Chapter Text
Hiro stumbles into his room, tripping over his round chabudai onto his face. “Ow ow ow.” he staggers, holding onto his damaged skin and cursing at the pain. He blinks away his tears before floundering over to his standing mirror to try and get a peak at the damage. Landing on the edge of the table caused a small patch of skin on his forehead to become red and raised. It didn’t split, but he’s still wary that it could bruise if he doesn’t do something about it. It still sears in pain, but he does what he can to push the ache from his thoughts. It's not a priority to him right now.
“That’s just great,” he comments aloud to himself. “Can’t wait to walk into work with a giant gash on my forehead. They’ll love that.”
Hiro angrily laughs, resting one hand on the mirror and leaning forward. “You look fucking horrible,” he says with a roll of his eyes. The reflection that stares back at him seems hazy and warped, like the person in the mirror he’s staring at cannot be himself. Through the remnants of tears he makes some faces and gestures, trying to catch his reflection slipping up; as if it wasn’t a mirror, and wasn’t actually him. Alas the mirror copies all his actions perfectly. What did he expect?
Looking himself up and down, he was a complete disaster. He's wearing one house slipper, who even knows where the other one went. His pants and hoodie are both incredibly wrinkled from falling like an idiot. And somehow his hair was everywhere, any piece that could stick straight up was. His eyes were bright red and puffy, his face was strewn with tears, and of course there was the matter of the red forehead mark. In an effort to do something, anything about his appearance; he tries to straighten out his jacket and comb down his hair with his fingers. But despite his best efforts, in his mind it didn’t make much of a difference. He looks horrible because he is horrible.
“Stop staring at me,” he whimpers to the mirror, sinking to his knees in front of it. He wipes his eyes again, trying to find some clarity in the image, but it still felt foggy to look at. Hiro’s head is swimming, who even is he? Why does he feel so lost? In the back of his mind he knows that he is still trapped in the throes of a panic attack. He isn't going to find clarity until it's over, but any thoughts of hope are drowned by wave after wave of despair. As Hiro continues to gaze into the mirror, his mind fills with a mix of confusion and self-loathing. What had brought him to this point? Why did he feel so disconnected from himself? The panic must have taken hold, enveloping him in a cloud of anguish that seems impossible to escape. Hiro longed for a moment of clarity, a respite from the overwhelming emotions that consumed him. His head still aches, and he feels hopeless to stop the onslaught. He takes a deep breath, but it’s so choked and forced that he doesn’t bother trying to calm himself again.
In front of his gaze, the man in the mirror continues to stare back at him, taunting him with exhaustion. To his eyes the image still seems distorted, and only cleared for a second with every blink. He wipes his face again and again, hoping that it’s the tears tricking his vision, but he's still so unsure. Despite his best efforts, he can’t seem to make himself focus. Out of frustration he stands and removes his contacts, replacing them with the glasses on his nightstand. Returning to the mirror he hopes for a newfound clarity in the image. He hopes he could see more than himself, like he’d find the reason that he feels this way. But it’s still just him; staring back with messy hair and wrinkled clothes.
“What were you expecting?” he whispers, clenching his fists and turning his eyes. The ache from the fall earlier finally starts to die down, but thoughts of uselessness still remain.
Over the roar of his own heartbeat he can hear the distant sound of an argument taking place in the other room. He doesn’t want to hear it, out of everything that could happen in the entire world, he didn’t want to hear Kouji and Kazuki talking about him. If he put any amount of focus towards it he could probably make out their words, so he doesn’t. Instead facing again towards the mirror and continuing his monologue.
“They’re talking about you, you know,” he mumbles to himself as if his reflection really were another being. “They’re going over how much you ruined the day for them. How awful being around you was.” He clenches his fists tighter and scowls at himself. “Neither of them need you, you’re a burden to be around.” His anger shows in his voice, gradually getting louder. The tears return to his eyes in full force, though he doesn’t make any efforts to stop them. “The whole world would be better without you. They would be so much better without you.” His words are loud and blubbery, completely drowning out any of the conversation in the background. “Why do you keep trying? This will continue to happen. Why don’t you just go away?”
Out of pure frustration Hiro winds up and punches the mirror as hard as he can, shattering it instantly. Pieces of glass plummet to the floor around him, bouncing and leaving tiny cuts on his legs. Glass and blood cover his fist, and pain shoots upwards through his arm. It takes a few seconds for him to register what he did, before he reflexively jerks away and grabs at the pain with his free hand. He stammers out various noises and obscenities, before praying to himself that Kazuki and Kouji don’t attempt to come and investigate what that crash was.
