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She sighed, leaning her chin into her hand. Her elbow was poised on the table, and she wasn't to move just yet. Loreli had said she wanted to get a picture of her. She said something about her looking perfect at that moment. Carmilla just wanted to roll her eyes.
She didn't, though. Of course she didn't. Loreli would have just gotten mad at her. She always got mad at her for the littlest of things. Carmilla had long since decided that she rather do nothing than face Loreli's wrath.
Her dress was red and long and swept the floor whenever she walked. She'd been walking more, recently. Loreli said walking would be better for her health, that it would help her pain. Carmilla had rolled her eyes. The pain after was worse than what normally afflicted her body.
She sighed again, eyes fluttering closed. She was just tired. So tired. And, Gods, she didn't know why.
It wasn't like she was doing much anyway. Loreli had sought to keep her at home, saying it'd "put less stress on her'' and "she'd get better if she just rested more". She wanted to scoff just thinking about it. Resting in Loreli's eyes was doing nothing, nothing but lying in bed or lounging in the living room. She'd be lucky if she got to walk outside.
Tonight was special, though (or at least Loreli thought so). Tonight marked a year since Carmilla had quit her job (Loreli had forced her to). Being a doctor was apparently too much for her now with Loreli, even though she'd been a doctor years before she'd ever laid her eyes upon Loreli.
Loreli told her that she was getting better. She said she looked healthier, was able to do more, got sick less. Carmilla didn't notice a difference, but that didn't matter; they were going to have a nice dinner.
And they did.
Sort of.
Loreli only got mad at her twice for not cooking the food properly. She didn't really know what she was doing, so she couldn't disagree. Then, after dinner, Loreli had taken her to the patio to see the stars.
(She hadn't seen them up close in so long. Her travels had ended. They were cut short long ago. She could barely even remember why she liked space so much.)
Carmilla was just happy she got to sit outside. Loreli had sat next to her, an arm around her waist. A shooting star passed above them. Loreli bent towards her, saying to make a wish. She brought her lips to Carmilla's. Carmilla sat there, stiff as a plank, and Loreli didn't pull back. When she finally did, she said, "I wished that we could stay happy together for an eternity."
Carmilla just wished she could see the stars again. And not from billions of light years away: up close.
Was that too much to ask for?
Loreli had stood after that, bringing Carmilla up with her. Loreli walked her inside, arm wrapped tight around her waist. They're sides were pressed together. Carmilla leaned her head against Loreli's shoulder, too tired to care.
Loreli was about to bring them to bed but stopped. She thought this was a perfect time to take a photo. The table was cleared. (Carmilla could still hear the searing remark when she dropped a plate.) Loreli apparently wanted to take a photo of Carmilla at that moment, exhausted and sitting at a table long since deprived of food.
Loreli had positioned Carmilla until she thought she looked presentable enough. She told her not to move a muscle and went to get a camera.
She still hadn't come back.
Carmilla turns her head towards the left, even as she knows what would happen if Loreli saw her doing so. Loreli had gone to their study (which was now just Loreli's).
She sighs more heavily. Loreli probably got distracted. She always seemed to find something else to do that didn't involve Carmilla. She'd make her stay in some place before forgetting that she had made Carmilla wait there in the first place. Carmilla doesn't know why she expected anything different this time. Maybe it was because it seemed like the night was actually going well (whatever well could be between them). Loreli had even decided to celebrate… Carmilla.
Something sour pulls at her heart, and she tries to ignore it. She had to appreciate some of the good things Loreli gave her, even if it left a pit in her stomach. If not, she'd go crazy.
Carmilla's annoyance soon grows into worry as more time passes. Carmilla is contemplating getting up and searching for her– damn the consequences– when she finally hears the telltale sound of Loreli's heels.
Carmilla tries to reposition herself as best as she can to where Loreli had placed her before. Loreli is silent as she enters, but smiles when she sees Carmilla's in the same spot.
"Sorry for the wait, Carmilla." She comes up next to her in the chair before moving to her back. Carmilla tenses slightly. She doesn't like having Loreli out of her view.
"It's okay, Loreli." Loreli's hands are in her hair. She freezes.
