Chapter Text
It’s safe to say that Kakashi doesn’t get any sleep after practically kicking poor Iruka out of his apartment. He drags himself to train Naruto the next day and, for whatever reason, along with Yamato and Naruto, Gaara of the Sand is also there. Kakashi doesn’t question it, instead standing next to Yamato inside of the barrier the younger man has made.
It’s a gorgeous morning. Despite the sleepiness plaguing his eyes, Kakashi manages to enjoy it. It’s cool outside since the sun hasn’t fully risen, the sky is purple and pink and blue, and a light breeze blows through his silvery locks. He’s learned to appreciate the little things like this- with the Akatsuki on the move, they may not have too many more peaceful mornings left.
So, Kakashi tries to enjoy himself. Spending his days watching his student- his sensei’s son- grow so much is a privilege… At least, it is most of the time.
But then, there’s days like this.
Naruto runs up to Kakashi with a huge, shit-eating grin. Gaara slowly follows behind him, but remains a couple feet away from the other three, simply standing with his arms crossed and staring at them as Naruto talks.
“So, heard you had a hot date with my dad last night?” Naruto snickers.
“Your dad?” Kakashi questions. He’s so tired that it takes him a moment to realize Naruto was referring to Iruka. Suddenly, the sleep in his eyes seems to go away as they snap wide open at the thought of Iruka divulging the details of what happened to Naruto of all people. “Oh, you mean Iruka… Wait, he told you about that?”
“Well, no,” Naruto answers with a laugh, scratching the back of his neck. “He just sort of maybe came home with concealer still all over his face. I didn’t know you two moved quick like that!”
“Naruto, we didn’t do anything,” Kakashi groans. He can tell by the look on Naruto’s face that the boy doesn’t believe him. He wishes he and Iruka had slept together last night- that’s where it was heading after their date, after all, but because of his scars, he pushed Iruka away. Kakashi has no idea if he’ll be able to salvage their budding relationship. “All we did was kiss… Not that it’s any of your business.”
“So, he’s your soulmate?” Naruto asks. His big blue eyes are sparkling with joy. “Right?”
“No-”
“Yes,” Yamato interjects, standing up and crossing his arms. He shoots Kakashi a sharp glare, to which Kakashi glares back. “Stop lying, Kakashi, you really couldn’t be any more obvious.”
“Oh, oh! That means Iruka knows now, right? That’s great!” Naruto cheers, clapping his hands together. “He’s been looking forever and-”
“Well, about that,” Kakashi awkwardly interjects. He thinks back to the conversation he and Naruto had about soulmates recently. “You remember that talk we had a little while back?”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“I… Still haven’t told him.”
“Ha! Kakashi, I never knew you were so funny,” Naruto laughs, only for his smile to drop moments later when he sees the look on Kakashi’s face. “Oh… You’re not joking.”
“No,” Yamato says. Every time he looks over at Kakashi, he seems to age by another year. ”He’s not.”
“Hm…” Gaara hums, seemingly perplexed by what he’s overheard.
Just as Kakashi is about to say something, Kotetsu and Izumo approach from the forest that leads to the village. Kakashi raises his eyebrows, confused as the two men come up to them- normally, they’re on missions together or guarding the village gates.
“Kakashi, Lady Tsunade has requested you at her office for an escort mission,” Kotetsu starts.
“When?” Kakashi replies.
“As soon as possible, she said,” Izumo answers.
He frowns at the thought of having to leave Naruto to do his training without him, but he also knows that the village is extremely short on Jonin, so he doesn’t complain. Instead, he quickly excuses himself and heads for the Hokage Tower.
Honestly, after everything that happened with Iruka last night, a distraction doesn’t sound all too bad…
~
Much to Kakashi’s horror, when he enters Tsunade’s office, he sees that the Hokage is sitting in her chair and that Iruka is sitting in a chair across from her. The two of them are chatting away as if they’re old friends, both with a cup of tea in hand. It seems as if Lady Tsunade is much kinder to Iruka than she is to most of the others in the village… But, Kakashi understands. Iruka is a warm, charming man- only a monster like Mizuki could be mean to someone like him.
Kakashi seriously considers turning around and leaving before Iruka notices his presence, even knowing the consequences he would most likely receive for ditching a mission. He knows it’s stupid to expect to avoid it forever considering that he and Iruka are coworkers that live in the same village yet, but he isn’t ready to have this conversation- to address what happened last night.
What would he even say first? Would he talk about how he’s been self-harming since he was a literal child, and about how he’s gotten bad again since Asuma died, and then hope that would be the end of it? No, Iruka isn’t stupid- Iruka felt the scar on his back and saw the scars on his arms, even if it was only for a moment. Iruka must know the truth… Right? So, should he talk about the fact that they’re soulmates first? Get on his knees and beg for forgiveness for hiding it for so long when Iruka deserved the right to know? And, God, dare he mention Sukea?
