Chapter Text
Lucy’s world shrank down, staring at the lifeless body of Rosalind Dyer perched on the front steps of the mansion. Then it disappeared completely.
It wasn’t really her, Lucy was sure of it. A Rosalind mannequin? A stand-in, maybe? After all the damage she caused, it couldn’t just end this… easily? Unless she planned it. A back-up plan, maybe?
‘Doesn’t matter. All it means is that we can focus on catching her accomplice before he kills anyone else.’ Tim’s voice. A wall of strength beside her. The world still existed. Lucy existed. Rosalind was gone. It was always going to end this way, but now it happened, something felt off.
She felt Tim move away, leaving a void she could tumble into and disappear forever. She wanted to follow, wanted her strength back, but she couldn’t make herself move. She looked again. Empty eyes staring into nothing. This woman that tormented so many people for so long…
She only looked larger than life. It didn’t feel like the words were hers. She couldn’t remember when she heard them, but she held onto them anyway. Just a woman. A psychopath.
The feds arrived. People were talking. Lucy was there, but not there. Couldn’t stop looking back at the body. Nothing more than an empty vessel left behind. Her final grand escape. An easy way out. She needed to focus. Needed to be a cop. If she couldn’t be that now, a cop, all that was left was being her victim. Lucy refused to be her victim.
‘Chen, you’re with me.’ Tim’s voice again, calling out to her. She’d been standing right beside him and Grey, but now she was suddenly near Rosalind again, trying to figure out where the shooter had been. Tim nodded to the shop he arrived in.
‘But I–’ She turned to her shop. They had arrived separately. She couldn’t just leave it here.
‘You’re with me,’ he repeated, already moving, not even waiting for her to catch up. He was already in his seat, fastening his seatbelt, starting the engine when she got in.
‘Where are we going? Do we have a lead?’
Tim backed up, turned the shop around, drove off. He didn’t speak and for a couple of minutes she thought he might be pissed about her not catching on.
Get your head in the game. Those weren’t her words either.
She was about to apologize for how out of it she was, when he started shutting down the shop cams, one by one. ‘What are you doing?’
‘We’re off duty. I’m getting you out of here.’ He switched his body cam off next and gestured for her to do the same. ‘Turn it off.’
‘No!’ She shifted in her seat, facing him. His eyes were set on the road. ‘We need to get back there. We have a job to do. There’s still a killer out there, maybe more than one, and… something just isn’t right. I know it. This isn’t over, Tim. It’s not real, what if it wasn’t h–’
‘It is real. She’s gone. Feds are taking over. We did our job.’
‘No, please, Tim. You have to listen. She wouldn’t let it end like this. She has a back-up plan and until we figure out what it is, I can’t–’
‘She wanted Nolan to be the one to kill her. She had someone waiting in the wings if she didn’t get her way. That was the back-up plan. And now she can’t hurt anyone ever again.’
‘You don’t know that! She has acolytes! So many of them, each of them more than willing to follow any and all instructions she’s left. We know what she’s capable of!’
‘I don’t know why he even hesitated,’ Tim said like he hadn’t heard a word she said. ‘I would have taken the shot in a heartbeat.’
‘Don’t say that.’
‘Why not? It’s true.’ He was gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turned white. ‘It was textbook. You get a clear shot like that, you take it. It wasn’t even a hard call to make without the woman you love being the one whose life is in jeopardy. I wish she had offered me the same deal, back when–’ He cut himself off abruptly. ‘But all that matters is that it’s over now.’
His jaw clenched. The sudden quiet in the shop was deafening. He looked over. One quick glance that burnt through her like a torch. He’d looked at her like that earlier, as he was lowered through a hole in the floor not knowing what he was walking into. Except it hadn’t been quick. It had been excruciatingly long. She wanted to know what it meant. What it all meant. Every word, and look and silence since she had asked him to come in and caused their whole foundation to shift. But she couldn’t go there now. Not while someone might still be out there.
‘Tim, turn around. We need to get back. Please, I can do this. I’ll pull myself together, alright? You know I wouldn’t just say it if I wasn’t up for it.’
‘There’s nothing left for us to do.’
‘But it’s not over! Bailey got out. And… And Chris survived. And Nolan didn’t give her what she wanted. That’s not Rosalind, Tim, don’t you see? She doesn’t do things halfway. Which means she’s planned it like this and something… something else… is coming. What if it’s even worse? What if it’s… Tim… What if…’
She couldn’t say it out loud. Couldn’t get the words past her throat. She was choking on them, barely managing to breathe while she tried to get them out. This horrible thing that Tim wasn’t seeing.
