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Nagi shows up to school one morning with his hair combed. It doesn't look particularly unusual, but it's far less ruffled than it normally is and it's clear to Reo the moment he sees Nagi that he's done something different.
"What's the special occasion?" Reo teases him, one arm hooked around Nagi's shoulders as they walk to football practice after class. Nagi looks up from his phone, eyes wide and questioning. "Your hair's so neat today."
Nagi shrugs. "I wanted to look nice," he says.
"You wanted to look nice."
"You don't have to sound so surprised," Nagi complains. He drops his head against Reo's shoulder and goes slack, forcing Reo to slow down. "I just thought it would be a good change."
"It's not something I'd expect from you," Reo says. He peels Nagi away from his side and manages to catch a glimpse of the other boy's deepening frown. "What's wrong?"
"You don't think I look good?" Nagi asks. He sounds strangely affronted.
"Of course I do," Reo says earnestly. It's the truth—Nagi does look good, just as he does every day. He's particularly cute like this, though, pouting and all, so Reo lets him know. "You're adorable! I never thought I'd ever see you like this."
Nagi scowls. He doesn't resist when Reo squishes his face between his hands, but he says, "Now you're just making fun of me."
"I'd never do such a thing."
Nagi runs his hands through his hair, effectively messing it back up. "You should just tell me if you think it looks weird," he mutters, surly as he pulls away from Reo.
"It doesn't look weird," Reo assures him. Nagi's acting strange, in the way he stiffens as Reo grabs his hand, the way his gaze fixes on the ground and refuses to meet Reo's. "I'm only curious, that's all—hey, are you wearing cologne?"
"Stop, you're embarrassing me," Nagi whines, squirming as Reo leans in close to him and takes a deep breath. There's a hint of something sharp and fresh clinging to his skin—it's not particularly apparent, but Nagi usually just smells like cheap shampoo, and it's a little jarring.
"Do you have an interview after school?" Reo asks, unable to hold back his smile. "Or an audition, or—or a date!" He looks up, and Nagi's face is redder than Reo's ever seen it. "You should have told me you were meeting up with someone!"
"I don't have a date with anyone else," Nagi protests. He turns away in an attempt to hide his blush and Reo sees that his ears are burning just as fiercely. "You know I'm spending the rest of the day with you."
"Don't let me ruin your fun," Reo says. Nagi gets more flustered with every passing second, his fingers locked anxiously around Reo's, and something about it makes Reo inexplicably giddy. "Do you need me to drop you off somewhere? I'll help you dress up, too—"
"I don't have a date," Nagi insists. There's a strange sort of finality in the way he says it. "If I did, you'd definitely know about it."
"You're trying to impress someone, then?"
Reo had been joking, but then Nagi goes frighteningly silent, and he feels his own smile drop from his face. It's not even something he'd really considered—he's Nagi's favorite, he likes being Nagi's favorite, but Nagi's just staring at him and Reo realizes he's gotten it right, and he's suddenly hurting, somewhere deep in his chest.
He has someone else now.
The whiplash is agonizingly awkward. Nagi's hand is suddenly heavy in Reo's, and he's not really holding on, but not letting go, either. He looks like he expects Reo to add something more, but the sudden twisting in Reo's gut is far too unbearable for him to say anything other than, "Are you?"
"What if I was?" Nagi says, but his voice is so sweet and quiet, and it's as good as a yes.
Then I'd cry, Reo thinks, foolishly immature for one painful moment. "Then I'd help you out," he says instead, because it's still true, even if he'd hate every second of it. "You can count on me!" he adds, forcing himself to grin.
Nagi still looks a little upset, somehow. He doesn't show it, though, other than the furrow between his eyebrows and the slope of his shoulders. "Okay," he says, and doesn't elaborate further.
Reo's not feeling quite so playful anymore. He keeps smiling as he echoes Nagi's words back at him—"Okay," and then he lets go of Nagi's hand.
They don't discuss it for a few days, and Reo allows himself to forget the incident until Nagi turns up at his doorstep on Saturday morning with a stack of books in his arms. "I'm here to study," he announces.
"Is something wrong?" Reo asks. As strange as it is, he still holds the door open, and Nagi steps inside. "Are you failing any classes?"
"No," Nagi says. "I'm doing well. My scores are really good."
Reo tilts his head. "That's great," he says, mildly perplexed. "Do you need anything from me, then?"
Nagi stares at him. "My scores are really good," he repeats. "They're really good."
"Okay..."
"Isn't that impressive?"
"It is, Nagi," Reo says, and he really means it, but Nagi's responses still don't answer any of his questions. "But why do you need to study?"
Nagi straightens up and, still looking Reo dead in the eye, declares, "I'm gonna become a really good student."
"Good luck," Reo says faintly. "But why at my house?"
