that he looked him up on the internet (wait, does this mean he never heard about Yibo before this?!), but he’s feeling like bragging a bit. Just a bit, only because he can.
“I also act. And race. And skateboard. And model. And rap. And I━”
“Could’ve settled for the dancing part.”
“I do all that, and I do it very well, so you better keep my reputation intact.”
“I’ll try very hard, I promise you.”
Yibo coughs, hiding his confidence a little to spare the sorcerer. He walks past the bedroom, down the corridor, and into the living room; it’s surprising how nice it is to walk on long legs, taking a better portion of the ground to reach places in short seconds. Odd how tall people have those little privileges. He’ll be sure to enjoy that while he can, because, you know, small mercies.
The main space was full of classical painting frames, together with some pictures of Xiao Zhan with other people. A humble apartment, more compact than his own. Not to mention the sofa, which seems quite comfier than the dull sitting stone he’s got in his house.
“Hmn…” Yibo gets back on track. “I don’t have siblings either. No lovers, you know how the idol gig is. But I do have friends. You won’t be seeing them much because… also because of the idol gig. Han-ge and my other brothers are the only close people I have, and my manager will kill you if you are impolite to others, even though the industry has a lot of worse dickheads.”
Xiao Zhan laughs. Yibo has never heard himself laugh before. It’s kinda bizarre.
“Thanks for the warning. She seemed indeed a bit terrifying, I felt like she was about to punch me when I left the recording of your TV show earlier. But I didn’t try to ruin your career, I was just… freaking out because of the situation.”
“Because this is creepy,” he reasons, once again stating the fact for reality’s check. “This is goddamn creepy and science owes us an explanation.”
“The more you think about how creepy it is, the more creepy it’ll become.”
“I don’t know… life’s freaking weird, man.”
“Yeah, that’s an understatement,” Xiao Zhan chuckles again and Yibo holds himself back from saying, ‘can you please stop, the last thing I want is to hear myself doing human sounds at all?’
He doesn’t want to be one of those people in TV shows that can’t keep their shit together and ruin things by overreacting, then he swears to himself that’s fine. Yibo thinks on the positive side: at least the house was cozy, Xiao Zhan was quite calm in contrast to his demeanor and his body looked rather attractive. There should be worse bodies to be in, so he’ll take that into consideration.
“I believe from here onwards we can talk through WeChat, is there a problem? I’ll send you a message and if you need anything, you can call right away. But since we have to get behind each other’s skin and work on each other’s jobs, I think we could talk personally as soon as we can to create a routine method. Know important information, discuss getting our bodies back and all. Perhaps if I take a plane tomorrow, I get there by night and we can chat until━”
“You can’t! You have rehearsals! Wait, I have rehearsals, so that means you have rehearsals,” Yibo corrects himself. “I have a performance Saturday night! Well, I have a performance Saturday night, so that means you have a performance Saturday night… shit, this is so goddamn confusing.”
“A what now?”
“A performance! You better know how to dance.”
“To be honest, I don’t even know how to waltz.”
“Just shake your body or something!”
“How… how’s that supposed to work?”
Yibo almost does pity him. From the shake of his voice, it seems that Xiao Zhan was terrified at the prospect of dancing, and the idea of shaking his body must appear illogical to his brain. Nonetheless, he’s got a career to keep stable and it won’t help to pity the other man.
“It’s a choreography, there’s nothing complicated,” he explains, determined to make that do. “I’m gonna send you the video and you can just imitate it. I’ll help you with the moves, I’ll record myself and send you on ━ wait, what’s your password?”
“My pet’s birthday. March 27, 2019. Just type 270319.”
Yibo mouths the code, engraving it in his mind for when he has to unlock the phone, but a thought crosses him at the same moment: “Wait, how did you know my password?!”
“Luckily, your host brothers knew it. I had to tease them saying that it was too hard and they’d never discover so they could prove me wrong, and it worked. I nailed your personality quickly, you know.”
Wang Han will listen to a scold when he gets back, for never telling him that he knew his password. How could he know if his brothers hadn’t checked his phone before?! Although, having experienced his older friends’ loyalty first-hand, they’d never do anything to betray him in such a manner. But that doesn’t mean Yibo wouldn’t make sure to change his password as soon as he returns to his body.
His current code was the day he won his first race, but the next one shall be the date that he bought his first motorbike! There you go, there’s no way someone would hack him. Xiao Zhan could interpret his personality from an internet search, but not his brilliant imagination.
“So you can nail my personality even better and blow everyone’s mind with that performance,” he declares, benefitting from Xiao Zhan’s confidence. “I trust you, ge, take care of my life and I’ll care for yours too.”
The older man groans a little, regretting the words immediately.
“This performance on Saturday… no chance to cancel it?”
“I don’t think so. It’s a big show with a lot of influential people. I didn’t want to do it either, it’s the same day I had a get-together with my former band members, even tried negotiating with my manager, but still… you gotta do this. I wish you didn’t, but we’ll have to.”
“You know how I promised to keep your reputation intact?” Xiao Zhan whispers, voice less firm than before. “I take that back. I’m sorry, but I suck at this. I definitely am too old and stiff and━”
“You cannot be freaking out just because of a dance performance. We can’t have that! You are not too old to dance or shit like that, everything’s gonna be fine. If it’ll make you feel better, I can take a plane,” Yibo looks at the living room again, the kitchen decoration, and the medium-sized TV. He wonders if Xiao Zhan’s income shall undergo a plane ticket to Beijing without further issue. “Yeah, that way we can see each other, I’ll stay in a hotel and━”
“You can’t come now, I have a project due today! My boss will fire me!”
“A project for today? Well, please tell me it’s ready,” he sighs. “You’re not a procrastinator, are you? Can I only just deliver it? Because I’m dumb, Xiao Zhan, I swear I’m dumb at being smart.”
“You don’t have to create any design or something like that.”
“Thank God!”
“It’s an online meeting, and I have to present. I’ll just teach you how to prepare the file, make the right corrections, change the paragraph font that I despised, edit some parts I’ve mistaken, and download the project to show them. It won’t take long.”
“You’re kidding me,” Yibo answers drily.
“It really won’t take long. I’ll send you a tutorial. Everything’s gonna work out, you just said it yourself! And for the rehearsal… maybe we can create a scheme: you go to my job presentation with the file we’ll work on, then you come here to Beijing tomorrow and we can train for the performance. During this, we talk to each other through WeChat or calls. Any unknown person or detail, we can make lists to ask later when we can’t discuss at the moment.”
“Right. I get it.”
“I checked my schedule earlier. Better yet, your busy schedule. There’s enough time to teach you about the presentation, but apparently there’s a photoshoot this afternoon… we can examine these gigs of yours tonight after we’re both done, perhaps? You explain everything to me and I explain to you about my job as a designer?”
“Sure. Of course, you are… you are busy.”
I’m the one that should be busy! I’m the one that should be basking in my fan’s adoration and being pampered by the studio and laughing with my ges without trouble. And I should be the one dancing on that fucking stage Saturday night. I’d rock that.
But the universe isn’t fair. That’s a recent discovery of Yibo’s.
“Great. Any input?”
“Yes. What… what do I do with the cat?”
Yibo tried to ignore the presence of a tiny body trailing around the kitchen groundings and purring, the little ears picking on the voice of his owner. But when the cat stopped by the room just staring at him as if it could see his soul, he couldn’t take it anymore.
Your owner is Xiao Zhan, not me. You can’t judge me no matter how confused you are by the face change, because, you know, I also am! ━ he tries to telepathically communicate with the kitten, but the animal lets no meow of understanding.
“Oh, that’s Jianguo! She’s my baby! ” Xiao Zhan agitates at the mention as if he’s genuinely talking about his beloved human child. “I beg you to take care of her, she’s kind of clumsy like me and ends up knocking herself on the table, things like that. But she’s a normal kitten, besides being a cute angel. Her food’s above the kitchen sink, on the second cabinet. Just carry on the usual cat treatment.”
Cat owners are always like this and Xiao Zhan isn’t an exception. Jianguo doesn’t care about who’s feeding her, who’s scratching her butt or who’s giving her showers; but cat lovers adore their little wicked beings with strength, like the blood of their blood. Therefore, Yibo supposes it’s impolite not to do the same. It’s him and Jianguo; Jianguo and Yibo, trying to discover the singularities of this big confusing universe.
“What’s the usual cat treatment?”
“You never had a cat before?”
“Never had a pet before.”
“I see,” Xiao Zhan hums. “Cats are kinda simple. Mom used to say that felines are like teenagers. First, you feed them; secondly, you advise that when they go out alone they don’t get themselves hurt and at last you pray they’ll at least come back home to sleep.”
“Oh. Fair enough.”
“You’re both gonna get along fine, I’m sure.”
Well, Yibo isn’t so sure. The cat’s looking at him as if she’s planning to suffocate him at night to eat his body bit by bit; Yibo should urgently put the food next to her or she’ll change her diet from fresh fish to the meat of a Beijing idol.
He finds the necessary food for Jianguo’s meals exactly as Xiao Zhan noted down. That might be the least of their troubles, then. Letting Jianguo face him from the living room carpet for a minute, Yibo assumes he can take care of a pet.
Specifically, take care of a cat. What an unexpected mess.
“So… you know how we can deal with this, right? Cool, you know more than I do. Now, the most important question: can you please tell me how we’re gonna get back to normal?”
Turns out, that’s the part Xiao Zhan is yet to figure out.
Wang Yibo never worried about making room for guests, neither cared about cooking well, so he’s had a hard time figuring things out for his first apartment. At the time, fame started getting bigger, friends vanished and his family was preoccupied; the acting routine prevented him from hiring a decorator, therefore he bought an apartment with furniture close to the studio.
Not too simple, not too fancy, just modest enough. Not too cozy, not too extravagant, just a plain residence. But a lonely residence doesn’t make a home, regardless of a nice couch or beautiful paintings on the wall. Yibo has been alone ever since rising as an idol and never saw a reason for making his apartment comfy.
Xiao Zhan’s residence is, in turn, very lived-in. There are a lot of paintings around, which, from the signature on the corner, he guesses were painted by Xiao Zhan himself. From the scratches at the bottom of the chairs, he can guess they were little destructions from Jianguo, sitting in the corridor like the picture-perfect of an angel ━ but even the scratches don’t change the fact that the house it’s comfortable and beautiful.
It is a kind of beauty that you don’t get from a decorator. It is that kind of beauty that you get from transforming the place into an image of yourself, of an aesthetic that matches your personality. And he admits that he’s a bit envious.
If it wasn’t for the pictures, old cameras on the TV shelf, books spread on the table, plants and interesting trinkets all around, Yibo’s sure that the place would look like a simple apartment devoid of appeal. Would Xiao Zhan accept selling that house to him, furniture and all? Or perhaps accept a roommate, if he’s ever willing to share rent? He can’t just move from Beijing to Chongqing, forsaking the career he so much struggled to maintain, but it doesn’t hurt to dream.
Wait. No, it does hurt!
He shouldn’t think about those concerns just moments after suffering the worst and most terrifying experience of his life! He shouldn’t think about life-changing perspectives in such a short matter of time, nor think about the positive sides of Xiao Zhan when meeting the man for barely a day! So Yibo shakes his head to get a hold of himself, and walks into the kitchen for a glass of cold water.
“You’re mad,” he tells himself. “Stop overthinking. Focus, Yibo, focus!”
There are two rooms in the apartment, the second one being for supposed guests and the bigger bedroom where Xiao Zhan sleeps. At the end of the corridor, an office full of canvas, more books, a laptop and a square table can be found. While the spaces present plenty of stuff to look at, the kitchen’s a different matter altogether.
It seems that Xiao Zhan has a terrible eating habit that consists of buying a hundred flavors of Lays chips. Seriously, it’s like the guy has been stocking for a zombie apocalypse. Not that Yibo doesn’t understand the forever imminent danger of a zombie attack out of nowhere (scientists have already omitted the information that people can, in fact, swap bodies, so what else could they be hiding?), but the amount of unhealthy food gathered in the cabinets actually concerns him.
“Xiao-laoshi… how are you still alive?” Yibo sighs. “This can’t do.”
Checking if Jianguo was watching him (no, too interested in a bug near a plant in the living room) and if there are cameras around (also no, he’s not being recorded all the time like in his original life), Yibo takes some of the chips out of the cabinet and throws them away.
It is, after all, a matter of caring for Xiao Zhan’s health and his own. Who knows if he’ll suffer from a heart illness in this body? The guy should thank him when he’s back, he’s preventing hospital expenses.
To pettily provoke the man, Yibo types the phone password Xiao Zhan confided in and searches for his own number on WeChat. Giving a suitable name for the man who’s put him in that situation turns out to be quite easy.
And after sending the first message, it doesn’t take long for Xiao Zhan to reply.
Me:
you know, you could eat some vegetables sometimes
evil sorcerer:
I don’t like them. And you’re sounding like my mom.
Me:
dude i cant live like this.
whats your credit card pin
ill buy some stuff later
evil sorcerer:
You’re getting a bit too far.
There’s no need for this.
Me:
vegetables are good, i want them
evil sorcerer:
Who in the heavens likes vegetables when you have chips and junk food?
Me:
i do. a lot of people do. shut up
if we’re gonna do this, i need to feel good
and i like eating food i enjoy to feel good.
and i do like vegetables alright
Xiao Zhan takes his time before answering, as if he’s genuinely thinking about where he’s got himself into. Yibo can’t blame him, he’s still wondering how his night-to-morning turned into a chaos where you’ve got to change your preferences and, well, literally swap lives with a stranger.
Although imagining there’s probably an underlying condition for this event to occur, it’s a big shot to assume Xiao Zhan knows something about it. He can be intelligent all he wants and comprehend all he wants, yet supernatural occasions like this mustn’t be what he’s accustomed to. It’s not something anyone was accustomed to, right? They can certainly find more details together. Science omitted the universe’s shocking gifts before, but they’ll have their bodies back, and Yibo wants to be hopeful.
“Is it too straightforward to take a shower?” he questions out loud, wandering throughout the corridor and watching himself in the mirror again. Jianguo meows, then he turns in her direction. “Jianguo, it’s not that I wanna see your owner’s body or something, but I really wanna take a shower. Is that weird?”
It’s probably weird. It would be weirder if he asked Xiao Zhan.
But it’s not as if they have a choice, is it? It’s not as if things could get weirder than this! Yibo goes to the bedroom’s wardrobe and spots fresh clothes in a variety of warm colors. Apparently, Xiao Zhan likes dressing in comfortable hoodies at home and long coats with office shirts outside ━ he’d say he has a great sense of style, but at this point, Yibo thinks he’s throwing too many compliments at the source of his terror.
Speaking of the devil, the phone finally beeps in his hand.
evil sorcerer:
That’s not actually a good excuse for me to tell you my credit card pin.
Yibo shall make him an offer he can’t refuse.
He types on the keyboard already smirking.
Me:
im rich, dont u know?
if you give me yours, ill give you mine
Jianguo meows again. She’s just a tiny little kitten with her tiny little legs at the bedroom doorstep, watching him with questioning eyes, and Wang Yibo drops the fear of her coldness to say, “What? Your father has to buy you food and all, doesn’t he?” he defends himself. “You can’t judge me and you can’t judge him, money interests us all.”
To prove that point, Xiao Zhan replies in a matter of seconds.
evil sorcerer:
Now we’re talking the same language.
Business done, then.
For the first time during that dreadsome day, he lets out a smile of amusement. If it was for the façade, he didn’t care about sharing some money, as he’s sure Xiao-laoshi thought the same.
He’s starting to get a hold of that life and how to act towards the guy who owns the body he’s in. Stubbornness covers only the thin surface of the depth Xiao Zhan holds ━ Yibo thinks that, since he’s already in hell, what’s the deal in embracing the devil?
And Xiao Zhan might just be a nice devil, to begin with.
The manager’s name was Song Meifen, he soon discovers. Her closed-off, almost annoyed appearance reminds Xiao Zhan of his own boss, Su Jiaying, and a wave of disquiet runs through his chest all at once. Will someone notice if he gets to work with a different attitude? Will Xuan Lu, Zhuocheng, Su-laoshi or Yan-laoshi notice that he’s someone else? After all, Yibo does seem to be very blunt, a trait that he doesn’t see in himself.
But Xiao Zhan can chill. While he shakes his head, he recovers his hope.
He’s been resting in the apartment his manager took him for almost an hour, typing the presentation instructions to the younger man; he feels so lazy at this point that he gets up from the cold, uncomfortable sofa and heads towards the kitchen as a motive to stretch his legs.
If he’s learned something within the last hour, it’s that a) Wang Yibo nurtures a terrible habit of only eating healthy stuff, from vegetables to cereal to fruits, and Xiao Zhan doesn’t understand why he’s doing it when the guy has money enough to buy an entire fast-food company, b) ever since he unlocked Yibo’s phone with his Day Day Up brothers’ help, he realized that, for a celebrity, he’s got nothing to hide except the fact that he’s exaggeratedly obsessed with games, either the racing or shooting ones, and c) he doesn’t have a pet, but his apartment is as messy as if he’s got one.
It’s too much of a plain house, Xiao Zhan would’ve hired a decorator for that, but Yibo does hide a lot of mess in his kitchen cabinets and wardrobe. Also, that man works like a horse, he’s never seen such a tight schedule!
“Yibo…” Xiao Zhan says, taking the printed weekly schedule from the counter. “Don’t you ever rest? I know I’m a workaholic, but even if I wanted to, my body couldn’t endure that amount of busy time.”
It’s safe to say he’s gravely sorry for the guy.
So far, he’s got a photoshoot, interview and a happy hour today. Another two photoshoots for tomorrow, a charity event next, three more interviews, two days shooting for a romantic drama, then recording an ad. The major problem seemed to be that Yibo was just an average famous man, working on an average schedule, however, since Xiao Zhan’s the one not accustomed to the routine, he perceives it as excessive.
Thanking all gods out there that there’s no appointment for an upcoming race, he shakes his head slowly. If he ever gets on a two-wheeled vehicle by himself, he’d probably break about twenty different bones. He can’t even ride a bicycle, surely he’d end Yibo’s career by riding a motorcycle.
Just as he’s thanking the universe one more time, the phone beeps.
Wang Yibo:
i wanna take a shower
Well, isn’t that great?
It’s not like Xiao Zhan’s embarrassed about his body; he’s been wishing to take a shower too, but he didn’t want to be the one sounding like a pervert!
That category now befalls the guy who’s currently asking to see his body naked. Not literally, yet he’ll take the theory on credit. You don’t hear that every day.
And Xiao Zhan is not blushing.
Me:
Please don’t take a shower.
Wang Yibo:
but its freaking hot today
i always take a shower in the mornings
Me:
It’s 1 P.M.
And it’s winter.
Wang Yibo:
i always take a hot shower on cold afternoons*
Alright, so maybe he’s blushing now. It’s not his fault, Yibo was a far image from the aloof idol he’s seen in the videos out there, the ones he watched to try and understand things better. Do people know that Yibo has cow pajamas so cute that it looks like he bought them from the children’s section? Do people know that he’s got a photo holding a parrot and smiling like an idiot? Do people know that he apparently writes things on the bedroom wall instead of just noting them down like a normal person?
Only Xiao Zhan got to see him like this, to live beneath the skin of his body, and he’s gonna admit it’s a little overwhelming. When he’s back on track, how will he properly function after knowing these things? Could he just sell this knowledge on the internet? Would people buy it?
He decides to leave that for later. Right now, he’s in a tough debate.
Wang Yibo:
come on, sometime you’ll have to take a shower in my body too
that is, if you didnt already.
and i wont be petty abt it
Me:
I didn’t take a shower.
It’d be impolite.
Wang Yibo:
we prob wont solve this quick
and i dont wanna feel stinky
Xiao Zhan refuses to stretch the argument, so he does what every reasonable person does in situations like this: he dodges the subject at hand.
Me:
What does “ctrct. sgn. bzr itvw trdy 4” means?
Wang Yibo:
you r changing the topic
ill tell you if you let me take a shower
im being very polite to ask first yknow
Me:
Also, is “hppy hr at 8” supposed to mean “happy hour at 8”?
Can’t you just spell correctly?
Wang Yibo:
it is. and i can spell correctly, just dont want to
its my phone, i dictate the rules!
and i will say nothing bf i shower
come on its not like i wanna see your cock or smth
contrary to popular belief im a gentleman
Me:
Don’t be GROSS!
I feel like I’m gonna regret this… but alright.
After you do, we can discuss the project properly.
Su-laoshi is a kind of boss that appears at my doorstep if she’s not satisfied.
Wang Yibo:
ur life sucks btw why do u have a boss like that
and itvw means interview, ctrct. sgn. means contract sign
bzr means bazaar the magazine, itvw means interview,
trdy means thursday and there you go.
are u ready for the rain of photoshoots?
basically you just put on a sexy face and pose for the pics
not so hard, but it sucks standing unmoved on the poses.
good thing im handsome doesnt matter the pose tho.
He laughs to himself and stops as soon as he feels weird out by the voice.
Me:
Are all idols as egocentric as you are?
Wang Yibo:
nah im just special
Me:
You’re not that handsome.
Wang Yibo:
even you know thats a lie
Yes, he knows that’s a lie.
After all, there’s no way to change the fact that Yibo glows wherever he’s in. Be it in the sets, hosting, racing, or dancing; he’s heard the youth’s particularly passionate about everything he’s prone to engage in. Xiao Zhan can appreciate the appeal of screaming over an idol that knows the care they put on cheering for him, who indeed does what’s in his power to help others, and who shows a true talent that can’t be seen in other celebrities nowadays.
And damn, isn’t he hot when doing that?
Xiao Zhan has watched enough content to understand the extent of others’ admiration, and his throat dried up when watching videos of Yibo dancing to the sluttiest of songs or showing an intense focus on the race track. Doesn’t matter what he’s dressing, doesn’t matter where he is, he shows sweetness and sensuality; power and determination.
Perhaps that’s what gets him the most. Perhaps that’s why Xiao Zhan turns off the phone and ignores further texts. Perhaps that’s why he avoids taking showers or looking in the mirrors.
Instead of replying, he tells himself he’ll shower another hour, when the night comes and he can be in the darkness of the bathroom. Xiao Zhan fetches a light coat, warning the manager he’s ready to go once the appointment reaches close to the due time.
He locks the house, sighing deeply.
Alright. It’s time to go be a cool guy.
The original cool guy sits in a kitchen counter, trying to understand how in the heavens do people choose design as their careers paths when this 3D project presentation Xiao Zhan guided him into completing seemed so damn confusing. Truly Satan’s wrongdoing to this world.
Right now, he watches Jianguo looking him over, catching him working things up in his father’s laptop. And Yibo’s too weak to not offer her a little of the noodles he’s eating (not bad and definitely not healthy, but it’s the only actual meal Xiao Zhan has in his cabinet right now).
The cat sniffs it, biting the noodles out of Yibo’s hand when realizing it’s indeed food.
“You’re cute,” Yibo smiles faintly. “You’re terrifying and strange, but you’re also very cute. Did you learn that with your father?”
He continues eating, sharing the food with Jianguo here and then, doing everything Xiao Zhan asks him to do over the messages.
Alright. He can be a good pet owner.
“Wang-laoshi, are you ready?”
Xiao Zhan stops texting, concluding the explanation to Yibo about his house keys, the files in his laptop, the data about design projects and information on his friends. The idea that someone else knows too much important, private matters about him does ignite his fear a little, but they’re together in this, and at least Yibo shares the same amount (also, being allowed to use Yibo’s unlimited credit card does comfort his poor dreams).
“Yes,” he says to the assistant. “Yes, of course.”
At the end of the day, the photoshoot went better than expected.
Once the camera lights are twinkling, Xiao Zhan uses the extended knowledge about photography that he learned before choosing a course in design. That means he knows which angles to use and which angles not to; which poses suit the camera lenses and which ones don’t. Gradually growing habituated to Yibo’s body, he disposes of some confidence to understand which sides are sexier or cuter.
He’s not gonna lie, it’s still goddamn odd to be in someone else’s skin that way. To pretend to be someone he’s not, to have the money he doesn’t, to be in the place of someone who’s absolutely not him. The mind inside that shorter stature isn’t Wang Yibo’s, it’s just Xiao Zhan. And when he looks in the mirror, a puzzling sentiment arises at the bottom of his stomach, akin to a seasickness.
Xiao Zhan might know more about the reasons behind the circumstance, but that doesn’t change a thing. They must still find a way to get their lives back, and they must pretend to be one another; also, if they want to talk about their situation personally, they must wait for when they aren’t busy with other appointments (even though being an idol was a big appointment all the time).
The universe chose a bloody awful moment to inconvenience them, with both having these schedules to work on. They’ve been forsaken, they’ve been unworthy of mercy in this world ━ look at the unfairness of it all!
“Wang-laoshi, can you turn on your left, please?”
Xiao Zhan does. He leans on the chair, wearing a dark blue overcoat that makes part of a winter collection for a famous brand. After leaning, Xiao Zhan takes his hands out of his pocket (Yibo has much bigger hands than him, just looking at those long fingers causes curious shivers down his neck) and places them beneath his chin.
Aware of the impact that movement has on everyone in the room, Xiao Zhan narrows his eyes a little, remembering what Yibo said about keeping his reputation intact. As long as he’s concerned, he shall do his best to keep the façade. And the Wang Yibo everyone knows it’s the ideal demonstration of a cool man.
The eyes of the camera assistant glow. “This is outstanding!”
Keeping on the pose for the pics with the next coat, a black one with white highlights, Xiao Zhan leans his face a little to the side, towards the other shoulder. That way, it makes him seem a little lonely, found by the eyes of someone else. He consumed enough photography and literature pieces of media to understand the appeal.
Besides, the pictures on the internet of the esteemed Wang Yibo provide him with an interesting background. The guy truly is handsome, he won’t lie anymore, and he does have the chance to pose for wonderful pictures if he could use that to his side.
Xiao Zhan will use that to his side.
“Now, I want you to look at the camera with your softest expression.”
The camera assistants move a little closer, and out of the corner of his eyes he spots all employees seizing that moment as if they’re the ones with a photograph set in hands. He seems to have caught the attention of everyone around, and Xiao Zhan wonders, Yibo, am I doing a good job for you? Is that how attracting attention feels? How do you tolerate this amount of gazing?
He does end up giving up on the sexy look to instead use a soft expression, yet it’s not because the director of the photography team asks, but because he feels weird at being glanced at by so many people.
The attention prickles his stomach, leaving him timid. When he’s timid, Xiao Zhan tends to smile. It’s something he barely notices, but the action isn’t shunned by the photographers in front of him.
An assistant draws her breath. “Oh my God…”
“That’s… definitely something to work with.”
The camera lights are going crazy now, the flash noise unending. Is it really that much of a surprise seeing the famous Wang Yibo smile a little? Xiao Zhan discovers it is when a camera operator drops the focus on the lenses to say, “Wang-laoshi, I didn’t think you had this in you!”
A brunette beside him nods. “That’s why the director loves capturing him so much.”
Xiao Zhan continues to find good angles and good poses to enhance the beauty of that body. In a very objective, unattached kind of way — of course. Yibo remains a gorgeous man, and he lets the photographers have the time of their lives capturing that pretty face in soft features.
When they’re finished, the camera operator compliments him before running to ask for an autograph, which causes Xiao Zhan to freeze for a moment. After all… how does Yibo sign his name again? Is there any pattern? He doesn’t know, and in a panic measure, he signs off the piece of paper with a plain “Wang Yibo” written on the left inferior side. From the way the employee grins happily, thanking him with a bow, he guesses it’s just alright.
Being an idol truly isn’t easy, but it has slight perks. Making other people happy with an autograph, making someone’s day by smiling for a picture, being able to share snippets of his life with others, receiving appreciation for that… despite some problems here and there, it’s not so bad at all.
But Xiao Zhan shakes his head, leaving the daydream. When he looks ahead, the director stands checking the camera gallery, eyes stuck in a mirth. He wonders out loud, “The pictures, are they good enough?”
The senior photographer huffs. “If they’re good enough? Wang-laoshi, this will probably sell my magazine a thousand times better than last year! Seriously, what happened to you today? Your aura changed from a confident man to a warm one so quickly.”
Xiao Zhan scratches his neck, a bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry… do you━”
“No, no, I think that’s a nice change! I bet your fans will go crazy. Cool guy Wang-laoshi smiling for a picture? That’s a rare occasion, for sure,” the director raises the camera as if he’s carrying a trophy. “I’m glad we got to take these.”
Who is he to deny offering the photographers what they wanted? He knows how hard it is to ask the model to pose the way they like, so he just went ahead and took his instincts for it. Having worked as a photographer himself once, he understands the difficulty they deal with some people who can’t cooperate.
Big world, do value their hard work! Photographers need to make money too!
Xiao Zhan smiles, proud of himself, and an assistant claims very loudly, just as everyone was bowing in his direction: “It’s a pleasure to work with you, Wang-laoshi!”
“No, it’s my pleasure to be with you all,” he brushes the politeness away, now comfortable with the employees he’s met. “Thank you for today!”
At his side, manager Song-laoshi narrows her eyes as if the attitude was surprising. Perhaps it is, since most idols are incomprehensive in the face of humble operators surrounding them. However, Xiao Zhan expected Yibo to be a little more open to others, that way, he wouldn’t feel alone in that world of success and blind fame. He doesn’t even know why he’s worrying about the man in the first place, but the sentiment crosses his heart at once.
Yibo, save me some face here! And please, allow yourself to have this.
The director sighs. “Thank you, of course.”
Xiao Zhan can breathe in relief when finishing the first part of the day, the first assignment in the body of a freaking idol. They say they suffer to tolerate the busy schedule, and it’s indeed tiring, nonetheless he fulfilled the task of not ruining Yibo’s career (which is, by all means, a quite difficult task!) and even spread a better word for the guy’s name by being warm to the photographers, so it’s a win-win.
He’ll take what he can get, after all.
Wang Yibo will definitely not take what he can get.
The bell has been ringing for about three minutes now. And if it happens to be one of Xiao Zhan’s acquaintances, he doesn’t know how to properly act towards the person ━ what if they discover that he’s not Xiao Zhan, call the cops and they put him in jail? Is it a crime to swap bodies? You never know, everything’s a crime lately.
Or worse, what if these acquaintances are bad people, discover his identity and place him in an asylum for the rest of his days instead?! What if they send Yibo to serve as a lab rat for the crazy scientists?! He’s gonna admit, the scientists look a lot more frightening than cops.
A scientist has syringes. They have manic laughter. They have intelligence. Intelligence, by itself, is quite scary! Intelligence means they can come up with a thousand different ways to torture him until death. That he can’t endure.
But just when he’s thinking about the terror of being sent to a lab, a voice echoes from the other side of the door.
“Xiao Zhan, I know you’re in there!” two heavy knocks in a roll makes it seem like they’re having an earthquake. “Don’t run away from me! I know I was supposed to expect you at the online company meeting, but Lan-laoban will kick my ass if I don’t present this project sooner! Come on, open this thing!”
Is that the boss Xiao Zhan talked about?!
What a strength! Goodness, that’s not a boss! That’s a monster!
“There’s no one here!” Yibo yells back, shrinking on himself. “You got the wrong house!”
On the other side, the woman stays silent for a few minutes, to the point where Yibo thinks his statement worked out.
“Xiao-laoshi,” the boss starts with a sharp voice. “Please open this door, now.”
Scared out of his mind, but also scared of the woman breaking the door down in an urge to slap him, Yibo closes his eyes, prays to cat goddess Jianguo that nothing bad shall happen (the little cat seems to roll her eyes, which was quite inconsiderate, in his opinion) and opens the door in a hurry.
Su-laoshi was a woman in her apparent forties, her small pointed nose highlighting the stern dark eyes and the little wrinkles around them, just the right amount for someone who’s lived long and stands in the career position she’s in. From what Xiao Zhan told him, she reached the design branch after giving up on her psychology PhD, abandoning her husband and her parents’ expectations.
It was perfectly clear just how much Xiao Zhan admired her, considering his exaggerated praise in the same way a little boy would use big words to talk about their favorite hero — yet, his simple-minded response to Yibo wondering how he should treat her proved the fact that his admiration didn’t make him act all like an ass-kisser towards her. Instead, it seemed they had quite a friendly relationship.
But after all, the words weren’t exaggerated. She does demand respect, her silhouette quite well-mannered even though she just screamed at him over the door. Right now, Su-laoshi enters the house with a sigh. Jianguo meows, as if recognizing her from the strength of her steps, and the boss smiles lightly.
This cat didn’t even act that way towards him, her play-pretend owner!
Jianguo gets a bit of a cuddle when Su-laoshi scratches her neck, but as swiftly as she begins, she ends the affection all the same. Xiao Zhan’s boss stares at him, her eyes narrowing, making Yibo flinch.
“Hi…?” he mutters, desperately wanting to hide in the corridor and wait until she — as if by a trick of magic — vanishes.
He doesn’t understand how she warrants such a reaction. Yibo never had a superior that was as casual as this. The normality in which she acts like a boss, he never had such a thing; an idol’s communication with a manager and assistants was one-sidedly leaning towards the idol.
They were working for a famous person, therefore would watch their words and attitude. But this, this was another level. The normal employee needed the boss, but the boss could substitute the employee any day; in short, employees out of the industry needed the money, contrary to performers like Yibo, who always had it. Without even asking for it, Yibo always had it.
“Well, hello,” Su-laoshi huffs.
“I can explain.”
“I’m sure you can.”
For a minute, he doesn’t speak. Why is his heart beating so fast?! Is that a “Su-laoshi effect”? Is it a feeling acquired from Xiao Zhan’s body or merely Yibo’s reaction? If it’s the former, they’ll have to investigate that.
“Xiao-laoshi, we can’t wait anymore. Lan-laoban said he’s got an urgent matter to deal with today and can’t log into our meeting, but he wants the design sent to his email as quickly as we get ━ and you know an investor like him we don’t get it every day, we can’t confront him about it. You weren’t answering my messages, so I had to come up here myself.”
“Of course, of course. I was just getting ready for the presentation! Hmn, you knocked so strongly, I thought that was my neighbor downstairs,” Xiao Zhan’s boss rolls her eyes in boredom, but Yibo then rushes: “But wait, I have the design you want! Just… wait here.”
He fetches Xiao Zhan’s laptop, placing them on the living room table so Su-laoshi could see what she wanted.
“Here,” he says.
When presenting the designs for her alone, the first thing Su-laoshi does is connect the link to the drive on her phone, uploading the project document. Yibo could understand that in a moment of crisis inside a company, what mattered most was the client, and he imagines their client as an impatient individual to put Su-laoshi in such a hasty situation.
Poor artists, I wouldn’t want to be one of them. They go through so much. Respect!
While Yibo’s thoughts wander through all employees who work attending clients and sending a wave of respect towards them, Xiao Zhan’s boss inspects the art, all the little details the older man probably worked hard to create. He admits the guy has talent: the project was modern, in a dark brown tone that satisfied Yibo’s eyes, a nice 3D model of a barbershop interior.
However, Yibo was no design professional. His opinion couldn’t matter less here. Su-laoshi was the one holding the final decision, and while she had her eyes analyzing every part of the design, she didn’t show any emotion, be it inclined to praise or else, and Yibo burns with concern.
After some more minutes, the boss sighs, finishing the whole presentation.
And then, she turns to him, saying, “You’re a fool. You’re one hell of a fool who gets me too worried when there’s no need, and you’re too bold for this company’s safety, coming up with a flashy project like that.”
Yibo frowns, thinking things were bordering on the edge of real slander. Why does Xiao Zhan let people treat him like this? Weren’t they supposed to have a friendly relationship?
“But you’re also an art genius, and this… this is fucking wonderful.”
Right. Now he’s got a real answer.
“Hmn… thank you.”
Su-laoshi sighs deeply once again. Jianguo meows as if in disappointment, noticing that a human friend who scratches and cuddles her neck was leaving her with this shitty fake owner.