Before he can come to a decision, Iruka turns around to look at him, only to instantly avert his gaze to the floor of the office.
“Ah, Kakashi, you actually made it here in good time,” Tsunade starts as she looks at a file on her desk. “Is something wrong?”
“No, no,” Kakashi answers a little too fast. “Now, what’s this mission that you called me here for?”
“Right. You and Iruka are to go hunt down a group of bandits on the northern border of The Land of Fire. You will travel to the location on the map I’m giving you tonight, set up camp there, and then go to the inn that’s circled there. We’ve received intel that they plan on robbing the civilians at the inn next, so your job is to stop the crime, apprehend them, and bring them back here for Ibiki to interrogate. It should be relatively quick- I’m only sending you together because we’ve also recently received a report that there may be a rogue Jonin from Suna with them. The last thing we need right now is to have any more casualties in the village- so, Iruka, you’re going with Kakashi to give him some extra protection, even though I believe he could probably handle it on his own.”
Kakashi blinks.
“A mission with Iruka?”
Not only is it unusual since Iruka works at the academy, but it’s also terrible timing for the two of them to be alone together, possibly in a dangerous situation, for days at a time.
“Yes. Since the academy classes don’t start back for a few weeks, he’s available, and we’re low on ninja right now, so he’s one of the few Chunin around that isn’t on constant patrol. Is there a problem?” Tsunade asks with a knowing look.
“Not at all,” Kakashi quickly lies. “I was just confused for a moment, that’s all.”
“Very well, then. In this file are the pictures of the bandits that have been caught along with a map to their suspected location” Tsunade stands up, walks to Kakashi, and hands him the file. “The two of you can go ahead and leave now.”
With that, Iruka finishes his tea and stands from his chair to follow Kakashi out of Lady Tsunade’s office.
~
Iruka Umino is normally a hot-headed, confrontational man behind his sweet and loving nature- at least when it comes to people he’s comfortable with. He has no issue speaking his mind, being honest, or bringing up problems when they’re there. Hell, if it weren’t for him, he and Kakashi probably wouldn’t have started dating in the first place because of Kakashi’s tendency to lie and skirt around intimacy.
So, when Iruka is totally silent, Kakashi knows that he must have really fucked up. They walk to Kakashi’s place in silence. Iruka stands outside while Kakashi packs his bag, totally silent. They go to Iruka’s, not exchanging a single word. And then, they head to the village gates to leave, still in complete silence. Hell, Iruka won’t even look Kakashi in the eye.
Kakashi reads the map given to him by Tsunade and uses it to guide them to the northern border of The Land of Fire. Iruka follows him, walking by his side without question. Kakashi can feel Iruka’s big brown eyes gazing at him, but when he glances over at Iruka to try to meet that gaze, Iruka quickly turns away.
It’s awkward.
Painfully awkward.
When night falls, the two manage to find the inn that the bandits supposedly plan on robbing. Kakashi approaches the door, and finally, Iruka speaks.
“Didn’t Lady Tsunade instruct us to set up camp nearby?”
“Eh,” Kakashi shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. We’ll be here in the morning either way, might as well sleep in a nice clean bed, eat some good food, and be able to get a shower in after all the walking we’ve done. Hell, we may even get the room for free after we stop the bandits tomorrow.”
“That’s just predatory,” Iruka scolds.
Kakashi lets out a sigh of relief.
Iruka is upset- but at least they’re still on speaking terms. The last thing he needs is for them to stupidly try and do a mission while not being able to communicate.
The two men walk into the inn, with Kakashi holding the door open for Iruka. Kakashi goes to the front desk, books a room for them, gets a key, and heads that way with Iruka still following him. When they get into the room and lock the door behind them, Iruka sits on the single bed and watches Kakashi unpack.
“So?” Iruka hums, crossing his arms over his chest.
“So what?”
“I think it’s time for us to talk about what happened last night, Kakashi. I’m not mad, I’m just...” Iruka stands from the bed, walks up to Kakashi, and places a warm hand on his shoulder from behind. Kakashi quickly turns around, his eyes wide at the affectionate gesture. Even after everything that’s happened, even after the things he’s hidden, Iruka is still… “Worried about you. And I have a lot of questions that I feel like I deserve answers to.”
“Yeah?” Kakashi responds, because Iruka is right, and he doesn’t know how else to reply.
“I can’t help but think about the implications…” Iruka says as he pulls his hand back from Kakashi so he can twiddle his thumbs.
Kakashi raises an eyebrow.
“Of what?”
“These. I know you wanted to hide them from me the other night, but I saw them,” To Kakashi’s surprise, Iruka talks about his self-destructive habits before he so much as mentions the fact that they’re soulmates. Iruka gently grabs one of Kakashi’s wrists, which Kakashi allows. Not like there’s any point in hiding it anymore, anyway. “You cut yourself, right?”