"You have to watch me," Nagi says. "It's important."
It doesn't seem like Nagi's interested in elaborating any further, so Reo lets it go. They make their way up to Reo's bedroom, and Nagi takes a seat on Reo's bed, fanning his papers out on the blanket. Reo drops down onto his desk chair and waits, but all Nagi does is flip open one of his textbooks and pull it close to read.
"Do you want something to eat?" Reo asks awkwardly.
"No."
Two more minutes pass. Nagi opens a notebook, and even from here Reo can see how neatly he writes. He's taking notes on a unit they haven't even learned yet. "Are you sure nothing's wrong?" Reo says.
"Everything's fine," Nagi says. He glances over at Reo, frowning. "Why?"
"You're just...being weird."
Nagi looks uncertainly down at his notes. "Is this weird?" he says. "Isn't studying normal?"
"It's not something you would usually do," Reo says. He stands and crosses the room to sit next to Nagi on his bed, careful to avoid the books. "You can tell me if something's wrong, okay?"
Nagi's eyes narrow. He opens his mouth, but he still takes a moment to speak, and Reo's surprised at how frustrated he sounds when he does. "I don't understand," he says. "I thought you liked studying."
"Well, I guess," Reo concedes. "But—"
"So isn't this good?" Nagi interrupts. He leans closer to Reo and takes him by the shoulders. "Are you impressed yet?"
Reo laughs—he doesn't know what else to do, not when Nagi's so close and so confusing. "I mean, I know you don't need to study to do well," he says. "I just don't know why you're doing this, that's all."
Nagi lets go of Reo and simply observes him for a few seconds, eyes shifting minutely as they study Reo's face. "Whatever," he finally says. He sweeps his books into a messy pile, looking dejected. "I thought it would make me better."
"Studying?"
"Yeah."
"Oh," Reo says, and then it hits him. "Oh, I get it."
Nagi perks up. "You do?" he asks, sitting up straight.
"You're just trying to impress that person again!" Reo says cheerily. And it stings, remembering that Nagi's attention belongs to someone else now, but he's determined not to show it. He reaches out to pat Nagi's head. "You shouldn't change yourself if you want to get someone to like you, okay? Just be yourself."
Nagi sighs. "But they're not noticeable when I act the way I always do," he complains. He glares at Reo—he's not angry, but there's irritation evident in the furrow between his eyebrows and Reo can't help but shrink a little. "Clearly."
Reo swallows. He wets his lips with his tongue and asks, "What's not noticeable?"
"My feelings," Nagi says. He brushes Reo's hand away from his head. "Reo, do you like me?"
More than you know, Reo thinks, despairing for one brief, unreasonable instant. "Of course," he says. "Do you think I don't?"
Nagi still looks disappointed. It hurts to see, even as much as he's aching on his own, so Reo manages a smile as he takes Nagi's hands in his own. "You don't have to do anything different," Reo says softly. Nagi nods along, fingers curling securely around Reo's. "You're amazing just as you are right now. I'm sure that whoever it is will love you for who you are."
"You don't even know who it is," Nagi says quietly.
"I know they will."
Nagi falls forward without warning, and Reo yelps as the weight presses him back down against the bed. Nagi's arms wrap around him, holding him close until the mattress stops shaking, and then Nagi says, "I'm scared, Reo."
Reo rests his cheek against Nagi's head. "What's wrong?"
"My heart beats so fast, now. I never knew what it was like before."
Reo listens to the rapid pounding in his own chest, wild to the point of pain. He laughs a little. "It feels good, right?" he murmurs.
Nagi presses the side of his face against Reo's neck with a hum. "It does."
At their next scrimmage against one of the nearby schools, Nagi scores eleven goals.
He does it all with his horridly sloppy posture and his eyes nearly shut, but he doesn't ask Reo to take a single break; he just lingers by the opposing team's goal, receiving each and every one of Reo's passes with rare tenacity. Even after the other team has all but given up, Nagi keeps playing with an moderately unimpressive amount of effort; he usually puts in no effort at all, scoring three goals in ten minutes and begging for a nap on the bench, and Reo's duly impressed by his sudden surge of motivation.
"What's got you so energized today?" Reo asks afterward, as they're walking back to their bike from the locker rooms. "Has a new video game caught your eye recently? I'll buy it for you as soon as I can."
Nagi's wearing a strangely sour expression. "I don't want games," he grumbles.
"I can cancel practice if you want, then," Reo says.
The wind lashes its way through Reo's hair, and he squints into it. He barely hears Nagi's reply; "Why would you do that?"
"I just want to reward your hard work."
A warm hand lands on his forehead and combs his hair out of his eyes, and when Reo jolts to attention, he hears Nagi laugh, all warm and husky under the afternoon sun. "Are you proud of me?" Nagi asks, leaning close to press his shoulder against Reo's.