“I’ll send this to laoban right now, then our client can decide if he’ll change anything or not, and make preparations with an architect. Personally, I think you improved quite a lot from your last barbershop project. I wouldn’t alter anything, really, but the client has the final word,” she heads to the door, typing on her phone. “Anyway, you did great as always.”
Yibo smiles, proud on behalf of Xiao Zhan. Also, perhaps he’s proud of himself too, for having endured until this point. He’ll declare this as a win-win situation.
“Thank you so much,” he bows to her, expressing all his gratitude (or should he say, representing Xiao Zhan’s gratitude? Forget it, he’s the owner of this body at the moment.)
Su-laoshi blinks, observing him closely for an instant.
“Stop thanking me, that’s so weird. Why are you like this today?”
“What? Like this, how?”
Wang Yibo knows, of course he knows. Maybe he’s being reticent in the fear of fucking things up, but he doesn’t know Xiao Zhan long enough to imitate his demeanor with excellency. One time or another, people would start to realize the difference. Should he pack his clothes to run away from the crazy scientists?
Acknowledging Yibo’s widened eyes, the boss continues, “You’re not cursing me, or showing disrespect. Between you and me, I’ve never seen you so civil.”
Xiao-laoshi, you’re quite a man, huh?
The guy he thought would be constantly polite and unbothered, in fact, treats his boss so amicably that they’re used to banter? That guy’s life doesn’t stop surprising him.
“I mean…” he clears his throat, trying to sound indifferent, “you did just come up almost breaking my door off, you lunatic. Wait ‘til my mind finishes reloading.”
Su-laoshi stares at him. Yibo worries a little, wondering if maybe he’s trespassed the limit. However, after some seconds, she smirks, “Right, I forget you don’t like loud noises.”
“Yeah, now can you please leave?”
“And I also tend to forget you hate guests…” she huffs. “I’m taking my way now.”
“Goodbye to you.”
Before crossing the room though, she turns around again, “Oh, by the way, sorry to warn you so suddenly, but the American businessman changed his mind, he wants the coffee shop project done by next week,” she notices Yibo’s startled eyes, sighing in sympathy. “I know. It was a surprise for me too, that man’s such an asshole! But we must play along and offer our best job. So I’ll wait for your designs as soon as possible, okay? Let’s do our best. Technically you have the week off, but I beg for you to work from home — when this job’s over, I promise I’ll give you a break for the whole month.”
“Okay…”
“I’ll get going then. I’ll let you rest now, your mood seems off today, but I can’t pinpoint exactly why…” she narrows her eyes, but when realizing that eyes won’t tell her secrets, she drops it and turns around. “Call me if you need further instructions or anything. And sorry for invading your house one more time ━ can’t promise it won’t happen again.”
That’s all he’ll get from her, possibly, and Yibo knows she has her reasons. After all, it doesn’t matter if you’re an idol or not: a job is a job, and a boss is a boss. The urgency to finish a project indeed brings anxiety, and the close relationship Xiao Zhan maintains with his boss allows her to forget about sounding intrusive.
Su-laoshi scratches Jianguo’s back one more time before saying farewell and leaving the house. As soon as she’s gone, Yibo gets the phone from the kitchen counter, and texts Xiao Zhan right away.
Me:
yknow, u r good at this
design i mean
she liked it.
evil sorcerer:
Hmn… is that a compliment?
Me:
no its a hate speech
bc now she asked for another project
u have an american businessman coffee shop design to end ‘til next week
evil sorcerer:
Ah.
Me:
‘ah’? is that all?
thats ur brilliant argument?
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO
evil sorcerer:
I have an interior art draft stored on my laptop that I never got to finish.
Sometimes when I’m lazy, that happens.
We can work with that.
“Xiao-laoshi…” Yibo mutters to himself, “are you human?”
Me:
do u ever like. worry abt something?
i thought i was very chill
but it happens, u r the most chill dude ive ever seen
evil sorcerer:
I really am not. I do freak out.
Thought I was dreaming when I woke up.
Me:
bc u woke up in a hot supermodel body and freaked out bc u were looking so good?
like omg omg im in wang yibos body hes so famous hes so cool life is so good!!
evil sorcerer:
I didn’t even know who you were.
Me:
ah.
The camera in front of him shines with the beginning of a new recording. Ever since he arrived at the studio, the employees couldn’t take their eyes out of him — Xiao Zhan had been smiling in a daze, trying to show politeness to everyone. That’s what idols should do, isn’t it? They’d keep it humble, even if it’s only to show off?
At the moment, he’s sitting in a high chair, dressed in fancy clothes and hair full of gel. Not that Yibo’s hair needs all that working, Xiao Zhan begrudgingly thinks. He feels out of place, but at least the manager ━ that he barely knows for a whole day and still feels comfortable sitting beside ━ was across from him, texting someone.
A bald man holds a microphone, handing one to him too. Then, he runs over pieces of paper, choosing which question to begin with.
“Wang-laoshi,” the interviewer smiles, “shall we begin?”
“Yes, of course.”
He nods. “Let’s do this.”
For the next thirty minutes, Xiao Zhan answers questions from all ranges of topics, beginning with what he thought about when acting with Liu Ningya and including his expectations for his next drama, “Running To The Sky”. Xiao Zhan received the script just a few moments before coming to the studio, and couldn’t resist taking peeks in between the car ride. The story talked about an ancient martial god that fell from the spiritual realm after falling in love with a lord demon’s daughter, and when that daughter dies after saving him, they’re reincarnated into the human realm, wherein the fallen martial god, the only one who remembers their story, fights to find her and set a relationship together again.
Lucky thing he decided to understand Yibo’s line of work better, since now he’s got a good foundation of what to answer and what to avoid. Therefore, Xiao Zhan doesn’t reveal any plotlines, and instead focuses on blasé responses, such as how he felt when reading about the main character or how much he’ll love portraying a martial god.
That seems to delight the interviewer. They are content with even just a little sentence from the cool Wang Yibo, it seems. Regardless of his initial excitement, Xiao Zhan starts to get alarmed when the questions reach his personal life. Although he knows enough about Yibo then, he’s still trying to grab the whole parameter of someone else’s lifestyle.
For reassurance, he makes a mental list of points to remember and what he has to add in every reply to echo Yibo’s personality:
- Yibo’s fond of motorbikes, so he makes sure to do a checklist of all responses that include a mention of bikes or spending time in the racing team he’s working with. He counted the words: the subject emerges about twenty different times, but from the brazen looks of the manager, he guesses it’s fine. Xiao Zhan cheers himself in his mind.
- The drama he’s currently in, he has to talk about that! Good thing Xiao Zhan prepared beforehand and knows the names of every co-star.
- My skateboard skills are still struggling, but they’re good, and I’ve been training a lot in the past few days, thanks for asking. That’s a good answer, a strategy to avoid mentioning any skateboard move names, which Xiao Zhan stood completely unaware of.
- Yes, I love recording Day Day Up episodes and my favorite moments until now are… well, every one of them, I love spending time with my brothers. Interesting response as well, this one. Xiao Zhan thinks it’s the best response yet, because at the same time he pleads for the viewers’ emotional connection, he also prevents himself from choosing an episode out of a show he’s never watched before.
So, all in all, the interview’s going smoothly and Xiao Zhan stands proud for reacting accordingly to the questions. But just as he thinks that the Yibo-like responses are nailed, he accidentally answers something too Xiao Zhan-like instead.
“Is there a food you’ve been consuming a lot lately?”
“Yes, I eat a lot of Lays chips.”
Two seconds of silence. Xiao Zhan tilts his head in confusion and Song-laoshi facepalms.
“Wang-laoshi,” the manager whispers, “you’re not sponsored by Lays.”
Alright, then there’s that. Being an idol is difficult!
The interviewer huffs softly, an expression Xiao Zhan deduces as one that understands idols well enough to be patient about these mistakes. He thanks the man in his thoughts. For a moment, he ignored the whole sponsor’s concept — how in the heavens was he supposed to know this from mind alone?
Give me some credit, I’ve never worked in such a complex industry before! And I did work hard to understand this man, but Yibo doesn’t like junk food. Am I supposed to thank how the Earth provides me with vegetables I like eating?
A guy gotta commit a few mistakes here and there, humans work that way. Xiao Zhan was already expecting a hole in the character, so he clears his throat and continues, turning towards the manager, “Right. So… what am I sponsored by?”
No one’s actually surprised at the question, which was quite weird. Does Yibo forget that he’s an idol often too? Perhaps he does, he’s sponsored by a lot of brands these days.
“You can say you eat a lot of KFC.”
“Well, isn’t that unhealthy?”
If an idol influences people, they should offer something that doesn’t cause any bad to their fans. And eating greasy food might bring a lot of harm to their body.
But Song-laoshi scoffs, “How are chips healthier?”
“Well… good point.”
Considering how many industrial goods he stored at home (Yibo better not eat those!), Xiao Zhan thinks that discussing that matter further might be a bit hypocritical. Then he turns back to the camera and seriously says: “I eat a lot of KFC on a daily basis.”
The interviewer murmurs something incomprehensible. Xiao Zhan ignores the confused noise of the staff and continues to answer the questions that come and go.
He wants to be humble, he really does, but personally, Xiao Zhan imagines he’s doing a goddamn awesome job. After all, he’s careful not to slander other artists, endorses his brands and smiles casually whenever he’s feeling like it — isn’t that what all interviewers want? Isn’t that what all companies want for their idol?
As long as he’s keeping himself grounded, nothing bad shall happen. But again, just as he’s thinking positively, he makes another mistake:
“Wang-laoshi, what would you say is your personal clothing style?”
Once again, he loses track of Yibo’s personality and blends in his own likings in the middle, “Hmn… comfortable clothes, dark-colored ones. I think everything fresh that makes me forget about my age, it mustn’t be too old to seem like I’m past my time or too young that it seems like I’m exaggerating, it’s━”
That’s not an appropriate answer, he realizes when the staff fixes their eyes at him. Of course, they want a Yibo-like response! And from what Xiao Zhan researched, the guy loves collecting cool shoes and endorses Channel instead of the cheap coats he’s got at home.
“I mean,” he bites his lips. “I… I love dressing in my Channel jackets and my Nike shoes. They’re perfect, they’re so good that I can’t take them off. Channel is my favorite brand, and my Nike shoes are my favorite clothing item. Not clothing, shoes clothing ━ you know what I mean. They’re so comfortable. I love my Nike shoes and my Chanel jacket… yeah.”
The interviewer hides a smile, and his manager drops her mouth.
“Right.”
He totally nailed it.
Poor Song-laoshi couldn’t understand the depths of his struggles, the sheer consideration of all his responses. So when Xiao Zhan enters the minivan at the studio’s garage, merely ten minutes after the interview was over and one minute after Xiao Zhan wonders out loud if he did a good job, her manager sighs discontentedly.
“Yeah, it’d have been a perfect response and a perfect interview…” Song-laoshi says, clearing her throat and typing something in his phone, “if you were still sponsored by Nike.”
So. Perhaps he shouldn’t trust Wikipedia that much. His teacher always said it, and he still fails to remember. She sits by the passenger seat and Xiao Zhan questions, “I mean, why am I not?”
“You know, some incidents with the company. They don’t want you anymore.”
“Just like that? How dare they?!”
“Indeed.”
He hums, deciding to forget the moment completely, letting it be an issue for the editors to take that part out. The company shall do something about it anyway. That industry produces idols back and forth, fighting stalkers using law enforcement and preventing big scandals like everyday life. Of course, they could deal with a small slip-up.
At first, Xiao Zhan naturally thought that being an idol would be easy work. Be pretty for the cameras, try to influence people for the better and pretend to be a polite artist with no connection to the realistic world, someone almost like a doll.
Turns out, being an idol seemed quite lonely and tough.
Within that fame, flashes, and money, laid a thunderous feeling of melancholy. Not one person in the whole day acted as if he was a true human being, with desires as everyone else’s, making mistakes as anyone could make, and just a few dared speak to him normally. A pinch of sadness covers Xiao Zhan’s heart when thinking about what Wang Yibo goes through. Couldn’t he also appreciate the feeling of having intimate friends or talking to others without the fear of his secrets being shared through the internet?
Out of the blue, he’s glad the boy’s having a chance to experience the world through Xiao Zhan’s eyes. Even if that’s such an inconvenience for both.
“Song-laoshi,” he begins, hesitant. “Before the happy hour today, can you deliver some food to both teams, please?”
“Huh?” Song-laoshi startles. “Why?”
“They worked hard. I don’t want to give them trouble.”
“Oh… sure.”
The car stays silent for a couple of minutes, until Xiao Zhan raises the volume of a Stephanie Sun music, murmuring the lyrics absentmindedly. Song-laoshi keeps the quietness like an oath, but when they stop at a traffic light, she turns her whole body towards Xiao Zhan.
“Laoban?”
“Yes?”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“If I’m…” he mutters to himself. “Yes, of course, I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Did something happen to you yesterday? Did you sleep fine? Is someone bothering you? Are you sick again? Did you━”
“No! No, nothing like that,” he brushes the questions with a single twist of his hand. “Everyone was really nice, I have nothing to complain about. Why are you asking?”
“You’re different.”
Xiao Zhan freezes.
It’s not possible that his manager figured everything out. Goddamn it, he worked so hard to pretend to be an idol! And he did think he was doing a wonderful job, how could someone notice this change?! He’s researched so much about Yibo, he could write a book about the man at this point.
“I don’t know what you mean. Why would you say that?”
“You’re talking more, and you actually did ask me to deliver food to the team. You do that sometimes, but mostly to the dancing or acting crew, since you always despised interviews” she says. “You even smiled during the photoshoot! Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about!”
The smile bit, well, he sometimes forgets that Yibo’s trying to maintain a cool guy persona. With those prominent cute cheeks, how can he do it all the time? Smiling should be sometimes he does more often, Xiao Zhan caught a picture of him beaming once and found it incredibly lovely.
About delivering food to other teams beyond the ones he’s interested in, he’ll have to talk to Yibo about that. The man needs to appreciate others more. And he had just thought he wanted the younger one to understand the world…
Yibo, give a guy some face here! I know interviews might be annoying now, especially since you’ve been doing it for so long. But can’t you be a little more polite?
“I see,” he clears his throat. “Nothing happened, I’m feeling fine today. They were okay, so I think they deserve at least that. But I thank Song-laoshi for her worry about my well-being. You’re the best, jie.”
Song Meifen blushes, turning to the other side again.
“Seriously… so different!”
Meanwhile, Wang Yibo knew Xiao Zhan’s credit card PIN and therefore had no qualms when buying a passage to Beijing. That also meant he could buy vegetables and healthy food, and that’s what he does as soon as he sees the right chance, before going to the airport — now the older man could open the fridge and find appropriate choices for a meal.
Really, what would he have done without him? Acquired cancer disease? That’s too bad, he’s there now. And having confirmed the situation they were in, he’d care for that body as his own.
He’s got a performance to teach, a reputation to keep, and a credit card with a limit for the first time in his life.
“Xiao-laoshi, I’m sorry for spending your money like this,” he mutters while the transaction takes place. “When this is over, I swear I’ll pay you back.”
Yibo had enough to cover his expenses for five years, and nothing would be missed for Xiao Zhan. So he buys the plane ticket, pays for the taxi towards the airport and he’s ready to fight for the body he’s been residing in for twenty-five years before yesterday.
Everything had been taken care of in the older man’s home, he even left Jianguo with food for a week’s time. The plane ticket back to Chongqing dated for one day’s time, so he couldn’t miss the moments he’s got left ━ all the way he receives some texts from Xiao Zhan’s friends and family circle, however hesitates on replying.
Yibo felt distressed to even think about the possibility of anyone finding out and selling them to the government, a constant fear ringing in his head. Since he’s yet to know such friends that keep on messaging Xiao Zhan’s phone, he doesn’t know if they’re perceptive enough to notice a difference or if they’re trustworthy to keep the secret. Neither was his family, supposedly; the names of some aunts were covered with a bomb emoji, which seemed an incredible reason to further ignore the phone notifications.
Following those thoughts, he answers to no one. Better safe than sorry anyway.
Xiao Zhan’s drinking tolerance never improved after college, though he sometimes really wishes it did. That was a well-known fact by his friends and anyone else who passed within two feet of him in a bar, whether a stranger or a longtime colleague.
And if the bar had a karaoke room, it was possible that he’d be transformed into a loud singer once the alcohol completed its effect. But at least in that aspect he considered himself good, his friends didn’t prevent him from singing when he was staggering drunk.
It is only staggeringly drunk that he remembers the happy hour party.
In his defense, it was all Da Zhang Wei’s fault, his brother from Day Day Up, who had deliberately shoved beer down his throat. Alright, maybe it wasn’t completely Da Zhang Wei’s fault, but rather Xiao Zhan’s, for thinking that because he was in another person’s body maybe he didn’t have to worry about not being able to handle alcohol.
Turns out, there was no way to change a soul’s organism — he can’t believe they got to that spiritual point of the situation — and so he’s received the bad luck of getting the same drink endurance as his original body.
Snippets from the happy hour come back to him only the following day.
“Yibo-ya!” Wang Han called, holding a glass of wine and patting a young man’s back. “Come, come here!”
That younger one appeared to be a teenager, perhaps part of the backroom team or a relative of a top executive. He wore ripped pants, a baggy shirt, and his hair swept to the side in a vibrant blue color. Xiao Zhan didn’t know what to say, how to greet someone that was clearly way below his own age.
“This boy right here,” Wang Han introduces him with a smash on the shoulder. “He’s Qin Yu, son of my cousin, Qin Shi. He says he wants to ride a motorcycle like the one you have.”
A fellow relative of the main team, then. Makes perfect sense — that industry was full of blindside nepotism. Not that Wang Han was at any fault.
Xiao Zhan smiles. “Is that so?”
The boy greeted a “hello” with a bit of pretense, and Xiao Zhan greets back with a casual wave of his hand. He never had any issues with teenagers who thought they knew everything about the world, but he didn’t have any points in their favor either; his own adolescence period was now laughed at by his family, so anyway, teenagers were in the right scale of time to make countless mistakes. It seemed just unfortunate that Xiao Zhan continued to make mistakes even after so many years of life.
“What’s your bike model again?”
“It’s a bike,” Xiao Zhan answers, matter-of-factly. He didn’t even think about researching Yibo’s bike, and he supposed the universe could forgive him for slipping up during a party.
The boy huffs. “Yeah, but which model?”
“Bike… model?”
There’s a stretching silence for a minute. Xiao Zhan was yet to act like a true motorcycle racer, but as long as they didn’t have to worry about a competition, he wasn’t willing to research the matter further.
Apparently, there was a very funny joke implied in the situation, because Wang Han and Qin Yu laugh, the former with a confused tone and the latter with a certain kind of surprise tinted with mockery, perhaps.
In between Qin Yu’s greetings and the beginning of a loud song on TV, Xiao Zhan remembers Da Zhang Wei appearing behind Wang Han, holding two big glasses of beer, “Didi, did you drink?”
He scratches the back of his neck, trying to find the right words to explain that he wasn’t good at drinking, that he could get dizzy from just a little bit of alcohol, and that the party would be in danger if he happened to drink more than just one glass.
Does one’s terrible drinking endurance follow into a bodyswap? Perhaps not, but after suddenly thinking that over, Xiao Zhan perks up. He’d regret all these decisions later.
“Not yet…”
“Here, take this,” Da Zhang Wei offers him the other glass.
“I’m fine though!”
“No, you definitely must have a little!” he says, sipping a bit. “You wanna make an impression today, don’t you? Han-ge brought a friend for you to impress. Drink at least a half a glass before going to the karaoke!”
Doesn’t matter if he was, until that point, unaware that he should be trying to impress the young one, and instead focused on the last bit, “Karaoke?”
“Yeah, we’re all doing it! Qin Yu’s singing, and he’s a good singer!” his Day Day Up brother smirks. “We can’t lose to a seventeen-year-old boy, now can we?”
“Give me this glass.”
Xiao Zhan takes what Da Zhang Wei was offering, experiencing the burn of alcohol running down his throat, a sensation he’s yet to get used to. Suddenly, his brother chuckles an evil laugh of a villain who wants to see the world crumble into pieces, and it doesn’t take long for him to end up on the dance floor too.
After the first dose of alcohol, everything becomes a blur.
He remembers doing pirouettes, imitating the steps he saw Yibo practicing in videos on the internet, but he also remembers people around him laughing at his clumsy attitude. He remembers taking the microphone from a woman’s hand, singing a Stephanie Sun song as high as he could, earning a gold star at the karaoke and beating Qin Yu’s high score. He remembers the surprised but admired faces of people around him, especially Wang Han and Da Zhang Wei.
What he doesn’t remember exactly is how he got to the apartment (if Song-laoshi was the one who took him home, he feels sorry and a little ashamed of the situation he caused). When arriving, he apparently didn’t even take a shower, but he vaguely recalls staggering towards his bed, leaving a bruise on his leg from bumping into a table in the middle of the way.
Drunkenness aside, at least he won the karaoke competition; he had doubts about his skills in design and other areas of life, but Xiao Zhan’s quite sure he was good at singing long before growing from a child. On the hand, if people notice that his attitude was off, everything was fucked…
Damn it. He regrets nothing though.
Wang Yibo:
open the door
Xiao Zhan wakes up when the phone beeps. He’s just the shell of a tired man, headache and nausea tormenting his body as soon as the steps on the floor.
“Shit,” he mutters. “Shit, my head’s broken.”
Just as he’s about to take a medication that’s been lying in Yibo’s fourth drawer (he’s checked everything on the house, at this point he can name even the painter who terrorized the guy’s walls with that bright green color in the second living room), the universe decides to be wicked, and he also listens to the apartment bell ringing.
Did the crazy man really appear at his doorstep?
Either way, he’s too fucked up to deal with this shit.
Me:
No.
Wang Yibo:
im no ghost or scary creature
nothing from horror movies
i wont bite
Me:
I’m not scared of horror movies.
Wang Yibo:
man seriously
how do u exist
like R U FOR FK REAL??
Me:
I’m not a kid like you.
Wang Yibo:
stfu just open the damn door!!!
Xiao Zhan sighs.
He leaves the phone on the bed, dragging himself towards the apartment door to open it for its own owner. Funny thing, being in another person’s body and still acting like he owns that damn apartment.
It’s even funnier when he finally opens the door to find the face of someone he’s seen in the mirror for thirty-one years now. The same face his mother gave birth to, the same he’s used to have since forever. And it’s now widening his eyes, remembering Xiao Zhan that Yibo’s there, living beneath his skin as well as he’s living in Yibo’s skin.
Just then, the thundering realization that the situation’s real hits him hard in the face. Also, the universe hates him for that outstanding irony. Clearly.
He swallows dry, in lieu of an answer, “Okay… this is weird.”
If he’s honest, that’s pretty much beyond weird. That’s hella freaking bizarre, the utmost insane thing that could’ve happened with both of them!
Is body swapping as rare as getting hit by thunder? Are they this unfortunate? Did it happen with someone else before? Is there a written guide for what to say here?!
“Oh, my God,” Yibo breathes heavily, almost hyperventilating, and the voice that belonged to him being echoed leaves Xiao Zhan nauseated. “Holy shit.”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, fuck.”
Xiao Zhan’s awkwardness disappears as soon as he’s illuminated once again with the fact that he’s supposed to be the older, mature, more rational one there. Not that Yibo wasn’t responsible enough for himself, but Xiao Zhan was prouder than anything, more proud than Yibo was responsible.
So he clears his throat, rearranges his indifferent face. But in mind, he’s shrieking, WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THIS HAPPENING WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME WHAT WHAT THE FUCK━
He says, “The sentiment’s mutual.”
Yibo takes a step back, seemingly horrified.
“My voice is terrible!”
“I don’t think it’s that bad…” Xiao Zhan hums. He indeed thought about that, and decided that Yibo’s voice was quite pleasant in its own way. “You just have a different voice than others, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.”
Watching himself through the eyes of another person remains quite an odd experience, but Xiao Zhan takes his time to do so anyway. Oh, how he misses his body. Yibo’s body was a tiny bit shorter than his own, therefore the other silhouette stood taller; his body’s eyes were rounder, and he never thought his mole could indeed highlight his face as many people told him so.
It’s impossible not to notice now, the expressions, the wrinkles, the shape of his nose and mouth. Xiao Zhan couldn’t avoid feeling that, thanks to all gods, others weren’t lying when they said he’s handsome.
Is it so bad worrying about his appearance sometimes? It’s what society taught everyone to do! And Xiao Zhan never worried before, never spared time to care about looking pretty, so of course, he’s got some credit that allows him to cheer himself up now. Perhaps he’s a hypocrite for telling people other matters should be of concern instead of beauty while now he’s appreciating his own.
Is it that terrible to appreciate your own appearance and to care for it? Is it time to change his mind? After all, he’d feel awfully guilty and embarrassed if the cool guy Wang Yibo was to end himself stuck in the skin of an unpleasant-looking someone.
On the other hand, Yibo frowns (ah, damn, perhaps he’s not handsome anymore when he looks angry, that sucks!), pointing his finger in Xiao Zhan’s face. “You know, sometimes I wanna punch your face. But I can’t right now.”
“What? Why?”
“I can’t hurt this face. It’s my face! It’s my visual identity, look at how gorgeous I am!” Yibo whines and Xiao Zhan rolls his eyes. “It’s because of this face that I earn my money every day. So, unfortunately, I’ll have to punch you later.”
“I mean, why would you punch me?”
“Because you’re so unbothered by this!” Yibo looks absolutely outraged. “Can you please stop being a know-it-all that has no fears? You’re not even scared of ghosts, how dare you!”
“I don’t know about that, it seems like you’re the one exaggerating in your reactions.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Yibo mocks. “I don’t have any experience in supernatural situations. I never swapped bodies with anyone before, you know? My bad.”
As Yibo rolls his eyes, Xiao Zhan prevents himself from letting out a chuckle. Because for a moment there, he doesn’t see himself; he doesn’t see his own face or his own body, he sees Yibo’s eyes and Yibo’s face. He sees the younger man through a fazed light that surprises him. It’s like the glimpse of another someone, the shining of a soul beneath the skin.
Does Yibo see him too, beyond the different face, beyond the body? Does he also feel Xiao Zhan there, soul and heart, even through another’s skin, or is he going mad?
He shakes his head minutely, coming back to himself. “I never swapped bodies with anyone either, and I’m still being rational,” he says. “You could try that sometime.”
Letting the door open for the house owner, Xiao Zhan walks into the apartment again, searching for the stone-hard sofa in the living room to lay in — although it was a terrible, terrible decision for a sofa (he suspects Yibo wanted to scare visitors away with that thing, it’s the only possible explanation), he couldn’t stay still any longer, another headache already attacking him.
Yibo enters the house, locking the door right after. Of course, he knows more about that place than Xiao Zhan does, having lived in that apartment much longer, and he has no hesitation when opening the fridge to take a glass of water for himself.
“What’s your therapist’s number? I need it, she might be the best therapist ever.”
“I have no therapist. Never been to one.”
“You see?” Yibo points at his face again. “You scare me. I hate you.”
In fact, he’s the intruder, and still he throws himself on the sofa, unbothered if Yibo’s watching him or not. Xiao Zhan questions, “Did you bring my laptop?”
“Why would I?”
He shoves his head in between the pillows, groaning a little. Fifty percent of him is frustrated, the other fifty stays hungover. Oh, how he hates being a bad drunk!
Yibo sits next to him on the couch, confused at the reaction. “Are you feeling sick?”
“I’m just… not a good drinker.”
“Because of the happy hour yesterday?” he catches the hem of Xiao Zhan’s shirt, checking if he’s alive hidden in the pillows. “You know, you could’ve just said you had to record a drama today, no one would bother you after saying that.”
Xiao Zhan draws a long breath. Right. That… would’ve been a nice approach. If he at least had the decency to imagine the alternatives and the consequences of his actions.
“You didn’t think about that, did you?”
“No.”
“Yeah.”
Not everyone’s bound to be an idol, Yibo! We don’t think the same way you all do!
The younger man takes his phone, now connected to the apartment’s internet, and begins researching something quite interesting to warrant a serious expression out of Yibo, but Xiao Zhan doesn’t feel like asking what he’s so curious about. Right now, his only desire was to have a nice hotpot, maybe, take a shower and continue sleeping until the headache would be gone.
But no matter how much he’s hungover, he can’t ignore the elephant in the room. Not literally an elephant, of course, just an arrogant brat. Xiao Zhan be damned.
“Right, so you’re just gonna lay there while I do the work of searching for ways of returning to our bodies? Because I traveled all the way here just to help us, you know, but it seems like I’m the only one trying,” Yibo tells him, releasing a long breath. “Did you like being an idol so much that now you want to be me forever?”
“As if!” Xiao Zhan gets up, finding the words absurd. “Let me tell you: you’re a lunatic! There’s no way you can do so many stunts like that. What, you couldn’t get conformed with only one hobby and decided to find a thousand?”
“It’s not too much!” Yibo defends himself. “Well, at least I don’t have to endure a crazy boss knocking at my door in the mornings all the time! And those design projects? Seriously, I prefer dancing, I don’t have to use my brain when dancing, and you… you just decide to use your brain on purpose!”
“It’s art, Yibo, art ! You couldn’t understand the value that art beholds upon this boring society. You couldn’t live without art, none of us could. In fact, what you do is art, don’t you know? Dancing is part of art, acting is part of art, photography is part of art━”
“I don’t care! I just do it!”
Well, you should think more while doing it, you annoying little━
Xiao Zhan stops right before starting a long, tiring speech about how young people are foreign to the concept of history and its importance to all human subjects nowadays, including art. However, he remembers that Yibo’s merely a boy trying to fit inside the world, as much as any other human tries every day.
He’s merely someone passionate about his distractions while maintaining a busy life, with the same expectations and the same struggles Xiao Zhan endures; besides, being part of that industry for such a long time, of course, it’s the first time he’s growing used to a humble routine. As someone older, Xiao Zhan should be patient.
So he decides not to get deep into it. Little by little, Yibo shall understand more about the universe, history, art, society and its peculiarities. Right now, the boy sitting beside him on the couch, pouting sweetly, must have his considerations validated, and Xiao Zhan realizes he wants to be someone the younger man could rely on.
“You know what,” he sighs, “I won’t fight with you.”
“What I’m trying to say,” Yibo begins, apparently unconcerned if Xiao Zhan’s on the verge of an aneurysm, “is that you don’t need to use your brain. Look at you. Well, I mean, look at me!” he points at his face; or better yet, Xiao Zhan’s face. “You’ve got beauty, you could be a damn celebrity. You’re wasting a big chance here, and I’m so mad at you for that.”
When Yibo looks at him like that, so fierce in his argument and so much decided that Xiao Zhan is indeed pretty enough to be an individual as famous as him, he can’t avoid the blush spreading to his cheeks, warming his entire face.
But still! He must be strong and mature!
“I don’t want to sit and pose all day like you do,” Xiao Zhan mutters. “That’s terrible, and now my butt hurts…”
“And my head hurts, from learning about your design stuff all day.”
“We’re even, then.”
“Maybe.”
Xiao Zhan sits closer to Yibo, watching over that terribly painted white wall on the other side in complete silence for a minute. There’s something familiar there, in the way Yibo turns off his phone, laying his back on the sofa with his knees touching Xiao Zhan’s knees. Something he couldn’t afford to lose, perhaps, something that almost makes him feel that this situation couldn’t be that irreversible, neither as bad if he’s fighting it together with the younger man.
Besides, he doesn’t want to ruin the silence with unnecessary words. Especially not now, when Xiao Zhan was trying to comprehend the true extent of Yibo’s personality. And he’s gonna admit, sometimes he’s too much of an asshole for his own good. If the universe did decide they were meant to meet (he’s still got to tell that to the younger man, and suspects it’ll be quite a surprise), one odd event or another, Xiao Zhan will be good and act like a patient human being.
“I’m sorry for lashing out,” he sighs, scratching the back of his neck. “I’m just being grumpy. It happens a lot in the mornings, mostly when I drink. I know I probably shouldn’t be harsh on you…”
“It’s fine, no need to apologize.”
“You’re a little lonely, aren’t you?”
Yibo turns his head towards him, the force of his own appearance surging in front of his eyes and creeping Xiao Zhan out for a minute.
“What?”
“You. This… job,” he explains. “Makes me feel lonely. Is that how you feel? Expectations, I can’t always face them. The adoration, I can’t live up to them. The praise, I don’t know how to deal with it. Is this something about me, or something about you?”
Yibo smiles bitterly (he’d say he’s never seen this expression in the mirror before, and it’s goddamn awkward). The other man responds, “This is something about everyone who works in this industry, ge.”
“Well, it makes me sad.”
“Sometimes it makes me sad too,” Yibo sees, glancing at the empty house around them. “But your life is good, you know, you have a cute cat and don’t have people eyeing you all the time. I like that. It’s different from my own life.”
“It’s not the same. Sometimes I feel pathetic.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Living in my own little world, unmarried, raising a cat with no certainty of a solid job, no other pursuit to focus on. At my age, people are overall happy, and I’m just… I’m just trying.”
It also doesn’t help that his family was eager for him to find someone special; his aunts, to be more specific, since his parents were never forceful. Aunts are, in lieu of a better word, oppressive in their judgment. Whenever Xiao Zhan arrives in his hometown for New Year’s Eve, the first thing they ask is if he’s found someone to spend his life with.
His uncles question how much he’s earning. His grandmother, about when he’s marrying; his grandmother, about how he should have children soon. His family lacks the property to ask if Xiao Zhan’s happy, if Xiao Zhan’s planning on anything short-term, if he’s treating others well or if he’s satisfied with his job.
Otherwise, he’d prefer if they asked nothing at all.
For someone who’s been living alone for over 7 years now, Xiao Zhan does feel unconsciously lonely sometimes. Not lonely in the means of needing someone, but perhaps another person he could rely on. Regardless, he’s living the way he can, and that should be enough.
Every day, for every day. Step after step. He doesn’t have any other goals beyond caring for Jianguo and trying to be healthier, the prospects of a better line of work long forgotten; he grew comfortable with what he achieved.
Perhaps he needed more unpredictable days in his life. He’s older but still young, and Yibo struggles through that unpredictable lifestyle just as he struggles through his predictable one. What should he feel about that? Sadness, desperation or anger? If something’s missing in him, in his home, in his life ━ what does one do? If the unpredictable life could be as difficult as the predictable one, what could be his prospects now?
Yibo tilts his head. “People your age?”
“I told you,” Xiao Zhan reminds him, “I’m older than you.”
The younger man widens his eyes, a motion that seems like he’s just remembered something important. “Oh, yeah, sometimes I forget you’re middle-aged!”
“Middle… middle-aged?! I was telling you a private matter here, with all intimacy in the world, and you just ignore that? You just enjoy slandering, don’t you?! Are you human?!”
Xiao Zhan slaps him on the shoulder. Youth these days, only know about idiotic games and Instagram! They don’t know how to appreciate art! They don’t understand the hardships of an adult’s life! And it was foolish of Xiao Zhan to try to show that to Yibo of all people.
Yibo points to his hair. “Maybe that’s why I’ve found gray hair these days…”
Oh, that’s the limit.
Xiao Zhan’s filled with fury.
“YOU BRAT! COME HERE AND I’LL SHOW YOU━”
One minute they’re sitting on the couch, and in the other Yibo’s running around the house, trying to escape from Xiao Zhan’s outrage with jumps and laughter. It’s clear that the younger man knows more about the apartment than him, not hesitating to use that further information to hide in different spaces Xiao Zhan never went to.
They end up crossing ways at the dining room square table.
“STOP RIGHT THERE!”
“YOU STOP SCREAMING, YOU LUNATIC!”
“YOU’RE THE ONE SCREAMING!” Xiao Zhan screams back, pointing at Yibo from the other side of the furniture. “STOP BEING OBSESSED WITH SPORTS, I CAN’T TAKE THIS! YOU CAN’T TAKE THIS! YOU’RE JUST BEING GREEDY, STEALING ALL THE HOBBIES IN THE WORLD FOR YOURSELF!”
“AS IF THAT CAN OFFEND ME!”
