Chapter Text
She is not in love with Thomas Magnum. Irritated maybe, interested in the workings of his mind because he is uniquely infuriating, definitely, infatuated just the tiniest bit but there is nothing she can do about that. Her hormones have decided for some reason, after years of being around him to finally catch up to the fact that he is an attractive man. If her subconscious has decided to interpret that as some deeper romantic feelings, her subconscious can be ignored. It can't be trusted, it does have the tendency to catastrophize and being in love with Thomas definitely falls under worst case scenarios.
And as for this new physical awareness, the hitching of her breath when he's near- and he is very close all the time, has he always had such a poor understanding of personal space? Has she?- the very unsubtle flutters in her stomach when he smiles, the way her heart skips when he looks at her like he sees her, all of her and doesn't seem to mind any of it. The sharp tongue, the rough edges, the scars, the walls. It's confusing but she'll get past it. Especially if he keeps working her last nerve like he is right now.
“I thought we were past this stage,” she says as they walk towards the door.
She refuses to check just how late they are, thanks to them running out of gas a couple of miles away from the restaurant. Which was normal for him at some point but it has been a while since they ended up stranded on the side of the road like that. Hence her irritation with him at this moment, a welcome change from all the other ways she has had him on her mind lately. She has been in love before and it didn’t feel like this. So intense, all consuming, scary. Of course she has also been infatuated before and it didn’t feel like this either.
“I was. We were, I was just distracted and I forgot.”
“Or, you were looking for a way out of this.” She has known since she brought it up that he was not looking forward to it. It’s not like he and Ethan were ever friendly but she did not want to be the third wheel for what she had decided is a necessary exercise.
She figures more time around Thomas and Lia, reminding herself that he is happy now is just what she needs to cure her of whatever this is. Not that all the exposure she has had to them so far has helped any. It feels like it’s having the opposite effect, Lia’s presence in his life has her feeling threatened about what her place in his life would be if their relationship lasted long term. And her subconscious seems to processing that fear by presenting her with a solution where that dilemma is eliminated because she becomes the woman he loves.
If there is a more painless way to untangle her feelings she can’t think of one. Thomas is the person she has always talked to about her feelings, who has always helped her figure out why she is responding a certain way to things. She can imagine his face if she told him that some part of her thinks she is in love with him. Sure, there have been moments when there has been an awareness between them, a tension there is no platonic explanation for, she is not completely oblivious, but she does not think he has actual feelings for her. She would potentially be complicating their friendship over feelings she can’t even name.
She could talk to Kumu about this but she has managed to convince herself that for as long as she is the only one who knows there is a chance that it will all just quietly go away. In the meantime she has her theories.
And she still maintains Robin’s book has a lot to answer for. What with the way, the White Knight somehow continues to earn TR Belle’s trust and somehow make her feel safe even with everything else around them falling apart, she can’t be blamed projecting the unexpected charm of that story onto her relationship with Thomas. She should have put that damn book down after the ninth chapter.
““We aren’t that late. If I did not want to go on a double date, I would have told you.”
“Would you?”
“Look on the bright side, you finally got me into an Uber. It only took about four years.”
She rolls her eyes.
“Let’s get this over with,” he says his hand on her lower back as he leads her into the restaurant and she feels that light, barely there, touch like a brand.
She does not get to feel like this about him. Or whatever it is that stirs inside her when Thomas leans down to greet Lia with a kiss on her cheek when they get to the table where Lia and Ethan are waiting for them. It is not jealousy, because she considers herself a particularly evolved woman and she is happy he is happy. He told her as much.
It is still going to be a long evening, she thinks as she turns her attention towards Ethan.
****
This was a bad idea.
Lia knows it the minute Thomas and Juliet exchange a secret smile over the wine list before he orders a 2012 Charles Baudet. Of course she should have known it when she was stuck making small talk with Juliet’s boyfriend for twenty minutes before they showed up. The evening has been going steadily downhill from there, for her at least. Ethan seems pretty entertained by the way events have been unfolding which makes Lia question how his relationship with Juliet works.
She is not blind. She has known since she met Thomas that he was getting over someone, she was okay with that. She just did not expect to have front row seats to watch him fail spectacularly at it. She suspected it was his partner, the first time he mentioned her name, somehow managing to pack years of longing into three syllables. Especially since he had been so careful not to talk about her at all, at first. The first time she had seen them together at the station had confirmed it for her but she had never asked.