And Kakashi doesn’t know what to say. No one else has seen his scars aside from medical staff, who don’t dare question them. He’s never told anyone about them. He’s never shown anyone. His closest friends assume that his mental state is questionable, but probably not to the point that he’s been hurting himself for almost his entire life.
Deep down, he finds it embarrassing. Humiliating. He wishes he could be stronger- happier, healthier. Whatever he has going on in his mind is something that would be frowned upon by other shinobi, so he doesn’t talk about it, still so rigid about the shinobi code in some regards despite how hard he’s tried to move on.
“I…”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I just can’t help but worry about you, now that I know,” Iruka explains. “Realistically, I can’t tell you to just stop, but I want you to know that I’m here when you need me- and that, if you chose to get help to deal with this, I’d support you.”
“...Thank you, Iruka,” Kakashi finally manages to get more than a couple words out. He looks up, meeting Iruka’s eyes, and offers a small smile. “I, um- I shouldn’t hide this any longer.”
“What is it?”
“I wanted to tell you that night we went to the festival together, but we got interrupted by Guy, and the right time just never came back up. You’re my soulmate.”
“I mean, I figured that much out the other night. Thank you for telling me, but when I felt your scars… I knew,” Iruka admits with a nervous laugh. Quickly, his face falls, his expression turning to one of concern. “It’s just- the fact that you’ve been hurting yourself- it’s so much more important that you get better than it is for this- this romance thing we have going on to work out… As much as I love you, I want you to be healthy, too.”
Kakashi pauses. His mouth goes dry. For someone to care about him so deeply… To love him… Is this what being with your soulmate is supposed to feel like? Is this what he’s been depriving himself- depriving Iruka of- for so many years?
“You… Love me?” Kakashi whispers.
“Of course,” Iruka nervously answers, shifting his weight between the balls of his feet. Now, he’s staring at the creaky wooden floorboards as if they’re the most interesting things in the world. “Obviously… I had feelings for you before I knew we were soulmates.”
“Oh…”
“Is there anything else you need to tell me? Because if we’re really going to do this, there can’t be any more secrets. I don’t think my heart can take it.”
Kakashi’s mind races. At first, he thinks that’s it- his self harm, he and Iruka being soulmates, his true feelings, his avoidance of it all- and then he remembers.
Sukea .
“Uh, there is one thing, but you’ll probably hate me for it,” Kakashi slowly murmurs.
“I… Probably won’t. What is it?”
“You, uh, you know Sukea?”
“Yeah?”
“That was… I’m him. He’s me.”
“What?”
“I used a partial transformation jutsu.”
The two of them stand there, quiet, for just a moment, before Iruka’s face burns bright red. He grabs Kakashi by the collar of his jacket and raises his voice.
“You used a transformation jutsu to sleep with me as someone else instead of just asking if I was interested!?”
“No, no, it wasn’t like that! He was just my alter ego that I used to sleep around and-” Kakashi rushes to defend himself before realizing A) he’s in the wrong and no amount of defending will justify his previous actions, and B) his attempts at defending himself are actually making his actions sound even worse. “Actually, that doesn’t sound much better.”
Iruka drops Kakashi, crosses his arms again, and sighs.
“No, it doesn’t.”
“What I meant to say is, I didn’t go to the bar that night with the intention of tricking you. I was just there, and you just so happened to be there, and well… I’ve always wanted you. I thought I’d do it the once and then never get to know you any better, so…”
“Wow.”
“Are you mad?”
“Really, I should be, but no,” Iruka laughs. “I’m just relieved! I’ve been looking for you for so long and-”
Kakashi interjects by grabbing Iruka’s hands, intertwining their fingers, and talking, looking the younger man straight in the eye.
“You deserve an apology, Iruka. A real one. I had no right to hide this from you for so long, or to sleep with you as Sukea without you knowing it was me behind the disguise. I was just-” Kakashi pauses, struggling to get his thoughts together. His heart is slamming against his chest and his mind is racing. “Dealing with my own issues, and that’s no excuse, just an explanation. I wanted you so badly, but I just couldn’t face you as myself and show you my true feelings... I hope I can make up for the lost time.”
“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Now that everything is out on the table, we can start over. It’ll be a clean slate,” Iruka reassures Kakashi, leaning forward to press a kiss to his forehead. “Can I…?”
Kakashi isn’t sure what Iruka wants to ask for, but he finds himself agreeing to it anyway.
“I love you, Iruka… Do whatever you want.”
So, Iruka leans in and captures Kakashi’s lips within his own, sliding his hands up Kakashi’s shirt.
And this time, Kakashi doesn’t stop him.