“AND YOU’RE NOT EVEN THAT HANDSOME!”
“NOW LISTEN HERE, YOU OLD COW━”
Yibo runs after him instantly, the chaser and the runner roles changing. As a kid in Chongqing, it was quite hard to find a friend that was interested in the same subjects as him, so Xiao Zhan often stayed inside his house, drawing or painting, distracting himself with art. Right now, he’s got the freedom to laugh.
Just like him, Yibo was having the fun of his life, chuckling like a little kid, and Xiao Zhan cannot deny that he feels the thrill equally running through his veins, causing him to also laugh. They’re stupid, but being stupid sometimes was kind of amusing.
Xiao Zhan laughs relentlessly when trespassing the kitchen borders, stepping on cushions, trying to escape from Yibo. He doesn’t even know what the other man shall do if he catches him, but the childish play-tag remained quite fun, and Yibo’s smiles brightly.
That is, until Xiao Zhan falls in his butt.
A green cushion was in the middle of the way when he jumped on the couch, his full height crashing onto the carpet when he trips over it, and Yibo, who was right after him, falls over as well. Xiao Zhan sobs when the weight of Yibo drops to his chest, a hurtful pressure that makes him unable to get up.
Yibo mutters something, his elbow hitting Xiao Zhan’s spine.
“Stop, stop, stop! You’re breaking me!”
“Ge,” Yibo calls, eyes shining with concern. “Ge, are you hurt?”
Call him crazy, but again, Xiao Zhan spots Yibo’s eyes beneath the skin of his own, and the glimpse takes his breath away for a totally different reason if not for the harm of the fall. Is he going mad for seeing things that aren’t there? Perhaps he’s a madman, but they’re stuck in weirder circumstances, so he won’t pry.
“What, are you worrying for your body or for me?”
“For yo ━ for my body, of course!” the boy’s cheeks blush, and Xiao Zhan smiles. “I have a performance to go through! I mean, you have a performance to go through. And you better, you know, be in your best state.”
Xiao Zhan forgot about that fact.
As soon as he remembers, he freezes.
“Shit. I have a performance to go through.”
“Yeah. But you’ll be fine, don’t worry.”
Yibo doubts anyone could be that much of a bad dancer anyway.
Wang Yibo knew Xiao Zhan lacked experience in dancing.
But damn, he didn’t imagine it could be that bad.
“You know what,” he says. “Forget it. Just tell my manager you’re feeling sick. Say you got a stomach ache and she’s gonna understand, I get a lot of those.”
They stood inside the rehearsal center of the company where Yibo was employed, in the middle of the largest spaces designated for professional dancers and those who’d soon perform; Yibo used a hood to hide himself from the people he knew, forgetting that it was actually Xiao Zhan who needed to hide his face.
He knew a few assistants here and there, but these assistants were too preoccupied greeting Xiao Zhan to notice a stranger at his side, trying to keep a low profile as if he were committing a robbery. Yibo really needed to start understanding that he wouldn’t have people’s attention anymore, not in the body of a normal man outside the industry. Outside the industry, he was no one. That fact ached, but it healed all the same.
Xiao Zhan frowns. “Are you joking with me or what?”
“Just lock yourself in the bathroom,” Yibo shakes his head, the idea of Xiao Zhan tainting his cool persona engraved in his mind. “I don’t want my career ruined.”
“You told me you could teach me!”
“Well, I have a reputation to keep! I don’t want you in my body doing… that .”
No way! He can’t let his career end like this. Yibo points to the entire body Xiao Zhan’s trapped in, his own flexible shape he cared about protecting for so long, only to end up becoming property of someone who can’t breakdance without looking like he’s having a seizure.
“What do you mean, that?”
“That,” he points at Xiao Zhan’s body again (meaning to say, Yibo’s body!). “A baby could dance better. Xiao-laoshi, you’re gonna make me lose face. I have too little time to start teaching you even the basic dance steps!”
Yibo already learned, from a young age, that other people had difficulty dancing, something that he at least doesn’t remember having suffered from. Ever since being a kid, it was easy for him to get complicated dance steps and recreate them perfectly.
It was okay that he had to be patient to make others learn, but Xiao Zhan was already a grown man! And knowing how to dance should be, like, a basic need for an adult, right? It’s like a survival skill. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t recognize even the simplest methods.
“Don’t be so forceful now, I think this is quite good,” Xiao Zhan says, even though, from the first movement Yibo perceives, it’s no good at all. “I think I did better than expected.”
“What, you expected to look like a worm?”
In one minute he’s analyzing the room, considering if maybe the space has been hindering Xiao Zhan’s potential, if maybe the floor or the lack of a window and air actually affects his body as he’s heard other dances go through ━ in another minute, he’s being slapped on the shoulder, letting out an “ouch!” for every time the older man hits him like he’s said something offensive when it was clearly not an offense!
“Do you remember how long you’ve taken to reach the point you are right now? You don’t, right? If you practice from an early age you won’t remember being bad at it, and your mind will be fresh to learn new stuff, then forget that you once was bad at it like the rest of us,” Xiao Zhan reasons, and Yibo tilts his head. “Plus, you began much earlier than other idols, right? That’s my first time trying something I never knew before, so give me some credit here!”
Some things remain unsaid. Once in his childhood, his grandmother had told him that Yibo needed to be very careful in dealing with the world and the people in it, especially those he came to nurture a certain kind of friendship with, because he used to be very abrasive when explaining his feelings.
You never know the things others have heard, or what they’ve gone through, or what they suffer every day alone, in the dead of night. Even though he had been living inside Xiao Zhan's body for a short time, he could see that his life was just as lonely, and often even miserable. There was sadness, hard work, an adorable kitten, and a house with an empty double bed. There was unpalatable food, but enough for two zombie apocalypses, and there was no one to call Xiao Zhan's attention in this regard.
And there was a guy who was hugely talented in the art of graphic design who worked so hard that his boss saw no shame in calling him on a day off for a last-minute project. A guy who was good-looking, who could get a modeling job whenever he wanted, but who allowed himself to live a simple life without any annoying cameras around.
Yibo respected his choices and admired the life he led. He admired Xiao Zhan completely, with all his little flaws, his talents and the desires that he never told anyone, but which were written in his little notepad at the bottom of the second drawer in his office (not that Yibo read it all, but, well, curiosity’s sometimes too strong).
Then he clears his throat, and eases his heart.
“Alright,” he says, sighing deeply. “Alright, we can do this. Let’s cut the breakdance part and add just some swings. We’ll have to train your footwork though.”
Xiao Zhan smiles faintly. “We can do this.”
“We have to do this. Otherwise my career’s over. Otherwise my parents will disown me. Otherwise I’ll let all my fans down and my boss will fire me and I’ll—”
The older man pats him in the shoulder, a warm gesture that leaves Yibo giddy. He wants maybe a hug, maybe some words of reassurance whispered in his ears, but unfortunately that’s too much to ask from someone who stole his goddamn body.
“I’ll be the one standing on that stage, you’re lucky for that,” Xiao Zhan reminds him. “If you’re supposed to be laughed at, I’ll be the one enduring the shame for your sake, so why are you worrying so much?”
“Because I’m Wang Yibo,” he responds with a fact, “my reputation has never been easy to maintain and I can’t just drop it like that.”
Xiao Zhan rolls his eyes, an action he’s not very much used to in his own body but that encompasses his feelings all the same. And, truly, he’s in the same mood. He wants to roll his eyes and just die on this terrible earth, thank you very much.
“Not everything’s about you, you know.”
“Of course it’s about me. Everything’s about me,” he says, brushing his hair like a Hollywood actor. “I’m the main character of this story, do keep up.”
Xiao Zhan shakes his head, huffing softly.
They train for a while longer, until they find a rhythm Xiao Zhan fits in (even if this rhythm in question sounded extremely slow, at least he manages to work well with simplistic methods and smooth movements), to the point that Yibo reaches his limit of mental fatigue.
It’s difficult to be a tutor! Especially when you had to teach everything from the basics.
There comes a time when Xiao Zhan’s patience fades along with his spirit, and he’s surprised to discover that a tired Xiao Zhan is a bad-tempered Xiao Zhan, who reacts defensively at the slightest of responses. It could even be an unpleasant discovery, but Yibo can’t feel any irritation when the older man stood there, out of breath.
The younger man imagines himself back into the training space in his glory years, when he started his career. He often ended up that same way, sweaty and thinking only of lying in bed for the rest of the week.
And in the end, Xiao Zhan was right to comment that Yibo should be more lenient with someone who had no prior knowledge of the art of dance. Because dancing was indeed an art. An art he mastered very well, just as Xiao Zhan wonderfully mastered the art of design in particular; an art that he had trained since he started to show his first steps.
Because art existed, and it was indeed irrational to think that his composition lacked importance when he himself had been producing art for years. What was Yibo if not a hypocrite, judging Xiao Zhan’s obsession with design when he was obsessed with the art of dance?
Oh, he really had a lot to learn from that man. Not that he’d ever admit it!
“Okay, now… please, I have to take a shower,” Xiao Zhan lays his head back, and for an instant Yibo feels proud of his own neck. He’s got a good neck, that’s a privilege. Thank the angels for such a neck. Well done, universe! He cannot complain about his looks at all. “I feel like I’ll just melt on this floor… it feels too hot! How can you do it?”
“Talent,” Yibo answers. “Experience. Hardwork. No pain, no gain, dude.”
Xiao Zhan brushes the thoughtful reply with a shake of his hand, as if he regrets asking. “Okay, okay, I get it.”
The hall was already starting to become a sauna, and for the first time in a long period, Yibo felt a line of sweat sliding down his back. If he stayed there any longer, he’d start daydreaming about the past where he stayed up until the early hours of morning practicing his favorite steps, doing his best to extend his hours and acquire his skills.
During those days, all he wanted was to enjoy the fun of being who he was. However, enough nostalgia. His career started in that dance hall, and his career that was once so focused, felt quite lonely.
The journey has been hard, and now something’s missing.
“Let’s go,” Yibo offers Xiao Zhan his hand, still a little shocked when noticing that he misses his bigger palms and longer fingers. Is that something normal to miss? Perhaps that body swap thingy is turning me insane. “I need to take a shower too, and I want to enjoy the comfort of my apartment just a little, okay? I missed my beloved bathtub, you can’t take this from me.”
“We should agree on some terms when we’re back at your apartment,” Xiao Zhan huffs. “No baths without the other part’s allowance. It’s kind of weird.”
“What, you’re scared of me seeing your cock?”
The older man, who had walked to the hall door, now instantly turns to Yibo, as if he had just said that his house caught fire. It’s quite comical how embarrassed he seemed to be about this detail, and Yibo had to hide his laughter behind a fake smile.
“You ━ how can you be this vulgar?! You have no fucking shame, do you?”
“I get it. Old people still find nakedness a taboo.”
“Did you just call me ━ oh no,” Xiao Zhan closes his eyes, meditating to prevent the frustration from leveling up. It doesn’t work at all. “Oh, no, you are fucked. Listen here, Wang Yibo, you are fucked!”
Before the two can escape the hall, Yibo runs from Xiao Zhan’s fearsome clutches, laughing at how easy it was to frustrate him. And running around the training space they went! He hadn’t performed pranks like those ever since he left the UNIQ era, and even when he was being introduced to the idol industry, there was barely time to be teenagers.
More than anything, making Xiao Zhan frustrated was fun! He couldn’t explain why, but it left him with a warm, pleasurable emotion in his chest. Even more so when it was Xiao Zhan who made him laugh like this, run like this (he had the advantage of being in the body with the longest legs, that was another huge joy), think like this.
For a moment, he even forgets about the heat.
The worst thing about having Yibo actually close to him, communicating outside messages, was that the feeling of being out of place intensified. Xiao Zhan couldn’t look into that person’s eyes without thinking that everything was so wrong, so wrong, so wrong… because before all the fuss happened, he’d never have imagined that one day he’d be setting foot in a famous studio, nor in a room as fancy as this one; yet there he stood, inside a body he never recognized, living in a five-star building ten times more expensive than his small apartment in Chongqing.
Training finished, assistants and manager duly avoided, explanations of how Yibo left the apartment without causing any problems (thankfully he left food for his dear Jianguo, as well as letting his boss know that he’d be back soon ━ Yibo had at least an ounce of responsibility in himself, even though Xiao Zhan’s bank account started getting more and more depleted with the younger man’s healthy habit of filling his fridge with veggies, such a nuisance!) fully clarified, they head back to Yibo’s house.
Of course, the brat insists on driving his own car, admitting that he misses that luxurious life ━ and of course Xiao Zhan sits sullenly in the passenger seat, admitting that he wanted to take the chance of having a luxurious life while he still could. At least he becomes the one in charge of choosing the songs, which was a nice perk too.
Although Yibo didn’t like Stephanie Sun, they both liked international artists like Bruno Mars and Adele. He found it endearing how Yibo sang the songs softly, embarrassed that he knew all the words by heart.
It was okay, Xiao Zhan wasn’t going to piss him off about that; even better, he’d piss him off by switching songs during the best parts of the lyrics, putting on an artist with an intonation so high that Yibo’s ears would ache for three whole days.
For a while, Yibo manages to pretend that he doesn’t mind when the melody stops exactly during the part he wishes to sing out loud the most, but after a few more annoyances with the compositions he adored, the younger man began scolding Xiao Zhan, trying to attack his shoulder with a slap while driving.
It’s notoriously difficult to drive and attack someone at the same time, so Yibo would merely hiss a curse in frustration, with Xiao Zhan fond of laughing at his expression of anger after not being able to hit him without causing a traffic accident. It’s indeed fun to make Yibo angry, because Xiao Zhan barely ever gets angry, therefore never thought of himself that way; the veins on his neck were visible during a curse and Yibo liked to speak in Korean during his frustration, which was actually quite adorable, in fact.
What wasn’t adorable at all was how Yibo wouldn’t even let him finish a warm spaghetti upon arriving at the residence or first take a shower to cool his body (with his due permission, certainly).
Rather than waiting for some time to rest, Yibo seemed deeply focused on what they should do to end that body swap as soon as possible. Xiao Zhan, continued also very interested in figuring out how to get back, but a guy needs to eat first before facing such things, come on!
“Look, we have to try something out!” Yibo begins, pacing back and forth in the kitchen. “There’s no way we’re locked in each other’s body forever, there’s no way in hell we can live like this. No offense there, you’re a nice man, you know you’re a nice man, but I don’t think we can do this for the rest of our lives, right? We don’t think that, do we? So we have to try.”
Xiao Zhan quietly listens, wondering where that delicious pasta came from and if it’s affordable enough so he can buy some every once in a while.
“I agree,” he follows, still full-on eating.
“I have a bunch of things to do ━ you’ve seen it first hand, my life ain’t easy! I have a bunch of other performances in the next few months and you can’t get through all of them by yourself, they need my original charm.”
Xiao Zhan can’t even look at that tall silhouette pacing in the kitchen without freaking out that he’s not on his fucking goddamn body, so yeah, it’s better to merely turn his attention to the spaghetti at hand.
“Please tell me you’re trying to fight against your narcissistic personality.”
“I’m not narcissistic, I’m an idol, ge,” the younger man tells him, finally sitting on a chair, even though his left leg taps on the floor incessantly. “You still have to understand some things about this industry. First of all, I have to really care for my reputation, or what else do I have?”
He’s not looking at the man in front of him, the man who has the same visuals he was born with, the same eyes and face he used to spot when looking in the mirror. He refuses to freak out about that again. After all, he’s in Yibo’s body, but he’s not Yibo.
Anyway, what a delicious spaghetti.
Nice food. Nothing else going on at all.
“You could have some shame, for a start.”
“Clearly we’re not on the same terms here!” he turns his arms up, as if searching for some divine light to come save them. “Why am I the only one worried for our sakes, huh? Is someone up there in heaven interested in explaining something to us? Did we somehow swap personalities during this too? Did I become the mature one?”
“You’re not capable of being mature,” Xiao Zhan huffs.
“Apparently I am, because from what I remember, you’re the gege between the two of us! You’re the one I should be relying on! You’re the responsible man here,” Yibo whines. “Zhan-ge, let’s focus on putting our minds to work! That’s what we should be doing first and foremost…”
Oh, he just wanted to eat something before he started thinking about anything else. The universe doesn’t even want him to have a second of peace. Furthermore, it didn’t want him to have a bit of dignity either, because as soon as Yibo mentions the word ‘gege’ to refer to Xiao Zhan, he can feel his cheeks burning a little.
It had been a long time since anyone called him that ━ to be more specific, ever since he was a child who had to take care of his younger cousins. As an adult, it was very difficult to hear someone call him that; Xiao Zhan was unable to deny that he enjoyed the admiration it elicited.
He was weak to that sort of nickname, after all. Don’t blame him, when someone like Yibo, the coolest guy in the industry, young and untamed like the wind, showed respect bordering on flirtation, it was impossible for him not to feel something sparkle inside his chest. Alright, anyone would blush, don’t blame him!
Nonetheless, here’s the problem: the blush turns out to show itself on his face, because Yibo now looked directly at him with a confused and contemplative expression. Xiao Zhan focuses on eating, trying to look nonchalant, but Yibo really seems absorbed in his face with that mystical aura that he’s never seen before.
His heart beats a little harder, a little faster, a symphony playing in its most rhythmic of sounds. Some intimate things when said by someone like Yibo can bring a person to their knees, and there’s no hiding anymore that he’s not immune to his charming personality.
“Oh. You like that, don’t you?”
Xiao Zhan does what any normal human being in such a situation would do: he plays dumb, pretending nothing’s wrong. There’d be no reason to delve into this issue if he showed disinterest.
“What?”
Yibo narrows his eyes.
You can’t fool me now. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.
“Being a ge,” he says, glowing in the light of Xiao Zhan’s focus. “Zhan-ge.”
Xiao Zhan ignores the shivers running down his spine.
“What makes you think that?”
What a beautiful embarrassment. Yibo now smiled, satisfied with the way Xiao Zhan’s ears turn red, he can feel it in the way the younger man scrutinizes his face.
Because after all, just as there were facts about Xiao Zhan that he knew better than anyone else, Yibo was aware that shame acted on his body making the tips of his ears turn red like a tomato. He can’t believe the universe doesn’t allow him to get drunk on someone’s body, but it does permit him to blush like a youth!
There was no way to hide that reaction because the person that the body belonged to stood right in front of his eyes. There were too many downsides to this madness, he couldn’t even feel embarrassed at peace!
It was a little strange to hear his voice say his own name and stare at him so calmly. But Xiao Zhan was getting used to looking into that silhouette’s eyes and seeing only Yibo, ignoring any other external details that might be involved. They were the eyes of a young boy, a person with a determined spirit, a strength he didn’t possess.
Yibo throws himself on the couch, spreading his long legs to the sides of the near armrest. Xiao Zhan vaguely thinks that people are indeed into something when they mention how tall he turned out to be.
“I thought you hated being called old.”
“Because I’m not old.”
From that unusual position, he stares again.
“But you like being called a gege.”
“I never said that.”
“You don’t need to,” Yibo shrugs.
With so much experience in the industry and after learning how to deal with every little reaction from people around him, it wasn’t surprising that Yibo could very well uncover every secret he keeps. No other choice but to dodge the question, Xiao Zhan goes back to eating his pasta.
“So I can’t call you old, but I can call you Zhan-ge,” Yibo notes, voice showing off some amusement, and he wanted nothing more than to punch that goddamn face. Leave some scars, maybe, they say it makes a man tougher. “Interesting. Good to know.”
“What in the heavens is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that’s what I’ll be calling you from now on.”
Xiao Zhan sighs, thinking that there are worse things to be called.
If he could survive the impact of hearing not only his own voice in a body he’s no longer possessing being uttered continuously, he could survive anything. Also, whenever Yibo uses unnecessary provocation, he demands attention, a show-off through and thorough.
He finishes his dinner while Yibo watches a soccer game on television. Not being a big sports fan, it was the first time he saw himself leaping with joy at an exciting match, the image happening as if he’s watching himself trapped in a dream. The game goes on and Xiao Zhan washes the dishes, avoiding looking the other way.
Later, when the game ends and with clear permission Yibo decides to take a shower (no, he won’t think about how the kid will be naked on his body inside a fancy bathroom ━ he won’t overthink, nope ), he monopolizes the TV to watch a Korean drama. And when Yibo leaves the bathroom, Xiao Zhan goes for a bath while Yibo finally heads to dinner (he also sure as hell won’t think about anything while undressing ━ he won’t think about anything while bathing in someone else’s body, he won’t even look in the mirror, nope ).
He chooses some casual clothes from Yibo’s wardrobe, and Yibo, who’s wearing a T-shirt with biker gang logos, meets Xiao Zhan in the hallway. Sudden and expressive, he launches into a long speech about what they can do to try getting back into their proper bodies:
“I’ve seen movies ‘bout that, sometimes it’s just something so simple that can trigger them to change back! Ge, there are articles, I was reading articles about this. Well, they’re talking about the fictional side of it, of course, but it can fit for us,” he nods to himself, excited at the prospect of returning to his own skin by the end of the night. “I don’t know, maybe we should just try something randomly! The more random the better, if they’re more strange, greater are the chances we can go back to where we belong, right?”
Xiao Zhan reflects. “We did swap bodies randomly…”
The methods Yibo mentions are far from conventional. In fact, they are completely crazy. Some are pretty ridiculous, and Xiao Zhan wonders why on earth he couldn’t have gone into this situation with someone a little more right in the head.
Like, seriously. Why was he tied to Yibo of all people?
However, he doesn’t have much to argue with and lacks good options to share, so Xiao Zhan decides to ignore his own complaints. Whatever Yibo has in mind, he would have to rely on it for now. Even if his rationality thinks that Yibo’s acting stupid.
“You’re ready?”
“Not at all.”
“Let’s do it, then.”
And off they go.
- They try the fusion formula first, which doesn’t quite work... even though they attempt fusing back into their original bodies like Dragon Ball characters, Yibo still finds himself in Xiao Zhan’s body when he opens his eyes. It might not be the best solution in the world and Xiao Zhan might have had a sulky face when Yibo offered the idea, but, well it was worth a try. Maybe.
- Banging their heads on a solid surface just proves that the human skull is indeed quite difficult to crack. They even struggle to make this theory work by banging one another, but decide to stop the practice when they realize that they’re looking like two rabid monkeys fighting over a random stick on the ground. Definitely humiliating, zero out of ten.
- Words don’t affect the situation one bit. Yelling out Latin phrases taken from Google to see if it works bothers Yibo a bit because he’s afraid they might be mixing up pronunciations and accidentally throwing a curse to summon a demon. And Yibo doesn’t have the patience, mental stability or courage to put up with a demon in the middle of that mess.
- Wishing something to happen bowing towards the sky seemed also impossible. The universe doesn’t like anyone. It won’t give you what you want. That’s what Yibo discovers when he keeps whispering incessantly to get back into his body and nothing happens. Because the world hates them. The world transformed them into two idiots whispering in a room like they were really trying to summon Satan.
Finally, Xiao Zhan gives up on continuing with the weird methods, feeling that they already crossed the line. If there were spirits roaming the house, they’d be eating popcorn and laughing as if Xiao Zhan and Yibo were clowns in a circus.
Alright, it was too ridiculous! And by the time Yibo starts suggesting more aggressive alternatives, he declares himself too exhausted. He got a headache coming, he could feel it (well, he believed that after banging his head into another idiot’s head, who wouldn’t?), which meant that his indulgence towards the younger man was fading.
Yibo starts pacing around in circles, frustrated by the failure of his ideas. “Zhan-ge, now I’m terrified. What are we supposed to do?! Nothing’s working, we’re gonna be stuck like this forever and we both have duties! We have projects, we both have works to come back to, we gotta━”
“Okay, okay, calm down,” Xiao Zhan takes him by the shoulder, trying to put some sense into his head using the focus of his eyes. “I need you to breathe and relax a little. Can you do this for me?”
Looking deep into his soul, the height difference now a little more noticeable, Yibo takes a moment to just inhale and exhale. Desperation was a bane, and being caught by a senseless panic wouldn’t help solve that mess at all.
“Listen, we’re gonna find something, okay? There must be hidden websites, books, research about the topic… and we can’t give up just because of some random tryouts. Of course this won’t be easy, but if we’re already in this situation we’re strong enough to make slow yet certain progress, aren’t we?”
Yibo gulps. “What if, in an extreme case, we have to go through something like… I don’t know, being hit by lightning right in the brains for us to swap back? To die before coming back to our original bodies?”
If life were a movie and that circumstance was part of a cheap script, it’d probably be a plausible solution for them to return. Electric shock always ended up proving to be an immense contributor to remedying supernatural happenings. However, if it didn’t turn out to be the case, that they didn’t need to go through such a harm and still tried to do so, death was a very possible outcome.
And though he understands little about supernatural rules or anything of the sort, he’s pretty sure they couldn’t swap bodies if they were both dead.
“Let’s… not think about those alternatives. If we’re pessimistic during these trying times, we might be calling out for more trouble,” Xiao Zhan sighs. “Think positive, think hopefully, think it’s just a matter of time.”
Yibo stares at him as if he’s grown a second head.
“Please give me the number of your therapist.”
Rolling his eyes, he drops the younger man’s shoulder. That’s why he couldn’t accept the fact that someone up there, someone within the forces of that outer space, had put him in the way of a guy who made jokes in the middle of such an eccentrically frightening reality.
“I’m sorry! I make jokes when I’m scared, don’t judge me!” he defends himself, assuming a tougher posture right away. “Seriously though, I just think it’s really weird. Why were we chosen by this, I don’t know, universe force or whatever? Why are we here in this situation in the first place? Of all people, we were the unlucky ones, and for what? Makes no sense!”
“Yeah,” Xiao Zhan gulps. “It’s a wonder.”
He doesn’t wanna say it. If he says so, it’ll make it so difficult to move on afterwards, and it’ll only bring a specific chaos to his already busy life. Xiao Zhan didn’t want to live by the universe’s outline. Call him stubborn, but he’s got principles. He’d be living just fine if it wasn’t for this damn fate, this damn comet, this goddamn chance of meeting Yibo.
The man’s ridiculous and they don’t fit in each other’s life. That’s a fact.
As much as he thought the boy was adorable and amazing at the same time, there was no room for Yibo in Xiao Zhan’s life and there was no room for Xiao Zhan in Yibo’s life. Once they got back to their bodies, they’d keep a distance and forget the situation with a cold passing of time. None of them shall receive a notification: “Hey, dude, so, I was the one you swapped bodies with! Let’s get a drink and go to karaoke sometime?”
The industry Yibo stepped into survives impeccably by pursuing its artists, so they would end up invading Xiao Zhan’s personal life in the same way if they became friends. Not to mention that Yibo had a very busy routine, and Xiao Zhan spent a lot of time focusing on his work, always answering clients more than sending updates to his family. His companion has always been just a cute spoiled cat.
He didn’t watch football matches because he liked dramas, and he doesn’t even remember the last time he traveled anywhere outside Chongqing. They were both independent, both with careers to pursue. But then why had they met in such an unusual way? Why did it feel like there was no way back to their normal lives? Why did they end up bonded so closely?
Xiao Zhan starts to think about it as he and Yibo get ready to sleep, too discouraged to fight over who gets the bed and who gets to sleep on the sofa; so the two end the night lying on the double mattress in the bedroom. In the middle of the dark, with their backs turned to each other, they might even pretend there was nothing worth worrying about at the moment if not sailing off towards the land of dreams.
However, Yibo looked uncomfortable, tossing and turning, disturbing Xiao Zhan’s sleep. How can he dream like that?! By the love of God, not even a peaceful night’s sleep would he be entitled to?! Huffing softly, he curses the universe once again.
“Zhan-ge,” he murmurs.
“Yes?”
“Can I reach closer?”
“No.”
Yibo scoots to his side nonetheless.
“Too bad. Already in your space.”
Xiao Zhan sighs, not knowing what to do. If he was someone cruel, he’d have shoved the boy to the other side, but he was a good person who didn’t like to cause harm to younger men who used Dragon Ball as research material. Although Yibo fidgeted a little, unconsciously pulling the covers off with his feet and shifting beside him as if ants were stinging him in the butt, the boy seemed harmless.
“Zhan-ge,” he murmurs again.
“Pray tell, what is it this time?”
“Do you think ghosts exist?”
As soon as he mutters this question, Xiao Zhan feels the younger man move a little closer, his body now bumping into his back already. His breath was right next to Xiao Zhan’s neck, making him shiver. There wasn’t space even to turn around, and he wanted very much to turn around just to raise his eyebrows in a clear interrogation signal to understand where that thought came from.
“Are you scared of them?”
Yibo shifts a tad closer, his hands grabbing Xiao Zhan’s white shirt by the shoulder, playing with the cloth on his fingers. He suspects the action was motivated by his inquietude in being inside a dark room thinking about non-existent ghosts; nonetheless, Xiao Zhan’s breathing halts for a minute. “Would you believe me if I say I’m not?”
“I wouldn’t.”
“Then no need to hide, of course I am.”
Xiao Zhan whispers, genuinely puzzled, “If you’re scared of ghosts, why are you thinking about ghosts right now, in the middle of the dark, almost reaching midnight, when we were just going to peacefully sleep? Why must your mind bring out that topic right now of all times? You had the light of the day to do so.”
“That’s exactly what I think! It’s exactly what I tell myself!” Yibo’s warmth reaches him completely, he can feel the boy nestling in the space beside him. “But my mind sometimes thinks by itself, so I don’t know, it just came to me again.”
Right now, they’re sharing the same spot. Still, he looks over his shoulder. Yibo was snuggled against Xiao Zhan’s backbone, holding his left arm by the blanket as if the older man was going to protect him from any evil spirits, his breath so close to his neck that only an inch was needed for Yibo to end up laying his head on Xiao Zhan’s neck and sleep that way.
Xiao Zhan knows he should be bothered, but he couldn’t find a single strength in his body to claim the spot or push the boy off. By all odds, he didn’t want to. It’s been a tiring day, a cold night, and he couldn’t believe they were having such a silly conversation.
“What?” Yibo whispers. “I feel that you’re looking at me weirdly.”
“Your mind thinks by itself?”
“Yeah, why? Yours doesn’t?”
Xiao Zhan chuckles.
Right, he really can’t believe they’re having such a silly conversation like that. In a way, it was a little comforting, not having to worry about anything at the moment, projects or performances, only about being haunted by ghosts or minds that think for themselves.
Yibo lightly slaps Xiao Zhan on the shoulder, groaning in embarrassment. He couldn’t find the amusement in what he said, but it seemed like something to be ashamed of. “Hey! Shut up! That ain’t funny!”
“I’m sorry, it’s a bit funny,” Xiao Zhan tells him, struggling to keep a straight face. “Are you scared of ghosts that much? Is that why you’re reaching even closer? Because it’s either that or you’re a koala in human form, don’t think I didn’t notice.”
The bodies they currently belonged to were quite different in many ways, but they both knew themselves. For this reason, Xiao Zhan could acknowledge that when he flushed with embarrassment, his neck and cheeks were easily targeting parts. Yibo was burning crimson, a lovely red pepper in the middle of the dusk.
“I can’t avoid it, okay? If I don’t feed hidden enough, I’m scared a ghost will appear. Bear it with me, ge, please,” he groans in despair, deliberately hiding his face in the crook of Xiao Zhan’s neck. “Listen, I’ve been scared of spirits since forever, I think. Not that I’ve ever seen one or anything ━ in fact, if I ever saw one, I believe I’d faint. It’s just… when I was young I had no siblings, so I’ve always had to face this myself, you know. I’d take my fluffiest of pillows and keep it close to me while I slept, you could call it my comfort object.”
He glances over at Yibo’s profile. Well, wasn’t it weird looking at your reflection and still feeling the strength of another someone in there, another voice and another soul altogether? Xiao Zhan sees no issue anymore. Yibo can whisper for the rest of the night, still he wouldn’t find it strange, because at this point his mind grew used to capturing the sound not as his own, but of Yibo’s himself. The younger man could inhabit the body he owned; nonetheless, for some odd reason, he still manages to see him as he is.
And he hopes Yibo can see him too, that he can distinguish Xiao Zhan’s soul beyond the body he currently resides in. While the boy keeps explaining, he raises his hand ━ heavens, he hopes that doesn’t make things weird between them ━ and places it over Yibo’s back, trying to soften the anguish out of him.
Yibo barely notices, focused on his speech, “And I used to peek at my parents watching horror movies sometimes, which made me even scarier! I know it was stupid of me, because why would I peek at horror movies if I was scared of the content already, right? But you know kids are curious. Then I’d get so terrified that I’d hide beneath a blanket, hug my pillow and sing a song slowly for the demons to understand I wasn’t sleeping. If I wasn’t sleeping they wouldn’t take me from my house.”
Xiao Zhan hums. “So they couldn’t take you away from your house if they knew you were awake instead of asleep? Is that written in the demons’ moral code, or…?”
“Shut up! I was a kid back then!”
“You’re still a kid now.”
“You’re the worst,” Yibo mutters. “I don’t even know why I told you this.”
Turning away, the younger man’s hands leave Xiao Zhan’s arms. His body heat minutely drains away, and it seems that once again the space between them will open up for good, but Yibo doesn’t go back to his side of the bed, instead decides to just stay a respectable distance from Xiao Zhan’s body. Although it’s an understandable attitude of someone who’s tired of not having his fears validated, he doesn’t seem resentful, as if he already heard many tirades about the foolishness of his emotions before.
Xiao Zhan wants to caress his back again, but they’re not close enough for such a thing anymore. He stands there immobile, his palms frozen in the space where Yibo laid. Slowly and unsure, he questions, “Do you want me to leave a light on?”
He never slept with a light on before, and he doesn’t even know if he could. But to reverse the situation ━ not knowing why he wanted to reverse the situation so much if he already prioritized his space a lot before ━, Xiao Zhan could try.
Yibo mutters, “No. I think I’m fine like this.”
“Alright.”
“Humh.”
Something seemed to be wrong. Xiao Zhan recognized his faults, and he probably should have welcomed the boy a little more ━ not only because he was the oldest man, but also because Yibo had shared something that he probably avoided saying aloud. He’s suddenly filled with regret, now wishing that the trust Yibo had placed in him would return, that his hands would continue to caress the younger man’s back.
Xiao Zhan shifts in bed, sighing. Trusting another person was sometimes a long shot, yet he wanted to take Yibo’s reliance and preserve it wholeheartedly.
“When I was a child, I wanted to be an astronaut,” he softly whispers, doubtful if the younger man’s listening. “Astronauts are sailors of the sky. They’d conquer the moon, even the coldest of planets, even the weirdest of species, and know the universe by hand. But then I discovered that astronauts had to study math, psychics, and complicated subjects I couldn’t care less about… and I realized I only liked the perspective of being an important sky sailor, of guiding the clouds somewhere far. Then I gave up on that. I focused on the Earth instead, on what I could do to feel more connected with the world than to get out of it into another space.”
Besides him, Yibo shifts a little, as if moving closer to hear better. Even though his sleep was greater than his attention, at least he was getting some reaction, and Xiao Zhan smiles minimally. Do you see this? Can you listen to me too? I am telling you something I never shared with anyone else, please keep my secrets safe that I’ll keep yours as well, he ponders.
“And I found art. I liked doing art. I liked drawing, painting, expressing feelings into something real and visible, something even touchable. Through another light, I think that maybe being an astronaut is rather lonely, you know? You’re in the middle of emptiness, no one around to talk to, no one to hear you. That’s terrifying. Perhaps… perhaps that’s what you were scared of as a kid, wasn’t it? Of being alone in a room, of leaving your parents, of standing in the middle of a void by yourself.”
Finally, Yibo seems to realize what Xiao Zhan was trying to do and soothes his insecurity by getting closer, now almost falling into unconsciousness. “I don’t know anymore… Zhan-ge, you can’t just do this to me, my mind’s too tired to function right now and you’re making me want to reflect on things. But I’ll keep that in mind, I’ll keep that in my heart for later, okay? I’ll keep your words no matter what.”
