Chapter Text
Kaoru closes the cabin door behind him and leans on it with all his weight, his chest still shaken by shallow, close breaths.
The thin wooden structure has evidently seen better days, the blue of the paint has peeled off in several places, and Kaoru would not be able to say if the resulting shabby chic effect makes it elegant or outdated. In any case, the coolness inside it is pleasant and, slowly, one breath after another, helps him to regain control of himself.
Despite lying under the umbrella, Miyakojima's scorching heat left him exhausted and gasping.
Or maybe it was that stupid gorilla to make him mad once again, causing him an inappropriate rise in temperature.
Is it possible that he can't even go for half a day without having a couple of girls clinging to his stupid biceps?!
He will have to say a few words to that damn gigolo for the bad example he is giving to the kids; even Reki and Langa were clearly embarrassed in front of that pitiful scene.
Luckily Miya, calling him dad, took care of him spoiling the mood with the two 'beauties in bikinis'.
Maybe it's the right opportunity to give him the new game for his console that Kaoru bought the previous week at the airport, on his return from a business trip to Tokyo (but only because it was on sale at 50% and it would have been a real shame not to take advantage of it).
"Your temperature has dropped to 37.2 degrees Celsius, Master. I recommend that you rehydrate and stay for another five minutes in a covered and ventilated place."
"Thank you, Carla." he murmurs, in favor of the smart band around his wrist that pulsates with a soft pinkish glow.
Kaoru opens the bottle of water he just got at the beach bar and takes a long sip, then unties the obi of his yukata and pushes the flaps aside to cool off a bit.
He closes his eyes and takes another deep breath.
His head is still leaning against the door, he can feel the thickness of every single strip of wood through which passes a gust of ocean breeze that slips directly into the hair behind the nape of the neck: the feeling is pleasant and refreshing, perhaps he should collect them in a high ponytail, so much so that on the beach there is no one who can identify him as Cherry Blossom.
"Your temperature has dropped to 36.8 degrees Celsius, Master. But your heart rate is still getting faster, and your Cortisol and Testosterone* levels are still above the safe threshold. I would venture the hypothesis that the cause of your illness was not only the heat."
Carla takes a pause that makes her look absolutely 'human' before adding "Does Nanjo-san have anything to do with your turmoil?"
Kaoru smiles at that comment.
"I designed you damn well, Carla. I can’t hide anything from you, huh?"
"You have no reason to do that, Master. You programmed me to help you in every situation."
"Right..."
The past returns once again to overwhelm him, the bittersweet memory of the exact moment when he started Carla's installation and severed forever all ties with his old self, giving up piercings and heavy makeup in favor of a new and safer personality.
Yet, in hindsight, the armor that Kaoru has built around himself does not seem to have been able to protect him.
As much as he tried, as much as he tries every single day to keep everything and everyone away from his heart, it’s enough for him to let his guard down for a moment that those dark lines on that tanned skin catapult him back to the end of his third year of high school.
His room flooded with the morning sun, Kojiro's skin so smooth and soft under his fingertips, his mouth half-open as he slept. The urge to take brush and ink, and draw on that perfect canvas created by mother nature was irresistible and fatal.
Behind his drooped eyelids he can still see the dark streams of ink that slipped on Kojiro's toned pectorals. That awkward declaration of love whispered in the midst of the roar of the water still rings in his ears. Kojiro's soft lips on his, his hands everywhere, his clothes disappearing leaving them naked and throbbing, discovering themselves for the first time as two lovers in that tiny shower stall.
Kaoru punches the cabin door and fights back the tears.
Is it possible that, after eight years, that sun-shaped tattoo still manages to make him burn with a passion so bitter like the regret of times gone by?
❀∞❂
He knew that sooner or later he would show up at Crazy Rock, his mother had told him that he had been back for a couple of weeks now.
What he didn’t expect was that he had changed so much.