His tears finally catch, the panic from that moment being enough to shock him back to reality. He takes another deep breath, and though still choked it comes out much smoother than his earlier attempt. Now in the moment he does what he can to assess the situation. He looks down at the shards of glass scattered across the floor, his heart pounding with a mix of regret and relief. The broken mirror serves as a reminder of his anger and anguish. Okay, he could deal with the mess later. He steps out of his single house slipper, leaving it in place, and carefully navigates to a clean part of the floor. He looks up and down his legs, and other than some small scrapes and a single bleeding cut they seem to be okay and glass free. The leg gash will be easy to patch up, so he makes a mental note of it and decides to come back to it when he’s done with the bigger priority.
Finally mustering up the courage, he looks over his hand and attempts to unfurl it, only to encounter searing pain. There only seemed to be one piece of glass wedged into his skin, but all his knuckles were cut up and dripping blood. From his own knowledge of wounds it probably wasn’t too bad and wouldn’t need stitches, but he definitely needed to get antiseptic on the cuts. He also needed to wrap them before the blood loss got more substantial.
To no surprise Hiro hears someone thump on the door before they call out to him. “Hiro! Are you okay in there?”
“Yeah,” he voices in return though bated breaths. “I’m fine, don't worry.”
“Are you sure?” Kazuki probes, wedging the door open despite Hiro’s protests. His eyes fill with shock when he sees the mess of glass on the floor. “You don’t seem okay.”
Hiro takes a seat at his chabudai on the clear side of the room. “Ugh. I’m fine.”
Kazuki ignores his chides and rushes to his side, grabbing his hand and looking it over. “What happened? Let me take care of this for you. Please.”
“If that’s what you want.” He doesn't mean to be so terse to Kazuki, but despite the broken mirror the feeling of being a burden still remained.
Kazuki nods before resting Hiro’s hand back on the table and rushing back into the hallway. Hiro knows he’s going to grab bandages and antiseptics, but for a brief moment he considers locking the door behind him. If it were Kouji perhaps he would, but Kazuki is a strong man and would definitely break the door down if given the chance. Actually he probably wouldn’t lock it on Kouji either, he couldn’t do that to him.
“Okay I grabbed some stuff.” Kazuki says, returning with a full first aid kit. He slams the supplies down on the table before sinking down at Hiro’s side. “The first thing we need to do is get this glass out of your hand. Don’t move.” He swiftly grabs for a pair of tweezers and makes quick work of the glass, peering up and down his arm looking for any more pieces. Hiro winces in pain at its removal, though he feels relief once it’s gone
“Okay next antiseptic and bandages. Do you have any other cuts?” He says through a yawn.
“Just a small one on my leg.”
“Alright.” Kazuki digs through their first aid kit, finding the supplies he needs and getting to work. Now that the glass is removed, Kazuki carefully cleans Hiro's hand with antiseptic solution, gently dabbing at the wound. Hiro's hand trembles as he watches Kazuki's focused expression, filled with a mix of concern and exhaustion. The silence in the room is only broken by the soft sounds of the first aid supplies being used, creating an atmosphere of cautious calmness. Finally, Kazuki applies a sterile bandage to Hiro's hand, securing it gently but firmly. Hiro notices his obvious fatigue as his quick movements start to slow down after every passing minute. Kazuki does his best to patch the rest of Hiro up, but by the time he’s bandaging Hiro’s leg his movements are sloppy and strained.
Hiro watches Kazuki's weariness with growing concern. Kazuki must have been pushing himself to the limit all day. “Kazuki, are you okay?” Hiro asks. He had never seen Kazuki so exhausted before. Was it because he missed breakfast, or was it something else? And what should he do about it?
Kazuki finally finishes up the last bandage, before his stomach growls. “I’m fine, though I feel kind of dizzy. I’m going to rest my head for just a second.” Kazuki sighs before leaning onto Hiro’s table and resting his head in his hands.
Hiro runs a hand along Kazuki’s neck, it feels cold and clammy. Something definitely wasn’t right. What should he do? He gently shakes Kazuki's shoulder, trying to rouse him from his drowsiness. “ Kazuki ? Kazuki???” Hiro calls out and taps Kazuki on the neck. Kazuki mumbles a reply before dropping his head onto the table. "Kazuki, we need to get you some help," Hiro says, his voice filled with concern. "I think you might be dehydrated or something," Hiro suggests. When he doesn't get a reply Hiro stumbles to his feet, and a panic starts to set in. Kazuki must have fainted from not eating and working too hard. But what do you do when that happens? Should he get Kouji? He might know what to do, but Kouji was mad at him. But that doesn’t matter right? It’s for Kazuki’s sake.
Avoiding any stray glass on his way out, Hiro rushes into the hallway to look for Kouji’s guidance.