‘You…’ she managed to squeeze out. It felt like her chest was being crushed. Some giant hand wrapping around her throat, cutting of air supply, crushing her windpipe, her vocal chords.
Because he didn’t get it. He went down the hole and it could have been a trap and he still left her there and went ahead.
‘Lucy!’ Tim said, hitting the brakes.
He could have died down there, and he didn’t even think twice. How could he not see it? It was right there!
‘She knows… about… she… I…’
‘Lucy… fuck. Listen to me: she’s dead. Gone. There’s nothing more she can do to you. Breathe. Take a breath.’ He pulled over, took his seatbelt off, reached for hers too. ‘You need to breathe, Lucy. It’s okay.’
But it wasn’t.
‘Not... about me,’ she tried again. ‘It’s you. She’s after you.’
‘What? No, she’s not. Lucy, look at me. There’s nothing she can do anymore. It’s all over.’
She shook her head, and she clawed at him, gripping his forearm so tight she had to be leaving marks. He was still trying to calm her down, but she needed to get through to him. He needed to understand what she was saying. Why didn’t he get it, already?
Tim had been the one to tell her it wasn’t her fault when they found Chris. He was rushed to the hospital, and Tim kept saying it wasn’t because of her. Rosalind picked Chris because he was the assistant DA working her case, and the fact he was Lucy’s boyfriend probably made it more fun, but that was all there was to it. Rosalind had an obsession for Nolan. With Lucy it was never personal.
Lucy hadn’t responded, because the only answer she could come up with, involved telling him she knew it wasn’t aimed at her. If it had been, Rosalind wouldn’t have taken Chris. She would have come for Tim.
Because Rosalind knew.
That one time she and Tim visited her in prison, Rosalind had read them. Lucy had seen the exact moment the penny dropped. She saw the spark of Rosalind’s interest being piqued and Tim must have seen it too, because he steered Lucy out of there as soon as it happened.
And now she was dead. But it was too easy. It didn’t make sense for her to be sloppy. If she came for Bailey, then she might have had some plan for Tim, too. And whoever fired that shot might be the one to put it in action. They needed to be prepared. They needed to get to the bottom of this and stop it. She needed Tim to be safe. Why didn’t he just get that?
He was supposed to be the one who got her. He always did. But that was before and everything was different now. Because he’d said it didn’t feel like pretend. And then she had asked him to come in. And he said he shouldn’t, but then he did anyway, and they almost… But they didn’t.
They didn’t.
And he had sent her away, even though she had wanted to stay and find out what would happen now it was out there. Because that changed everything, didn’t it? Now they both knew the other knew that they both had wanted to do the thing they didn’t do. And Lucy wanted it, still wanted it. But Tim freaked out, so she left and now they weren’t the same. Might never be the same, because there were rules in place between them, and she had crossed them and now… Now Tim didn’t get her. And she was Chen, not Lucy. She had lost him, all because she had wanted more than he was willing to give. She shouldn’t have asked for it. Then he’d still be him, and she’d still be her, and he would get her and they’d always have that. She shouldn’t have risked it. It wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth losing him.
‘You could have died!’ she screamed.
He looked at her like it was the stupidest thing to say. And maybe it was. Risking his life was literally his job. Every single day they were putting themselves at risk. Today wasn’t any different, so why did it feel that way?
‘She could have been after you, Tim. It could have been a trap and you…’
‘It wasn’t. I’m fine. See? I’m right here.’
‘You left!’
‘What?’ He looked startled; lips parted as his chest moved with his fast breathing. He didn’t get her at all. She needed him to be the guy that she could call in the middle of the night. And if she ended up not calling him, stuck in some kind of paralyzing trance, he’d know and he’d still come. He would say something that touched her soul, and then something to make her laugh. And he’d hold her hand all through the night. That had been hers, and it had been perfect, and now she ruined it.
‘You left me in the hallway. And you left me standing there, watching you go down that hole! And what if she’s after you? What if it’s not really her we saw, and she’s out there and she… How am I supposed… How, h–’ Everything was a blur now. She wasn’t even sure she was making any sense at all, but he always got her anyway and she needed that. She needed him. ‘Tim!’
It was a plea. She called out to him before the world went black. It felt like the darkness sucked her in and she would never emerge, but he was there and he stopped her from going under. He grabbed her face. ‘Hey… Look at me, Lucy. She is gone. It’s over. Whoever is still running her errands, we’ll get them, too. But right now, you have got to trust me. She won’t ever hurt anyone ever again.’