He had become even taller and wider, his unmistakable green mop standing out among the small crowd of onlookers who fanned out to let him pass as he approached the starting line.
Kaoru's heart pounded furiously, blood hammering in his ears so violently that he couldn't even hear the people screaming.
"I imagined that the famous 'Cherry Blossom' was you..."
His voice had also changed. It was lower and hoarse, but still warm and soft as velvet, the way he pronounced the words that still felt the influence of the Italian language, slipping between his full lips like the verses of a love song.
"And who are you?" asked Kaoru, abruptly, without taking his eyes off the traffic light in front of him.
The astonished frown lasted only a moment on Kojiro's face, so he smiled and positioned the skateboard on the starting line.
"I... well, I'm Joe."
Well, he had been playing along. Someone must have warned him of the unspoken rule of using an alter-ego to run to 'S', the new clandestine race that, only a few days ago, Kaoru had begun to organize at the old mine where he, Adam and Kojiro used to go as boys.
"And what do you want to play in this challenge, Joe?"
"If I win, come and have dinner with me!" he replied confidently as he slipped his blue and black jacket off his shoulders and prepared to start.
At that cheeky proposal, Kaoru shifted his gaze to him, really watching him for the first time.
His muscles were... huge, but Kaoru could not observe him carefully because the large black sun tattooed on his shoulder immediately caught his attention, making him fall back into memory like Alice falling down the rabbit hole.
"And what are you betting, Cherry Blossom?"
Kaoru couldn't answer.
He couldn't even connect.
He could hardly breathe.
"Well, you’ll tell me at the finish line, hmm? Provided you win, of course..."
Kojiro smiled, warm and winking, and Kaoru's heart skipped a beat.
The traffic light began to flash the countdown, drawing the attention of the challengers and the audience to the 'key challenge' of the evening: the great Cherry Blossom, which had created 'S' and that direct bet race mode, which was challenged by Joe, the mysterious rookie who had just appeared from who knows where.
❀∞❂
"Next week there will be the inauguration." explained Kojiro as he brought two plates of steaming pasta to the table.
The place was even more like a construction site than a restaurant, but the plate smelled so delicious that, for the first time since he showed up at the address Kojiro had sent him, Kaoru thought that maybe all in all the evening would not be a total disaster.
Of course, his stomach was still stuffy, and he began to play with the chunks of bacon that sailed in the yellow and creamy sauce.
"So, I'm some kind of test case, hmm?" he asked acidly as he slowly rolled some spaghetti around his fork. Of course he knew how to do it, thanks to frequent business trips he was used to international food, but he was certainly more comfortable with chopsticks.
"Taste it and then you will tell me. I don't know why but I have the feeling that Carbonara will become your favorite dish."
Kojiro smiled, his amaranth eyes shining with that soft, affectionate light he hadn't seen in three years, and Kaoru's stomach spasmed hot.
For a moment he thought he would vomit breakfast (since he hadn't touched any food for lunch because of the tension), but maybe it was hunger that squeezed his stomach in such a violent grip. And maybe it wasn't even really for food...
He lowered his head trying to hide his blush and thrust the first forkful of pasta into his mouth.
The most divine flavor he had ever experienced flooded his taste buds and filled his eyes with tears.
"Kaoru, are you all right...?"
"Yes. Of course." he replied quickly, reaching out to the glass and quickly downing the morsel with two sips of red wine.
"By the way, that tattoo...?!?"
He wanted to divert the conversation from his reaction to that 'food of gods', but he was slipping into an even more uncomfortable conversation with his own hands.
Still, it was the first thing that had come to his mind.
In fact, it had been three days since Cherry Blossom had lost the challenge with Joe, thus decreeing his success and making him immediately enter the Top 5 of Crazy Rock.
Carla had notified him that social media had gone crazy for Joe and, after only three days, he was already associated with Cherry Blossom himself as the founder of 'S'.
"Nice, huh?"
"Hmm..." the skeptical expression on Kaoru's face did not betray the emotion that the sun still generated in him just thinking about it.