There’s a hand circling his arm, tugging the blanket covering both of them, and his breath again stumbles upon Xiao Zhan’s neck, the comfort of his warmth bringing the sleepiness back. It’d be nice to just fall into the land of dreams like that.
“I’m sorry,” he says, patting Yibo’s head. “Go to sleep.”
Yibo holds Xiao Zhan’s wrist down. “No, no, that’s actually nice. We’re having a mutual moment. I shared a secret and you shared another. Isn’t that about trust? Maybe that’s it, maybe we can come back to our bodies through the power of trust. We should work on that more, if we start sharing lots of intimate secrets maybe we’ll come back to how things were.”
Ah, there were many other secrets about his childhood and about his adult life that he didn’t want to talk about. It’s okay that they were futile secrets, little pranks hidden like any eight-year-old boy would pull out, but some things were so shameful that Xiao Zhan would rather change countries than go through such an ordeal.
And come on, power of trust? He doubted they were trapped in a comic cartoon episode where both their lives could only go back to normal after they accepted their bond. They quite clearly had a nice bond ━ there was no way he could deny such a thing while having Yibo’s body all plastered on his side like a koala ━, but the idea of sharing more secrets seemed pointless.
“You can’t possibly tell me you really believe in what you’re saying.”
“From what we went through until now, everything’s possible, isn’t it?”
It’s true, but still. Xiao Zhan shall already regret the position they were in as soon as he wakes up in the morning, he didn’t want to have more things to feel stupid for. He says nothing to rebuke, but the younger man snorts regardless; mellow and cheeky, the sound causing Xiao Zhan to quietly retract his hand from Yibo’s grip.
“I was joking, by the way. You’re not seriously the worst, you know,” Yibo huffs, tapping Xiao Zhan’s shoulder in reassurance. “There are worse people in the world I could’ve swapped bodies with, after all.”
“Thanks for letting me know,” Xiao Zhan says dryly.
He plays with Yibo’s hair anyway, and the younger man hums.
“You’re very welcome.”
There was a whole section of the bed on the other side, but Yibo seemed much more content lying next to Xiao Zhan, his hand still circling his arm. There was also a clear difference in the size of their bodies, a difference he didn’t mind too much because, as he was still the oldest person among the two, he was supposed to be the one offering protection and comfort.
But even so close, there was still a space between them, a tiny gap between the blankets. He wouldn’t dare cross, and he feared that Yibo would also wonder if he was invading Xiao Zhan’s privacy. There was no more privacy to be invaded, Xiao Zhan no longer minded sharing the same space with him.
Therefore, he puts his arm around Yibo’s silhouette, holding the man so that nothing would come to torment his sleep during the night. No ghosts or memories of the past could ever come close. Xiao Zhan would be the comfort pillow he lost when he grew up.
“Yibo.”
“Yes?”
His voice sounds deep and low, a whisper through the midnight.
“I don’t care, if you reach closer,” he eventually says. “I don’t actually mind.”
“Oh. Okay.”
With explicit permission, Yibo now settles a little closer, allowing himself to circle Xiao Zhan’s body to throw his legs over his ones without shame. Then he clings to him and lays his head on Xiao Zhan’s shoulder, the ends of his hair making the older man’s neck prickle.
Now there was no longer any way to detach himself from the person in his arms, even if he wanted to. And who knows, he might regret it in the future, but he’s too satisfied now to care. Xiao Zhan lets himself relax, resting his chin on top of Yibo’s head. The whole mess could wait until tomorrow morning; they could get a night’s sleep and not care about anything else for at least one day.
“Goodnight, Yibo.”
“Goodnight, Zhan-ge.”
Yibo curls up until he finds a comfortable position, allowing sleep to finally take over his body and soon slipping into unconsciousness. Xiao Zhan sighs, fearing that he’ll miss this feeling during the other nights to come. But he decides to leave those considerations for later. And together they sleep.
If Xiao Zhan had all other careers in a past life if not being a dancer, he was surely gifted with the talent of singing, and Yibo’s never been so glad for that detail.
After all, even though the performance goes smoothly in the beginning, the melodic tone of his own voice surprises not only the watchers but also Yibo himself. Xiao Zhan tells the interviewers afterwards that the motive he got a bit clumsy during the dancing part is that he had a sprain during last rehearsal, that’s why his skills might’ve been a little disappointing.
Indeed he was clumsy, but he sang so well that everyone just decided to ignore that.
Yibo doesn’t know exactly how to feel about that, how to hold his heart from beating too fast, how to explain that in that stage, he didn’t see himself, he didn’t see the face he was always watching in the mirror ━ but he saw and heard Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan’s voice and Xiao Zhan’s eyes, singing like a siren in the sea, calling out to him.
His manager would probably wonder about the sprain after, but she’s got a kind heart in the depth of her soul, and shall be worried instead of annoyed. She’ll probably not even question why the dancing part was that amateurish when Yibo’s been dancing even with a strained and hurt ankle since he started in the industry, she’ll probably focus on how in the heavens did he hire a singing genius without her noticing. Yibo knows her too well.
What he also understands too well is that his career will be rising to sky levels after this. He couldn’t use any part of his throat to make art like that ━ yes, he’ll call that art, as Xiao Zhan told him many times before, because that performance was outwardly magnificent.
What he also understands too well is that he stood frozen in the middle of the audience. The stupid silhouette of a man stricken by the vision of a another one on stage, holding a microphone but calling out his name exactly like a siren in the sea; he understands how his body leaned in to listen, how his heart beat faster to envision Xiao Zhan as he stood singing, the glow of a soul so beautiful and hypnotizing that made Yibo’s lips dry.
And he won’t forget that vision not even in a million years.
As the week passes and the nights go by, they don’t mention the cuddling-in-the-night situation. Yibo was too ashamed to talk about a moment of vulnerability, and Xiao Zhan perhaps too hesitant for the same motive. Things being as they were, Yibo left the apartment as soon as the performance finished, leaving the older man with a simple farewell note and a brief handshake when they encountered each other in the garage grounds, camouflaging from others.
Xiao Zhan had looked hesitant but warm all the same. He looked at him so mysteriously that for a moment Yibo wished to go back to the night when they laid side by side.
“I’ll see you another time?” he said.
“For sure,” Yibo answered. “We’ve still got a body swap to solve.”
Xiao Zhan smiled, and simple as that, they parted ways.
Yibo had no reason to extend his stay. There was the fear of some of his assistants finding him wandering around the luxury apartment and him ending up arrested for the accusation of being a stalker. In the end, certain that the older man was able to perform on stage remarkably well using the voice Yibo possessed much better than he himself could do, his alarm of leaving him alone was unfounded.
It was all right if Xiao Zhan wasn’t a professional dancer. If he compensated this lack of technique with his excellence in singing, there was nothing to worry about.
Working in the industry for many years, he’s never seen someone get used to the stage so easily and sing without the fear of missing a note or two; it’s possible Xiao Zhan would win all points during a karaoke round. He was definitely born with a talent, which followed through that entire body swap. Yibo tries releasing a bit of his voice when he’s alone, but even though Xiao Zhan’s voice was melodious just fine, he lacked certain security and capacity that was exclusive only to the older man.
In between the last years, he’s heard many people commenting that it was extraordinary how good Yibo was on stage, his dancing talents so smooth that everyone called him a natural ━ but he actually trained the moves since childhood, never caring much for those who disdained practice. He’d rebuke every one who’d say that innate talent existed. But at that moment, Yibo understood that this kind of talent really did exist, because Xiao Zhan could achieve perfect notes without trying hard.
Indeed an unbelievable feature… and deep down, he wished to hear him singing again.
But they still had a long way to go until they’d get back to their bodies, and for the moment being Yibo couldn’t be distracted by silly indulgences. So he takes the flight back to Chongqing, back to Xiao Zhan’s life, back to the apartment he’s grown accustomed to.
And it’s a sweet pleasure when he spots Jianguo walking on her short legs towards him, clinging to his pants until Yibo takes her in his arms.
“Jianguo, I missed you,” Yibo scratches her ears, finding the purr she makes quite endearing. “Did you miss me too? I know I’m not your real dad, but I’ll be really sad if you tell me you didn’t miss me. I left so much food for you, did you eat it all?”
The night back to the place he’s living turns out to be filled with cat caring, unpacking his suitcase and watching a basketball game ━ Xiao Zhan isn’t a fan of sports by his TV history guide, but since Yibo’s the one ruling around his little life, he believes he has the right to switch his favorite channels to more interesting entertainment.
Like adding channels of basketball matches and motorcycle races. That is, of course, another one of his thousand improvements to the older man’s world.
You see, he’s turning him into a cooler and healthier person by buying more vegetables than chips and sprinkling sports in his routine. Yibo’s generous like that, he won’t even charge for being a lifestyle coach.
All in all, the weekend goes by in the blink of an eye, and soon comes the day where Xiao Zhan’s period off the company reaches an end; Yibo’s reminded one morning that he’ll have to come back to Su-laoshi’s office on regular notice.
What a hassle. It’s been a long time since he’s worked like a normal employee.
Me:
i have a plan
evil sorcerer:
If it’s not about our situation, then please don’t tell me about it.
Me:
listen, if u just quit this job
i could find you a better one
i’d make you famous!!
evil sorcerer:
Working in this consuming industry?
No, thanks. I’ll have to pass.
Me:
zhan-ge i cannot draw for my life
think about it, ill just ashame u
ive never done this, i dont want to do this
evil sorcerer:
Well, I’ll be acting on your behalf today and I’ve never done that.
But I’ll try because I’m a good man who cares for your life.
Now go to the address I sent you already.
Su-laoshi likes punctuality.
Me:
i hate u
u r pure EVIL
evil sorcerer:
So I’ve heard.
And ordered like that, Yibo puts on a formal outfit from Xiao Zhan’s wardrobe, mopping the whole time. He takes the office briefcase the older man informs him about while still moping, and leaves the apartment moping, and takes the bus moping.
Even when he arrives at the executive building, he still has the pout of someone who didn’t want to be there, the sulking expression of a kid who’s just been dropped off at the school gates by his parents after spending the night playing video games and now wants to be sleeping under the covers instead of socializing with other kids his age.
Yibo’s experienced this before. He never thought he’d have to experience it again being a mature adult. Being under the covers would’ve been much, much better.
“Xiao Zhan!”
He hears a female voice call out to him as soon as he steps into the office. It’s a beautiful space, nothing too glamorous or too humble. There are several employees talking to each other, some discussing on the phone and some of them drawing on an iPad.
Yibo identifies the woman who greets him amiably as Xuan Lu, a friend of Xiao Zhan’s whom he knew from pictures. A little shy, he settles to nodding, “Oh… hi.”
“How are you feeling?” she questions, seemingly excited (how could anyone be that excited at 8 in the morning during a work day, Yibo could not phantom). “Did laoshi bother you too much on your days off? I know she could never let you be, she’s always needing you.”
Beside her, a short man with deep cheekbones participates in the conversation, “Of course, that’s because you’re the best designer in this company. She’d need you some time or another. There’s no rest for the talented employees, poor you.”
And that’s Zhuocheng, if he’s guessing correctly. He’s spent a good amount of time getting a grasp of Xiao Zhan’s friends and family, therefore knows about their close relationship: Xuan Lu met Zhuocheng in college and at first they hated each other, until Xiao Zhan, who was Zhuocheng’s roommate at the time, decided to take her to a karaoke together. They sang Bohemian Rhapsody in a broken English long after midnight, which simply settled their close friendship.
Yibo has a good memory when he wants to, of course, he remembers everything the older man told him. Even though he wants to punch his guts sometimes, the guy’s not as evil as he thought he was, and his life could be called quite… interesting.
“One of these days we’re gonna die from exhaustion,” Zhuocheng comments as Yibo recognizes Jianguo’s picture in one of the desks and decides that it’s certainly Xiao Zhan’s, soon sitting down on the chair. “Even when we’re out of the company she wants us to work! We’re not even paid extra hours, that’s so unfair!”
Xuan Lu turns around to slap her colleague.
“Speak lower, Cheng-laoshi might hear us!”
“Oh. I’m sorry, I forgot Yan Cheng’s here today.”
As he places his belongings on the table and removes his iPad, Yibo raises his face when he hears the name being pronounced. Xiao Zhan warned him about the man who acts like the boss within the department (and especially adores messing with Xiao Zhan himself), but he’s content to point out that he never promised not to cause trouble.
“You mean… the guy who hates me?”
“Who else could it be?” Xuan Lu huffs. “Zhanzhan, you don’t know how much trouble he’s been making us put up to!”
“That dickass is always threatening to send us out. He thinks he owns this place just because he’s the supervisor’s cousin and friends with the HR department!” Zhuocheng shakes his head, as if even thinking about the guy disgusts him. “He’s a goddamn asshole, that’s what he is.”
Yibo nods, choosing to stay silent. Deep inside, he’s once more cursing all the possible creatures in that universe for putting him in that situation ━ and praying that Xiao Zhan won’t kill him if he ends up unemployed at the end of the day.
Zhan-ge, I’m not as patient as you… if that guy gets in my way, I’m not sure I can hold myself back. I know you’ll be pissed at me for that, but if he’s really that bothersome, I won’t regret punching him in the chin!
He turns on the electronic device, yet before he can do anything else, Xuan Lu hums to catch both their attention again, “Hey, what’s up with your face?”
She’s clearly pointing at Yibo; however, when he touches his cheeks, forehead and nose to check if anything’s wrong, he finds nothing.
“Huh? There’s nothing wrong with my face.”
“You’ve been doing this aloof expression ever since you came in!”
Zhuocheng shows a confused expression, but takes a moment to analyze Yibo’s face as well, then comes up with a nod, “That’s true, Zhanzhan.”
“We missed your smile, without it this office was plain darkness. And you’re looking so serious here with us,” Xuan Lu sighs in nostalgia. “Where’s the shininess of our friend’s smile?”
Shit, and I’m supposed to be a great actor. You can do better, Wang Yibo!
Despite the fact he’d definitely cause a fight over an annoying colleague, he didn’t have the heart to cause disharmony among Xiao Zhan’s friends. As someone who barely had people to trust while growing up, he knew damn well how to value those.
Therefore, Yibo turns to the two of them and offers his most sincere smile. But the acting doesn’t work out. What he gets instead of an expression of approval is the surprise of Xuan Lu, whose lips hang open in shock.
She blinks, “Are you… trying to scare us out?”
Zhuocheng makes a cross signal with his fingers, pointing it to him, and some other employees look around to check what’s going on. Yibo coughs twice to hide his embarrassment ━ until that point, he thought he was doing a great job as Xiao Zhan.
“I said we missed your smile, we didn’t say we missed Pennywise’s smile.”
Yep, that’s it. I might as well just drop this career. Not for me, apparently.
“Come on, give him some time to actually be back to this company,” Xuan Lu pats Zhuocheng on the shoulder. “I’m sure he just spent too much time without us and now’s trying to grow used to living with our amazing selves again.”
Letting out his breath in relief, Yibo comes back to work while his colleagues decide to focus on their tasks for some time. The job was, for the most part, tiring. Nevertheless, he soon warmed up to Xiao Zhan’s friends, finding in the two goofies a comfort to deal with the company’s complexities.
Oh, and there was great gossip going around. Though Yibo himself didn’t like to share stories about others, he was quite interested in hearing them anyway.
According to Zhuocheng, there was a secretary who had gotten pregnant by her sister's ex-husband, a man who had been arrested for assault last week, and an accountant who made up a story about someone else at the company ended up being exposed in the cafeteria, right in front of everyone.
Yibo listened to all the tales attentively, in case Xiao Zhan wants to know about it later, of course. No other reason whatsoever.
Many times over the last years, Yibo spent his nights wishing he had friends just like those. He lost a lot of his youth together with his bandmates, but the hectic careers and different paths made them grow apart. Secretly, he wanted to create that kind of intimacy with others as well. That’s why he takes advantage of Zhuocheng’s jokes and Xuan Lu’s joy, admiring their connection as a whole.
Of course, he knows some people are finding his aloof behavior odd, in particular when Xuan Lu explains to him about the renaissance project they’re developing ━ what the hell does renaissance mean anyway, is it an art TV show of sorts?! ━ and a shop design scheme specialized in cowboy culture for a young foreign entrepreneur.
But he soon discovers that drawing a horse based on an internet tutorial was too complicated, and what he ends up with, was a ridiculous sketch of something that weirdly resembled a goat.
“Fuck,” he hisses to himself, hiding the internet tab where he was checking a drawing tutorial (he’s scared the T.I department might find it suspicious, but, well, that’s a problem for when he’s not freaking out about horses and goats). “I don’t think this looks cool…”
Xuan Lu looks over, eyebrows furrowing.
“What’s up with that language?”
“Sorry. Bad habit.”
“Huh? You never curse though.”
Goddamnit.
Xiao-laoshi, it’s too difficult being you!
He’s never had trouble portraying a character, but Xiao Zhan was making himself a tough challenge. Who in that century had no habit of cursing sometimes? Especially at work, it’s an inhuman trait not to curse when they’re working! Yibo sighs, gulps down another bad word and comes back to drawing his impossibly ugly horse.
Well, at least he tries coming back to his project, because right when he focuses on the drawing again, a young man dressed in a blue blazer drops some files on his desk.
“Xiao Zhan,” he says, and Yibo looks over to spot a plain-looking face that he guesses it’s Yan Cheng’s. “Check these documents for me. I need you to digitize them and properly organize the projects in proper archives, then send those to Su-laoshi by 5 P.M.”
What a nice way to first meet someone. Of course that’s not the first time Xiao Zhan gets to know the grace of said Yan Cheng; Yibo, however, got a terrible impression ever since he first acknowledged the guy’s existence.
He long came to terms that Xiao Zhan was an interesting, charming and kind person despite how unnerving his indifference to their situation stood, at times. The older man can even be considered fun, if he’s being honest.
That’s why he can’t understand how people would treat him that way, and why he’d simply let it be. That’s why, for the sake of Xiao Zhan’s honor, Yibo would not let it be.
“Why are you handing me these?” he questions, browsing the papers nonchalantly. “That’s not part of my job.”
From his peripheral vision, Yibo sees Xuan Lu and Zhuocheng watching the discussion unfold with surprised expressions. In fact, he’d pay attention to how the entire office was silently observing, anxiously waiting for something to happen, but he’s quite more pleased seeing Yan Cheng’s eyes narrow.
“What?”
Yibo crosses his arms, “I said, that’s not part of my job.”
Yan Cheng stops in his tracks, looking around as in either exasperation or anger. Whatever the emotion he’s experiencing, Yibo’s happy to see him distressed. To add fuel to the fire, he pushes the files towards the edge of the desk, back to the guy.
Elevating his chin, Yan Cheng made such a pathetic sight that Yibo’s a little tempted to chuckle at his face. The asshole comments, voice low in annoyance, “I’m handing you these papers because I need them done in three hours, and you’re my choice for that chore.”
“But from what I remember,” he begins, “I’m a graphic designer, not your secretary, right?”
There’s nothing to be scared of, in any case. From what he’s noticing, Yan Cheng poses no real threat; he’s like a dog with all barks and no bites.
What could he even do, rat him out for insubordination? Then he’d just tell everyone that he’s got no superiority over anybody. He’ll directly complain to the true superiors. And if Xiao Zhan gets fired from that company, whatever! He’s Wang Yibo, he can find another job for the older man in mere seconds.
To provoke the employee further ━ hell yeah, he’s having a lot of fun doing so! ━, Yibo sighs as he notices how simple the chore actually was. As someone who works hard for anything he puts his mind into, he can’t avoid feeling a little disapproval.
“It’s not even a hard task, I bet you don’t have anything else to do. What, you’re not even capable of finishing such an easy thing by yourself?”
“How dare you speak to me like this?!” Yan Chang raises his voice then, another sign of his pathetic side, and this time Yibo does let out a chuckle. “Xiao Zhan, I am your superior, you have no power to rebuke my orders!”
“Show me.”
“Hah?!”
“Show me your contract. Let me see if you’re really my superior or not,” Yibo tells him, leaning his hand over the table and resting his face over it. “Because I was under the impression that my boss was Su-laoshi. Not you.”
This time, he seemed to have approached a delicate topic, since all Yan Cheng can do is let his mouth fall open, his eyes widening. Silence befalls the office for a minute, until the boring guy stomps his feet like a child, gulping down his embarrassment ━ thereafter, he picks the files again and pulls up a patronizing facade.
“Forget it. You’re not even that great of an employee anyway.”
“Sure,” Yibo slides his hands through the small collection of awards and excellence certificatesXiao Zhan got on his desk. “I believe these honors here are certain proof of that.”
Deciding to act as if he can’t even hear him, Yan Cheng walks away.
Well, Yibo decides someday he’ll buy that company as a whole and fire that nuisance. You know, just because he can. Xiao Zhan doesn’t deserve staying somewhere people can’t appreciate him enough, and he now was starting to understand how much appreciation he deserves ━ tolerating that colleague of his was a big trial, for a start.
He ignores the looks from other employees and comes back to his drawing. However, right when he’s considering throwing the ugly horse away, Xuan Lu whispers, “Oh, my God.”
“Oh, I can’t believe I saw this… you’re kidding me,” Zhuocheng jumps to Xuan Lu’s desk, shaking her shoulders. “Jie, tell me this was a hallucination. No, actually, don’t tell me it was a hallucination! I don’t want it to be!”
“Maybe we’re all going mad here. That can be it.”
Both friends were showing their excitement by staring at one another’s soul and jiggling in place, the chair almost falling off with their commotion.
“Did I just see Xiao Zhan face Yan Cheng, not in my dreams but happening in real life?”
Though he’s quite proud of himself for fixing that small bothersome part in Xiao Zhan’s life ━ seriously, the older man should thank him for the rest of his life ━, Yibo wants to be humble and brush it off, “It’s not a big deal.”
“Of course it’s a big deal! I never thought you had this in you!” Xuan Lu declares, eyes still widened. “Remember your first day at the company and you told us you’d never pick fights with anyone?”
“Guess that’s the new me now.”
That’ll be the new Xiao Zhan ━ uncaring of the consequences, a super cool guy who owns the world nothing and shall brawl with other colleagues at the cost of his job contract. If the real Xiao Zhan gets angry at him, Yibo will put some sense into his brain later.
Right now, he’s quite pleased watching the awe cover his friends’ features as they leave the chair to cheer him up, and no one can take that from him. It’s the same feeling from when his band members used to hype his dancing or rap lines, the same thrilling sensation he used to experience when being on stage.
“Dude, you’re on fire today!”
Xuan Lu presses her hands over his forehead, checking if he was suddenly hit with sickness. “Zhanzhan, are you feeling alright? Do you have a fever or something?”
“See what some days of rest do to a person?” Zhuocheng mutters, crossing his hands in prayer. “Su-laoshi, please give me some days off too! I’ll come back ready to fight Jackie Chan!”
Although the opportunity seemed perfect for diving into the melancholy of days spent in training until reaching the stage of his current career and the nostalgia nourished by old friends he no longer had the same familiarity with, Yibo decides to focus on his work. He long learned to leave distractions for later, and the more work he had, the more this “later” extended.
The office day goes by very quickly while gossiping with Xuan Lu and Zhuocheng, which soon makes lunch time arrive. During a light meal in the cafeteria ━ with some co-workers winking at him or smiling as he walks, Yibo notes with some suspicion ━ he talks about trivial subjects, taking advantage of the company Xiao Zhan’s friends offer. After all, he’s starting to enjoy that normal life.
Quite hastily, the sky begins to darken, and the employees gradually leave the company. Yibo takes his materials to accompany Xuan Lu and Zhuocheng out in the street, where he requests a taxi ━ he can’t the bus again, not when he just wants to reserve the rest of the night off. The bus ride will last for an hour, how can Xiao Zhan endure?! How could any employee endure?!
Before he could enter the vehicle, he hears Xuan Lu screaming from farther away; they’re crossing the corner, but apparently remembered something and began shouting for Yibo’s attention. She’s saying, “Hey, Xiao Zhan! Come to our get-together next Saturday!”
“Yeah, dude, we’ll be at that bar on 11º street!” Zhuocheng raises his thumbs up real high, and Yibo grins at their silliness. “It’s not karaoke, but I think you’ll enjoy it!”
“And answer our messages, please! It’s been some time!”
Was this how Xiao Zhan ended his shifts every day? Surrounded by the comfort of his dear friends? Was he aware of how friends were a privilege to be valued? Yibo, anyway, felt amazing at that invitation, therefore shouting back, “Just send me the hour and address!”
“Believe me, it’s gonna be awesome! I’m loving this new you!”
Even from that distance, he can listen to Xuan Lu and Zhuocheng’s delighted squeals, and off they continue their walk. Yibo gets in the car, coming back to the house he doesn’t own, the bed he doesn’t own and the cat he also doesn’t own but wishes he did.
Because Xiao Zhan doesn’t have the life he wanted when he was a kid, but he has the life Yibo desires now that he’s an adult. When he was fourteen, he aimed for an idol career, but now he wanted the contentment of having friends, an ordinary routine, an adorable cat to call his ━ maybe the years are making him older and miserable.
Leaving the shower for the morning, he decides to give a ration of food to Jianguo and head to sleep right afterwards. Tomorrow’s another day, and he’s not rushed to discover how to get back on his body anyway, at least not for the time being.
Whenever the universe determines it’s time for him to get his body back, he’ll have it. Meanwhile, he’ll be caressing Jianguo’s back, gossiping about the next pregnant employee at the company, and ignoring the side eyes or the feeling of being a fucking impostor.
“Zhan-ge, you’re very lucky, you know,” he mutters to himself.
Like magic, he receives a message notification straight away.
evil sorcerer:
I think your jiejie likes me more than she likes you now. What an accomplishment.
Me:
what r u talking abt
evil sorcerer:
Oh, you know. Just me being a good samaritan and working my ass off on your behalf.
She said I improved a lot on my acting for some reason.
Guess you were right, that’s my real path now.
Yibo’s outraged at the information. He’s worked years in that company for them to just compliment his acting now that it’s not even him acting at all?!
Me:
oh nice. just nice. yes.
btw i might go to your friends’ get-together this saturday.
yknow how it is, apparently they think i’m much cooler for some reason.
evil sorcerer:
What
Me:
yeah its not just you who’s working their ass off.
evil sorcerer:
Alright. Do whatever you want.
Me:
i always do whatever i want
evil sorcerer:
GOOD NIGHT.
Me:
good night :)
Doesn’t matter! If Xiao Zhan got the good graces of his manager, at least Yibo got the good graces of his friends and colleagues at the company, even going as far as starting a fight with his annoying big-ass bully.
So that means, he has one victory in hand.
You can’t win me, I’m rocking with your life. There’s nothing healthier than vegetables, nothing better than facing your work issues, nothing better than going out with your beloved friends. So don’t blame me. Don’t start something you can’t finish, ge!
Yibo sleeps fairly well that night, thinking that he won’t be guilty for living Xiao Zhan’s life any longer, since the older man was evidently having a lot of fun being him. He won’t be nurturing any sensible feelings for that evil gege!
The next morning he wakes up with a body relaxed, no back pain as the older man usually has. That’s also when he realizes that the clock still hasn’t reached the time of 9:00 A.M, he’s got time before doing it all again, so Yibo decides he’ll redo the drawing barely sketched yesterday so as not to feel embarrassed again.
After all, he’s Wang Yibo, he has to absolutely absorb everything he sets his mind into. Even if it’s about art, the subject he’s the most terrible at.
So the younger man gets dressed, takes a shower and eats a light breakfast, sitting on the couch with an iPad in hands right afterwards. Just as he’s opening the screen, Jianguo comes stumbling down the hall, and he nestles her beside him.
She’s not so scary when she’s facing him with those big indifferent eyes as he scratches her tiny fluffy body. He bets the kitten adores the affection, but as every cat goes, refuses to show any emotion of contentment.
“Jianguo, do you think I should forgive your father?” Yibo questions, petting her furr softly. “Do you think I should forgive my manager and my team too? Should I just give up on that life and stay right here with you? Would you like that?”
At least he would like that.
Who wouldn’t want to be petting an adorable little cat all day long and have crazy friends to hang out with him sometimes? Seriously, Xiao Zhan has been living the dream and he doesn’t even know it.
Speaking about the devil ━ quite literally, in his opinion ━, Yibo sets his mind to ask for the older man’s help in drawing the specimen of a horse. Even if they left each other in a bit of an argument last time, it’s the guy’s duty to guide Yibo through the complex task of managing a design project, so he unlocks the phone and types a message.
Me:
sorry. didnt even ask u yesterday… but how were things on the set?
did u have any trouble? call me later or whatever.
evil sorcerer:
Oh, that’s a change.
Never thought you were capable of that.
Me:
nevermind. fuck you.
evil sorcerer:
Calling you right now.
The phone rings in less than 3 minutes.
Yibo picks it up with an unnamed rush, strangely excited to hear the other man, to just talk to him. Jianguo purrs while he scratches her neck, and he fidgets a bit, not knowing what to say to someone he cursed just a moment ago.
“What’s the meaning of renaissance, by the way?” it’s the first thing he asks, leaning the phone into his shoulder and starting to draw. “I feel like I should know that because the term’s familiar to me, but art’s never been one of my strengths…”
“What, am I your private Google search now? You’ll find a lot of representative pictures on the internet, more explanation than I can offer.”
What a kind and well-disposed gege he found. Yibo pouts unconsciously, finding it absurd that his methods of convincing older people to do something for him are starting to fade. But he tells himself it’s Xiao Zhan who can’t get past his grudges!
“I don’t care about Google, you’re the graphic designer here and it’s your job to teach me about it so I don’t ruin your gig thing going on,” he explains. “Also, I think I need some help with the designs, I tried drawing a cool horse once and I ended up with an ugly chicken. Personally, I don’t think that’s a good sign.”
In front of him, the drawing of a horse develops into a brown blob running along a green-colored mess he decides to call grass. Whatever he was trying to do dissolved into a perfect imagery of what people shouldn’t recreate when trying to draw anything whatsoever. But even if he’s a negative model, well, at least he’s a model.
“Oh, but I’ve heard you’re doing pretty fine, if my friends, my traitor friends who I’ve known for years, are accepting you into their get-together…”
He seems grumpy, akin to an eighty-year-old man complaining about the neighbor kids making a ruckus during the night and bothering his sleep. Yibo thinks it’s rather rational to find that annoying, but he discovers that he’s quite fond of that stubbornness in any case.
“Yeah, but they don’t know who I am,” he replies. “Don’t you ever agree on joining these get-togethers? Why you’re so surprised?”
“I barely go out with them, so they stopped asking me a long time ago. It’s crazy that they’re asking you to come now! They’re the biggest traitors! Am I not cool enough for them?”
“If you start complaining about them, I’ll also complain about my manager complimenting you,” Yibo counterattacks, the outrage of being replaced coming back to his brain. “There’s just no way, I’m never complimented! How dare you just meddle your way into my life like that, ha?”
“Blame the universe, not me. The universe’s the one who got us here in the first place. The universe’s a tricky bastard who hates us.”
“Let’s not get into that again… tell me, how was the day on set for the first time? Did you like being a cool, amazing actor? Isn’t it exciting?”
The sigh Xiao Zhan lets out shows that the day on set might’ve been, in fact, quite demanding. All the directors heard about Yibo’s tenacity, now they’ve no qualms when requiring him to do physical stunts worthy of a Jackie Chan movie, it’s an achievement that he regrets a little.
“Tiring, but also very fulfilling.”
“What scene was it again?”
“The one in the rain, the cliché kiss and make up. I like your character, but I think he suffers too much from the protagonist’s hands,” Xiao Zhan protests, and Yibo agrees with the opinion wholeheartedly. “But your co-actor’s quite pretty. I think she thought that was your first kiss and tried comforting me, yet I was really just unused to kissing other people with cameras all around.”
“Ah, do you mean Shin Meixin?”
Well, he’s never had a kiss outside of work. He’s an inexperienced little creature when it comes to matters of kissing and dating, especially other people in the industry, who care more about looks than personality.
Listening about Shin Meixing from Xiao Zhan himself brings a sour taste to Yibo’s mouth, a stinging sensation creeping on his chest and spreading to his whole body. He knows that kind of celebrity, he understands the appeal of getting close to another popular idol, and for some time Shin Meixin has been bothering him a lot.
“That’s right.”
“She’s annoying. Keep a distance from her.”
“What? But she looks nice!”
“That’s what she wants you to think. She never stops talking and her flirting becomes inappropriate,” Yibo grumbles, frowning as he deletes the drawing and begins another one out of spite. “Believe me, you don’t wanna be scolded by the director after you’re grumpy because she couldn’t stop bugging you”
“She seemed kind, though. Are you serious?”
“Yeah, trust me. And also, that girl’s father is crazy, I’m telling you. I’ve heard he’s got a farm full of big hunting bears and goes out with a new woman every weekend. Last year my manager told me that he wanted me to be the protagonist of a dark film with erotic scenes. My character would even have sex with a woman fifteen years older to steal her money!”
He doesn’t even know why he’s telling this industry gossip to the older man, but he seems to be enjoying himself plenty, and then Xiao Zhan chuckles, “Seems to me that you missed a big opportunity there.”
“Are you messing with me, ge? I can’t do that with cameras around,” Yibo’s ears burn with the thought. He’s thoroughly a virgin ━ a virgin, but not an innocent man, okay? ━, yet he won’t be mentioning this. “I’d have to be naked in front of everyone, and why would I do that? So embarrassing! I don’t want random people seeing my cock!”
“Hey, watch your language. Don’t say that word.”
“Cock, cock, cock! What’s the problem?” it’s funny how the older man lets out a frustrated groan, Yibo ends up grinning. “You’ve got a cock, I’ve got one. It’s not a forbidden word, is it?”
“Well, but it’s vulgar! Please stop!”
“It’s only vulgar if you say it’s vulgar.”
“God, you’re still a kid in fifth grade, aren’t you? I can’t believe you’re the one living inside my body. I don’t even wanna know if you’re treating it right or not.”
“Ge! I’m very reliable, I’ll let you know,” he rolls his eyes, forgetting the idea of sending a picture of Jianguo now that Xiao Zhan was determined to offend him. “At least I’m making sure not to fill this body with cancer cells.”
From what he saw in the kitchen cabin, that amount of potato chips could’ve killed him with heart disease quite fast. Doesn’t he know about the calories those packages are filled with? Is he unable to detect the danger of intoxicating his body?
“Do you even know what a cell is?”
“Apart from what you believe, I am not a kid in fifth grade. I know how to be an adult. I am an adult. I’m taking care of you really damn well, just as well as I take care of my own body.”
“Don’t lie to me, I have your manager to tell me the truth. You’re not very good at resting your bones and often forget to eat your meals, from what I’ve heard—”
“Says the guy who’s a workaholic and saves chips for a zombie attack!”
“If you take care of me the same way you take care of yourself, that means nothing.”
“I bet you’re also treating my poor body the same way you treat yours, and you barely care for your health either. I need good vegetables to keep me fit, ge,” Yibo pleads, although he knows Xiao Zhan’s aptitude for liking everything that does him no good. “Please don’t get me a heart disease or something. At least buy me some vegetables, I have money for that. You can use it!”
“Don’t worry, I’m a very reasonable man. You’re failing to notice how careful I am with your life. I recite your lines, sign your contracts — oh, and it was very hard to imitate your signature! —, host your shows, make you look good in interviews, always struggling to do it right. And I never once turned you unhealthy, made you look bad or tainted your body. I eat my meals during nice spans of time, choose all your best clothes and close my eyes when taking a shower. I treat all your employees politely and—”
“You close your eyes when you’re taking a shower? For what?”
“For what…” he murmurs. “What do you mean for what? In respect for your body, you idiot.”
“Well, I don’t have ‘respect’ for yours, so I didn’t expect that.”
There’s a silence at the end of the line.
“You look at my body?!”
“Our body now. Technically, my body, since I’m the one living inside it. Besides, you have a really nice one, you think I’d waste this opportunity?” Yibo clears his throat, thanking all the heavens the older man can’t see his blushing cheeks. “I mean, objectively speaking. Of course.”
“I can’t believe this.”