There’s no need to ask. Thomas has never looked at her like that, like everything else disappears for him when she is around. She doesn’t think he even realises he is doing it, being completely under Juliet’s spell comes as naturally as breathing for him.
It’s just like the ease that exists between him and Juliet. The way they have of communicating without saying a single word, their little inside jokes, the way they bicker and tease each other, so well that she has watched Juliet’s annoyance with Thomas slowly disappear as the evening progressed. Now she is barely paying attention as they talk about how they had to find a way into a marriage counsellor’s office for their case earlier today, and they basically complete each other’s sentences.
Oh, they try to include her and Ethan in the conversation but it still feels very much like they are both third wheeling on Thomas and Juliet’s date. Thomas’ attempts to be an attentive boyfriend fall flat and Juliet and Ethan are leaving plenty of room for Jesus between them. They are oddly formal with each other. When Thomas and Juliet aren’t talking an uncomfortable silence reigns at the table filled every now and then by Ethan’s weak attempts at conversation.
“Another undercover case?” Ethan asks his eyes on Juliet’s left hand.
Lia follows Ethan’s gaze and notices the ring she is wearing. Just when she thought the evening couldn’t get worse.
“Oh.” Juliet hides her hand beneath the table as she pulls the ring off. “I don’t know how that slipped my mind.”
There is an uncomfortable moment where Juliet considers giving it back to Thomas, even holding it out to him for a second before she finally just slips it into her clutch.
“I must say my undercover cases are never as interesting as yours,” Lia comments.
“At least they don’t have to kiss as part of their covers like they do in the movies,” Ethan puts in.
For the first time the phrase ‘glaring daggers at someone actually makes sense to Lia when she sees the look Juliet directs at her boyfriend. Thomas looks decidedly uncomfortable and she wonders if something has actually happened between them in the past. Undercover or not. She has under the impression that whatever is between them is one-sided or that Juliet is completely oblivious to it. At this point the only way this evening could get worse is if Thomas and Juliet actually kissed at the table.
She has never been so glad for the interruption of a waiter coming to take their dessert orders.
She has a decision to make.
****
Ethan knows this is the last time he will be walking the familiar path to Juliet’s door and he is finally okay with that. So, this is what acceptance feels like. For a long time he thought it would be impossible to get here, Juliet Higgins is really hard to get over. Just look at how Thomas is doing on that front, poor bastard.
“That was an interesting evening.”
“It was.”
“She seems nice.”
“She is.”
He probably shouldn’t say anything considering how much he put his foot in it at dinner. “It was always going to be him, wasn’t it?”
“Thomas, is not the reason why we didn’t work out.”
“When you called me and asked me to do this for you, for a moment I thought that there was a chance for us to get back together.”
The look on her face when he says that is very telling. He remembers texting her to tell her that he was back and the momentary excitement when she had replied asking him to meet her. He had thought that maybe time and distance had done what their time in Kenya couldn’t. He had been unwilling to undo months of trying to move on just for a chance with her.
“You were right to end it when you did,” he continues. “I made a mess of things. He may not have been a factor in our break up but he would have been eventually. You should tell him how you feel.”
“There is nothing to tell. Besides he is with Lia.”
“You aren’t doing her any favours. Maybe you should both be a little more selfish to be kind.”
“What do you mean?”
He thinks back on what he observed this evening. He has always known that they are close, known that Thomas was in love with Juliet. No one acts that territorial over their friend just because they don’t want to share her time.
He has never seen two people who spend all their time together still have so much to talk to each other about. They experience all these things together and still have so much fun going over those same events with each other.
“You and Thomas should be honest with each other before Lia gets any more invested and ends up getting hurt. With me, you didn't know how you felt about him but now you do, don’t deny it. And he has always known how he feels about you. Maybe start by telling him that we broke up so he stops looking at me like he wants me dead.”
She doesn’t say anything just shakes her head dismissively. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Despite that, he still knows her well enough to be able to see the wheels in her head turning. “I should get going before Zeus and Apollo realise I’m here.”
They never did take to him but he would never give them the satisfaction of knowing that they were terrifying.
“I guess this is goodbye.”
He nods. “I’ll see you around Jules.”