Trust him. Trust Tim… She could do that. She felt herself drift back from whatever faraway place she got pulled into. She was back in the shop, hunched over in her chair, collapsing under the weight of this awful day. These awful weeks. Without him. ‘Was it really her?’ she asked, her voice a thin, fragile thing. Barely audible. ‘It didn’t look like her. Are you sure?’
‘I’m sure, Lucy. I Promise.’
She sobbed. Rosalind was dead. Tim had brought Lucy back from the barrel, and now she’d helped bring Bailey back. Full circle. Maybe it really was over. Could it be? She sunk into him, her face pressed into the space between his bicep and chest. She felt his cheek against the top of her head, his breath ghosting her ear as he soothingly talked to her.
He felt so strong and safe. Like nothing could ever hurt him. Like no one would ever get to her as long as he was there.
‘Hey, hey… it’s okay. Look at me. Lucy… Look at me.’ His fingers wrapped around her upper arms and he practically pulled her upright. He reached for her body cam, switching it off with one quick flick. She watched the movement like it happened in slow motion. His long fingers reaching for her chest.
It was like he hit the reset button, taking her back to day one. Everything’s a test, officer Chen. She flinched when he did it the first time, squirming under his scrutinizing look. Now, her heart leapt. His voice was soft when he spoke.
‘It’s okay,’ he said, wiping tears of her face with his thumb. ‘Just let it out. It’s just us. Scream, cry, do whatever you need to do.’
Just us. She watched him watch her. His eyes scanning her face like he was trying to read her. It’s still us… Relief washed over her. Her mind untangled. There was only one thing she needed. With absolute clarity she thrusted forward and kissed him. And that was strike three, wasn’t it? Three times she just threw herself at him, crushing their lips together until his hesitation subsided and he took control. That was her favorite part. The way he took over. She craved it.
The first time, they got interrupted the moment he started doing it. But it had been enough. She’d felt his impulse to kiss her back. For that way to short moment in time she had felt all of what he was holding back and she was dying for him to pour it out all over her. They’d come so close. He had her thinking about it constantly. What she had missed out on. And then the second time, she really got a taste and it was enough to bring her to her knees.
The complete rush of it, and being totally at peace all at once had been mind-altering. She had never experienced anything like it. The way it felt like not only their lips connected, but their innermost beings as well. The thrill of it, and the calm underneath. Their souls whispering: Oh hey, there you are. What took you so long?
She didn’t know kissing could feel like that.
She needed it. More of the promise that both of those kisses had been. A promise of what it would be like when they wouldn’t have to stop. But this time, that one, brief moment of hesitation from him was enough to make her pull back.
They couldn’t keep doing this. This was what had made them fall apart.
‘I’m sorry!’ she said, pressing her hand to her lips, scrambling back in her seat. ‘I shouldn’t… have…’
‘No.’ His eyes locked in on hers. There was something reassuring in the way he looked at her and she felt a sense of relief at his no. It was going to be a no, a clear boundary. He was going to put it in place and then they would be able to move on and rebuild their foundation. She would never cross it again. Never touch it, or come close to it.
She tried to smile, but the relief evaporated, leaving deep sadness for that innermost part of her that came to life when he kissed her. It just had to sit back from now on, knowing he was close, but never feeling that ever again. Never getting to love him the way she wanted to.
‘Right,’ she said, fighting back tears. ‘You’re right. We shouldn’t… go there again.’
It took her back to that moment at the door. The way his ‘I shouldn’t’ sounded so much like a: ‘I really want to’. So much so, she dared to give him that lingering look while she stood there holding the door open.
‘That’s not what I’m saying.’
She made a soft sound of surprise. He had said it. He said no, so why was he looking at her like yes? And why did his hand come up to cradle the back of her head? Why was he holding his breath and how could the blue of his eyes look this dark? And why… Why was this man this gorgeous?
‘I was going to say: No, don’t be sorry.’ He drew her closer and for an undefined period of time Lucy wasn’t sure this was really happening. He was moving slow, giving her every opportunity to withdraw if she wanted to. ‘Come back to me.’
There were so many layers to those words, she couldn’t even begin to unpack. In a way she hadn’t felt like she really had come back from UC training. Nor from that talk in the hallway, that felt more like a break-up than any of her actual break-ups ever had. It felt like part of her had been missing ever since. But now, hearing him say those words, it leapt forward. It sparked to life. It returned home. It came back to him.
And they kissed.
This time, he came prepared. He hadn’t exactly been an unwilling participant before, but now he was in charge. His lips touched hers, soothing her, grounding her. Then he started tasting her like she was something he’d never get enough of. The beginning was slow, giving her time to settle in. Or maybe just to relish in the feeling of his lips touching hers just right. The soft, slow press of their lips meeting each other over and over again, slotting together perfectly.