Loreli just laughs. She bends over to Carmilla's ear, whispering, "Oh, don't be so scared, my darling. I just want to do your hair." And then there's a mirror in Carmilla's hands. She can see as Loreli begins to brush out her hair, pinning it up in certain places.
Loreli has Carmilla grow her hair out long, saying she liked it much better than when it was short. Carmilla had wanted to protest but had been too tired at the time. She had never gained the confidence to cut it off.
Loreli begins to card her fingers through her hair when she is done with the brushing, slightly massaging her scalp. Despite everything telling her not to, she begins to relax.
She was scared so much, all the time. But it never mattered. One way or another Loreli would find something to be mad about, something to do to tangle Carmilla further around her fingers. She might as well enjoy the times Loreli actually did something kind.
Loreli begins to part her hair, then starts to braid it. "I was going to get the camera, but thought the picture would be much better if I got your hair done up. When I'm done, will you come down and help me get it? It is quite heavy for just me on my lonesome." Carmilla nods slowly. Loreli loved to give her the prospect of a choice, but Carmilla knew she'd never get one. If Loreli wanted something, she got it. "Great! Thank you, my darling." She kisses the back of her head, and Carmilla closes her eyes in response. Maybe she could pretend that this wasn't happening.
But… she can't, and all she wants is for this to be over with. She just wants to go to bed. She just wants to sleep.
"There we go! It's all done now!" Loreli steps back, admiring her handiwork. It's done, finally. Now she just has to get that camera and take a few photos. She could do that. "How do you like it, Carmilla?"
Carmilla looks in the mirror, not able to see much. But she doesn't need to see it to be able to lie.
"Great. Thank you, Loreli." Her voice comes off as less expressive than what she wants, but Loreli doesn't seem to notice.
"Well, then, let's go get that camera!" She pulls Carmilla up by the arm, and Carmilla bites down a cry as Loreli jostles the elbow that had been hurting her lately.
They walk towards the study. Carmilla is ready to go inside, but Loreli keeps pulling her along. Soon they reach the basement door. Carmilla stops. Her stomach is in her mouth; Loreli never let her into the basement. It was "off limits". Why was she taking her in now? Carmilla begins to suspect it isn't a camera Loreli needs.
"Oh, don't worry, Carmilla! You have my full permission to go into the basement. I'm coming with you." That does nothing to fill the growing pit in her stomach. Loreli unlocks the door, pushing it open. All Carmilla can make out is the beginning of a staircase before it's plunged into darkness.
Loreli continues to pull her along. Carmilla begins to think she should struggle, but by the time she's made up her mind, Loreli and her are standing on the top of the steps, and Loreli has locked the door behind them.
"Loreli, why-" Loreli's grip turns bruising.
"Hush now, Carmilla. I don't wish to hear your complaining right now." Carmilla's mouth clamps shut.
They begin to move carefully down the stairs. Well, Carmilla is. Loreli is moving much faster, getting more and more frustrated at Carmilla's careful pace.
Loreli pulls hard and Carmilla gasps. She knows she's about to trip down the rest of the stairs, but as she stumbles forward, she's met with solid, flat ground.
"Now, come on, Carmilla. I don't need you being even slower than usual." Carmilla cringes, and Loreli continues to drag her.
Carmilla's lost in the dark, but Loreli seems to know exactly where she's going. Carmilla doesn't question it, too scared to consider any of her more… anxious thoughts.
A repugnant smell begins to waft into her nose, and Carmilla chokes before concluding she should breathe through her mouth. Loreli continues to drag her along. She's reminded of a rag doll in that moment. Carmilla's just a doll, being pulled along by the whims of Loreli.
Some time later, maybe 25 metres after the steps, a light switch is turned on. The light is blinding at first, but soon her vision begins to return. She's first met with Loreli, right in front of her face. She's smiling. Carmilla holds down a shudder.
And then something catches her eye. The room she's standing in is almost completely white except for certain red accents. There's a metal table on one side of the room and a bed on the other. Behind Loreli, there are many counters, spilling over with what Carmilla can only assume are medical supplies. But there are so many instruments she has never seen before.
And- Oh Gods. There were blood bags hanging from any place a bag could be hung. She steps back, stumbling. Why were there so many…?
The smell… It was metallic. It smelled fresh and metallic. Carmilla had the strong urge to vomit.