"But it's your design!" objected Kojiro fervently.
Kaoru closed his eyes, the memories still assailing him with no escape.
Kojiro had asked him insistently every day before leaving for Italy. He wanted it on paper, a memory of the stupid sun that Kaoru had drawn as a joke on his skin while he was sleeping and that had started everything that had happened between them afterwards: the shower together, the confession, the first time they had made love...
Three years had passed but in Kaoru it seemed like a day and a century had passed at the same time.
"It doesn't mean it's beautiful." he replied, putting on a new roll of spaghetti and bringing it to his mouth "So big it's vulgar... tacky..." he added, perhaps forgetting that when he had drawn it on Kojiro's skin, the rays reached up to the pectorals.
Kojiro did not respond to Kaoru's provocation and in an instant became serious. And when he spoke again, his tone was low and sad.
"I wrote to you, about the tattoo. I had also sent you a photo but at that time you had already stopped answering my messages. I had hoped that, at least knowing that I was thinking about you, that I missed you so much that I wanted to tattoo your sun on my skin, that would push you to answer me. To tell me what was happening..."
Kojiro's gaze was fixed on Kaoru, who instead absolutely avoided looking at him while he tormented the last strands of pasta left on the plate.
"I missed you, Kaoru. I missed you every day..." he added in a faint voice.
Kaoru stopped and put his fork down on the edge of the plate.
Suddenly he was no longer hungry.
"Kaoru..."
His name came out of Kojiro's lips like a sigh, a prayer.
Kaoru felt pinned with his back to the wall and could no longer escape.
"I'm sorry." he just said without looking up at Kojiro.
"What, exactly, are you sorry for?" in Kojiro's voice there was no accusation but only pain and regret " That you haven’t replied to my messages after even a year I was gone? That you didn't answer my phone calls? That you made your mother tell me that you weren't at home when I came back for Christmas? Or…”
"For everything! I'm sorry for everything, okay?" blurted out Kaoru, driven by the need to stop that series of accusations against him, because they were all absolutely true and deserved.
"Evidently I'm not made for long-distance relationships." he then added, feeling compelled to say something else that could somehow justify him "They're not for me. I'm sorry."
Kojiro was silent for a long moment, perhaps waiting for Kaoru to add something, but he seemed to have locked himself in his head again.
"Okay, that’s fine."
He reached over Kaoru's, the first contact since they had seen each other again, and Kojiro distinctly felt the tremor that shook Kaoru's hand for an instant.
And he hoped.
"But now I'm here, I'm back as I promised, and I'll never leave again. As you can see I'm opening my restaurant and... I love you, Kaoru. I still love you. And we can start again from where we have..."
Kaoru's eyes filled with tears and he quickly rose from the table, the napkin curled up angrily still clutched between his nervous fingers.
"I am sorry…” he repeated once more.
And then he looked up at Kojiro's in a final act of bravery.
"But it's over. If you want, we can stay friends."
Kaoru set the napkin on the table and walked toward the door.
He stopped with his hand on the doorknob, and Kojiro's heart spasmed, the faint hope that maybe, maybe Kaoru didn't really mean it and that he would turn around and tell him that he loved him too and that they could get back together and...
"Your carbonara is divine." he murmured without even turning his head.
And then he walked out the door.
❀∞❂
Kaoru slides sitting on the small bench inside the cabin, his jelly legs not even able to stand him up.
He has no idea how much time passed while he was lost in memories, maybe five minutes, maybe an hour.
The kids will be worried.
"Carla, how long have I been here?"
"Seventeen minutes, master. Feeling better? Your parameters have stabilized even though I just recorded a spike in Oxytocin*."
"Carla..." Kaoru stops.
As sophisticated as his AI is, how can he explain his remorse for the choices he made? The regret of not having trusted Kojiro, of literally cutting him off from his life during those three years in which he was studying in Italy.