But there was an urgency to it, too. Hands searching, moving, touching. Her fingers moved from the muscular plane of his chest to the stubble on his jaw. His grip on her tightened and she shifted and suddenly she wasn’t in her seat. She was in his lap, her legs still somewhat on her own seat until she managed to get her knees under her weight and swing one leg over to fully straddle him.
For seconds the only thought running through her mind was: we’re in the shop. On the side of the road. I’m straddling Tim in the shop on the side of the road. She never realized this could fit. God bless his long legs, making him have to push his seat all the way back to drive and creating this perfect, Lucy-shaped space. It had been here all along. She could have just scooted over and… how was she supposed to ever just ride with him again and not think about how spacious these front seats were?
His hands were on her back, moving down to her waist and up to cup the back of her head as he chased her lips. Ever the perfect gentleman. Then she heard him moan. A feral growl that made her shiver in all the good ways, and she realized she was riding him. Grinding down on him. And now his hands moved down, down, down to grab the curve of her ass, pulling her close and pushing her down on him as he thrusted up in a very un-gentlemanly fashion, making her feel him. He was actually hard for her. She was giving Tim Bradford – her former TO, the man that never let his guard down around her (except for the times he did…) – a boner the size of… Well, about the size she figured Tim would be whenever she let her mind go there.
She latched on to his bottom lip, teasing him with the tip of her tongue as she suckled. He opened his mouth, licking into hers, gently sweeping his tongue along hers.
She was lost to it. God, they were good at this. Tim’s tongue was in her mouth and she was riding his dick through their uniforms and it felt so, so good. Just a little longer and she could come from just this. And then she laughed, because she was about to come in the shop from riding Tim’s cock. She laughed, and they had to break their kiss.
Tim looked at her, all serious. His large, strong hands still on her ass. ‘Fuck, we should have done this sooner.’ Then he laughed too, and it most definitely was the most beautiful thing Lucy ever saw. She buried her laughter in his neck, breathing in his scent that she knew so well and now finally, finally she got to do this. Smell him the way she’d wanted to for so damn long. She nuzzled him, pressed her lips to his skin.
‘I knowwww…’ she crooned. Because of course it was his fault they didn’t. Tim with his stupid moral code and his no-fucking-his-rookie-policy. She tore herself away from his neck and looked at him. ‘We should stop, though. For now.’
He nodded. ‘Yeah. We probably should.’ He tried to sound matter of fact, which was so reassuringly Tim. Then their eyes locked and his face went all soft for her. It was such a mesmerizing new expression, even though deep down she had herself convinced she had seen flashes of it before.
I haven’t finished training you yet.
Don’t let anyone ever tell you, you can’t do something. Not even me.
You deserve to be recognized.
He wasn’t doing anything to hold it back, now. He wasn’t covering it up, or checking himself. He just let her see it, and never in her life could she have imagined it felt like this to really be looked at by him. To be seen by Tim. He’s always been the one person who truly did.
They leaned in simultaneously, lips locking for a sweet, soft kiss. Then another one. And another, and suddenly all of the heat was back and she was sigh-moaning into his mouth as he was switching between gently nipping her top and bottom lip. God, this was some next level kissing. And sitting on top of him like this really felt too damn good. ‘Okay, I should really–’ she started to say, pushing herself off of him before she wouldn’t be able to make herself stop anymore.
‘Yeah,’ he said, guiding her, trying to help her move. ‘We definitely should. You know… cool it.’
She dropped back in her seat and they sat there, faces turned towards each other, breathing heavily. She felt dazed by him. Her mind one cloudy, fuzzy mess of love and lust.
He reached for her hand. ‘I missed you.’
‘Thought you would have enjoyed the peace and quiet with me out of your business…’
‘Peace and quiet is overrated,’ he said, brushing the back of her hand with his thumb. She was fascinated by the movement. The way his hand practically engulfed hers. If she could freeze this moment, she’d be happy living in it for all eternity. ‘Mid-Wilshire isn’t the same without you… and neither am I.’
She gasped a little. Her reply came out in the tiniest whisper. ‘Missed you, too.’
He looked at her. She could tell he was about to say something, but he was holding back. She could see him going back and forward in his mind. Then he spoke. ‘Ashley and I broke up. Well… technically, I broke up with her.’
‘Oh… I’m uh… sorry?’ It came out as more of a question than anything else. It didn’t even remotely sound like she meant it. She wasn’t proud of herself, about not even giving his girlfriend – or Chris – any thought every time she’d kissed Tim. Up until he just mentioned her, Ashley hadn’t been on her radar at all. He could date the woman all he wanted, but it had never changed that bone deep feeling Lucy had. He belonged to her. It didn’t feel like cheating. She really couldn’t make herself feel like they were doing anything wrong.