“Why do you have this amount of moles, by the way? You even have one in your co━”
Xiao Zhan hangs up.
What a shame.
Yibo really wanted to ask about the mole on his collarbone.
It’s not that Yibo does something to Xiao Zhan’s body, it’s not even that he disrespects or dishonors the skin he’s living beneath. He wouldn’t do anything weird. It’s just that sometimes he looks in the mirror, staring at the body he’s stuck in, and can’t find a single flaw about it.
For example, he knows for a fact that he’s got a nice nose and eyes, but he sees that the scar on his upper abdomen from falling from a tree when he was a kid doesn’t add to his beauty at all — his skin’s fair and he’s quite lean, but he apparently can’t grow muscles however he tries. He does have some sort of defined abs, he believes, but he lacks strength in his upper arms and chest.
Xiao Zhan, on the other hand, stands out in everything he lacks.
The older man’s body was wonderfully attractive. Yibo always thought that scars turned the body unsightly, nonetheless, the few parts of Xiao Zhan that had scars covered were alluring — sexy, if he dares say. One day, he shall personally question all of the little stories these scars hid. Xiao Zhan’s arms are careful in their muscles, chest defined to match the clean strong abdomen, a tempting happy trail hidden beneath a shirt and skin naturally tanned.
What, he eats his vegetables and does his exercises every day, but the guy who eats chips nonstop is actually more muscled than him?! Indeed, the universe’s not fair.
What’s even more unfair is how Wang Yibo goes to sleep touching his own heart ━ that is to say, Xiao Zhan’s heart ━, his fingers spreading over that clean chest wondering what can he do to go back, to find the older man inside his own body and to hold him close with his own soul. But the universe sings a song like that’s too straightforward to ask, then he sleeps under the covers dreaming of a melody sung by a familiar voice.
There ain’t no rest for the wicked and there’s even less rest for the popular idols nowadays. Xiao Zhan finds himself lying on the dressing room couch like a starfish; arms hanging on the edges, legs falling off to the ground. Sighing in exhaustion, feeling his bones relaxing after a long day on set, he finally understands that a celebrity’s life might be just as tough as the life of a normal employee.
However, he won’t be sharing that thought with Yibo whatsoever. Better keep the guy humble (although he’s not ever so humble anyway).
It’s been some time since they last talked, but Xiao Zhan has been nurturing the sentiment of having a serious conversation about their problems soon. He’s yet to mention the Fated Meteor as a cause for their body swap and has certain doubts if maybe they’ll change back during a full moon or another meteor shower, both occurrences being their last chance at getting their lives back.
After all, they tried everything already.
What else does that crazy universe want from them?
Xiao Zhan understands the concept of fate as an event that connects two people together for mysterious reasons, just like his grandmother mentioned years ago, but he’s afraid of what Yibo might think about it.
They’re one-month friends slash partners in supernatural events, and it’s great if they stay that way even after they’re back, since anything otherwise would be a complex issue into Yibo’s hectic stardom life, something Xiao Zhan’s still hesitant in acknowledging.
While he’s wondering about the entire situation, his manager enters the room, “Yibo-ya, are you feeling okay? We have a Bazaar interview in half an hour, let me know if you’re ready then I’ll be calling the car.”
“I’m alright,” he answers, getting up from the couch, “we can go now.”
She starts texting someone on the phone, eyes glued on the screen, and Xiao Zhan takes the green coat next to the chair, “Great, I’ll send a message to our driver.”
They leave the dressing room for the following studio and Xiao Zhan can’t believe that’s how Wang Yibo spends his days: in constant movement, never stopping for a light breath. In between camera flashes, he can’t avoid feeling a quiet anguish for the boy.
And if he’s truthful to himself, he’ll say he just wanted to hide the younger man somewhere far away, where those harsh articles can’t reach him and where he can sleep with no fright. And if he’s even more truthful to himself, he’d quite enjoy having him close after they change back, just to keep an eye on him, just for them to not feel the loneliness he’s sure comes with the idol’s contract.
Keeping that thought in mind, Xiao Zhan takes the phone out of his backpack and sends a message to the torment of his life.
Me:
Is everything alright there?
You didn’t send me anything since yesterday.
I’m starting to feel scared.
Wang Yibo:
im on the club with ur friends
damn u have too many female colleagues
they r like, ready to jump me man
Me:
Do anything with any of them and you’re dead.
Wang Yibo:
dont worry man i dont like girls
so its all fine yeah
im just surprised how they r really interested in u
Xiao Zhan frowns, suspicious about the reply and a little bit hurt. He’s never heard one complaint about his appearance before. Perhaps he’s the one who needs to be humble.
Me:
Why you’re surprised?
Don’t I have my charms?
Wang Yibo:
u r just a boring old gege
who can only eat chips for dinner
not cool, ge, not cool
Me:
Shut up, it’s not like you’re much better.
You’re a sports freak, that’s what you are.
And also, I hope you’re not eating my chips.
Wang Yibo:
nothing to worry abt ur chips
………bc i threw them all away.
Well, he changed his mind way too early.
Doesn’t matter how difficult the idol life is, Yibo apparently deserves no mercy.
Me:
what.
Wang Yibo:
its for ur health!
ge i bought u vegetables
u r gonna see so much change in ur life
Me:
I cant hear it anymore.
you are DEAD to me.
Xiao Zhan turns away, exasperated at his own foolishness on being sympathetic. He enters the car, throwing the phone back into the bag and shaking his head.
Forget it. The boy was clearly a menace.
Some days are faster than others. At least that’s what Yibo realizes when working full-time like an ordinary employee. Some days are tougher, with long projects to be finished before the weekend (and that leads to asking for Xiao Zhan’s help, which further bothers his schedule and messes both their days) and boring meetings to endure.
Some days he gets home more exhausted than ever. The only thing that can cheer him up is going to the karaoke bar with Xuan Lu and Zhuocheng, and it’s fine if they say he’s not singing that well anymore and even if what they only pass for him to sing is Stephanie Sun’s whole album, because Yibo can let himself be free like he never felt.
Nonetheless, he’s not available to go out with anyone, and people should stop asking.
“Xiao-laoshi, I’ve heard you’re still single,” a blonde girl from the Finance Department who was present at the karaoke last time softly stroked her fingers through his shoulders. “Poor man, you’re that handsome and still lonely… what about I take you home tonight and we have some fun?”
“I can’t,” Yibo pushed her hands away.
“Why would that be?”
He had stopped in his tracks for a moment, staring at the bottom of that girl’s eyes, who blinked seductively. If he hasn’t already admitted to himself to be a total homosexual and especially acknowledged the fact that Xiao Zhan didn’t want to be intimate with no one at work, he’d feel a little bit like a prey caught by a predator.
She was, indeed, quite pretty. However, the idea of Xiao Zhan being interested in her, or even building a relationship with someone so shallow, gives him unprecedented shivers down his spine.
“I’m saving myself,” Yibo drops an excuse. “For… marriage.”
The woman blinks twice, face dawning in confusion.
“And also, I’m gay.”
That apparently makes the woman change her mind, and she finally offers a kind, perhaps embarrassed smile to come back to her group of friends.
Well, Xiao Zhan should thank him, because he at least can prevent him from getting into trouble. Isn’t dating other coworkers supposed to be against the company rules or something? Maybe that’s a fundamental part of an idol contract, but he’s sure it won’t be taken lightly in other jobs as well.
In any case, it seems that Xuan Lu and Zhuocheng have a lot of fun discovering that failed attempt of hers. Apparently, the woman’s name was Luo Yanmei, a fellow colleague who arrived at the company last year by connection, straight from the Huang Corporation, and since day one she had her eyes on Xiao Zhan.
But it’s quite delightful to discover, by Xiao Zhan’s friends, that the older man was in fact bisexual. Which was nice to know, just as a mental note or whatever. It’s just something that catches in his brain without intention to leave.
“Jianguo, at least I didn’t come out for him, right?” he said later that night, squatting to match the feline’s height. “His friends knew about his sexuality already, I just happened to use it as a way of getting that woman outta my back!”
Therefore, Xiao Zhan shouldn’t be resentful when he comes back to his old life, he should be happy that Yibo allowed him to be free of coworkers inappropriately asking him out. Also, the woman wasn’t even that interesting in matters of personality, he sees no reason as to why they should be together. The older man deserves someone better, someone prettier, just to match him.
Some days don’t involve blonde women and karaoke nights. Some days Yibo comes off work, watches a movie with Jianguo sitting on his lap; they share a pizza because he’s too weak to endure the kitten’s pleading eyes and tries making a nice dinner only to almost burn down the whole house. Some days he’s so tired that he sleeps before taking a shower, and some days he prefers calling Xiao Zhan to randomly talk instead of sleeping.
And most days, when he’s feeling excited to start the day, Yibo picks a piece of paper and leaves a small note stuck on the kitchen’s fridge, so when Xiao Zhan comes back to his body he could read them.
The notes are simplistic but honest, including matters such as:
“Hey, Zhan-ge, I almost considered you an evil man once, and you may be a little mean sometimes, but it turns out I’m glad to be friends with you. You’re an old man still learning, anyway. Do you think we can continue being friends even after we go back to our bodies?”
“Zhan-ge, I’ll kidnap Jianguo. I’m not joking.”
“Zhan-ge, don’t be scared if you find your carpet still wet and slightly off place. The washing machine was crazy, and I hadn’t dominated that thing yet, so the water started flooding your kitchen and a bit of the living room…”
Doesn’t matter if Xiao Zhan will read those or not, he still writes them, just for the sake of leaving a memory. Even if they don’t continue being friends, he’ll leave a little mark of his presence around. That might be petty, but he accepts what he can get.
Some days he rests on the couch after a day at work and anguishes for the friends, job and home he’ll never get to have. Some days he searches for his own name on Google to find Xiao Zhan doing quite fine as him, receiving more praise than he ever did for suddenly becoming charismatic, so what if he decides to enjoy the privilege of Xiao Zhan’s life in turn? What if he decides that he just wants a normal life?
Because he wants to. He so dearly wants to.
And he admits that if he receives the consent, he’d give everything up to live in that house for the rest of his life, without the paparazzi cameras and the awkward interviews. If Jianguo and Xiao Zhan accepted him there, he’d throw the fame behind to continue having the pleasure of a lovely home.
Yet most nights he gets to call Xiao Zhan to discuss with him matters about their own lives, and these are almost always good nights. They barely talk about how the older man’s enduring the industry life, since they both know he could do every job excellently well now, so Yibo seizes these moments to complain about domestic chores, take tips for design projects and diss Xiao Zhan about his terrible flexibility.
“Damn, you’re old,” he says. “Like, do you ever stretch in the morning or something? I was walking down the company’s stairs and your back made a sound. Like, Xiao Zhan, it really made a sound, it cracked like a cookie. Don’t you ever exercise?”
He hears a huff at the end of the line, the sound calming his nerves after a tiring work period of bothersome employees and monotonous meetings.
“Hmn.. rarely, to be honest. But I’m glad you do, right now I can reach my fucking toes. You’re like an elastic superhero or something.”
“Dude, that’s what normal people do! Like, seriously, ge. Please consider some yoga.”
“I don’t have time for yoga,” Xiao Zhan replies, and Yibo’s shocked to discover that he can actually imagine him rolling his eyes. “I’m a mature adult with a tiring job.”
“You say your job is tiring? Look at mine! I have to travel to cities back and forth, never stopping for a minute! And still, I practice!”
“But that’s basically your job! Your job is being healthy and beautiful and fit!”
“You’re throwing excuses!”
Some days can’t be changed, and some days they laugh on the phone like two foolish kids who couldn’t care less about the world. In between these laughs and Jianguo’s soft purr in his lap, he’s pleased enough to forget about bothersome employees or monotonous meetings. These are definitely Yibo’s favorite days.
“If they’re overworking you, just tell us! We’re gonna take a plane and make you stay here with us until you get enough rest!” on the phone, Yibo’s mother makes a warning. “We just want what’s good for you, but if this job’s leaving you sick, we’re very worried, Yibo-ah…”
Xiao Zhan leaned the phone on his shoulders, holding the doorknob close so he could not lose his manager from sight. They’re waiting for a photoshoot with the cast from Yibo’s current drama, “Running To The Sky”, but he received a call directly from Luoyang; Yibo’s parents were worried about his schedule. Apparently, his father saw an article mentioning how he got a fever from working too hard during a winter day.
He does consider Yibo an enthusiastic idol and his parents are wonderful creatures who are constantly sending news about the family (he smiles during all those messages, forwarding them to his own phone number so the younger man could read), but he’s doing his best not to overwork the poor man’s body.
“Mom, dad,” Xiao Zhan calls, tasting the words referencing people who weren’t in fact his parents, which leaves him shivering lightly. “I’m seriously considering your concerns. I won’t go beyond my limits again, I swear.”
“You better not, boy, you better not!”
“Next time, I’ll pay more attention to not getting another fever. Even if I do, I’ll warn you first thing, take the medicine and care for myself very well,” he tries calming her down.
“If we see another article about you overworking yourself, you bet we’ll be knocking on your door instead of just calling you. We won’t mind if you’re busy or not, I’ll make you drink that tea you hate so you can get better!”
Well, Xiao Zhan supposes all mothers are prone to poison their children with disgusting honey tea when they’re sick. His mother’s the same and he smiles at the thought.
“I understand, mom. Don’t worry, I’ll be more careful with my body, okay?” he spots Song-jie pacing anxiously around the corridor, then decides it’s time to say farewell. “Now, I’m sorry to leave you like this, but I really have an appointment at this very moment and I’m kinda late, so can we talk later?”
“Go, go, we’ll message you!”
“Great, I’ll reply when I’m free.”
“Oh, and we love you!”
“I… love you guys too.”
Isn’t it weird listening to two people who are not your parents saying “I love you” to you? And isn’t it weirder saying it back? However, Xiao Zhan finds that many things they went through can be considered freaking weird, so he won’t dive into the matter. Besides, Yibo’s parents are sweet, always attentive to his needs, which makes him remember his own parents.
However, at the moment, they’re rushing to a photoshoot and he wants to show competence, so he finally closes the door, stuffing the phone into his left pocket. After ceasing the pacing around, Yibo’s manager approaches.
“Are you done?”
“Yes,” he nods, “we can go now.”
He’s ready to go now, his bag hanging on his back and uniting more courage to go through with the rest of the schedule. However, just as he’s turning the studio’s corner, he feels the phone ringing again. Enduring an anxious glance from Song Meifen, he hisses a curse and pushes the mobile out of his pocket one more time.
It’s Wang Yibo calling. That makes his heart clench.
But the thing is, Yibo never calls him during the day. The thing is, they agreed on discussing things on nights when they had nothing else to do; they’d talk during busy office afternoons and mornings lacking recording time. And if Yibo was up to ruining a day in his career to call him, he’s sure it’s not because of anything irrelevant.
“Wang-laoshi, unfortunately your phone won’t be allowed during the photoshoot,” his manager nervously says, possibly worried about the team finding out about this small sign of unprofessionalism. “Can you please turn it off?”
Xiao Zhan bites his lips and grips his phone tighter.
“Could you give me just a minute? I really need to pick this up.”
Not even waiting for a reply, he picks up the call and heads towards the dressing room again, passing by staff suspecting of his anxious expression and assistants murmuring between themselves. Reaching the private space, he finally puts the phone next to his ear.
“Yibo? Did something happen?”
“Yes… actually, I’m in the vet at the moment because Jianguo got sick,” he says, and Xiao Zhan’s heart momentarily stops. “I don’t know what to do, and I think you should be here… they’re asking a bunch of things I know nothing about!”
Jianguo’s only sickness when Xiao Zhan first adopted her was a slight diarrhea that soon ended when she started digesting meds given by the vet. He also remembers getting distressed on the waiting couch, hoping she’d get better soon, only to end up back to normal in a mere hour.
But Yibo knew little about cats, and he couldn’t call that a light problem without perceiving the whole situation first.
“What were her symptoms? Why did she get sick?”
“She was so weak and vomited on the carpet, I got desperate, then took a cab here. They said they’re checking it and she’ll have to go through some exams. I’m… I’m very scared.”
Listening to Yibo’s shuddering voice, his heart breaks even more. Not only did he have Jianguo to care about, now he’s nurturing intimate feelings towards the young man that prevented him from acting rationally. Xiao Zhan bites his lips one more time, thinking about the schedule and unsure of what to do.
“I have… a photoshoot right now.”
“You can say to jie that you’re having a stomachache or that one of your relative’s dying ━ it doesn’t matter. Zhan-ge, the photoshoot doesn’t matter right now,” his voice trembles, the worry about Jianguo’s health clearly shaking him off. “You need to be here. Please come here, I can’t do this without you.”
That settles things up. Xiao Zhan will not leave Yibo and Jianguo by themselves, and if he has the man’s permission to leave even during an important event such as a photoshoot, he’d do it for their sake. He nods to himself, determined.
“Okay. I’ll be there before nightfall.”
It’s Yibo who hangs up, and it’s Xiao Zhan who takes the bigger coat resting on the dressing room’s chair; picking up his wallet and keys off the mirror desk as well just as he begins searching online for a plane ticket.
Heart beating loudly, he opens up the door to find his manager waiting on the other side, arms crossed and feet repeatedly knocking on the floor. She seems anxious to kill someone and Xiao Zhan’s sure that ‘someone’ is him.
However, the current issue gives him courage.
“Song-jie… we need to talk.”
It’s amazing how many mountains you can move when you have the money and the fame to do so. While Yibo sends his location, Xiao Zhan explains to his manager how a distant relative was in need, that’s why he’d have to cancel the schedule for now (if he throws some urgency of life and death into the speech to convince her, no one needs to know).
Soon enough, he’s taking the first plane to Chongqing. And not long afterwards, he’s tracing the route to the veterinarian hospital care where Jianguo’s staying.
“Zhan-ge!”
“Yibo!” Xiao Zhan gulps down, extending his arms to hug him in return. The young man shakes against the embrace and he feels tears falling down on his shoulder, which makes his guts turn into an unpleasant sensation. “Yibo, why are you crying? Please don’t cry… everything’s gonna be fine, I’m sure of that.”
“I’m sorry! I bet this is my fault… she’s so cute, I couldn’t avoid sharing some parts of my meals with her,” Yibo circles his arms around the older man, hanging for his life as if he just killed a man. “Now she’s probably sick because I was reckless! I’m sorry, and I understand if you hate me, and I don’t know if she was actually enjoying my company, but what if she also hates me now? Because I made her sick, didn’t I? I’m a terrible fake father for your kitten…”
Xiao Zhan’s heart melts away, the worry ever constant but the warmth of the younger man together with his frightened eyes drowning him in affection. At first, he thought that Jianguo would be in terrible hands, since exchanging bodies didn’t mean exchanging the same care towards another being; it’s wonderful watching Yibo’s consideration for his cat growing evermore. To the point of bringing tears to his eyes.
What could a man do? Right there and then, Xiao Zhan feels moved by Yibo’s entirety once again. His heart, his emotions, his intensity, the way he can hold him fiercely in a hospital hall and how he wants to stay like that forever.
“No… no, Yibo, look at me,” he caresses his cheek, and even though it feels weird to look at the image of himself in the eyes, he’s past the fact that now he can perceive Wang Yibo’s soul inside it. “Did she ever scratch you aggressively? I don’t she did, I don’t see any wound in you. She used to do that when a visitor came home, you see? Doesn’t she meow for you out of nowhere? Doesn’t she sit quietly in your lap? You sent me a photo another day where she was sniffing your hand ━ that’s a sign she likes you, okay? She could never hate you, you silly man. You’re good at taking care of her, and I don’t think she’s sick because you gave her human food, you’ll see.”
“But what if—”
“There’s no ‘what if’,” Xiao Zhan interrupts him, “she’s gonna be fine. So please, let’s just eat and do our best to be there when she gets better, alright?”
A beat passes. No nurse, doctor, sound of medical machines or loud barks can be heard because the only thing that matters is having Yibo looking down on him. For a moment, the present moment exists solely for them. Xiao Zhan leans over to dry the tears off his face while a slow wave of tenderness showers his body.
It’s a quiet falling. And Xiao Zhan doesn’t want to think about the after, so he nestles the younger man back into his arms and rests his face on his shoulders.
“Zhan-ge,” Yibo mutters, “I’m glad you’re here.”
Later, they’ll be called to enter the room with Jianguo, and the veterinarian will explain about a light infection that’ll have nothing to do with how Yibo has been treating her. And then they’ll listen to the doctor’s suggestion of Jianguo staying the night to receive treatment as if they’re truly two worried parents; Yibo’s hand will brush against his just like a shadow and soon enough Xiao Zhan will grasp that hand in his to comfort the man.
But right now, they’re pleased to hold each other without knowing about the future, and Xiao Zhan sighs to himself, whispering into Yibo’s ear, “I’m glad I’m here too.”
The house holds a different aura when the door opens. Once the deal closes with Jianguo’s veterinarian (Xiao Zhan’s little baby will stay in the clinic and he shall stay in with Yibo until the time for his flight back to Beijing comes), they took a cab in silence and avoided to look at each other’s face for the whole ride back. It was unbearably awkward to sit across a person who was beholding the face you’ve got for the past thirty years, especially after they’d become intimate, so Xiao Zhan was content to watch as Chongqing’s view goes by through the window.
At first, he notices furniture off place, a piece of clothing sprawled on the living room carpet and some decoration items that switched to other spots. Perhaps Yibo felt more comfortable that way, but it slightly makes him hesitate.
“You really changed a bit here.”
“Nothing you won’t recognize, don’t worry, ge,” Yibo says while taking his shoes out, then brushing the words off as he enters the house like its true owner. “Just moved some things here and there, you know, to feel more like in my world. And that plant vase didn’t go well with that rose painting you had next to the TV stand!”
“Yibo,” Xiao Zhan carefully calls, “I’m a designer.”
“Yeah, and so what? You were in need of a little more perspective, what’s the problem? Happens to every professional at this time of age.”
The shadow of a smile can be seen forming on the younger man’s face, the sheer teasing of his tone causing a fluttering feeling to Xiao Zhan’s chest that he distinguishes as an infatuation. After taking his shoes off, he follows Yibo into the living room — even the smell of the house’s different, a sweet fragrance revolving around the hall. Is Yibo buying a new kind of shampoo? Does he always invade someone’s life to the core of it or he just wants to control Xiao Zhan’s life alone?
“Oh, and about that frame of a weird garden, I had to move it or it’d distract me about how the pattern’s different from the curtains,” Yibo continues, sighing as he lets himself fall into the couch. “And you had that strange naked man item on your shelf that kind of freaked me out, so I moved it to the guest room.”
Xiao Zhan blinks. “That was my ancient Greek statue.”
“And it’ll now torment your dear guests. Away from my eyes, close to other people’s nightmares. You really have the same tastes of a grandmother, ge.”
For a moment there, he considers arguing back about how Greek mythology and artistry aren’t at all compared to a grandmother’s preferences — however, Xiao Zhan understands now that Yibo’s not the kind of person you can simply discuss rationally. At some point in an argument, you might realize, against all your previous statements, that he was, in fact, quite right on some points.
And he doesn’t want to be wrong about this. He’s too tired to engage in a further argument, therefore sits right beside Yibo on the couch, “What, you won’t even apologize for shuffling stuff in my own house?”
“No, I bet you did the same in my house. We’re even.”
Xiao Zhan thinks about the skateboards he moved to the farthest room in Yibo’s house, the weird-ass pants with hanging strings that he took out of the wardrobe, the way he moved some items of minion figures to other places (the feel of those tiny yellow creatures looking at his back could make anyone shiver) or how he misarranged some of the younger man’s things to make himself more comfortable.
Well, if he’s being honest, perhaps they are even indeed. Feeling ashamed, he fakes a cough to hide his cheeks blossoming, “Fair enough. I can live like this.”
Up until nightfall, both of them stay rummaging through TV channels in the couch, Yibo trying to steal the remote control from Xiao Zhan’s hands to watch a basketball game while Xiao Zhan goes searching for a nice drama to spend his time, claiming that since the house belongs to him, he’s the one who owns the right to call the dibs on the TV channel.
(The argument seems fine to quiet the discussion, but when he notices Yibo pouting beside him, he can’t avoid changing it back to the sports channel, the younger man lighting up again.)
He dozes off in between the matches, and when the clock hits 7:00, they decide to order a pizza, which arrives by 7:40. Eating with eyes focused on a screen has always been a difficulty to Xiao Zhan, but seems to be an easy achievement for Wang Yibo, who cannot take his eyes off the basketball game even as he devours the dinner.
However, by 9 P.M, dozing off isn’t enough to rest his head, so he finds himself getting up from the couch and heading towards the bedroom. Exactly when he does as much, Yibo turns the TV off, in the middle of screams from an excited crowd after a win.
“I’ll be sleeping in the guest room tonight, then,” Yibo clears his throat, getting up as well, and Xiao Zhan has the intrusive thought that leaving the man alone in the darkness of the guest room really wasn’t very polite ━ but sleep does wonders to a man’s mind.
“No, you won’t,” he yawns. “I’ll sleep there.”
“What?”
“You’re living my life, right now I’m just a visitor,” he explains, the idea of letting the younger one sleep in a space full of dust and old trinkets doesn’t seem very courteous.
“Don’t worry, Yibo, I know my bedroom couch’s way better than the guest room’s and you had a long day, okay? Just allow yourself to have this. ”
He stops in the middle of the hall, glances at Yibo a bit: he’s standing in the living room, looking frightened as a cat with his arms hidden in the hoodie. Blinking and pouting a little, even using his face Xiao Zhan can’t avoid feeling the sympathy burn in his chest.
Yibo sighs. “Okay.”
Though the urge to embrace him hangs on and the warmth of the room seems to link their energies together, Xiao Zhan walks towards the guest room and proceeds to do his hygiene, change his clothes, then lay down to sleep. However, even if he’s comfortable in bed, the soft pillows calling him to dream, he still thinks about Yibo laying in the bedroom beside him. Wrapped in his duvet, the same place he’s been sleeping for years.
Life happens so tough sometimes that you can’t take the punch with your hands wide. Sometimes it’s better off if you fight some desires so you can live without any further issue; he knows the media now, he knows about such repercussions. Sometimes it’s better off if you decide to stay in the bed, to avoid the feeling of cold, to avoid the desire of invading the room next to his and hug the entirety of Wang Yibo.
But sometimes that’s not needed. Sometimes it’s not you who invades, but the other way around; sometimes you feel the twist of the knob, the tud of a door closing, the dip of a person in the mattress and the head of a man reaching close to yours, placing his space into your space. Your body doesn’t react for a second, yet your heart does; it jumps around like a rabbit when the younger one hugs you around the waist.
“Yibo?”
“Humn?”
“What are you doing?” he takes Yibo’s body with his arms, holding him close, but nonetheless worried if he’s in full capacity to discern his actions. “Are you conscious?”
Yibo hugs him harder, his cold hands touching Xiao Zhan’s spine and making him shiver for a second. Then, he mutters quite slowly, “I’m very conscious.”
“Are you scared of a ghost?”
“Maybe. I don’t know anymore,” he nuzzles his head into the crook of Xiao Zhan’s neck. “It feels right to be here… can’t leave you alone, can’t be alone.”
Which words can you take out when a guy’s hands touch yours in the middle of the darkness? Which words can you pronounce when a guy’s legs intertwine with yours and the slow shuddering sensation trace a pattern in your spine? What can you do when the tenderness arrive in untamed waves down your chest, marking a symbol inside you?
“I’m not judging you, Yibo,” Xiao Zhan whispers, caressing the skin beneath his fingers, the coldness of the younger man’s body touching him and melting in the way.
For a moment, he shivers. And that doesn’t go unnoticed by Yibo.
“Are you cold?”
“Maybe. I don’t know anymore.”
He knows nothing anymore. Perhaps what he does know is that Yibo’s hands feel good tracing a route into his skin and seemingly leaving drawings of unknown design into his ribs.
While he draws these invisible figures, Yibo says, “I like when we’re in the dark like this. I can’t see your face, but I can feel you how you truly are, you know? In the dark it’s not like you’re in my body or I’m in yours. It’s just me and you.”
“Yes, just me and you,” they’re alone in that space and time, two souls stuck together. While drawing himself closest to Yibo, he wonders about the beauty of living. “I’m really not judging. If anything, I’m merely surprised that everyone thought about how you’re all cool when next to me you’re like a koala.”
“Shut up. Don’t make me think.”
“It’s not weird, you know,” he continues. “Not for us. I don’t think we have the luxury to worry about weirdness right now, things are what they are, regardless these said things are different for others.”
He does mean it, he means that even if their situation seems quite odd, they’re still in this together. They’re still awkward together, and it matters no more. Yibo hums something incomprehensible, reaching closer in the bed to lock his hands around Xiao Zhan’s waist ━ his chest burns as the coldness of the younger man’s skin finds his own, a slight touch of a finger above a small part of his open stomach.
“Zhan-ge,” he murmurs. “You’re really something else.”
“I’m really not.”
“You’re extraordinary.”
I’m not extraordinary at all, Xiao Zhan thinks as he decides, hesitantly, to reach out and pat Yibo’s hair. I’m not someone who’ll be remembered in ten years, I’m not someone in the news, I’m not someone as important as you.
But I am, in fact, very lucky to have you like this.
“You’re just saying that because I protect you from ghosts.”
Wang Yibo huffs in amusement. “That, too.”
While the warmth of someone else’s body comforts him, he doesn’t know what else to say, how to keep that moment hanging. It’s edging the midnight, and they’re quite tired from the day, but still Xiao Zhan wants to keep caressing the other man’s hair.
Then, questions, “What are you thinking?”
“About what we’re gonna do when we’re back to our bodies,” Yibo mutters, as naturally as if he was expecting that inquiry already. “I’ll definitely be sending you messages about Jianguo, and I’ll be so anxious to dance on a stage again… also, since you can’t ride a bike for me, I’ll have to get back on track — literally. You’ll have to endure me calling you to small talks every now and again… hope you’re ready for that.”
There’s a pause, and Yibo raises his chin a little higher, reaching the beginning of Xiao Zhan’s neck. Something hangs between the two of them, something very intimate and slow. The younger man whispers, a steady voice making him shiver, “And you, what are you gonna do, when you’re back to your body?”
“Hmn… I’ll definitely place my Greek statue back where it belongs.”
He gulps the feeling, a little scared of what’s gonna be of them in the next morning. Especially when Yibo apparently smiles, replying, “I’d discuss ‘bout that, but I’m too tired right now.”
Xiao Zhan hugs him back, finally. They can talk later, always.
“Goodnight, Yibo.”
“Goodnight, Zhan-ge.”
It’s astonishingly easy to sleep that way. At least it’s easy when you let yourself feel at home, when you sigh deeply to yourself as Yibo’s breath becomes lighter, falling unconscious in a matter of seconds. One day in the future, he’ll be mentioning to other people a story about these days, and no one shall believe how much of a fool he was for getting so connected ━ he won’t dare to say the right word, not that deliberately ━ to someone who’s living inside your own body.
Because, in the end, perhaps that’s even more odd than the actual body swap thing. For some time, he’s unable to fall asleep, although he enjoys the feeling of Yibo’s hair in his hands; their legs were intertwined so effortlessly, like it’s a natural action between them. They match in any way of the word as the night goes by, two bodies so close that almost seems like one.
And he doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know how to feel. When the morning comes, the light falls into the bed softly around 8 A.M, waking up the one above it. He moves, groaning in laziness, then notices the empty space beside him.
Yibo opens his eyes, and Xiao Zhan’s gone.
The whole house seems different after that. It is as if an important part of the substance lost its way, and he can’t even tell if it’s his fault or not ━ Xiao Zhan does send messages wondering about Jianguo, however no other word were uttered about their night cuddling together. Yibo can recognize that perhaps the older man’s feeling weird about that fact, yet he’d have loved to communicate everything that happened, if any willingness was shown.
On Monday, Jianguo was liberated from the clinic. Her joy when reaching the house and running towards her small tunnel, toys and bed, irradiates such an adorable energy that Yibo can’t avoid recording videos to send over to Xiao Zhan. The older man sends a line of relieved emojis, together with a lot of hearts, and he smiles when opening them.
“Hey, Jianguo, do you think your dad will stop avoiding me?” he wonders once, softly caressing her fur and kissing her forehead. The cat makes no reaction at all, which further causes him to give her another kiss. Then, he continues, “I think he’s scared, and I don’t have any rational argument to share with him to face this. The situation we’re in, it’s not rational at all! I know I should be scared too, but at this point, I just want him to keep talking to me normally…”
Poor cat, probably never had any trouble akin to his in her life. Good to her, merely living her life as a feline and not worrying about human lives with their continuous issues; it’d be so great to be a cat as well. Just meowing around, no concerns to panic about.
Sometimes Yibo has trouble sleeping by himself. It’s rather dark in that house of Xiao Zhan’s, and not even Jianguo’s presence in the bed calms him down ━ he takes cold shower to fight off nightmares, expecting the water to wash his worries away, however he’s still a trembling mess when laying around, whispering to himself a quiet lullaby.
During these scary moments, he imagines Xiao Zhan.
Xiao Zhan who’s scared of absolutely nothing, not even the universe causing trouble. Xiao Zhan who held him in Beijing, who let him cling to his body for his life, who caressed his back while Yibo told a story about his childhood. Xiao Zhan who shared another story of his. Xiao Zhan who seemed to never leave his mind lately.
On the other side of the country, in Beijing, the same thoughts come across the older man. He’s oblivious to Yibo’s longing because he’s going through his own, laying down on the apartment bed as he revises every moment they’ve had since the very beginning.
He tries pinpointing the exact moment where Yibo’s pouting transformed from irritating ones to cute demonstrations of disappointment, and when his little reactions, as well as his touches, began messing with his heart. Xiao Zhan rolls around the bed, restless.
“If you don’t feed my cat properly, I’m gonna kill you.”
They’ve been on the phone for five minutes now. It’s soothing to hear the older man’s voice especially after he’s spent the last week ignoring Yibo’s callings ━ that meant a busy schedule, he’s aware enough, but it also means Xiao Zhan wasn’t ready to talk about whatever happened between them the last week.
Which, in fact, Yibo can comprehend, even if he’s disappointed himself. Huffing a small chuckle, he answers, “You kill me, you kill you.”
“I’ll kill you when we’re back to our bodies.”
It’s 7 P.M on a Friday, a full working period in the company that tired Yibo to the bones. The only appreciation he had was Jianguo’s cute moments sitting with him on the couch, making him ease the pain from the hard-ass chair in that office. At first, he opted for a basketball match, but when he saw Xiao Zhan’s upcoming call, he rushed to pick it up.
(Jianguo, if you saw me falling off the couch for one minute, Yibo prays with his eyes glued to the animal’s, please swear to me you’ll never mention that to anyone! Not even to any of your cat friends! And especially not to that wicked father of yours!)
But Xiao Zhan didn’t call to talk about personal matters, not even about the busy schedule he so long grew used to. Instead, he calls to mention the project coming up soon, and helps Yibo take the notepad from his art space to start sketching a 3D design he struggles to follow the instructions.
“What is this for?” he inquires, watching as some numbers seem to multiplicate upon registering some angles at the bottom of the page. “What are these numbers?”
“Mathematics.”
“Why do you need mathematics?”
“I’m afraid you might not know what it means,” Xiao Zhan seems to sigh, an attitude he’s not prone to reflecting on himself, yet sounds gorgeous when the older man’s doing so, “but some people need them to do some calculus.”
Wang Yibo hums his disdain, knowing very well that might throw Xiao Zhan off the hook he’s been pulling out for some time. He comments, “Yeah, that’s why you have a calculator in your phone.”
“Huh? That’s practically cheating.”
“Well, technology was created to make us cheat in life.”
It’s funny how he can exactly create a scenery in his head where, in Beijing, Xiao Zhan huffs and rolls his eyes at the response. On the other side of the phone, he continues being a sassy sorcerer, “Please just shut up and do what I’m telling you.”
“Hmn… what’s my reward?”
“Me not saying things that could end your career?”