Because Kojiro really believed in the two of them, while Kaoru couldn't.
And what can he do, now, to change things?
His stupid proud character continued to build walls, brick by brick, even after Kojiro returned.
He didn't ask him anything about his stay in Italy, he doesn't even want to know if he dated girls or boys, even if it was just for fun, to soothe the loneliness, to pass the time.
The distance that Kaoru wanted to create between them is still deep and unbridgeable.
Yet, five years after his return, he realizes that he is lonely and dry, a withered version of himself, still totally and madly in love with his best friend and with no chance of backing down.
"Tell me Master."
"You... do you think Kojiro is still in love with me?"
"I think so, Master."
"And how can you say that? It's always full of women, even two, three at a time..."
"What you say supports my theory that Nanjo-san still loves you, Master. Have you ever seen him twice with the same girl?"
"Well, no, I don't think so... apart from the fact that they all seem the same to me... Petite, with soft and abundant curves, and with big tits! The exact opposite of what I am..." he murmurs with a bitter grimace.
"Exactly, Master. Nanjo-san has never had a steady girlfriend, or even a boyfriend, for that matter. I simply believe that he wants to make you jealous. That he flaunts all his conquests of people with different looks and genders from yours, just to push you to a reaction."
Kaoru drains the remaining water in the bottle, while he reflects on Carla's words.
They make sense.
Yet, Kojiro never declared his love for him again. After that first dinner, he agreed to go back to being just friends, and he never made any more attempts to establish a relationship of any other kind with Kaoru.
"Nanjo-san doesn't have any accounts on any dating apps, and his Instagram profile only follows cooking, skateboarding, fitness, and travel accounts. In addition to your calligraphy account, of course."
He doesn't know why, but for the first time in his life, Kaoru can almost believe that there is hope for them. He WANTS to believe it, and it almost seems to him that every piece of information that Carla gives him, imperceptibly cracks that barrier that Kaoru has built like bulletproof glass around his heart, to defend it from the blows that could have come.
"But... every night he leaves Crazy Rock with a different girl..." he still objects with little conviction.
"He accompanies them home and immediately goes to sleep, at his house, alone. I remind you that 'Sia la luce' also opens for breakfast."
"Carla, how do you know all these things...? No, ok, don't tell me. I prefer not to know..." Kaoru gives a half-smile.
Perhaps he will have to review Carla's settings on privacy policy and, above all, those on her freedom of personal initiative, but right now all in all it's okay. Carla's words are getting to the point, and Kaoru really begins to believe that maybe, maybe Carla might be right, and that Kojiro may still be in love with him.
"All his free time is with you, Master." finally Carla adds, the last blow on the already cracked glass of his beliefs that literally shatters it "I think it means something ..."
Kaoru doesn't have time to metabolize Carla's words when the cabin door is shaken by an excited knock.
"Kaoru? Kaoru are you in there? Is everything okay?"
Kaoru's heart speeds up as he hears Kojiro's deep voice tinged with concern.
"Kaoru please answer me. The lifeguard said you rented cabin number 8, please answer me if you are there!"
"Yes, Kojiro, I'm here."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes..."
"You disappeared without saying anything to anyone. I was worried... And the kids too..."
Kaoru closes his eyes and leans his head back on the wood of the cabin behind him.
What should he do?
"Kaoru..."
Kojiro's voice is now low and hoarse, slipping between the sloping strips of the door carrying with it the pungent scent of the ocean, and Kaoru doesn't know if it's one or the other that is causing goosebumps to rise.
"Oscar Wilde once said..." Carla has turned down the volume of the speaker and Kaoru has to raise his wrist to bring the smart band next to his ear to catch the following words"Follies are the only things we never regret."
Kaoru's heart suddenly accelerates.
Follies...
The last folly he did was perhaps lip piercing to challenge his parents when he was seventeen. And the vibrant light in Kojiro's eyes when he showed it to him, was worth all the pain of the puncture and also that of the slap he had received from his father.