She wanted to ask him things like “How?” and “When?” and “What does this mean?” The words didn’t come. She just sat there, staring at him. Somehow, being very un-Tim-like, he kept talking.
‘It’s been a couple of weeks actually,’ he offered, looking a little uneasy. ‘Couldn’t really keep seeing her when all I thought about was you.’
She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. The thought crossed her mind that maybe he was joking. Getting back at her for that one time she preferred not to think about. Tim Bradford couldn’t really be sitting her, holding her hand and telling her she’s all he thinks about.
‘And all things considering,’ he continued, ‘especially the airplane bathroom kind of stuff, and the thing that happened just now, I think you should consider breaking up with Chris... So, it can happen again.’
She wanted to tell him. About Chris. He wasn’t an issue anymore. He really never had been, but the distance between them was even more palpable after she got back from UC training. She wanted to tell Tim she was free, too. But the words got stuck thinking about what it would entail. Suddenly, proceeding felt like she was about to launch herself off a cliff.
‘Don’t freak out,’ Tim said.
‘I’m not. I’m uh…’ Okay, she was probably freaking out a little. ‘We could maybe get some air?’
‘Air sounds good.’
Lucy was first to get out. Tim followed about a minute later. He walked over to the side of the road where Lucy was standing on a strip of grass, in the shade of the trees. He looked insanely handsome coming at her. He squinted a little against the sun. His jaw was set in a way that told Lucy he felt tense.
Suddenly she was very aware of their old dynamic. Her being his rookie. Him exuding his TO-energy, stepping closer, towering over her.
‘I know this scares you…’ he said.
‘O course I’m scared!’ she snapped. ‘If we do this, and it doesn’t work I’ll have ruined the most important relationship in my life!’
He just stared at her for what felt like ages, taking in the words that just slipped out. Her face turned hot and she felt dangerously close to the ledge of that cliff.
‘I know,’ he said. ‘That’s how I feel, too. We might crash and burn.’
‘So, we have to… stop. Whatever this is. It’s not worth the risk.’
Something happened as soon as she voiced that thought. She regretted it immediately, and suddenly she feared nothing more than him agreeing with what she just said. She wanted to find out where this could go. She wanted him in ways she couldn’t even begin to comprehend. She’d jump from any cliff if he’d take her hand and leapt with her.
He did something spectacular then. Some smile-shruggy thing she’d never seen him do before. ‘Unless it is.’
There was an easiness to his words. A look of excitement that shifted to vulnerability. He took a breath, just openly showing her how affected he was. She was making Tim Bradford nervous. ‘Do you want–’
‘It’s over with Chris,’ she blurted out, suddenly feeling brave and strong. So this was the scariest thing ever, who cared? They were in it together. He was right there with her. She could do anything with him at her six. ‘It wasn’t working out, anyway. And… all the time I was away, I’d been thinking about seeing you again. Not him. He’s a great guy. He’s just not…’
She stopped talking when he took another step towards her.
‘He’s not what?’ he asked.
The answer just slipped out of her with her next breath. ‘You… He’s not you.’
He smiled. Nodded. ‘Alright.’
‘So…’ She looked around, suddenly nervous about anyone seeing them here. ‘What do we do now?’
‘Well, looks like I’m gonna have to ask you to have dinner with me sometime.’
She bit her cheek, feeling giddy and nervous like she’d never had a crush before in her life. ‘Maybe you should.’
‘Okay,’ he said, giving her the longest look he’d ever given her. Then he shrugged. ‘Maybe I will.’ He turned back to the shop, like he was ready to get going.
‘Tim!’ She grabbed his forearm, stopping him in his tracks. ‘Don’t make me hurt you…’
His eyes dropped to where she was gripping him, before slowly making their way up to her face. She felt like prey. ‘Lucy…’ he said, his voice steady and serious and too sexy for his own good. ‘Do you wanna go out on a date?’
She couldn’t keep herself from smiling. ‘Yeah. I do.’
Tim was waiting for her outside the precinct. It was uncharacteristically quiet. He was sitting by himself, phone in hand. Walking up to him, Lucy felt like she was dreaming. Even the courtyard looked prettier. The plants and flowers more colorful than they had ever seemed. As she approached, Tim looked up. He stood and smiled. His fingers brushed hers in a subtle way.
‘So, here we are,’ he said.
She nodded, beaming back up at him. Here they were. Right where they were supposed to be. Finally.