Yibo grins. “Funny, I’m always saying things that could end my career myself.”
“Me not purposefully falling in my butt in the middle of a presentation just for people to mock you?”
“You’d be the one mocked. I’m not there to suffer.”
“Me not wasting all your money with dessert?” Xiao Zhan counterattacks, certain of his words and every threat. “Which, please, I’d love to. You know, it’d only make you lose your fit and not affect me at all in the end. I thought you were very worried about your looks…”
“...”
“Me deleting all the game data in your phone? Me throwing your video game in the trash?”
“Okay, okay, I’m doing it!” Yibo throws his head back in agony, but comes back to work on the design with intense focus. After all, he can’t be playing with the one who’s at the front line of his life. “Damn… you’re evil.”
“Says the guy who tried poisoning my cat and threw away all my chips.”
“I didn’t try to poison your cat, that was an accident!” he defends himself. “And I replaced the chips with vegetables! It’ll do good for your body to avoid that junk food. God, I don’t even know how you’re still alive.”
They talk for some more minutes, the accident from weeks ago fading into the sheer intimacy of their existence. Falling into someone’s orbit shows to be fluid; maybe falling in love requires an intense level of linking with the universe that they bring you exactly what you need, exactly what both of you want deep in your heart. Even if you can’t notice, it’s inside your heart ━ before the first touch, the first bickering or the first eye meeting.
Xiao Zhan mentions tales of the agency, how they’re impressed at how many art trivia he shared over the course of the last Day Day Up recordings, and Yibo mentions how stressed he is when office girls ask for his number, even if he already settled for the “being gay” kind of excuse (which isn’t an excuse for Yibo, and, by the way the older man laughs, doesn’t seem to be an excuse for him either).
Xiao Zhan mentions stories of other dancers, of people Yibo once grew up with, stories of how they went to a happy-hour together and sang karaoke until 1 A.M, and how he pretended to be sick the next day just to avoid a stage performance he wasn’t ready to (the hangover really got to him). Yibo wasn’t bothered in the slightest, instead only laughed at the courage, and spoke about how Xiao Zhan’s colleagues loved his dancing skills after a company event which had real “cool” music.
They watch videos of Jianguo contemplating the skies together, one from Chongqing and the other from Beijing. Their hands can’t touch, but perhaps their hearts might, if they pray to the moon real enough.
“Zhan-ge, it’s a full moon, do you see?”
He outlines the shape of the moon with his fingertips, asking himself if Xiao Zhan can feel these fingertips caressing his chin. But ignoring this cliché, the realistic answer he gets is, “Yeah, I see it too, Yibo. It’s beautiful.”
Wang Yibo smiles, content with the answer he’s allowed to receive. Content with what he’s allowed to be given. It’s been some time since they’ve exchanged bodies; though he has no idea how to come back, he’s still pretty sure there are some things in this life he wants to keep holding on forever.
He’s being called for the fourth scene that day, then there’ll be another change of clothes, another set of fighting scenes; more hardship, less time to eat, short amount of time to sleep properly. Xiao Zhan can’t complain, because that life wasn’t his choice, but it’s during these exact times that he can admire the bravery and resistance of such a young man.
Song-laoshi drops his phone on his desk while he’s changing wigs. “You have an important call from the Bazaar agent, he’s still concerned if you’ll accept the interview or not, and Du Hua wants a reunion with all the team members this afternoon to discuss marketing.”
“Alright,” Xiao Zhan replies, comprehensively. “I’ll be there after I shoot these parts.”
“Do your best, and try being as quick as you can.”
Nodding as she leaves the room, Xiao Zhan takes his phone off the desk. What worries him at first isn’t the call from a mentioned Bazaar agent, but instead a series of murderous emojis coming from Wang Yibo’s chat.
Thank all the gods up there that Song-laoshi doesn’t seem very bothered to invade his life and perceive the conversations, so he sighs in relief, opening the chat.
Wang Yibo:
zhan-ge, i might have a Problem
Me:
Oh, God. Please don’t tell me you poisoned my cat again.
The more you feed her, the more I feed my anger towards you.
Wang Yibo:
THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE
get over it. SHE’S over it.
Me :
I won’t be forgetting, so YOU get over it.
Cats’ memories might be short-term, but I have a terrific one.
Wang Yibo:
well, great. then why didnt u warn me
that ur mother would come here today?
Me:
What?
Wang Yibo:
‘what’ indeed.
Moms are almost always very intrusive, falling back into your life as if she owns it. Xiao Zhan can acknowledge that fact, and he can acknowledge even further than his mother was a beast when treating him! She’s always getting worried, bringing up speeches as if being a psychologist was in her blood, and cannot avoid complaining about anything in his house ━ he sighs, shoving his palms in his hand, knowing very well that Yibo’s in trouble.
“Wang-laoshi, are you ready?” the hairdresser asks with a smile.
He glances at the phone screen one more time. Surely Wang Yibo can survive this, right? The guy who’s constantly coming up with cool tricks, dangerous sports and a hectic lifestyle can deal with the complaints of a Chongqing mother alone, couldn’t he?
Damn, he wishes he can. Xiao Zhan gets up from the chair, cleaning his throat.
“Yes, I am. Let’s go.”
“Xiao Zhan-ya, please eat some more, you look too skinny!” Xiao Ning, a mother of about 60 years-old with a frowning face, presents him with another bowl of sichuan noodle soup. “Look at you, how many pounds have you lost since we saw each other for the last time? You’re lucky I brought you some homemade meals, otherwise I’m sure you’d drop dead without your mother to care for your health.”
Alright, he understood about mothers being overprotective all the time, even if you left your parents’ house. Nonetheless, Yibo’s own mother has never been this caring to take food towards his place ━ perhaps because of Yibo’s frantic schedule. Hesitance covers his mind, any action sounding out of place in that moment.
“Ma, I’m really quite well,” he replies, having a bit of the soup (one of the best meals he’s ever had, if he’s being honest). “I’ve been consuming a lot of vegetables too.”
“Let me see,” she opens the fridge in suspicion, checking for every bit of toxic aliments, but there’s nothing questionable inside. She hums, examining the contents: “Broccolis, carrots, potatoes, pork… indeed, everything to compose a healthy meal, right?”
“Exactly. Nothing to worry about.”
Xiao Zhan should give him an award for his methodical planning that changed the circumstances! When he first heard the doorbell ringing, the woman on the other side called, “Xiao Zhan, don’t pretend you’re not in there! I’m your mother, you can’t hide yourself from me!” he did panic, but after years being an actor and improvising scenes when needed, nurtured within the art of fabricating false elements.
Then he asked Xiao Zhan’s mother calmly, “Wait a minute, Ma, I’m only wearing my boxers!” to go running to send messages to Xiao Zhan himself, who, in fact, ignored him after knowing about the predicament. What a bastard! Having all that busy time for himself!
However, Wang Yibo does a wonderful job of taking weird post-its out of the kitchen, hiding things here and there, storing away any indication of his personality instead of Xiao Zhan’s own. A mother knows best, it’s what they say, so of course he should be very meticulous.
Xiao Ning, as he heard the name coming out of Xiao Zhan’s mouth once, enters the house narrowing her eyes, examining every detail of the rooms. She says, “I’ve seen you in your boxers before, you silly boy,” then proceeds to prepare the sichuan noodle soup for him, a silence so heavy that could crash both of them whole.
Right now, Yibo continues eating the soup while Xiao Ning searches for proof of his unhealthiness in the kitchen cabinets, “What about all of those snacks you keep buying? You can’t hide those from me, I know you keep consuming that poisonous food ever since you were a kid, hiding a package beneath the covers and all!”
“All of them are gone, I swear.”
Well, some of them. But she doesn’t need to know about it.
Yibo hid the packages he bought back for Xiao Zhan in the last cabinet of his bedroom, where he’s quite sure ━ well, he expects there won’t come a need for that ━ that she won’t look for. He sticks his tongue out for a minute, the chili burning his mouth but the taste of the soup was still delicious enough to make him continue (also, what kind of Xiao Zhan impersonation would he be if he couldn’t eat a little chili sauce?).
“Great,” Xiao Ning sighs, sitting beside him at the kitchen table, apparently tired of looking for any suspicious activities in the son’s home. “You’re making me proud, then.”
That’s surely something Xiao Zhan himself should hear, and Yibo’s heart stops for a minute. Later, he’ll make sure to note that down for the older one to see.
“Thank you, Ma…”
“Don’t you have work today?”
“I’m working from home. Special project.”
“They overwork you too much, you always have these eye bags when you send pictures or when I come visit,” she says, and her looks seem to envision Yibo’s entire soul. She looks very intent of perceiving him, on watching him eat. “Everybody needs some rest every once in a while. A rest from work, from life, from everything.”
Yibo sips more of the soup, evading the conversation, but listening carefully at the same time. Upon noticing the curiosity he’s trying to hide, Xiao Zhan’s mother continues, “My boy, have you ever heard the story of the bear and the woodman?”
“Guess not,” he shakes his head. “But I heard they’re not supposed to be good friends?”
Xiao Ning smiles, watching him intently. A kind of mystical aura emanates from her, and she tilts her head a little, exactly like Xiao Zhan tends to do sometimes.
“It’s not like that” the older woman grins. “But in this story, the bear forgot to stock enough food for the winter, so he makes a deal with the woodman: if he helps him build a nice house for his family before winter arrives, the woodman shall share some of his fishing and the meat he acquired with the bear. The bear said he was the strongest, most capacitated bear of all bears! So of course they both accepted, and set the deal.”
“But at the end of the season, the woodman pushed so many difficult tasks to the bear that, even with all his strength and capacity, he got exhausted from the full-time job. In the end, when winter arrived, the woodman family had his house, but the bear couldn’t stand to survive in the cold weather after such fatigue, and not even the food he got from the woodman prevented him from dying.”
Wang Yibo quit sipping the food for a minute, surprised at the story and partly confused about which inspiration Xiao Ning might’ve intended to arise. He complains, “But… that’s very depressing. Where’d you get that from?”
“What I mean to say, my dear son, is that you can’t believe you’re able to carry all the burdens of the world,” the older woman lays her hands in his hair, brushing some strands out of his forehead as if she wants to really see him.
Yibo feels so naked that he can’t stand looking her in the eyes, terrified of being seen; of being seen as someone he’s not, indulging in a life that doesn’t belong to him. After all, Xiao Ning doesn’t know the truth, she’s unaware of the fact the person she’s talking to isn’t her genuine son.
“I know that, I guess… to some extent.”
“I hope you do. Because if you declare that you can, others might believe so, and they’ll take advantage of you. They’ll exhaust you until the bones and they’ll leave when you’re done helping them with your incredible capacities,” she sighs. “If you know you have talent, cherish it in your heart, don’t let others take that for granted. You might want to share that talent with the world, and that’s okay, but please beware of those who’ll take that for granted. Be careful not to drain your merits by reaching the point of weariness. Sometimes you could feel so exhausted that the world lies empty around you.”
And how many times did Yibo felt empty in the middle of a dressing room, in the middle of an interview, in the middle of a photoshoot ━ the flashes blinding his eyes, the lack of sleep showing its signals through the dizziness, the blank stomach lowering his abilities over a stage?
He’s lost count. He’s lost count of how much he sacrificed for that dream, and he doesn’t know where the goal ended and the struggles began, he doesn’t know how that started exactly. He doesn’t know where the dream started and the nightmares took control of his life. Of course his career brought a bunch of external, glorious gifts into his existence, yet he can’t deny the countless damages it caused him too.
Wang Yibo bites his lips, agony stretching out inside him. In order to distract himself from the feeling, he gulps another spoon of the delicious spoon. And beside him, Xiao Ning wonders out loud, “What are we if not beings driven by our passions, hobbies and desires? We thrive in our competencies, but we should enjoy them beyond profit. Because, also, what are we if not humans? What are we without resting our bones, without standing in the sun and settling things down a bit? Do you get that?”
Yibo looks at the soup, looks at the woman; looks at the window, her eyes, the sunshine falling into the sink, the sound of a bird outside. He then sighs, staring at the soup again, thinking if he’ll be able to finish it all up, “Yeah, Ma. I think I get that.”
Xiao Ning smiles cautiously, dropping her hands from his hair. The response contents her so much that her eyes shine, and Yibo turns his own eyes down, in lack of what else to say. Perhaps even calling her “Ma” was already trespassing his limits, but the words sounded smooth coming out of his mouth ━ and that’s how the days go by, the sun slowly descending from the sky, both of them gossiping about Xiao Ning’s neighbor, who suddenly broke up with her husband, and her long cousin, who decided quitting medical school to pursue cinema, which everyone of his family found outrageous.
Soon enough, they were discussing like two close friends. Until a point Wang Yibo forgot where he was acting as Xiao Zhan and where he was being himself. And, when leaving some vegetables inside the fridge to take his bag and walk towards the door ━ he’s missing her already; heavens, where did he get himself into? ━, she places her hands in his chest delicately.
Xiao Ning’s eyes sparkle.
“You’re not my Xiao Zhan, are you?”
Yibo freezes.
For a second, he thinks he got that wrong. He’s definitely mistaken, since there’s no way his acting could be that bad, and there’s no way Xiao Zhan’s mother would have discovered that in such a nonchalant manner. He blinks twice, “I’m sorry?”
Xiao Ning hums, once again tilting her head in reflection.
“Hmn… my Xiao Zhan knew the story about the bear and the woodman from memorization alone. Sometimes I’m too much of an old woman retelling old knowledge.”
“I just forgot about that tale,” he smiles awkwardly, “but I like it very much.”
“We don’t tend to forget the things we like, we keep them with us instead. I’m merely saying, everything feels different when I’m close to you. I feel like what’s being kept inside here, in this body,” she places a finger in his chest, “it’s not my dear son.”
In the beginning, he called Xiao Zhan an ‘evil sorcerer’, and that name continues to be displayed on his phone. But it didn’t come to his mind that, instead, the sorcerer in the Xiao’s house might be Xiao Zhan’s mother. Well, every mother recognizes their son. Nonetheless, she wouldn’t report them to the government, right?!
Wang Yibo clears his throat. “Ma…”
The older woman looks as if she won’t buy any retort of his. Sighing, she puts on her shoes, “Don’t worry, I’m not angry that you haven’t told me. Neither I’m fearing for both your fates…” she caresses Yibo’s ━ he’s against the point of calling it Xiao Zhan’s face right now ━ and there isn’t an inch of despair in her expression. “I’m intrigued, really, that’s all. In the end, I’m glad to have found another son to care for.”
He wonders if she was born with some type of magic, or perhaps if anything of the sort happened to Xiao Ning herself. In her youth or with someone she knows. Furthermore, he wonders if she already knows how that’s gonna end ━ but Yibo’s holding such tenderness in his heart that he can’t formulate enough words to react back.
“I hope we’ll meet again,” the older woman smiles once again, a smile very much like her son’s own. The genetics indeed passed on beautifully. “Tell Xiao Zhan I’m anxious for the day he’ll change these ugly curtains.”
“Yes,” he huffs. “I’m anxious for that as well.”
As if the answer pleased her, Xiao Zhan’s mother smiles knowingly, and says goodbye. In less than one minute, she’s standing at the entrance, and in the next one, there’s nothing left in the apartment if not for the sweet smell of her perfume and Yibo’s loud heartbeats.
Lord, the Xiao’s family was indeed uncannily maddening.
Before he notices, two days pass by without any other message from Xiao Zhan. Which at first enrages him ━ how dare he not reply?! How dare he not send a cute reply when he messaged the man with a picture of Jianguo playing with an orange in the kitchen?! That was the cutest thing he’s ever seen, the older man better be laughing his ass off on the other side or he’ll kick his butt!
Wang Yibo finally comes back to the company when completing the project. The last online meeting with Su-laoshi lasted for almost two hours, he dozed off when no one seemed to notice him and only woke up to receive applause. That applause, of course, belonged to Xiao Zhan more than him; if it wasn’t for the older man, he’d be gifted with bad words instead of praises.
Regardless, he’s back to the company soon. And when he catches sight of Zhuocheng and Xuanlu, who rarely gives him time to himself, Yibo rushes to send another message to Xiao Zhan. No matter how busy he might be, the delay was starting to distress him.
Me:
zhan-ge? are you there?
your mother’s really cool, you know.
you got some of her genes, but you missed the ‘badass’ personality.
but keep on going, ge, maybe someday when you get older you’ll be like her…
He hits the send button, then hides the phone away to meet his colleagues. Xuan Lu lights up as soon as he catches his silhouette, and Zhuocheng quits looking at the screen of his laptop to greet him, “Good morning, sunshine. Left us for too long.”
“Good morning, Zhanzhan!”
Yibo sits on his desk, leaving his briefcase hanging on the chair. Before taking his tablet out, he salutes them in return, “Good morning, guys. Hope you’re both okay.”
Unaware that both Zhuocheng and Xuan Lu are determined on watching him set his things straight ━ pen in one side, pictures on the other and opening the art program with all carefulness in the world ━, Wang Yibo lets himself be drawn to the admirable design of a building in his file.
After all, it was Xiao Zhan’s work, and he’s always impressed at how much talent that man beholds, even if he’s projecting big establishments without any professional tool to help him. Day by day, he’s more amazed at the older man.
“Hmn…” Xuan Lu leans on his desk, ignoring the project to stare at his face instead. She’s got the same mystical expression as Xiao Ning, some kind of secret behind her irises that he’s not participating in. “Interesting. You look like you’re in a concentrated mood today.”
“What, you decided to overwork yourself again?” Zhuocheng questions, frowning. “Man, no one’s paying you more for all the struggle you put into your projects. I know you’re very meticulous, but they treat us like pigs at the end of the day and━”
“Zhuocheng, shut up! Different from us, he’s got more to worry about than gossiping about trivial matters. In fact, we are just as hardworking as he is.”
“If I was paid to gossip all day, I bet I’d be richer than Steve Jobs,” the other man articulates, seemingly certain of his declaration. “Design project for a Russian multi millionaire? Ha, so goddamn boring. But watching idols roasting the industry in an interview? Much more fun.”
It’s not a superfluous consideration, Yibo internally grins thinking how satisfactory it’d be to see someone defend themselves from the disturbing interviewers and even more disturbing questions. That’s something he’s always dreamed of doing so himself.
Xuan Lu leaves his desk, eyes downcast in what seems to be concern. “Not so fun when you imagine how much Wang Yibo will have to deal with from now on.”
At that moment, he stops working on the tablet. His heart makes a slight jump, and he can’t avoid widening his eyes for a minute ━ surely, he must’ve heard that wrong.
“I’m sorry, did you say Wang Yibo?”
Zhuocheng doesn’t seem to notice his concern.
“Yeah, that famous cool guy, actor and all.”
“Which interview are you talking about?”
During all of the years he’s worked in the idol industry, he might’ve given ambiguous responses, evading personal matters here and there, but scared of risking his career, he’s never outrightly roasted an interviewer in public. Which means that Xiao Zhan probably did it in his body, either from sheer discomfort or to ruin Yibo’s job out of nowhere.
Though he’s worried, he can’t imagine that last occurrence at all.
“What, you don’t follow him?” Zhuocheng raises his eyebrows. “Everyone follows him nowadays, dude, you should definitely be updated. You can see him in soda advertisements, brand endorsements, how can you not━”
“Zhanzhan,” Xuan Lu interrupts, “you really don’t watch the news, do you?”
Wang Yibo closes his tablet with one hand. No job affairs could pacify him at that moment. If Xiao Zhan did something to offend him, that’s definitely a betrayal to feel unease about, however, if Xiao Zhan ended up on bad terms with someone after being shamed over, he couldn’t blame the other man; sincerely, he could only feel sympathy for the guy.
And, at last, despair for the slandering he might be enduring.
“What news? What happened to him?”
“Nothing serious happened. He’s quite fine, in fact. After today, you’ll see his names in every social media you open ━ seriously, I admire his courage for spilling some facts about the idol industry and everything. He rocked with that answer.”
“Poor thing, though,” Xuan Lu sighs, bumping his shoulder with Zhuocheng. “Many people are probably hating him. Idols being confident? A lot of fans might be very annoyed, and the haters are having their reasons proved.”
“But he was being himself! I think he was very brave.”
Lost in that debacle, he’s torn between checking what happened through his cell phone or leaving the company altogether. If both his colleagues are reporting a subject they never discussed before ━ and that actually matters to him ━, he suspects he’s in no position to sit around acting like nothing’s going on.
Fortunately, Xuan Lu opens a space beside her, disclosing a channel in her computer screen so that Yibo could understand the case better. She says, “Come here, let me show you.”
Interested in the chaos, for sure he doesn’t refuse Xuan Lu’s space, and gets on his knees to have a clear view of the woman’s screen: she opens a tab in which a video’s beginning to play again. It’s fairly short, and the title calls everyone’s attention: “WANG YIBO BEING RUDE TO AN INTERVIEWER AFTER HIS ‘SHOONG’ DANCE COVER PERFORMANCE!”
Wang Yibo groans to himself. He was the one who chose that song, but it had such complex choreography! Why didn’t Song-jie give him a better one when realizing his amateurish moves? Good thing Xuan Lu doesn’t play the dancing part. Instead, they watch a small show begin, with a cheering audience pointing green lights up. Xiao Zhan, who wasn’t used to dancing that much and for such long minutes, was sweating when greeting the interviewer.
Yibo once again grunted upon realizing who exactly that interviewer was. The universe indeed shared no mercy with them. Of course, the villain of the time was Ye Kang. Inside the industry, he’s called “the shameless rascal”, a man who never shuts up about how a certain idol has been falling from success; he never loses an opportunity to be passive-aggressive towards others, pointing out their mistakes and coming up with stupid remarks.
Wang Yibo wonders why Song-laoshi even agreed to an interview with the man. Usually, he avoids every appointment where the man’s joining. He knows she doesn’t know that Xiao Zhan’s the one living inside his body, but, heavens, what a terrible situation for the older man to be in! Before he could cuss a bad word out loud, the video commences:
“Wang-laoshi, your singing was out of this world, truly wonderful!”
What a snake... he always begins with compliments, then disgraces us right in the next minute. Song-jie, how could you do this to me?! I told you I didn’t want to be in his show, ever! Now look where we’re getting at! Zhan-ge doesn’t know what’s coming for him….
Wang Yibo bows, a wide smile on his face. “Thank you very much.”
“But… from what I remember, your stage dance seemed very messy in the middle,” Ye Kang smiles, the cynical man. “You were lacking your usual steadiness and coolness. Some people might think you’re losing your ‘cool’ persona.”
Some people in the audience giggles, and the interviewer doesn’t lose a chance to smile wider, raising his eyebrow to Wang Yibo in the sequence. For him, that’s all part of the show, everything’s part of his big sadistic game.
Oh, God. Zhan-ge, I’m sorry you had to go through this. Of course you wouldn’t answer my messages, you’ve been too depressed by these remarks, haven’t you? From the usual stuff you had to deal with going to something you shouldn’t be listening to at all, you don’t deserve any of this…
Yibo doesn’t seem to mind. “These days, it’s been very hectic and that might’ve affected my dancing a little. Happens to a lot of idols in this chosen path… it’s hard keeping your energy when you have so many things to do at the same time.”
Kang-laoshi seems very annoyed when he perceives that Yibo wasn’t affected in the slightest. His job was to make idols tremble in humiliation, not to let them smile like Yibo’s doing right now, as natural as ever.
He pushes the complaints harder, “Wang-laoshi…” he lets out a dry laugh, “that doesn’t qualify as an excuse anymore, does it? Really, don’t you think you could’ve given us a better performance tonight? For all the people who came to see you today, won’t you even apologize?” he makes a gesture to the audience, which finally stands silent.
Wang Yibo tilts his head to one side, glancing at the fans.
“But I did my best today, that’s what I consider important.”
And it is the most important thing indeed, Zhan-ge. I’m so very glad you didn’t lose yourself in the madness this industry can be, I’m so glad you’re not twisted by their words… don’t worry about anything else. Continue being the wonderful man you are, I beg you…
The interviewer, seeing that he’s not getting what he wants, continues to try and condemn the idol. “Well, it’s not like you do something very hard, after all. We watched you grow from a young kid to a famous dancing king in mere years, but in the moment, I feel like you’re losing your crown…”
That does seem to shake Wang Yibo for a minute. Although no fan nods in agreement, he can sense those sharp words hitting him right in the chest. After a second of reflection, he turns around to Ye Kang beholding a sly smile and says, “I’ve been working hard ever since I know myself as human, you might’ve seen me grow famous but no one was in my skin while I was undergoing trainment. All these years, I’ve always dreamed of getting recognition for my hard work,” he glances at the audience, then back at the interviewer. “Day and night, night and day ━ did you know I deprived myself from sleep a lot just to get extra time to dance? Could you have withstood everything I went through? Because I made a name for myself, all alone. I speak two languages, I rap, I dance, I act…”
He seems tired as he says these words, and the camera focuses on how the hands holding the microphone are trembling. Yibo seems to be talking from the depth of his heart, such an eloquence that no one in the event can pry their eyes away from him.
He continues, “In short, I’m good at all the sports you suck at. And not because I’m trying to be better than anyone, but because I’m good. Because I like what I do. Because I try my best at whatever I do, even if my best, sometimes, is doing 20% of what I’m actually capable of. No matter what you guys say, I am proud of myself. I should be proud of myself, because I deserve respect as much as anybody else. Now, if you think my work’s easy, then please, feel free to step on stage and do better.”
A deep silence befalls the room.
At least, that’s how Wang Yibo feels. It seems that Xuan Lu keeps talking, cursing Ye Kang for his seventh generation for the man’s foolish remarks, and the other colleagues start wondering what exactly they’re focusing on doing instead of beginning to launch the special marketing design Su-laoshi requested the week before. Damn all of them, after all.
Everything be damned, because Wang Yibo cannot drive his eyes away from Xiao Zhan. From the guy wearing his body, his clothes, his personality, and who defended him ━ for others, he might’ve defended himself, but he’s sure that Xiao Zhan was defending Wang Yibo right there and then.
For a moment he’s unmovable, heart beating so soundly that it could match the rhythm of a rock band. Stroke by lightning, he’s feeling the energy flowing all around him, from toes to head, and rearranges his files inside the desk’s cabinet.
“Now I’m starting to see how that emoji of a lion suits him,” Zhuocheng whistles. “He has these sharp words, doesn’t he? Never thought I’d see an actual idol spilling out these facts during an event. What a━”
“Guys, excuse me,” Yibo interrupts. “I’m not feeling fine today, I’ll have to leave.”
He drops the laptop and briefcase into the chair, uncaring if anyone’s gonna take it. The only thing that matters now is that he wants to see Xiao Zhan, as fast as he can ━ to hug him, look into his eyes and… and, well, do whatever he feels like doing in the moment. His head’s a mess, yet he’s sure it’ll be much cleaner when he finds the other man.
He’s got a lot to find out, and he can’t stay there. The anxiety might eat him whole in case he stands, messages and calls are nothing compared to taking Xiao Zhan by the shoulders, bringing his face close to his, making the question which burns his throat.
Xuan Lu appears to be the only one confused when he’s leaving.
“Xiao Zhan? What’s going on?”
“Everything,” he replies, exasperated. “Everything’s going on.”
Xiao Zhan bumps his knees in drawer for the fifth time that fucking night ━ he was already freaking angry to sleep, but his manager had dropped him off there sulking, “You better behave tomorrow morning, or your career will descend from the heavens the same way it ascended.”
He always liked her attitude, the capacity she has for dealing with stuff like the one which happened three days ago: an interviewer called Ya Kang slandered his abilities in a national program, and Xiao Zhan, who saw the words as absurd, fought back with the guy. Well, he doesn’t consider that as a fight ━ people in the idol industry don’t fight. But surely the man would have received a better answer if it wasn’t for the terrible complaints.
Holy shit, he can’t remember that anymore. Sighing to prevent screaming out loud, he leaves the door open; there’s an open veranda at the front of the bedroom, a small garden that others have been nurturing day by day. The place they’re staying was located in the middle of a small, fancy village, which allowed Wang Yibo to enjoy more of his sports.
Right across his bed, lies a beautiful rose, in full bloom. Sometimes he forgets there are beauties hidden out there, but he’s pleased to be associated with the smell of jasmines and roses right now.
“Hmn… you’re such a delicate garden,” he says to the flowers, allowing himself to beam. “I’m impressed Yibo was the one who decided to plant them, or to choose a bed next to you, whatever way it might be. Delicate plants like you, having to stare at his face every day…”
“The flowers aren’t scary, they keep me company when I’m asleep.”
Looking above right when these words are mentioned, he spots Wang Yibo looking at him ━ watching him in Xiao Zhan’s smirking face, which never before he had the guts to express. He seemed content to merely watch as he drew himself away from the roses.
“Yibo?!” Xiao Zhan gets up immediately, hands brushing the wild strands of hair covering his sight. What a terrible ━ and odd ━ time for the other man to be visiting him. “What in the heavens are you doing here?!”
“I watched the interview. Then I took a plane.”
He didn’t conclude with: “So I had to come see you,” but Xiao Zhan understands everything he endeavors to speak very cleverly. So he brushes some invisible dust out of Wang Yibo’s sleeves, noticing that he has the same white blouse used for company days, “Did anyone see you? How did they let you in?”
Heavens, did he come there straight out of the company? Not that he could blame the guy for dropping everything behind, but the guilt consumes his mind for making the younger man worry. Even if his concern isn’t being exhibited as Wang Yibo smiles at him.
“Well, of course I know the door code. And I have your number in my phone, I just had to show it to the outside guards and say I was here because you asked for, you know, to redesign your room,” he looks around the space, just a lamp alight near the wardrobe, “and they simply let me in.”
“Perhaps you’ll have to reevaluate every staff you have under your care.”
“That’s a matter for after,” Yibo brushes the idea aside. There isn’t sorrow in his attitude, at least none that Xiao Zhan can detect, therefore he lets Yibo’s hands guide him towards the center of the room, where light from the corridor and light from green lamps show his face in all its glory. He’s reverent when pronouncing, “The good thing is that I finally got to see you ━ you don’t know how difficult it was to find a plane that’d go from Chongqing to Beijing in such a short time. But I stood there in the airport, waiting, and I just knew Song-jie would choose this house for you ━ for us ━ to hide from obsessive haters.”
They stand no chance against Wang Yibo, after all. Xiao Zhan huffs, knowing too well that he, also, stands no chance against the storm that Wang Yibo embodies.
“You know her for too long, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.”
He sighs, however doesn’t get away from Xiao Zhan’s figure, and hovers by the door for a minute like a ghost asking for permission to stay. Finding that strange, in full knowledge that the room belongs to Yibo after all, he steps closer as a hint for Yibo to approach.
“Zhan-ge,” he does step towards Xiao Zhan too. “About the interview━”
“Oh, please, no… look, I know my answer was very harsh, and I’m sorry for the problems that caused you ━ but if you saw everything, you know that interviewer was being an asshole,” Xiao Zhan tries desperately to explain the occurrence. “And, God, from everything you’ve been through, I had to show him━”
“Why did you defend me?”
Xiao Zhan stops, looking confused. “I’m sorry?”
“Zhan-ge. Why did you stand there and defend me?”
It’s comical how he stood there for days wondering what he’d say to Yibo when he encountered the man, and how to explain to him that he ruined his career. Alright, ruining isn’t exactly the right word ━ it’s been three days since he roasted Ya Kang and Song-laoshi, as well as the whole staff, have been working to not make that interview his last one. In no time, he shall get back on the run.
Especially because some fans truly adored that response. Xiao Zhan himself thinks that any other reason would be a disrespect to Yibo’s work, a stain upon his reputation. Of course he had to protect the man that he knows spent years working to be exactly where he is today; even if he does agree that during that performance he wasn’t giving all of himself, either from not being a dancer or from being tired, Xiao Zhan sees now this industry overwork their idols to the point of sickness.
And Wang Yibo works the hardest. So he deserves the better praises, instead of suffering from a national disgrace as that stupid interviewer tried to do.
“Yibo?” Xiao Zhan sighs, holding the sides of Yibo’s arms and deciding to be strong enough to look directly into the guy’s eyes. “Are you angry? I knew you should be, you have all the right in the world to be. And I swear I will━”
“I’m not angry. I’m very angry that they said those words directing at you ━ I know they didn’t know it was you, but even so!” Wang Yibo proclaims, eyebrows furrowing and biting his lips softly. He seems quite fierceful that way, and Xiao Zhan never noticed how anger colors his own face, it’s a great surprise. “They were reckless, and I won’t ever accept an invitation from that nest of snakes…. however, even with everything that happened, I’m very happy, Zhan-ge.”
He blinks twice, tilting his head. “You’re happy?”
“Yes, I am. I never had anyone to defend myself,” Yibo reaches closer, so close that his hands touch the hem of Xiao Zhan’s clothes. There’s no space between them right now, and he could lean over to kiss his lips in a swift movement. “I never had anyone like you. And I don’t know if ━ well, I know that if you ever leave me, I won’t stand. I can’t stand, Zhan-ge, I just want to be close to you so much that it’s making me ache.”
Look at that poor man. He flew across the state to find him. He flew across states just to stare at him in the middle of that room, to breathe next to him as he parts his lips slowly ━ the desire to hold Yibo closer rushes over Xiao Zhan, but his mind’s a complete mess, he doesn’t know what’s exactly wrong anymore.
What if he leans in and kisses him right now? What if things change after that in an irreversible manner? What if they both regret that moment, when Yibo’s back to being a famous idol and Xiao Zhan’s back to his humble life?
In fact, the younger man doesn’t even know what he discovered earlier in that supernatural occurrence, so he steps away as if bitten by a snake. Turning his head to the other side, he declares, “You can’t feel that way for me. And I can’t accept this.”
Yibo’s disappointment doesn’t prevent him from holding Xiao Zhan’s hand.
“Don’t you think it’s enough of hiding? Why are you saying this?”
“Yibo… do you know what event brought us together? Do you know how this body swap happened?” he gulps, finally deciding to let those thoughts out. It’s time to set things straight, to make the younger man see that none of this was supposed to be genuine. “Because of a damn crossed star, Yibo. A star that apparently gets ‘soulmates’ together. I read that in an article and I couldn’t take that out of my mind!”
The words roll out of his mouth in a sharp tone; nonetheless, the younger man pays no mind to his intensity. Even after receiving the news Xiao Zhan kept for that long, his expression continues to be indifferent to any argument, as if that elucidation was merely a kid’s tale.
Which, now that he’s said it out loud, does seem insane. But they’ve been through such an unbelievable experience that they can’t laugh in the face of the universe anymore. Surely Wang Yibo must understand, one time or another, that this must be thought through.
“You’re saying that a star made me feel this for you?” Yibo huffs fondly. “I don’t care about what brought us together anymore, Zhan-ge. I don’t even care about what’s gonna happen in the future. Right now… I just want you here, alright? So can you please look at me?”
“Yibo! What you feel for me ━ what we’re both feeling ━ it’s all just an illusion, okay? It’s all just a forged bond, our crossed paths aren’t even real, it’s all because of that damn star. That’s what’s messing with our feelings, there’s no other reason.”
This time, Yibo stops for an instant, unblinking.
“No other reason?”
“Yes,” Xiao Zhan gulps. “There’s no other reason.”
Although he finds the crossed star clarification rational, the words leave a sour taste in his mouth. And while it’s true that he imagined the younger man getting angry for the delay in telling what he knows about the situation, that specific smile stretching in the corner of Yibo’s eyes was something he could’ve never predicted.
“Zhan-ge,” he catches Xiao Zhan by the cheeks, eyes so focused that it seems to be staring off at the depth of his soul, a fiery gaze that nobody ever managed to demonstrate to him. “You silly, silly Zhan-ge. I’m telling you, I really don’t give a fuck about any star. Even if that’s truly what happened, I’m in your orbit already, there’s not going back. And you can’t tell me there’s no other reason beyond a crossed path, because this ━ this is more than any goddamn universal archetype. Don’t you see?"