Reo smiles over at him. "I always have been," he says.
"But today is different," Nagi insists. "I scored a lot. You should reward me."
Their eyes meet. Nagi's hand is still on Reo's face, now resting gently on his cheek. "I don't know what you want," Reo says awkwardly. He draws back, and Nagi lets his arm fall away. "Is it food?"
"I can buy my own food," Nagi mumbles.
"You never had a problem with me buying you food before."
"Yeah, well..." Nagi hesitates. Reo stops walking, and Nagi stops too, fumbling for Reo's hand. "I have something else that I want now."
Reo waits for further explanation, but Nagi just gazes at him silently, holding his hand in the wind. "Do you want to tell me what it is?" Reo finally says, when it's been long enough for the space between their palms to get uncomfortably hot.
Another long moment passes before Nagi says, "I wish you'd figure it out."
He looks so forlorn as he says it. Reo feels something akin to dread pool in his stomach at the sight. He thinks hard, sifting through his mental catalogue of things Nagi likes, and then he runs out of those and all he can think is I'm disappointing him right now. "I'm sorry," Reo offers. He sees some of the tension in Nagi's face ease, but it's not enough, and Reo's irrationally desperate now to make it disappear. "I just..."
"It's okay," Nagi says quietly. He squeezes Reo's hand. "Let's just get something to eat together tonight."
"That's not what you want, though."
Nagi shrugs. "Anything is good with you," he says.
Nagi's keeping things from him. Reo can tell, after knowing him for so long, after getting so close—but he's clearly not close enough, if they're talking around each other in circles like this. Nagi looks happy, at least, with his gaze so painfully soft where it lingers across Reo's face, but it still feels as if there's some kind of unbridgeable fracture between them and it hurts like nothing ever has before.
It's that other person he likes, Reo thinks. He can't quite make sense of Nagi's behavior, but it's the only logical conclusion that he can come to. Things are changing, and Reo's not what Nagi wants anymore, and they're falling further and further apart—
"What's wrong?" Nagi says. He tugs on Reo's hand. "Don't worry about what I said before. It doesn't matter."
It would be far too dramatic for Reo to say something like I failed you or anything else swimming across his tongue, so he just says, "I wish I knew what you meant."
"I just wanted to spend some time with you," Nagi tells him, but he's lying, he's lying, and Reo listens anyway. "Come on, I'm hungry."
"Sure," Reo says. He counts two exhales and then he pulls the corners of his mouth into a grin. "Do you want to sit down somewhere, or should we get takeout?"
"Anything's good," Nagi says. He smiles, genuine and sunny, golden in the dying light. "You can get whatever you want."
He's beautiful. Reo forgets to breathe for an instant, and he's still selfish enough to believe in the way Nagi keeps holding his hand; so he closes his eyes and pretends that the press of Nagi's palm on his own means far more than it does.
Once in a while, Reo sleeps over at Nagi's house on weekend nights. The usual morning routine is for Reo to open his eyes first and fall a little more in love with Nagi's sleeping face, then make his way into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for both of them. Nagi sleeps in, after all, and getting him up before noon is near impossible.
Today, Reo wakes up alone in bed. He hears some kind of commotion downstairs, and he drags himself to his feet before he stumbles out of the bedroom to investigate. He finds Nagi at the kitchen counter, rummaging around in the drawers, looking strangely alert for ten in the morning.
"Nagi," Reo yawns. He makes his way over on shaky legs and plasters himself against Nagi's back. "Good morning."
Nagi goes rigid, freezing at Reo's touch. "Good morning," he echoes, sounding strangely agitated as he speaks.
"Something wrong?"
"Can't find plates," Nagi mumbles. He takes a few steps to the side. Reo begins to let go, but Nagi's hands land firmly on his wrists. "Don't let go. It feels nice."
Maybe Reo's still dreaming. "Okay," he whispers, pressing his forehead into soft white hair and his nose to Nagi's nape. Nagi moves so excruciatingly slowly as he drifts across the kitchen, and Reo follows along with clumsy footsteps, still drowsy. "What are you doing?"
"Breakfast," Nagi says. His voice is soft. "I hope you like it."
Reo peers over Nagi's shoulder. He's holding two plates in one hand, making his way back over to the dining table and a tray of golden brown muffins. "Did you buy those?" Reo asks.
"Made them." Nagi sets the plates down on the table, and then he's turning around to lace his fingers easily behind Reo's back, pulling him closer. He nudges his nose into Reo's cheek and says, "What do you think?"
Reo's heart jumps. He flinches out of Nagi's grasp with an uneasy smile. "I didn't know you could bake," he says, and he averts his gaze from the way Nagi's face falls. "Can I try one?"
"They're for you," Nagi says. He takes Reo by the shoulders and nudges him closer to the table. "Go ahead."