What was this? What was happening? Carmilla looks to Loreli, searching for anything Loreli might be willing to give away. But Loreli's still smiling at her with that horrifying, large smile.
Those red accents, too. The closer she looks, the more she realizes it looks like… blood.
Blood was splattered against the walls.
Something snaps in her mind and she runs. She knows the door is locked, but maybe she can find a way out, maybe-
Loreli is on her immediately. She grabs both of her arms, twisting them behind her. Carmilla cries out. Tears start to stream down her face.
What was this room? What was Loreli doing? Why was there so much blood?
"Shh. Shh. Settle down, my darling. Screaming will only make the experience worse." Carmilla just screams louder. Loreli sighs. "Have it your way, then."
She needs to get out. She needs to- Loreli is dragging her. Carmilla's legs had long since frozen, and now Loreli is dragging Carmilla's limp body. She does it all with ease. Carmilla shakes, cries wracking her body.
And then she sees the end of the examination table and her body goes rigid. Loreli just keeps dragging her, unperturbed.
"Loreli! Please, Loreli! Stop! What are you doing?" Loreli actually listens for once, stopping to turn and face Carmilla.
"I can make you better, Carmilla. I can make you mine forever, all of eternity. We'll be together until the end of the universe." Loreli smiles again, and Carmilla, in hysteria, notices sharp fangs in her smile.
"What? No, no! I'lll stay with you forever. Please, just don't do whatever you're going to do to me. I'll keep all of this a secret, I promise! Who would I have to tell?" She's screaming, begging. Carmilla has half the mind to throw herself to her knees and grovel at Loreli's feet.
But then Loreli's arms are around her. Carmilla is wrapped in a hug by Loreli, her back splayed out against her. "You're so naïve, Carmilla. But you will someday understand that when I say forever, I mean forever."
Carmilla struggles and kicks, and is about to try and bite Loreli's hand when Loreli sinks her teeth deep into Carmilla's neck.
Carmilla is frozen. She can't tell if the stress of everything has finally rendered her body nonrespondent or if Loreli has done something else to her. Carmilla knows it doesn't matter either way.
The bite isn't even painful– she'd had much worse– but the betrayal cuts jagged wounds into her heart.
Loreli breaks free from her bite, and Carmilla's reminded of Loreli's kisses: long, awful, and hurting far too much.
The world begins to spin and Carmilla slowly descends to the floor, but Loreli stops her, picking her up bridal style and placing her onto the examination table.
She couldn't believe this was happening. The woman she loved– or… or the woman she had loved– had found a way to kidnap her in her own home, take her down into a room filled with blood and what one could argue to be torture devices, then bite and drug her. How… How did this happen? Why did she…
The world is beginning to blur around the edges, and all Carmilla can do is stare up at the white ceiling covered in blood. Loreli is by her side, whispering into her ear just like she did earlier, but now, now it feels so much worse. "I'm sorry, my darling. I know you're confused, but you'll feel so much better soon, I promise. And we'll be together forever. You want that, right? We can be together forever, and you'll be so much more healthy, so happy. I know this is hard, and I know it doesn't seem like it, but please remember I love you. I love you so so much, Carmilla."
Carmilla's vision begins to go dark and her eyelids start their descent into closing. Loreli's lips have found their way to her own, but all she can do is look up at the blood-covered ceiling.
Was this love?
Carmilla wasn't stupid. No matter how many times Loreli said she was, Carmilla knew she wasn't. Loreli had found a way to keep them together forever and now… now, she had finally decided to enact her plan. Loreli was smart. Carmilla didn't doubt she had found some type of way to fulfill her goal.
It was some type of love, Carmilla knew. But she also knew it wasn't good. It was obsessive, bad. She guesses she had always known that, just… didn't know it would turn into this.
Carmilla decides there, as her vision slowly turns from muddled to gray to black, that she would never love Loreli again. Not after this. She had found a way to forgive everything else. But not this. She would never forgive this.
As she begins to lose all grip on the world, the sensation of a soothing, sweet smell fills her nostrils. It permeates the air, and Carmilla breathes in deeply, trying to catch as much of the scent as she can in her nose. At least she had this one reprieve. This one, tiny reprieve.
The world goes black.