In a second, Yibo’s lips hover above Xiao Zhan, who lacks the strength of mind or even the desire to push the guy over. In fact, he’s in a state of agony, despair and longing; his heart’s pounding so loudly that he’s certain the sound’s echoing through the room. In another second, Yibo drops his hands from Xiao Zhan’s face.
But before he could miss the feeling of his skin, the younger man smirks, taking a slow stride towards the bedroom’s door, exactly where the light’s located. Then, he glances at him once again, “Don’t worry. I’ll make you see.”
Suddenly, Yibo turns off the light.
Xiao Zhan can’t see much if not the silhouette crossing the room in long steps, until reaching him ━ they’ve got no time to lose, and Yibo appreciates taking that time to push the older man by his collar and pressing their lips together in a slow kiss. At first, he’s too stunned to react, but Xiao Zhan’s body moves by its own, enclosing Yibo’s waist, then locking their bodies together way harder.
The feel of his lips makes his insides flutter, twist in a burning desire. And what starts as a slow kiss evolves to a heater one; Yibo’s lips part open, and their tongues meet like waves crashing into one another, strong but smoothly. Xiao Zhan feels goosebumps all around his body when Yibo’s hands encounter the sensible spot in his neck, right beneath the final tiny curls of his hair.
When he deepens the kiss, Yibo moans into his mouth, the sound bringing a pleasure throughout his entire body; he wants to take every inch he’s being given, to savor every sweetness out of those sinful lips. How dare he push Xiao Zhan over the edge like that, how dare he drag Xiao Zhan’s whole soul into his orbit too? He wants to stay in that moment forever, but the younger man slowly quietens the haste, his breath mixing with his when they pull apart.
Thereupon, lightning strikes over the sky!
And as simple as that, the magic’s over.
That marks the end of their kiss, not that it stops Yibo from pecking his mouth, the tip of his nose and cheeks; at first, he smiles, yet that smile closes off when he looks up. Xiao Zhan realizes that the eyes, the face and the expression he’s looking at isn’t his anymore ━ instead, he’s gawking directly into Wang Yibo’s own body.
Noticing the widening of those dark eyes, Yibo follows his sight only to freeze when recognizing that body as the one he was born with. None of them speak for a minute, too shocked to pronounce anything.
But when the initial shock was gone, Yibo finally let out a wide, beautiful smile that Xiao Zhan’s heart hurt from even looking at it too closely. The younger man says, “Zhan-ge… we’re back.”
“Yibo, I━”
Before he could spill anything, the door’s opened with enraged hands. Song-laoshi comes running from the corridor, a warrior ready to strike a lion off her baby boy, and immediately sets a distance between them.
“Wang-laoshi! What’s happening here?! Get away from him immediately!” his manager pushes Xiao Zhan over to the other side, getting into the middle of them as if parting a fight; her face holding a terrified and furious expression at the same time.
Yibo catches her wrist, “Jie, that’s not what you’re thinking!”
Xiao Zhan decides that being silent was the best choice (not that he had the peace of mind to stutter anything in the moment, especially after having kissed Wang Yibo mere minutes ago), and lets her protect the younger man from his very existence, “DON’T YOU DARE TAKE ANOTHER STEP! I’LL CUT YOU IN HALF, I SWEAR!”
“Song-jie━”
“Who even are you?! As soon as A-Xue told me someone entered this space, I already called the guards, so you better don’t try anything! We’re calling the police!” she takes a phone out of her pocket, dialing some numbers while Yibo struggles to calm her nerves.
“I wasn’t trying to harm him…” Xiao Zhan mutters.
But she doesn’t listen to any of them and searches his body for any sign of scratches, “Wang-laoshi, are you okay? Did he do anything else to you? Did he threaten you? Should I call an ambulance as well?”
“No, no, no, there’s no need! It’s all fine, jie. Please calm down. We can━”
“How can you ask me to calm down when this━” she points at Xiao Zhan, “this bastard, was clearly harassing you?! Come with me, Yibo, the guards are reaching us and soon you’ll be safe! No other stalkers to worry about!”
Even if he knows he’s innocent, even if he knows Yibo’s trying his best to reduce the fractions of those consequences, pleading for his manager to put the phone down and quit the defensive mode, Xiao Zhan was aware that nothing could change what happened.
What’s done, it’s done. He can’t regret kissing Yibo, because that’s something that he couldn’t feel guilty about not even if he tried, but he wants to leave that situation as fast as he can. At least if he leaves, he’ll have time to think better, without any dizziness to confuse his thoughts and heart.
The only thing he could utter, as the guards catch his arms to take him out of the room (Yibo was at the point of tears now, claiming “Jie, please, don’t do this, I can explain!”, but the manager stood in his way regardless), was a genuine whisper, “I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t hurt him.”
Song Meifen turns to him with sheer outrage in her irises. No other manager would be so motherly, and he can discern much about that industry now. Xiao Zhan doesn’t know if he feels amazed by her courage, happy that Yibo had someone to protect him or scared of her intensity.
Either way, he trembles when she exclaims, “You already hurt him, can’t you see?!”
The words touch a profound part of his heart, a part that he hoped to conceal for a long time. While Yibo looked lost behind his manager’s short stature, Xiao Zhan let himself be dragged by the guards out of the room, his eyes slowly falling to the ground ━ the realization of his feelings’ misery tearing him apart.
Indeed, there was no place for anyone like him in Wang Yibo’s world, and though he knew that fact, it hurted now more than ever. It’s funny how your expectations grow bigger day by day, regardless of how much you try turning them down; he did try turning them down, but with Yibo’s lips moving against his, finding rationality was merely a faraway thought.
“Zhan-ge!”
The younger man does fight to make him stay, screaming with the guards and arguing with Song-laoshi, but Xiao Zhan drops the excuses to leave everything by himself. Even if everything he wanted was to set a distance between both him and Yibo, bit by bit they started building a pathway for their companionship that couldn’t be denied anymore.
They were just like a recently-bought mirror ━ and Xiao Zhan like the irony of calling their companionship a mirror out of all things ━, that it’s the first thing you rearrange in your house to make room for it. They made room for each other, they found a safe space for them to coexist, to be comfortable in each other’s world. And if one lives by themselves, they’ll feel less lonely if they’re seeing themselves through reflections, through shadows in the hall ━ they make each other less lonely, more homely.
But as mirrors are fragile and their relationship much so; it shatters slowly through each step Xiao Zhan takes towards the building’s exit doors.
Goodbye, Yibo. Knowing you was a pleasure. Meeting you might’ve been the most extraordinary thing that ever happened to me. I’ve always thought I’m not important… but maybe I am important now, because in some way or another, I know you.
I know you, and that can be enough. It’ll be enough.
Ignoring how his phone rings nonstop, he calls a taxi and enters the vehicle in a hurry, giving the driver his address. Back to his body, back to his house, back to his life, back to his cute cat. That’s what he wished for since the beginning, right? That’s what they fought for, certainly.
Then it shouldn’t be so terribly sad when the rain falls smoothly during that stormy day, how the weather fails to calm his nerves. In addition, he wasn’t supposed to feel so hollowed that the taxi driver looks back in the mirror, asking if he needs a handkerchief, and Xiao Zhan answers “no, thank you very much, sir,” with a strangled voice, and the rain continues falling outside, he can count the drops in the window with his fingertips if the traffic wasn’t so hurried; and Xiao Zhan avoids thinking, avoids the heart, avoids the fact that his favorite T-shirt, one that Yibo chose without knowing that it was one of his favorites, slowly turned wet after how many tears he let it fall in the soft fabric.
Me:
zhan-ge, please let’s talk.
please pick up my calls.
we have to discuss this.
evil sorcerer:
Yibo, I think it’s time for us to leave one another.
Please don’t reach out anymore.
I hope you have a good life.
Me:
shut up, nothing’s the same without you
zhan-ge, don’t fucking block me. you just can’t.
zhan-ge, don’t fucking do this. don’t you dare
[Messages to this number are unavailable.]
[You can’t contact this number. Line out of reach.]
[You can’t contact this number. Line out of reach.]
[You can’t contact this number. Line out of reach.]
The world he left isn’t the world Yibo comes back to. This new world he’s being dragged to exists attached to Xiao Zhan. There’s a new part for every Day Day Up episode in which Wang Yibo must act a part from a famous movie. Well, he’s almost judged himself to be a great actor, but he didn’t imagine that Xiao Zhan maintained that reputation so wonderfully well ━ the man’s full of talents, he smiles every time remembering this.
But he has to cease these smiles immediately. Because after that night, Yibo’s point of view changed completely. He flew across stairs, looking for the older man, asking receptionists and cameramen if they spotted Xiao Zhan ━ but the man was gone from his life during a raining day and using a common taxi.
Their uncommon circumstance ceased just that commonly, what a big mockery. Of course, he had to explain to Song-jie that the man in his room was actually a friend of his, which led to placing some lies on the table for her to calm down. Then, he said that Xiao Zhan was a friend he met during some private events, friend of other friends and a big designer in Chongqing; he elucidated to his manager that he was, in fact, very interested in pursuing Xiao Zhan, yet the man was likely running away from him because he’s a famous idol and everything…
Just crazy stunts that idols pull out. So, after all, Song-jie merely sighs, pressing her hand on her forehead, and says, “Yibo, please… please take some days off. Go to a spa, change your hair, distract yourself.”
And yeah, he did all of those, but no effect magically emerged. He left the spa and he was still the foolish man who switched bodies, a man who’s now possibly infatuated with the man he switched bodies with. Weird enough for a therapy session, but the company suppresses those.
From now and then, a couple of weeks have passed. Throughout these weeks of acting (people are praising him more recently, he’s noticed it), rapping (some of them are saying they prefer his singing voice now) and intensely staring at his polished house (Xiao Zhan organized his Minions figurines spotlessly, but he makes sure to take a purple-haired one to his bedroom, just to be close to something Xiao Zhan touched), he receives an invitation to get back on track with his bike and an idea pops into his head.
And as he’s getting all the equipment ready for his next trainment, he makes no effort to tell his manager, “I have a great idea, jie.”
“An idea?” Song Meifen seems uninterested, scrolling through her tablet with sharp eyes. “Am I involved in this great idea of yours?”
“Yes! This idea is all for you, you’ll be the main character in my dream to open a business career! With just some specific requirements, of course. I told you before and I’m prepared now, I’ve always wanted to open a little store to administer sports bikes’ needs.”
That, in fact, gets her attention quickly. She stares at him for some minutes, as if trying to place those words in some way that’d make a better sense, but Yibo’s unbothered by her lack of confidence in his geniality.
“Yibo, what you’re asking of me,” she slowly begins, “is insane.”
He wears the helmet first, then shrugs later.
“A lot of idols can do it.”
“But do you really want to add more substance to your schedule?”
What she means is: do you really want to add more of this energy to your routine? Do you really want to overwork yourself that much? Are you really prepared for the loads of paperwork to deal with?
And if knew more than she knows now, she’d possibly question further: are you really prepared for the consequences of pursuing Xiao Zhan? Do you understand that he might not even like you back? That everything might go wrong? Do you understand that even if he doesn’t like you back, you must continue with this big plan of yours?
But thank God she doesn’t know enough, otherwise Yibo would feel insecurity knocking inside him. He set his plans, he’ll work on them; it’s not just a ploy to catch Xiao Zhan’s attention, but it is also a big decision based on something he really wanted. After all, it’s been ages since he talked about opening this little store, and if it could help him now, why not initiate the preparations already?
“I’m willing to do it,” he nods. “I’ve got something in mind.”
Better yet, he’s got someone in mind. It’s just killing two birds with one stone: pursuing two things he likes (things that fucked-up industry would probably shout about, yet he’s unfazed by those darning rules) at the same time: pursuing Xiao Zhan and pursuing his dream of owning a shop for bikes.
Later that week, they go up to the last floor of the company, just to land the requisition in the name of Wang Yibo. Song Meifen, who is, above everything, a loyal manager, sits quite elegantly to deliver the papers with a smile. Yibo, in turn, finds no strength in himself to fake a good temperament.
The executive in question, Liu-laoshi, works under Du Hua. He’s sure that Du Hua won’t decline the requisition, but Liu-laoshi used to be considered “the dagger of Yuehua”. He’s sharp, meticulous and doesn’t bring any trouble to Du Hua; every polemic stops right there in his office, with no need to set such matters to his superior.
But these matters, these are bureaucratic projects that must be taken care of with every particle of the industry. Unfortunately for Yibo, he was being forced to sit there and watch while Liu Qingshan read every paragraph with disdain.
“Wang-laoshi, you know you must refrain yourself from coming up here to require permission for these pointless ideas. A motorcycle store brand for you, that’s what you’re asking this time around,” he comments after finishing evaluating every paper, shaking his head and sighing. “We already have many endorsements focused on your image, how shall we start a new place to share your exquisite tastes for the public? We would be diminishing the other endorsements and risking the reputation of this company. Besides, your store might as well be a failure! Did you reflect on all this before reaching out to me?”
Song Meifen tries to talk, seemingly concerned for Yibo’s reaction to the harsh words, but he interrupts her to respond, quite calmly, “It wouldn’t be just a requirement for a motorcycle small store brand. In fact, I want a big store. A store that can sell motorcycle tools, helmets, everything stylish according to what the costumer’s want. I believe you’re worried if it’ll affect my other jobs, and I assure you that it will not. I’ll continue to be the same, to do everything the same… I’m just asking for an extra thing in my schedule. And I don’t think it won’t sell anything, to be honest… I have, what, 40 million followers? Jie, don’t you think that’ll also be a fuel to my career?”
And finally he redirects the question to his manager, who clears her throat before replying to the executive, “Yes, Liu-laoshi,” she bows her head slightly, “I’m sure it’ll sell a lot of money.”
“Well, then. What’s your final response?”
Of course, it’s not a no. The requirements are sent to Du Hua before moonlight, who’ll for certain send an email allowing the bike store project to begin. Happy for the achievement, he goes home singing the lyrics that Xiao Zhan’s mother used to hum while cooking… he wants the sheer chilliness of that soup again, to be pampered, listened to and to feel loved one more time.
What he truly wants is to see Xiao Zhan once again. To look in his eyes, to check if the feelings stand the same, to see if he was just being overly attached to the guy or if he’s truly down for the man. Xiao Zhan will probably try to run, since he now sees it as his defense mechanism ━ better to be on the run than to feel any kind of embarrassment, ever.
Yibo laughs, but also dreads for which response he’ll receive.
He can’t go to his house, especially after calling so many times and receiving no answer at all. Especially after the lack of profile picture in Xiao Zhan’s phone registration indicating that he blocked Yibo’s number.
What a goddamn moron! God knows the hurtful complaints and rejection that’d come out of the older man’s mouth. He understands Xiao Zhan’s pride, his repressed emotions and that a reactive posture during situations that must be faced seriously tends to be his only answer after an argument. Believe him, he’s been in Xiao Zhan’s world for a good time.
“Ya… I don’t know if he’d slap me on something,” he pouts, murmuring to the Minion figurine beside his bed table. The hair of the figure was purple, which could distract spirits from his home, right? Yibo sighs, “I don’t even know what I’d say. I just want to look at him… I’m stressed that he won’t answer me, so I need to at least look at him.”
At night, Wang Yibo imagines a better life. He takes the phone again, for the hundredth time that day, and almost dials the number. He almost presses the bottom for a call, but stops himself at the last minute. So instead of calling, he takes some pizza, drinks a can of beer and thinks that it doesn’t matter… if that charmingly stupid man would tell him to go to hell, whatever. If he wants to say that, he’ll have to do it face to face.
And depending on how long it’ll take this new RACE485 brand store to begin hiring people and organize the opening event, they’ll see the employees along the first event, in less than 5 months. Until then, he wonders how the older man’s dealing with some mess he left: he wonders if Xiao Zhan even read the post-it notes he left through the kitchen.
Wang Yibo drops his head on the pillow, thinking about a time where he was in a house with a cat who loved being in his lap. At the end of the day, he sincerely does wish that Xiao Zhan would read the notes.
What a waste, what a waste it’d be if he didn’t… Yibo put a lot of care into writing them.
Jianguo doesn’t sit cozily on his lap like before; she seems to notice a difference, her eyes saddening every time Xiao Zhan gets home from work. It’s never been that way. While he still struggles to vanquish every sign of Yibo’s presence in the rooms, Jianguo traces these patterns back together. If the young man didn’t leave a scar, he sure as hell left him with a depressed cat.
The first thing he did when finally arriving at his house the night they switched back was to unstick every post-it from the living room, kitchen and hall. Yibo made sure to leave notes wherever and whenever suited him, yet reading those brought such a burdening sorrow to his heart that Xiao Zhan would wonder what exactly was his intention there.
In any case, reading them once was enough. Reading them twice was painful. Collecting them to form the journey Yibo endured until his feelings were made clear, setting the words out like puzzle pieces, brought tears to Xiao Zhan’s eyes.
Therefore, he dropped the notes inside a box and hid it in his storage room, somewhere he wouldn’t even think about. The box has been sitting over an old TV for one month now.
During this month, he’s been deflecting from every chance to talk to Yibo: ignoring his messages, calls and he’s even been avoiding to watch videos containing news about idols, in fear of finding his face in the middle. It reached a point where Yibo himself started calling him, and Xiao Zhan didn’t know if he felt sad or happy about that.
Yibo’s influence follows him to the company, where Xuan Lu and Zhuocheng immediately realize something’s wrong with his attitude. He sure missed those two, but they’re making it difficult to work normally as they keep staring at his soul from across the desk chair, sounding so intense that he wonders if he’s grown a second head during the 1 hour drive from his apartment to the company.
“Zhanzhan,” Xuan Lu calls, “are you alright?”
Xiao Zhan shifts in place, trying to focus more on the project he’s creating than on how his friends are concerned about something they shouldn’t.
Please don’t ask me that, he thinks, please don’t ask me something I don’t know how to answer properly. I don’t want to go back to this. I just want to forget everything that happened. I’m not okay, I’m not okay, I’m not━
“Yes, of course I’m okay,” he says, displaying a fake smile. “Why are you asking that?”
Zhuocheng frowns, “The other day you left so quickly, I thought you were constipated or something, your expression was all weird. I asked Li-jie if you had a home project to finish, but she said you had none.”
The company has always been flexible if they’re counting on every project occasion, often letting their designers work from home and take a few days break after some tough weeks of restless nights, energy drinks, stress and insomnia. Su-laoshi had a management plan that trails the thought: if you have an artistic mind, better be working away from others, otherwise external distractions might affect your work.
That’s something she said during a meeting that he agrees with. The more people around him while he’s designing, the more he’s anxious. That doesn’t exclude the fact that every designer also feel anxious at home, but if they drain themselves empty enough ━ which was something Xiao Zhan always did, and every employee knew about that fact ━, they were compensated by resting for a few days time.
Xiao Zhan frequently took breaks, and barely spent time chatting with others, growing friendships or socializing with colleagues. However, it seems that these last months Yibo has been quite the celebrity, nurturing relationships with every soul inside the department ━ be it by bad mouthing others, gossiping, rejecting women or simply chatting with employees who had the same weird tastes as him, like Qian Zihao, a short-statured man who was passionate about motorcycles and who strangely greeted him with a joke about racers as he left the elevator.
He soon observed that Yibo took dominance of his life in manners he’s yet to fully interpret. Exactly like the idol image he embodies, he danced through Xiao Zhan’s life and claimed the stage as his. Though he’s hollowed out by the consequences, he can’t avoid sighing fondly at the devotion of his performance. But as every other show, the curtains are closed, and the viewers are left to lead their lives with the remarkable memories alone.
“If it was anyone else, I’m sure they’d have fired you,” Xuan Lu utters, bringing him back to the real life, where there’s no stage with Yibo in it, and Xiao Zhan’s alone again ━ as it’s supposed to be. “But you’re the company’s sweetheart and Su-laoshi’s best designer, so lucky you. They’re never gonna fire you.”
Zhuocheng reflects about the words for a minute.
“To be honest, I don’t know if I would hate to be fired.”
“Don’t say that, it’ll attract negative energy!”
“I’m just saying!” Zhuocheng defends himself from Xuan Lu, who slaps him on the shoulder. “Yan Cheng started bitching around again and I’m tired of this. Zhanzhan, do you think you could boss him around again? Please, spill some facts to that asshole one more time, I swear that’d brighten my day ━ make it my birthday gift this year!
Xiao Zhan stares at them in confusion. “What?”
I’d never boss Yan Cheng around, I appreciate my life.
Does that mean… Yibo bossed Yang Cheng for me?
Zhuocheng ignores his confusion, retelling stories about other periods of time where he wasn’t in. Xiao Zhan feels a bit out of his own life, lost in the vagueness of his existence, and he can’t identify where melancholy begins and indifference ends. In short, Wang Yibo stormed through his life and changed his perspectives for good.
Later in the afternoon, he drops by some files in another department sensing eyes following his every moment; especially Yan Cheng’s, who seems determined to not hide the killing intention in his aura. It’s finally when night comes and they’re off work that Xiao Zhan can breathe in relief, say goodbye to his friend then come back to his house.
He’s defeated, hungry and uncertain. And it doesn’t help that Jianguo declines his food, as if depressed by the fact that Yibo’s not there any longer ━ the likings of a cat runs deeper than the skin, apparently ━, which Xiao Zhan can relate to. The day ends with him sitting on the living room floor, unable to turn on the TV, merely caressing the fur of Jianguo as she meows in disappointment.
“Jianguo… I don’t know what to do,” he mutters to his cat, the solitude of his apartment and that fucked-up universe. “I really don’t know what to do. And maybe it’s far too gone for me to fix anything.”
So what if he’s scared? So what if he’s repressing his tears all the time? So what if he’s too proud to admit that he doesn’t know how to not be alone, and that idea disturbs his sleep? None of that was supposed to last anyway. Nurturing feelings for someone who you’ve been through a supernatural experience with, isn’t that too weird?
Isn’t that something that happens in shitty movies, chaotic fictional stories? Why did that mess have to happen to him of all people? For sure he didn’t kill anyone in his last life, did he? This internal debate gives him a headache, so on nights like those, Xiao Zhan walks towards the storage room and opens the box he swore to never open again.
Then he carefully reads each and every one of Yibo’s post-it notes, engraving every word in his heart. He reads them out loud sometimes, or spread them through the floor, mixing the papers together and apart ━ together and apart, forever in that dilemma.
When he’s done settling the little puzzle, he places the notes back into the box, closes his eyes and swears, once again, to not open it again, even if he knows that he’ll certainly do it not so long afterwards. He knows he’ll continue to open the box, continue to reread Yibo’s emotions, and continue to long for the younger man to be there with him.
But that’s a secret for him, Jianguo and that fucked-up universe to keep.
“Zhan-ge, I’m leaving a note because you’ll be so confused by the mess in your fridge when we’re back to our bodies and I just want to say I’m sorry for ruining this for you, but I can’t follow your organization. When you read this, I know you’ll be mad anyway, but, well. At least I tried.”
“Zhan-ge, Jianguo’s at the kitchen with me right now, sitting on my lap. Maybe she’s starting to prefer me over you. Perhaps it’s a good idea for me to adopt a cat too. You know, you had a point when you said that an idol’s life is quite lonely.”
“Zhan-ge, I was thinking about that time when you held me. I really liked when we laid together on the bed that night. I wasn’t scared of ghosts at all. I’d really enjoy it if you scared off the ghosts during my sleep for the rest of my life.”
“Zhan-ge, you told me about wanting to be an astronaut when you were a kid. When I was a kid, I wanted to be the ruler of another planet. I just thought you should know.”
“Zhan-ge, your body is nice. Don’t worry, I am taking good care of it. And I don’t want to embarrass you either, but you have strong arms. That’s nice. You could hold me down so easily. I just think your body would look really good above mine.”
“Zhan-ge, I’m feeling guilty wondering if I’m a bad cat-pretend-owner. I’m sorry for letting her ill. Jianguo’s just so cute, I can’t refuse her some food. When she looks at me with those big pleading eyes, I would fight the world for her. But I’ll do better, I’ll be more rigorous in how I treat her from now on. So… wanna share parenthood?”
“Zhan-ge, I bought you some chips this time. I’m sorry for throwing them all out before. I really shouldn’t have. When we’re back to our bodies, I’ll buy you a thousand chips if you want, okay? I’ll buy you whatever you want.”
“Zhan-ge, I can’t sleep. Not even turning the light in the corridor brings me comfort. Not even shoving myself beneath all the blankets in this house helps me. Maybe what I truly need, is that you stay next to me.”
“Zhan-ge, I don’t want to lose you. When we’re back to our bodies, will you forget me? I will not forget you, you know. I think I might’ve grown used to your life too much. Don’t you think that’s dangerous for us both?”
“Zhan-ge, keep me in your life. Keep me hidden in your arms. Keep me close to you. I’d give just about anything for that.”
“Zhan-ge, I miss you. It’s difficult to sleep. I cooked today, but my food doesn’t compare to yours. You were right. I was lonely before you came into my life, and I’m scared to go back to how things were.”
“Zhan-ge, I miss you. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. I want to go see you…”
“Zhan-ge, if I hug you when we next see each other, would you restrain me? If I kiss you, would you push me away? Because I want to. I really want to kiss you. “
“Zhan-ge, I want to go back to our bodies as soon as possible. The smile I give with your face it’s not the same as yours. I’ve seen pictures of you together with others, you have a big shiny grin and I want to see you like that.”
“Zhan-ge, doesn’t matter what you say, I will bother you until you decide to keep me after this. As your friend, as your confidant, as your acquaintance. However you want, you can have me. I want to be with you for a long, long time, even as we grow old. I refuse to have this any other way otherwise.”
“Zhan-ge, I will not move on.”
“Zhan-ge, I cannot move on from you.”
It’s strange how, sometimes, you might avoid uttering a word about your feelings, but your mother shall always understand what you’re trying to convey. She understands your heart more than you understand it yourself; after all, you’ve been living within her for months before coming to life.
You’ve been eating what she’s been feeding, you’ve been growing because of how she motivates and cares for you. As you commit the worst of mistakes, she’ll pat your head and forgive you endlessly. When Xiao Zhan’s mother knocked on her door 2 days later, he let the tears out as soon as he spotted her face.
She smiles, and he sobs. “Ma…”
Xiao Ning takes her shoes off, then proceeds to embrace him tightly, placing his head on her shoulder, letting him release his concerns in the form of crying.
“Oh, now that’s definitely my son.”
He doesn’t even worry about the tears falling off, he doesn’t worry if he’s sounding childish, a clear difference from the big adult he wanted to show to his parents. And he did wish to show them how responsible he could be, but, well, look at how things turned. There’s nothing else to do if not to turn the stove on to prepare some tea for them.
That’s what Xiao Zhan does, and that’s how they distract themselves on that Saturday afternoon, with Jianguo sitting by the living room’s carpet and his mother next to him in the couch, sipping on her drink with a reflective expression as if she’s beholding every secret of the universe.
How’s she perceiving what’s happening? Has his mother been a hidden witch and he didn’t know about this entire time? In fairness, it’s better if they don’t touch this subject. If she’s really a witch, what are the chances of her erasing her memories? Do witches have a protocol of not harming their children?
Xiao Zhan sighs just after wondering, realizing how that absurd paranoid side came out from being exposed to Wang Yibo too much. Seriously, that guy means trouble rubbing off his attitude into Xiao Zhan, and he’s shocked it’s foolish how much he’s infatuated by that.
“I told him the story about the bear and the woodman, you know.”
He doesn’t need to ask who’s the “him” in this sentence.
Xiao Zhan sees the knowledge in her mother’s eyes. You can’t hide anything from the one who put you in this world after all, she knows you more than you know yourself; besides, Xiao Ning was known as a woman of no judgment. Permanently supportive of every decision of his, even if he told her that he wanted to drop his dreams in Chongqing to travel around the world with a flute and a donkey.
“Of course you did,” he sighs, and lets out a huff when realizing how that lesson does match with Yibo’s lifestyle. Perhaps he needed to hear that since the beginning of his career. “That’s very suitable. Thank you, mom.”
“Dear… you genuinely need to quit giving voice to your insecurities.”
“Humh?”
Xiao Zhan’s mother sets the teacup on the table, then holds both his hands.
“You’ve always been this quiet boy, who avoids spending time socializing… you were so in touch with nature once, so passionate about enjoying these small moments in your childhood, but I don’t know when you begin internalizing your feelings that way,” the way she strokes his head almost makes him cry in its own way. “Sometimes I wonder if it was my doing, or perhaps your father’s, but how could I know if you don’t tell me? How could I know if it’s something internal in that mind of yours or my fault?”
He holds her right hand then, unable to accept the fact that her mother blamed herself for his own issues. Xiao Zhan perhaps did become an adult too quickly, but his parents had no influence on how his mind worked.
“You were both great parents, I couldn’t ask for better ones.”
“I’m sorry that you had to grow up like this,” she continues nonetheless. “I’m sorry, because I could’ve done better, talked to you more, anything… you know, your insecurities are not the entirety of you, and it’s fine to feel the things you feel, no matter how appalling they seem to you… life’s a series of terrifying circumstances if you look harder into it, but still we keep on living, right?”
The weight of her words cause a pressure to his chest, like some soul-touching that could only happen between a mother and a child. Xiao Zhan doesn’t know how exactly to reply, yet it seems that she understands every unspoken word inside him.
“Ma, sometimes you’re so mysterious. You know this has nothing to do with how you guys raised me, I always loved being under your care,” he tries reassuring her, because it’s true, and he’s further grasping the extent of his failure to communicate what’s needed. “None of this has to do with you, it’s just me who keeps breaking things up, making everything wrong.”
Xiao Ning looks at him exactly as she looked at him when he was just an innocent kid playing around the garden, talking about conquering the world and changing every injustice. She looks at him as though he’s still a young man, learning about the adventures of living in that big blue world.
“Xiao Zhan-ya, you don’t need anyone to be explaining things to you anymore, do you? Do you really need someone to reassure you of what you already know? My boy, you’re sabotaging yourself. You’re destroying something so beautiful and making up excuses to act like that,” Xiao Ning tilts her head, eyes fond and sad at the same time. “You don’t have and don’t want to be alone, but you’re scared of experiencing not being alone. You love and you don’t want to love, but you’re making your heart cry out. You want to fix things and you don’t know where to begin, but you’re naming your actions as irreversible. Do you notice the pattern?”
This time, he chooses to not reply. Not even trying to guess the correct words in this situation shall help on anything after all: a mother always knows best (especially if they’re under suspicion of being a witch). Xiao Zhan stares at her, and she stares back, then smiles in comprehension of his lack of comment.
“You can’t ask me how to change that. You already know how to.”
He inhales softly, breathing in the world around him. Breathing in the love, the patience, the longing and the hurt. Breathing in what the universe means to him, the amazement it brought and what it took from him too.
But it didn’t actually take it from him, did it?
Xiao Zhan exhales, then gets up to make more tea.
Xiao Zhan’s mother might have the potential to be a witch. She certainly qualifies for the job, and he recognizes that fact when a door was opened to him just three days after their talk in the apartment ━ both metaphorically and literally.
On Tuesday, he’s surprised to be called to Su-laoshi’s office very early in the day. So early that he didn’t even get his coffee to keep himself awake for a meeting with the marketing team for the project for an Italian restaurant. Important job, but one that seemed irrelevant as he entered his superior’s space and noticed the frown she had.
God, did he do something wrong? Well, he’s done a lot of wrong, but probably none inside the company, right? Was it because Yibo defended him from Yan Cheng, or perhaps she’s been bothered by his job lately?
Anxious for any reaction of her boss, he sits in the chair, trying his best not to move his legs around too much; a thing he does frequently under stress. Su-laoshi complained, once, that it distracted her from reaching the point she needed.
Right now, she seems unfazed by his anxiety symptoms and merely raises her eyebrows.
“What have you been doing, Xiao Zhan?”
He tilts his head, taking some time to process the inquiry, which slightly sounds like an accusation, but he’s not not gonna complain.
“Me? I’m sorry, I don’t know… what you mean with that question.”
Su-laoshi sighs, exasperated. “You’ve been quite required lately, for a lot of projects coming from Beijing. Not only are famous businessmen interested in your work, I have a top-priority requirement from a great agency. Have you been wandering around the streets of the capital lately and I didn’t know about it?”
“I’m sure there has been a misunderstanding━”
“I have a decision for you to make,” she interrupts him, clearly impatient while looking down at some papers on her desk. “We do have an affiliation in Beijing, so it wouldn’t be difficult for me to transfer you, but since there are a lot of requirements for your person specifically ,” she makes sure to emphasize the word, and Xiao Zhan gets even more confused, “I guess you’ll be quite busy the next few months. And let’s agree that paying for hotel nights sounds not only ridiculous, but very expensive… I don’t think my associates would like for you to stay in hotels.”
He’s always known how she’s quick on her feet, always being straightforward in her work instead of being indirectly rude or passive-aggressive. That’s a trait of her personality that he deeply admires; nonetheless, right now it’s making him a bit dizzy, too much information at the same time.
Xiao Zhan thinks about that back and forth, slowly comprehending the importance of that moment in her career and personal life. If he’s understanding it correctly, new people in Beijing are focusing on his job, and that might demand him to leave Chongqing.
The surprise that comes to him is that, as he starts accepting the information, a wave of calmness spreads through his heart. He doesn’t feel anxious anymore, instead it only lies astonishment in himself; it’s not only a perfect opportunity to fix things up, but to make a name for himself.
Meanwhile, Su-laoshi drinks a bit of water before continuing, “I’ll have your back if you decide to decline these opportunities. But if you tell me that you accept these projects, you’d have to be willing to move to Beijing, at least for some time. They strangely want you there in person…”
“I… see.”
“Do you, really?”
She seems very suspicious of that request in particular, and he can’t blame her. After all, if they requested his services so suddenly and in such an amount for him to have to switch provinces, Xiao Zhan guessed it can only be the work of one person. A person who probably didn’t give up on calling his attention, on searching for him; and holy shit , how he’s glad for that.
“I know that’s difficult to ask of you and so sudden, but it’s the only way we can make up for the amount of time you’ll spend with these designs… your stay doesn’t need to be forever, of course. We can help you with half the pension for a place to stay, and you’ll keep your health insurance, transportation and card benefits.”
Su-laoshi checks the papers again, frowning every turn of a page. Xiao Zhan’s hungry to read every part of that contract, every small detail of this life-changing upturn. However, he can wait for now, until he declares his decision and hears all of his boss’ inquiries.
“Seriously, how did that happen? Have you been contacting important people under my watch? I’m very curious, yet I don’t know if I want to know the answer…” then, she whispers to herself, “and a company this big, even…”
“Laoshi, if it’s not an inconvenience,” he begins, cleaning his throat and lowering his head in a show of respect, “can I know which top-priority company requested my services?”
“Yuehua. To be more definitive, Wang Yibo’s team.”
Although he was already expecting that answer, his heart pounds when listening Yibo’s name coming out of another person’s mouth. It makes everything sound more real, to be honest, like if he’s not reassured that the younger man exists, the events they went through together might’ve all been a dream.
And he doesn’t wish any of that to be a dream. Even if it was despairing for some time, he wishes it all to be real, and he can’t begin to name how relieved he is that Yibo’s still there, still waiting, still in the desire for a clear talk. A talk that can’t happened through text or post-it notes ━ it has to be face to face, the face he wore for some time and that haunts him through the house, through afterimages of themselves.
Su-laoshi receives his silence as a sign that he doesn’t know who the younger man is.
“I guess you haven’t been aware of the idol world lately, but he’s quite the thing with the younger people. Dancer, singer, and all that,” she makes a brushing gesture with her hand, uncaring of the significance Yibo has to him. “Now he wants to launch a department store for motorcyclists, and wants our help ━ as his manager pointed out, your help ━ to build the design. She said he discovered your work through social media, but I know well you barely keep your Instagram updated, so do note I’m quite curious to know how you did it.”
Just as he kept the silence between him and his mother, the age gap, experience and wiseness too big of a difference to know how to respond, Xiao Zhan prefers to maintain the tranquility of mind at the moment.