Or maybe it was that time he and Kojiro had slid their skateboards down the handrail of the escalator inside the mall while the guard chased them.
The maybe when Kojiro...
Because Kojiro was always with him, all the follies of his past somehow involved Kojiro.
Kaoru stands up, unexpectedly firm on his legs and in his newfound determination, and opens the door of the cabin.
He grabs the lapel of that stupid Hawaiian shirt and drags Kojiro inside. He immediately closes the door and Kojiro's back falls against it as Kaoru assaults his lips in a violent and desperate kiss.
Kojiro's amazement lasts only an instant, then his huge arms wrap around Kaoru's waist slipping into the yukata that slides to the ground; and in an instant he responds to the kiss, a burning urgency that takes his breath away, his hands sliding down Kaoru's back while he himself forcefully grabs those stupid biceps, rubs his warm skin violently as if he wanted to erase all traces of all the thin and delicate hands that clung to them until a few minutes before.
It seems that both want to devour each other, their lips looking for each other and chasing each other with enthusiasm, hungry and in need of making up for lost time.
Kojiro pulls off first in search of air, his lips sliding down Kaoru's cheek, around his jaw, slowly descending to his neck dragging small kisses along the path as he whispers his name.
"Kaoru..."
He almost feels like he can still hear the Italian inflection of those early days in the way he says it, and Kaoru sticks his fingers through his hair and tugging hard at it as he searches for his lips again in another hungry kiss.
His body completely adheres to Kojiro's, so hot and so solid, massive, and Kaoru can finally slip his fingers over that soft skin once again, he can feel the toned muscles, the perfect line of his lats, the hollows of his abdominals.
The salt on his skin is intoxicating as he descends to lick his collarbone, being careful not to mark him because he is still lucid enough to know that sooner or later they will have to get out of that cabin.
"Kaoru..." he still murmurs, the big hands caressing his face and all his love in a scorching gaze "God, how much I missed you!"
"I’m sorry..." Kaoru whispers.
The words are the same but the meaning is completely different.
"I was an idiot. But I was afraid..." he stammers between one kiss and another, and in the heat of the moment he could even go ahead and confess to Kojiro all his love, if the cabin door was not shaken again by a couple of decisive blows.
"Hey, guys, is everything ok?"
Langa's voice is calm and quiet, followed immediately by Reki's more agitated.
"Are you okay? We saw Kojiro come in and..."
"We are fine. We'll be out in a minute..." Kojiro replies, trying with little success to show a firm and calm voice.
"I told you not to disturb them." interjects Miya "Mom and Dad are... um, clarifying some little things..." he adds in a tone that leaves no doubt as to who is the smartest of the three.
Inside the cabin, Kaoru smiles and bends down to the ground to pick up the yukata that immediately drapes over his shoulders. Maybe there is some red mark to hide, he had the impression that Kojiro did not have the same problems as him in biting and sucking his skin.
"How am I?" he asks after re-tying the obi.
"You're so beautiful!" murmurs Kojiro, before depositing a kiss on his forehead.
He then turns to open the cabin door but Kaoru reaches out and interlaces his fingers with his.
Kojiro lifts their clasped hands in front of his face and holds his breath as he asks "Are you sure?"
"Never been more sure in my life!"
❀∞❂
*HORMONES MENTIONED IN THIS STORY:
Cortisol, also known as the stress hormone, can cause numerous negative effects for the body if it is produced in excessive quantities. Produced in the right quantities, it is useful for our body as it helps keep blood sugar levels under control, helps keep blood pressure low and regulates heart activity.
Oxytocin, the "love hormone", involved in a number of important physiological and psychological functions. For example, it promotes maternal attachment, lactation, partner bonding, and group cohesion.
Testosterone, is the hormone involved in the development of male secondary characteristics. The production of testosterone is aimed at regulating sexual desire, maintaining muscle mass and producing sperm.
❀∞❂
END
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