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Deity of Many Qualities

Summary:

“You, uh. You never looked into her Deity, sir?”

Xuan Pin would have preferred that the commander never looked into it, honestly.

Notes:

Do with this information what you will, but if I stop updating assume Xuan Pin got ahold of me and I paid the price. Absolutely worth it. I’ve been wanting to point it out since I saw her profile because
1) I’m awful lmao
2) Surprising things no one would have pondered she was uh. Good at. Or been brave enough to consider. See above.
3) Freakin. These two made for each other lmao. Mateo immediately like ‘I’m fuckin down do with me what you must.’ Bloody masochists.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Sometimes Mateo had no idea how this damn place ran with staff like this. It must have been by the grace of something otherworldly that the guards were at least good at combatting Miramon.

Because it was otherwise clear that social interactions were too god damn much.

“So Jason, the hell did you do?”

“Hi Boss!” The ever lingering menace that was Jason turned to the completely opposite direction- his sense of sight was entirely useless given he had a burlap sack over his head. It didn’t help at all that his movement was limited due to being tied up and seated in the corner closest to the sink.

Nearly everyone in the break room was numb to the situation. The few that had come in after the inciting incident tried to hide their curious glances.

Mateo pulled up a seat where Xuan Pin and Trent were playing elephant chess. The outcome of that was already predetermined, but it didn’t mean a game could be less enjoyable. Too bad his adjutant already looked stressed.

“… Better question, did he deserve—“

Yes .” The sheer venom that dropped from Xuan Pin’s hiss took him aback.

“Can I be blessed with context?” Mateo quizzed, shot down as soon as he asked the question.

No.”

Trent shifted uncomfortably as he moved one of the game pieces. “I’d rather pass on this conversation again.”

“I mean. Honestly.” Jason had very little sense of self preservation, it seemed. “It doesn’t seem right, the way you wear your hair makes you look 16-“

“I’ll put you 16-feet under ground.” It was followed by an agitated mumble about being in her twenties now.

She did not miss a fuckin beat. Filterless Xuan Pin was probably Mateo favourite Xuan Pin.

“Holy shit what is happening here?” The commander had barely managed to get the words out between surprised laughter.

“Boss! Did you ever actually look into Xuan Pin’s deity?” Jason had turned again but overshot the spin, still managing to avoid Mateo’s direction entirely.

“Can I not just play a game of chess in peace?” Xuan Pin pinched the bridge of her nose, sadly becoming more aware of the fact she would never find said peace while Jason was both chaotic and employed. “Fine! Get it out of your system so I can finish hearing about it.”

Somehow she sounded both defeated and bitter.

Well if she insisted, and it caused this much commotion.

He brought out his phone and typed what he could recall. Thankfully the search engine corrected the mistakes in spelling he made. “Jiǔ-Tiān Xuán-Nǚ. Goddess of Longevity, well you haven’t died just yet so that checks out.” He glanced up, hearing the woman tapping her foot impatiently while aggressively flipping one of the chess pieces between her fingers. “Martial arts, you’ve run laps around everyone else here. And Se—“

He stopped in his tracks. The silence in the break room had already been noticeable, now it was deafening.

“Sir.” Xuan Pin dragged out the word, making direct eye contact. “Choose your next words very wisely.”

If she was trying to be intimidating… Well, displaying dominance was the worst way she could handle this when it came to the commander and this particular subject. 

“Are you threatening me?” Mateo raised a brow, otherwise straight-faced. It went unnoticed that he had to swallow the lump in his throat.

“I do not make threats, I make promises.” She stated slowly, uncomfortably calm. “I’m not above throwing you off of the wall.

Girl you should stop—-

“I appreciate your honesty, Xuan Pin.”

Silence. They both knew he was going to comment… It came down to just how cocky he was feeling today.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“… So we have proof of the first two, do I get a demonstration of the last?” He’d already made a beeline for the door, somehow faster than Xuan Pin  who’d caused the whole table to shake as she stood up. “It’s fine, I’ll do it myself.”

She slammed her fists on the table, face red. Somehow it seemed much worse coming from Mateo. The chess pieces that had jumped from the force landed with an almost pathetic ‘ping’ sound as they clatter on the board. “Drag yourself back up here after so I can toss you over myself!!”

“Fair. Fair.” He waved as he left, back turned to everyone and thankfully hiding the crimson hue he also happened to have now. Maybe when she wasn’t so mad she might consider— well. Enough of that, he had a wall to throw himself off of.

After that incident, the first thing Mateo did when meeting espers was look into their deity.

Notes:

Mateo’s enthusiastically at your disposal if you need to blow off steam, Xuan Pin.
Aight I’ll show myself out.