Reo takes a plate and a muffin. He takes a tentative bite and Nagi stares at him silently, strangely intent. "It's good," Reo says. It really is good, sweet and still warm, but he'd probably lie and praise Nagi no matter what it tasted like. "Is it your first time making these?"
"Yeah," Nagi says. He doesn't smile, but Reo can tell he's satisfied by the way his voice brightens. "Cool, right?"
"I'm more surprised that you got up early," Reo says. Nagi does crack a smile at that. "What's the special occasion?"
"Nothing," Nagi says. "Does there have to be one?"
Reo shrugs and drops down into one of the chairs. Nagi sits next to him, reaching to take a muffin for himself. "What happened to everything being such a hassle?" Reo says, teasing. "I thought you didn't like to prepare your own food."
"I just wanted to make you happy," Nagi grumbles. He reaches out and, before Reo can react, pinches Reo's cheeks into a grin. "Smile more, or else it'll feel like a waste of time."
Reo laughs and Nagi lets go, letting his hands fall to Reo's shoulders. "I'm always happy when I'm with you," he says. "You don't have to do anything special."
"It's not a matter of having to do anything," Nagi says. "I just wanted to."
Reo doesn't know what else to say to that, and Nagi seems content to let the conversation go. They eat together, elbows touching between bites. Sunlight crawls across the table, and Nagi's the first to speak again, several minutes later; "Let's talk."
"About what?"
"Nothing," Nagi says. "Anything. I want to hear your voice."
Reo laughs again, quieter, more embarrassed. "Don't say stuff like that."
"Why not?" Nagi asks. "It's the truth."
"Yeah, but—" Reo breaks off as Nagi drops his head against his shoulder, and it takes a moment for him to refocus. "People will get the wrong idea, you know. They'll start thinking that we're...more than friends." I'll start thinking so too, Reo laments.
Nagi doesn't speak. He takes another bite of his muffin and it sets Reo on edge, just a little, and he rushes to speak before the silence can swell again. "Speaking of! What about that special person?"
"Special person?" Nagi repeats, tilting his head.
"The one you've been trying so hard to impress," Reo says. Nagi tenses against him. "When are you going to confess?"
"Confess?"
"I promised I'd help you, didn't I?" Reo says, and even as he says it, he wishes he hadn't. Wishes he hadn't even mentioned it, actually, but it's too late to just drop it now. "You can't just leave things like this forever! You should let them know how you feel."
"I've been trying," Nagi says. "It's not working out."
"Try harder." Reo elbows Nagi in the side, and Nagi groans. "Come on, you've seen enough confessions with me, haven't you? You know exactly what to do."
"They clearly don't work," Nagi argues. "You reject all of them."
"Well, that's different." Reo knows he's going soft, and he knows that Nagi notices the way his voice drops, but he can't help it, not when Nagi's watching him with such undivided attention. "I'm just waiting for someone special."
"Really," Nagi says. There's a new kind of interest in his eyes. "That's good to know."
Reo tilts his head and tries not to look too awkward when he grins. "Do you need any help?"
"I can handle it," Nagi says. "You're right. I know what to do."
They don't do much talking after that. Reo goes back to eating, and Nagi leans into him, smiling faintly for the rest of the morning.
In the end, it starts like the rest of them do. There's a note on his desk in the morning—meet me by the locker rooms after school—and it's a bit of a strange place, but they don't have practice today, and it'll be quiet right after class ends, so it makes sense. Reo files the information away for later and goes on without much of a second thought.
When he gets there, Nagi's leaning against the wall. He looks at Reo as he approaches and then they're both walking toward each other, and when they meet, Nagi says, "You're so annoying."
Reo doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what he would say, even if he could bring himself to speak.
Nagi sighs. He says, "This is such a hassle, but I guess there's no other way to get you to notice." He holds out a box of chocolates, Reo's favorite kind. "This is for you."
Reo takes it. "Thanks," he says. He feels numb.
"I love you," Nagi says. Reo's heard it a hundred times, but it's different coming from Nagi, somehow. "Please go out with me."
It's the first time Reo gets to say "Yes." He watches Nagi light up—from his mouth first, the slightest smile gracing his lips, then the rest of his face, his eyes and his eyebrows and the laugh lines that appear as his expression brightens.
"This is stupid," Nagi says. It's impossible to believe when he looks so unintelligibly happy. "You should have noticed sooner."
Reo can't do anything but laugh, it seems. He grins as he holds out his hands, and Nagi's slide right into place over them. "I thought you liked someone else," he says, and he remembers how much pain it caused him to think about it, just a day or two ago, but it's nothing more than a distant memory when Nagi's right in front of him like this.
Nagi holds on tighter. "You're so blind," he says. "Who else would it be?"