“But it doesn’t matter. I won’t pry into your personal life. What I can pry into, is your professional life,” she leans in, speaking every word with care. “Because, whether you want it or not, you’re still under my management and we can all agree that we’re getting a bit shot here.”
The silence can show what’s needed, and communication might work just the same. Day after day, he’ll learn how to deal with it. Su-laoshi slides the papers towards the front of the desk, right in front of Xiao Zhan’s eyes, where he can observe the title: “RACE485 VIP NEW BRAND COMPANY CONTRACT” and the name alone makes him smile, thinking about how on heavens nobody with enough consciousness told Yibo about he could’ve come up with better names. Yet, for a beginner, it’s manageable; they’ll work on that.
“Xiao Zhan,” Su-laoshi calls his attention again. “That’s an opportunity for a lifetime. I hope you know that. It’ll suck to explain to the other executives if you refuse, but as your friend and fellow professional, I’ll understand if you see that’ll overwork you.”
She looks worried, her serious and closed-off expression almost threatening. He knows quite well that Su-laoshi was always a softie at heart beneath that posture, yet when it comes to matters of the company, she works hard to make a good impression. Xiao Zhan takes the papers, shifts in place, notices how it’s her legs that are restless instead of his.
“Jesus, can you please not leave me hanging?”
“Alright.”
“Huh?”
You can’t ask the universe how to change things.
You already know how to. You just have to step forward.
“Alright, I’m going,” Xiao Zhan nods. “I’m accepting their request.”
It’s about time to take that step forward, after all.
Packing things up for a move out proves to be stressful. After so long living in Chongqing ━ over three decades now, staying in the same place ━, he never owned many suitcases, and during the company trips he was used to taking a hand baggage. But now Xiao Zhan was taking three big suitcases with him, apart from Jianguo’s crate.
The flight departure happened one week after the meeting with Su-laoshi and the necessary contract signatures, not too far away to be anxious and not too close for him to forget batching his belongings with care; in fact, he decides not to take a lot from the house.
He financed the apartment during two years time, and that ownership shall continue for when he wants to come back for visits, thereby he leaves some old clothes, the same decoration items and a junk of other adornments he bought through the years.
It’s gonna be a journey from now, so he makes sure to warn his parents during an one-hour call that ended up being so natural that he fears his mother’s dubious powers might’ve set her intuition already. Though his father does cry a little in the line ━ he’s always been the emotional one in the family ━, Xiao Ning maintains her voice harmonious and perhaps even content. To reassure them, he sends a message right after the call:
Me:
I’m sorry to leave so suddenly, I really wanted to say farewell in a better way…
But in any case, I’ll come back to visit a lot, you’ll barely notice my absence.
I’m really doing it, Ma. Thank you for giving me that motivation.
Ma:
I am very proud of you, dear.
Your father and I are always cheering for your best.
And bring us food from Beijing when you’re back! I’ve heard it’s delicious…
The hardest part of leaving, perhaps, was dealing with the chaos in the airport from your friends. Xuan Lu reached the gates earlier, and Zhuocheng was following in her footsteps like a child being dragged through the supermarket by his mother; he seemed incomprehensive of the woman’s crying reaction to Xiao Zhan dropping off his luggage.
Before they could’ve taken Jianguo’s crates, she pets the cat softly, and proceeds to hug him so hard that he almost loses his breath. Smiling in indulgence, he hugs her back.
“Zhanzhan! Do you swear you won’t forget us? Do you swear to at least visit us on holidays, to be on every birthday party, to listen to every office gossip, even if you’re not there to know the names of the new employees━”
“Lord, who’s gonna put Yan Cheng in his place now?” Zhuocheng interrupts her, frowning as he also starts thinking about the consequences of Xiao Zhan’s absence. “And who are we gonna annoy every day? We’re gonna die of boredom.”
“Zhuocheng, shut up. We can deal with Yan Cheng and our boredom later,” Xuan Lu cleans the tears from her face, letting her disappointed expression on display. “Don’t you see we must focus on instructing him on our priorities first?”
“What, gossiping is your priority then?”
The hands of a woman seem to be quite hard, and Xiao Zhan doesn’t understand why Zhuocheng seems very keen on irritating Xuan Lu just to get slaps every now and then. When she finishes leaving marks in the other man’s arm, she turns back around to Xiao Zhan, and he holds her hands carefully.
“I swear, Lu-jie,” he smiles, “I’ll still be here when you need me.”
His friend from years (ever since college, yet remembering the long time of their friendship would certainly make him cry too, so it’s better if puts that thought aside) fixes his coat, brushing some dust out of the lapel.
“That better be right.”
Zhuocheng, on the other hand, doesn’t hug him at first. Instead, he merely extends his hand, pretending to be a strong individual, “Good luck, man.”
Huffing, Xiao Zhan shakes his hand for a few seconds.
“Thank you, A-Cheng.”
The strong guy can’t withstand the handshaking for not even one minute, then brings Xiao Zhan closer to hug him brotherly. If he’s seeing things right, his eyes are a bit red, as if holding off some tears ━ but Zhuocheng was proud, and wouldn’t dare to be as straightforward about his emotional side as Xuanlu. Thereby, he says a silent farewell, wrapped up in the form of a hug.
And that’s how they say goodbye to each other for the first time.
They’ve been in each other’s life for long enough to share goodbyes after the work hours, drunk nights and binge watching, but it’s that goodbye was a first. At least until he comes by to visit, it’ll be stretching months of messages or perhaps video calls, which he’ll surely save time for.
Xuan Lu and Zhuocheng disappear into the crowd of people inside the airport, leaving Xiao Zhan with his cat waiting for the plane that’ll take him to his craving destination. The flight of a lifetime, the moment for which his days have been a savoring for.
“Jianguo… it’s time for us to go see your beloved Yibo, right? You’ve been missing him so much, I’ll finally be doing what you desire,” he pats her head and Jianguo meows at him, that sweet intelligent creature. “Will you abandon me for me when you get there? Huh? Girl, I get it if you’re also charmed by Yibo, but will you keep a place in your heart for me?”
He was her first dad after all, no matter how long the younger man was in his shoes, he couldn’t have robbed Jianguo’s devotion to himself, right? Xiao Zhan watches as they take Jianguo away from him, blinking in consideration. Yibo has been nothing but a bright pet owner, so there was indeed a chance of him earning the kitten’s trust.
In fact, he can’t judge for her switch of devotions. If he was in her spot, he’d truly be enchanted by the man’s personality; as a human man, it was already quite difficult to not fall for him, so how could she blame the poor felines for coming by the same endeavor?
You are not the only one who misses him, Jianguo.
I’ve done nothing but miss him too.
To say the last four months have been challenging to endure was quite an euphemism, and Yibo spent his days eager for the big event that’ll launch his brand, not particularly because of the significance of his new business, but because every hired employer until the moment should be engaging in the party. Which meant that their chosen designer shall be present.
Which further meant that he’ll see Xiao Zhan in person again. Face to face, soul to soul, the person who they really are. Which also meant that they could talk about what happened in a less chaotic way, if he gets a little more brave and let the melancholy wash away ━ when he first received the news that Xiao Zhan signed the contract, he closed the door to his apartment and let himself dance around the living room.
It was silly on his part, yet it gave him some kind of hope. Yibo doesn’t know how he’ll feel once he sees Xiao Zhan again, he’s still unsure if those feelings shall remain open, if the sentiment will be rejected, still unsure if he’ll be able to say everything he wants without crying in agony.
Since he’s been spending those last days in only agony, what else could he mention? Though he knows that he should be rational enough to feel resentment towards the man who ghosted him for that long, he can’t help but be filled with longing one more time.
And that’s clear even to his manager, who, during an afternoon of resettling schedules, stopped for a minute over Xiao Zhan’s picture in his documentation. Then, she said, “He’s been around before, hasn’t he? Before the night I catched you?”
Yibo avoided looking at her eyes. She must be remembering the days where he came by to learn Xiao Zhan how to dance using his face. Well, her raised eyebrows won’t convince him to spill those secrets out loud.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He did explain to her, after that dreadful night they switched back, that Xiao Zhan was a distant friend of a friend he met online, and that he occasionally met with. Strange how he didn’t need to utter a word about his feelings for the designer, but nonetheless Song-jie sighed, sitting in the chair looking exhausted.
Of course he received a scolding over being an idol and idols can’t afford to have partners while they’re famous, all that shit he’s heard a lot during his teenage years. Of course they tried convincing him of requesting another designer for the job in RACE485, and of course Yibo, with his sheer persistence, refused it any other way.
After the scolding, Song-jie couldn’t pronounce another argument, and settled for the fact that they’d have to reach Yibo’s own terms; if they wanted him to cooperate, they’d have to accept his decision, and just work hard to keep that details of his life away from the public eye. He remembers his manager asking, “You won’t give up on that guy, will you?”
At the time, he answered nothing. How could he?
He’s Wang Yibo, everyone knows he’s not one to just give up.
Granted, finally the day has come. The place he’s bought for the motorcycle department was downtown, around the same area Yuehua contemplated their headquarters; Du Hua acquired a small part of a building at first, a quiet location with three wide floors in a 90s bop style, the third floor covered in sports posters and having a fantastic roof from where you could see part of the neighborhood and the stars if the sky was well suited.
Perhaps it was 80% due to the view that Yibo chose the site. The first-floor arrangement could be given credit to Yuehua’s own design team, supporting the project through its clear signs of a work in progress. From what he’s been discussing with the architect, there’ll be a financial department downstairs, the salespeople will have a counter in the center and the design team shall have the entire second-floor to themselves.
They’re yet to hire more people to work on it, seeing that such a brand name shall maintain at least 4 designers at hand ━ if he’s taking Yuehua’s opinion into consideration. But, well, he’d leave Xiao Zhan to deal with it. At least they agreed on Yibo’s preference to transform the older man into the design’s team leader, even with some reluctance.
All in all, the agency wanted the big event to be in the same month some company associates would be in the city, therefore they rushed with the preparations. Therefore, here they are. While the night of the event began, excited executives walked elegantly around the shop, evaluating every corner of Yibo’s small business.
For now, he’s roaming throughout the party, talking to some associates, however, passing his eyes over the sides, attentive by any given chance that he might see a face he recognizes. He spends over two hours in boredom, silently listening to the boring discussions of an older businessman, until an assistant excuses her presence, then drags him to the side, a tablet in hand to show him a part of his morning schedule that had just changed.
If it was any other moment, he’d be uninterested in her talking, but he internally thanks the woman as, when they’re turning towards the left side, he notices a pair of long legs climbing up the stairs to the next floor. Following the sights of the legs, he catches sight of a thin waist, tan skin and black hair that traces the line of such an alluring neck.
Even if he’s on his back, Yibo could distinguish that figure alone. No one’s gathering on the second floor, but he’s quite sure that, according to Xiao Zhan’s likings, he’ll be heading towards the third floor to observe the night sky. His heart skips a beat, then pounds so heavily that he gets almost out of breath, but the assistant on his side seems quite fond of talking nonstop.
“Your schedule’s been quite uptight recently, but you can’t forget about the Bazaar photoshoot with the cast from your new show. The director wants you to mention a brand of theirs in exchange, by the way. So after the interview━”
“Hmn… I’m sorry, but I just remembered I have to settle some important things before this,” Yibo rubs his neck, walking backwards to set the distance between them. “I’ll catch up with you after, okay? Yeah, okay. Cool. See ya!”
“Wang-laoshi, we have to━”
He doesn’t know the rest of it, because he’s too busy shoving people aside, then climbing up the stairs towards the last floor, following the trace of Xiao Zhan’s perfume. The night’s only worthy if he gets enough time to talk things out loud, to solve everything they ought to have solved months ago, when they switched back ━ now it seemed that the older man was expecting him, right up on the third floor, contemplating the sky as he let Yibo contemplate the figure of his back.
In that moment, as he catches sight of Xiao Zhan’s back, the beauty of his figure dressed in formal clothes, a black and white attire coloring his body perfectly, Yibo’s unable to let out any words. And it’s not even because he’s a bit out of breath after having climbed those stairs, but also because, when the older man turns around, staring off at him after so long, he imagines a pleasant world in which they could live together, in which they could be happy together if they agree on holding each other.
Who’ll be cuddling Jianguo when Xiao Zhan was busy working on a difficult design? Who’ll be taking care of his health, preventing him from filling the grocery cart with noodles and chips only? Who’ll be reminding him to eat proper vegetables, drink enough water, take a rest whenever he’s worked too hard, and sleep a good amount of sleep at night? Who’ll be beside him on the couch, when his friends come to hang out? Who’ll be holding his hand beneath a table, when his mother brings the family for a visit?
Yibo wants to be that person. He wants to work hard to be someone who’ll be beside Xiao Zhan, and who Xiao Zhan would want to have beside him as well. He wants to have the privilege of all those details of a simple, pleasant common life.
Once in his youth, his dream was to be a great idol who performed perfectly well on stage, understanding dance movements more than anyone else in the world. Right now, all he wants is to be someone deserving of Xiao Zhan.
Someone deserving of Xiao Zhan’s love and trust. Someone who has a full home to come back to, a home composed of an old grumpy man with workaholic issues and an adorable little cat who judges him from a corner.
Oh, he’d give his everything to be that someone.
In lack of anything to say, any excuse to make for himself, Yibo gulps down his feelings. It’s an immense delight to look at Xiao Zhan like this, his face illuminated by the moonlight, but he’s starting to feel insecure about everything.
“Hi,” he manages to whisper.
The older man gets one step closer, eyes always a mystery.
“Hello, Yibo.”
Is he seeing desire in Xiao Zhan’s irises, or was he imagining things again? Was he getting it all misinterpreted? Was he being so deluded right now that he couldn’t perceive if the older man was actually annoyed at his stubbornness or indulging his longing? Either way, Yibo clears his throat, recomposing himself.
“So… I’ve heard someone hired you in a big company.”
“Yeah,” Xiao Zhan grins. “Weird, don’t you think?”
The smile in Xiao Zhan’s face has been exactly as he imagined, exactly as in the pictures and as in his dreams. However, just as he shows that amused side, Yibo starts having a weird feeling in his stomach, a kind of fear, as if he’s getting ready to go on track and imagines the motorcycle falling as he falls over, breaking every limb of his.
It’s factual to say that he’s freaking out a bit. That whole scenery ━ the night sky full of stars, the shiny eyes of Xiao Zhan, the way he’s stepping closer and closer ━ overwhelms him enough to take a step back. Something that he certainly didn’t imagine himself doing during all those months of longing for the man in front of him.
“I really thought I’d never see you again. And damn, that scared me so much, Zhan-ge, you have no idea. I don’t even know what else to tell you right now… I imagined this moment for so long, and still I don’t know what to do.”
“I’ve been imagining this moment for a long time too,” Xiao Zhan whispers the words, and the fondness in his voice causes Yibo to step even closer.
“Have you, really?” he huffs, almost a bit sardonically. “Well, you gave me such a fright these past months, if I was someone more resentful I’d be cursing you right now.”
That’s what a reasonable man should do, at least. Yibo has never been reasonable, but he’s been thoughtful lately, never able to express his feelings out loud. These feelings are swallowing him whole in the moment, catching up to the months they’ve been apart.
“Yibo… I had to take my time to set things right. But here we are again, you and I,” the more Xiao Zhan steps closer, the more his heart pounds, so loudly that it’s almost the only thing he can hear. “Are you that mad at me?”
With those words, every bravery in Yibo’s body vanishes. His mind goes blank staring at Xiao Zhan’s eyes, the importance of that occasion turning him into a trembling, scared feline in a jungle, hesitant to reach out to others.
Starting to think that perhaps he’s been too forceful by making the older man move to Beijing, chasing out someone who’s been avoiding him ever since the moment they’ve switched, nervousness causes him to step back. These last months, perhaps they’ve been good for Xiao Zhan, perhaps he hasn’t been as depressed as he was.
Letting out that shred of hope, Yibo decides that he can’t deal with that anymore, otherwise he’ll explose into a tsunami of emotions; he’s feeling defeated and little, insignificant beneath the vastness of that uncanny universe.
Perhaps he should’ve let things go a long time ago.
“No,” he answers with much, much difficulty. One step back and one step forward, they’re dancing into a game of initiatives. “No, I’m not. Now if you excuse me, I have to check things up with… someone.”
He makes the move to leave, to go back to how things were. No matter how lonely, it was more comfortable when he could nominate his feelings clearly, when he could live without that amount of burden into his chest. However, just as he turns around, Xiao Zhan catches his wrists, locking him up beside him, preventing him from running away.
Zhan-ge, you’re not helping me here, Yibo thinks. You ran away from me for so long, don’t you think it’s fair for me to back down right now? I don’t think I can properly talk to you at this moment, can’t you understand? I’m afraid that if I start talking, I might never finish.
“Yibo. Please don’t go. Look at me.”
How can he look at that man? How can he look at Xiao Zhan, the entirety of his figure, and not want him all for himself? How can he look at Xiao Zhan and not think about how much love that man embodies? How can he look at him and ignore the desire knocking at his heart? Can’t he see this in his eyes?
“I can’t.”
“What?”
“I can’t look at you.”
Yibo doesn’t even know if Xiao Zhan read his ridiculous notes, if he even thought about him as they’ve been apart from each other. He doesn’t even know if he’s imagining things between them or if they’re sincerely real.
“Why?” the older man sighs. “If you’re mad at me, I need to know it.”
If Xiao Zhan’s giving him the breach to indeed talk about what they’re feeling, then he’s gonna take the opportunity for granted. In the heat of the moment, Yibo grabs the older man’s forearm, the one that’s holding him down, then raises his chin to face him eye to eye, heart to heart and soul to soul.
“You know what? Yeah, I’m mad at you!” he confesses, desperate to talk while he’s being given the instance to do so. “I’m fucking pissed at you! I’m pissed because you were my whole damn world and you ignored me for weeks after we finally switched back, but most terrible of all I’m pissed because I fucking miss you, and not only miss your voice or your life or being you, but because I miss talking to you! I miss you because you made me laugh during that situation and actually took good care of my own life! And I miss your cute fucking cat, your lovely little house, your ridiculous Spongebob pajamas, and even your mother, holy shit, I miss your mother’s food… and I’m pissed because I might know more about you than I know about me now, and because every time I close my eyes, I wish I was there in your goddamn house, and I wish we were together! I wish you’d give me a fucking chance to be with you, really you, in our own fucking bodies, and I’m pissed because I want you! I want you in every way possible, in every fucking way you can be in my life, because I like you, you old stupid man!”
He’s clinging up to the other man at this point, so desperate to let his point clear that he shakes a bit when Xiao Zhan roams his face, reaching the sight of his mouth. It’s very tempting to watch him so closely, yet he can’t stop talking now that he’s been given the chance to do just so.
“I’m pissed because you were stupid enough to run away, and because ━ because you’re stupid, stupid, stupid, and I think I’m falling in love with you, and maybe I’ll never stop thinking about you, I’ll never stop seeing you in my fucking dreams!” Yibo hissed as he pushed the lapel of Xiao Zhan’s fancy coat, appreciating the sight of his collarbone while he did so. “And I’m pissed because I hate this universe and this stupid crossed star because it gave me the chance of meeting you and then took you out of my life too. Do you get how unfair that seems?! I’m pissed because when I’m seeing you now, it doesn’t matter in which body you are and in which place we’re existing or how you fucking treat me, I still cannot stop thinking that I want to be there in your life and I want you to be in mine. I want to not be only dreaming about your body, but I want to be the one touching your body, and I want to wake up every morning with you next to me, and that’s fucking stupid. And I’m pissed because I know, I know you feel the same.”
For a moment, the stars form a halo above the both of them, and from the corner of his eyes he catches sight of a meteor striking upon the sky. But regardless of the view around them, he takes a look at Xiao Zhan, the most marvelous view of it all. Through stars and universes, he takes a look at the man in front of him.
He’d fight the world for that man. He’d profess his love to all corners of the world for that man. He’d start a war to be with him. He’d cross every universe, defy all odds and doomed fates for that man alone. In fact, he already did.
“You feel the same,” Yibo reaches closer, touching the point of Xiao Zhan’s chest where his heart laid, feeling the quickened heartbeats with his fingertips. “Then why are you running away? Why are we wasting all this time? If the universe itself has aligned to bring us together, why are you pushing me off? Because I’m telling you, ge… if this is something that happens once in a thousand lifetimes, I don’t think we should ignore it. But I can assure you that the way I like you, I like you because I like you. It doesn’t matter which fucking star crosses the sky. I still like you, and I would’ve liked you still, even if we had met during a different occasion, in a more normal situation. Now, if you don’t want to be with me the same way, can you just fucking go?”
For a moment, he’s ready to comprehend any answer he’s about to be given. Even if he’s rejected, even if there’s no other way to move on if not by talking out loud everything that’s been bothering him ━ now there he was, under the bright sky that brought them together, panting as he stares at Xiao Zhan, uncertain of his reaction.
The older man blinks twice in a roll, his mouth parting a little as he processes every bit of his speech. If he was to love Yibo as well, he should do so exactly like that: exactly as he is, a panting mess in the middle of that huge universe who can’t offer nothing if not those ridiculous feelings. If wasn’t ready for that commitment it was okay as well, as long as he was rejected softly and slowly, with the gentleness he knew Xiao Zhan was capable of.
He wouldn’t be selfish, he wouldn’t pressure him, he wouldn’t let that affect their business together. However, as the clock ticks by, he feels a tear sliding off through his cheek. Yibo can barely hold himself up anymore, the intenseness of the moment weighing down on him.
Just as he’s prepared to leave then, ashamed of the older man watching him cry right there, through large steps he watches as the designer crosses the space between them, a hypnotizing expression in his face.
“We’re two silly, silly men,” Xiao Zhan grabs both his cheeks, staring off into his eyes so fondly that he’s wondering if all of this was truly real. “I accepted all of this to be here with you, you know? Because I couldn’t stand staying in that little apartment thinking about you all day long, imagining how things would be if I had just stayed that night, if I had just waited for you and talked about everything.”
The eyes.
The eyes are the window of the soul.
Xiao Zhan’s eyes tell Yibo everything he needs to know.
After gulping down, the older man continues, “I couldn’t stand living without you anymore. I don’t have a big, cheesy speech prepared, but I just want to fix things up… I just want you to know that I’m sorry for leaving things like that, and that I’m willing to fight this together. Not that there’s anything to fight anymore ━ but you get what I mean. I just want to be by your side. I like you so damn much, and you’re now occupying such an extension of my life, I can’t imagine a universe in which you’re not there bothering me and I’m not there adoring you for it.”
Yibo’s tears are being dried up by Xiao Zhan’s hands alone, the feeling of his skin touching his face so sweet that he feels like his legs will give up anytime. Right now, he’s probably looking like a deer caught in headlights, he’s taking his time to digest everything.
What’s happening right now? Is this really what I think it is? Maybe that’s all just a joke, the younger man wonders, as their foreheads touch. I’m not always this lucky, but I know Zhan-ge wouldn’t do this to me either. Are we in this together? Are we, really?
“In your note, you said you couldn’t move on from me. But it’s me, Yibo, it’s me who can’t move on from you. I couldn’t always move on from you, not even if I wanted to.”
“Do you really mean what you’re saying?” he watches as the man he adores nods, holding a smile so hopeful, so alike to his own, that Yibo does think that their heartbeats are in synchronization. “Zhan-ge… does that mean we can begin again?”
Xiao Zhan’s breathing next to his was soft, and Yibo shivers unconsciously. For a moment, he’s prepared to kiss the man he’s been dreaming for so long, but then he sees him retreating, then exchanging his hand, leaving Yibo to stare at it.
Now, what’s this supposed to mean? So was this really a joke? Did he regret things so quickly and want to be just friends, colleagues, whatever?! How could I have ruined this so quickly, I can’t━
“Hello, Wang-laoshi. Pleasure to meet you. My name’s Xiao Zhan, I’m gonna be your designer for your store project from now on, so let’s take care of each other, shall we?”
He swallows dry, and the older man grins affectionately.
It’s time in terms with the fact that he’s seeing love in Xiao Zhan’s eyes, an expression he’s been desiring to see directing at himself for a long time. Ever since he catched one of the pictures on Xiao Zhan’s house, saw that smile and felt that he should only smile like that towards him, he wanted to see that smile forever.
There has never been a dream so close at that moment. Yibo’s drowning in devotion, strong waves of hope crashing into the confines of his heart. And then he questions, “Am I dreaming?”
That despicable old man dares to hum in consideration, then pinches his cheek softly. To compensate, at least he pecks him on the mouth, “Hmn… I’m pretty sure you’re not.”
“Oh.”
At last, Xiao Zhan kisses him appropriately.
They start with a slow kiss, experiment each other’s lips once again, the familiarity almost overwhelming. But quite quickly, Xiao Zhan’s hands wrap around Yibo’s waist, holding him ever closer; he doesn’t think he’ll ever grow tired of Xiao Zhan’s kisses, let them be rushed or as slow as that one. It’s something so simply to hold him as well, his hands exploring the back of the older man’s neck.
There’s no need to rush, no need to stress themselves over what’s already gone. They’re holding the time in their hands right now. They’ll have their time to settle things up, and it’s enough to know that his feelings are mutual, that he’s not alone anymore; Yibo’s in basking the happiness of that knowledge. Soon enough, they’re looking in each other’s eyes again, enjoying the afterglow of such a striking moment.
Xiao Zhan caresses his face for a moment, their breathings in sync.
“Do you want this to be a dream?”
How could he want that to be a dream when he’s got everything he wants right there?
“No. No, Zhan-ge… I really don’t.”
He could stay like that forever, if they’d let him: simply kissing his beloved under the stars. After spending the last months apart, he deserves to have this; Yibo thinks he sees a shooting star out of the corner of his eyes when they break apart from a moment, pressing kisses in each other’s forehead, and he thinks about the amount of times he dreamed all of that over, imagining scenarios where they’d end up together.
It’s just then that he remembers something!
Of course it’s foolish, nothing important at all, but he’s so happy that he can’t avoid muttering in between kisses what he wants to say. That’s a day for the history books: the one and only Wang Yibo, an idol who receives quite a lot of complaints about never talking enough, can’t stop spilling out words.
“Oh my God, that’s it. I had a dream one of these past nights where I was in a green studio with some motorcycle statues at the back, a lot of shelves with miniatures of famous old bikes, then I had you sitting on the chair across from my table ━ and you know, it had all that intense vibe,” he doesn’t think he can’t stop kissing Xiao Zhan right now, he doesn’t think he’ll stop enjoying that privilege now that he’s began. “Then I remember I dreamed you were spreading me across the table, we were taking our clothes off, then I had my hands on your di━”
“Yibo!”
“On your dimples! On your dimples, Zhan-ge, because your dimples are so cute,” he grins wickedly, touching the older man’s cheek to prove his point. “The thing is, it was surely a signal of the universe, wasn’t it? Dreaming about fucking my hot designer and all that, it’s crazy how the world’s messing with us, because I was so happy I was dreaming of you, and dreaming of you naked of all things━”
“God, you can’t stop talking, can you?” Xiao Zhan groans shortly, yet smiling still.
“I think I can’t stop talking now, no. But you could keep my mouth shut. You can do it with your own mouth, or maybe using other methods, one of them starting with the word ‘d’ that I won’t mention because you’re an old man with unnecessary pudor, but I won’t mind either way. Maybe I’m freaking out a bit too, because I still can’t believe that you just accepted my feelings and said that likes me back, which I could never imagine in a thousand years because you’re not only an old man with unnecessary pudor, but you’re an old man with repressed emotions, which is hard to deal with, by the way, we’ll have to get you better on that━”
“Yibo,” Xiao Zhan calls, sighing fondly as he starts trailing kisses throughout the younger man’s entire face. “My sweet man, my dramatic brat, my probably-and-hopefully boyfriend, could you please shut your pretty mouth for one minute?”
A heart so weak like his couldn’t withstand those lovely words, it starts jumping around, a bright puppy wiggling its tails at the mention of a walk. He still can’t believe he’s getting to have the older man, to bask in his love, in this life together, and the mention of becoming boyfriends shakes him from head to toes.
Yibo smiles so widely that he feels his face muscles ache.
“If you’re asking so lovingly, how could I not?” he kisses the other man’s wrist, depositing all his love into his skin. “It’s just that I can’t avoid wanting to tell you things. I want to talk to you about everything. You’ll hear me talk all night long today, be prepared. Also, we can pretend you did a better speech than this one, one longer and cheesier than mine━”
“Oh my God, I hate you.”
“Nah, you can’t hate me and you can’t lie anymore. Your first rule as my boyfriend is to not lie, nor run away from me anymore,” Yibo pouts, hiding his face into the crook of Xiao Zhan’s neck.
Embracing someone has never felt this right.
Existing right now has never felt this light.
“We can always talk things out, I guess.”
“Hmn. We’ll always talk things out from now on.”
As they should’ve done months before, as they should’ve never stopped doing. Both set on the fact that they can fix things up though, begin something greater and better, something they won’t regret afterwards. Now that they’ll see each other every day, they can start working on their lives with each other.
Xiao Zhan kisses Yibo’s forehead one more time, like a promise, and they’re ready to go downstairs; enjoy the party, do some small talk, update Song-jie, and discuss with businessmen about the path they’ll be taking through for the brand. That means they must go back to the life waiting, to what they were missing.
However, he can’t avoid relishing on the older man’s embrace even further, feeling how their heartbeats seem to be in synchrony as well, singing together in a harmony. Indeed, there’s something extraordinary in the uncanny circumstance of falling in love.
“Did you finish freaking out already?”
“Not actually, no.”
Xiao Zhan kisses him again, an amused smile on his face.
“You’re gonna get there.”
If there’s one thing Wang Yibo learned when living Xiao Zhan’s life ━ beyond how to boss around employees, charm cats and write sappy ass notes ━, was how to use art in your daily life, be it to create beautiful decoration patterns or the color theory for a better interior design. Though he lacks a degree, he’s excelling in the subject of taking lessons from being exposed to the other man’s customs.
That’s an important lesson as well, because Xiao Zhan’s impressed at how he’s been helping him decorate his new apartment, right downtown and close to the neighborhood where Yibo’s store was located. The demanding idol wanted Xiao Zhan to just move in with him right away, but he declined the offer for the time being, accusing the other of acting too fast.
He does emphasize in the time being, because he was really tempted to the offer, the idea of waking up to Yibo’s loving gaze sounding wonderful, but he wants a slow pace of falling, a gradual development, the moving-in-together-part can be left for later as they get to daze over each other little by little.
That doesn’t stop Wang Yibo from visiting his office space every day, nor from bothering him until he finally catches Xiao Zhan’s full attention, “How’s the project going, Mr. Designer?”
That also doesn’t stop Wang Yibo from sleeping in his house quite frequently, especially if he doesn’t have any appointment in the morning (though these days he seems to have none, and Xiao Zhan was suspicious that might’ve something to do with Yibo’s decision more than his manager’s).
Sooner than he thought, they’re settling things up in RACE485 as well ━ Xiao Zhan had his office in the second floor, hired more people for the design department and had all the flexible time in the world, though he spent that time more with his boyfriend-boss trying to make him change the name of the brand to something more stylish ━, and he even starts to plan holiday breaks in Chongqing. There’s not a Saturday he doesn’t call his friends, nor a Friday in which he doesn’t argue with Song-jie about what’s better for Yibo, yet they’re working out pretty wonderfully.
What’s not so wonderful was the ease in which Jianguo falls into Yibo’s lap every time he’s there, preferring him over his own true owner. But he can admit that watching them lying on the couch, Jianguo so comfortably with the younger man while they’re watching something on the TV as he prepares some food, does make him sigh in fondness.
It’s funny how they make a home for themselves, how they nuzzle into each other, and how Yibo’s truthful to the promise that they’d about everything, from how they’re feeling today to how they’re anxious for a new show. They talk about how Xiao Zhan’s mother was eager to visit them too, the gossip Zhuocheng and Xuan Lu share, updates of their favorite artists, maps around ideas for trips to Europe.
And they sing together, dance throughout a dark living room, hold each other’s hand inside elevators, pretend they’re innocent when Song-jie complains about how they’re in the cinema skipping a meeting with some pretentious businessman.
Sometimes they enjoy each other’s silence, with Yibo holding him down on the couch as his hands caress every part of his body; sometimes he only says, “You’re mine.”
The older man sighs to himself, considering that affirmation.
“Well, apparently that’s what the universe says.”
“Fuck you.”
Xiao Zhan smirks. “Please do.”
Life goes round and around through these mornings and nights together, two weeks blending into a month, a month blending into two, and two months blending into four. Learning more about their preferences, their passions and small details; learning about what they like to eat over dinner, what’s their favorite side of the bed, which temperature they enjoy their baths.
Yibo likes vegetables, Xiao Zhan likes hotpot; Yibo likes the right side, Xiao Zhan likes to sleep close to the window, in the left one; Yibo enjoys a cold temperature, while Xiao Zhan complains about the coldness of his body after a shower, saying that a hot bath’s quite better.
And soon enough, they’re so used to each other’s presence that it’s almost as if they’ve known each other forever. On the day before their five months together, Xiao Zhan says just as much when they’re in the office, “I feel like you’ve been bothering me since forever.”
Yibo slaps him on the shoulder, huffing in indignation. He learned recently that the younger man likes their bantering, perhaps too much maybe, enough so he favors to childishly fight with him over actually eating his lunch in the store.
“Oh, I bother you now? Don’t be evil with me.”
He’s drawing a green jacket for the new circuit Yibo’s going to perform next month, and doesn’t take his eyes off the drawing to point out, “You like evil me.”
The younger man interrupts his work time to cross the table, sitting in Xiao Zhan’s lap as comfortably as ever, holding him by the neck to kiss him softly. There’s no other choice if not to drop the tablet, ignoring it for the moment he has Yibo close ━ it’s been like that lately, he’ll never reject the other man’s affectionate side after all.
“I like all of you… but evil Xiao Zhan gets to fuck me tonight.”
He hums. “Good.”
“We’ll be alone in the office tomorrow, by the way.”
Xiao Zhan remembers an investor and a Korean director arriving for a meeting only later that, since they decided to cancel the following day’s meeting so they can talk further on friday. They were excited about how the brand was acquiring recognition faster than planned, and now he was also excited to spend that day together.
“We will indeed. I wonder what my boss has been planning about that…”
“He plans to make you work a lot. You’ll have a hard time tolerating him in your office, talking nonstop, then kissing you senseless. And he plans to have you all to himself, so you won’t have any time for peace.”
“Are you trying to tire me here? You know, a designer needs some rest… perhaps a day for themselves, just to be in his home,” Xiao Zhan provokes, raising his eyebrows as he knows it allures his boyfriend. “Wang-laoshi, you’re being very mean to your employee here, don’t you ever think about his feelings?”
After a short kiss, Yibo stares at him, smiling beautifully and cheekily at the same time. Once again, his heart melts just like butter under the sun; no chance to survive under the attack of the younger man’s endearing grin. If his life was to end right then, he’d die happy to be leaving with the memory of his beloved like that.
“You know, not everything’s about you, Xiao-laoshi.”
“You’re right,” Xiao Zhan smiles fondly. “This time, it’s about us.”
And for every little time afterwards, it’ll be about them.
I never considered myself important, but maybe I’m important because I have you. Yes, I am important because I have you. Because I met you, I know you, I love you, he drags all these words unsaid to the kisses he places in Yibo’s skin. The younger man smiles in between these kisses, so reverently that his eyes shine with love.
I met you, I know you, I love you.
Until the universe fractures down into dust.
Until the ruins of the stars befall upon us in this world.
The rays of sunlight reach two over one morning, the change of weather making it easy to sleep in during that fresh spring day. One more day into an immeasurable amount of other days to go by, one more period of time to enjoy in that existence.
Wang Yibo awakes in a comfortable bed with pressure under his left arm.
He opens his eyes only to catch the sight of Xiao Zhan next to him, face solemn into unconsciousness, so peaceful that he holds the man even closer, engraving that moment in heart and mind. The face of someone he desires to hold for the rest of his days.
Well. I’m definitely, utterly, genuinely lucky.
Yibo sighs in contentment, and comes back to sleep.